


In Sanguine Veritas

by Conduitstreetcat, TheGreenFaerie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, BDSM, Blood (duh), Dancing, Death, Falling In Love, Feels, Goth music, M/M, Murder, Non-consensual sex, Not a Vampire Sebastian Moran, Partial Mind Control, Richard Brook alter ego, Threesome - M/M/M, Vampire Jim Moriarty, Vampires, Wedding Fluff, mormor, non-goth music
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2019-11-06 17:35:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 29
Words: 236,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17944151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Conduitstreetcat/pseuds/Conduitstreetcat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreenFaerie/pseuds/TheGreenFaerie
Summary: Sebastian Moran is an excellent hunter. He chooses his grounds carefully, selects his prey, and never misses.When he meets the beautiful, sweet, innocent, fascinating Richard Brook, he moves in smoothly.Jim Moriarty is a killer. Cold, mechanical, ruthless. He chooses his victim, makes his move, takes his life.When he sees the tall blond fascinating soldier, he knows he must have him.What happens when two infallible hunters come up against each other?-----A growing Spotify playlist can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/user/quathia/playlist/3jobHtgsdpNXYNeSoRwVzY?si=fJCZishkR5iMjBixRy9FIQ





	1. No Reflection

You don't even want to know what I'm gonna do to you  
  
I don't know which me that I love  
Got no reflection

 

 

I walk into the NDRGRND at ten to ten, smile as I smell the familiar mixture of sweat, alcohol, dry ice, pheromones.

I love goth clubs; one of my favourite hunting grounds. Girls dressed in any type of material, as long as it’s black and shows a lot of skin; guys dressed in tight leather and ready to experiment with their sexuality... honestly, they couldn’t be better if I’d been asked to design them.

I’m modestly dressed in black jeans - 501s, they make my arse look good - and a tight black t-shirt under a leather jacket. I get enough attention without tarting up, and I don’t want to look too memorable - keeping a low profile has become second nature after all these years. Except for my prey for the evening, I don’t want people to think about me too much.

My prey is bound to remember me for a bit, if I do my job right... so that means not returning to the same place too often. Fortunately London is not short of effective hunting grounds – but still, a good goth club is a rare treat.

I catch a flash of many many teeth in the mirror behind the bar - ah. Best tone it down if I want not to be noticed. My grin can be a bit much…

I order a beer and make my way through the crowds to the balcony overlooking the dance floor, taking a spot leaning against a pillar, surveying the smorgasbord laid out before me.

I have my methods. At this time of the night, when it’s still early, I focus on the dancing crowd. I love dancing, and if it doesn’t lead to more; the night is still young.

I take my time assessing the individuals that catch my eye - good moves, good muscles, good looks - is there that little suggestiveness in their dancing that signals they’re up for a good time? Or conversely, are they shy and likely to love being taken by the hand and led towards an interesting experience?

 

I select three candidates before I neck the rest of my beer and make my way down. The strategy is simple - dance with first choice, see if they’re likely. If not - stay a bit if the dancing’s good; otherwise or after move to candidate #2. If they’re in a very good mood, see if we can combine and offer a job-share... which again is more likely in a goth club. And it’s spring; everyone is cheerful... it’s looking like it could be a _good_ night.

I remember to not grin too broadly as I descend the stairs and start dancing my way towards candidate #1, a girl in black spandex with cut-outs in all the right places and long black hair with purple highlights.

 

 

_The first time I saw you was a couple of weeks ago. You looked much the same, scanning the crowd, and beginning your hunt. Your skills were impressive... you were holding the hand of a pink-haired girl in a leather bra and little shorts, pulling her to the toilets, and she followed, giggling. When you both emerged about ten minutes later, she rejoined her friends, still giggling. You returned to the balcony to scope the crowd out again - and when you left that evening, it was with a man - spiky platinum blond hair, leather coat and trousers. No laughing for this one, just smirking around the cigarette he lit the moment he exited the club._

_The man I left the club with was neither giggling nor smirking when I was done with him..._

_The second time I saw you was a week ago - different club, same type of clientele. Amused, I watched as you walked through the crowd with your hunter's gaze, your predatory smile. This time, you headed straight to the bar, and let them flutter around you like moths. Yes, you burn more brightly than anyone in this place full of desperation, desire, and broken dollies._

 

_I watched as you made your selection - smiling at her as if she were the only one in the world, and leading her to the dance floor. I watched as you danced with her for song after song, and then whispered in her ear. She covered her smile with her hand, stared up at you and nodded. Then you took her hand and led her to the cloakroom to collect her jacket, before escorting her gallantly to a cab. I watched as the car drove off, then turned to see a young woman staring at me in fascination - I smiled shyly, hesitated and waved at her. She laughed and walked up to me, smoking a cigarette. She had sharply bobbed black hair and wore a long red satin dress._

 

_"Leaving so soon?" she purred, and took a long drag from her cigarette._

_"Oh - y-yes. I can't find my friend," I said sadly._

_"I'll be your friend, sweetie," she said, and caressed my face. "Let's get you a drink." Her eyes flickered over me as she stubbed her cigarette against the brick wall and flicked it away. I found myself being pulled firmly back into the club, but my thoughts were of you._

_She tasted of smoke, and then she was no more._

_This is the third time I've seen you - and it was not even a question that I would see you again. I've had enough of these simpering fools playing at being dark temptresses and children of the night. You do not play at anything - you're a predator, like me - only your prey live to see another day, and mine do not._

_It was not even a question that I would see you because I brought you here - saw you in my mind, and called to you throughout the evening until you appeared. I didn't know your name, but I didn't need it._

_The way you had moved through the crowd was like a predatory cat, so I called you 'Tiger... *Tiger*...' and you came stalking in, with your sharp eyes and sharp smile._

 

_I watch with pleasure as you scan the crowd and make your selections for the evening. The girl you're dancing with is tossing her black and purple hair at you, and I roll my eyes. ‘Nice try, girlie,’ I think. ‘But you don't stand a chance...’_

_I walk towards you, stumble, and fall against her. We both land in a heap, and she stares at me, outraged._

_"I am *so sorry*..." I exclaim, looking horrified. "Someone must have spilled - the floor was wet-" I get up and try to help her, but she stands and pushes me away._

_I look back and forth between you, aghast. "So sorry!" I say and head to the bar, hiding a smile behind my hand. I order a drink, stare down at it forlornly, and wait._

 

 

First choice is giving off definite interested vibes, when -

Oh _hello_ \- where did _you_ come from?

My dance partner is pulled down into a tumble by a smallish guy, dressed all in black, but not to impress - simple, though good-quality, trousers and t-shirt and blazer; he could fade in the background in a place like this, where most people are dressed to be seen and admired.

Though I would still have noticed him, so he must have just walked onto the floor - no way I would have missed a guy screaming ‘I’m lonely and awkward and have no idea how hot I am’ so loudly.

My dance partner is rude and he walks off with his tail between his legs, orders a drink - oh god a Red Witch?! - and looks at it like he’s deeply regretting his choice to come out tonight.

Candidacy for first choice has definitely shifted away from purply-locks. I love love love shy gay boys - seeing them blush, hearing them gasp in wonder and delight... I bet those pale cheeks would flush so delightfully...

The song is ending and I tell my dance partner that I’m taking a break and getting myself a drink. I don’t offer her one - I realize it is rude, but I don’t want her to wait or worse, join me; and even if I don’t get in with Shy Gay Boy - which seems unlikely - I’ve kind of lost interest in her after her brusque treatment of him, so she’s better off waving her locks at someone else.

Through fortunate chance, the best place to get to the bar is right next to Shy Gay Boy. I nudge in, smile at him, and turn to the barman to order a pint of lager. After the order, I look back to my right - he’s smiling at me.

I’m in.

 

 

_I can't look back to see what's happening... but I feel your eyes on me. I also feel female fury and flouncing. (Relax, sweetie... or I'll come back to bite you later. This one is *not* for you...)_

_I feel you approaching... I feel your intrigue... and then you're sitting next to me. Smiling at me._

_So beautiful..._

_You order a pint, and I smile at you shyly, before looking away. I throw back some of my drink, and make an alarmed face. I swallow carefully, before coughing and sputtering._

_"Oh *god*," I mutter, and put my glass down._

 

 

I take a sip, thinking of the best approach, when a beautiful opportunity presents itself - Shy Gay Boy fumbles having a sip of his drink. Could he *be* any cuter?!

I put on a concerned face, rather than a look most people would reserve for kittens and puppies - no need to be rude - and speak the immortal pickup line “You alright there, mate?”

 

 

_My eyes widen._

_"M'fine," I say hoarsely. I cough again behind my hand. "This drink... sounds so cool to order, but it's *wretched*... I'm - an idiot," I finish, smiling sheepishly._

_I push the glass away from me, and look back to see you're staring at me as if you want to devour me. Hesitantly I stare back, then hunch my shoulders slightly and look away._

 

 

A Red Witch is wretched? What - the vile sweetness of it or the alcohol content? Looking at him, I’m pretty sure it’s the latter - oh god, how old are you, my pretty boy? Is this your first time out on your own? You better watch out, there are dangerous people about... best stick close to me, so I can look after you... _very_ close to me...

“Yeah, I don’t like them either,” I smile. “Too sweet and too strong. Can I get you anything else to get the taste out of your mouth?”

 

 

_My mouth drops open. “What??” My eyes widen at your amused expression, and I have to fight to not smirk back. “*Ohhh*... you mean a drink!” I cover my face, horrified. “You’re so lovely... yes, please,” I mumble from behind my hands. I peek out at you, and cover my face again. “I really am an idiot. I’ll have a rum and coke, please...”_

_I had considered for some time which persona to use with this beautiful, strapping man... given your expression, you find me *adorable*. I congratulate myself smugly... Yes, there *is* something you can give me to get the taste out of my mouth... and afterwards, darling - your blood is *mine*._

 

 

Oh. My. God.

Please stop being so incredibly adorable or I won’t be able to refrain from grabbing you and squishing you or eating you up.

Where did you _come_ from?! Some provincial town; first time in the city? A protective set of parents who can’t know you’re gay? Whatever, we’ll talk about that later, when recovering between orgasms... I just thank my lucky stars that you chose _this_ club to walk into tonight... don’t worry, you won’t regret it... I’ll treat you _so_ _very_ well...

I order a rum and coke and do my best not to look too amused or delighted - a gentle touch with this delicate flower. Just be friendly, casual, non-threatening, but with just a touch of tough-guy-who-knows-his-way-around, and he’ll be eating out of my hand.

Or... other areas...

Right Seb. Focus. You have the prey in your sights, but could still lose him - use your charms.

“Is it your first time here?”

Not the most original line, but one that makes sense after his exploits so far. As I turn towards him, my knee just casually touches his.

 

 

_My rum and coke arrives, and I sip it awkwardly._

_I look up at you through my eyelashes. I've only observed you from a distance before, and you're even more stunning up close. So tall and muscular, *god* - it's like you were tailor-made for me. Eyes so blue, gazing at me like I'm the sweetest thing on earth. I can see why you do *so well* at this; you have a way of making the person you're with feel so desirable and sexy and special... Your smile is warm and irresistible, and it's making it *so easy* to embody this persona... I *want* to be this person for one night. I want you to buy me drinks, and be all soothing and seductive, and touch me gently - at first. And then not so gently..._

_I'm not old enough that I've forgotten my human life - I was a criminal and a psychopath, and my life was one of violence and cruelty. And now my unlife is one of violence and cruelty... for eternity. But there's something about you, darling - somehow, in such a short time, you've made me recall what it was like to be innocent and longing for a big, strong man to protect me. Like I never had..._

_For one night, I think you could give me that... to take with me into the endless cold nights on my own. And I could be this sweet, blushing man for you... I could give you that for your last night on earth, my darling._

_"N-no, I've been here a few times... I've actually seen you before," I confess, smiling into my drink. "But you were always - with someone..." I trail off. I look down at your knee touching mine, and bite my lip. I look back at you, with longing in my eyes._

 

 

You look miles away for a second - and then come back to earth with a smile.

You’ve been here _before?!_ How did I not see you?!

I must revise my system. No just looking at the dance floor. Hidden diamonds like this must not be missed. Thank goodness you went stumbling around the floor for some reason earlier.

And you - noticed me when I was here? Last time must have been... six weeks ago? And you remember me...

You look up at me _biting your lip_ and with clear desire in those black eyes and I’m done for. I must have you. And I’m yours, tonight, for anything you could desire; I’ll show you undreamed-of heights my sweet shy darling; I’ll make you moan and gasp and cry out with delight; it will be a night you’ll remember for decennia to come with a smile on your lips...

“You’ve seen me before? I can’t believe I didn’t spot you... you look so different from the rest of the people here, there’s something about you... something unique.”

I expect my own eyes are blazing with desire now; I tell them to cool it - don’t be too intense, play it calm, don’t scare him off... if you ruin this, Sebastian, I’m never taking you out again.

 

 

_You seem shocked that you never noticed me... but no one sees me if I don't want to be seen._

_"I'm used to not being noticed..." I say softly. "I'm not - really one of them," I gesture at the dance floor. "But it feels safe being here, and I like the music, and -" I lean in towards you and murmur, "once in a while I see someone attractive and... I imagine what it would be like to talk with him and dance with him and -" I hesitate, "kiss him... and just for that night, I would feel not alone..."_

_Whoa there, Jimmy... that's cutting awfully close to the truth. Why are you telling him all this??_

_I sip my rum and coke, feeling strangely flustered. I should *not* have chosen this persona, it's too easy to sink into it too deeply... but it's too late now to go all seductive lone wolf instead, so just ride this out until you can get him alone... and then take him and drink him and be done with it!_

_"I'm sorry, I'm saying too much..." I give you a tremulous smile. "I always do that. I should just go and not talk your ear off. Thank you for the drink, you've been very kind..."_

_I squeeze your hand and let it linger on yours for a moment - my skin will feel cool to you, but it never seems to trouble anyone..._

_I feel a current run through us, and there's a flare of desire in your eyes. What the fuck? That is *not* what normally happens... I stare at you in a daze._

 

 

Your words send whirlwinds of emotions through me. Protectiveness - warmth - possessiveness - desire - solicitousness -

and then your hand touches me and a spike of electricity shoots through me. I'd read that phrase; thought it was metaphorical - but there's actually a current running from my hand to my - heart, my stomach, my - groin -

I'm frozen to the spot; my mind going blank. All I can see are your eyes - those big black eyes; and I must look like a deer in headlights - I swear I am more suave than this usually. Fortunately you're looking at me much the same.

Good grief, Sebastian, get yourself together. You're the tough guy who knows his way around, remember?

I try to move my hand, but my arm has forgotten it's supposed to listen to my brain. It's motionless, the muscles not responding.

Your eyes are getting bigger - I appear to be moving my head closer to yours. I had thought about doing that when you talked about maybe kissing someone attractive, but I wasn't aware that I had decided that that particular course of action was to be undertaken.

Honestly; I am normally more in control than this. But kissing you does seem like a very tempting prospect... very tempting indeed... and it's clear that you want it... so let me cross those last millimetres, which seem such vast distances to traject, but then my lips touch yours - so smooth, so cold from the rum and coke –

 

 

_It's not like it was a spark of electricity - it's a current that's still flowing between us, making me feel plugged into something at a much higher voltage. You're as affected as me - you're staring into my eyes, and you seem frozen on the spot. Until you're not - until you're moving closer to me, your hand still under mine... what are you - *Oh*..._

_It's not like I've never kissed before. It's all part of the game. Just as it had been when I was a lowly human. Although I had usually kissed under the guise of a persona - or if it was as myself, it was always strategic, always about domination..._

_But when I feel your lips on mine, I was still focused on the current so I wasn't thinking of my persona and I wasn't expecting a kiss. So I feel the strangest sensation of being kissed as though for the first time... my fingers tighten around your hand, and I find myself moving my lips against yours. My tongue runs over your lips, seeking entry - before I remember I was supposed to be shy and reticent. Fuck. Whatever. Keep kissing me or I'll rip your throat out. Wait, no - bad vampire. That's Hunger talking... I sigh, feeling the hunger unspool through me. *Soon enough*, darling... but I have a *feeling* about this one... he's making me feel not alone tonight, and I'm not ready for this to be over - not yet._

_Just a little longer..._

_Kiss me, sweet thing..._

 

 

Your fingers tighten on mine, and I'm afraid you will shy away - but no, your lips move to better fit against mine, and then your tongue comes out - oh -

Oh my sweet boy... such guileless innocence, moving into a kiss that reflects your hunger, the longing to kiss a handsome man finally fulfilled; not holding back, letting your eagerness show...

I simultaneously melt and am fired up; I want to pull you close and stroke you softly and whisper sweet nothings and lie under the stars holding you all night, speaking of life and the universe and love and death... and I want to throw you over this bar stool, tear your trousers down, and fuck you into oblivion... and I want to keep kissing you forever, feel your tongue explore mine and find that they are a perfect match; feel your fingers hold my hand like they're never going to let go, so cold - nerves?

Don't be nervous, my sweet, my prince, my gorgeous boy, I will be so good to you...

My free hand makes its way up to your shoulder, holds you, strokes your neck, your hair... so soft and silky, I long to bury my nose in the dark mysteries hidden there...

Wow, Sebastian. This is not like you. If you're not careful, you might actually _fall_...

 

 

_I feel your tongue against mine, and I make a soft sound of longing in my throat. Hunger is rising up in me, making me want to drag you off the stool, across the floor and into a dark alley - so I can fuck you and then feed. Mostly I just feed off my prey - but for you, oh *yes* darling, I’ll make an exception..._

_Only - it’s not time just yet to throw off the persona like a heavy cloak. That will come - but for now, I need it to get you to a private place. I don’t *want* to have you in an alley... there’s something about you that makes me want to slow down and take my time... I'll need a bed for you, or if we can't make it that far, a sofa or a floor will do..._

_And for some reason, my sweet, shy persona is clicking with you so fully, it’s triggering *feelings* in me... making me remember what it was like to be young and vulnerable... I don’t know why on this godforsaken earth I would be thinking of these things now... but I can’t allow them to take hold. I’m Jim fucking Moriarty - I was a psychopathic monster *before* I became immortal. And no human, no matter how hot and tall and - muscular and - blue-eyed - where was I going with this... Yes, *no human* is going to make me feel something I don't want to feel..._

_Time to get back in the game, Jimmy..._

_I allow my persona to settle over me, and immediately feel swept away by your lips on mine. I want to devour you, tear your clothes from you, feel your skin against mine... (*nonono*, Jimmy, let him chase *you*... I like how he hunts... I *want* him to hunt me...)_

_I break away from the kiss and make a show of trying to catch my breath. I gaze up at you through half-closed eyes._

_"Oh," I breathe. "*Oh*..."_

_I realize my hand is gripping your leather jacket, and I'm practically in your lap._

_"So that's what I've been missing out on..." I murmur. And I realize as I look up at you, if my heart could beat, it would be pounding._

 

 

You're standing between my legs, so close... You're holding on to my jacket like you're afraid I'll run, or you might fall. Don't worry, my sweet prince, I won't let you drop...

The music is too loud. People are jostling us trying to get to the bar. I need to get you out of here, out of these crowds of selfish people not understanding the precious precarious beauty of what is happening here. You're looking at me like I am the only one in the room, and I must be looking the same. You vocalize your thoughts as clearly as they are written on your face, you beauty, you precious, you marvellous gemstone.

"I'd like to show you more of what you've been missing out on... if you like," I say, my mouth close to your ear.

"Shall we - go somewhere a bit less crowded and noisy?"

I hope you have a place. I never take people back to my place - I just can't. But I won't just grope you behind the bins. You're too fine for such coarse surroundings - you deserve a bed, soft sheets, sweet music in the background, gentle lighting, as we explore each other's bodies, find the sensitive spots that cause gasps, caress the...

 _Right_ , Sebastian Moran, stop that right now. You already have a nice semi going there. Keep it classy. If he doesn't have a place, get a hotel. A nice one.

 

 

_We’re both being bumped into, and it feels like we’re at the centre of a wheel of chaos and abrasive noise - the eye of the storm holds us, keeps us physically close. The current is less overt now, but it still feels like there’s an intense charge between us._

_When you ask me to go someplace private with you, I feel a burst of triumph._

_“I’m staying in a friend’s flat, but I have the place to myself this month - if you’d like to... c-come home with me?” I say in a jumble, and then look at the floor shyly. You smile down at me and I want to melt into the floor. (Seriously, Jim? *Vampire*, I remind myself. Soulless fiend... creature of the night!)_

_“Sounds perfect,” you breathe, and extend your hand to me. I take it, and you start to lead me through the crowd in the direction of the doors._

_I smile as I imagine us spread out on the huge bed in the furnished apartment I’ve rented this month, tasting each other’s bodies. I picture you fucking me - rough and sweet... I see myself biting into your neck, drinking the blood that I can scent from here, like warm nectar pulsing through you. And then I picture you still and lifeless on the floor._

_I stop and pull on your hand. You turn and look back at me, questioningly._

_I feel frozen in this moment - if I move forward, you die. I’m not ready for that outcome to materialize - if I don’t move forward, it’s almost like it doesn’t have to happen... So I pull you back towards me, and I lean up to murmur in your ear. You bend down, your arm sliding around me._

_“There’s something else I dreamed of doing... I wonder...?” I falter. “I used to imagine being one of those people on the dance floor, dancing with a beautiful man... I know, it’s silly-“ I bury my head in your shoulder, all self-consciousness and nerves. “But - would you -“ I ask in a low voice, “with me?”_

 

 

Yes. Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes this is happening. The cutest boy I've seen in... well ever is taking me to his friend's flat. Asked me to c-come home with him, with a stutter. I'm just about melted into a puddle. Oh god my little prince...

I'm all eagerness to get out, have you alone, cuddle in the back of a taxi, when you stop - oh shit - changed your mind!? Impossible - what-

Oh.

Oh my god.

Oh Sebastian you heartless plonker. You sex-crazed swine. You cultureless oaf.

Have you never heard of _wooing_!? Here you are ready to drag the poor boy to a night of depravity when he is dreaming of dancing with a beautiful man... god knows how long he's been longing for someone to _kiss_ him, _hold_ him, _dance with_ him, tell him he's pretty and interesting and lovely; and all you can think of is getting him into bed. And here he is looking _ashamed_ of asking it, of halting you in your haste to devour his innocence, like it's a shameful thing to want...

I could kick myself. I'm so sorry, my pretty prince...

"I am so sorry," I actually vocalize. Really? Don't ever apologize, remember? Don't let people see you're fallible? Oh, fuck that.

"I was so keen to get you alone - in a quiet environment, so we could talk without shouting, and kiss without people banging into us - and I completely forgot the nice things a place like this has to offer. I love dancing, I really do - and it would be such an honour for me to dance with the most beautiful person in the room.

Please -"

I move back towards the dance floor, holding my hand out to you. You take it, smiling timidly, happily - oh my god.

Sebastian Patrick Moran. Stop thinking with your cock and make this boy happy. Give him the best night he can imagine, the night he's always dreamed of, when he was alone in his room. Show him how exquisite he is, how gorgeous, how much you cherish his company. Don't rush it. The night is still young, and full of possibilities. Offer them all to him, on a silver platter, let him take his pick, let him savour each and every moment. Your mission, soldier, is to give this boy the best night of his life, starting now.

We reach a spot where there is enough space for two bodies (barely) and I start moving to the beat.

 

 

_We arrive on the dance floor, and it feels like we've moved onto a stage, like we have a spotlight on us that only we can see. For a moment it feels like there are no pretences, like you can really see me - but you can't, can you? Well, you're not attacking me or running away... So I'm guessing all you see is sweet Jim... I look up at you with your blue eyes staring at me, and I hear the opening notes of the song begin - a Marilyn Manson song. I feel the music wash over me, and my scalp tingles. I shiver as you start to move - you're graceful like a muscular predatory cat. I watch in awe - your body is beautiful in motion. I shake myself out of my reverie, and move to the beat - I have to be careful not to do anything preternatural... or suddenly become *too* confident - but as I was in life, I am a stunningly good dancer. And I do not hold that back for *anyone*..._

 

Crushing, cheating, changing

Am I deaf or dead?

Is this constricting construction

Or just streets with rusty signs

Of something violent coming?

_Wellll, not the most seductive song... but we both seem to be listening to the lyrics, and at the mention of *something violent coming*, suddenly the air between us gets super-charged. I feel my eyes flash, and I dance back from you. I look up to the ceiling, moving my head side to side like a serpent. I turn and slowly spiral my hips, then look back over my shoulder._

This'll hurt you worse than me

I'm weak, seven days a week

Don't run from me I won't

Bother counting one, two, three

_By 'don't run' I've whipped around,_

_By 'one' I've begun stalking towards you_

_By 'three' I've reached you, and slid my arms around your neck_

_I gaze up at you, and let my hips sway to the pounding beat. Grinning nervously, I lightly brush my pelvis against yours._

 

 

Bloody hell. This boy got _moves_. And your eyes - they seem to change; like the music sparks something inside you, is taking over, and like in some kind of fairy tale where the protagonist suddenly discovers they’ve had superpowers all along, they emerge under Mr Manson’s evocative tones.

Where did you learn to dance like that, my mystery boy? Did you practice your moves in front of a mirror, dreaming of the day when you’d get to show them off on the dance floor with some sexy guy you wanted to seduce? Did you have classes, not the boring ballroom dancing I was forced to learn, but more exciting ones like modern ballet or something?

The sexual tension between us is palpable; the air is charged with sparks, with sweet scent. The club around us has dropped away; you and I are dancing in a vacuum, the other people merely scenery, as inconsequential as projections onto a black canvas. You look at me with those piercing black eyes and step towards me and for a brief second I feel like _I_ am the prey, being stalked, and then your arms are around me and I’ve been captured, helpless, and very willingly so -

but then I see your grin, boyish, apprehensive; and you are my sweet shy prince again, having his very first dance with his knight in shining armour, looking like he can’t quite believe what is happening.

Your moves are quite the opposite of shy, though. Belying the trepidation on your face, your hips sway forward and your pelvic region makes contact with mine and... oh, _god_.

Again I need to remind myself to _calm down, take it slow_ , as a shock travels from my groin up through my torso and short-circuits my brain. Your face looks timorous, like you’re afraid you may have gone too far, but your hips have a courage of their own and enchant me with their movements. I’m only momentarily frozen - I love a dance that is its own foreplay... I let my hands rest on your lower back as my hips reply to yours, expressing their appreciation for this new acquaintance.

The temperature has shot up to nigh incandescent, the music pours down over, onto, and around us like thick, sweet, black syrup; we’re stirring our waves, sending ripples out to the edge of the night...

I’m lost in your eyes, your arms, your hips, your touch...

_You don't even want to know what I'm gonna do to you_

_You don't even want to know what I'm gonna do to you_

_You don't even want to know what I'm gonna do to you..._

 

 

_If there was even the slightest chance that I would not have you tonight, it has utterly incinerated - the space between us is charged with mounting heat and crackling electricity._

_There's a sense of intimacy and facade ebbing and flowing,_

_bathing us in fascination..._

_As the lyrics melt hypnotically into a warning chant, we slow down -_

_our hips continue to murmur and seduce..._

_our gazes stay locked onto each other..._

_our arms slide down each other's bodies..._

_It feels like the club has melted away and we're facing each other out in the wild, under a blood moon and a jet-black sky full of burning stars._

_I grasp your back, and lean back towards the floor. When I rear back up, I'm an undulating serpent with my prey in my sights. The hunger is rising in me, and I shove it back with all my strength. I feel it sink back into me like a receding tide, and I shiver._

I don't know which me that I love

Got no reflection

I don't know which me that I love

Got no reflection

 

_I look up at you, worried for a moment that I've scared you off. But you're staring at me with blazing desire, and my eyes widen as my own longing floods through me. Intoxicated, my hands move slowly up your muscular back. I think of your body pressed against mine, hard and hot and naked. A purring sound rises from my throat, and my fingers dig into your back through your shirt._

 

_In a daze, I realize the song has ground to a halt and we're standing in silence with our hands on each other._

_I blink at you..._

_My lips part..._

_The next song begins._

 

 

You bend back smoothly and when you rise again your eyes transfix me. I have trouble thinking of anything, focussing on anything but you.

When I do this, the clubbing, the picking up people, often, not all the time, but quite regularly, I am genuinely fascinated by the person I've selected. Their smell, the way their hair waves, their muscular arms, shining eyes - I don't fake it when I shower them with interest and attention. At that moment they actually are beautiful, enchanting, charming, captivating, and I want to know them, touch them, experience them closely.

This usually fades after orgasm, though I'm an attentive lover, and I always make sure my partner has had an enjoyable experience. If it was particularly good, the interest might be revived for a second round, but that's it - my attraction is gone after that. I can't have a relationship in my line of work anyway; but I've never been tempted - I don't get why people would go back for something they've already had when there's so much else to experience.

I don't think I've ever been so spellbound as this, though. There genuinely is nothing else in the world than those black eyes, those hip movements that would have got Elvis arrested, those hands touching me, claiming me.

You're so mesmerizing... your shy little smile, slight nervous stutter, clumsiness make me want to whisk you away from this city; away from its gaping mouth that crushes the unwary between its shiny teeth, spitting them out sucked dry, grey, hollow-eyed; but then there's the other side of you coming out in this dance, a more assertive side, a side that knows how to move, how to enchant, how to fascinate, like a cobra entrancing its prey. Your frame is slight, but your moves show confident muscles - again I wonder if you've had dance training. I can't wait to feel those muscles move against me, with me... around me...

Oh god.

The next song starts with riffing guitars, a pleasant rhythm, and our bodies move, accommodating each other like we've been doing this for years... and haven't we? Was there ever a time when I was not on this dark floor, holding your smoothly moving body, spinning you further and further into my web - or am I the one being spun? Or are we both; winding our silk threads around each other; threads of destiny as old as time?

Fuck - Seb - keep your head, could you?

_Would you give me the key to the empire of bliss_

_Gimme a substance to dismiss_

_Everybody's searching for a difference_

_Everybody 's searching for deliverance_

_Gimme just another reason to live_

_Things you can resist_

_Things you cannot_

_They're just framed in blood_

 

 

_Time to be sweet Jim again... and let you take the lead..._

Would you give me redemption in your kiss

Gimme something that I already miss

_As I sway with you, I stare at your lips through half-closed eyes... as if I'm too nervous to kiss you._

_I already came close to breaking free of my own control... I have to be more careful._

_Although there appears to have been no damage... if anything, you seem more mesmerized than ever..._

_Good..._

_*Very* good..._

_That means you sensed danger, and you have a *taste* for it... you'll be less easily spooked as we get closer to the moment of truth._

_Not that it's not *fun* to see fear and panic in my victim's faces, but... they're such *common* reactions. It's far more rare to see enticement, fascination, even desire... and the victims whose death drive is a siren song that lures them into my arms, are infinitely more appealing to me._

_And you, my sweet, *you* are staring at me like you've seen the face of god... I could just eat you up... and I *will*..._

_But why haven't you kissed me again? I feel a slight pout forming, and I allow it to the surface._

_I move in closer, and slide my body against yours._

 

Things you can resist

Things you cannot

They're just framed in blood

 

_I lean in and move my lips over your cheek. I murmur into your ear, "Don't you... want to kiss me again?"_

 

 

What? Oh - no -

Oh my sweet prince, I'm so sorry - I got distracted - again -

What the fuck is _wrong_ with me tonight!? It's a wonder you're still here...

I was just - dancing - looking into your eyes - and somehow most of the song has passed, and I am not sure what I did, except dance - and look into your eyes -

so dark, so deep, so enthralling...

what?

 _Damn it_ , Sebastian, stop getting sidetracked! I'm not even sure _how_ I'm getting sidetracked - it's like you're distracting me from yourself.

 _Focus, soldier._ For fuck's sake.

Dark eyes - look _beyond_ the dark eyes - a slight pout - lips, longing for mine, actually verbally _asking_ where my lips are, feeling bereft, denied the attention that is rightfully theirs -

"I would like nothing more."

Bending down, in the flow of the song still, both of us moving in synchronicity, like the music is a frame in which the story goes forward, the story of our existence inseparable from the rhythm of the music, which had no beginning, which is never ending...

lips touch lips and time is irrelevant.

 

 

_I feel your lips on mine, and everything fades except you and me. Your tongue is gentle, searching... I allow you entrance into my mouth, and my tongue slides over yours._

_As the kiss continues, it deepens and your breathing grows heavier. I adjust mine to match yours._

_I don't think I can hold myself back for much longer... I'm in the unfamiliar territory of not *wanting* to leave my victim dead, but how can I deny myself after *all this*??_

_I moan into your mouth. We break apart, and our faces remain close - we stare at each other, breathing hard. I'm clinging to you, my fingers grasping your jacket. I exhale slowly._

_"I think-" I falter, and lick my lips. "I'm ready for you to show me... what else I've been missing."_

 

 

Your mouth is the sweetest thing I've ever tasted.

The next song comes on -

_I'm not the one who's so far away_

_When I feel the snake bite enter my veins_

Enchanting, entrancing, primal. Our bodies moving slightly, rhythmically, as our tongues taste each other, explore. I'm sinking deeper into this sweet dark bliss... you are filling my consciousness, my senses; it's hard to think - something is odd about your kiss, but I can't say what it is, except that it's ecstatic and I want it to last forever...

A moan in my mouth and I come _undone_. You need me as much as I need you - I stare at you and you stare at me, your dark eyes dizzying me, our breaths coming hard -

_Never did want to be here again_

_And I don't remember why I came_

You speak and - yes - we could dance forever, but we already have been dancing forever, and there are so many more things we need to do - I think I groan when you lick your lips, and your - words - oh god - oh yes - take me home, my beautiful prince, and let me show you everything you could possibly ever have missed, let me make you moan, groan, cry out, over and over again, until the dawn and beyond...

"Let's go, then..." I manage to say. I don't think my voice is above a whisper, but you appear to have heard me, nod, and take my hand as I hold it out to you and lead you toward the exit.

_Voodoo, voodoo, voodoo, voodoo,_

_Voodoo, voodoo, voodoo, voodoo_

 

 

_I like you holding out your hand..._

_I like you leading me through the crowd... you have a protective posture, an air of 'no one's ever going to hurt you as long as I have anything to say about it', which is *so endearing*... you look back and I smile shyly and squeeze your hand._

_And then we're through the doors and out into the night air, and the full moon is shining down on us, and I *can't help myself* - I've tried so hard to be good, but I push you against a brick wall and hold you there. Then I giggle nervously - "I'm *so* not normally like this! S-sorry to get all aggro, I don't know what's coming over me..." My lips quirk at the double entendre. You can think it's unintentional if you wish, I just want you to have that image in your mind as we make our way to my temporary residence._

_I press my pelvis against yours slightly. "No, I do know... it's you. And I don't even know your name..." I whisper, and look up at you through my lashes._

 

 

Oh wow, the moon is full... of _course;_ like it could be anything else tonight...

and all of a sudden I am with my back against the wall and two hungry eyes are staring into mine - darkness boring into me, taking my breath for a second, and then you’re giggling and apologizing and you’re all young and cute again, but you move against me in a way that is not innocent at _all_...

Oh my sweet paradoxical prince; am I confusing you? Making you do things you wouldn’t normally dare? I can’t _wait_ to see what you’ll dare do when we’re alone...

“My name is Sebastian,” I whisper back, not even considering an alias. It’s a common enough name, and if you’re going to be moaning any name tonight, I want it to be my own.

I caress your black hair, shining in the moonlight; god you’re even more beautiful than I thought...

“What’s yours?”

 

 

_I hesitate. Why don't I want you to know my name?_

_The end result is the same: you - dead. Who cares if you know who killed you? But strangely I find myself not wanting you to associate anything negative with me, which makes no *fucking sense*..._

_"Richard..." I hear myself say, shyly. Ok... fine. So *Richard* will be the monster who drains you dry._

_I've used this alias and persona before... *’Twill serve*._

_"The place where I'm staying is just a five-minute walk from here..." I murmur, and regretfully peel myself off you. "I'm - looking forward to being with you somewhere private... Sebastian." I beam at you, and reach out my hand._

 

 

"Richard..." I smile, tasting the name in my mouth, liking the feel of it.

We walk the short distance to the Camden apartment building hand in hand. There are still people on the street even at midnight, and I find myself wanting them to look at us, to see us walking together, to admire the beauty of _my_ conquest, the one who will be mine all night, my Richard... fucking look at him and weep, commoners... but bloody typical Londoners all pretend we don't exist.

In the lift it's my turn to push you against the wall and kiss you deeply against the graffiti telling us that Ana and Raoul will be together 4eva - a lift no longer seems an odd place to declare eternal love, I wish I could feel like that sometimes, it must be nice to love so brightly that you want to declare it to the world... I briefly imagine Sebastian and Richard 4eva, it wouldn't be weird, it might stand a better chance than Ana and Raoul; I don't fall in love, or at least not for more than one night, Richard, I'm so sorry, but fuck, I'm falling for you this night, I will worship you with every fibre of my being, I will wrench every ounce of joy from this night and give it to you, I will make you weep with joy, I promise you that, Richard, you will remember me 4eva...

The lift dings on the 13th floor.

 

 

_Hearing that name on your lips... my eyes close briefly. I can almost believe I am him... that persona I have built around a kernel of truth, a seed of light which never had the chance to grow. Richard is good. Maybe I could have been good... maybe. I’ll never fucking know, will I._

_Not now..._

_But as you push me against the wall in the lift, I find myself wanting to *be* him for you, wanting to be good - even just for one night under a full moon, with you, the beautiful man who showed me what it *feels* like to be desired, and adored._

_Because as you kiss me, it seems like you *adore* me as Richard, and I don’t know how you can feel this way so suddenly, so soon, but I *believe* you do -_

_And when I hear the ding, and the lift opens, I drag you out into the hall. I walk backwards with you, still kissing you. I break away from your mouth, and continue to move back pulling you by both hands, smiling at you with lips swollen with your kisses, and shining eyes locked onto yours._

_I bump into the door as you go to kiss me again, and I fish my key out of the pocket of my trousers. “Wait - “ I laugh, just barely evading your lips. “Just let me -“_

_I keep stabbing at the lock with the key and missing as you‘re kissing my neck._

_“Oh,” I breathe. “*Sebastian*...”_

 

 

I'm vaguely aware of a structure around us, a strong smell of weed, dull throbs of house music coming from behind a door we pass, your lips on and off mine, your smile, your teeth shining in the dull grey cheap light; and you stop at a door, which must be your door, the door to our paradise for one night; god bless this door, behind which the world is ours alone, for as long as we want... Oh god Richard; you beautiful enchanting prince, you're out of place in this hallway with its grey industrial carpet and grubby walls, you should be in a palace in an enchanted forest, with me the courageous knight come to slay whatever obstacles lie in the way to find you, until finally we are alone in your tower chamber under the full moon, and you sigh that you will be mine forever...

4eva...

Fuck off Sebastian - just don't go there.

Enjoy what you have; and if what you have is a raven-haired ivory-skinned ruby-lipped fairy-tale prince, so much the better...

The obstacle in the way appears to be a door; you're struggling with the lock, which might be because your courageous knight keeps blocking your view, but you taste so _incredibly_ good...

And then miraculously the lock clicks, the door opens, we tumble through, you pull the key out and push it shut behind us -

Alone...

Finally…


	2. I Wanna Be Adored

I don't need to sell my soul  
He's already in me  
I wanna be adored

 

 

_We’re in..._

_*we’re in*, and I’m pulling you inside (not too hard, Jimmy! Richard isn’t Superman, for fuck’s sake...) and kicking the door shut. I lock it behind me, and we’re both reaching for each other desperately - pressing our lips together, tasting each other..._

_I’m already pulling at your jacket before I say, “Can I - take your-“ and then interrupting myself as I kiss you. (Damn, Richard... you’re smooth, I think wryly.)_

_I throw your jacket at a chair and miss, and it falls on the floor with a muffled thump. So much for being a good host..._

_“Would you -“ kiss “l-like a drink-“ kiss “Sebastian?” I murmur, my hands curling around the back of your neck._

 

 

I was right about your muscles - you are stronger than you look. My jacket goes and is thrown in a direction where there is some furniture; irrelevant, it's not furniture that I can get you stretched out naked on, too cramped; I can't go looking for the bedroom, can I? Too presumptuous - but you seem to feel the same way; make no more than a token gesture at offering me a drink, like I would want to taste _anything_ to dilute the essence of you - I've never kissed anyone so longingly, I'm nearly positive... you taste _so incredibly good_ , you are so intoxicating...

and I feel intoxicated, way more than I should - I had two, three beers? Hardly anything... but the world is a blur around you, I have trouble holding on to any thoughts; there is only _Richard_ , and an almost painful longing to be closer to you, closer, as close as I can get...

Damn it, Sebastian, cool it - you're supposed to be the experienced suave guy who's introducing this beautiful boy to the wonderful world of amazing sex, and you're stumbling around like you're half-drugged - _breathe_ , soldier -

I kick myself mentally and try to clear my mind. It only succeeds partially, but I manage to form words -

"All I want is you... beautiful, gorgeous Richard... "

 

 

_I groan at your words... pull you to me, kiss you..._

_My eyes open and look at the sofa dubiously... the bedroom feels endlessly far away, but *no*, we are not doing this anywhere else..._

_“Then... come with me...” I murmur. “And you can have all of me...”_

_My face feels flushed, which I never felt before even when I was human... what are you doing to me?_

_I slowly draw you back with me down the long dark hallway..._

_“I can’t - tell you what this means, Sebastian... I never would have...” I look at the floor as I move and then back at you, beaming. “Never would have dreamed -“ I reach out for the door, and push it back. And just like that, we’re in the bedroom, staring at each other hungrily..._

 

 

My knees buckle at the words _you can have all of me_ and I'm not sure how I remain upright. Oh god Richard - I can't wait to feel that body, see that white delicate skin, taste it, give it gooseflesh - see that flush appear on your face again, see it deepen... _god_...

Your words - so sweet - oh my little prince - and your _smile_ \- even in the dark, it lights up the world. You switch on a bedside light, bathing the room in a soft glow in which your eyes once again look black like the edges of the universe... I could forget myself just staring into those eyes all night... but no, concentrate, Moran, you're a man with a mission -

I pull off your jacket - I was right about your being muscular - those arms are perfect; not bulky like mine, but strong and lithe like a dancer's or a yogi's. In reverence I stroke the inside of your lower arm - so smooth and silky... I press a kiss there, and another, then move back to your neck. You move your head back to facilitate my access, and I softly moan at that, pull you close, suck and bite gently at that perfect skin as I pull at your t-shirt, lift it up and over your head to reveal your chest - so sleek, hairless, it makes you look even more like a boy.

I stroke my fingers over the delicate skin; you're like a marble statue, so smooth and white (and something else - I can't quite put my finger on it - it doesn't matter -). I slide my hands around you, pull you close, kissing your lips, your jaw, your neck, as you pull off my t-shirt. You look at my scars, trace one with a finger, look up at me. "I was in the army," I whisper, and then we are chest to chest, and it feels so good to hold you, you fit so perfectly in my arms; and I need to tell you, you were so sweet, I need to explain to you that this is special for me too, you need to know how unique you are -

"Richard - I - this means so much to me, too - I mean - thank you so much for taking me home, for bringing me here; you are so incredibly beautiful, so fascinating, so sweet -"

I move my lips to your ear, nibble your earlobe, whisper, "I want to make this really good for you, my beautiful prince... I'll do anything for you - tell me what you would like to do, how you would like me to be... I want this to be a night you will never forget..."

 

 

_Your lips on my neck... your hands in my hair... your chest against mine..._

_My head falls back, and I surrender to your touch._

_I was wrong... you're not just a player... not just a predator... you're also... *so fucking sweet*... it sets my teeth on edge to not lunge for your neck._

_Can that be right? If something is sweet, and breathtakingly beautiful - are you supposed to want to kill it? What else would you do?? I'm so confused... I've never felt this way before..._

_Why is it that I feel less clear about things now than I did when I was human? I was ruthless then... I behaved like an unfeeling monster. And now that I'm a monster... I'm feeling something?? Why are *you* waking up feelings in me?_

_All I know is... you're looking at me with *such yearning*... and it's making me yearn *for you*..._

_You asked me questions... What do I want to do?? How would I like you to be?? What would stand out that would make me remember one night in an endless sea, wandering the streets cold and alone?_

_I shiver as your lips travel along my neck. "I want - I n-need - "_

_Strange that my breath should catch in my throat when I don't need to breathe..._

_"I don't care what we do. I just want to feel warm... I need to feel desired..." I breathe. "For one night... I want to be... adored..."_

_*What*? Where is this *coming from*?? My hands curl around your waist._

_"Not just by anyone, Sebastian..." I murmur. "I want you..."_

_I capture your face in my hands and kiss you heatedly._

_"*I want you*," I whisper fiercely._

 

 

Oh my sweet, darling prince...

“You are so adored... you have no idea...” I whisper. “Anyone would... anyone with eyes in their head - you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen; god, you’re _gorgeous_...”... and so sweet, but I shouldn’t say that; it’s not what sweet boys want to hear, sweet boys who dance like the prince of darkness...

We sit on the edge of the bed, fall down on it, feeling with our arms around each other, pulling each other close, kissing, gasping, stroking - you stroke with such _intent_ , like you’re trying to memorize every inch of my skin, like it’s only real and manifest if you have touched it; and you’re right, my body comes alive under your touch, like the earth waking up after a long winter... I’m already dizzy, and we’re just kissing and stroking...

You’ve toed off your shoes, mine are a bit more cumbersome - I release you for a second to bend over my boots and undo the laces as quick as I can and kick them off, then lay you on your back and lean over you, kissing your mouth, your neck, your beautiful smooth chest, making my way down, down over your belly... until I get to the trousers. I look up at you as I undo the button, careful for any indication that it’s not welcome, too soon - but no, you’re looking hungry and expectant, and - there’s something else there - wistful? What are you not getting, my prince? Don’t worry, I’ll give you anything you need... anything you have ever wanted and anything you never knew you wanted...

I pull your zip down, you move up your hips, and I pull down your trousers, revealing black briefs, full of promise...

 

 

_Am I *adored*, my sweet thing? Your words make my lifeless heart feel full of songs, and sighs, and beating wings..._

_And I will carry this sweetness with me for all the nights to come..._

_Your lips trail down my chest and abdomen, leaving behind a luminous sensation. You gaze up at me when you reach the button of my trousers... oh don't stop there, sweetheart, I want to moan. Richard is so ready to feel you *everywhere*..._

_Desire pulses through me at the thought._

_You've pulled down my trousers, and I'm eager for you to follow suit. I sit up quickly, and push you down. You fall back against the mattress very willingly and stare at me as my fingers skim your waistband. I pause and smile slyly. Then slowly I peel your trousers down, moving down to the floor to pull them off. From the floor I gaze up at you, with my hands on your calves, my breathing growing faster and shaky with excitement._

_I crawl over your legs and hips, and straddle you. Both of us are wearing briefs, but there's no hiding our desire._

_"I've never wanted anyone like I've wanted you..." I say, in a daze._

_I lean over you, my hands on either side of your head._

_"I know we won't have more than one night..." I say softly. "But I just wanted you to know, Sebastian... if it were going to be anyone, it would be you."_

_And I realize as I'm saying it... every word is true._

_I don't want this night to ever end... I lean down and kiss you deeply, before falling against you. I roll with you and my legs wrap around your waist._

 

 

Even you taking my trousers off is a dance, a work of art... usually trousers are an obstacle in the way, to be disposed of quickly and efficiently, but you taking them down, moving to the floor in front of me - the things you could do there... - you looking up at me with desire, and then you're on my lap, rubbing against me, my cock _very_ pleased to make yours' acquaintance, even if it is through two thin layers of cloth... I have the feeling they're going to be very good friends...

You've - never wanted anyone like you want me? Oh god - Richard -

but - I think I know what you mean; I mean - I know I desire often and intensely, but this - this is on a whole new level. I am giddy, weak at the knees, disoriented, just from being so close to you - either I'm coming down with something or you are affecting me worse than I've ever experienced. I look up at you, eyes wide, mouth open.

'I know we won't have more than one night -'

Oh thank goodness. I have to admit it was nagging in the back of my mind - you are _so incredibly sweet_ , and I really do _not_ want to hurt you; and I couldn't have borne you asking in the morning if you could see me again... the look of disappointment on your face... your shoulders sagging, like a rejected puppy... my eyes mist over just thinking about it - but you know. And -

oh. You can't either, huh? I wonder why - but only briefly, because your words nearly choke me up - oh Richard -

and before I know it, I agree - like a more jaded version of Romeo and Juliet, we confess our passion for each other - if only we could...

"I know," I say, my throat suspiciously tight. "And - Richard - it would be you, too..."

 

 

_I blink at you. What... just happened??_

_Did we *declare* ourselves while simultaneously revoking the possibility of more?_

_A reverse-declaration?_

_A pre-rescinded proposition?_

_An advance annulled in advance?_

_Christ almighty, Jimmy...*shut up* and focus on the beautiful man between your thighs..._

_Only... if he keeps rubbing his cock against mine like that, it’s going to be very challenging to hold myself back from lunging at him..._

_I find my hand floating to your cheek. “Guess we’re a pair of idiots, then... With dark and terrible secret reasons?” I whisper, teasing. “Stay away from me, I’m dangerous... wait! Come closer, you can’t deny my allure... So in*tox*icating...” I murmur seductively._

_“Well, we’re in for it now, Sebastian... and I for one cannot deny myself what I want for a moment longer...”_

_Uh oh... Richard is growing bolder by the moment..._

_My hands skim down your sides and hook onto the waistband of your briefs. My eyes lock onto yours, and I pull down the fabric - your cock pops out, as though giddy to be free. I keep pulling down your briefs slowly, and you cover my hands to tug them down, before kicking them onto the floor._

_I can’t help but lick my lips when I look down. Mmm... every *inch* of you is beautiful, isn’t it, Sebastian? When I look back up, my fingers are grasping the fabric of my own briefs and pulling them down devastatingly slowly._

 

 

My beautiful prince full of paradoxes... how are you dangerous? What are your terrible and secret reasons? I kind of assumed it was a 'my parents can't know; I'm not ready to come out' kind of thing, but that's hardly _dangerous_... or are you some kind of ancient nobility, having to marry a rich duchess somewhere, and your father would kill you if he saw you with a man?

Hmmm, projecting a bit, are we, Sebastian?

Oh who the fuck cares... we both know and acknowledge we have one night, and we want to make it _count_... My unspoiled boy, my intoxicating prince, my Richard...

Who is getting braver by the minute - there is something about knowing you will only be with a person for one night that makes everything more acute, more intense, but also makes one more daring; as everything is now or never, there is no gradual building up - and no compromise, no embarrassment - pouring your entire potential relationship, however short or long it might have been, in a handful of hours, brings everything into sharp focus.

My cock jumps up eagerly at you and you _lick your lips_ \- I close my eyes and gasp at that; and when I open them again I see you are pulling down your own pants, slowly revealing my prize for the evening - oh. wow. You do _not_ disappoint in any way.

I lean up, pull you down, and we're both naked on the bed, lying on our sides, arms embracing, legs intertwining, lips locking on to each other, cocks rubbing together so exquisitely...

 

 

_It feels almost like we're moving in slow motion towards each other..._

_then we're in each other's arms..._

_legs sliding over each other, my leg around your hip..._

_my lips to your lips..._

_your cock pressed to mine..._

_with no barriers between us, it's a bloody *transcendent moment*..._

_all beautiful skin and hands and lips and *ohhh*..._

_*sooo_

_gooorgeous*..._

_I find myself languorously licking along your throat, ohhh, dangerous, no, *dangerous*..._

_I can smell your blood, I'm breathing in your intoxicating scent..._

_I pull back, moaning..._

_oh fuck... *no*, Richard... I need more time with him, *please*..._

_I kiss your lips again, press my tongue into your mouth..._

_*distract me*, my beautiful man..._

_My hand moves to your cock, and slides down._

_My hips press against yours._

_"Mmm... you feel so good..." I whisper. "What do you want to do with me, Sebastian?"_

 

 

Oh - god - hand -

What do I want to do with you!?

What don’t I want to do with you is probably a shorter list...

Most of all I want to move to a magical realm where a night lasts a thousand years so I can spend the rest of my life worshipping you... I want to walk around town with you in the afternoon and go for a drink in a bar next to the canal and talk for hours about anything and everything... I want to meet your friends who will gently rib me and warn me they will kill me if I hurt you... I want you to show me your favourite film and I want to see your eyes glance at me as you try to see what I think... I want to get out some book of romantic poetry and read to you with a voice so full of conviction...

Wait. Sebastian. What the fuck are you doing, soldier.

You’re _falling_ for him. Hard.

None of those thoughts have anything to do with a night of passion. You want a lifetime of passion. You want to stay with him in the morning, until there will be another night. And another. And another, until you’ve gone past the thousand-and-one into eternity and you just Do. Not.

First of all, you don’t do that kind of attachment. It’s just a brief crush. It will pass.

Second, you are _not_ involving this sweet little boy into your shitty life. Keep him as far away as possible. He’ll go on to have a successful life, find another sweet boy to share it with, and be happy... and only occasionally think back of that night in Camden with the handsome soldier...

Why does that thought make me want to cry?! What the fuck is _wrong_ with you, Sebastian?! _Are_ you coming down with something?

Meanwhile, poor sweet boy is still staring at you with his big black eyes waiting for a bloody answer. Don’t waste your one night...

“I want to do everything with you... everything we both can think of... you are so incredibly sexy, Richard...”

 

 

_It takes you a long time to answer what was intended as a sexy question... one meant to seduce and stir, so I could focus on what you were doing to me, rather than what I wanted to do to you... which was to sink my teeth into your neck like a sweet, juicy apple..._

_Only I don't even *want* to do it... I'm just so *hungry*..._

_I wish I'd had a treat before I started pursuing you..._

_I wish I had never laid eyes on you... then I wouldn't have to think of you being dead by morning._

_Oh *what the fuck*, Moriarty?? Why are you coming down so maudlin all of a sudden?_

_You're a *killer*... down to your bones._

_Always have been._

_Will be for Eternity..._

_So..._

_Just..._

_Fucking..._

_Kill._

_But not yet..._

_First I need to enjoy my big, beautiful soldier..._

_Who is not only *not* answering my question about what he wants to do with my naked body, but is in the throes of daydreaming (??) and looking sadder by the moment._

_Seriously... did someone slip drugs into both our drinks to make us sad and mopey? (Is that the newest thing? And I suppose it would be dubbed 'Eeyoring', I think with exasperation.)_

_You gaze at me longingly and with regret. Finally you take a deep breath and answer._

_OK... not too specific. But I can work with that._

_"Everything we can both think of?" I gaze up at you. "Sounds like it's going to be a long night..." I laugh, and kiss your neck._

_I continue to slide my hand over your cock slowly. "And I'm OK with that... you're so sexy, too..." I murmur into your ear._

_"Do you want - to touch me, Sebastian?"_

 

 

Do I want to - touch you? What the fuck - why am I not touching you already? What is _wrong_ with you, Sebastian?

Something is definitely off. I mean, yes, I seem to have contracted a slight case of infatuation, but overall I seem to just be - not myself, at all. I keep getting distracted, drifting off, nearly hypnotized or mesmerized... and I feel much more intoxicated than I have any right to. No one slipped something in my drink, did they? No, I would have noticed... Not unless it was the barkeep herself, and why would she do such a thing? It's you... is it you? Why would you have such an odd effect on me, even if I'm falling for you? Surely I should then be all over you, rather than feeling half dazed...

But yes, touch you, god yes I want to... my hand is on your cock, my mouth in your neck, you moan against my hair and it makes me shiver. I make my way down, kissing that smooth alabaster chest again, until I reach your beautiful cock. Time to make friends...

I kiss your thigh, then your balls, then slowly kiss my way up your shaft to the top... lick my lips, lick gently around the tip...

 

 

_You seem disoriented for a moment... hmm... I’m not directing any of my mesmerizing abilities at you, nor did I from the very beginning. It feels like a cheat - I much prefer to use my own allure and manipulation. Otherwise it gets *so boring*..._

_But - maybe it’s affecting you, anyway?_

_I push back my vampire ability to fascinate even further. I want you to just see me... the me I was before I was a vampire. Umm, nnnno... not *him*. But what does that leave...? Who was before I became *Moriarty*? There was a part of me, from a long, long time ago, who I needed Moriarty to protect. So I buried him deep. And later I named him Richard Brook..._

_So I just need to let myself truly be Richard for you... and you’ll just respond to him, not Moriarty manipulation or vampire fascination._

_You look at me, and I think you see him... and then you touch my cock and kiss my neck, making me moan. You’re kissing my body like I’ve never been kissed. I certainly never let anyone touch me this way when I was human..._

_And then you’re taking my cock in your mouth... and the way you do it compared to how others have done it... is like night and day. It always felt perfunctory before... a means to an end. There is *nothing perfunctory* about how you kiss me and lick me. Like you see me as a treasure to be cherished and... adored._

_I whimper and move my fingers through your hair._

_Richard is such a sweetheart..._

_“Oh god... Sebastian... you feel so good,” I murmur. “Don’t stop... don’t *ever* stop...”_

_Images float through my mind of walking with you at night, holding your hand. Sleeping with you and waking up to your kiss..._

_Oh god..._

_Richard is falling for Sebastian..._

_Fuck._

 

 

Such a beautiful cock... you never know what you're going to get, but this complements your beauty perfectly. Decent size, though not overly large, perfectly formed, so elegant and so sensitive to my attentions...

You make the most wonderful sounds, and your words are so guileless and beautiful; don't worry my prince, I won't ever stop if you don't want me to...

I swerve my tongue around your head and you whimper, I slowly take you deep and you mewl... Richard, my Richard, I wish I could do this for ever, find out every sound that I'm capable of extracting from you...

Somehow a good bit of cocksucking seems to have cleared my head - it must be the acuteness of it, the direct contact between cock and head; I know what I'm doing when I'm here; I get direct feedback; the world is simple.

However, my own cock is gagging for attention as well - oh god Richard... a beautiful boy like you...

I slowly move my mouth off your cock, leave it in the care of my hand as I move back up to your mouth and kiss it eagerly.

"Richard... my beautiful, gorgeous Richard...

I would love to fuck... have you ever fucked a man? Have you ever been fucked?"

 

 

_Oh god... I've barely had sex as a vampire, and it nearly blows my head off to have someone touch me like that... not someone... *you*._

_It's not that sexual desire goes away for vampires... it's that everything takes a backseat to that all-consuming hunger..._

_So it goes deeper, and we can do without... but the desire is still there... deep in my cells..._

_Like feelings, apparently... who knew I had them?? I was barely aware of them when I was alive!!_

_And now I'm carrying on at your mouth on my cock like an adolescent schoolboy._

_And then you stop, *no*, but you're kissing my mouth, *yes*..._

_*My Richard*, I think faintly as I try to focus on what you're saying to me._

_Oh *god*... Sebastian..._

_"I have... both," I pant. "Just - not that much... and it's been a long time..."_

_I gaze at you dreamily. "And... n-never with anyone I've wanted like this..." I murmur. "Sebastian, I... want to feel you inside..."_

_God, I'm so dying to fuck you, I'm going to leap out of my skin... but I already know I'm going to drink from you when it happens. And I need some time with my Sebastian first..._

_My Sebastian?? Oh, bloody hell... I'm so *fucked.*_

 

 

Your _eyes_ \- so sweet and dreamy - but again with that hint of wistfulness... and a sense of - shock?

Your words set me on fire though - _Sebastian, I want to feel you inside..._

Have hotter words ever been spoken? Oh god Richard - bemused angel fallen to earth, transcendent nocturnal beauty - I will fuck you _so good_... you’ll wank to it for years to come. (as will I... god, as will I.)

I brought lube and condoms, but they’re in my jacket. “Do you have...” I start, and you fluster “Yeah...”, turn, fumble around in a bedside cabinet as I kiss your back and stroke your luscious bottom, pert, perfectly formed, so incredibly seductive... I moan as I pull you close, rub my cock against you - oh _fuck_ you feel good... I want to lose myself inside you, never let go...

You push back slightly, rub yourself against my cock and I shiver with arousal - Richard...

 

 

_I startle at your question - this is real. We are *doing* this. I wish I could tell you that disease and infection are non-issues for me - but I'm hardly going to divulge that I'm a vampire plotting to drain you, but taking the scenic route on the way to your demise._

_I move towards the nightstand to dig through the drawer, and your hands and lips are everywhere... and then your cock, rubbing against me... *fuck*... my eyes close momentarily, and my cock hardens in response. I push back against you, wanting to feel you... I meant what I said - I do want to feel you inside. I believe that is what would happen between Sebastian and Richard, so that's what I want. And I want it with a desire I didn't think was possible..._

_Overcome, my hands fumble and drop the lube on the floor. I stop myself from moving at quicksilver speed to catch it, and instead lean down over the floor to pick it up. This appears to be an angle you can't resist, and you press yourself against me. I laugh, partly hanging off the bed. "Are you going to let me up?" I ask playfully, looking over my shoulder at you and grinning._

 

 

"Do I have to?" I grin back. It's so good to see you grin - you look about twelve, but you look happy; your entire face lights up - I want to see you smile more. Right after I make you groan and come...

I pull you back up onto the bed and you put down a tube of lube and a condom, blushing incredibly sweetly. I kiss you longingly, stroking that smooth back, as I open the tube. I move down, kissing your neck and chest, and you turn over again, offering your delicious bottom to me - oh god, this is happening...

I kiss my way down your neck, your muscular back, your hips, your bum... put some lube on my finger and gently move towards your entrance, leaning on my elbow, looking to see how you respond. You seem to like my gentle fingering just fine... your cock is hard, your eyes are closed, your mouth open. I add some more lube, slide my finger slowly inside you. So tight - but something seems odd - like there's something I'm missing - oh never mind, concentrate, Moran...

 

 

_Damn... your *smile*... and I thought *you* were in danger of being charmed by me._

_You pull me back up and kiss me, and then I'm turning around for you because I *want* you and I can't *wait* any more._

_You're applying lube to me, opening me up. It feels good to let out a slow exhalation, unnecessary though it may be..._

_I let out a soft moan. "So good..." I murmur. "I want to *feel* you, Sebastian..."_

_Soon you're going to be inside me..._

_Soon I'll be *your Richard*... if only for a little while..._

 

 

How do we do this? I spotted the expiry date on the condom - it’s three years old. That doesn’t mean anything of course - but it’s been a while for you and I want this to be wonderful...

I’ve lubed you and myself up good, and your arse is so tempting, but I want to see your face...

I’ve somehow gone sickeningly romantic. But it fits; it fits this sweet shy beautiful boy with the enchanting smile...

I turn you over, kiss you again, pull you on top of me, lift your hips. You get up on your knees and I manoeuvre my cock in position - this is it - Richard...

 

 

_You're hesitating... why are you hesitating??_

_I'm being turned over again, and there's your beautiful face, and - *oh*. Yes, we can do *this*... even better. I can look into your eyes and see your expression change..._

_I feel the head of your cock at my entrance, feel you straining to stay still..._

_I push down over your head, closing my eyes and moaning softly._

_God... you're inside me, and I need *more*, and there's still so far to go..._

_I open my eyes, grasp your shoulders and slowly begin to push down..._

 

 

Oh _god_ in heaven, little baby Jesus, and all the bloody saints, this is... fuck, _Richard_... your beautiful face looking down on me, and then your eyes close - you moan - oh my god this is too much, and it’s only just starting - you feel so _good_ -

Your eyes open again and I’m staring into the depths of the universe before the stars were put in, pulled out of my body into oblivion, then smashed _into_ my body again as you move and slide further down on my cock, which is the most _intense_ feeling imaginable...

You’re leaning on my shoulders and looking down at me with such hunger, it’s almost frightening - like you’re really about to devour me - and I’d let you; I’m mesmerized, hypnotized, tantalized...

My hands are on your hips, and I’m concentrating on not gripping, just gently holding, stroking your side, up to your arm, down to your hand...

I moan, and it’s not until I hear it that I realize I’m moaning your name.

 

 

_Oh god, your eyes... I thought this would be better?? Are you... *falling* for me? Oh no no no... you *can’t*..._

_Staring at you *longing* for me unleashes longing for you right back... but when a vampire longs for someone, things are going to get bloody... because I want to *merge* with you Sebastian, I want to have *all* of you... your cock, your heart, your lifeblood..._

_My jaw is *aching* to snap around your neck... I can barely restrain myself. Your hands - grasping my hips, and then sliding gently along my arm - are so soothing... yes, focus on his beautiful skin, Richard..._

_You moaning *my name* (well, Richard’s) is far less soothing... It feels like the blood inside me heats up, and is about to make my skin burst into flames._

_I wanted to feel not-cold for a night... I am practically aflame with lust, desire, yearning..._

_My gentle descent onto your cock has sped up... halfway down, I pause, bite my lip, stare down at you._

_“It’s been *so long*, Sebastian...” I whisper. “But you were worth the wait...”_

_I push down further with a groan until you’re buried in me. My eyes widen and we stare at each other, totally still._

 

 

Your hunger for me only seems to grow as you look at me longer, slide further onto me. It’s mutual, my Richard... I’d eat you up if I could...

You’re moving down slowly, so slowly, and it feels so incredibly intensely good -

I was worth the wait, my sweet prince? I wish you’d come for me sooner - claimed me as your own the first time you saw me - but - no, then this night would be in the past, no, worst idea ever...

This night needs to be _now_ , and last forever...

You push down, all the way down, oh god I’m inside you, all of me, and it does feel like it, like I am lost inside you, helplessly shackled, between my cock and my eyes both lost in you, there is no way I could move even if I wanted to.

“Richard... you feel - _so incredibly good_...” I manage to moan.

Your eyes seem to get bigger, black with lust, and I’m drowning... drowning in sensation.

 

 

_I have never felt anything like this... in life or in unlife..._

_I have never wanted anyone like this..._

_We both seem frozen, lost, found, helpless..._

_trapped in this moment of losing ourselves and finding each other..._

_like insects swooning in sticky amber..._

_(stupid insects! wake *up*!)_

_I dig deep to find the will to break this moment, this stasis, and I begin to move._

_I rise on your cock, pause - where I'm almost imprisoned in another moment lost in your eyes..._

_and I sink down on your cock, moaning all the way._

_At the bottom, with your cock buried to the hilt in me, I throw my head back, lips parted._

_I look back at you, my hands moving up your chest and face, and caressing your hair._

_"Do you - feel this, too?" I hear myself say._

_Fuck, *Richard*... *no*!!_

 

 

"Yes... god, yes... Richard... I've - god -"

_WHAT ARE YOU DOING SOLDIER!?_

Stop this right this instant. He's falling for you, and you are falling for him, but you _do not do that_. You can't. What if he decides tomorrow that he wants to be *boyfriends*?

 _Yes_...

NO! Stop it Sebastian! You made your choice long ago. You do not do love. You can't, and you don't _want_ to. Remember what happened last time?

_No..._

Right then. Stop acting like some lovelorn teenager and just _fuck_ him like only you can.

"You feel so good -"

It's a cheap cop-out, it's not what I wanted to say, not what you wanted to hear, and I feel fucking _sad_ and _guilty_ about it...

Fucking hell, Sebastian...

 

 

_I would sigh with relief but I don't need to breathe..._

_You were going to say something, I *know* it... thank Christ you didn't..._

_That was bloody close. Richard! We do *not* look for declarations of undying love from our prey. Not that I disapprove of cruelty, far from it - but *this* prey is *so sweet*... so *protective* and *big* and *blue-eyed*..._

_and he *wants* me... for more than just one night, I think, feeling stung._

_So why won't he admit it??_

_Oh, fuck *off*, Richard... you are *not allowed to speak* any more._

_Just give the soldier a delicious send-off to the great beyond... and be on your way._

_I start to increase my pace slightly, and my fingers dig into your shoulders. I arch my back as I move, and push my hips down onto yours._

_I'll show you 'feels good', I think, eyes narrowing._

_"Mmm... you feel *so good* inside me... You have such a gorgeous cock, Sebastian," I whisper, blushing._

 

 

You don't look disappointed - almost relieved.

Yeah - neither of us is ready for that - but then both of us thought it, didn't we? What's going on, Richard? Why am I falling for you _so fucking hard?_ I've seen tons of bricks drop more subtly. There's just something - something enchanting, like I've been waiting all my life for this one night, to meet this one man, who will show me the truth of life and love; who will show me the reality behind the thin veneer of everyday, a reality often glimpsed but never faced full-on...

 _Right_ , that's it, soldier, enough thinking for one night, your brain is obviously overheated, you're rambling.

And you're looking at me, so intensely, moving so _exquisitely_ , making me groan with pleasure, making my hands tighten on your hips as your fingers dig into my shoulders.

Richard... I want you...

_You're literally fucking him. What do you mean you want him?_

I want to take you home I want to feed you your favourite food I want to make you laugh until you cry I want to play card games with you in my kitchen I want to stroll past the river with you I want to know everything about you everything that makes you happy that makes you sad that makes you angry I want everything with you Richard...

_STOP IT!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!_

I am falling in love, that's what's wrong. And I never have - I have those little crushes on people for one night, or half a night, and then they are over - but this is nothing like that, it's a blaze where normally I've only had tealights, and I have no clue how to deal with it.

It's just some boy. You don't even know him. You've exchanged about ten sentences. You can't fall in love with someone just after a dance and a bit of kissing. It's just one of your crushes, and you're coming down with something, that's why it seems so intense.

You move down onto me again, and you are blushing still, why are you _blushing?_ How dare you? Surely it's illegal for a boy of your complexion, your beauty, to blush, highlighting your cheekbones, your cuteness, your dark dark eyes...

I groan at the feeling. It's so fucking intense, so intense - almost too much -

Bloody hell. Well done, Moran. You're here with the sexiest guy you've laid eyes on in... well, as long as you can remember, and you are losing yourself in maudlin thoughts instead of enjoying the fucking _excellent_ fuck you're getting. Way to sabotage yourself.

I moan, gasp at the sensation, stroke your beautiful cock, standing proudly erect and poorly neglected.

 

 

_For someone whose cock is buried in premium arse, you seem awfully distracted..._

_and sad... and frustrated... and *sad*..._

_all since I asked *that question*..._

_Fuck!_

_Richard, you know you're one of my favourite alter egos... but I swear if you fuck this up any more, I will stick you so far into my mind map I won't be able to *find* you again. Let me enjoy the soldier in his last few moments and *stop trying to make us both feel something when he's about to die*!_

_Moving up and down on your cock has made you groan so deliciously..._

_Promising... I'm about to increase the pace again... when suddenly you remember my cock and you stroke it._

_I let out a strangled moan, and my head drops back. "Oh god... Sebastian... *fuck*..."_

_Without thinking about it, I'm sliding up and down on your cock, setting a slow, steady pace._

_When I slide up your cock, you stare at me like a lost treasure (the unholy grail?)... when I pause at the top, you hold your breath... when I push down on your cock, you groan loudly._

_oh god, oh god... why the fuck did I stop having sex?_

_Because it's *never* like this..._

_It's only ever been like this with you..._

_I hold your head in my hands, twisting my fingers through your hair._

_"God... *fuck me*..." I moan._

 

 

Yes - yes Richard, you’re right, let’s concentrate on the fuck, stop wallowing.

And it’s a _good_ fuck... you may be out of practice, but you know what you are doing. God, you do... and you are so hot...

You move tantalizingly slowly, making my cock feel every little move so acutely, looking at me so heartbreakingly longingly -

‘Fuck me...’

Can do, my prince... can do...

I moan, grab your hips, and start moving with you; a primal sensual dance in perfect balance, we’re so attuned, of _course_ we are, and I’m carried away with the intensity, push you up and pull you down, over and over and over again... your eyes close, your head moves back, you groan my name, your fingers dig into my shoulders - time is suspended as we move, writhe, meld together closer than I’ve been with anyone in years; this will never end, it will go on for ever and always, Sebastian and Richard 4eva... lost in pleasure older than time...

 

 

_And soon as I moan, implore, demand for you to fuck me, something clicks between us..._

_Our bodies take over, throwing aside the maudlin overthinking that we both seem to have been dragged down by._

_Thoughts are driven out of my head, and I’m exquisitely aware of your hands clutching my hips, your cock pushing into me, your eyes devouring me, and our bodies are so *so* deliciously in sync, and you feel *big* and *possessive* and *mmmm*..._

_we writhe against each other..._

_I move against you sinuously..._

_lust and excitement mount..._

_and as we move faster and faster to the climax of our enmeshment, our sounds fill the room..._

_gasps, muffled groans, whimpers..._

_our bodies smacking against each other..._

_the mattress creaking, the headboard thumping against the wall..._

_“Oh god... Sebastian...” I cry out. “*Fuck*...”_

 

 

 _Yes_ , that's what I wanted, you shouting my name in delight, gasping, groaning, and grasping in pleasure, because I'm fucking you _so good_ , and just you wait, Richard, what I'll do to you after this... you'll be crying out even louder...

I look at you, your face screwed up in ecstasy, and that pushes me over the threshold - my fingers dig into your hips as I bury myself as deep as I can, and I feel all sensation in my body contract into my balls, then push itself out into you and it's _glorious_ \- I think I am shouting your name now, and god, and fuck, and some incoherent sounds...

I haven't come this intensely in - god - I don't know - not important - _so good_ -

Richard - Richard - _Richard..._

 

 

_Oh... god... oh... *god*..._

_I’ve never felt anything like this before..._

_lust and longing and delirium swirl through me like nepenthe... I have forgotten everything before this shining moment, there is only you you you... *Sebastian*..._

_I’m getting close as you’re stroking me hard, *so close* to a pleasure that whispers ‘come... come...’, beckons me close to the edge, closer, *closer*… and then you’re convulsing and coming, coming inside me, and I wish I could truly feel it Sebastian, I wish I could feel you in me with no barriers... in a daze I hear you call my name, over and over again, and it sounds so sweet on your lips, yes, I’ll be your Richard, *yes*... please, let me have this beautiful soldier, my sweet Sebastian..._

 

 

Oh _god_ \- it feels like it will never end, the shudders, the spasms, each of them shivering pleasure through every cell of my body...

I pant, vision slowly returning to my eyes, and the first thing I see is the face of an angel with eyes of infinite black, staring at me with such yearning, such desire...

... aftershudder...

"Richard..." I whisper.

"That was... god, that was amazing..."

I want to say more; I want to thank you, to call you my dear Richard, say that it was the best orgasm in living memory, but I don't do any of those things; I hold the condom as you slide off me, tie a knot in it and throw it next to the bed, then turn back to you and take you in my arms, kiss you, deeply, sweetly, trying to say with my kiss what I won't allow my words to say.

I take your cock, beautifully erect still, start moving my hand across it - so hard yet flexible, feeling so good...

 

 

_Each shiver, each shudder of yours is double-edged and scores me deeply... it's so delicious to see you come undone with pleasure you have received through my body (dare I say my heart? no, you *don't* and *stop it* now...)... but each one feels like a goodbye, taking me further and further away from this night. I did decide I would drain you while I was fucking you - I will give you an ecstatic death-swoon like you can't even imagine, my darling..._

_it will hurt, and it will hurt *so beautifully*..._

_your final moments will be dark-delicious-*sublime*, and I will carry the memory with me always..._

_*Sebastian*..._

_You withdraw from my body and I want to protest and draw you back to me..._

_condom discarded (the floor, darling?), you return to my arms and it's so beautiful to be kissing you again... your lips are sweet against mine, sweet and hungry still, and you begin to stroke me again..._

_all thoughts of the end are swept away and I move with your hand, sighing and moaning against your neck and grasping your hair..._

 

 

So - that was my orgasm. I should now get to feel less smitten, yes? Not just want to hold you in my arms and kiss you all night, not be utterly enchanted by your little gasps, your moans, your involuntary moves, your hands on me? Or maybe it takes a bit longer? Though it usually doesn't - I perform my tasks, whatever I need to do to leave my partner happy; but I perform them without much passion - that's usually evaporated with my orgasm, replaced by a sympathetic benevolence that will transform into boredom before long.

I doubt that any such thing will happen here - I'm as passionate about your orgasm as I was about mine, and I can't imagine ever getting bored with you - this night is already too short...

 

 

_I find my lips pressed to your neck, then my tongue is licking hard against your throat, and then my teeth are slowly - pushing - down - I have to tear myself off you with a cry. I gaze at your pulsing throat. *WANT*. But then you breathe my name like it’s a holy word, and squeeze my cock as you stroke hard and fast, and I’m shivering, shivering against you, convulsing, crying out as I come so hard in shuddering bursts._

_“*Sebastian*” I gasp. Why am I gasping when I don’t need to breathe...?_

_I press myself against you, lay my head against your chest._

_I have never felt so alive..._

 

 

You're kissing me and then - a cry - god, _Richard_ \- I can feel your desire like it's mine, like I'm caught up in you still, like we are one body; I'm panting and sighing your name as I stroke your cock, not long now, I can feel the pressure building so _deliciously_ , it's like I'm working towards a second orgasm myself - you're holding me, shuddering, and then there it is, like a firework exploding into a million bright colours, your orgasm, and _I_ moan as I feel it...

 _Richard_...

 

You're pressed against my chest, panting, slowly relaxing; and I feel _that_ too...

I had heard of afterglow, but assumed it was just the pleasant warm feeling after sex. This however - this feels different; I feel a warm glow inside me that lights up when I look at you - I feel such affection for you, such sympathy...

I hold you close, as your breathing goes back to normal, as you snuggle closer to me. You're _so sweet_... I just want to hold you as close as I can, kiss your soft hair, stroke your shoulder- I don't know what's coming over me, I never feel so caring, so solicitous, but I want you to feel good... and more than that, I want you to feel good _with me_ , because of me...

 

 

_I can remember what it was like for my heart to pound... I almost feel it now, like an echo. A reverberation from the past, when blood coursed through my veins and my heartbeat told me when I was stimulated, or in danger... I'm feeling a hunger for more, and it's making me almost forget longing for your blood._

_You're kissing my hair and stroking my skin, and it's *so sweet*... I feel a warm glow in my chest, and tingles along my skin._

_I don't know how you're making me *feel* like this, considering as a human I was like cold, polished obsidian... this should not be possible. And there's not exactly a vampire database I can consult. (There really should be... Hmm...)_

_I suppose I could have asked my maker, had I not torn his head from his neck... and his limbs from his body... and then put them through a shredder. An overly hasty move, perhaps. From what I've learned, it's close to impossible to rise against your maker, as they have command over you by virtue of gifting you eternal life. I don't get it, either... but it's moot because there's no fucking way anyone gets to have power over me. I don't care how many centuries they were swooping about, being macabre and scaring peasants._

_I sigh. I seem to be getting the hang of breath-based expressions... it freaks people out less if they see some breathing, and well, I've been a lot closer to you for longer than to my average victim..._

_I gaze up at you with my shy, sweet smile, which must be very familiar to you by now._

_"I was starting to think - I would never touch anyone again... I'm so glad I was wrong..." I duck my head and return to laying against your chest. "Do you - need to go, Sebastian? Or... do you want to stay for a drink?" I ask, holding my breath - unnecessarily, but strangely enough it rings true... I’m feeling - *anxious*._

_You won't make it out the door... but I don't want the end to go down like that._

_I want that beautiful death-embrace I envisioned..._

_for you..._

_for me..._

_for -_

_*us*..._

_(!!!)_

 


	3. Bloody Kisses

Your hand in mine - I will be brave  
Take me from this earth  
  
And end this night - this, the end of life  
  
From the dark I feel your lips  
And I taste your bloody kiss

 

 

"I got time for a drink, yeah..."

You're not moving to get up, nor do I want to let you out of my arms. You're so sweet and small, your smile so shy and cute, and your hair all dishevelled is just _adorable_. I can't stop kissing it, but then I also want to look at your face and...

Jesus Christ, Moran. Write him a poem while you're at it, why don't you...

"Why did you think you'd never touch anyone again?"

Eh - yes, I wanted to know why you think that - but isn’t it a bit much to just ask? On the other hand, you did say... I'll leave it up to you, my sweet adorable Richard. I can't stop touching you, for one...

 

 

_Is this what's known as bliss? When you're feeling all glowy and euphoric and content? I've never actually felt it before... or maybe I did as a child, and I've forgotten..._

_Every time you stroke me or kiss me or ruffle my hair with a grin, I want to fall into paroxysms of pleasure and delight._

_But then you ask me a question. Well, shit... how am I going to answer this, *Richard*?_

_And what does it matter, anyway? Just make something up!_

_*No*... for whatever reason, I don't want to fill your final moments with lies..._

_"Umm... just - ended badly for other people..." I mumble._

_Well... that's not untrue..._

_"But... I just couldn't resist you..."_

_Also true..._

_"Sorry I interrupted your dancing with that girl... She seemed... nice...?"_

_OK, those were blatant lies. Girl was a total bitch. (In fact, I may go back to bite her...) And I'm not at all sorry I put myself between you. You're *mine*..._

_..._

_Umm... what??_

 

 

It’s so lovely, lying here with you in our own little corner of the night. No one will disturb us, for now. It seems safe, and warm, and comfortable - like I’ve been lying here with you so many times already, after a great fuck, whispering truths in the dark that would never be spoken in the harsh light of day...

 

‘ended up badly for other people’? How the fuck... how could being with you end badly?

Couldn’t resist me...

Wait. You’re not the trophy boy of some mob boss, are you? Prone to go dancing on his own and then picking up guys who end up disposed of by his lover’s guys? Suddenly the room feels not quite as safe any more. But - I can’t see you as a trophy boy... you’re too sweet, too guileless - unless that’s an act? No - no one could be that great an actor... I’m good at reading people...

Although - there is something -

I try to put my finger on it, but it keeps vexingly just out of reach.

“I’m so glad you interrupted my dance. I had a much better dance partner after that... and he’s not just brilliant at dancing...”

 

 

_I’ve never had this before... lying with someone... touching... talking... there’s also no one I would have *wanted* to do this with in a million years..._

_god, the thought of a million years. The number of times I thought about a fiery demise - sunlight would work, but it takes a while and some serious determination. We don’t just burst into flames right away, despite what films and books say... sunlight just grows increasingly harsh and uncomfortable over time until the smouldering begins... and eventually, *fwoosh*. Of course I’m used to that from being Irish..._

_Now instead of fiery demises, I find myself idly imagining how life would feel different if I had *this*... which is, of course, ridiculous. I’m not going to saddle myself with a pet - no, you can’t have him, *Richard*._

_Although he is awfully *sweet*._

_Awww..._

_all right, Richard - you’re up._

_I blush, and push your shoulder. “Ohh... *stop*... you’re the one who’s brilliant...” I press a muffled giggle into your shoulder._

_“You know I was just being nice about that girl, don’t you?” I say playfully. “She was... kind of a *bitch*... and I’m a *much* better dancer. I wanted to tell her ‘Dancing isn’t all shaking your hair and your bits, sweetheart’...” I laugh helplessly into your chest. “I’m sorry - now I’m - the bitch,” I choke out in between laughs._

 

 

Oooh, _bitchy_ Richard? How devilishly appealing...

"You're right though - I thought she looked nice, but the way she pushed you away after you'd fallen and apologized - that was damn bitchy.

Heh... you literally _fell_ for me..." I grin, making you giggle even more. Your giggle is a thing of beauty - sweet, infectious, slightly naughty; your teeth shining and your eyes gleaming. I must be grinning from ear to ear as I cuddle you close, kiss those adorable cheekbones and your giggling mouth.

"You are an amazing dancer, though. Have you done ballet or something?"

 

 

_*God*, I can't remember the last time I laughed... unless it was to scare someone, or to be gleefully evil about something... but just laughing with pleasure?? I couldn't recall an occasion if I tried... not after childhood, anyway._

_I look at you wistfully. If I had someone to smile at me like you are, I would have laughed a lot more... god, your face just *lights up*... who needs the stupid sun, I find myself thinking. Shine on, my beautiful soldier..._

_"Hmm? Oh... some... my mam couldn't afford serious training, as I would have liked. So I took classes at our community centre, but mostly I was self-taught through videos and books. I practised at home every day..." I shrug self-consciously. I never divulged that to *anyone*. "And then when I was eighteen and making some money, I made up for lost time and hired a private teacher for classical and contemporary ballet. She was impressed with what I'd managed mostly on my own. Well, I was never going to be a professional dancer, anyway... but I love it, and - sometimes it has its uses..." I wink at you and give you a cheeky smile._

 

 

Ah, yes, that explains the grace and strength.

"You're a great dancer. I loved dancing with you." I'd love to dance with you again - but I can't, of course I can't - stop it Moran - don't you _dare_ start trying to find get-out clauses, like it doesn't count as a date if you just go dancing and not shagging - as if that would ever happen. You'd set the club on fire with the flying sparks.

"I had ballroom dancing classes - I hated it, but my parents made me go. Hour after hour with the most boring girls imaginable, going through the same boring steps... ugh. Ballet would have been better - it's great for your balance, strength, and coordination. It's not like I go waltzing every Sunday afternoon..."

 

 

_"Oh, I don't know... I think ballroom dancing sounds like fun, if it were with the right partner..." I smile up at you. Then I realize what I've said and my eyes widen. What the hell are you doing, Richard? Inviting the man who just fucked your arse to go *ballroom dancing* with you? Should he pick you up in a limo? Or a horse-drawn carriage??_

_"Oh! N-not that I was *suggesting*..." I cover my face. "S-sorry. So, about that drink..." I say sheepishly. "My friend is a bit of a lush, so there's a well-stocked liquor cabinet. I know there's red wine and beer and... I think I saw some whisky... what would you like?" I move to get up._

 

 

I would say 'whatever you're having', but I've _seen_ you drink, so - no.

"A beer would be nice, thanks," I reply, moving to sitting. "And I'd love to go waltzing with you tomorrow afternoon - you think the Ritz are having a string orchestra on? I do hope you have a morning suit I can borrow - I seem to have left mine at my parents' place."

You giggle again - my heart seems to both swell and be squeezed every time you do that - and leave the bedroom, come back with two beers, nice and cold. "I didn't know if you wanted a glass - I didn't bring one, but I could get you one; the cabinet is just outside..." you stumble, blushing again - yes, that has about the same effect on me as your giggles.

"It's fine," I smile, and reach out to take the beer from you. You put yours on your nightstand - I'm not sure if you even like it, or if you just got it so I wouldn't feel like I was drinking alone. I raise it to you, say "Cheers," and take a big sip.

"Is there somewhere I could have a cigarette?"

I hate that these days it's not commonly acceptable to light a fag in your partner's bed any more...

 

 

_You sweep my gaffe under the rug seamlessly. You're so *fucking sweet*. I want to eat you up with a spoon. Oh, who needs a spoon... I just want to *devour* you._

_While I'm off in the kitchen fetching our beers, I remember what it's like to be alone... and the only reason I'm OK with it is because I'm coming back to you in a moment. Seriously... did someone slip something in my drink? If not for moroseness, for falling in - *don't say it*. I am incapable of such things, thank you very much - I certainly don't fall for humans that I picked up in a bar and got buggered by. But oh my, was it a *pleasure*... I can't wait to fuck you, but I'll have to wait a reasonable amount of time for a human male to recover from an orgasm... and then dear Richard may just surprise you with how well he tops, my darling..._

_When I return with the beers, you're smiling at me and I just want to jump on you. But I hold myself back for the moment..._

_"Oh sure. You can light up here, my friend wouldn't mind..."_

_I haven't smoked in an age... suddenly I want nothing more than to be smoking with you in bed, and I climb in next to you._

 

 

"Really? Are you sure?" Oh, that's welcome... Even if you're just being sweet and will spend the morning airing the place out and spraying Febreze, it's certainly better than having to leave this comfortable nest and your presence...

I get my cigarettes out of my trousers and light up, look around for something to use as an ashtray. You fluster again and dash to the living room, come back with a clean ashtray, hand it to me. I hold out my packet, though I don't think you smoke - to my surprise you take one. I do hope this is not more bravado and you do actually smoke, lest I have to save you from a coughing fit in a bit.

I hold up the lighter and light the cigarette for you - and you're definitely a smoker. With practised ease you draw the smoke in your lungs, fall back against the pillow pushed against the headboard, and blow it out.

Wow. I didn't realize smoking looked so _sexy_... these days it's a quick activity huddled under an awning out of the rain with people shivering because they have put their coats in the cloakroom, which _can_ be an advantage, as you get to lend your jacket to a particularly attractive and scantily-dressed smoker, but I much preferred the days when you could lasciviously suck at your cigarette whilst holding the eye of the guy on the other side of the bar, who then had the perfect excuse to come up to you and ask for a light.

Anyway - you make it look particularly enchanting. The ashtray perched between us, we smoke our cigarettes, not speaking, just stroking our fingers against each other, occasionally looking at each other and smiling, like the post-coital ritual of two lovers who are utterly at ease in each other's company.

 

 

_Well, this is a first... I've never done so much running around, playing the genteel host for prey before... (No, seriously... what the *fuck*, Richard...)_

_But when I return with the ashtray, you're sitting up and looking *so hot*, and then I don't mind so much and I'm picturing fucking you again, and *just wait a little longer, I said*..._

_I climb back into bed *again* and you light a cigarette and watch apparently in fascination as I smoke it..._

_ohh.. you *like* this other side of Richard, don't you..._

_the one who says snarky things about bitches who want to sink their claws into you, and can't dance for shit..._

_the one who lights up like a sexy fucker, and has clearly smoked in bed naked with a man before..._

_the one who is all mysterious and cryptic and quite possibly a danger to you..._

_well, just wait, darling... it only gets darker from here._

_As we're smoking we fall into a hushed silence... neither of us speak, and there is only the sound of the sweet sizzle of burning cigarettes... the gentle tap of ash... the breathy inhale and exhale from our lungs..._

_and when our fingers touch, I don't have to pretend to smile shyly..._

_and I have a sinking feeling in my chest that this is not heading in the direction I thought, and oh my fucking god Richard, *what - have - you - done*??_

_When our cigarettes have been smoked and stubbed out, and the ashtray has been moved to the nightstand, we sit in bed staring at each other. You seem as unsure as I do about what to do next._

_"Don't go," I burst out. "N-not yet. I really like you, Sebastian..."_

_I want to pour out everything I feel and my throat is closing up, and this is *not supposed to happen to vampires*..._

_god help me..._

_This is so unbelievably adolescent I want to squirm, but it's as true as sunsets are beautiful and kittens are cute and fuckfuckfuck, I *fucking like you*..._

 

 

Where did that come from? Oh my sweet angel...

I didn’t know I had a protective side, but apparently I do, and it’s quite fierce. My arms move around you of their own accord, and I pull you close.

“I’m not going anywhere”

( _oh really? Staying with him until he’s stable and confident, are you? You’ll have to leave in the morning; what are you going to do if he asks you not to then?_ ) “Richard... I’m right here...

I really like you too...”

( _Oh SURE!!! Give him more hope! Reassure him, get one more shag out of him, and break his heart in the morning!)_

Who says I’ll break his heart? He said it could only be one night himself!

_(Yeah, that’s why he’s sticking to you like clingfilm. You are making a mess of this. You should leave now, before he decides you’re the love of his life. Stick to the confident ones in the future, it’s less complicated.)_

But he’s so sweet... and he wants me here... it’s only for tonight, we both know that...

“I’m not leaving. I’m way too comfortable...”

I kiss your hair, still holding you close. I feel like I could do this forever...

 

 

_Oh god, things are spinning out of control... you've taken to holding me and kissing my hair and whispering reassurances..._

_which is making Richard even more *clingy* and - *gah*_

_(Richard, you are fucking *everything up*. How are you going to kill him if you feel attached to him?_

_If you don't fix this, I'm never letting you out again...)_

_..._

_(*Hello*?)_

_..._

_God, now I'm mentally shouting at my alter ego, who's clamming up, the obstinate little fucker._

_Just. *Won*-der-ful..._

_"You're spending the night?" I beam up at you, as I snuggle against your shoulder. "So we can - do more?"_

_You chuckle and ask me what I'd like to do._

_"Mmm... Sebastian... what don't I want to do with you?" I ask with a sly smile._

 

 

You're so delicious, so beautiful, so sweet... I'm sure I can revive interest in very little time, my gorgeous Richard.

"Mmm, I like that smile - that smile that indicates a mischievous side... is there a mischievous side to you, Richard? Can it come out to play?"

 

 

_I grin at your teasing. When was the last time I was *teased*? No one would live long who dared try, but somehow... when you do it, it's adorable._

_"Mischievous? No, no - deadly serious, actually..." I gently tap your lips with my finger, and watch with delight as you grab my finger to kiss it. "Mmm... but I *could* come out to play... " I purr._

_"Is that what you want, Sebastian?" I say, my voice returning to innocence. I bat my eyelashes at you._

_I can't stop smiling..._

 

 

Oh now you're _putting it on_... batting your eyelashes - you little imp. I'm glad to see playful Richard...

"I _like_ playful Richard... he smiles a lot, and happy Richard is my favourite Richard..."

Good God Sebastian... call a dentist, your teeth must be rotting with all this sweetness...

"Why not, we have all night... how would deadly serious Richard like to play?" I smile.

 

 

_I half-laugh, half-growl in response._

_Oh, shit... once Richard starts to play..._

_where does it end?_

_Quick like a bunny, I straddle your lap and wrap my arms around your neck._

_"How would Richard want to play?" I muse. "I think... Richard might enjoy tying you up..."_

_I press my lips to yours searchingly...searching for what? When I break off from the kiss, you're looking at me with longing. "But if that's n-not your thing, I can think of something else..." I say in a rush._

_I stare into your eyes... and see forever staring back at me._

_oh... god..._

_it's happened._

_It's impossible, but *it's happened*..._

_I..._

_have..._

_fallen._

_for._

_you._

_*SO*._

_*HARD*._

 

 

Oh? _Oh_. _Richard_...

I like _that_ side...

 _Kinky_ Richard...

Apparently my smouldering eyes are not enthusiastic enough, or you’re taken aback at your own courage, flusteringly taking back your words...

No, my dear...

All teasing has disappeared from my voice when I reply.

“I think I might enjoy that... very much.”

Wow, Sebastian, that’s a bedroom voice and a half. Well, what can I say. I am very much into that, and seeing that side in you - my sweet prince - is quite intriguing...

I swallow.

 

 

_I'm still reeling from my *holyfuck* realization when you inform me that you would in fact enjoy being tied up by me._

_Richard._

_The vampire who's biding his time until he drains you dry, but oops! he just fell for you._

_(I'm very angry with you, Richard...)_

_I lower my lashes, and look back up slyly. Oh, you *like* that... I'll have to remember that move._

_"Well, that sounds like it could be *very* fun," I say innocently. "I just have to find something to use..."_

_I climb out of bed, looking over my shoulder at you as I head to the closet._

_You clasp your hands under your head, and look back at me flirtatiously._

_Mmm... best idea ever._

_I'm not dealing with the draining you dry part of the evening yet... I have other things on my mind right now, like your sexy smile... the body that is soon going to be at my mercy... and what the hell am I going to use to restrain you. I don't exactly skulk around with a BDSM travel bag._

_I slide open the door, peruse the contents. "Let's see... Ties, belts... We'll see what works?" I say, and walk back to the bed with a handful of the aforementioned accessories. I drop them on the mattress in a heap._

_"Do you want to - now? Or hang out for longer?"_

_I climb into bed, straddle your lap and kiss you._

 

 

Fuck...

Incredibly hot, a great dancer, too adorable for words, sexy, _and kinky!?_

Did someone read my Christmas list?

Sure, gothy crowd are often open to experimenting... but usually people expect _me_ to tie _them_ down, because, well, I look big and bad, and attract people who are into strong, muscular - and usually dominant - men.

Not that I mind - not in the slightest - but... if I have to choose, I do prefer being the person tied up. And being tied up by this mysterious sweet little boy with such hidden depths... well. I can't wait to see what you'll be like when I'm restrained and at your mercy...

My cock twitches to let me know that he can't wait either.

Tieable materials are dumped onto the bed, making my breath go shallower as I peruse them. Then I have a lap full of Richard, a mouth full of Richard, a mind full of Richard... (and a heart full of... _Shut. Up_ )

I wrap my arms around you, pull you closer, feel that your cock is also perking up again already.

"I think I'm ready when you are... Richard..." I look up at you, my mouth slightly open, licking my lips as I drown in those endless black eyes...

 

 

_If I thought you were smitten with me before... when I drop the makeshift restraints next to you, it seems to ramp up your desire to the nth degree._

_The kiss I give you in response is sweet._

_Then you pull me to you... gaze at me... lick your lips..._

_The next kiss I give you isn’t sweet. It’s filled with hunger... longing... lust..._

_*Mine*..._

_(Uhh... Richard...)_

_*MINE*..._

_(I *give up*... do what you want, you little fool...)_

_I break off the kiss, and press my forehead against yours._

_“I think I’m ready... to have you at my mercy.”_

_I bat my eyelashes at you again._

_“is that what you want, Sebastian?” I ask breathlessly._

 

 

I think my gasp probably tells you all you need to know...

"Yes..." I whisper, looking into your eyes. You're no longer batting your eyelashes coquettishly - something's happening between us, something that's like the current from earlier. Your eyes grow larger, darker... Your mouth is open, your breath so shallow I can't even feel it.

Slowly, you lean to the right, reach out your hand, and pick up a black leather belt. Looking me in the eyes, not speaking, you pick up my right hand and lift it, press it above my head. Then you do the same with my left, still not looking away.

I don't think you can look away. I don't think I can, either. You're the cobra and I'm your prey. Mesmerizer and mesmeree. If either of us move our eyes, the spell will be lost, and neither of us want that.

Your hands loop the belt around my wrists and a rod of the bed frame, pull it tight. You're good at this - have done it before. I could get loose if I really wanted to, but I'm not going to just slip out.

At your mercy, my prince...

 

 

_God... the moment the belt is in my hand.. our eyes just lock._

_There's no denying our connection. I've never stared into someone's eyes like this - just for short periods of time with prey._

_When - did I stop - thinking of you - as prey?_

_No._

_Oh *no*. You have *always* been prey..._

_What the hell else would you be?_

_Slowly I move your hands above your head, gazing at you._

_Yes, I've been feeling electrified by you... yes, I've been falling for you... yes, I've been imagining being with you..._

_My mind blanks out._

_Just - keep - going - Richard..._

_Not looking away, I restrain your wrists to the bed frame, tighten the belt with a purposeful yank._

_"This is where you wanted to be, Sebastian... at my mercy... at my pleasure... and all mine..." I murmur. "Am I right?"_

_I straddle your waist, and splay my hands on your chest._

_"I know, Sebastian... we shouldn't say these things. But what if we whisper? Then maybe it doesn't count..." I lean forward, whispering in your ear. "Maybe we could say things like... I want you to be all mine... and as far as I'm concerned... tonight, *you are mine*..." I lick your earlobe, and begin to chew on your neck. "Mine to do with as I please... my beautiful Sebastian..." My hand holds your head in place, and my fingers tighten in your hair._

 

 

Oh my... where did you _come from_? Who _are_ you, sweet boy with the blackest eyes?

I’m enraptured listening to your words - _so hot_... where did you get this courage, this confidence, all of a sudden? My wrists are tied and suddenly you’re a changed man... daring, seductive, dominant, bold...

And I am a changed man as well - from the tough experienced guy who was going to show you the ropes, I’m the wide-eyed shallow-breathing prey, roped up for your pleasure...

A man who whispers, “Yours... here for your pleasure...”, and closes his eyes as your fingers tighten in his hair; eagerly awaiting whatever comes next...

 

 

_I hear your words and I smile. I press my tongue against your neck, drag it along the tender flesh under your jaw. You taste so good, and I haven't even tried your blood yet. But I can smell it just beneath your skin. Mmmm... soon..._

_For now, I won't tempt myself any further. I dig my fingers into your wrists, and drag along your arms, allowing my nails to scrape your skin. The sound is beautiful, and the purring sound you make even more so..._

_Oh... did we find something we like?_

_"Beautiful Sebastian..." I coo, and continue to drag my fingers along your chest... and down to your abdomen... and down your thighs._

_You seem to be enjoying it and I go a bit harder at the end, leaving light red scrapes and tiny beads of blood._

_I eye them. Can I trust myself to -_

_Oh, *who* am I kidding?_

_I swoop down to lick up the crimson droplets, digging my fingers into your thighs. My eyelids flutter shut._

_"You taste good, Sebastian..." I whisper. Placing hands on either side of your head, I gaze down at you and smile._

_"I like you being here for my pleasure..." I lean down and kiss you hungrily._

 

 

My arms come alive with sensation as your nails drag down them, slowly, almost painfully... but will it hurt? Will your newfound boldness extend to bringing your willing captive pain?

Nails scraping down my chest... so good... my cock perking up... you’re moving down, further down, and then, finally, breaking skin - acute sharp sensation, a gasp - mine - and then you're down onto my legs, sucking up the blood... oh _god_...

Your face above mine, again, looking at me. The light does something to your eyes - they seem different -

Then you kiss me, and I taste my own blood, and moan softly into your mouth.

God - Richard...

_No._

No?

_That's not Richard._

It's not?

No... I don't know what happened, but I'm right. Something's changed, something's come over you, and you couldn't be further away from the sweet shy gay boy that I fell for earlier. My sweet Richard... clumsy, awkward, insecure... who somehow is an amazing dancer, lover... and now is revealed to be a man who can effortlessly dominate a man like me...

You pull back, look me in the eyes. Those endless, dark eyes... Hypnotizing, enchanting, captivating... clearly used to being in control...

 _You_ are you. Not Richard. My sweet, shy, clumsy Richard was a ruse...

He may be one side of you, but there's so much more to you... you are a magnificent predator, outclassing even me. And by masquerading as my prey, you've made me into yours... Oh, how clever...

And here I am, at your mercy, in your bed, tied to a metal rod, already bleeding...

... and with my cock rock-hard.

I have no idea in whose lair I have landed, but I am loving this... I am incredibly fascinated and intrigued by you, whoever you are... not-Richard...

"I love being at your pleasure..." ... not-Richard -

"... Sir."

 

 

_When I break off the kiss, there’s something in your eyes... realization dawning... *recognition*. One predator sees another._

_And your reaction is not to be upset or afraid or anything that smacks of *weakness* and human frailty... no... when you realize that you’ve been prey all along... and are now bleeding and tied up courtesy of a mysterious, cunning stranger... *you* my dear instead are fascinated... *admiring*... and ohhhh, just euphoric to find yourself in my clutches._

_My, my... what treasure did we stumble upon?_

_Then you call me Sir._

_My eyes widen._

_Ohhh... *darling*..._

_I move my hand slowly and sinuously down your cheek and neck, tilting my head as I observe you._

_“What gave me away, my sweet Sebastian?” I ask in my innocent voice, then flash a wicked smile at you. “No one ever figures it out. *No one*... what an unexpected delight you are!”_

_I lick your neck again, and suck on your flesh longingly, my tongue pressing hard against you._

_“Just what are we going to do with you, my intriguing, beautiful soldier?” I murmur against your throat._

 

 

"You're a _very_ convincing Richard..." I smile. "You were getting too into me, maybe... showing your real desires - and finding they aligned very much with mine. And then - your eyes... one predator recognizes another - Sir..."

Your teeth bite my throat gently, and I moan.

"What I don't get, however... why do you do it? Surely you can seduce anyone without playing a role... I'd have come home just as willingly with... whoever you are... as with Richard, adorable though he is. What do you get out of it?"

 

 

_Fascinating to be questioned like this..._

_I shift positions, so my leg is curled around you, and I’m half-resting on your chest, half on the mattress._

_“What do I get out of it?” I muse, resting my cheek on my hand. “I should think that would be obvious... one does grow bored of doing the same thing time after time...“ I sigh._

_“And I’m a man of *parts*, darling. Now if you want to know why I chose Richard for *you*...” I regard you, considering. “Just a feeling. You have such an energy of protection, fierce protection... like it’s what you live for. I thought I’d give you someone to feel protective about...” I lightly touch your face with my hand, almost wistfully. “What Sebastian and Richard had was... very sweet. I didn’t expect that...”_

_We’re staring into each other’s eyes again... my hand slowly caresses your cheek._

 

 

Protection? I have an energy of _protection?_ With Richard, yes - but that was _after_ I met him, because he was so adorable and seemed to need it. But - it's a general thing you saw in me? Huh... I can't say I've ever felt protective about anyone or anything... Not since I was a kid, anyway.

"It was very sweet. And I enjoyed it. But it was... it was not just an act."

I can say this with conviction.

"The awkward clumsy boy was an act, but the sweet boy looking at me wistfully saying 'If it could be anyone, it would be you...' that was real. That was _you_ , whoever _you_ are, or the Richard side of you, or whatever."

 

 

_If I still breathed, I would be holding back a gasp._

_If my heart still beat, it would be pounding._

_I feel like Richard is grinning at me... whispering, “You know he’s right, Jimmy...”_

_Shut the fuck up, you silly twat. Your part in this is done..._

_Now I feel him pouting... of course. Pout all you want, my dumpling. It won’t change what fate has decreed for your little pet..._

_“Sweet boy...” I said, as if I was tasting the words. “Sweet. Boy. *Huh*... There’s a thought. Darling, I have *never* been accused of being sweet... even when I-“ I stop myself from saying what I was about to divulge. You’ll discover the truth soon enough... when my teeth are in your throat._

_“Anyway... we’re here, naked, and horny, and you’re so deliciously tied up... Shall we continue our evening of - Not an act?” I demand._

_“Not an act?? What do you care, Mr ‘You can touch me for tonight and then I’ll be gone, sweet Richard’??”_

_Why ... do I sound so *stung*?_

_And why does it feel like Richard is laughing at me??_

 

 

 _Ooooh_...

 _Someone_ is miffed. And it seems to be of a dual nature - first that I dare assume that the sweet boy was not an act - which it _wasn’t_ , and you know it, and you’re not insisting it was, just moving along-

and second, you are pissed off at my having said that I’d be gone after tonight - but so had _you_ \- and you even said you were _dangerous_...

What danger lies within you then, handsome stranger? And how does it make you need to leave me after one night, but still make you miffed that _I_ have to leave after one night?

You get curiouser and curiouser...

However, I best stop the third degree, if I don’t want to risk pissing you off or upsetting you. I’ll find out your secrets... or not. But I’m tied down naked in a bed with a very sexy man, who was about to show me a very good time, before I started digging.

If he wants to be a mysterious stranger, let him be a mysterious stranger...

but a mysterious stranger who fucks me.

“I’m sorry, Sir, it’s none of my business...” I say, trying to sound contrite. “Let us pick up where we were... if you so desire.”

I lick my lips.

 

 

_I narrow my eyes at you for a moment, searching for further slights in your words and finding none. But the slights already gathered are still vexing me... who do you think you are to make *declarations* about me! Will *your face be red* when I vamp out!_

_But I suppose I can do something with this vexation that will be *very* pleasurable..._

_"If I so desire..." I purr. "That's more like it... I can think of plenty of things that I desire. Where to begin..."_

_I have no implements for whipping, flogging, etc. It's been so long since I've thought of this proclivity of mine. I glance around the room and my eyes settle on one of the lovely hard leather belts on the bed._

_I grab hold of the belt looped around your wrists and stare at you._

_“I’m going to loosen this so you can turn over. Don’t try to get away or I shall be very cross with you, Sebastian...”_

_I give you a wicked smile as I undo your restraints._

_“What are you waiting for?” I make an impatient gesture implying you should turn around, and you do so with a grin._

_I reattach your wrists to the bed, and stare at your body in hunger._

_“Mmm...*beautiful* view... makes me want to -“ I bring the belt down against your arse, making a gorgeous smacking sound. You jump with surprise, but was that a moan I heard?_

_“Yesss, my darling... it *is* good, isn't it...”_

_I bring the belt down harder on the other cheek, and shiver at the sound. *God*, I've missed this..._

 

 

You look so fucking hot like this... looking me over like a tasty platter laid out for you to enjoy... like what you see, handsome stranger not-Richard? Am I ever going to even learn your name?

I love this sensation of being an object of lust... Being observed to see what delights I can bring...

And then you order me to turn over and I grin, almost shivering with excitement. You wouldn't... by any chance...

_smack_

A line of fire across my arse.

Oh - _god_... oh god you are... oh fuck... I moan involuntarily.

_smack_

Slightly harder - you do not hold back, there's nothing tentative or hesitant about this; these are the lashes of a man who knows what he wants to give and who knows that I can take it - _want_ to take it...

Oh _fuck_...

_smack_

_Fuck_ , handsome stranger, you're _good_ \- who the fuck are you, where did you come from, how did you know...

 _lash_ across my back and I groan at the acute pain shooting straight through to my cock, rubbing against the bed.

I open my eyes to see the mattress, the rods of the bed frame, but with my mind's eye, I see a black abyss, and I'm hurtling headlong into it...

 _smack_ oh god delicious pain...

 _smack_ I moan with desire and ecstasy...

Damn, Sebastian, you are _so_ fucked... here you were falling for a beautiful sweet prince, and then it turns out the prince has an evil twin who is a mysterious dangerous stranger... and you're falling _doubly hard_.

How am I ever going to walk away from this?!

 

 

_As I thrash your back with the whip, your body moves in response, and you groan in ecstasy._

_*God*... Richard and Sebastian had such a *sweet* connection, they practically had the makings of a faerie tale... one with a sweet prince and a dashing knight riding off into the sunset on a white steed._

_But *Jim and Sebastian*... are another kind of story. The kind that's told at night - over a fire, in a hushed voice. The kind that makes you jump at snapping twigs and moving shadows. A cautionary tale of not trusting strangers, or expecting scorpions to be anything other than what they are... I'm afraid it won't be a happy story for our dashing knight... but the least the evil prince can do is dispatch him with a smile on his face. I decide the thing to do will be to bite you during your orgasm. You'll be so out of your head, you won't know what's happening, and the pain will mix with pleasure and it will be *rapturous*... anything for you, my beautiful knight... erm, soldier._

_I rain down lashes of the belt onto your back and arse, and your response is so gorgeous... soon your skin is just covered in lines of reddening welts. I've always loved symmetry... you're my work of art._

_God, you're so *beautiful*, Sebastian... in a flash of movement, I loop the belt around your neck. I hold it just tightly enough to pull your head back so I can kiss you feverishly._

_"Mine... to do with as I see fit..." I whisper into your ear. "*Say it*, Sebastian..."_

 

 

_lash... lash... lash..._

I melt into the delicious pattern - sharp sensation - pain - glow - bliss - repeat -

It's hypnotizing, it's intoxicating, it's fucking ecstasy... Regular enough to slip into a trance, painful enough to keep me alert - perfect, fucking perfect... god, stranger, who are you, how do you know how to seduce a predator and make him your rapturous prey _so flawlessly_?

The lashes stop. My back and bottom glow exquisitely; you hop onto the bed beside me -

Belt around my neck -

My training kicks in - _danger_ \- but my submissive side, whipped up by your lashes, is delighted, eagerly lets itself be kissed, and tells my training to go do one; the belt is not too tight, and if it does become so, _then_ training can join the party, not before. Lie still and be kissed.

Fuck, your words flow through me like red hot lava, setting all my nerve endings on fire...

"Yours, Sir... all yours, here for your pleasure..."

I realize that I mean it.

I'm in so deep... I just need to find out if it's in deep bliss or in deep shit...

 

 

_There’s a moment when I’m not sure if you’ll resist the belt around your neck - I can sense lethal power in you, ready and waiting to spring - you seem all loose and relaxed but like you’d be more than happy to tear out someone’s throat in an instant. Like a predatory cat._

_But then you quickly relax back into bliss, and kiss me back just as hungrily._

_Mmm... this is even hotter than before. Richard can swoon and stutter and bat his eyelashes all he likes, the little tart. Jim is back and here to stay... and is delighted to discover that his soldier is so *into* this..._

_“God, Sebastian... I can’t hold back a fucking minute longer. I want you... and I *will have* you...” I murmur into your ear, and watch you shiver._

_The best thing to do would be to take you from behind... so I can have easy access to your throat with no resistance._

_(And so you don’t have to look at his face when you kill him? my residual Richard demands.)_

_SHUT IT, Richard... Daddy’s back in the driver’s seat and needs complete SILENCE from you now..._

_I drag my hand along your back and luscious bottom... and before I know it, I’ve pulled the belts from your throat and wrists._

_“Turn over,” I order in a voice like torn satin._

_You do, and I’m transfixed by your eyes... god, the depth of your ecstasy and your surrender..._

_I force myself to restrain you again with the belt._

_“Get your knees up and open your legs - wider,” I say in a feral growl._

_I snatch up the lube and rub it onto myself and you, and prod your entrance with the head of my cock. I look at you and hesitate... I press into you and you gasp. I stop, feel you adjust and relax internally... and push in deeper still._

_“You didn’t expect any of this when you took me home... did you, my beautiful soldier...” I whisper._

_Stop. Being. Sweet. To. The. Prey. I snarl at myself._

_And I lean down and kiss you deeply._

 

 

Yes - oh god yes, fuck me, fuck me, handsome stranger with the piercing eyes - I want you to take all possible pleasure from me, I'm yours, fuck, please...

I turn over as ordered, look at you with what must be wide and hungry eyes - _fuck_ , I'm so fucking turned on -

You take your time, tie me down again, which only ignites me further - here I lie, hands tied over my head, at your mercy, awaiting your pleasure...

And then you. enter. me.

And it is breathtaking. I feel _so_ surrendered, I so want you inside me - I can't believe I was inside you earlier, when I still believed you were your good twin - god, Richard and not-Richard, two glorious sides of the same coin, and what a coin it is, I did win the jackpot tonight...

Tonight...

Only tonight...

Don't think about it, you idiot. Enjoy the best fucking sex you've had in... ever.

I moan as you push further into me - oh fuck _so good_... The pressure, your eyes looking into mine, my wrists restrained, my thighs pushed apart by your body...

"No... this was the last thing I expected... but it is - excessively welcome -" I pant.

And then you kiss me, your tongue claiming my mouth like your cock is claiming my arse, and I'm lost...

Please, take me, take all of me, I'm yours...

 

 

_Utter submission... that is what I feel in you..._

_I’m plunging into you so deeply._

_Physically..._

_Mentally, emotionally... (???)_

_You want this - with me._

_Of course, neither of us can have *this*..._

_All I can do is give you the fuck of a lifetime..._

_And send you on your way._

_Something twinges inside me, deep in my gut... what is *that*?_

_I shift my weight slightly, but it doesn’t stop._

_So I start to move faster..._

_I hear you moan loudly, and I return to my body and yours with a shock. Where was I just now? What was I... feeling?_

_I give myself a shake, and focus on the experience of being inside you... buried deep in your sweet arse._

_I focus on my hands grasping your hips, drawing your pelvis against mine, drawing me more deeply into you._

_I focus on your eyes, fixed on mine..._

_blue like the sky after a storm... I almost feel like I’m standing in daylight when I look at you._

_Beautiful..._

_so beautiful..._

_“You want to be all mine, do you?” I whisper urgently. “Truly mine, Sebastian?”_

_Because I can give you that... when you pass out of this world, you’ll remain mine for all eternity..._

_I feel wetness in my eyes and I blink it back furiously._

 

 

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck this is good... You fill me up so perfectly, my back and arse are glowing from the whipping, my cock is at bursting point, my entire body is on fire...

Your eyes stare into mine and it's like staring into infinity, those eyes have seen beyond the edges of the universe and are carrying a burden that is too heavy... and just as I'm thinking that, you whisper your words of possession, but your eyes spill over...

What is going on, my prince?

You were right, I do have a protective vibe... I feel this immense urge to hold you, keep you safe from whatever might be threatening you, comfort you in your sorrows, promise you that I will make it right...

Huh.

"I am yours, my prince..." I whisper. Wait, what? We were not going to say that out loud, were we, Moran?

"What is wrong?"

 

 

_“I am yours, my prince..?”_

_!!!_

_Whatever words were spoken previously..._

_Whatever your conscious mind told you..._

_You want me to sink deeper into you, don’t you, Sebastian..._

_right - into - the - heart - of - you._

_More than anything you’ve ever wanted..._

_You. Want. To. Be. Mine._

_And it can’t be... *it can never be*..._

_I feel a shiver move through me._

_“It’s nothing...” I assure you, taking shelter in Richard for a moment to gather myself. I grow still and wipe my eyes. “There’s something in my friend’s apartment that I have an allergic reaction to sometimes... at least I’m not having a sneezing fit during an epic fuck,” I grin at you._

_You smile back, but a look of concern remains in your eyes._

_“Speaking of epic fuck, darling...“ I whisper. I wind my hands through your hair, and pull your head back. Then I resume my pace, making you groan with pleasure._

_*Shit*... that came awfully close to derailing *everything*... Predators do not have sweet, funny moments with their prey!!_

_They don’t care about their *feelings*..._

_And they certainly don’t tell white lies to cover up their *tears*..._

_What the fuck is wrong with you!!_

_(Couldn’t we...)_

_Couldn’t. We. What._

_(Keep him?)_

_Your work here is done, Richard... run along now... Daddy’s got this._

_I feel a surge of anguish within, and promptly stifle it._

_I slowly loosen my grip on the predatory urge that I’ve been so tightly controlling. It comes roaring out like sweet black rapids and I moan. I have to pull back to keep my eyes from glowing... To keep my throat from growling... To keep my nails from sinking into your neck... letting that gorgeous crimson blood spill out for me..._

_No... we wait for the moment of orgasm as decided..._

_I growl in frustration, and continue to bury myself in you over and over again. Heat and lust are rising in me, and my moans join yours._

_I reach down and begin to stroke your beautiful cock._

_The moment advances towards us... I will make it so beautiful for you, my knight... you’ll be mine for always in death, as you could never be in life._

_And I realize with a shock this is what I desire, too..._

_more than anything I’ve ever wanted..._

_I. Want. You. To. Be. Mine._

 

 

You look at me... and there's that wistful look again. What is _going on_ with you, Richard-not-Richard? You want me. You want to possess me. And then when you do - you seem sad. Why?

Because this can't last?

... Can't it?

Oh no you don't, soldier.

Yeah but seriously...

NO.

 _Look_. He's not the innocent boy you thought he was. He is a strong predator, like you... couldn't you... I don't know, have an agreement?

An _agreement?_

Yes, like - you meet once a week, have an epic fuck, don't talk about your work, or where you live, or whatever - just - see him... let him be Richard, and hold him... kiss him... stroke him, adore him, fuck him...

... or let him be not-Richard, and walk in, take off your clothes, and kneel at his feet...

Why can't I have that? Why can't I just have that one thing?

You know why, Sebastian...

 

You're not having an allergy - you're sad - because of the same thing? Because we can't have this?

My prince... God I'd have given you _anything_...

 

... and then my brain is shut off because my head is yanked back - oh yes, epic fuck in progress - what _is_ it with me tonight? Why do I keep getting distracted? That's so not like me...

Thoughts are halted when your rhythm recommences, and I groan deeply with pleasure - who cares about tomorrow, when I have _this_ tonight, this ultimate bliss - your moans, moans from the pleasure I'm giving you, such intense pleasure -

And then you touch my cock and I think I will explode, I'm _so_ fucking turned on...

"Oh - god - oh god oh fuck my prince... oh god yes, please, yours, please..." I rant, as rapture more intense than I could have ever imagined gathers in my body.

 

 

_Oh god..._

_your words, your pleading, are undoing me..._

_“*Fuck*... yes, *mine*, Sebastian... my dark - beautiful - knight -” I rant, head thrown back._

_Stay the course, Moriarty..._

_I thrust harder and deeper,_

_stroke you harder and faster,_

_groaning as I do..._

_fuuuuck..._

_I have to time this perfectly, to give you the ecstatic death you deserve._

_As I approach the moment... I’m feeling tightness in my chest. A cold hand is squeezing my heart..._

_Blackness is surrounding me, and I imagine myself falling through an abyss, in flames..._

 

_Or maybe it's you I see falling, your fate sealed as it is... a bright, burning star falling through the blackness of the night sky..._

 

_“Oh god... Sebastian...”_

 

 

You’re ranting much like I am, saying I’m _yours_ , fucking me harder, and I’m _so close_ -

And then you moan my name, and the entire universe contracts inside my balls - oh god...

I want to groan your name, but I don’t know it...

“God - oh god - I’m going to - come - Sir... oh god...”

 

 

_I lean in for a final kiss, taste your tongue, feel your gasps in my mouth._

_I stare into your eyes for the final time, looking into forever..._

_I am flooded with a feeling of light, like someone has thrown open the shutters in a room that has been swamped in darkness for a very long time..._

_“Come for me... come, my brave knight...” I whisper, steeling myself._

_You shiver and twitch, and I feel your cock pulsing once, twice... pause... and then comes the explosion of pleasure..._

_Oh... god..._

_*Do it*..._

_(Nooo...)_

_*DO IT*..._

_(Oh... my Sebastian...)_

_I watch you as you convulse in a flurry of gasping and moaning._

_It’s time..._

_I rear up, cradle your head... lean in to kiss your neck..._

_press my tongue against your skin..._

_Then my teeth..._

_you’re still shivering against me; your orgasm is going forever..._

_My fangs descend._

_Pierce your flesh._

_There’s a gasp, and your body jerks in surprise._

_The sucking begins, drawing up your sweet lifeblood..._

_The pain must be so intense..._

_I taste your blood, and I moan with pleasure._

_I had the tiniest taste when I scratched you... but I was closing myself off from enjoying it too much._

_Now nothing is holding me back..._

_Holy fuck..._

_So good..._

_The metallic tang..._

_The essence of Sebastian..._

_I drink deeper, swallow, moan... as you continue to shiver against me._

_You are unlike anyone I’ve ever tasted..._

_I taste violence and rage..._

_Love, like fragile, beating wings..._

_Devotion, like sweet nectar..._

_Bitterness, buried deep... like cyanide in a red, juicy apple._

_Surrender like a deep dive..._

_Oh... god..._

_you’re moaning, shivering, gasping as I take your blood..._

_Do you surrender to me, even now?_

_You - are - my - perfect - my - beautiful - *My Sebastian*-_

_I have to see your eyes one more time, while there is still life and light in them..._

_I pull back... suddenly terrified I’ll see hatred in your eyes._

_“Sebastian?” I whisper, feeling the wetness on my lips and chin..._

_Your eyes are closed, your skin is pale..._

_“Darling?” I hear myself say in a small voice, feeling my body begin to shiver._


	4. Can't Stand Losing You

I guess this is our last goodbye  
And you don't care, so I won't cry

 

 

Oh god this is it - pleasure floods through me like an electric shock, paralysing my limbs, pushing itself out of me into your hand while your cock is buried deep inside me, and it’s the best orgasm _ever_ , I am sure of it, I could never have survived this intensity - don’t know if I will survive it now, oh god -

Wave after wave of surging ecstasy - oh fuckkkk, RichardnotRichard, oh god, too much, I don’t know how I will be able to take this...

And then you kiss my neck and _bite_ , drawing blood, and _fuckkkk_ \- oh god that feels fucking _perfect_ , the pain so acute, as my orgasm still surges through me, oh god oh god...

So good...

So incredibly good...

Almost too much...

Almost...

 

 

_You’re not moving... not speaking... eyes still closed..._

_(Yeah, eeejit - you’re *killing* him. That’s what happens.)_

_oh god, so pale..._

_“Sebastian...” I call out softly._

_I pull out of you gingerly, begin to pat your face gently._

_Suddenly filled with fury, I slap you._

_“Sebastian!” I shout. “Do you have fucking permission to leave me? You come back to me right the fuck *now*!”_

 

 

So good...

but I’m drained now... I can’t, you’re still fucking me, I can’t just fall asleep... come on Seb...

So... dark... soft bed... heavy body...

So good...

 

 

_I let out a strangled scream and tear at the bedsheet. I hold the strip of cloth against your neck to staunch the bleeding. Fuck, what now... *fuck*..._

_I don’t generally need to worry about bringing them back from the edge..._

_“So sorry.. so sorry...” I whimper as I hold the cloth to your neck and watch it bloom red._

_You were a genius in life... and you want to sit around whinging like a child, instead of being an undead creature of darkness? HANDLE IT, and stop wasting time. He needs WHAT, darling?_

_Fluids? Iron? Nutrients?_

_*Bravo*..._

_I lift you effortlessly, carry you to the living room sofa. I need to keep an eye on you if I’m getting food for you… I lie you down, wedge a cushion against your neck to keep the sheet in place, more cushions under your feet to keep your legs elevated. Then I rush to the kitchen. I get a water bottle, take it to the sofa and stare at you in anguish, before leaving it next to you._

_Then I return to the kitchen and start pawing through the cans in the pantry. Chicken soup? Chilli Con Carne? Thank Christ this AirBnB host was not a vegetarian... There are also frozen meals with meat... a nice, hearty shepherd’s pie? I throw it in the microwave, and start heating chicken soup for you to start with._

_“Sebastian?” I call out to you. “This has gone on long enough! Stop being obstinate and wake up, darling!”_

 

 

I feel very tired, but there's something... important... I need to wake up...

Everything hurts... My breathing is shallow - I can't get enough air -

What's happened? I am so tired...

... no, I have to get up... there's something... someone...

I can't move... not enough air...

_Moran._

What...

_Moran!_

What!?

_Soldier! Get it together!_

Get _what_ together??

_You're in danger!! Severe blood loss! Don't lose consciousness or you may slip into a coma! Replenish fluids! Get a medic!_

I will... in a moment... So tired...

_NO! Open your eyes! OPEN YOUR EYES, soldier!_

Ungh...

_Wake up, darling!_

What...? Who is darling?

I open my eyes to see a ceiling, a standing light, a cushion - I'm on a sofa?

 

 

_I’m manically stirring soup and cursing like a sailor, which is the most bizarre thing I have *ever* done in my vampire unlife, when I hear another type of stirring from the living room. There’s a creak of springs and a sigh, and then the *splosh* of a spoon dropping in hot soup. I run to the sofa before I’ve realized what I’m doing, and I have to stop from flinging myself at you. I kneel on the floor, and take your face in my hands._

_“Sebastian,” I say firmly. “*Wake the fuck up*. *Darling*. You need fluids and you need protein. And I don’t fancy you choking to death when I pour hot soup down your fucking throat.” I stare at you, willing you with everything I have to open your eyes._

_“Open those beautiful bloody eyes, Sebastian...” I growl, and press my lips to your forehead._

 

 

Not interested... so tired...

Why are you holding my head? Why are you calling me darling? Who are you, anyway?

I open my eyes to see a panicking guy - Richard? -

"There you are! Wake up, Sebastian!!"

What... who are you? There was - are you Richard?

 

So tired...

 

"No! Sebastian! Look at me!"

 

Why? I mean, you're pretty, but... eyes are heavy...

There's something...

"Sebastian! You need fluids - you need to drink - stay awake, Sebastian, please..."

Fluids - yes - wait - blood loss? Was there something...

I move - pain - there's a pressure on my neck...

Wait -

 _Wait_ -

"You bit me-"

I try to turn to face you, but my neck hurts... why does it hurt so much?

"You bit me - I lost blood? What - what the fuck happened?"

 

 

_Shit… you’re finally awake, but you’re too focused on figuring out what happened to drink from the water bottle I’m trying to shove at you._

_I groan in frustration. “Sebastian! I will answer all your bloody questions, I just need to you to shut the fuck up for a moment long enough to *drink this*…”_

_You look at me, and suspicion, confusion, and anger flit through your eyes before resignation settles. “All right…” you say in a hoarse voice, vibrating with tension._

_I push the bottle at your mouth, and you grab it from me weakly and start to drink._

_I watch you closely and jump forward when you choke on it. “Slowly,” I soothe, rubbing your back. “You keep drinking that - *slowly* - and I’ll bring you some soup…”_

_I hear the sound of liquid spilling, and my head pops up. “Fuck! No!” I move like quicksilver to the kitchen to grab the pot of soup that’s started boiling over on the stove. I stand holding a dripping pot, staring at the stovetop covered in bubbling soup. The microwave begins to beep loudly._

_I close my eyes. “Jaisus… I haven’t done this for a *really long* fecking time…” I mutter. I look around, unsure of what to do first._

_“Right. Soup requires bowl…” I put the pot down on an element, and pull a cheery red ceramic bowl from a shelf. I pour the soup carefully into it. I start to walk back into the living room, then stop._

_“Spoon. Where are you, spoon…” I mumble, pulling open drawers and finally finding cutlery. Triumphantly I throw a spoon into the bowl with a wet *plunk*. The microwave beeps again shrilly._

_I curse through gritted teeth, put the bowl down, and pull out the sizzling shepherd’s pie. “You just cool over here, fucker…” I say, seething as I throw it on the counter. I pick up the bowl of soup and finally carry it over to you where you’re staring at me in disbelief._

_“Your soup,” I say proudly. “I heated it myself! And you will eat every bite…”_

_I sit on the sofa next to you, ladle up a spoonful of soup and hold it out to you expectantly. You continue to stare at me._

_“What are you waiting for?” I demand. “Eat!”_

 

 

Yes - drink - replenish fluids, most important. Salt and iron - soup will have salt. Maybe you have iron supplements.

How did you rush to the kitchen so quickly?

I'm confused... must be hallucinating from blood loss.

I'm too weak to hold the fucking bottle - but my neck - what happened to my neck -

With superhuman effort, I move my hand to my neck. A cloth, with some blood on it - not drenched, so the wound can't be that big. But I'm suffering from hypovolemic shock. So how did I lose so much blood so quickly? The last thing I remember is coming so spectacularly, you biting my neck, drawing blood - but you don't lose that much blood through a _neck bite_ , for fuck's sake...

Did something else happen to make me pass out? I thought I was coming down with something... or potentially drugged... But the symptoms all point to blood loss. And you put me down with my legs up - you knew I had lost blood. So, you saw me lose the blood - made me lose the blood? But how?

I do a check of the rest of my body - no more wounds that I can feel.

"What the fuck happened, not-Richard?"

 

 

_I make a frustrated sound._

_“You are being *very* exasperating, Sebastian... you must know how important it is to take in fluids and nutrients after blood loss! I’ll answer a question for each spoonful of soup you eat. All right? I bit you. Now, *you eat*...”_

_I hold the spoonful of soup towards you._

 

 

Well, you're not trying to kill me - quite the opposite - so I assume the soup is safe. I suck the hot liquid in carefully, swallow it. It doesn't taste salty - a clear sign that I lack minerals; again indicating blood loss. I look at you angrily.

"What. The fuck. Happened."

 

 

_I look back at you, annoyed. “Do you really want to repeat the same question for your turn? I bit you. Eat.” I push another spoonful of soup at you._

 

 

I ignore the spoon.

“I know you fucking bit me. How did I lose so much blood that I passed out?!”

 

 

_“I drank it. But in my defence, I didn’t take as much as I had planned... Now. Stop being so obstinate. Take this.” I push the spoon at you yet again._

 

 

“You - drank it?! Enough to make me hypovolemic?? What the fuck are you, a vampire?!”

 

 

_“That’s *three* questions,” I say mildly. “Hardly fair, but the answer is one and the same, so I’ll give it to you.” I smile at you slowly. “*Yes*, darling...”_

 

 

"Fuck off," I retort.

You look serious though.

Oh.

Oh fucking _typical_.

Meet the most bloody amazing shag in London and he's a nutter.

A nutter who drained me of an awfully large amount of blood...

"You didn't _actually_ drink all of that, did you?"

Can people suck so much blood from others? Wait, do you do this _regularly_!? Why haven't you been locked up?

 

 

_“Fuck, *yes*... and it was exquisite. You are remarkably... tasty...” I say, eying your neck. Mmm..._

_*No*. Bad repentant vampire... no snatching the beautiful soldier back from the jaws of death just to drain him dry!_

_I sigh. “No reason you’d believe me. If you stop nattering long enough to eat something, I’ll demonstrate. Not on you, of course...” I grin._

 

 

Yes, I must eat... and keep a close eye on this madman.

Bloody hell. You could have killed me.

How, though? How did you drain a trained elite killer quickly enough to make him pass out? I should have realized what was happening and punched your lights out - but instead I just went from climax to knockout. Did you drug me after all?

I take some more of the soup you are hovering in front of me insistently, look at you challengingly - right then, Mr Vampire, show me your stuff. And don’t touch me, or blood loss or not, you’re fucked.

 

 

_You finally start to eat the soup, and for a moment I think I’m going to fall over in relief. Jesus... how the fuck did you affect me so much?? By the suspicious look on your face, I suspect you’re feeling the same way... (Which is not exactly *grateful* for me saving your life, Sebastian...!)_

_We both eye each other as you methodically spoon soup into your mouth. You look at me expectantly and glaring, and I roll my eyes._

_“Dinner and a show, is it... fine. Don’t eat while I demonstrate - if I held myself back from the most delectable blood I’ve ever had, only to lose you to soup... I shall be *very cross*.”_

_I give you a snarky smile and open my mouth. My fangs descend and I raise an eyebrow. “Well?”_

 

 

My arm is unsteady as I eat the soup - like I've done weights that are too heavy. I look at you expectantly - so what are we going to get?

You smile.

Your teeth.

Your teeth grow.

What. The. Fuck.

It must be a trick, right? Some kind of - lever mechanism?

_In his MOUTH!?_

You never know with nutters these days. It _has_ to be.

I spill soup on myself - shit -

You move like lightning, take the bowl from me, put it on the table, zoom to the kitchen like bloody Quicksilver and return with a cloth -

"Here - let me..."

You dab my chest as I look at you with my mouth open.

That can't - you didn't just -

Fuck.

I close my eyes, shake my head. You _did_ drug me, after all. I'm hallucinating.

I open my eyes, see you looking concerned. I reach out my hand, touch your fangs - they feel real. Do hallucinations extend to touch? I think they do, don't they?

Wait - maybe I'm dreaming. I pinch my arm - ouch. OK. I'm awake. Hallucinations it is then.

"Did you drug me?"

 

 

_Awww... my soldier is freaked out. Makes sense._

_You reach out to touch my fangs and I let you. I don’t know if you’re aware of just how unlikely a scenario this is..._

_There’s something about you touching them. I soften as I feel the light pressure of your fingers. I look at you pinching yourself, and I want to wrap you up in a blanket._

_Oh! Blanket! You must be cold from blood loss..._

_I look around and see a red faux fur throw on an armchair. I go pick it up and try to wrap you up, but you yank it from my hand and throw it over your shoulders haphazardly. I sigh. “No drugs. Just a vampire drinking from his prey and sweetly changing his mind before it was too late...” I smile at you archly. “You’re welcome, by the way...”_

 

 

"OK. Fine. You're a fucking vampire. There's only one problem. Vampires don't exist."

That's not going to convince a nutter though. And - if I got drugged, why do my hallucinations nicely overlap with your delusions?

I look around the room. No other things look odd. No psychedelic paintings dancing. No curtains coming to life. Just a guy with long fangs who moves faster than the Flash.

And who drained me of blood. A _lot_ of blood.

Fucking hell...

You're joking me, right? Hottest guy in town and he's a fucking fantasy creature.

"Why did you change your mind?"

That sounds like a stupid question, but I don't know what else to ask. I should have watched Interview with a Vampire.

 

 

_You don’t believe me, do you. I sigh again. “We had... a connection. I’m not sure how much I can impart to you that that *does not happen*. To me, at least... even when I was alive.”_

_Starting to feel self-conscious under your scrutiny, I wander to the kitchen to get you another water and the shepherd’s pie. I drop it on the table in front of you._

_“Here. You should eat at least a little. You need protein, and this will be grounding for you. I’m sure that’s partly why you think you’ve been drugged - you must feel terribly disoriented and dizzy...”_

_I sit on the table and stare back at you intently. “Didn’t you think we had a connection, Sebastian?” I challenge. “Or do you call every man you bring home *your prince*?”_

_Wait... *do you*?? I narrow my eyes and my jaw hardens. There better not have been any pretenders to my throne..._

 

 

"Well – I - _I don't know!_ " I burst out. "First I meet this really cute shy guy called Richard, who is utterly adorable and takes me home. But when I'm there, it turns out that Richard was - a ruse, to lure me into the lair of some _other_ guy, who was incredibly hot, and whose name I _still_ haven't learnt by the way, and then this other guy fucks me, which is good; but then it turns out that the _other_ guy _also_ was a ruse and it was all a ploy to lure me into the claws of a fucking _vampire_ , who then starts to drink me dry and then _changes his fucking mind_ because we had a fucking _connection!_ "

I'm properly shouting now, but fuck, you've earned it...

"So _which one of you_ had a fucking connection with me?! Or is that going to be mystery guy number four, Satan himself?!"

 

 

_My mouth drops open as you go on a proper rant. And OK, it makes sense that you would have these feelings but you didn’t answer my question about calling other men princes, and - and -_

_“Well, what was I supposed to do!” I snap. “Lure you into my lair by telling you I’m a vampire?! I’m sure you’re *completely* honest with everyone you bring home! You have ‘terrible dark secret’ written all over you!! What didn’t *you* share with Richard?” I demand. “Who really did like you, if that counts for anything! And obviously *I* had the connection with you, if *I’m* the one who let you live!!” I’m shouting by the end, too. “I fucking like you, Sebastian! I couldn’t bring myself to kill you, even though that’s what I do - *all* I do. You want me to prove it? I’ll drain someone right now...” I glower at you, but I can hear the wistful note in my voice, and it’s making me wince. Some creature of the night I am... *what did you do to me*??_

 

 

"Who are _you_ then?! And who is Richard - some alter ego? And NO, I don't want you to go and fucking drain someone right now!!"

 

 

_I rake my hands through my hair. “Why the hell not? At least you’d know I was telling the truth, and I’m not just some mad creature you went home with... not ‘just’ a mad creature anyway,” I mutter. “Yes, Richard is an alter ego. I have a few - keeps things interesting... my name is Jim. Are you sure you don’t want me to kill someone? I don’t mind...”_

 

 

" _No_ , thank you! You do have a way with people, don't you?

I - I think I believe you. OK, it's mental, and vampires don't exist, but - you obviously are something like one, so apparently they do."

I wrap the blanket tighter around me. I'm cold -

 

cold.

 

 _That_ was what was wrong! What I couldn't put my finger on - you were _cold!_ But - when I tried to think about it - I was steered off it.

"Do you have some kind of - hypnotic effect? That prevents people from realizing that you - are - cold?"

 

 

_“I *do* have a way with people,” I say testily. “I was ridiculously charming before I ever became a vampire...” I flash you a sly grin. “Being a vampire enhances that. But when it comes to hunting, I don’t use mind control, or cast thralls or anything like that, because that’s *fucking* boring. It’s so *ordinary*.” I roll my eyes. “Do I have a hypnotic effect? I don’t *use* it, but I suppose people may still feel it. I never thought about why people don’t notice... (and I’m not *cold*, it’s closer to *room temperature*.) I’m too busy charming them with natural charisma...” I give you a boyish smile._

_“I don’t need to be a vampire for people to want me. Wouldn’t you agree?”_

 

 

"Well - yes - you are quite eh - hot. And cold. I mean, room temperature is cold, for a human. I _did_ notice it, but - it was like there was a block in my brain, that didn't allow me to realize that I noticed it - I would feel it, and when I tried to think about what I felt, I got distracted. So - that must be, like, a subconscious effect -"

What the fuck is happening? I'm discussing mind control with a fucking _vampire!?_ Who fucked me and drained me and then brought me back from the dead because - he felt a _connection_!?

Fucking hell...

"Sorry - I guess I shouldn't have a drink, what with someone draining all my blood, but - would you mind getting my fags? I _really_ need one right now..."

I really _need_ a drink, but even I know that's madness. I sip some more water, hand you the empty bottle. "Please fill this, add some salt, and some sugar. And do you have any iron supplements?"

 

 

_I continue to smile at you. You’re cute when you’re flustered..._

_“Of course, darling. I’m here for you, whatever you need. I don’t have any iron supplements, what with not bringing victims back from death, as a rule. Please eat some meat, won’t you? It will help, until I can get you the supplements tomorrow. But I’m happy to get your fags and that disgusting-sounding concoction... my knight.” I wink at you and go to get you your requests._

 

 

I'm glad to have a second to myself, short as it is.

What. the fuck. is happening. I picked up some sweet guy, followed him to his apartment. Sweet guy turned out to be a predator - so far, so good. Predator turned out to be a vampire, which is where my brain short-circuits.

It's insane -

But the things I've seen - the way my body is drained -

OK, so let's assume he _is_ a vampire. Who - was going to kill me, but changed his mind because he felt a _connection_ -

A _connection!?_

What am I supposed to make of that? A vampire was going to fuck me then kill me, but he changed his mind at the last moment because he felt a connection.

I have no frame of reference for this. What does it mean, if a vampire feels a connection with a human?

You're incredibly fast - I'm no longer sure I'd beat you in a fight - but you don't want to kill me... then what? What do you want with your _connection_ , not-Richard - Jim?

You come back into the room, hand me the bottle and my cigarettes. I drain the former, hand it back to you. You're back with a full bottle before I've lit my cigarette, place it on the table. I hold out the package of cigarettes to you - my upbringing was heavy on the etiquette, but it never told me how to behave with an undead creature who's just refrained from taking your life, so I'm free-forming here. But I remember how you looked earlier with your cigarette... and somehow it seems to me that sharing a cigarette will give me a break from this - madness I found myself in.

 

 

_Awww... you don’t trust me and don’t know what to think of me... and fair enough, I did trick you and nearly drain you dry. But you’re still offering me a cigarette?_

_..._

_(That is *so sweet*...)_

_Yes, Richard... very sweet._

_(I want him. Give him to me.)_

_He’s a little angry at us, darling..._

_(WANT HIM.)_

_Jaisus..._

_You flick on a lighter - I hold out my cigarette over the flame, and inhale deeply._

_Looking at you smoking, I think back to our shared moment just a little while ago._

_I feel a pang of... something. Sadness... loss... remorse?_

_Nonsense. But the pangs don’t stop..._

_As though I miss what we shared..._

_As though I feel a chasm between us and I’m afraid it can never be crossed..._

_As though I want to fling myself over that chasm, and find my way to you again..._

_I know I can make the leap._

_I can do the impossible. I can always, always do the impossible._

_Can’t I?_

_I look at you, and the wistfulness from before floods through me again._

_“For what it’s worth... I wish we could go back. To when things were simpler. Richard and Sebastian... they had something special, didn’t they?” I give you a sad smile, and blow smoke at the ceiling._

 

 

“They did... I told you so. And not-Richard too, I think... Jim. That was... fucking special too.

I think I could have fallen in love with either of them... or both.”

Hello? Moran? What are we doing?

We are saving my life, is what we’re doing. I’m in the company of a dangerous killer who spared my life because he felt a connection. If the only thing standing between me and bloody death is a connection, I had better nurse that connection, hadn’t I?

Mmm... OK then. Though I’m not very comfortable opening up to dangerous strangers.

And - do I still feel that fucking ‘connection’?

I look at you, sucking in the smoke, looking so much like Richard of earlier, Richard morphing into Jim, still so sweet but getting bolder...

I should feel - I don’t know. Fear? Definitely. Disgust? Antipathy? Anger?

Sure, I’m a bit pissed off, but mostly - intrigued. Fascinated. Curious. And - fucking hell. Still interested. Very interested.

Hello, Moron. Your sweet Richard and hot not-Richard are a bloodsucking fiend.

Yeah, but he didn’t, did he? He likes me.

He fucking likes you?! What’s that supposed to mean? You might walk out of here alive? Or he’s going to keep you around for a few more fucks before he drains you completely?

Interesting. I’ve never been the weaker party before.

Oh for... you’re _enjoying_ this?!

Well... it’s intriguing.

I... give up. You and your death wish.

“So...” I interrupt my argument with myself, “Now what? I mean - you didn’t kill me. What do you plan to do now? Let me go? Kill me later? Keep me as a pet? I’d like to know. If you do plan on killing me, I’d like to send a text message or two.”

How do you kill vampires? I think it’s silver bullets or stakes, right? Neither of which you’d have lying around in your apartment, I bet. I could try brute force - but I’m not sure on my chances. Probably talking is the better option.

 

 

_I start at your confession. That's awfully... open. More so than I'd expect from someone's who's still angry. That was a quick turnaround for someone who's played his cards so close to his sexy chest._

_Oh..._

_*OH*._

_You're playing it smart... making me want to keep you alive, buying time to figuring out weaknesses, and figuring out your best plan for staying alive and getting away? Clever soldier..._

_And then you ask my plans._

_Good point, actually... what *am* I going to do with you?_

_I take a long drag of my cigarette and smile at you. "I hadn't thought that far, darling," I confess, exhaling smoke. "This was a last-second decision, remember? I don't *want* to kill you... I meant what I said. I like you." I tilt my head, consider._

_"I *could* keep you as a pet, but... god, so boring. I suppose the only answer is to let you go - but not until you're feeling strong enough to leave. Of course, when I let you go, I'll have to change locations - can't have an ex-lover-turned-vampire-hunter showing up at my door. But there are a couple of effects from being bitten by a vampire you should know. One - I can find you again. Two - " I take another drag of my cigarette. "You may just find yourself... wanting me to..." I blow smoke at you, grinning._

 

 

Damn. That's awfully inconvenient.

If it's true... You could tell me anything; it's not like vampire dispatch was ever part of my training. Some special ops we were.

I wonder if there are special special ops who deal with fantasy creatures? Something like real-life Torchwood? No, wait, that was aliens, wasn't it? Anyway... Captain Jack was fucking hot...

Wait. Getting distracted again. Damn.

Yes, I should eat something. That shepherd's pie smells good. And drink more. I hold out the bottle to you again; you raise your eyebrows, but go and fill it.

"I guess - thanks? It's nice of you to let me go. Though you are the bastard who captured me in the first place, so - well. I guess it evens out - except for the fact that I'm awfully weak at the moment - let's say that you owe me."

I tuck into the pie. It's good. I'm starving.

"So - are there many like you? Does anyone know that you exist? Vampires, I mean, not you specifically? What's it like? Do you only drink blood?"

 

 

_"Captured??" I raise an eyebrow. "You make it sound like I laid a trap for you and snapped you up in a net. Or lured you to fall into a leaf-covered pit. You *wanted* to come with me - you *know* you did. Sometimes, strangers are dangerous, Sebastian... I never said I *wasn't*..." I smile at you mischievously. "Fine. Let's say I *owe you*, if that will keep us on friendly terms..."_

_I watch you eat your pie with pleasure. You're getting some colour in your cheeks, and you already look less woozy._

_"Well, I don't think there are any statistics out on vampirekind.. but yes, there are enough. They generally keep a tight lid on our existence... humans wouldn't take too kindly to sharing their world with us. Oh, also us draining them dry. My, you ask a lot of questions... it's only fair you answer as many as I do... what's your big secret, darling? I promise I won't tell..." I stub out my cigarette and curl up on the sofa._

 

 

"I'm not used to strangers being more dangerous than I am," I grin. Not that this seems to disturb me in the slightest. Geez. Pathological absence of fear, wasn't it, army psychologist?

"But yes, you did say. I did wonder how my sweet little Richard could _possibly_ be dangerous - now I know."

I do wonder how you keep the whole draining people dry a secret from people, but then you want to know about me. Huh.

What shall I tell you?

How about the truth?

Don't be silly.

No, seriously. He’s already told you that he’s a vicious killer; it might create rapport. Or something. Who knows, he might be willing to help you out on occasion.

I grin at that. You look at me expectantly.

"I'm ex-army, like I said. In the army, they train you to kill. I turned out to be very good at it, so I didn't see a reason to give up when I rejoined civilian life. There are many people who are willing to pay good money to put someone out of their misery. It's a good enough job, but it doesn't really let you have much of a social life.

There you go. That's it - my big secret."

I lean back in the sofa - I'm still fucking weak - look at you, wondering how you'll respond. You're hardly in a position to _judge_ me, but I still find myself slightly anxious.

 

 

_You seem a bit more relaxed now... is that for real or part of the act? Hmmm..._

_I need to figure this out, in case you -_

_The reference to ‘my sweet little Richard' distracts me from my line of thought._

_And makes me want to jump into your lap._

_Richard... I am never using you to hunt again. You're impossible to get rid of, you pest!_

_(Not to hunt... just let me out to play. He called me his Richard!!)_

_Fuck..._

_Luckily I'm distracted by your confession._

_"You're... an assassin?"_

_I blink, and stare at you._

_Mmmm..._

_"That's... so... unbelievably... hot. And by the way, your sweet little Richard would have liked it too..." I've thrown a flirtatious smile at you before I know it._

 

 

You - find it hot?

Oh you horrible person...

I find myself smiling at you, even more when I see your flirty grin - oh god, we _are_ a match made in heaven. Or - probably hell. All four of us.

"Would he now? I'm almost disappointed... he seemed so sweet and innocent... Does he have a thing for bad boys?"

What the - _are you flirting with the dangerous predator who nearly killed you!?_

 

 

_I shrug and look at the ceiling innocently._

_"Maybe..." I say in a coy voice._

_(Oh no - stop this...)_

_I touch your shoulder, admiring your muscular arm. "Don't be disappointed in me, Sebastian... it's not all bad boys... just one in particular."_

_My hand moves down your arm, and I'm shocked at how intense it feels after not touching you for only a few moments._

_"Is this... all right?" I ask, strangely unsure. "I promise I won't hurt you. But I understand if you don't trust me. It's just - I - like how you feel..."_

_(Richard... what are you doing...?)_

 

 

"I probably should be more freaked out by you nearly killing me, I guess," I admit. "But if you would have wanted to kill me, you would have done. And if you suddenly decide you _do_ want to kill me, I think keeping you at arm's length is not going to do much to prevent it, is it?"

You shrug, shake your head.

"Just - will getting closer to me make you hungry? Are you still hungry, since you didn't eat your fill? How often do you need to eat, anyway?"

 

 

_"I'm fine for tonight; I had my fill... believe it or not, I'm hungrier for conversation than blood. It's a very solitary existence unless you get along with other vampires. And *I don't*. Pretentious twats... I'd rather kill the lot of them than hang out." I roll my eyes. "I'll definitely need to drink from someone tomorrow. Someone else, I mean... Ideally I eat every day. It would take a few days before I started getting desperate... a week would be dangerous, even around someone I liked... but tonight - I'm good."_

_I smile at you. "So..." Slowly I settle against your legs. "You're looking so much better already. Finish your pie, darling. Can I get you anything else?" My hand curls possessively around your waist._

 

 

I like you touching me... I very much like you touching me.

"More water with salt and sugar, thanks," I nod, and finish the bottle. You look at me dubiously, but get me some more, as I finish off the pie.

"So - how do you hide it? If you kill someone every day, and I assume it would be hard to make it look like anything else, if the victim is drained of blood - why aren't the papers full of panic stories about vampire killers?"

 

 

_"Now, now darling - I've only asked one question, so you're a little ahead of the game. My turn." I drum my fingers on my lips. Where to begin..._

_"Why can't you spend more than one night with someone? In case they find out about your work? Or... is there also another reason? And - if Richard had asked you out for tomorrow night... would you have turned him down?" A smile plays on my lips._

 

 

"I'd argue that you are very much the more interesting one out of the pair of us. Humans are everywhere, you can read about them anywhere. Vampires - not quite, unless you count fiction...

As to me - it's a rule I have. I can't very well have a _relationship_ , with my job, so I only ever sleep with any one person one time. Or - one night," I grin at you. You don't grin back. What?

"As to Richard... I couldn't - I just couldn't." I shake my head sadly. "I really really liked him - like him - but - if you go out with someone two nights, they start having expectations. Maybe they want to go out a third time. And if you like them - it's a slippery slope. And it just gets more and more difficult and painful to say no. If you've gone out three times, why not a fourth? And then they want to see your house, and meet your friends, and know where you work. So - a lot of heartache is prevented when you just leave after the one night.

I have to say though..."

Do you? Do you really have to say?! Have to say you were making excuses in your head on why you could maybe see Richard a second time? Or Jim - or both...

"... I really enjoyed your company a lot..." I try. How do I explain...

 

 

_My nonexistent heart is plunging into blackness..._

_*Why* do I feel *crushed* by this??_

_For *fuck's sake*..._

_I know what the problem is..._

_*Richard*..._

_(W-what?)_

_You are not allowed out ever again!!_

_(Jim! No!!)_

_I sit up abruptly. "That does sound like the best approach for your situation. Well luckily, you don't need to worry about it since *Richard doesn't exist*..." I snap, and stand up._

_"Feel free to stay here until you're strong enough to go. But I understand if you prefer to leave. And you don't need to worry about me tracking you down. Richard had a one-night rule too, remember?"_

_I storm across the flat, and slam the bedroom door._

_What. The. Fuck. Jim._

_I take a chair and throw it at the wall, and it practically goes through the plaster before it disintegrates into pieces._

_I am *not* throwing a tantrum!! I've just had *enough* of this._

_I'm going out and I'm going to drain someone dry, like I should have done with this *stupid soldier*._

_I start to get dressed, seething._

 

 

Before I have finished speaking, you're sitting up and looking at me waspishly. And then you speak. And stomp off. And slam the door. And destroy something - a chair, by the sound of things.

Oh my.

 _Someone_ doesn't take rejection very well. Quite _badly_ , considering there was no rejection happening.

I recall your bitter remark from earlier, about 'Mr only one night' or something.

Fuck this. Apparently I do have to say.

I get up – head rush. Damn it. I reach for the arm of the chair to steady myself, but I miss - fall to the floor with a crash.

 

 

_Within an instant of hearing the squeaking of the sofa (which I ignore) and the thud on the floor (can't ignore!), I've sped across the flat and I'm on the floor next to you._

_"Sebastian?? Fuck! That's it, I need to get you to a hospital!" I move like quicksilver and return with your clothing. "Here, let me help you get dressed...and I'll call an ambulance... and I should get you some more soup while we wait..." I ramble, panicking, shoving your jeans at you. "Fuckfuck*fuck*!"_

 

 

"Jim - no, Jim... wait..." You're running around like a lunatic, throwing clothes at me - "Jim - JIM! Wait!"

You look at me, your face full of - concern, anger, impatience -

"Look. Help me onto the sofa, ok?"

You scowl, but effortlessly lift me up. Damn - not only fast, also supernaturally strong.

"I'm ok. I just got a head rush from standing up. I - can't yet, apparently. I'll be fine, just need to gather more strength. I do _not_ need a hospital." I see you look at me. "I don't! I've had enough medical training to know when I'm in danger - I'm not. Honestly. Also - what would I tell them about the cause of my blood loss? And the bite in my neck? Just - don't make me stand up."

I notice you have got dressed - were you going to go out? Leave me here? Throw me out?

"Jim, just - can I tell you something? Please?"

"What?" you ask, suspiciously.

"I... I _did_ want to see Richard again. I just - didn't think I could. I didn't want to - hurt him. But - when we were fucking - you and I, I mean, not Richard - I was thinking about - if we could maybe come to some arrangement. Just - meet up regularly. Not ask questions about - work, and private life.

I... I _never_ think that. I never _want_ to see anyone a second time. Never wan _ted_. Because I really, _really_ wanted to see you again. _Want_ to see you again.

Even if... even if you're a vampire. I mean - what you do isn't worse than what I do. We both kill to live. In a way, what I do is worse - I have a choice not to. I just - don't rate human life all that much. Most of it is wasted on the people who have it.

And - well, you know my secret. And I know yours. I've never told anyone. I assume you haven't either.

I just think -

I think I'd really want to see more of you. What Richard said - can you feel this too - I was too chicken, I copped out - but yes, I felt it. There was something special there. There is. Richard. Jim..."

 

 

_I'm relieved that you're all right, more or less... Furious that I have to help you instead of storming out and never seeing you again. And there are twingey feelings in my heart and in my guts that this is all because of me._

_(I think... that's guilt.)_

_Go to hell, Richard... vampires do not do GUILT._

_These are all *way too many* feelings for me to feel!! Vampires aren't usually big with emotions... so when they *do* feel something, they feel it incredibly deeply. And then it's just a hop, skip and a swoop from losing control... kind of like my hissy fit, which if I stopped to think about it... no. I'm not going to think about it. I *refuse* to think about it._

_But then it's not an option because you're asking to share something with me._

_And I'm listening, and I'm worried I'm going to lose control again and shove you onto the floor and run away and never see you again..._

_Instead, I listen to the whole thing and then glare at you. "Jesus, you're a fucking idiot..."_

_I grab those big, muscular shoulders and pull you into a kiss._

_"*See* more of me?" I mutter against your lips. "Did you just ask the vampire who tried to kill you out on a second date?"_

_My fingers dig into your shoulders, and as your lips begin to move against mine, our kiss deepens._

 

 

Right. There’s me trying to be romantic and baring my soul and your reply is that I am an idiot. Well, fuck you too, Jim.

But then you’re all over me... and kissing... and I feel a bit dizzy...

Oh - that’s what you meant?

Relief floods through me. You’re not going to walk away...

“The vampire who _could have_ killed me, easily, and didn’t. The vampire who is doing his very best to get me to not die - even was willing to expose his secret to get me to a hospital.

I think I’m reasonably safe with this vampire... I’ll take my chances. Because, don’t tell him I said this, but that vampire is _incredibly_ hot...”

You pull me closer against you and your kissing gets heated...

Sebastian.

What now...

He’s dangerous.

Hardly.

He could kill you in an instant.

Yeah... that’s quite unique...

Oh for - _are you turned on by that?!_ You - utter danger junkie!!!

Well. You have to admit it’s kind of hot. And he’s not going to. I mean, I could kill most people in an instant, but I don’t.

You - you just _love_ being outclassed for once, don’t you?! This is like Stiles and his gun again, isn’t it?!

Heh yeah - that was hot...

I give up! You have the survival instinct of a lemming!

Look at him though - if he would have wanted to kill me, he could have done so any time. He’s clearly fond of me - so let’s see where this might lead...

 

 

_The kissing is... mmm. SexyDeliciousDreamy._

_I’ve kissed humans before, but always as part of the hunt... even with you. Although there’s no denying I felt something with you. Now, as I feel your lips pressing against mine... your tongue sliding against mine... I find myself getting hungry, and not for blood._

_When we break apart so you can catch your breath, my hands are still clasping your shoulders, and yours are around my waist._

_Neither of us remove our hands, we just stare at each other._

_I see a lot going on in your head, which is as it should be - god knows you shouldn’t decide to kiss a vampire, or ask a vampire out on a date, without giving *some* thought to your idiocy._

_“Oh the vampire is well aware of how incredibly hot he is... and beautiful and irresistible, which you forgot to mention...” I say, still glaring. “Maybe you’re safe from him... but apparently he gets ornery if a certain stupid soldier hurts his little feelings. So maybe you’re not as safe as I thought! That’s *not* supposed to happen, by the way... *feelings*! Of all the fucking - ridiculous -“ I let out a strangled growl. “I’m *not* happy about it. And I *haven’t* forgiven you.”_

_Oh great - sulk too while you’re at it... what a majestic creature of the night you are. Daft mopey vampire..._

_I look at you longingly for a one moment, and then abandon any pretence of control. I crawl over your body quick as a saucy wink, and curl against you like a cat._

_“This isn’t forgiveness,” I grumble, and lay my head against your chest._

 

 

What the…

"How did I hurt your feelings?!"

 

 

_"*Hurt* was definitely the wrong word," I say in a lofty voice. "I'm not used to feelings, so I don't always know the right terms!"_

_Yes, I know I'm lying, Richard... piss off!_

_"I *meant* to say that I was aggrieved and offended. And *affronted* - that's a good word. As to why, I should think that would be perfectly obvious," I sulk._

_You're looking more and more perplexed as I speak. I roll my eyes mightily._

_"That you wouldn't throw over your stupid rules for me immediately! What about poor Richard! Hinting that he wanted more, and you just left him hanging, you monster!"_

_When I see your indignant expression, I'm so overcome by the absurdity of the situation that I burst out laughing._

_"Oh - god - " I laugh uproariously through my hands. "Yes, I'm aware this is - utter - fucking - madness..."_

 

 

"You - idiot -" I manage, starting to chuckle myself.

" _Richard_ said it would only be for one night first, I'll remind you! And then -" The scene replays in my mind with vivid clarity. "...if it could be - anyone... it would be me..."

I look at you. I'm no longer laughing. Neither are you. Your eyes are large, black, searching.

"... and I said it would be you, too."

I pull you closer on my lap. Our faces are nearly touching; your eyes are dark depths in which I could lose myself entirely, so easily...

"If it could be anyone. And we both knew that it couldn't be anyone. Impossible. But - maybe it could... Not anyone. But _someone_..."

 


	5. Death Whispered a Lullaby

Under the fog there are shadows moving  
Don't be afraid, hold my hand  
Into the dark, there are eyelids closing  
Buried alive in the shifting sands

 

 

_I feel a tremble move through me._

_Vampires don't tremble, I chide myself._

_But hearing our words repeated... out loud, now that all has been revealed..._

_I feel myself begin to shiver._

_Vampires don't shiver, I tell myself weakly._

_You pull me close._

_Your eyes, so blue... I want to immerse myself in them, like throwing myself into the sea..._

_My hands float to your face._

_"Sounds like madness to me... " I murmur. "It would have to be someone who knew our awful secrets... and only felt *awe*. Where could we possibly find such an extraordinary someone, Sebastian?"_

_Vampires - don't -_

_This time when I kiss you, there is no artifice, or defensiveness, or veiled warnings._

_There are just warm, delicious lips, and arms, and hands._

_"Oh," I whisper. "Sebastian..."_

 

 

You are so soft, so sweet, so lovely...

Seb? You're talking about an apex predator. And you're its prey.

No I'm not... I'm a fellow predator. Mesopredator. I'm too hot to eat. He'll eat others and fuck me...

Yeah, until he loses his shit. He's already shown to be prone to fits of rage. How long until he decides you're a better snack than a shag, after all?

I'll just have to make sure to be an _excellent_ shag, then...

"I don't know about extraordinary..." I whisper against your lips, "but I'm certainly in awe... "

Now that my brain is no longer trying to avoid the realization, I can feel that you are cooler than a human. It doesn't feel awkward, or unpleasant - quite the opposite. You feel - perfect - not cold, not hot, but just right. Your tongue moving against mine, your soft lips, your supple back - it all makes me want to moan with exaltation, you are _so exquisite_...

 

 

_I was already a narcissist as a human... being a vampire made me a mesmerizing, supernatural, immortal being. My narcissism is now off the charts..._

_Sometimes I hunger for admiration from my prey as much as their blood. But *yours*... yours is different, and feeds a very different hunger. One that I didn’t know was inside me._

_Hearing ‘I’m certainly in awe...’ in between kisses makes me want to swoon with pleasure._

_Vampires don’t swoon, I know..._

_*And yet*..._

_I feel myself growing limp under your touch, almost sapped of strength. Does desire do this so lovers will feel compelled to lie down? All I want is to lie down with you... but you’re too weak for what will surely follow._

_“I’m enjoying all the awe... a little too much,” I murmur against your ear. “You’re in no condition to take this any further, Sebastian...”_

_Unless - I did all the work? No. Down, vampire..._

_“We should - stop -“ I whisper, my head falling back as I feel your lips on my neck._

 

 

“And whose fault is that?” I murmur against your neck. “I think you have some making up to do...” Softly, I bite your neck. You moan and shiver at that... so I bite a bit harder.

“I’m sure you’re capable of carrying me to the bedroom and showing me a very good time without me exerting myself... aren’t you?”

You are, and it’s fucking hot... all that strength in such an attractive compact package...

I’m laid on the bed carefully, and you’re on top of me, kissing greedily, stroking my chest, my arms...

“We shouldn’t...” you mumble.

“I’m very much in a condition to take this further, though...” I move your hand to my cock and - oh. What?

“I assure you I’m very aroused...” I stutter.

For fuck’s... he _never_ lets me down! What the _fuck_?!

I fall down into the pillows with a muffled curse.

Low fucking blood pressure. Body busy sending blood to the brain and the heart and other useless organs.

“This is your fault, you know... hottest guy I’ve ever met, and he drains me of so much blood that I can’t show him...”

 

 

_I stare down at you, bemused by how frustrated you are. It's perfectly natural under the circumstances..._

_"Sebastian, maybe we should take this as a clear sign that you need to rest to get your strength back..."_

_‘Hottest guy I've ever met’... ‘Hottest guy I've ever met’..._

_Can't show me? How would you show me I'm the *hottest guy you ever met*?_

_"Sebastian, I'm terribly sorry but I just realized there's something I need to do... I'm going to be busy for the next little while."_

_You look shocked and then hurt (awww), until I crawl down to face your currently uncooperative but absolutely beautiful cock._

_"Hello, gorgeous..." I say in a seductive silky tone. "I'm so sorry we weren't introduced properly before... My name's Jim..."_

_I stroke my hand down your cock slowly and sinuously, and give the head a damp kiss, my tongue flicking out like a serpent's. Was that a twitch I saw? Mmmm..._

_"We're going to be on very good terms, honey... By the time I'm through with you, you're going to forget what passed as pleasure in the past..." I purr, and lick the length of you, up and down. Your cock grows firm under my ministrations. God, you're fucking beautiful... and you're *mine*._

_My eyes lash up to where you're staring down at me, lips parted, eyes spellbound._

_"Forget those *insignificant encounters* with disco dollies. I can give you more pleasure than you *ever* knew was possible," I growl. "When I see something I like, I'm a sadistic fucking sybarite, my darling. Trust me - you do *not* want to miss out on a single moment of what I'm going to do to you."_

_Your cock is standing at attention now. I smile at it, and stroke it slowly and rhythmically._

_"That's more like it, darling..." I murmur at it. "And that's the *last* time I want to see such disobedience, are we clear?"_

_I lower my mouth and begin to suck your now gloriously hard cock while you gasp and moan._

_I pause, and my eyes lock with yours. "Are we?" I say, my voice dangerously soft._

 

 

Holy... oh fuck oh mother of god -

\- your _mouth_ -

Briefly I get a mental image of your fangs - but you _wouldn't_...

Oh my god your words are as enchanting as your hands and your - your mouth...

Are you _talking_ my cock into submission?

It appears to work. I probably could not get up now without fainting, but my cock is finally engorged with its rightful share of blood. How could it not, when your mouth, your tongue, your words, your hands weave a spell of titillation...

Oh god -

"Yes, Sir -" I pant. "Absolutely clear..." Despite the fact that you are sucking my cock, there is absolutely no doubt as to who is in charge...

Oh god - my head is pounding; this is probably not wise, but it's so fucking delicious...

 

 

_I'm enjoying getting acquainted with your cock. It's *mmm*, so like you - *big* and friendly and powerful and *gorgeous*..._

_Occasionally, I interrupt my sucking in order to lick up and down, up and down, to make you want more, *more*, to make you pant, to make you whimper..._

_Yes, I'm enjoying your cock *very much*..._

_And all right, I'm a size queen... guilty! I like my men big and strapping, with appendages to match. And god, do I love to dominate them both..._

_Only... so often the big ones (men, not cocks) are either dull as a pile of bricks, or stupidly macho._

_But you, my dear... *you* are intelligent and intense and... *sweet*..._

_Panicking, I look up to see how you're doing... I'm not hurting you, am I?_

_Your eyes are closed, and your breathing is quick and shallow. Good or bad?_

_Fuck - why didn't I keep my paws off you???_

_I crawl over you quickly._

_"Sebastian...?" I ask urgently, leaning over you. "How do you feel??"_

 

 

“Hhhhhwoooowwwwww...” I manage, sounding rather like a disturbed cat.

“Oh god don’t stop... please... that is - amazing...”

I am aware that I feel terribly lightheaded, but fuck, what a way to go...

Nono, I’m not going anywhere. With any luck, I won’t even faint. I’m determined not to. I wouldn’t want to miss a second of this.

You look relieved - aw, sweet worried killer - and - thank you, god - move back down.

You are _too_ good at this - I am not sure how this can be a useful skill for a vampire - bloodsucker - cocksucker - heh - that’s funny...

Nooo, stay with it, Sebastian...

I will - if the room stays in position and stops spinning.

“Jim - I - oh fuck Jim - please -“ is all I can utter, but you understand - increase the pressure _just that tiny bit_ \- and I am pretty sure your neighbours have their pillows over their heads by now because I’m yowling.

Oh god - my beautiful prince - prince of darkness - oh _fuck_ this is the best - you are the _best_ -

Blackness... no no NO Moran; you are _not_ fainting - he’ll panic, feel guilty, rush you to a hospital, or worst of all not risk doing this again.

I tense all my muscles to up my blood pressure as the orgasm of all orgasms pours out of me, into your mouth, and I’m making incoherent sounds, and clenching my fists to stay awake, stay with it soldier, dammit...

Demmings patting my face, then slapping it, yelling at me - don’t you fucking go anywhere, Moran... stay with me... warm sensation in my belly...

“Sebastian!”

I’m here, Demmings... just - eyes are so hard to open...

 

 

_Oh god... hearing your desire, feeling your desire, is *so* beautiful and hot..._

_your name on my lips..._

_your voice as you're howling your ecstasy towards the ceiling..._

_fuuuuck..._

_I've felt you come twice before this, but I was a tiny bit occupied with my own experience at the time._

_This time I could focus solely on your gorgeous pleasure... and worrying about landing you in the hospital or the morgue._

_You're half-conscious by the time your shuddering and yowling have subsided. Why did I listen to you, Sebastian??_

_I move up to your head, pat your cheek, to no avail._

_I slap you, and your eyes flutter a little._

_I shout your name, and your head moves back and forth as mutter under your breath. *Demmings*?_

_"Who the *fuck* is Demmings?" I snarl. "Someone you slept with??"_

 

 

“Sleep with Demmings...?” I giggle. “No, he’s straighter than a ruler... Stiles is for sleeping...

sleeping...”

Sleeping sounds good...

 

 

_“What! The fuck, Sebastian!!” I snap._

_Did you just name-drop a former lover? Are you completely mental??_

_“Sebastian, you wake up right now, so I know you’re OK... before I fucking *murder you*!” I shout, and slap you hard. *Probably* a bit harder than I needed to..._

_But it felt good. *Fuck*, it felt good... And it’s better than strangling you, or tearing out your throat, right?_

 

 

Demmings, stop slapping me, you annoying git...

I open my eyes to tell him off - wait, we’re in a house. We shouldn’t be in a house. Weren’t we in a car? And Demmings doesn’t look like Demmings...

Wait - “Richard...”

 

 

_You open your eyes. I'm just about to snarl at you again, when your face softens and you call me *Richard*..._

_I bite back an angry cursing tirade, and stare at you in shock. What is it about hearing that name from your lips...?_

_I throw my arms around your neck, and kiss you._

_"Sebastian?" I say urgently. "Are you all right??"_

 

 

“Richard... yes... I’m not hit? No...”

My head is swimming in and out between Afghanistan and here, which is... not Afghanistan... the other place... England? Ireland? London is England, right?

“I’m fine, my sweet prince...” I smile.

There’s something important though? About you?

“You are important...”

 

 

_Hit? *I* hit you... *Oh*, a military hit..._

_My hand floats up to your cheek, and I caress you._

_My poor soldier... So disoriented..._

_I should never have..._

_You smile at me, and my thoughts dry up._

_*Sweet prince*..._

_*You are important*_

_“Oh...” I falter, my mind blanking. “Oh.”_

_I run my hand through your hair._

_“Sebastian... You’re important too...” I say, staring at you in a daze._

 

 

"Me? No... I'm just a soldier..." I smile.

Wait, Moran. There is something. Try to think...

You're not drunk. You're not drugged. You're confused - lightheaded - shallow breathing - low blood pressure.

Blood.

Vampire.

That was it.

"You're a vampire," I state, in case you'd forgotten.

You nod, looking at me carefully.

"... and you're Jim. And Richard. And my sweet prince... and prince of darkness. Bloodsucker and cocksucker..." I giggle.

 

 

_Your smile makes you look giddy or drunk. Or both._

_You recall that I’m a vampire without any alarm... and then summarize the events of the last few hours in the cutest, most disconcerting manner._

_“Jesus...” I mutter. What have I done... I manage a grin._

_“Yes, Sebastian... All true. You are the now the only person who has called me a cocksucker to my face and lived to tell about it. Congrats, darling...” I lean down and kiss your forehead. God... this experience has transformed from predator to vampire nursemaid alarmingly quickly._

_“I think you need more fluids.” I say carefully. “More of that wretched-looking water? You're going to have more soup, whether you like it or not. That's an order, soldier..."_

_An image pops into my head - you as a wounded soldier, and me in a sexy white nurse’s outfit and black leather boots, with fangs out. Oh *god*... both of our brains have melted. Feeling hysterical laughter bubbling up within me, I press my lips together and maintain my stern demeanour._

 

 

Yes - drink. Fluids. Salt. Soup.

"Yes Sir," I grin, as you make your way out of the room and are back soon with a bottle of water, go back to the kitchen to look after the soup. I drink it - oh yes, that's better.

Now I need to piss though...

I carefully sit upright, manage to without dizzy spells. Move my legs off the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" you ask, entering the room.

"Loo..." I try to get up. Slowly does it.

You're at my side in a second, have your arm around me, support me.

"I'm fine... just need to not stand up too quickly," I smile, but you're not moved and half-carry me on my way to the bathroom.

"Look... I'll be alright, Jim. Please, may I do this alone?" I ask. You scowl, wait outside the door - yes, that's going to make things easier...

I manage to do what I came for, wash my hands, get back out, where you're on me in a flash again and manhandle me back to the bedroom. God, you have to be the most solicitous vampire ever...

"Do you do this a lot? Half draining people and then deciding to nurse them back to health? You're very good at it..."

 

 

_God, if I were still living, this would be exhausting - all this panic and worry and constant vigilance. Running from hydrating the recovering patient/victim, to heating soup, escorting you to the loo, and waiting in the hall, pacing anxiously._

_If I didn’t know I’d regret it, I’d put a pillow over your face._

_No, I wouldn’t._

_Well, maybe._

_No. The Richard side of me would be inconsolable - which makes no sense. Why hasn’t he dissipated like he’s supposed to? I’ve had stubborn personae before, but this is a whole other level of obstinacy._

_You stumble out of the bathroom, and I leap to your side._

_Your question about draining people and nursing them back to health makes me realize how ridiculous this entire situation has been... I can't even begin to explain why I did it, even to myself._

_“Oh, *thank* you, Sebastian. I’m thinking of opening a hospital for vampire victims, so I appreciate the practice.” I roll my eyes, as I urge you back to bed. “Of *course* I don’t do this a lot,” I grumble. “Not finishing off the job is a giant pain in the arse. I’ll be sure to tell vampirekind - oh! Wait. They don’t care.”_

_I push you into bed, and pull the covers over you. “What else do you need, darling?” I fuss, tucking you in._

 

 

Darling?

God, you're so _sweet_...

"I'm fine... I'm really fine. Just tired. I'll have some soup and maybe - maybe I should sleep..."

I don't want to, but I'm so tired...

"How do you - do you sleep during the day? Can you wake up? How does it work? You don't really sleep in a coffin, do you?"

 

 

_“Soup first,” I chide. “Answers while you eat.” I leave the room and return moments later. You take the spoon firmly away from me, and bemused I sit next to you as you eat._

_“First things first. It’s mostly not like what you see in films. I’ve never slept in a coffin in my unlife. I don’t *have* to sleep every day, any more than I *have* to eat every day. I never slept much when I was alive, either. But of course we’re stronger if we eat and sleep regularly. So *yes*, I can wake up, I’m just - not at my optimal power during the day. I’m nocturnal, but I can go out - I’m just extremely photosensitive and not comfortable in sunlight for more than a few minutes.”_

_It occurs to me as I’m telling you this that I don’t know you very well... can I trust that you won’t use it against me? Not at all. And yet, I seem to be divulging some rather pertinent information, don’t I?_

_“I didn’t mean to tell you all that,” I confess. “*Fuck*. I - shouldn’t have. I’m in a bit of a state, because of... everything. You’re not going to try to slay me, are you?” I demand. “*Are you*?? Daylight or not, I can still fuck you up, darling...” I stare at you in wounded indignation._

 

 

Soup is _good_. It's exactly what I need. I spoon the hot liquid inside as fast as I can.

"Slay you?" I look at you with amusement.

"Look at me - I could kill most people I sleep with. Or even the ones I don't sleep with. I don't, though. Just because I _can_ kill someone doesn't mean I _do_ \- and why would I kill you? I told you, I don't have any trouble with who you are - you may be a vampire, but you're a damn sight more interesting than most people I've met. And the fact that you kill people - well, _I_ would be the last one to judge, would I?" I chuckle.

 

 

_I watch you closely._

_“Vengeance?” I ask in a sullen voice. “I did try to kill you...”_

_I cross my arms, feeling suddenly awkward and self-conscious. “I wouldn’t have tried... if I had known what you’d be like...” I mutter. “Given the erm, circumstances of our acquaintance... I didn’t expect to be forgiven for the whole ‘tricking you and drinking you’ part of the evening... I’d say I wish I could take it back, if you weren’t the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. You can’t imagine how hard it was to stop.” I find myself licking my lips, then smile as contritely as I can. “You probably don’t want to hear that. But at the same time, it *wasn’t* hard to stop... The thought of the world without you in it...” I trail off, eyes widening. What exactly am I saying??_

 

 

I'm gazing at you, eyes wide, mouth open, spoon somewhere between plate and mouth, forgotten.

 _known what you'd be like_...

 _most delicious thing I've ever tasted_... hold on, that sounds a bit... scary... though also oddly flattering...

 _thought of the world without you in it_...

What!?

I look into your eyes - and there is Richard, my sweet prince, looking out at me, pleading for me not to reject him, not to hurt him, after his candid confession - and my heart does a weird thing in my chest; it feels like it's swelling as well as cracking and hot blood runs out of it, filling me up -

I put the soup on the nightstand and pull you to me, hold you so close... so close...

"My sweet prince..." I whisper, my voice unsteady. "I don't know what happened tonight... it's too fucked up to consider... but I do forgive you for tricking me and drinking me, if you don't do it again... at least not to such an extent...

Because - it may sound stupid, but all things considered... it's been one of the best nights I've ever had."

I look at your face, so beautiful, so haunting, haunted...

 

 

_Oh god, we're back to staring into each other's eyes, only now the 'star-crossed' element appears to have shifted. We know each other's secret identities, we've divulged our awful secrets..._

_What stands between us now? One of us is vampire and one of us is not..._

_It can't work, but - it can't *not*._

_After I reveal what I didn't mean to reveal, I'm pulled to you again. My arms slide around your warm body, and I breathe in your scent. It's easier now... being close to you physically without being tempted. I came too close to losing you already..._

_*Sweet prince* again... I could get used to this, I find myself thinking..._

_"I won't do it again..." I whisper fervently, as I press my face to yours. I feel tears pressing against the surface of my eyes, but I don't know how to set them free. "I *won't*... you have my word. You'd really let me - have a little?" I ask in amazement. After nearly draining you... you would -_

_Oh. Tears getting closer._

_"It doesn't sound stupid at all..." I say intently. “But *one* of the best nights, Sebastian? Not good enough... I won't be satisfied until the best night of your life happens because of *me*..."_

_I rest my head against your shoulder. "My knight..." I sigh._

 

 

Oh you sweet possessive thing...

I’m so tired... but I don’t want to fall asleep, and it has nothing to do with fear of being unconscious in a predator’s arms. I just don’t want to not be with you...

Jesus Christ. Are you in _love_ , Moran? First of all, you don’t do that. Ever.

(I know...)

Second, you hardly know him. And he keeps changing - how many people has he been in just these few hours?

(All so delightful though... sweet Richard... hot dominant Jim... caring vampire... temperamental lover...)

 _Third_ , he’s a _vampire_. A different species, which feeds on your species. As you have noticed. He’s already thinking about the next time! Run, don’t walk.

(That bite did feel good though... I wouldn’t mind that again, if it’s just a bit... not enough to drain me of strength, just a pint, like they take at the hospital.)

I refer you back to point one.

(Oh yes.)

I’m so tired... and I should get my strength back up.

“I am your knight, my prince. I am afraid I’m going to fall asleep soon... is that OK? Will you... stay with me?”

What the fuck Moran.

 

 

_Your mind seems to be very busy, but your eyelids are drooping. Poor thing. You've gone through so much today..._

_My heart thrills when you speak. ‘I am your knight, my prince’..._

_God... I'm a vampire and I'm practically *swooning*..._

_Then I hear "Will you... stay with me?" and I have to stop myself from giving you the 'ohhh, who's the cutest kitty?' face._

_"Do you think you could get rid of me, Sebastian? I'm the one who put you in this state; I'm not going anywhere until you're strong again..."_

_Although that does beg the question... what then?? But you need your rest, and now is not the time for such... terrifying thoughts._

_"I'm right here," I assure you. "I'll watch over you, my brave, beautiful knight."_

_You smile and your face just *glows*. I'm in awe. I watch enraptured as your eyelids flutter, and you settle against me, breathing deeply and occasionally murmuring._

_Now I'm in the highly unusual position of watching over my former victim who I'm nursing back to health..._

_My sweet knight who's a hired assassin, and doesn't mind that I'm a vampire._

_My arms slide around you protectively, and I rest my head on yours._

_There's light peeking out from under the blinds... dawn creeps forward. I fall into deep slumber before it reaches its destination._

 

 

I’m walking through the desert at night, and have to be careful of land mines. I had a map of where they are, but I smoked it, so now I have to remember, and it’s hard. But I worked out that if I squint in a certain way, I can see them glow.

I’m on my way back to camp from a reconnaissance mission, but I also can’t remember what I was supposed to find out. I shouldn’t have smoked that stuff...

It’s a full moon and there are no clouds; the sand mounds look like silver dunes. It would be very peaceful if it weren’t for the land mines. I’m tired and want to lie down, but I’m afraid I’ll turn over in my sleep and lie on a mine, so I keep going.

A cloud obscures the moon. That’s odd though - there were no clouds in the sky a moment ago. I look up to see a shape in the sky - what looks like a human flying, in a black cape - what the hell? Definitely the wrong stuff to smoke.

The human comes closer and I see fangs glittering - not a human then, a vampire - there was something about vampires in my mission, if only I could remember...

The vampire comes swooping at me and I cry out to him, try to warn that there are mines, don’t knock me down - but he’s already on me - I try to beat him off, but he grabs me under the arms and carries me with him into the air. He’s going the wrong way - not in the direction of camp - and that way are the Taliban - they’ll shoot us - and I’ve already been shot, I’d forgotten about that, blood is leaking from my abdomen, which must be what attracted the vampire.

I don’t see Taliban, just desert as far as the eye can see.

The creature finally puts me down on top of a turret of what looks like a church/mosque hybrid building and lands next to me. I try to look at his face; but I can’t - a black hood obscures his features.

“I can’t go in, but you must,” he says.

“Will you wait for me?” I ask. I have no idea where I am; I won’t be able to get back on my own.

“I can’t...” you say. “The sun is coming up...”

A flurry of cape, and you’re off. I look around, see a flight of stairs, walk down. There’s a small room at the bottom of the stairs full of books, a globe, a stuffed crocodile hanging from the ceiling, strange concoctions in flasks. No door, which is inconvenient. I start looking around the room for any trapdoors, hidden entrances, but I can’t find any. There is a candle burning though, so someone must have been here - I’ll just sit and wait.

I pick up a book lying on a bench, but it’s in a weird script that I can’t read. There are some diagrams, but they don’t make much sense.

The door opens (where did that come from?!) and you walk in, but it’s not vampire-you, it’s Richard-you. He/you look appalled. “How did you get here?! Quick, hide!” and bundle me into a wardrobe.

The door opens again just as I am inside and something enters. I can’t see it but I feel a sudden terror. I hide as far away in the wardrobe as I can, pray the thing doesn’t open the door.

“Where is he?” a voice like a thousand-year-old coffin being opened.

“W-who?” Richard stammers.

“We saw him fly in... where did he go?”

“I haven’t s-seen anything - honest!”

“You are a bad boy... you are lying to us...”

“No - NO!!!” Richard’s voice sounds absolutely terrified - I’m terrified too, but I can’t - I must help him, he’s small and delicate - but I am so scared - I’m _never_ scared...

I’m petrified, but I _must_...

A high scream - _Richard_ -

“Leave him alone! I’m here!” I shout, jumping out of the wardrobe - but there’s nothing there, just blackness...

I fall and fall -

I wake to see a face asleep close to mine - Richard - you’re safe...

 

 

_Sleep is different as a vampire - feels more like falling into a deep, dark hole and being buried deep in the earth. I didn't mention this to you, when I didn't know if I could trust you not to kill me in my sleep. But apparently some part of me decided to trust you, because I fell asleep when you did._

_I do dream as a vampire... not often, but it happens. This time I dreamed..._

_I was on a beach._

_You were getting a tan, and I was nervously hiding under an umbrella, peeking out at the fireball in the sky._

_I kept telling you I should go, but I didn't want to spoil your fun in the sun, as you listened to music, singing along and sipping margaritas._

_I was blistering... bleeding from my ears... and you suggested we go collect seashells._

_I was trying to drag you out of the sunlight, telling you it would hurt me - you kept asking if I wanted ice cream._

_And I wanted to... I wanted to walk on the sand with you, and collect seashells, splash you with water, push my ice cream cone onto your nose..._

_I wanted to like I *never* wanted to in life... because I wanted to be with you._

_And I can't... I *can't*._

_When I wake up from the dream with a loud gasp, I discover that I've remembered how to cry._

 

 

I stare at you as you sleep. Memories slowly trickle in. It's hard to differentiate between dream and reality... especially when reality is weirder than the dream.

I reach for the water bottle, drink the last of it. It's starting to taste salty again, good.

So. I went home with a sexy shy sweet lad called Richard and fucked him and fell for him pretty bad.

That's already off. I don't fall for people.

Then sweet shy Richard turned out to have a wicked side - and then he fucked _me_ , after tying me to the bed and whipping me - hnghn.

And I fell even harder. Hm.

But then whilst fucking me, Richard's wicked side bit me and sucked the life out of me. Because he's a vampire. Called Jim.

And _then_ vampire Jim decided that he couldn't imagine a world without me - oh god - he actually said that... oh god...

... and tried to nurse me back to health.

And I told him what I do for a living (?!) and he thought it was hot (?!?) and I said I didn't mind he was a vampire (!?!).

Anything else?

I look at the sweet sleeping boyish face on the pillow, looking so young in the little light that comes past the dark curtains, so young when the eyes that make him look a thousand years old are closed.

Oh yes... there is something else...

(No.)

Yes.

(No. Moran, no.)

Yes.

I am utterly, irrevocably in love.

(Fucking hell, Moran...)

 

My thoughts are interrupted when you stir. Your face is looking torn, upset, and my protective side wants to grab you, comfort you, but I don't know how vampires respond when you wake them from a dream - do they even dream? Well, evidently they do -

And then tears are forming - what do I do?

With a gasp you wake up, stare at me - do you recognize me?

 

 

_I jump up into a predatory crouch and my head whips around looking for danger and sunlight._

_No danger - *Sebastian*._

_You're frozen, looking at me with such concern._

_My eyes are stinging, and I blink rapidly, then rub them. My hands come away with faint traces of blood. Oh... right._

_When vampires cry... it's not blood like in films, but blood-streaked tears._

_I haven't done this in a very long time... not since I was first turned._

_Self-consciously I grab a tissue from the nightstand and wipe my eyes. The tissue comes away with pale red stains, and I crumple it so you won't see._

_I look at you and you're still frozen. "Sebastian?" I ask hesitantly. "How do you feel?" I touch your face. "You need fluids... I'll get you more water and soup..."_

 

 

There’s blood in your tears - are you hurt? Why are you crying, what’s wrong?

You touch my face, ask how I am... I’m fine, but you...

“I’m alright - are you ok?” You look so tense... “Did you have a nightmare? There was... blood on your face...”

 

 

_"Nightmare. Yes. It's nothing..." I assure you, sniffling. "Just blood from my tears; it's part of the package..." I smile wryly at you. "You've had quite the crash course on vampirism since we met. I don't want to see this on a 'Vampires are Real' website..." I nudge you, and get up._

_When I return with your water, you're sitting up. Damn. You're so beautiful... but you still look concerned._

_I hand you your water bottle. "You look so much better... chicken noodle or beef with barley?"_

 

 

“Ugh. Soup for breakfast? What am I, a toothless old biddy? Can you do a full English? And coffee... please tell me you have coffee...And orange juice to replenish the folate."

I’m feeling a lot better after my sleep though still lightheaded and weak. But I think I could get up, if I don't rush.

"I can cook it myself, I think, if you show me the kitchen... we didn't quite get round to the tour of the house last night," I smile.

"And don't worry, I won't put anything about vampires online, if you don't sell articles to Buzzfeed titled 'You won't believe the chosen career of Lord Moran's son!'"

There. Now you know a secret of mine. Hopefully that will put you at ease a bit.

 

 

_I blink and tilt my head. Lord Moran's son? How unexpected... how *delightful*..._

_"I* will make you breakfast, and *you* can sit at the table like a good recovering vampire victim. Yes, everything I need is here. I'm only renting this flat for a week, so there's plenty of food to be had, and juice and coffee..."_

_I sit on the bed, staring at you in fascination._

_"So how much does your illustrious father know about you and your career path? I'm familiar with him... Before I was a vampire, I had a rather specific career myself..." I hesitate, and pick a loose thread from the duvet. I know you're not one to judge, but I'm not used to sharing so much about myself, especially with people I've only just met. (But you did share a lot about yourself, so... get over it, Jim!!)_

_"I was a consulting criminal. My clients came to me to... get certain objectives accomplished. Since I was turned, I've generally had people dealing with my organization for me. I'm far less personally involved, but I still check in on business, and oversee as needed..."_

_I stare at you, wondering how you're going to take this news..._

 

 

Oh really?... consulting criminal? Never heard that term used, but it makes sense. I might have done jobs for your organization then..."

You look at me relieved. Really? Were you afraid that I was alright with you being a vampire, but I'd draw the line at criminal? Who do you think hires me?

"My illustrious father knows that he has no son, and will silence anyone who ever brings up the stain on his life. I haven't spoken with him since I was a teenager. He didn't approve of my life choices."

I'm not going into that. That's - no...

 _Pain_...

No. Don't think about that.

Love... love causes pain...

_I said don't think about it._

I look at you, brighter than I feel. "So, breakfast?"

 

 

_I watch you carefully as you process... and speak... and *process*... what is going on in your head? What happened between you and Lord fucking Moran? I won’t press - I understand the need to keep things secret. Although I’m wildly curious... hmmm..._

_“Breakfast, yes...” I say cheerily. “You may have worked for me? So if I hadn’t been turned into a vampire, we might have met on the job... there’s a thought! To be honest, I lost interest in the organization when I lost my life... worldly things didn’t mean the same thing to me anymore.” And I fell off the fucking rails, but we don’t need to get into that now... oh, I understand the need for secrecy all too well, my dear..._

_“But! It gives me money and people to do the things I need, run errands, lease flats, get rid of bodies, the usual..._

_Oh, your father has his own skeletons in his closet, so he shouldn’t cast aspersions... also he’s an arsehole, as I’m sure you’ll well aware. If you ever want to get back at him... my information and my resources are at your disposal.” I flash a wicked smile at you, and stand up. “Let me help you up, darling...”_

 

 

"Dear papa has skeletons in his closet? I assume other ones than the ladies he amused himself with when dear mama was away? Well what do you know... I may actually want to learn about those at some point, thank you."

I've stayed away from dear papa for all those years, because... well. Mostly I didn't want to think about him, about what he did. There was always something else to focus on.

 _Anyway_. Breakfast. And sweet mysterious vampires. Much more interesting than boring old Lord Augustus.

I follow you to the kitchen, where you push me down on a chair and refuse to let me do anything as you pour me an orange juice and offer me a choice of coffees, then look at me aghast as I opt for the instant, but make me a cup regardless.

I drink it as you busy yourself cooking beans, eggs, hash browns, sausages, bacon... it all smells absolutely delicious. I'm famished - probably because of the blood loss.

"So - you can drink but not eat? Or were you pretending to drink yesterday?"

 

 

_“Don’t believe everything you read or see in a film... I can eat, and I can drink,” I say, nudging the plump sausages with a spatula to grill evenly. “I can’t explain why. I’ve tried to find answers, but I have yet to find anyone who could explain it. Maybe I should start a top-secret lab to study vampirism... but first I’d have to turn the scientists, so they’d keep my secret.” I stop focusing on breakfast foods for a moment, and contemplate this. “Hm. interesting...” I notice you staring at me, and I smile. “Something to consider. For now - breakfast is served.” I distribute the elements of your full English breakfast onto a large platter, and put it in front of you with a flourish. “I hope this is sufficiently good. I was never much for food, even when I was human...” The toaster *dings* and I stack four pieces of toast on a plate for you. I sit next to you, and watch you as you taste everything. I pick up a rasher of bacon, consider it, and take a bite. *Crunch*._

_I nod. “Mmm. And now I’m wondering why I stopped eating. I suppose because there was no one to share a meal with...” My tongue darts out and I lick my lips._

 

 

So - does the food nourish you? I mean - you say don't believe everything you read or see in a film, but - sorry, but that's the extent of my vampire knowledge. I've seen Bram Stoker's Dracula and all five of the Twilight films... and that's it. Read a few books - so anything I know is going to come from that. Or, not know, but - have heard about vampires. I never thought that I'd have to actually check it against reality at any one point. On account of vampires not existing. So - sorry if I seem to be overly inquisitive, but yeah - I literally have no frame of reference except fantasy.

Do you mind my questions?"

 

 

_“I don’t mind your questions at all...” I sip your orange juice. Mmm... tastes like sunshine._

_“So... you watched all five Twilight films?” I hide my smile in your coffee cup, but when I sip it, I sputter. “This is *horrible*...” I cough. “Why would you put this in your body?”_

_I take a suggestive bite of sausage, watching you as I do._

_“Tasty,” I say innocently. “Well, there are trace nutrients that my body can use, if it didn’t have blood... but it wouldn’t satisfy me for long. I don’t *need* food, but I *need* blood.”_

_I have another sip of your juice. “When I was first turned, I watched and read everything I could find on vampires. So I read and saw all the Twilights, too. And if *I* were Edward... Jacob would have met with an accident by the second film.” I grin. “I didn’t get much information out of films, obviously... but it would be amusing to watch them again. Twilight marathon?” I ask you cheekily._

 

 

Is a vampire inviting me to watch a Twilight marathon?

A vampire is inviting me to watch a Twilight marathon. Dear god.

And I'm about to accept. Just sit on the sofa together watching crappy films, drinking fluids and eating soup. Like a sweet guy nursing his partner who's got a cold. Except the sweet guy is the one who drank all the blood from the partner. And the partner isn't a partner. Just a guy he picked up in order to kill, and then didn't.

... I thought life was going to get less adventurous after coming back to London.

But I find that I _really_ want to stay and be nursed back to health. Watching crappy films sounds divine, as long as it's with you.

Fuck - I'm going to have to cancel the client I was going to meet tonight. I don't like doing that - I like to have a reputation for being reliable - but I don't think I'll be quite ready to go and walk around yet. I can just about stand up if I do it slowly - that's hardly going to inspire confidence.

"So - are you going to have to go out tonight? Find someone - take them home and eat them?"

 

 

_You look like you’re going to accept my ridiculous invitation. I’m thinking about reaching for your hand and..._

_What?_

_“Tonight?” I repeat. “Oh... erm... I don’t *have* to. I had some yesterday - well, obviously.” Still hungry. “I could leave it for another-“ *Still hungry*._

_“Yeah. I should find someone...” My shoulders sag slightly. It feels like we’re both under an enchantment... if either of us leaves... the spell will be broken._

_But I can’t risk getting too hungry around you..._

_Does that mean... I could lose you?_

_*Lose* him? I demand of myself. He’s not *yours*. You decided to spare him, fine. You want to play out the nursing your boyfriend back to health scenario, fine. But you can’t *keep* him... he’s *human*..._

_But... I think mournfully._

_*No*... I say firmly._

_Jesus... what did Richard do to me??_

_I get up sadly to make tea. Humans do that, don’t they. British humans. Make tea to make everything better? I watch the kettle boil. Not feeling better yet..._

 


	6. Cold Fire

The pattern of moonlight on the bedroom floor is a cold fire  
Don't let me down  
The flame at the heart of a pawnbroker's diamond is a cold fire  
Don't break the spell  
The look in your eyes as you head for the door is a cold fire

 

 

You seem... sad? Why? Because I asked if you had to go out?

Well I'm not exactly dancing at the thought either... You going to some club, chat up some guy... Bring him over here...

"I guess I will have to leave then... so you can bring your dinner home..."

I don't want to leave. I want to stay and watch Twilight with you and fall asleep with you again. Not go home to an empty cold apartment while you bring someone else here... kiss them, fuck them, bite them...

 _Kill them._ I mean, I get you're jealous, Seb, but there will be killing involved. I mean, that is a bit of a downside to the whole thing.

Still. I have to admit I am very not happy. With both the seducing someone else and the having to leave.

I think I look quite unhappy too when you put a cup of tea next to my coffee.

 

 

_What?? Why would I bring my dinner home?? Where are *you* going to be?!_

_My mouth goes into a hard line as I bring over your tea and place the cup on the table with a thump._

_“You’re not going anywhere!” I snap. You look at me in shock. I try to fashion a contrite expression._

_“I mean - you’re still too weak. You can’t go anywhere! I need to get you strong again...” I sit down and stare at you intently. “I wasn’t going to bring someone home! Is that what you thought?” I demand._

 

 

Whoa, what's that? Is that you being possessive again?

OK, that is a _bit_ scary. I mean - you are going to let me go, aren't you? When I'm recovered?

"I don't know!" I say, a bit more forcefully than I meant to. "I don't know how you commonly work! For all I know, you have a guy in your bed every night, have a fuck, then a fag, then a good drink of blood, then get your guys to dispose of the body! And I certainly wouldn't want to be here for that!"

 

 

_My mouth drops open. How *dare* you..._

_“I *do not* have a guy in my bed every night!” I say, fuming. “Sometimes I just drink from them in an alley. If I *do* bring someone back to where I’m staying, they usually don’t get any farther than the living room. Maybe we kiss... but mostly I just pounce on them and it’s done! It’s been *a very long time* since I’ve been with anyone sexually... and everything Richard said to you was *true*, if that’s of any interest to you! And... if *anyone* was likely to have a different person in their bed every night, it would be *you*,” I say in an injured voice. “Isn’t that so, Sebastian...?”_

 

 

...

...

... oh.

... oh yes.

You kind of got me there.

But those people don’t _mean_ anything...

... yeah, like your victims mean anything to you? Apart from dinner?

Well I don’t know! How was I supposed to know?

“... sorry.” I mumble. “I... don’t know how you work, is all.”

 

 

_I glare at you. I didn’t get nearly as angry as I thought I would... the Richard effect is still impacting my reactions. I’m not sure what to do..._

_“I don’t work like *that*... “ I sulk. “And - I don’t want you to go.”_

_I stare at the steaming teacup, not meeting your eyes. “Don’t go...”_

 

 

Oh.. oh don’t look at me like that... oh my sweet prince, I’m sorry, I was jealous...

I get up, move to you, but my damn head - I fall against the table, spilling tea. You are up in a flash, your arms around me, supporting me.

“I’m sorry... still lightheaded...” I mumble as you lower me onto the chair. “I wanted to hug you... looks like I got what I wanted...” I grin.

 

 

_I manage to keep you from hurting yourself, but I can't help but thinking *my fault, my fault!* as I help you sit back down. God... I didn't feel guilt as a human, and I'm feeling it as an undead creature?? How does that make a lick of sense??_

_"You wanted - to hug me?" I repeat, staring at you._

_Hugging - also something I did not do as a human. And vampires sure as fuck don't *hug*..._

_Slowly I lower myself onto your lap. I feel your arms move around me, and I do the same._

_I should - really not be encouraging this kind of behaviour... it won't lead to anything good._

_There is no future for you with him, James Moriarty!_

_"So... you'll stay?" I mumble into your neck, my head resting on your shoulder._

 

 

"I'm hardly in a position to run away," I grin. You don't look amused.

"That was a joke. I don't want to leave... I really like it here. I like being with you. Last night, I was thinking how much I would like to stay, would like to wake up with you, stay another night... while knowing it was impossible. Now... it looks like that is what I will be doing, and I am so happy..." I pull you towards me. You are so light, so small, so sweet...

_So is a black widow! Will you stop seeing him as cute!? He's a fierce killer!_

Well, so am I...

_You're no match for him!_

Yeah... he's so fast, so fierce, so _lethal_...

Yeah, OK. sanity and I never had more than a nodding acquaintance.

So. I'm in love with a vampire. Well, it went alright for Bella...

That's different. You. Cannot. Fall. In. Love. With a vampire, with Richard, with _anyone_. Not happening.

But maybe... maybe vampires are different? They're a different species? Maybe...

Then you kiss me, and all thoughts cease.

 

 

_I feel tension leave my body when you say you won't be leaving. But - what's one night? What about tomorrow?? WHY am I asking these questions??_

_And you seem rather conflicted, yourself... why are *you* conflicted? Why *wouldn't* you want to be with me??_

_My jaw sets with determination._

_What - are you doing?? I demand of myself, and I'm utterly ignored._

_My hands go to your cheeks, my lips seek out yours..._

_We kiss..._

_We kiss and as the kiss deepens, my legs wrap around your waist, pulling you forward sharply from the back of the chair. My arms pull your chest tightly against mine._

_"Yessss... Be happy. Stay..." I murmur against your lips in between kisses._

 

 

What... are you enchanting me or something?

I _feel_ enchanted... but not like my free will is being tampered with...

But then wouldn't any enchanted person feel that way?

I don't know... but I know that right now there is nothing else I want to do than kiss you... and if that is being enchanted, so be it - it's not that much out of character.

But the falling in love... that is _very much_ out of character. However, if I ask you, there's no way you're going to tell the truth if you are enchanting me...

But what would be the _point?_ You can do this charming thing, I think you said - or was that in a book? Anyway, you can do that to lure your prey, so you can drink their blood. If you don't want to drink my blood, why would you be enchanting me? And if you do want to drink my blood, why didn't you? It doesn't seem very likely that vampires charm people because they are lonely and want a lover...

or is it?

Fucking hell... I'm going to have to learn a lot about vampires, and the only source I have is biased...

Also kissing me so sweetly...

Is that me thinking that?

Fuck -

I break off from the kiss. You look at me, questioningly.

"I'm sorry, I need the loo..." I say.

 

 

_Mmmm... I like kissing you._

_I *really* like kissing you._

_I could do this for a very long time... and often.. every day..._

_Jesus fucking *Christ*, Jim..._

_I thought we established that there is *no future* here... you can have *one more night*._

_Then, *done*._

_Inwardly, I seethe at this self-imposed restriction - I'm a creature of the night, and I can do what I want!!_

_Mmm... more of your lips is what I want._

_And more of your... *everything*._

_is it too soon for you to...?_

_Suddenly you stop kissing. Why did you stop kissing?!_

_Oh. You did have all that water and coffee and juice and tea..._

_I get off you, feeling rejected._

_"Down the hall, Sebastian..." I say graciously._

_Who's stopping you, Sebastian... I think ungraciously, and start clearing the table._

 

 

I get up slowly and carefully, manage to without falling, then walk down the hall. You seem a bit miffed at my stopping the kiss and don't accompany me - that's fine, I don't want you hovering outside the door.

I enter the bathroom, lock it, and look in the mirror. I wonder if you have a reflection... that's probably a myth too. People would notice if you hadn't.

I look pale and my eyes are bloodshot. I throw some cold water on my face, hoping that it will help me think clearer.

I've been in worse situations - but never in weirder.

With a sigh, I sit on the toilet, get my phone out of my trousers. I'll need to charge it soon...

I start up the internet, search 'Are vampires real', scroll through the results. History pages about people with diseases. Deluded people who think they need blood to live. Role players and fetishists.

But then. 'My Friend Was Killed by a Vampire'. A recent article. I click. A girl whose friend went with a guy that she had a bad feeling about. Went to check on them. Saw him drinking her friend's blood. Panicked, went to find help. Returned - not a sign of the guy or the friend. Never seen again. No one believes her.

Comments - most of them useless in the nature of internet comments, but there's one of a guy who claims that the same thing happened to his friend. As I click on 'Expand' to read the rest of the comment, the loading wheel turns for a long time, then the connection times out. I try to reload the page, but it won't. I open another screen - google works. I try the back button on my article, but get the 'page cannot be loaded' again, then the google results page. I try to find the article again - can't.

A knock on the door.

"Sebastian? Are you alright? I don't want to disturb you - just make sure you haven't fainted?"

"I'm alright, thanks - I'll be out in a minute," I call back.

I try a few more searches; 'my friend was killed by a vampire', 'I met a real vampire', but nothing.

I flush, wash my hands, walk back to the kitchen.

 

 

_You’re in the bathroom for a long time... are you trying to figure something out? Plotting something? No... you told me your secret identity... you must trust me? Just like I must trust you... god knows I told you way more than I should have. But I wanted that experience. Trust. I’ve never had that. Not since... childhood. My brother. But that was a lifetime ago... and since then I have lived a veritable lifetime, died to it, and risen from the ashes._

_You’re gone long enough that I have time to finish cleaning up and load the dishwasher. I sit at the table, agitated. What are you doing?? Are you lying on the bathroom floor with a concussion? Shit..._

_I check, you answer, I return. I make more tea because I don’t know what else to do. And then I hear the door creak, and your almost silent footsteps._

_“You’re sure you’re alright?” I ask quietly, not looking up. “I made more tea. I don’t actually know how you take it...”_

_I don’t know why this makes me feel so sad. I wish I knew how you took your tea. And I wish I could fill my days with learning the rest._

 

 

"Black like my soul," I reply.

You look sad. Why do you look sad?

I pull you onto my lap again. You look a bit hesitant, but do sit down.

"Where were we?" I ask, wrapping my arms around you.

 

 

_I thought you’d be different when you returned. Distant. Cool. Closed off._

_You make a joke. You look at me questioningly. You sit down._

_I’m pulled into your lap._

_Soldier arms about me. Growing stronger._

_I look up at you, unsure._

_“I thought... maybe you changed your mind...” I say hesitantly._

_You look confused. “No...why?”_

_*Why* does it feel like tears are on their way? Tears can’t be on their way!! I’ve already cried more in my vampire life than I did since I was twelve!!_

_“What... are we *doing*, Sebastian?” I say in a hollow voice. “Are we fucking mental? This can’t go anywhere... you know it can’t!!”_

_With my words hitting the air, it feels like something fragile just smashed between us._

_The tears begin to pour..._

 

 

...

Why didn't you slap me in the face? I would have preferred that...

I look at your face, aghast, to see blood-stained tears rolling out of your eyes.

Oh, Richard... Jim...

Wait, why is your face getting blurry? Why are my eyes hot? Oh fuck, Sebastian - don't _you_ start...

I pull you close, and for a minute, we are just silently letting tears flow - both of us - mourning the loss of something that didn't exist a day ago, but now seems like the focus of our world.

Our world... the little world of you and me in this apartment.

Of course it couldn't last...

But I was hoping to delay that realization a bit further...

 

 

_Oh... now *you’re* crying, too..._

_“I’m - sorry, Sebastian...“ I sob. “I should never have... wait why are *you* crying?? *You’re* the one with the stupid rule! Weren’t you just going to leave tomorrow anyway?” I demand bitterly._

_I look at you weeping, and fresh tears come pouring out of my stinging eyes._

_“I thought you fucking liked me!!” I howl, and bury my face in your hair._

 

 

Richard...!

"Me!? My stupid rule!? My stupid rule is for people who don't know about my bloody job! I explained that! You know about my stupid job - you have a terrible secret of your own, that I know about - it's not _my_ stupid rule... I do like you..." I'm properly sobbing now. "I like you... so fucking much... I don't want to leave... Or if I do, I want to come back..."

I grasp you like I'm afraid you are going to make a run for it. I mustn't - I don't know if you can bruise, but - keep yourself together, Sebastian... try to, at least...

 

 

_“Well, your stupid rule must be about more than your stupid job because it was going to make you leave! And I don’t fucking want you to go!” I shout. “You’re the only one I’ve ever liked... I mean, fucking *ever*! How am I supposed to go on, knowing what I could have had? Why’d you have to be so fucking perfect? Oh god,” I sob into your chest. “This is all *fucking Richard’s fault*... everything was fine until he decided he wanted you to be his - “_

_I shut my mouth, horrified._

 

 

"Who said I was going to leave!? I was going to leave _before_ you fucking sucked me dry and then tried to nurse me back to health! _You_ were going to leave! You had your clothes on and everything!

I don't fucking want _you_ to go!" I shout with my eyes fully streaming now. "I don't know what all this _is_ , what _you_ are, what is happening, but I haven't felt this way in - ever! About you, about Richard - you've fucking enchanted me, or I've fallen in love, I don't know -"

Wait. That was one more statement than intended.

 

 

_“I have *not* enchanted ye, I told you I don’t do that!! What? Ye *what*??” I demand. “Don’t you *dare* say that word unless you mean it. Richard can’t take that kind of heartbreak if you change your mind!!” I grasp your shoulders. “I’m *not* going anywhere... Don’t *you* go anywhere! I’ve wanted ye from the beginning, ye focker!”_

_Oh perfect... Throw in a little more Irish, just to add to my fucking torment!_

 

 

You're shouting at me, but I don't hear what you're saying. The white noise in my head is too much.

 _You can't - you fucking CAN'T_...

 _Traitor_...

I get up, half-dropping you off my lap, my eyes blind with tears.

"I can't - I can't...

I'm sorry, I have to go..."

I stumble, holding on to the table - to the doorway - my coat is in the living room - boots in the bedroom - fuck - such an obstacle course...

 

 

_WHAT??_

_THE FUCK??_

_IS_

_HAPPENING???_

_One moment you're saying you may have fallen in -_

_(!!!)_

_And the next..._

_*the next*..._

_Fine. *Leave*._

_..._

_Through a blur of red tears, I watch you stumble against the table._

_In a flash I've intercepted you._

_"Where do you think you're going?" I demand. "You can barely walk! And - we're in the middle of a conversation!!!"_

_My hands tighten in your shirt._

_Sebastian?_

 

 

"I need to go - please, Richard - Jim... Can you - get my clothes? Call a cab? Please..."

_I don't want to go... Please, keep me here..._

I have to... Just - some fresh air, some time to think...

_Think about what!? You're not going to think about..._

NO!!!

"Just - please..."

 

 

_We're frozen into a tableau, and it will haunt me._

_What have I done? There's no coming back from this..._

_When I was living I didn't feel my heart - not since childhood._

_Strange that I should feel it now..._

_What does it feel like when your heart breaks? Is this the feeling? squeezing... sharp pain..._

_Like you can't breathe (even though I don't even *need* to breathe)..._

_like a big, jagged piece of glass has been shoved through your diaphragm..._

_Heart disintegrating so slowly... it could take days... weeks... months..._

_I feel my former human self shaking his head at me._

_'This is why we *don't feel*... *eejit*...' he says scathingly, and walks away._

_Right. Being a vampire has muddied the waters, and I forgot my number one rule... but you helped me remember, Sebastian._

_I stare at you long and hard._

_"As. You. Wish. Darling."_

_My hands slowly release your shirt, and drop from you._

_I refuse to look at you. I call a cab, collect your clothes and boots, leave them on the sofa. Then I collect my own jacket, pull a hoody over my head and put on sunglasses._

_"The cab will ring you on the intercom when it arrives. If you need help getting downstairs, buzz the cabbie up. Have some iron supplements, keep drinking fluids, and fuck you, Sebastian," I snarl and storm out, slamming the front door behind me._

 

 

You're hurt... of course you're hurt; here we were throwing ourselves at each other, and all of a sudden I crack - but I have to get out - I have to...

_No! Jim/Richard, don't go! Don't... please..._

Too late. You're gone.

_What have you done!? He's gone! He's the best thing you've encountered in years and he's gone! You chased him away! You hurt him!_

I can't - too much - I _can't_... not allowed...

_You're never going to see him again. You are going to die alone and sad._

Well that was what I was planning... what's changed?

 

_Black eyes, tears with blood..._

_If it could be anyone..._

 

My eyes keep streaming as I put on my clothes, make my way downstairs, get into the cab, head to my apartment, stopping by a Boots where the cabbie picks me up some supplements. I explain I got hurt and have trouble walking, and he kindly helps me all the way to my door, giving me a card and telling me to call him if I need anything else picked up or if I need to go see a doctor.

I had thought I'd feel relieved when I'm back in my own environment. I open the window to let some air in, take a few deep breaths, light a fag.

I just feel empty.

 

_Endless depths..._

_falling in love..._

 

That's it. That's the clincher. You don't fall in love.

What if I do, though?

You _swore_.

I was fifteen...

An oath is an oath. Do you want to betray his memory?

_No..._

Such pain. My entire stomach and heart area feel like they're being stabbed with icicles.

I stumble to my bed, grabbing a whisky bottle on the way. I send a text to the prospective client that I have a bad flu and will have to see him some other time. I glug from the bottle and pass out.

 

 

_When I left, the plan was to go to my penthouse on Conduit Street, my permanent residence. I never take anyone there... I just rent places for a week or two under different names, or through various company names._

_The thought of being alone in that flat after you left was too much... it was bad enough feeling fucking heartbroken. I was not about to be *left behind*... you were lucky I didn't kill you then and there, Sebastian. I should have. I would probably be feeling a lot better than *this*._

_What is it about you? Why can't I do it??_

_Instead of calling a car to come get me, I wait in the shadows from across the street to see you come out. After about five minutes, a cab pulls up to the front of the building. The cabbie buzzes you and in a couple of minutes, you appear, looking weak and shaken._

_I suck in my breath. What is about you that makes me *breathe* again?_

_Your cab turns a corner and disappears. I sink against the building and close my eyes. I don't need to follow you in a car. I have your last name, but I don't need to track your address - it would probably be under an alias anyway, but it *doesn't matter*. I can find you anytime, anywhere on god's green earth. I have tasted your blood and you're a part of me now._

_So how do I forget you? Knowing you're *out there*..._

_How do I allow you to live?_

_I call for a car, and it arrives within minutes. Luckily it's an overcast day, but even still, my eyes are stinging from daylight. It's definitely daylight... not tears. I will not shed another tear for you, *Sebastian Moran*..._

_I don't have an address to give the driver, so I direct him with closed eyes... left, right... turn here, no HERE... until I find your building._

_With stinging eyes, and a heart burning with anger, seething with resentment, I climb. It's raining now, and people are scurrying with their umbrellas, not looking up. But I don't care if anyone sees me; what are they going to fucking do? Balcony to balcony, window ledge to window ledge, I climb... until I find your window and peer in._

_It's dark, but I can see just fine. You're drinking from a bottle, and it's not water. That is *not* what I meant by fluids, Sebastian... are you fucking serious?? I spared your life, and this is how you think you're going to recover??_

_I should just put you out of your misery... I can only forget you if you're fucking dead. My hand presses against the windowpane. I go to slide it open, and I pause._

_You put the bottle down and you look haunted... broken._

_I hear myself whimper, then furiously shake myself._

_I'm not going to put you down like a dog. I'll wait. Before too long, you'll be walking through the streets, all leather and swagger. The minute you're on the prowl, I will fucking be there._

_And that's when I'll do it - *finish what I started*._

_And then, and only then, I can forget you._

_The man who made my heart come alive for one day._

_Before he crushed it._

 

 

I wake when it’s dark, feeling disoriented, sick, and thirsty.

My dreams were disjointed and disconcerting, and it takes me a while to separate what happened in them with what happened for real. And it’s only because I have the bite that I can fully accept that what was real is real.

I drag myself out of bed, make a bottle of water with rehydration salts, take an iron tablet with it. Throw a ready-meal in the microwave and eat it without tasting anything.

Then I just sit at my table, watching the darkness. You are probably out hunting.

No. Don’t think of him. Forget him.

How!?

It’s the _rules_. One night. No exceptions. No excuses. No attachments.

 

_Black eyes in which I could see forever..._

_You’re the only one..._

 

You _had_ your only one, and he’s _dead_ \- not undead! Really permanently dead and buried. Because of _you_ , Sebastian.

You swore you would never love again. And you did a great job, up to now.

But - I said I wouldn’t love again because my love kills. He is already dead...

Are you making _excuses!?_ Trying to weasel out of your vows!?

No... no, of course not...

You made your decision. You made your vows. Your life is how it is. And that is right.

 

I stare at the empty plate for I don’t know how long. I don’t want to watch TV. I don’t want to read, or play a game. I don’t want to sit here staring at nothing. But because I can’t think of anything else, it’s what I do.

I recall your comment about the Twilight marathon. I remember how Bella was when Edward had disappeared... is that me? Am I a weak sixteen-year-old now? A bleak shell without his vampire boyfriend? Who he’s only known for one day?

Fuck off, Moran. It’s the blood loss - it makes you weak both mentally and physically. Just get your strength back and you’ll be fine.

 

 

_I rest my forehead against the window for an instant, before pushing off and climbing back down. This is one aspect of vampire life I would normally enjoy, but at this moment it means nothing to me._

_When I get to the ground, I once again call for a car. It's still too light out to be outside, and I'm starting to feel weak. I'm definitely going to need to feed tonight. But for the rest of the day, I'm going to sleep and not think about you._

_When the car arrives, I mutter to the driver before huddling in the back seat and closing my eyes. Luckily, it has tinted windows and I can hide away from the light._

_I wake with a start as I hear the driver's voice, and look around wildly. *Where the fuck* - oh. I didn't mean to fall asleep in the fucking *car*. Jesus... get your shit together, Jim._

_"Why are we *here*?" I snap through the intercom, as I stare at the building we've stopped in front of._

_"This is the destination you requested, Sir," the driver responds._

_What the fuck? I meant to go to the penthouse, not the fucking *flat*... fuck it. I'm exhausted, my eyes fucking hurt, and I don't want to fall asleep in the car again as we go clear across the city. I'm not going to think about - a *certain* cruel soldier, I'm just too tired to give a shit._

_I hunch against the light, and go into the building. When I walk in through the front door, I look around the flat and a flash of pain goes through my insides. Stop looking at things! I shout at myself. Just go to fucking bed and *forget* all this..._

_I ignore my hunger pangs, check the windows are locked, and turn on a laser detection system at the front door. Then I lock the bedroom door, set up another detection system, and fall into bed._

_In the darkness, I feel Richard crumpling into tears._

_You brought this on yourself, I snap at him. And now it's for me to handle..._

_Don't hurt him, Richard whispers._

_*He* hurt *me*, I hiss._

_I pull the duvet over my head, and feel myself tumbling into blackness._

 

 

I can't sit staring at the wall for the rest of the night.

Can't I?

No. I need to do _something_ to distract myself.

I head into the living room, start up Call of Duty. I try to play. It bores me.

I let myself get killed, then flick through the channels. Nothing.

I'm too tired to get up though, so settle on the History Channel.

It bores me too, but at least it doesn't require me to press any buttons.

 

 

_I wake up in a panic. Sebastian - must check on -_

_oh._

_*Pain*._

_Oh, this is just fucking *amazing*... thank you very fucking much, *Richard*._

_Couldn't we-_

_Whatever the fuck you're going to say, *don't say it*. No, we can't! We are getting up. Getting dressed. Finding someone obnoxious to eat, so I can be as vicious as I like. Going back to the penthouse, and not returning here *ever again*._

_Hmm... what do I have a craving for..._

_I smile slowly._

_Flouncing goth bitch._

_*No one* treats Richard like that._

_It's Saturday night. She could very well be returning to the scene of the crime... If not, I'll just invite another pretentious prat out for a smoke - and then keep returning to that club until I see her. It has *nothing* to do with anyone else._

_I head into the bathroom for a shower, humming In the Hall of the Mountain King. A vicious kill is exactly what I need to feel like myself again... I'm so going to enjoy this..._

 

 

I should drink more. I look at my empty water bottle. Go and fill it, Moran.

I'm not thirsty.

You must drink!

Why?

Because you need to get your minerals and fluid levels back up. You've lost a lot of blood.

Why? What's the point?

Oh for... Fine! If you want to waste away in sadness like some emo kid, be my guest!

No but seriously. What am I doing. I'm shooting people for money. I go out and shag people, then never see them again. I don't have friends. I won't ever have friends. I won't ever have love. I can't even have a fucking dog. What is the point of my life? Leave a legacy as the best shot in London in the early noughties?

Sebastian.

What?

...

... I don't know.

 


	7. Love Will Tear Us Apart

When routine bites hard  
And ambitions are low  
And resentment rides high  
But emotions won't grow  
And we're changing our ways  
Taking different roads  
  
Then love, love will tear us apart again  
Love, love will tear us apart again

 

 

_A few hours later, I'm at the club... sipping a rum and coke at the bar, and watching the crowd._

_Was it really only last night that I was here??_

_God... feels like I've lived a lifetime and died since then..._

_Again..._

_And now I'm coming back to life, stronger than before. Vampire Moriarty 2.0._

_No longer subject to any unexpected residual humanity..._

_or fucking *Richard*._

_I just need some new fresh blood..._

_*Jackpot*._

_Flouncy goth bitch has entered the arena. She scans the club with an unbelievably arrogant look on her face._

_Oh, honey... you are not the Queen Bitch you think you are..._

_*I'm* here now... So you bow to *me*._

_Richard... you're up._

_I take my glass to where she's standing, at the opposite end of the bar._

_I lightly tap her shoulder, and she turns around with an expectant fake smile._

_When I smile back at her hesitantly, she looks perplexed and haughty._

_"H-hi," I say shyly. "I'm sorry to disturb. I just wanted to apologize again for yesterday.."_

_"Yesterday?" she asks, confused._

_"Y-yeah, I spilled -"_

_"Oh!" Her eyes widen and then narrow. "*Oh*! You're the halfwit who spilled a drink on me! I was fucking *sticky* the entire night! And you cost me hooking up with the *hottest guy ever*!" She looks furious._

_OK... not just a bad night. Girl is a class-A bitch._

_Purrrfect._

_"R-right, I'm the halfwit..." I say apologetically. "I'm truly sorry. I'd be happy to buy you a drink as an apology..."_

_She looks like she's going to snap at me, then I flash her a seductive smile. She regards me curiously._

_"Well. You do owe me one..." she sniffs, then smiles haughtily. "G and T."_

_I wave the bartender over. "Two G and T's, please," I say, then turn back to her._

_"My name's Richard... You're so very beautiful, I'm sure he must be kicking himself for letting you go..."_

_I grind my teeth together. Ugh. *Why are you bringing him into this?*_

_Two glasses are pushed towards us and I slide money across the bar._

_"I'm sure he is!" she laughs dismissively, and swipes the glass up. She sips, and looks at me with a flirtatious smile._

_"You know, I didn't really notice you last night... but you're *very* cute. My name is Corinne."_

_"Corinne," I repeat, as though tasting it. "Beautiful name for a beautiful girl..."_

_She laughs and tosses her hair._

_Beautiful simpleton. Beautiful arsehole. Beautiful soon-to-be-dinner._

_"I'm glad I came back..." I purr, and she tosses her hair. Again._

_This is going to be *fun*..._

 

 

For want of a better thing to do, I go back to bed.

I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I pick up the book on my nightstand, but it's a horror story collection, and I throw it against the wall.

I drink some more whisky. It doesn't help. Some more. Still no result, and now my cheeks are wet. I don't remember starting to cry.

What the fuck is _wrong_ with me!?

More whisky dulls the edges a bit. I fall into an uneasy sleep.

 

 

_Corinne proceeds to complain, rant, and flirt her way through several drinks. What did you ever see in her, idiot??_

_Maybe she’s being more forthcoming because Richard is so shy and sweet... don’t know. Don’t care._

_All that matters is, after a few drinks, she’s heading out of the club as *my* prey..._

_When Richard invites her somewhere quiet so they can ‘talk’, she looks triumphant. She squeals at a group of girls that passes by, and hugs and kisses them. She whispers, giggles and leaves, tossing her hair._

_Corinne, darling... I swear if you toss that dry, over-processed hair more time, I’m going to tear your head off. And toss it for you._

_I lead Corinne down an alley, where I tell her my motorcycle is parked. Richard had told her his flat was in a very posh area, and she had seemed quite smug about being invited there._

_Corinne makes it as far as the bins, before I cut off her prattle by sinking my fangs into her throat. I don’t even bother with the pretence of kissing her neck first. She doesn’t deserve Richard’s kiss. Not after..._

_*Not* another word..._

_I toss her body behind a recycling bin, and send a quick text to the body disposal team._

_I head back to the flat, bone-weary... oh god, why do I keep ending up here???_

_Tomorrow, I’ll return to the penthouse..._

_Tomorrow._

 

 

When I wake, it's mid-morning. I need a lot of sleep to recover, so that's good, I guess.

I manage to get out of bed without too much dizziness, make a coffee, pour an orange juice, stare at food. I have to make food; I have to regain my strength, but - it just reminds me of you cooking me breakfast.

Oh for fuck's sake Moran - are you going to let your pining over your undead lover keep you from eating?

No. I'm just - not that hungry. Also, he wasn't my lover. Just for one night.

I fry some eggs, throw them on toast, add lots of salt, chew the food listlessly. I stare out the window, but the rain and grey sky are a bit too metaphorical for my liking. I drink some more dehydration salts, take another iron tablet.

I have no idea how to fill my day.

 

 

_I pace in the flat... Goth bitch was supposed to make me feel renewed. I just feel restless..._

_I eye my laptop... I haven't been that directly involved in business since I turned. But maybe it would give me something to focus on. I spend the rest of the night poring through data, sending terse messages._

_I used to find this interesting...?_

_By the time morning comes, my fatigue feels like a blessing. I used to find sleep so boring... Now I'd give anything to not be conscious... I once again crawl under the blankets, and fall into heavy dreamless sleep._

 

 

I can't do much - am still weak, though better than yesterday. I try not to think of you. Seem to be failing.

What the fuck Moran. You don't let others affect you like this.

Should I contact him?

No. You don't even know how.

I could go to the apartment... he said he had it for a week... he might still be there...

You _can't_. You know you can't.

I know...

I look through the medicine cabinet, find some sleeping pills. I need to recover, right. Best to get back to sleep then.

Also, when I sleep I don't feel...

I swallow one with a sip of whisky. Blessed blackness takes me quickly.

 

I wake up with a bit of a headache, but not too bad. It's getting dark again - well, rest is good for anaemia.

I sling my legs over the edge of the bed, sit up. Sigh. What do I do? Eat food again, I guess. Drink more fluids. Text the prospective client to see if he still wants to meet up.

Oh fuck yeah, text - I haven't looked at my phone at all.

I fish it out of my pocket - dead. I fumble for the charger cable and plug it in, wait for it to come back to life.

This is ridiculous. He doesn't have your phone number.

I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about the client.

Right...

One text message. I open it - my mouth drops open.

That's not the client - it's Demmings.

Fucking hell. Haven't spoken with him in - three years? Since I was - since I left the army.

I click the text.

_hey moran. hope youre ok and you still have this no. im in london for a few weeks. fancy meeting up for a pint? demmings_

Demmings.

We were so close - never in _that_ way, but he - he _got_ me; he was older than I am, but never took me to task over my recklessness or stupidity - at least never in a nasty way. He understood.

Oh fucking hell I'm crying again - Moran, you fucking moron...

Suddenly I want nothing more than to hear a sympathetic voice. To have a chat with the closest thing I've ever had to a friend. Talk about old days, Afghanistan, Stiles and Hoyle - god, I need a distraction -

I text him back.

_Great to hear from you! I'm in London but bit worse for wear, so pub not a great idea. Fancy coming over to mine? BYOB. 12 Hindrey Street, Hackney. Moran_

As I'm having a piss I hear the text alert. It makes my heart lift in a pleasant way.

_so glad to hear from you. sister driving me crazy. sick friend perfect excuse. see you around eight? need me to pick anything up?_

Suddenly I want food again. See, it was just the blood loss...

_Fish and chips? And some Guinness for me. You're a hero._

Guinness is good after you've lost blood, right?

 

 

_I wake up panicking..._

_How is he?? Why didn't I check in on him?? Did he replenish his fluids after he drank whisky, the fuckwit?_

_*Pain.*_

_Oh._

_Not my problem. Won't be a problem for *you* for much longer, either..._

_Can't we just - Richard starts._

_*No.*_

_But I *miss* -_

_*SHUT. UP.*_

_I look at the clock. Jesus, it's after 7... I never sleep this much._

_I pad to the bathroom, take another shower. I wash blood flecks, compliments of Corinne, from my skin, stare at the pink water circling the drain. When have I ever gone to sleep with remnants of prey on me??_

_So where shall I go tonight? Not the same club... too dangerous. It was reckless of me to show up two nights in a row. Although... technically, there was no body two nights ago..._

_the body is still to come._

_I'll go somewhere else for dinner tonight..._

_And on the way, should I check in on my former lover?_

_*Lover*...?? HAH. As if he was ever anything other than prey!_

_I feel a wave of sadness swamp me, and I cover it up with cold fury._

_I get dressed, and head out to a popular club. I size up the crowd - most appear to be pissed to the gills. I'll have some takeaway within 15 minutes..._

 

 

Demmings hasn't changed a bit. OK he has a few more wrinkles, but his smile, his voice, are exactly the same, and are such a balm on my soul...

We hug as he shows up, his arms full of bags. He says I look like shit. He's probably right.

I show him to the kitchen, put the beers in the fridge, lay out plates for our fish and chips. I find that the smell actually makes me hungry, and I eat every bite. Sticking with water for now, while Demmings drinks his beer - I explain I lost quite a bit of blood and am recovering. Have a plaster on the bite. He doesn't ask.

After dinner we head to the living room, where I pour a whisky to go with Tom's lager, and a Guinness for myself. Ah... that tastes good.

We talk about the army, the old days - he can't tell me what he's up to now, nor can I tell him what I do, but it doesn't matter - there is plenty of fuel for reminiscence. At one point he's got me crying with laughter recalling an anecdote that I'd forgotten about involving Stiles, commander Davis, and a camel. The way he tells it is just epic. He's always been the storyteller of the group.

After a few beers (I'm pacing myself, honestly), we get to more emotional territory. Tom's fiancé has left him - that explains why he was staying with his sister. It's always a risk for SAS personnel, as you're away for months on end and can't tell the home front where you are or even keep in touch - but Tom and Diane always seemed rock solid despite that. It had come as a tremendous shock to him - he'd had no idea that anything was amiss until he got a letter telling him that she'd moved in with a teacher she'd met at tennis. He's still heartbroken, but throws himself into his work - his few weeks off are killing him though.

"And you?" he asks. "Still shagging everything with a pulse?"

 

I should have expected the question.

 

But you don't have a pulse.

 

I do have a good poker face, honestly, I do, but I've had a few beers and I'm anaemic, and he's my friend, and I am - fuck it, I've not been myself...

"Seb?"

That familiar, trusted voice...

"What's happened?"

 

 

_I walk away with a man. Not a gay man who went out with straight friends. Not a bi man who fancies some cock tonight. A seemingly straight dude - who strikes up a drunk, somewhat mocking conversation at the bar, and then propositions me before I even decide what approach to take with him. He informs me he's straight as a ruler, but he's been blown before. And he's up for it tonight, he informs me in the most magnanimous way possible._

_Lucky me! Only guess who will not be receiving an epic blow job tonight?_

_Not the man who's eager to follow me into a back alley..._

_Not the man who's bitten without haste, and unceremoniously thrown behind bins._

_And not me either... not tonight, maybe never._

 

 

"I kind of... met someone..." I mumble.

"Not a good someone?" Tom asks, sympathetically.

"Such a good someone..." I say, and tears start to flow.

Oh fucking _typical_. What have you done to me?! It's not like Tom has never seen me cry... but not over a _guy_. And he didn't cry when he was talking about Diane... come on Moran, pull yourself together, for fuck's sake!

I manage to stem the flow of tears, take another big gulp of beer.

"I really like him... but I can't, Tom..."

"Why not?" he asks.

 

Such a simple question.

 

And I start talking.

 

And I don't stop.

 

I tell him everything. Everything I've never told anyone.

How I fell in love at fourteen with my best friend David.

How we started dating.

How incredibly happy and in love I was, impossible to hide, not that I wanted to.

How my father got furious at his faggot son.

How my boyfriend was threatened to stay away from me, and tried to.

How I pursued him and convinced him to stay together. I was desperate, I needed him, and I used all the charm, wile, and force of will I had to get him back.

How he gave in, because he loved me too.

How vigilant I was, for weeks, making sure that he was safe.

How happy we were when nothing else happened and we felt safe walking through town hand in hand. I never was prouder.

How one day his body was found beaten up and drowned. He was fifteen. So was I.

How the guys who did it were arrested, did a few years. Never were linked to my father.

How it was my fault. I persuaded him. He wanted to keep away from me, but I didn't let him.

How I was infernal. Desperate. Suicidal. Eventually hospitalized.

How I swore an oath then, that I'd never love again. Because my love kills.

How I never was tempted to break that oath. And am not tempted now. Honestly. I'm just not feeling myself, Tom... It must be the blood loss...

 

 

_I send another text to the body retrieval team as I walk away, sighing._

_When did killing people get so *dull*?? It was supposed to perk me up... even the taste of blood is -_

_OK, no - it's *always* good._

_But it's not like..._

_*yours*._

_I think back to the taste of your blood... first those tiny red beads from the scratches I left on you. Then... directly from your neck. The crimson waves of you... the overlapping notes of violence... fury... desire... laughter... love._

_It was love I tasted... and I chose to ignore it._

_I couldn't go there... And I still can't!_

_But I also can't *let it go*..._

_I see a discarded beer bottle on the street, and I throw it against a car._

_The smash of glass is satisfying._

_*Violence*, I think. *Fury*._

_I head to a rougher area._

_Darkness swallows me._

 

 

"Seb..."

I look up. Demmings. Tom.

Why am I on the floor? Why am I crying? Oh _fuck_...

 _Pain_...

"Sebastian. Here. Drink this."

A bottle. Water. I drink from it, quickly, cough, drink more.

Take my Guinness, drink that too.

Take a fag, light it with trembling hands.

"I never... I never told that story... to anyone. I'm sorry, Jim... Tom. Sorry, Tom."

"Is his name Jim?"

"It... doesn't matter. I'm so sorry I'm here being all weepy on you, when really you should be the one crying -"

"Oh, I've done my share of crying. Don't you worry. I cried and screamed and beat the hell out of the punch bags in the gym. You cry all you want to."

Somehow, that comment calms me down. I drink some more water, smoke my cigarette, have another sip of my beer. Get back up on the sofa. Blow my nose on a piece of kitchen roll that Tom's fetched. Take a deep breath.

"So. Yeah. Sorry. That was a bit - more than I planned to share. But, there you go. So - yeah. There is a Jim, and he's affecting me worse than I thought. But I'll get over it. We'll both get over it." I raise my beer at him.

 

 

_I lean against a building, down the street from a pub. All I'm doing is smoking, but it doesn't take too long to attract attention. I am me, after all... I can hide in plain sight or shine like I'm under a spotlight._

_"You in the right neck of the woods, mate?" a voice calls out to me. Another voice cackles._

_"Dja get lost on the way to Vauxhall?" yet another voice shouts._

_"Maybe he's on the way home *from* Vauxhall..." the first voice calls back._

_"Oh verrreh nice... ya get lucky? Take it up the bum in an alley?" the second voice jeers to much laughter and obscene noises._

_"Could be *he's* the one who gave it to a special someone! Equal opportunities and all..." the third voice is much closer._

_I continue to smoke as if I don't hear them._

_"Naaah. You can tell... There's them that bang, and them that get banged. And this here, gents, is the latter..."_

_A face pops into view. A man in his thirties with unkempt hair and a mean little smile._

_"Am I right, sweetheart? Are you the one that gets banged?" he coos._

 

 

“Seb…”

I don’t like that tone. That’s his ‘I’m going to be very honest with you and you’re not going to like it’ tone. I look away.

“Sebastian, you were _fifteen_.”

See? There we go. He’s being honest, and I don’t like it.

“I was in love when I was fifteen. And she was my world. I would have happily died for her. I promised her the stars and the moon. We were going to get married, have children, live happily ever after.

And you know what happened? We didn’t. We turned sixteen, she got different interests than I did, we drifted apart. She dumped me, but I wasn’t too sad about it.

What I’m saying is – first loves are overwhelming, Romeo and Juliet style, but unlike in Romeo and Juliet, they are usually allowed to run their natural course, and dwindle. Yours didn’t have that – so it always remained massive. But – you can’t forsake your entire life because of what happened to you as a child.”

My insides are a massive ball of raging lava.

How dare you, Tom, how dare you compare David and me to you and some girl. Our love would never have dwindled. Or - maybe it would! But we’ll never find out, will we? Because David is _dead_ and it’s my _fault!_

He doesn’t stop talking. Why doesn’t he stop talking?

“First of all – you didn’t even make a mistake. You fought for what you thought was right. Isn’t that the whole point? If our lives have any meaning at all, isn’t it to fight for what’s right? To leave a better world behind us?”

I should have known though. I should have known my father was a vicious bastard who would never let this lie. He was livid – his only son and heir, a poofter. I should have realized he was plotting something.

“Second – you can’t make a vow for the rest of your life when you’re fifteen. You’re a minor.”

What does legal age have to do with things… I’ve lived with this up to now, I’m not going to let it slide for a pair of pretty brown eyes.

“Third – if David really loved you, would he have wanted you to be miserable for the rest of your life?”

If David really loved me?! Of course he loved me! I was his world, and he was mine! He would have…

Would have…

 

‘Bass.’

His name for me. No one else ever called me that. Which is a good thing – if anyone would have, I would have gone berserk.

‘Be kind to yourself, Bass.’

He’d always say that. He was always on about how I was too hard on myself. He was so sweet… so good… so kind…

… he wanted me to be happy.

_And that’s what killed him._

Yes. It is what killed him. And it’s my fault…

‘Bass. Stop it.’

“David…?”

What the fuck - first I meet an undead vampire, now I’m hearing dead people? Have I permanently moved into the Twilight Zone?

‘Bass. You’re sullying my memory.’

I know!!! I know, and I’m trying not to! I’ll forget him, don’t worry…

‘No! That’s the _opposite_ of what I meant! You are making yourself unhappy in my name?! What the fuck Bass?! Didn’t I always try to make you happy?’

… yes. You did.

You were always trying to make me ‘real happy’ as you called it, as opposed to ‘fake happy’; my smiles and party spirits that you effortlessly saw through if I didn’t feel them...

‘So how dare you say that it’s because of _me_ that you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your life?!’

But you’re _dead_ … you didn’t _get_ a rest of your life. Because of _me_ …

‘Bass, you’re thirty-two. You have spent more time mourning me than I’d ever been alive. If you would have killed me yourself your sentence would be over by now.’

What’s the expiry date on sins?

“I vowed, though…”

‘You were confused and upset and so terribly guilty… You made a vow to me, and I wanted to release you from that vow immediately, but you wouldn’t listen! And now I’ve had to spend seventeen years looking at the boy I loved be unhappy…

Listen – if the roles had been reversed, and I’d got you killed by some stupidity – would you have wanted me to spend the rest of my life unhappy?’

No!!! No of course not…

Oh.

‘So when will you start living again, Sebastian? Or if you don’t, just kill yourself and be done with it. But stop this miserable meandering.’

… See, this is how I know you’re not really David. You’re the manifestation of him in my mind, created of my memories and impressions of him.

‘Whatever. All that’s left of me are memories, so it’s the realest thing you’re going to find to talk to. And I’ve been waiting to say this to you for a very long time. So please, are you going to _listen!?_ ’

Oh god David…

I will always love you…

‘I know Bass. And you couldn’t show it better than by making the man I love happy.

Go to your Jim. And tell him that I said that if he hurts a hair on your pretty head, I’ll haunt him for the rest of his unlife. And please, please… try to be happy.

For me.’

 

 

_"Am I the one who gets banged?" I repeat slowly, then burst out laughing. "Sorry, I shouldn't - Look, it was a valiant effort, but it would never work..." I say, sounding amused._

_"What??"_

_"I mean, you're never going to score with a pickup line like that. I'd go with something *slightly* less aggressive, or you'll scare off some nice blokes. Maybe try 'D'you want to go look at the stars, mate?’ while throwing him a significant look. Now - show me your significant look." I smile at him encouragingly._

_His mouth twists and he looks at me, outraged._

_I stare back, perplexed. "Really?? That was *terrible*... Try again."_

_His friends start to laugh, and his face grows hard._

_"Fucking - faggot - cocksucker!" he sputters._

_"Noooo! Now you're getting *worse*!" I say scathingly. "You are truly awful at this..."_

_He lets out a roar, and goes to punch me with a meaty fist. I stop it with my hand, and smile at him fiercely._

_It doesn't take long..._

_There are only three, so I make quick work of them. One has a lucky moment and smashes a bottle against my head before punching me in the eye. We don't heal quite as quickly as in films and we do feel pain... it just doesn't stop us. He doesn't expect me to take the broken bottle from him and shove it into his throat._

_I watch disgruntled as all that lovely blood starts spilling out onto the pavement._

_"Now, that's just *wasteful*!" I snap and fly towards his neck. I latch on and drink just for a moment, before turning and grabbing the two gibbering men who were trying to run away._

_"Well I can hardly let you go after seeing *that*," I say cheerfully and drag them into an alley. Then I return to drag the now-dead man to throw on top of his cronies._

_Moments later, I'm sending yet another text. Quite the body count tonight! *Now* I'm starting to feel charged up..._

_I don't bother calling a car. I'm dropping by on a certain soldier to spy... and see if my killing mood continues._

_I shove my hands in my pockets, and stalk towards his flat._

 

 

I’m a weeping mess on the floor.

Tom solicitously provides fresh water and kitchen roll until I’ve calmed down a bit.

“I am so sorry for this mess, Tom… But you are right. I – I needed to talk to someone, to hear it, to realize it – but you are right.

David – David loved me so much – the worst thing I could have done was make myself miserable in his name…”

I take a deep gulp from my beer.

 

“So…” Tom asks, “Jim?”

 

Jim.

It’s fucking Sunday.

You had the apartment for a week.

Does that mean that this is the last night?

The apartment is the only lead I have on you –

I know nothing else –

I won’t ever be able to find you –

I suddenly start to panic.

What was I thinking?

 

“David – I’ll always love you – but I must…” I whisper as I get up.

Tom helps me up, sets me on the arm of the sofa.

“Where does he live?” he asks?

I give the address. He calls a cab.

 

‘Well done, Bass..’

 

 

_The walk makes me feel agitated. Last night I was angry, but still concerned about your health._

_Tonight... I can't help but think of our last few moments together... your final words..._

_On the heels of telling me you may have fallen in *love*: "I can't - I can't..._

_I'm sorry, I have to go..."_

_I wince at the pain that cuts through me._

_After I cling to you and stare at you pleadingly: "I need to go - please, Richard - Jim... Can you - get my clothes? Call a cab? Please..."_

_I growl softly, and my pace increases._

_"Just - please..."_

_"Just - please..."_

_"Just - please..."_

_I let out a strangled sob, and I hear sniggering in the darkness._

_I turn and hiss at the sneering teenager walking past me and he stumbles before cursing and tearing off down the street._

_I turn to watch, my fangs elongating... Running in terror just makes me want to kill you, precious..._

_*God*, I want to suddenly appear in front of him with a smile... that never gets old._

_I consider for a moment, then let him go. I've had more than enough blood tonight, and I have to keep an eye on my murderous tendencies... mustn't alarm the authorities *too* much... they tend to fuss more when the smaller humans get killed._

_I turn a corner, and your building comes into view. A shock moves through me, and I falter._

_What will I find? What will I do?_

_Only one way to find out... I stare at the building for a moment, and storm towards it._

 

 

The cab takes for-fucking-ever. Blessed Tom ordered his own cab, and made me promise to call him with the result. I think he wants to make sure I have someone to talk to if it goes pear-shaped - bless him; he's a great friend. The calmest and sagest of our squadron, he was the big brother figure for all of us, I think... someone who could drink you under the table and kick your arse, but who'd go out of his way to help you out and would take you aside for a quiet man-to-man when you needed to hear something, whether you wanted to hear it or not.

 

Finally we're in Camden.

We pass the NDRGRND - my throat constricts.

The building.

I don't know which apartment is yours. I can't check if there's a light on. Do you even need light?

What if you're out hunting?

I'll wait until you come back... and hope you don't have a victim with you...

What if you've moved out altogether?

You said you could find me... but why would you? You were so pissed off when I left... rightfully so... you'd opened yourself up to me completely, and I just cast you aside...

Why do I always destroy anything good in my life?

I wait until no one is around, wedge a card into the lock, give it a strong yank. It opens.

The lift.

Ana + Raoul 4eva.

The thirteenth floor.

Dirty carpet. Dull throbs of bass. Smell of weed.

It's all exactly the same. Is that a good omen, or a bad?

The door.

I ring the bell.

 

 

_I scale the building... I go much quicker this time. It's nighttime, I'm charged up with fresh blood and recent murders, and I'm fuelled by anger - *not* heartbreak._

_But when I get to your window, I'm surprised to see it's dark. Are you sleeping already? It could be you're still tired from *drinking* while recovering from *blood loss*. I stare at the locked window for a long moment, consider breaking the glass. But I don't need to do that, as satisfying as it would be. I simply close my eyes, and breathe in. I call to your blood, hone in on your blood. And it's as though a glowing crimson thread appears leading from my heart to you. And it is *not* leading inside._

_I stare at the window for a moment longer._

_You're not sleeping... you're *outside*..._

_Could be you're getting something to eat... but it's a *bit* late for that._

_Are you... *on the prowl*??_

_My mouth hardens._

_I descend and reach the ground._

_I reconnect with the crimson thread..._

_and I begin to run._

 

 

I wait.

All my senses are focussed on the world behind this door. Do I hear movement? Would whoever is playing that godawful music fucking _turn it down?!_ I can't hear anything...

I move my eye to the peephole. I see no light, no movement, nothing.

I put my ear against the door. The throb of that cursed house music. Nothing else.

Jim - please...

I ring the bell again. I can hear it. I heard it the first time. It works.

Nothing.

I lean my forehead against the door.

Now what, Jim? Where are you? Out to feed? Or - have you left entirely? When you said a week, when did that week start? What do I do?

I know the answer to that already.

I sit down, my back to the door.

I wait.

 

 

_Where. The Fuck. Did. You. Go._

_My eyes narrow... I’m moving away from clubs. Heading to a residential area._

_Are you already in someone’s flat?!_

_Well, then... darling. The person you’re fucking can join you in death._

_*How sweet*._

_The thought flashes through my mind of what it will be like to find you with someone else... in the throes of passion... or even after... do you say the same things to your other partners that you said to Richard?_

_If it could be anyone (Blank)... it would be you._

_The pain that rises inside is white-hot and sears through me._

_No, you fucker... you don’t get to say that to me and *leave*._

_You don’t get to make me *feel* that unspeakable thing that I’ll *never feel again*..._

_Fury fills me like a red cloud, and I lope like a wolf after the shimmering ruby thread that binds you to me. I told you..._

_I *warned* you..._

_If I was less furious, maybe I would stop to think about why it was leading me to my building._

_Instead I just think, ‘Sebastian, darling... this is going to *hurt*’._

_I shove through the front door, and I don’t even stop to find my fob. I tear the inner door from the hinges, throw it aside and stalk up the stairs._

_*Sebastian*, I think. *Sebastian*..._

_I burst into the hallway, and see a figure at the door._

_Sitting on the floor._

_You._

_Pale._

_Red, puffy eyes._

_Sorrowful._

_No mercy, Jim..._

_No mercy._

_Inside me, I hear Richard shouting at me, stop, for fuck’s sake, *STOP!!*_

_Slowly I move down the hall towards you._

 

 

I can wait.

That's one thing you learn as a soldier - you get _really fucking good_ at waiting. Not scrolling on your phone waiting. Not chatting with your buddy waiting. Sitting stock still for hours in an uncomfortable position in the dark whilst remaining fully ready to spring into action any moment waiting. Sitting on a dirty carpet against a grubby door is easy.

Except it isn't. I can't get into the quiet mindset. Every movement I think I hear I glance hopefully down the corridor, but nothing. Once or twice I think I hear movement in the flat, but I'm imagining it. A guy leaves one of the other apartments, but he doesn't look at me as he staggers down to the lift.

I sit. And wait.

I will wait until dawn.

And then?

Well, and then...

I'll think about that when I get to dawn.

 

Finally, the door to the stairwell opens.

 _Jim_.

You're coming towards me, slowly, like you're not sure what to make of this. I don't blame you - I was a jerk.

Your eyes are black. Odd, part of me thinks - you'd expect such light-sensitive eyes to have small pupils under this strip lighting -

and then my survival instinct kicks in the doors in my brain.

I'm a killer.

I recognize when someone is out to kill.

You're not pleased to see me. And you're not in the mood to let me explain.

I get up, locking eyes with you.

 

And I start to cry.

 

 

_Whatever I was expecting, it was *not this*..._

_The sight of your tears hits me a like a brick wall, and I stop moving._

_I stand in the hallway, staring at you._

_Your height. Your muscular form. Your blue eyes, overflowing with tears._

_*You came*..._

_What? No. Kill him, I snap at myself. I step towards you._

_*YOU CAME*..._

_My chin trembles. A mad throbbing begins in my chest and bursts open, and before I know it, I’ve choked back a sob and I run the rest of the way and fling myself at you._

_You’re still weak, and we end up falling in a heap on the floor._

_I stare at you in shock, gazing into your sorrowful blue eyes._

_“Don’t be sad..” I whisper. “Please don’t be sad...”_

_I kiss you, and tears begin to stream down my face._

 

 

My eyes are blurry, god damn it, I can't see - and then you're running towards me, ready for the pounce - there's no way I can defend myself, you're too strong, too fast, and I'm still weak -

and then we're in a tangle on the floor and you are looking at me and -

_don't be sad!?_

You kiss me - kiss me - I swear a moment ago you were going to kill me - what!?

_Who cares –_

_JIM -_

My arms come up, I hold you, crying even harder now, pulling you close, kissing you, kissing you - oh god - I'm kissing you, you're back, you're here in my arms, and I'm never never never going to let you go...

"Don't be sad, Sebby, don't be sad..."

"I'm not -" I choke-laugh-sob. "I'm not - I'm so happy... I'm so sorry... I'm so glad I found you - I thought I'd lost you... I'm so sorry, Jim..."

 

 

_My lips press against yours before I return to crying._

_“No. *I’m* sorry, I thought you were - out on the prowl, and I lost it,” I sniffle. “I *lost it*, Sebastian. I was going to -“ I let out a sob. “I’m sorry I’m such a monster! I’ve never felt this way before, and it hurt - it hurt! And then I couldn’t control it...” I whisper, clinging to you. “I don’t know how - to do this... but I can’t not be with you,” I say softly into your hair. “I can’t...”_

 

 

"Me neither..." I sob, touching your hair, your soft, silky hair, so smooth - wait - is that blood? Yes, of course it's blood - it doesn't matter - how often have I come home spattered in blood -

"I am so sorry I left, I just needed - I was confused - I needed time to think, I'm so sorry I hurt you -

And I have thought, and I just want to be with you - I am sorry I doubted that - you are so sweet, so lovely, so beautiful, so fascinating... I am sorry I couldn't say it, but I am - I am in love with you, Jim, I am –

I wouldn't allow myself to, but I am."

 

 

_“Of course you needed time, I was totally unreasonable,” I sniffle against your neck. “Your bad luck to fall in - “ I stop and pull back, staring at you in utter shock. “Did you say -“_

_I fall back against the door, bumping my head. I wince._

_“Did you - “ My voice gives out, and my hands move around the back of your neck. “Even after - everything I *did*?” I kiss you fiercely, and hold your face in my hands._

_“*Sebastian*... I’m in love with you too. I have been from the beginning..” I whisper, and gaze at you for just a moment before my lips seek yours out again and kiss you with abandon._

 

 

Wait wait - as you pull back, I see - a black eye, and - a cut? so it _was_ your blood!?

"Jim -" I reach out my hand. "What happened? Who did that!?"

A black violent rage rises up inside me. Whoever did that is dead.

Wait - they probably are dead.

But - I never considered that you might be _vulnerable_. Going out there all the time and killing people - you might actually get _hurt_.

 

 

_One moment I'm declaring that I'm in love with you, and kissing you... and the next, your face is growing very dark and you're demanding to know who hurt me._

_Oh. My._

_Here's a side to you I haven't seen._

_Mmmm. *Sebastian*..._

_I want to purr and rub against you. But you're looking more furious by the moment._

_"Oh, *that*... nothing to worry about," I assure you, wiping my eyes. "That was courtesy of a trio of terribly homophobic individuals who no longer have anything to say - about anything. But to be fair, I did go out looking for a spot of violence. It was... satisfying," I sigh, sniffling._

_I study your inscrutable expression. "What's wrong? Are you - upset?"_

 

 

Am I -

"You got hurt! You went looking for violence, ok I get that, and it was satisfying, I get that _too_ \- but you got hurt. Let's go inside - do you have a first aid kit? We must clean that wound - can you get infected? And put some ice on that black eye - we don't want it to swell shut," I fuss.

I see you looking at me in a funny way.

"What?"

 

 

_You are *so sweet*... now I want to roll onto my back and let you pet me..._

_I slide a hand down your muscular arm._

_“Don’t concern yourself, darling. I’m not susceptible to infections. Which I would have liked to have told you when the condoms made an appearance, but -“ I smile cheekily. “It wasn’t time for secrets yet.”_

_You’re still looking at me with deep concern and I nuzzle your cheek. “If it would make you feel better, you’re welcome to treat my wounds. There’s a first aid kit in the bathroom. I don’t have cinematic vampire healing abilities, but... they’ll be mostly better by tomorrow. It’s sweet of you to worry...” I breathe against your ear. “No one has worried about me for a very long time...”_

 

 

“It’s interesting... you said you saw a protectiveness in me. I can’t say I’m at all protective, normally... but there is something about you. Especially when you were being Richard... I so wanted to keep him safe - keep you safe. When that bint had a go at you, I just wanted to slap her...”

 

 

_I beam at you. "I would have enjoyed that... and *Richard*, well! He would have been all aflutter, but secretly pleased."_

_Maybe I'll just wait a bit before I tell you I threw her body behind bins in the alley. Wanting to slap someone is not the same as being OK with them being drained dry... I congratulate myself for my understanding of the human psyche, and return to nuzzling you._

_"You do have a dark knight in shining armour energy to you... I saw it right away. And wanted you to be mine..."_

 

 

“Your dark knight in shining armour? Mmmm, why not, my dark prince... “ I snuggle.

“Should we maybe go inside? I know you say you’re not susceptible to infection, but your sofa is infinitely more comfortable than this filthy carpet.”

You nod, get up, open the door. We have hardly entered before you’re all over me again, and fuck, _yes_ , Jim...

“I’m all yours... but please let me take care of that cut first, it looks dirty...”

 

 

_But - I need more of your lips, more of your *everything*..._

_My head falls back dramatically. "Alright, darling..." I sigh. "You're awfully sweet to monsters...”_

_I pull you back towards the bathroom, eyeing you. “But just make sure you save your sweetness for *one* monster in particular...”_

_I kiss you as we walk. “Because, Sebastian... I get very *jealous* - more than you can possibly imagine...” I whisper._

 

 

Those words send shivers down my spine, but in a good way. I know it’s probably not a good idea to have a vampire get all possessive and jealous - I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s not a great trait for any boyfriend, but -

( _boyfriend?!_ )

... but for one who’s able to tear your head off in an instant it is especially contraindicated.

... oh god.

... you’re finding that hot, aren’t you?

A possessive, jealous, killer predator who can kill you in a second, needs blood to live, and finds yours particularly tasty.

... and you find it fascinating and sexy.

Fucking danger junkie...

“I’m yours, my dark prince...” I whisper. Your eyes so dark again...

I switch on the bathroom light, open the medicine cabinet, take out the first aid kit, open it. All still brand-new in its packaging. I open the disinfectant, take a towel, wet it, and wash out your wound before I disinfect it. It does not look bad now I’ve cleaned the dirt and blood off.

 

 

_*Dark prince*... oh, darling..._

_Where do you *come* from? I don’t mean your arrogant fuckwit of a father... How did you become *Sebastian*?_

_Your army training seems to take over, and you’re all business as you take care of my wound. Even as I stare at you in hungry fascination._

_*God*, you’re beautiful..._

_And to think I came this close to -_

_Painful twinges sear through me. Guilt?? Don’t like it._

_I *can’t* dwell on what I ‘almost’, I’m really not cut out for such feelings..._

_I just need to not let it happen again... warnings about jealousy aside._

_Seeing you dead would destroy me - I didn’t think of *that* when I was hunting you._

_You finish up treating my wound, wash your hands, and put away the first aid kit._

_I take your hands and kiss them. And I look at you sorrowfully._

_“I’m sorry for how I’ve behaved, Sebastian. Before I became a monster, I was already monstrous... so I don’t really have any kind of navigation system for treating someone well...” A flash of pain moves through me. Well. One person._

_“But... when you were out of it, I told you that you’re important... and I meant it. You are... I can’t explain *why* I would feel this way after such a short time, but I *do*... Sebastian...” I reach up and caress your hair. “Are you done taking care of me?” I ask softly. “Because I can think of somewhere far more comfortable that I’d rather be...”_

 

 

“Jim - what? What do you mean, how you behaved? Monstrous?! You did nothing wrong... I’m the one who said I had to leave, hurting you... I’m so sorry..."

"But I was a dick about it - my jealousy... It was perfectly natural that you wanted to have some space - I'm so sorry..."

We're both fussing and apologizing as we're making our way to the bedroom. You make a half-hearted token effort of mentioning the word 'drink' and pointing in the direction of the kitchen, but the only thing I want in my mouth is right here.

We fall onto the bed, fumbling with clothes - each other's, our own - whispering things like 'so sorry', 'missed you', 'so hot', 'prince' and 'knight', and then finally we are naked, in each other's arms, again, finally - it seems so long, so long ago, and so missed...

 

 

_"Was it only two nights ago we were here?" I murmur in between kisses. "It felt like an eternity without you..."_

_I'm lying against you, naked, and it feels so right... our bodies sliding against each other, my skin tingling... how do you do that? How do you make me feel more alive now than I did when I was human?_

_I look down at your face, feeling flushed. "God... Sebastian... How does this happen after one night?? This *connection* between us... " I whisper, and kiss your palm._

 

 

“I have no idea...” I admit. “I’ve never... no, I’ve never felt like this so suddenly, so intensely - this is not normal, is it?! It’s not your weird charm or intoxicating effect or something? But - then you shouldn’t feel it... I really have no idea, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I had no idea what to do with myself, I was completely out of it; what did you do to me, you monster... you gorgeous dark prince...

oh god I can’t believe I’m back here... I was so afraid I’d not see you again... that you were angry and wouldn’t look me up; and I didn’t know how to find you -“

We kiss, we grope, we moan, we pull each other close.

This is the only thing that’s ever mattered in my adult life, I’ve never been so entranced by anything, not sex, not fighting, even if the fighting was on a knife’s edge - I thought that those were the moments when you feel truly alive, when the world shows its true colours, but even those times of intensity pale compared to your presence. You taste so sweet, your fingers make trails of fire on my skin, your voice makes gooseflesh rise up and sends shivers all through my spine to my groin.

If other vampires are * _anything*_ like you, you are a superior life form indeed... but I have a suspicion that it’s not the vampirism, that it’s you... Sure, your strength and lethality are hot, but you are so much more...

Though I wouldn’t know how to describe it.

… you just set all my senses on fire…

 

 

_“Sebastian..."_

_*kiss*_

_"Whatever I did to you, you did right back to me..."_

_*mmm*_

_"You fiend, making me *feel*..."_

_*kiss*_

_"My sexy dark knight..."_

_*kiss*_

_"I was angry... *furious*! I don't handle emotions well, darling..."_

_*sigh*_

_"I wanted to hole up in my penthouse, and somehow I kept ending up back here!"_

_*ohh*_

_"I must have hoped you'd come back... and you *did*... you came back for me, Sebastian..."_

_I kiss you hungrily, and look down at you. I become very aware of our cocks pressed against each other, your deep breathing, the heat once again rising in my body..._

_"Oh god, Sebastian..." I whisper raggedly. "I *want you*."_

 

 

Those words set me on fire with an almost audible _whoosh_.

You want me. You _want_ me. I can hear the longing in your voice, can feel your desire in every movement you make, every place that you touch me causes sparks to jump.

How do I respond to this? 'I want you too?'

No, this isn't Richard... this is Jim...

I breathe, "I am yours... take me..."

 

 

_"*Fuck, yes I will*..." I half-murmur, half-growl into your ear._

_I sit up, straddling you and lean over to get the lube from the nightstand - and I remember that moment from *the First Time*, when I dropped the tube on the floor, and you playfully pressed your body against mine to not let me back up. You stare at me, and something flashes in your eye._

_"Are you remembering... the first time? Technically I guess that was your first time with Richard..." I tease. "Then came the first time with Jim... but you still only knew me as a human... "_

_I stare down at you hungrily, grasping your shoulders. "And now... the first time with the real Jim... the vampire who has promised not to drain you. Do you trust me, Sebastian?"_

_I gaze at you intently, and lick my lips._


	8. Who Wants to Live Forever

This world has only one  
Sweet moment set aside for us

 

Who wants to live forever?

 

 

Fuck, why is you being a dangerous bloodsucker so hot? Why is putting my life in the hands of a vicious killer who asks if I trust him while he's licking his lips sending the blood straight to my nether regions? The blood, Sebastian, which he said he really really liked the taste of, Sebastian. Just reminding you, Sebastian.

I am shaking - fuck trust, I _need_ you.

"I think I do... because anyone has blood, but you'll never find a better shag..." I say, braver than I feel.

 

 

_I lean down over you, laughing low in my throat. "Well, right - back - at you - darling... I don't doubt you could hook up with whomever you choose. But they could *never do what I can do*... and you already know that, don't you?" I tongue the base of your throat, then swipe up over your throat and under your jaw. Your head moves, and I purr at your moan. "Mmmm... I haven't forgotten that you told me I could have a little sip... but I'm going to wait until you're fully healed and strong again. And ohhhh, that will be a day you'll remember... I'll make it so good for you, Sebastian..." I whisper, and push your hands over your head._

 

 

Oh god, you're licking my throat, and I'm baring it to you, moving my head back to give you access; a moan rises up from the depths...

Enjoy your first time with a vampire, Sebastian...

Your promise that you will make it _so good_ for me when you can have more of my blood makes me want to beg you to take my blood now, have it, it's yours - but I have _some_ sense left in my severely blood-deprived head, and don't - just shiver as my hands are pushed over my head.

What is it about feeling helpless in your arms that makes me feel so fucking euphoric? This is not like games I've played with other people - I always knew that I was just _letting_ them tie me down, that my arms stayed in place because I wanted them to, not because I was actually prevented from movement. You are the first partner who could _actually_ physically restrain me if he wanted, and that is _so_ fucking hot... I never knew physical power was such a strong aphrodisiac...

I look into your eyes, so dark, so beautiful, and I want to whimper...

"Yours..."

 

 

_Oh god, you're soooo into this, and the dazed look in your eyes is just making me more excited..._

_I move off you, quick like a snake - I push your legs up into a bent position, and move your thighs apart. Then I take the lube and apply it to your opening and my cock. I push my finger in, and then add another one._

_"I take it you liked being tied up... and thrashed..." I say as I prepare you, and a smile crosses my face. "And I liked doing it to you - *very much*. But I don't want to wait for another moment to be inside you - " I withdraw my fingers, and position myself at your entrance. "Not - one - more - second -" I moan, pushing partway into you._

_"But we'll have time, won't we, darling?" I pant, pulling back. I'm enjoying this breathing thing..._

_"Time to explore and test your limits..." I push forward again, deeper than before. "Your *real* limits that no one on this earth knows... how could they? But I'll know..." I lick my lips again, push in deeper. "*I'll know, Sebastian*..." I whisper-growl, and smile as you shiver._

_I bury myself in you, as far as I can go, and I shiver, too. "Oh..." I moan. "You feel so good..."_

_I begin to move, my eyes half-closing. "And you're fucking *mine*..."_

 

 

Oh fuck... _so_ good... how can anything, anyone, feel _so good!?_ Is it a vampire thing, or a you thing? It must be you... I'm convinced it's you... There's no evolutionary advantage to being an epic lover if you're a predator, is there? It's just for me... all for me... because I'm yours, yes, of course I am - you caught me, and did something more drastic than kill me - you made me yours. I don't know how you did it, but being away from you made me _sick_... is that what they call lovesick?

It's not some vampire thing, is it? To prevent your prey from getting away? The same reason that you can track me?

Fuck, so many things I don't know...

But not now... we can talk later...

If you survive this.

Yeah yeah, if I survive the dangerous predator having his fangs so near my neck... I should probably be more worried, as the last time we were in this position I nearly died.

... yeah. I definitely should be more worried. I'll think about that when I'm not busy feeling fucking _awesome_...

Because you are taking me, taking me like you somehow know I want to be taken, need to be taken - feeling your cock possessing me, hearing your moans of pleasure, seeing your eyes - there's definitely something non-human about your eyes - the way they catch the light? Is it like a cat's eyes, which are more photosensitive and which sometimes look so weirdly reflective? I could look at those eyes for ever, lose myself in the universe that is inside them...

Oh god fuck Jim, your moves are _exquisite_ , so fucking good, I'm groaning, gasping –

 

 

_As I lose myself in your body, your face, your sounds, I think back in a daze over the last 48 hours... after I brought home the hottest man I've *ever seen*... I half-drained him of his blood... got furious at him needing some time to deal with me being a vampire... and nearly killed him in a jealous fit, while he was actually sitting and waiting outside my door..._

_and he's so_

_*fucking*_

_*into*_

_*this*..._

_God, Richard... I owe you an apology._

_You were right - and I'm keeping him._

_It doesn't make a lick of sense - and I don't fucking care._

_I lean down and kiss you._

_"Mmm... Sebastian..." I murmur. "So *fucking* good..."_

_I have to admit, there's something about you having been the hottest man in the club and wanting *me* that makes this whole thing even hotter... My narcissism increased a hundredfold as a vampire._

_That's right, club tramps... he's *mine*..._

_The Queen Bitch has spoken._

_The Queen Bitch has *claimed* him._

_I moan, grasp the hands over your head tightly, and bury myself in you again and again._

_"Fuck... *all* mine..."_

 

 

You _are_ a possessive little fucker, aren't you? Mine, mine, mine... Sure, my adorable killer vampire, I'll be yours... Because you're the hottest thing I've ever seen, and I've fucking fallen for you like the proverbial ton of bricks, and I believe you that you've not used any glamours or stuff on me - it's just you. Sweet, adorable Richard, smoking hot, commanding Jim - both in one incredibly hot package...

And fuck it, being possessed by you is the hottest thing ever. I could be coy about it, but if I am honest, I've been longing to meet someone who was stronger, more dangerous than I am all my life. While at the same time trying to make myself the strongest and most dangerous motherfucker out there. Yeah, it doesn't quite make sense to me either... I _wanted_ someone who was supernatural. Here I am, the most lethal human on the planet - come and try me, if you dare... So many did, and none came anywhere near... Stiles got closest, but even he needed a gun...

You just need your arms, your body, your eyes, your smile, your cock, and I'm a helpless mess.

I close my eyes, move my head further back, exposing my throat to you in such an ultimate gesture of trust, groan as your thrusts increase speed and force, your fingers digging in my wrists.

"Yes - all yours..." I confirm.

 

 

_I thrust into you, slamming against your thighs rhythmically._

_We both groan with each impact, and you begin to rock your hips, pushing back against me... driving me deeper in in *in*..._

_god, I'm so deep inside you..._

_I have never felt this way before..._

_I'm surrounded by you, immersed in you..._

_Your head moves back, and I eye the pulse in your throat. My fangs come down, and my mouth opens. Fuck._

_*No*. We don't do that to Sebastian, I shout at my vampire nature who snaps and snarls at me. Whatever. I make the rules. I always have. If I were just a vampire, I never could have risen up against my maker. And I *did*. And it was a thing of beauty._

_And I say, when I drink from you it will be fucking beautiful, and you will live to see another day._

_My vampire self narrows his glowing eyes at me, and slinks off into the shadows where he belongs._

_And I smile at your words, and begin to stroke your cock._

_"Then... come with me, Sebastian..." I sigh, and kiss you feverishly._

 

 

So good, so fucking good... yours, lying here, spread, taking you in, deep, filling me up, filling me up with your cock, with your eyes, with your words... Utter utter bliss...

Fuck I love being in love... I can't remember ever feeling this way, it's been so long... but I fucking _love_ seeing you, feeling you, hearing you... I liked the others I fucked, sure, they were exciting enough, but it was more about the act first and the person second. This is completely the opposite - you could suggest we spend a day sorting out your stamp collection and I'd be delighted.

 

Then - your smile - your mouth - your fangs...

 

They're coming down...

 

Unlike other times when my life has been under direct threat, I don't get a rush of adrenaline. I don't have the urge to fight back.

This is probably worrying.

But I just look, see the fangs.

You may just get a bit. You may take the lot. Or it may be an involuntary response, like getting a hardon, just indicating you _want_ blood, not necessarily that you are getting it.

I close my eyes. Do not move my head back. I trust you.

This is mental. My survival instinct _never_ withdraws. Again I wonder about charms... incapacitating the prey... I should fight... But I don't want to fight you...

 

After an indeterminate amount of time I feel you stroke my cock, saying I should come with you, kissing me –

 

They're gone. They've retracted.

We'll talk about that later...

Now... I come...

 

 

_Shit. You noticed the fangs, didn't you._

_Didn't react, but there was a look in your eye... like... 'you and I are having a conversation'._

_I feel a bit sheepish, which I've *only* ever felt with you... and... almost looking forward to talking about it? Which makes as much sense as a vampire and human falling in love in the first place..._

_Oh god... we did it, didn't we? We said it out loud..._

_Well, I'm fucking in love, and there's no use trying to get that mad genie back in the bottle...he's not going *anywhere*._

_And we have other business to take care of... like an epic fucking orgasm for our First Time - the First Time for you and me. The time with Richard was so sweet and sexy, and the time with Jim as a human was dark and hot... but this time... is complex, nuanced like a fine wine... shifting flavours and notes lighting up delicious red nectar..._

_Oh god, don't think of red nectar..._

_I unleash all of my desire, all of my longing onto you, your body, your mouth... groaning, thrusting, growling... shivers move through me, and I feel you hovering on the brink of orgasm._

_"Oh god... come..." I moan._

_Shuddering against your body, I pour myself into you, dimly aware of you crying out and shaking violently in response. Your seed spills over my hand, and I collapse against you._

_"Oh..." I whisper. "That was - oh..."_

 

 

Yes - oh god _yes_ -

This is _amazing_ \- my orgasm is coming from my _toes_ , but it's not just physical ecstasy - seeing your face contract in pleasure, hearing your groans, makes my heart swell so much, makes me want to hold you closer, closer, for ever, melt together truly -

I feel your passion flow into me, and it sends me into thralls of rapture myself - Jim - fuck - _JIM_ -

The world goes black, but only for a moment, I am not passing out, just - overwhelmed - fuck this is _so goooood..._ I'm trembling, shaking, groaning, shouting... as are you - oh god Jim...

Slowly sight comes back. The ceiling - the ceiling I saw when I came in this bed last time, just before I passed out -

So much better now... you lying on my heaving chest, stickiness on our bellies.

You did it. You fucked me and didn't bite me.

And I loved it...

My sweet vampire...

I stroke your hair, see you raise your head, smile at me - so sweet - you look like Richard again, that sweet lopsided smile that I immediately fell in love with...

 

 

_I have no words for the moment... I just rest my head against you, moving with the rise and fall of your chest, hearing your breath and your heartbeat..._

_When you touch my hair, I look up, suddenly longing to see your face. I break out into a smile..._

_"I hadn't smiled liked this for a very, very, very long time..." I murmur. "You will *ruin* me as a creature of darkness. Is that your plan, Sebastian?"_

_I lean down and kiss you. "Is it?" I whisper._

 

 

"I have no idea - you'll have to lend me the Vampire's Manual. Does it say you must solely stay in windswept turrets, brooding in a black mantle, and your only expression of mirth should be maniacal laughter when you've vanquished an enemy? Or are you allowed to smile and snuggle with cute soldiers?

You're right, that doesn't sound very dark and demonic... tell you what, I won't tell anyone. If they ask, you keep me in a basement in chains and only visit to outline your diabolical plans and feed."

 

 

_"Mmm... but if you dangle the idea of you in a basement in chains in front of me, I may find that hard to resist."_

_I give you an impish smile. "I'll leave it to you to decide if I'm joking or not."_

_I nibble your neck. "Oh god, the Vampire's Manual is such a dour text... and yes, that's the summary right there. The ones who like to congregate and make decrees are insufferable, and lone vampires like me I rarely meet. It is *not* encouraged to smile and snuggle with cute soldiers... because once you share your secret, then the idea is that everyone is vulnerable. But I couldn’t care less about them and their safety... and I would choose the company of a sweet soldier any day."_

_I kiss your lips. "Maybe now that you've confessed your feelings for me, we can have that Twilight marathon after all..."_

 

 

“Any time...” I snuggle my nose into your hair.

“Though the idea of being chained up in your basement appeals as well... do you have a basement? It’s not too damp, is it? Does it have nice comfortable cushions to lounge on whilst I wait for my dark prince to come and take his pleasure from me?”

“No basement here,” you shake your head sorrowfully. “Nor chains, unfortunately...”

“It’s appalling how poorly-equipped rental apartments are these days,” I commiserate. “Twilight marathon it’ll have to be then... though... I would also like to chat a bit, if you don’t mind? I mean, if you’re not going to let me read the manual... I do have a few questions. Is that alright? I mean, you can say if you’d rather not say, I don’t want to pressure you...”

 

 

_I smile lazily at you, and curl my leg around yours. "I'm in no hurry to get up... ask away."_

_It crosses my mind that we don't need to stay here. Should I take you to my permanent residence? That would be a whole other level of trust... but how much trust have you shown me... showing up here, not knowing if I'd be angry, putting yourself at risk by being intimate with me, exposing your neck to me..._

_No, don't do it... my suspicious vampire nature snaps._

_Richard shoulders him out of the way, dreamy-eyed._

_"Speaking of rental apartments... this one is only mine for a couple more nights. I have my own place... if you wanted to come with me," I say shyly. "But - I'll understand if you want to go home, Sebastian..."_

_Oh god, Richard... here we go with the starry-eyed boy routine *again*..._

 

 

"Does it have a basement?" I grin.

"I'd love to chat... can we have another cigarette? And - could I nick a beer if you still have one?"

"Of course - sorry - I'm not used to being a host-" you fluster - Richard again...

"It's fine... you have been the best host imaginable, so far..." I smile. "Don't get up, I know where it is..." But you're already running off, returning in a flash with a beer and an ashtray.

I take a deep gulp, offer it to you.

 

 

_I take a sip, and hand it back to you as I get into bed and lean against the headboard. "Not really my drink of choice," I deadpan, then nudge your shoulder. "I'm referring to *wine*, silly..."_

_You fake-laugh heartily, and I burst out laughing._

_"Idiot. So, it's a penthouse," I grin at you. "Sorry, no basement. Should I look for a country house and install a lovely dungeon for you?" I kiss the top of your head._

_This feels so much easier, now. Now that Richard has what he wanted in the first place... *god*, I think in disbelief. You got a consummate player, *terrified* of love, to tell you he was in love with you after one night together... even though you nearly killed him. My hat is off to you. Silently I slow-clap, and Richard bows, looking pleased._

_"I'm really happy you're here, Sebastian... what do you want to know?"_

 

 

"A gothic mansion it'd have to be, I think..." I smile. "Haunted, of course. By someone in a long white nightdress. And with chandeliers. I think my dad may have one for sale, but don't buy it - it's terribly draughty and the ghost was only ever seen by my mum."

I take another sip of my beer, light a cigarette, hand it to you, put the ashtray in between us. Like that first night... when you changed from Richard into Jim, slowly... I look at you, seeing you think the same.

"So - Richard - he's one of your personas, you said. But _I_ said, and I still maintain this, that he is more than that. You do have that sweet, caring side. It may not get out a lot - like my protective side doesn't get out a lot - but it was so genuine - is that a side of you?"

 

 

_Oh god... why are you asking me that? I thought you were going to ask questions about *vampires*, not about *me*..._

_"Is he more than a persona?" I say slowly. "I - don't -"_

_Richard is looking at me smugly._

_"I don't really know how to answer that, Sebastian..." I say weakly. I take a drag intently off my cigarette, and blow out smoke away from you. "So you think each persona is automatically a part of someone? What about agents with secret identities? All of their personae are actually them in disguise?"_

_Richard shakes his head at me. Told you, Jimmy..._

 

 

"No - I've played parts before. Sometimes they're a side of you, sometimes they're just - an act. But Richard... he was so sweet, and so loving, and so caring... I don't like to think that was just an act. Was it?"

I light my own cigarette, look at your face. It looks perturbed. Sorry, wrong question?

 

 

_Richard stares me down, suddenly more confident than ever._

_If you say yes... he whispers, you'll hurt him. Is it more important to you to keep pretending, Jimmy?_

_"No..." I murmur, staring off. "No, it wasn't an act..."_

_Richard beams at me. You don't need to keep me at a distance anymore..._

_He enfolds me in a hug._

_But, I whisper inside my head. Richard, no! Don't leave me!_

_Silly, he whispers back. Where do you think I would go, Jimmy?_

_He melts into me, and I stare at you in shock._

_"Oh..." I say, feeling lost. "It *wasn't an act*. It was me..."_

 

 

Oh god you look so lost - so vulnerable - I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried -

You talk like you only now are realizing that it's actually true - that Richard is a part of you; that you have a sweet and vulnerable side...

I didn't mean to make you feel exposed - oh Jimmy - Richard - my sweet...

I put my cigarette on the ashtray, move it to the side, hug you. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just - I needed to know that that was real. That that way you looked at me - spoke to me - that that was you. Because they were the loveliest words I've heard in such a long time... and I wanted them to be true."

 

 

_I blink as you enfold me in your strong arms. My hands curl around your shoulders, and I press my face into your chest._

_Fuck... well this is a hell of a thing to discover about myself. Especially *as a vampire*. Considering I've been a psychopathic monster for longer than I was ever a vulnerable... Richard??_

_"They were true," I murmur. "Sebastian... everything was true. I wanted Someone... but I didn't know that until I saw you. And wanted it to be you."_

 

 

"Same here," I mumble into your hair. "I mean - I thought I never wanted anyone. Ever. People were just - prey, like for you. To shag or to shoot. And then - I saw Richard - that smile - those eyes, so shy, so beautiful... and I wanted to shag him. But then when we were talking, and we touched - it was just like - a current went through us. And it was more than just sexual. I wanted you, fuck yes - but - if you'd have invited me over for a Twilight marathon, and _only_ that, because, I don't know, you never fuck on a first date or something, I would have come - because I wanted to be with you more than I wanted to shag someone. And then - all the things we said - that _I_ said, despite knowing that I couldn't - it was so true for me...

I'd have hated for all that to just have been an act to get me to stay long enough to drink my blood."

 

 

_"It *wasn't*," I say fervently. "I was completely aware the entire time that I wanted you, and I was wishing it were possible... I can't tell you how distressing it was. I felt like I was coercing myself the entire time for what I thought I had to do..." I say in a forlorn voice._

_I look up at you. "If Richard had invited you to a Twilight marathon... you would have still come??" I stare at you in disbelief, and then burst out laughing. "That is so *sweet*... really?"_

_I grin and rest my head against your chest. "I wish I had known... I would have loved to have seen your face when I asked..."_

_Dimly it occurs to me that I referred to Richard as myself... but I'm too happy in this moment to feel freaked out._

 

 

I laugh, making your head move. "I think I would have regarded it as the weirdest pick-up line ever. And I would have pretended I'd never seen them, because I would have wanted to come across all manly and stuff." You snigger. "And by the time I realized that you really really meant to just watch the films, rather than Twilight and chill - well. I would have happily followed you home, looking forward to spending about ten hours just cuddling with you, and talking about love, and similar things..."

 

 

_"Oh, you're manly," I purr, running the back of my hand down your arm. "Even watching Twilight, you'll be the manliest..." Our gazes connect, and I feel that current again moving between us. Like I just had ten cups of coffee, or got jolted with electricity. "Is this what you meant by the current..." I ask, my voice low. "I felt it, too. Feel it... I have no idea what it is, just that - I can't imagine feeling it, and just - walking away..." My unneeded breath catches in my throat._

 

 

Your eyes go very wide, very black, as you look at me. Again I am reminded of a cat - the way their pupils go huge in times of great intensity.

"I feel it, yes..." I whisper, remembering Richard asking me - _do you feel this, too?_ \- and me taking the coward's route out, because I was terrified...

I look at you, and can tell you are thinking of the same moment.

I move my hand behind your head, pull you into a kiss, and the current moves up, to our lips, making them tingle where they touch. Our cigarettes are forgotten as we kiss, so sweetly, so gently, exploring the odd new feeling; I move my hand down your back, feeling the electricity following it - I've definitely never felt anything like this.

 

 

_Your mouth against mine is so sweet... I hear myself sighing as our lips taste each other with such longing, such deep desire. Your hand on my back leaves a glowing, sparking stream of energy. I feel pleasure in my chest like a fizzing burst._

_"Fuck," I whisper as we break apart, and I listen to your ragged breathing. "What are we going to do, Sebastian? After ten hours of Twilight and cuddling and talking about love... what then?"_

 

 

"I don't know," I admit. "I didn't really think further than 'I really really don't want to lose you'..."

 

 

_I look up at you, considering. "Hmm. Well. Maybe it's too soon to know."_

_No! I need to know everything *now*!!_

_"Maybe we'll just figure it out as we go."_

_Stupidest solution *ever*. Jesus..._

_"Maybe Twilight will lead us in the right direction... " I smile wryly. "Only - no tedious love triangles, no stupid blustery werewolves, no messianic CGI child who will tear our world apart and then show us a better way that leads to peace. And if we're going to have a standoff with a vampire cabal, I insist on violence. " You chuckle and lean down to kiss me. "Oh... I hope snarky commentary doesn't interfere with your enjoyment of romantic teen vampire films... it's happening regardless." I smile at you sweetly. "You remember enjoying Richard's bitchy side? Well, I'm the Queen Bitch."_

 

 

"Well, we've kind of done the first two films," I muse. "I've fallen for you despite knowing you're a vampire - you don't sparkle, do you?" You shake your head, grimacing. "And you've disappeared and I was some blank pages for two days... fuck, I really felt empty without you." I look at your face, stroke your hair. "But yeah, I didn't make friends with a werewolf - that I know of, but you never know... in fact, it was a friend who helped me decide to come back tonight. Demmings, my old army mate - oh fuck! I promised I'd get in touch with him to let him know how it went - I think he wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be alone if I couldn't find you or you'd reject me - I better text him."

I move to get my phone, see your face.

"I didn't tell him you were a vampire! Just that I'd met someone - I couldn't forget..."

 

 

_"And Demmings was *not* the one you slept with..." I say, my voice growing flinty. "No, that was *Stiles* and his big gun! I'm so happy to have a name to go with my overactive imagination... if you ever think of dropping any other names or exciting details, maybe just... *don't*," I growl. I feel my eyes glow for a moment. Shit. I rush to the kitchen so I can - not breathe, but just get my head together._

_Fuck. Jealous vampire + human is a recipe for disaster._

_I dig through the liquor bottles, and find rum. Perfect._

_Rum and coke is what I need to calm down. I unscrew the lid and take a swig, before heading to the fridge. Just need to find some Coke... I take another swig and don't move towards the fridge._

 

 

What?

How do you know about Stiles? And - his gun!?

What did I say in my fever dreams? Or - are you a mind reader?

And then you're off. Fucking hell. Are you going to make a habit of this? Because it's getting very old _already_.

I leave you to it - I'm not going to go trailing after you like some lovesick puppy. If you want to be a jealous bitch you can calm down on your own.

Scowling, I pick another cigarette and light it.

 

 

_After a few more swigs, I open the fridge door. "Coke, where is the... ah..." I swipe a bottle, and pour myself a glass. Then I glare at the bedroom, swipe up the bottle, and carry it in with me._

_"You're not going to follow me?" I demand. "Isn't that what people in love are supposed to do??"_

 

 

"I don't know - are people in love supposed to walk off in a huff three times during the first two nights together?" I ask, peeved. "Because I don't really enjoy it. If you have a problem with something I've done, something I say - just tell me. Don't stomp off.

Fag?" I hold one out to you so you know I'm not pissed off with you, just - irked.

 

 

_Shit. I'm fucking pouting, aren't I._

_"I thought people in love are supposed to be accepting of who you are... I'm a psychopathic monster, for fuck's sake..." I say in a sulky, injured voice, and snatch your cigarette._

_"And I 'stomped off' so I could control my temper this time... I was being *considerate*!" I snap. I look at your indignant expression, and hide my own by taking a drag off the smoke. I hold it in, but then my shoulders start shaking, and I burst out into smoky laughter._

_"Well... it felt considerate at the time..." I choke out, giggling._

 

 

I'm getting pissed off, but then you're laughing, and looking utterly cute, and I am mollified.

"Right. You're a psychopathic monster, and I'm a slut. Are you going to be accepting of that as well?" I challenge.

 

 

_I open my mouth, close it again. Open, close. I take a deep drink of rum, wipe my mouth._

_"If by accepting you mean *in denial*... yes! Just *don't* talk about it... no names. No incidents. Nothing!" I roll my eyes and pour more fiery liquid down my throat. I cough, blink at you. I take another drag off your cigarette, blow smoke at you, and hand it back. "Agreed?" I ask hoarsely, and give you a sweet smile._

 

 

"... Fair enough," I acknowledge. "And I wasn't aware that I _had_ mentioned anything. Was this when I was out of it, or are you a mind reader?"

"No!" you reply, angrily. "You were yabbering on about him when you were... incapacitated..."

"So that answers the question if we're going to be _exclusive_..." I grin, "Which is fine with me, but how are you going to get your food without flirting with your dinner?"

 

 

_I beam at you about 'exclusive', and my smile falters at 'flirting'..._

_I think for a moment, chewing my lip. "Well... I can either flirt without *doing* anything... *or*... turn on vampire charm so they can't resist me... do you have a preference, darling?" I sidle up to you, and slide my arm around your shoulder. "See how considerate I can be, Sebastian?" I purr against your neck._

 

 

Aw. I'm completely melted again. You may be a jealous prima donna, but asking me how I want you to hunt is very sweet.

"You can hunt however you like, sweetie." Apparently we're calling each other darling and sweetie now. It sounds completely natural.

"Whatever works best. As long as you eat them and not shag them, I shan't be jealous..." I kiss your forehead.

"About this vampire charm... I've been wondering about it. Don't get pissed off with me asking, ok? I just - I don't know how it works. And I trust you when you say that you haven't used it on me, but - is it something that can work subconsciously? Could I have been affected by it without you knowing?"

 

 

_Awwww... you're calling me sweetie now? Am I your sweetie now?_

_(Down, Richard...)_

_"I'm not doing anything different than when I was human... And I had the same reactions from people then... I just know how to turn on charm, darling." I nuzzle your neck._

_"Was I turning on charm with you? Yes, at the very beginning... but I'm just a terrible flirt. I always have been. But with you I actually was flirting for real, not for the hunt. Vampire charm is... different. It's less flirty, and more 'Look into my eyes. Oh, you want me now. Come along...'" I raise my eyebrows. "I promise you, you would know the difference if you felt it. I just..." I falter. "I don't - I don't want to do it to you! Please don't ask... I don't want you to feel differently about me..."_

 

 

You're a terrible flirt? But you're still the jealous type? Huh.

"I won't ask you to do anything you're not comfortable with," I assure you. "I did feel lost in your eyes though... especially when we were making love. I felt I could stare into them forever and forget about the world. I could imagine those eyes enchanting me... But sure, I believe you if you say it's a different thing.

Just - I'm trying to work out what's happening. And I hope you'll excuse me; I've never been in love with a vampire before. When you said that you had this - sort of blood tracker on me, that after you'd tasted my blood you could find me anywhere. I assume that's a hunter's perk - you can find your prey if it's managed to escape. But - what about the prey? Do you know of anything - could it be that I was so - empty because of some effect your bite had on me? That the predator can find the prey back, and that the prey... isn't capable of fighting back?"

I feel horrible for asking this, but I want to be sure, absolutely certain, that the feelings I am having are my own... I'm sorry, I don't want to be insulting, my sweet vampire... I am just utterly at a loss. It's not like I've been in love with an adult human before either...

 

 

_Hearing you refer to us making love makes me want to *swoon*. God, this merging with my Richard ‘persona’... what has it done to me?_

_And what have *you* done to me, Sebastian? Someone getting angry at me would normally result in a ripped out throat... *not* blustering and helpless giggles. Jesus..._

_Oh... you have more questions, and I have no idea what the answers are..._

_I look at you doubtfully. “I don’t think - a bite would cause *emptiness*. Anyway I felt empty, too! How do you explain that? Blame stupid love, not a vampire bite! I’ve never felt so low... life felt fucking meaningless, more so than usual,” I say mournfully. “I never want to feel that way again... but... you have to decide for yourself if this is real,” I say sadly. “I want you to *know* your feelings are real. I won’t stand in your way if you need to leave. And I won’t hunt you.” That means no killing him if he leaves, I tell myself firmly._

_*If he leaves...*_

_My happiness plummets._

 

 

"I'm sorry, Jim... I must sound like an awful suspicious person... it's just - I have no idea how this works, and you are my only source of information. And for what it's worth - I do trust you. I do believe that you are telling me the truth as far as you know it. I mean - it wouldn't serve you to lie. You could have drunk me dry any time, so I do believe that you are genuinely in love. And I also believe that you would want my feelings to be genuine as well. I am just checking in case - well - you might have had some subconscious effects or something.

I'm not used to this - I've never been in love since I was a young teen. So it's all so alien... and my mind is freaking out, trying to work out what the cause is. And it makes sense that the cause is _you_ , but you are two unique factors - an individual, and a vampire.

And - being in love for me is a big thing. A very big thing. So I want to be absolutely certain that it's _you_ that affects me, and not the vampire bit. So - I'm sorry if I ask questions that make you uncomfortable, that are even insulting to you. I'm just - confirming the being in love thing. If that makes sense.

So - yes, I believe what you're saying, and that your feelings were similar, and that it's not a vampire/prey thing. Thank you for being patient and helping me understand."

I kiss your hair. There's still some blood in it - we'll have to have a shower.

 

 

_I listen to you explain all this to me, trying desperately not to interrupt you by kissing you senseless. I place my hand on your face._

_“I *understand*, darling... considering I nearly killed you, it’s sweet of you to worry about causing me offence.” I study your face, searching your eyes. “And - I can see why you’d be cautious after all the times I’ve flown off the handle already. Believe me, this is alien for me, too. I *certainly* have never been in love before, and I never considered anyone’s feelings, *ever*... well, since childhood, anyway. I can try to help you understand as best I can, but you need to be patient with me, too! I know how I feel! To have you question how you feel makes me feel sad! And I don’t handle that well, as we’ve seen. But if this what you need...” I stare into your eyes, and kiss you. “I’ll give you what you need, Sebastian... what do you want to do? Is there anything else you want to ask?”_

 

 

Really!? Oh...

That... hits me quite hard, actually.

Wow.

I stare at you, you look back. "What?"

"You've never been in love before?"

 

 

_“Noooo...” I stare back at you, bewildered. Why are you looking at me like that?_

_“Is it that hard to believe? I was a psychopath... a criminal... now a vampire... love never entered the equation. I didn’t *want* it to... And it feels very... disorienting...” I say carefully. “Like... my navigation system has cocked up completely. Thanks a lot, Sebastian...” I say drily. Then I smile fondly at you, and kiss the back of your hand._

 

 

"Sorry..." I beam. I have never been less sorry in my life. Oh my sweet, adorable psychopathic criminal vampire... never been in love... I can't...

I kiss your hand as well.

"That is... very honouring. I hope to be worth the inconvenience to your navigation system.

So - can I ask... how old are you? Does vampirism stop you ageing? Are you, like, immortal, except for certain things like a stake through the heart? You don't have to tell me how you can be killed, I didn't mean that. I just meant - do you not age, like in the stories? Or is that a myth?"

 

 

_“My, you do have a lot of questions! All right, get comfy, darling...”_

_I settle against you again. I don’t like how it felt to be parted._

_“I was 25 when I was made vampire... I guess it will be one year, next week. Happy first vampire birthday to me,” I roll my eyes. “Yes, it stops you from ageing... and only certain things like a stake through the heart will kill you.”_

_Tell him, my inner Richard urges. Show him you trust him..._

_Absofuckinglutely *not*... no one gets that information._

_“So I’ll be young and beautiful for as long as I live, that’s a plus. But I have a habit of infuriating vampire cabals, so I doubt it will be forever. And who wants to live forever, anyway? Fucking boring...”_

 

 

Oh, a recent vampire... I hadn't expected some centuries-old guy, but you're younger than I am. And you won't age... huh. Well, this probably won't be a very long relationship then... I'll just age, and you won't...

Jesus, Sebastian. You just met the guy. Can you not start thinking about having to break up with him due to ageing already? Wait a week, or so?

"So - how does one get made a vampire? How were you made a vampire? And what are these cabals?"

I finish my beer.

 

 

_There’s a strange look on your face for a moment, and then it passes. What? The no-ageing thing? What do you care, you’re not old..._

_“Actually, that’s one thing that is like books and films. A vampire drains you, brings you to the point of dying... and then gives you his blood. Then you feed. And that’s exactly what happened... I -“_

_I hesitate. This is not a good memory for me. But I told you I’d give you what you need, and you obviously feel the need to understand this vampirism thing better._

_“I had a client.” I grit my teeth. “He wanted to meet for drinks. I’d been doing contracts for him for a while, so I thought I knew him well enough. After we conducted business, he gave the impression that he could tell what I’d be into, and that he was, too. And so I figured, why not. He was attractive, and it had been a while...”_

_I take a swig of rum, and wait for the burning in my throat to subside._

_“I did take a bodyguard with me to the club... But things were going well, and I told the guy to hang back and not get too close. The problem was, the club was so packed... the idiot lost track of me. I’ve always wondered if my client used vampire mind control on him... Anyway, my client was waiting for me outside the toilets, and he fucking bit me...” I pause, my jaw clenched. “It happened so quickly. I lost a lot of blood, and I was so weak. I fought him, but... vampire strength. He pretended I was too drunk, and he was helping me walk - I must have looked ill and on the verge of passing out. So he took me out to the alley, and finished the job...”_

_I pour more rum down my throat, and have a coughing fit. You rub my back soothingly, and try to take the bottle from me, but I cling to it._

_“I was dying. Part of me had always wanted to die, but in the moment... I wasn’t ready. But I did consider letting go. Do you know what I mean?”_

_You have a look in your eye. You know._

_“So when he told me I could live if I drank his blood... in the back of my mind, I was aware of what would happen, but - you know what the only real factor was for me?” I look at you, questioningly. You shake your head, staring at me with rapt attention._

_“If I was dead... I couldn’t take my vengeance on him.” I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t hesitate. I drank as much as I could. And then I died.”_

_I nod at you. “Oh, yes... you do die before you become a vampire. And then... the vampire blood you took in does whatever alchemical thing to you that it does. And you rise as a vampire. I don’t know how much later. It was night-time. But was it that night? The next night?_

_I awoke behind bins, feeling crazed and ravenous. Out of my head. I got up and drained the first person I found. The fucker had left me on my own to figure things out myself. I had to find shelter before dawn... I found an abandoned warehouse, and broke in and slept. My maker was waiting for me the next night... Can I have a cigarette?”_

_My hands are shaking... vampires *don’t shake*._

 

 

So many thoughts -

so many feelings...

You were a consulting criminal with a successful business already at age 25.

Awe.

You went with a client because you wanted to have sex with him.

Jealousy.

Yeah, well. If you get to be jealous so do I. Note how I’m not stomping off.

Guy drained you of blood. Not a little, but completely. You were dying.

Rage.

How fucking _dare_ he... I’m going to fucking kill him...

Considering letting go...

Pity. Love. Understanding. Oh my sweet little prince...

Vengeance.

Pride. Recognition. Yes.

You died.

Oh god.

You actually died.

I mean, I’d read it in books and seen it in films, but - hearing it from you - oh god that must have been terrible - I’ve been close to death, and it’s fucking scary and often painful as hell.

And the waking up... crazed and confused... fucking bastard couldn’t have waited? Explained what had happened? Got you some food?!

I hand you a cigarette, kiss your hand as you take it. I don’t want to speak, don’t want to interrupt your story, but I want you to see that I’m here for you, that I’m supportive.

 

 

_I try to light the cigarette, but I fumble and you have to do it for me._

_Jesus... I don't know why I'm telling you all this... I could have summarized this in five sentences. Three._

_I take a long drag. My hands are still shaking, but the cigarette smoke helps. Why are vampires affected by emotions?? I really do need to start a lab to study this..._

_"So. It's fair to say I was not happy to see him. He laughed and made a big deal out of how it made me stronger to be on my own when I rose. Some shite about how it was more old world and more traditional, and 'young vampires today' were weak... and wasn't I fortunate that I didn't wake to find myself in a coffin like in the old days... like digging yourself out of a grave would make you the best vampire you could be." I bark out a laugh._

_"Really I think he just liked playing God. Also he was from one of the more hardcore cabals. Fuckers..." I take another drag and exhale. "I had one purpose in life, death, unlife, whatever - and that was to kill him. But I couldn't do it until I'd gathered the information I needed." I shrug. "Until I'm ready to go, I'm a survivor. So I went with him, learned from him, was introduced to the cabal... oh, darling. I wanted to firebomb the lot of them. But I had to play along with their stupid rules, until I'd learned everything I could._

_I was always so good at that in life - playing a role, burying my feelings, not giving in to pain... When I turned, I couldn't do it as well, or as long. I don't know why._

_So one day - I rose against my maker. I shouldn't have been able to... I'm a fledgling vampire, and he had been undead for a century. And more importantly, the bond between 'Sire' and 'childe' as they call it (pretentious twats) is supposed to be inviolable._

_But I didn't believe that. I explored and experimented, to see what could weaken him... or weaken our bond. I broke into a cabal library... found a centuries-old tome, and pieced together a plan. And - well, I couldn't stick to it. I was so infuriated by being in his presence, I snapped and severed the bond. So I could do what I liked to him. And I *did*... it was a *very* messy, very bloody demise, I can tell you. But word got out to the cabal... and they were *furious* with me, darling... Not only had I broken one of their sacred laws, but I also had the secret which could destroy their hierarchical society._

_So they've been after me ever since..." I tap the cigarette in the ashtray, and hold it out to you. I look closer at you, and your face is suddenly very pale._

_"Are you feeling alright, Sebastian?" I ask with concern. "Do you need some soup?"_

 

 

Soup?

"No... but I do need a drink. Can I...?" I reach for the rum bottle, and you release it this time. I take a deep swig.

Wow. Right. Lots there.

"So - you rebelled against the guy who made you a vampire using some old forbidden knowledge. And so, you are now a fugitive vampire chased by some cabal, which is like - a pretentious group of old vampires. Supposedly very deadly. And you managed to escape them - how? With your criminal organization, cunning, regular movement?"

You nod.

"Wow."

I shake my head, then start grinning.

"What?" you ask.

"Nothing, just..." I grin wider.

"What!?" you ask suspiciously.

"It's just so _typical_. That the one guy I fall in love with is probably the most dangerous to know man in London. Fucking adrenaline junkie..." I chuckle. I really don't see what else I can do.

"Wow. Jim, that's - quite the story. And - I applaud you, for standing up to them. You don't strike me as the type to quietly sit back and do what others tell you, especially not a bunch of pompous twats like those, but it does sound like it took some serious balls, genius, and fighting conditioning.

And - telling me this - when you hardly know me - that's really - shows a lot of trust. Thank you."

 

 

_I wave this aside. "You showed a lot more trust coming back here, Sebastian..." My hand curls around the back of your neck and I draw you close to me for a kiss._

_Which I promptly break off as I realize what you've said._

_"I'm so selfish... I didn't even think of the risk it could pose for you... I'm just so used to staying one step ahead of them, I didn't consider..." I look at you for a long moment. "I understand if you think it's too dangerous... You shouldn't have to take that risk on. Maybe you should just go, and forget me..."_

_I can't keep my soldier? My Sebastian??_

_I will *not cry*..._

 

 

“Nonono! That’s not what I meant!” I say, shocked. “I meant it more as in Lord Byron -

Look - I am the son of a Lord who is not above a bit of bribery and old boys networking. I’m not dumb. I went to Eton, Oxford, did well enough. I could have got any cushy job I wanted.

Instead, I quit uni and joined the army. Applied for the special forces, got in, specialized in demolition. Then retired and became an assassin.

What does that tell you about my risk aversion?”

 

 

_*Special forces*... *demolition*... *assassin*..._

_The words float around my mind, echoing... *glowing*..._

_"That you're a fucking adrenaline junkie? As if falling in love with the vampire who nearly killed you didn't give you away, darling..."_

_Tears successfully held back, I grin at you._

_"Well... if it's danger that you like, it follows me like a ravenous wolf. They've been quiet lately, but I'm sure they're doing their very best to hunt for me... too bad the one vampire who could have led them to me was fed into an industrial-sized shredder. I even took pictures of it for them! But I take it they weren't impressed..."_

_I lay my head on your shoulder. "I'm - very fortunate to have found you, Sebastian. I know that. What else would you like to know, sweet knight?"_

 

 

I'm relieved you don't seem to think that you are too dangerous for me.

"I would like to state for the record that I didn't fall in love with you _because_ you are dangerous. I mean - Richard did not look like the epitome of peril to me. But - it doesn't scare me off. Though - I have to admit, seeing you - I probably wouldn't stand a chance if I came up against a vampire. Do bullets work on you? I mean you, vampires, not you personally. I'm sorry, it does seem like I'm constantly enquiring how to kill you. I assure you I intend to do no such thing. Though to be fair, you know all about how to kill me...

Silver bullets?"

 

 

_I stare at you for a long time._

_Trust him like he's trusted you, Richard whispers._

_"I'm about to break a big fucking rule, Sebastian... not just the cabal's rule, but my own. Here's how you kill a vampire..."_

_I stand and begin to pace. "Popular culture is actually pretty good about this, so someone must have spilled the beans. At different points in time, because some of these became known earlier, and some later..." I begin to tick off on my fingers._

_"Something pointy through the heart. Beheading. Fire - but really, anything that fully destroys the body, so it can't heal. A bomb would do the trick, too._

_Garlic is a non-issue. Forget holy water and crucifixes. That's Christian bullshit._

_Silver, that's an interesting one... current films and books have been all about silver. Well, it won't kill us, but it will *weaken* us. Silver nitrate, however... I've discovered that can burn us, and enough of it will burn us away entirely. Don't ask how I figured this out. I've been trying to modify different types of weapons to use with silver nitrate, with varying degrees of success._

_So you think you wouldn't stand a chance against a vampire... but you're an assassin with a military background, and some pretty juicy secret knowledge about their weaknesses."_

_I sit down and sling an arm around you. "Are you rethinking killing me? I make a much cuter boyfriend than a pile of char and ash."_

 

 

"I'm thinking of how to protect you, to tell you the truth..." I say, pondering.

"So - something pointy through the heart - would a bullet work, if fired through the heart? The head? If you don't heal that quickly - if you take out, say, an eye, an area of the brain, would that incapacitate them? An incendiary round to make their head explode?

How does the silver weaken you?

Silver nitrate - could it be used as a poison? But then how to administer a poison to people who live on blood...

The thing is, I wouldn't want to get too close, so guns are the preferred weapon. I am confident I can kill any _human_ at close range - but I'm not too keen to try on your kind..."

 

 

_I blink at you. I thought you were thinking self-defence, not protecting me..._

_*Ohhh*..._

_"I don't think bullets work, and besides... you see how fast we are. Bullets have that cheery little sound to let us know they're coming. You could explode a head, but you'd have to make contact. But yes, if you manage to take out an eye or area of the brain, you could possibly incapacitate them. Just remember, we feel pain but we generally don't let that stop us."_

_I tilt my head as I think. "Yes, silver nitrate would make a good poison. At the very least, it would incapacitate us. I should show you the lab where I've been working on weapons..." I yawn, and crawl onto your lap._

_"But not today. Today is for you and me. I'd say we've earned a day of cuddles and vampire films. And... perhaps we'll find other ways to amuse ourselves..." I whisper into your ear, and kiss your neck._

 

 

Too fast for bullets? Then how on earth do you manage to get to them to decapitate or put a stake through the heart?

But then I'm distracted by a cute little vampire in my lap. Yes. Weapons are all very useful, but we're not in immediate danger, and we should get to know each other better...

"Sorry," I grin. "Soldier through and through - tell me about people and I'll be thinking about how to kill them. But you're more than right - we have _so_ earned a day of cuddles and vampire films. I suggest we have a shower first - we're a bit sticky..."

You smile, lead me to a bathroom, start up the shower. "Set it to the temperature you want... I don't have a preference," you shrug. I get under - it's perfect - and take the bottle of shampoo that's sitting there, squirt it in your hair, start washing it. A little bit of pink comes out, but not that much.

I look at the wound, and it looks like it's healing already - wow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If, like me, you are interested in exactly what happened with Stiles and his gun, you can read the story here:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/19282654


	9. One More Cup of Coffee

Your pleasure knows no limits  
Your voice is like a meadowlark  
But your heart is like an ocean  
Mysterious and dark

 

 

_My ears perk up. Shower? With Sebastian?_

_Yes, please..._

_Before I know it, you're *washing my hair*... *ohhhhh*... My eyes are closed, and I'm blissing out to the sensation of water, your hands on me, rubbing my scalp, the fragrant shampoo... and then I feel your fingers probing... are you checking my wound?? My *sweet* soldier..._

_I open my eyes. "Everything alright?"_

_You nod in amazement, and I grin. "Told you I heal fast..."_

_You lather me up with conditioner next, and touch my nose with foam. I giggle despite my best efforts not to, and wipe the foam off._

_"Silly. Now let me do *you*..."_

_Now it's your turn for your eyes to close, and you bend down so I can reach. I get to admire your wet naked body, and *holy fuck*, you are *so beautiful*..._

_Too bad about human stamina... I'll have to wait for a bit before I can pounce on you again..._

_I eye your cock mournfully._

_*Want*..._

_I hear a throat being cleared._

_I look up and your eyes are open. You give me a lazy smile._

_"Oh, I'm sorry. You're waiting for conditioner, aren't you..." I say innocently._

 

 

Getting a bit distracted there, my insatiable vampire? Well, I'm sorry, but _someone_ drained me of rather a lot of blood recently, and now I'm not _quite_ as quick to recover as I usually am.

"Do I look like I use conditioner?" I ask, as I pull you close. "That's for beautiful soft hairs like yours... not rough straw like mine. I was more thinking of using that body wash on your beautiful body..."

I reach for the bottle, push some on my hands, and spread it over your smooth skin. It's such a delight to feel my hands glide without resistance over your supple sleek body... I cover your chest, move against you, enjoy our torsos slithering together as I rub my hands over your back. Your muscular arms, twining my fingers with yours... your pert bottom... moving down, I wash your legs, your feet...

Oh look what is at a perfect height while I'm down here...

I smile up at you, duck a little, lift my face, lick the underside of your cock while my foamy hands play with your balls.

 

 

_God, your hands on me feel like a *dream*... a sweet, delicious dream that I never want to wake up from..._

_One thing some vampire films got wrong is to see us as seductive, but non-sexual creatures. As I understand it, our power comes from crossing back to life from the realm of death. So we're not quite living, but not quite dead... and sexuality doesn't go away, it just has that tinge of the underworld to it. So if anything it gets *more* intense... and a lot more fucking dark._

_Which I like... *very* much..._

_And I suspect you'll like experiencing it too, at my hands..._

_But all thoughts of intensely hot, dark sex with you are pushed aside, when you're down on your knees and your tongue is on my cock._

_*Ohhh, god*... *Sebastian*..._

_I touch the wall for support, moaning._

 

 

Oh yes... _You_ are not affected by blood loss, that is clear...

The back of my mind wonders how it works for you - do you have more blood when you've fed and less when you're hungry? Like with people, I suppose - blood is sustenance for you, it doesn't go directly into your bloodstream like with a transfusion.

The front of my mind is occupied with this gorgeous gorgeous cock. Proudly erect, a slight curve to it, masculine beauty personified, like a marble statue come to... not quite life.

I lick around it as the shower keeps raining on us, let my mouth fill with water that I then let flow over you, lick playfully as my hands keep playing, finally close my mouth over your head and suck you in.

God, this feels good... on my knees in front of my dark prince, who is moaning in delight at my ministrations...

I give a little moan myself, making you shiver.

 

 

_Oh god..._

_Oh *god*..._

_You are *gifted* at this... I've never been with *anyone* like you._

_You're so... oh..._

_"Darling," I gasp. "If you wanted to ever leave, you should *not* have shown me what you can do. You're *not going anywhere*..."_

_I hear you chuckle, and this makes me shiver even more._

_"What's so funny? I'm not joking, you big lump..."_

_This makes you snigger even louder._

_"I'm not-" My protest is swallowed by moaning, and my head falls back as you increase your pace and intensity._

_Oh - god - *SoAmazingSoAmazingFuuuuck*..._

 

 

Hmmm, so you don't approve of my tarting around, but you _do_ enjoy the skills I picked up...

And apparently that means I'll be your prisoner from now on... well, I can't say that there's anywhere I'd rather be, for now.

I look up at you and you look majestic... really like a prince of the night. Those majestic brows, chiselled cheekbones, stubbled jaw, your lips slightly parted in a pout, black hair slick against your head... Fuck, you're so incredibly beautiful... no wonder you don't have to trade on your vampire charm, anyone would follow you anywhere, whether you are sweet shy adorable Richard or haughty imposing dark Jim...

I wonder what you were like before you became a vampire. You must have been quite something, to already have your own criminal network at 25...

You are starting to quiver, moan quite loudly, your balls are tightening...

Any moment now...

I keep the rhythm, use my tongue, my lips...

 

 

_This will be my first time coming in your mouth, and it's so - fucking - amazing - you're - so - fucking - amazing - oh *GOD* -_

_I'm pressed against the wall of the shower, making sounds like a porn star... and then, like a dying porn star..._

_and then I'm a dying star, expelling my cosmic materials, entering into death throes._

_I dimly remember my love affair with astrophysics, the violent beauty of the dying star breathing its last breath..._

_and then I'm thinking of nothing as I shiver against your mouth, gasping and moaning._

_You make me *breathe* again..._

_You make me *breathe*..._

 

 

Reward.

Your moans, your groans, your spasms are becoming stronger and stronger and there we go...

I swallow your seed. It tastes delicious. - I'm not sure what I had expected? It's - a bit less hot than usually, I guess. I lick and suck as you gasp and whimper and shudder gratifyingly.

I absolutely love sucking cock - I love sitting on my knees giving another pleasure, but with you it's a whole new dimension. Hearing your pleasure is not just a reward for a task well performed, not just hot as fuck, but it makes my heart glow with happiness, to give you such pleasure...

Fuck, I'm in deep...

 

 

_I'm holding myself up to keep from sliding down the bathroom wall and landing in a heap. My legs are trembling..._

_All of me is trembling._

_Which is *so strange*... vampires are powerhouses unless they haven't eaten or rested sufficiently. But this is something else entirely... you're making me feel... almost human._

_It's not even alarming, like it would be with someone else... I decide I like it._

_"Oh god, Sebastian..." I murmur. "I don't know how you did it, but I feel like I'm going to keel over. Vampire strength officially sapped. Can you help me out of the tub, or I'm joining you on the bathtub floor... Oh... I still have conditioner in my hair..." I stare down at you, flustered at how dazed I feel._

_I'm the height of elegance and darkness..._

_I'm a bloodsucking fiend..._

_I'm a trembling vampire with foamy hair, and I'm. Completely. Smitten._

 

 

I grin like the cat who got the cream - quite literally.

I stand up, wrap my left arm around you, use my right hand to wash the conditioner out of your hair. It's funny - you are so small and light, it's so easy to feel that I am the big strong soldier supporting you, but you're stronger than I am... Except you're not now; you're trembling slightly and I'm holding you up, and I feel strong and protective and supportive...

I kiss your lips, so soft, so velvety, so dreamy...

I'm getting a bit unstable on my feet myself, I fear.

 

 

_Oh... there's something about you holding me up, being so protective..._

_I really, really like it. In fact, it's making me want to swoon..._

_Of course, this is a non-issue... I love the thought of you being protective of me, but I'll always be stronger than you. It's just a fact of life._

_You're pressing your lips softly against mine... pressing me against the wall._

_"Oh... Sebastian..." I murmur against your lips._

 

 

Mmmm, that voice... soft, dreamy...

I turn off the shower and you grab us both a towel. We towel ourselves and each other off, whispering and giggling - god, I feel so light and cheerful; everything is beautiful and interesting - is this what being in love is like? It’s been so long...

You offer me another beer, get yourself another rum and coke, and we’re snuggling on the sofa, you with your feet up, resting in my arms - you fit so perfectly, like I was chiselled specifically to accommodate you - maybe I was...

“What would you normally be doing now, after you finish your hunt? Is it a Twilight marathon every night?” I ask. I want to know all about you... not vampires in general, just you.

 

 

_"Not *every* night..." I snigger, then look up at you. Oh. You really want to know... how unusual to be asked something about myself. How *sweet*..._

_"Depends... I read a lot. The things I never had time for in life... astrophysics. Quantum theory." I speak the words lovingly, and see galaxies swirling in front of my eyes. "But I've been watching films and TV, too. It's like - still being connected to the world, somehow. Which is funny, because I wanted nothing to do with the world when I was human. There's something about being ripped away from it against your will... like, you'll never get over what you lost..."_

_*Pain*. It still gets to me. Killing my maker was too good for him... I should have made him suffer far worse..._

_I pull myself out of my thought-current. This is not a moment for fury._

_You pull me closer, making a reassuring sound. I close my eyes briefly, leaning against you._

_I'm not used to support. I'm not used to comfort._

_Please... Don't show me what it's like and then take it away..._

 

 

“What did you lose?” I ask. “I’m sorry if that’s too intrusive, I didn’t mean...

But - from what you said it doesn’t seem that you lost stuff you had in life? You still have your business, you can still do - enjoyable things like eating and drinking and having sex,” I smile at that one, “and - you are immortal, as good as, and immensely strong - it seems an overall win? So - what am I missing?”

 

 

_I consider this. “Well, if you’d been through it, you would understand... It was traumatic, and then after I killed my maker I had to fend for myself and figure things out on my own to survive. I already did that as a human before I turned 18!”_

_Shut up, Jimmy, shut up..._

_“It seems like you can experience being turned differently, but what happened for me is it brought out feelings I thought had died a long time ago. And I felt... sad. I was alone as a human, by choice... but somehow being along as a vampire felt different. I didn’t choose it, and I don’t want to be alone eternally... I’m pretty much alive out of spite, or I would have enjoyed my final day in the sun by now. I want to destroy the cabal. The only reason they’re still around is I haven’t been in a good place emotionally...” I laugh and cover my face with my hand. “Even hearing myself say that sounds ridiculous. *God*... the brooding vampire... could I be any more *ordinary*?” I look at you. “Well, except for the killing my maker thing, learning ancient vampire secrets and plotting to destroy the cabal. And you’re right, there are some cool things about it...” I grin at you. “Being a terrifying bad-ass is fun, I won’t lie...“_

 

 

Hearing you say all this makes me sad... you sound so lonely, so... bleak.

And I think I can understand that - being alone as a human is - alright. I never had a problem with it. Well, until this weekend. But being alone _eternally_... sounds quite a bit more scary.

I never looked at death as a comfort. But I guess it is, in a way - knowing that whatever you do, life is short and you make of it what you can, and then you die, game over. If they tell you 'here you go, you can live forever if you don't do anything too stupid' - that does sound kind of intimidating. All of a sudden you have _eternity_ to fill...

I pull you closer, kiss your hair.

"You're not alone any more..."

 

 

_I haven't summarized it like this for myself... it's strange to hear it out loud, given that I never talked about myself, ever, ever..._

_what is it about you that makes me open up? I wouldn't have opened up like this as a human..._

_I picture myself, the great Jim Moriarty, talking about my feelings with a cute blond soldier after one night together..._

_*Fuck*, no... what a laughable thought..._

_As a vampire... I'm going against my concealing nature, but this feels like my only opportunity to be heard... to be *known*..._

_The cold darkness of eternity has left its black mark on me._

_And then I hear you say it..._

_"You're not alone any more..."_

_And I stare at you, my face scrunched up like I'm in pain. I rest my head against your chest, and my arms slide tightly against you._

_I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, I *will not cry*..._

 

 

Oh - should I not have said that?

You look so - oh god Jimmy -

I pull you close into my chest, because you look like you are trying desperately not to let me see you cry, and I want to give you the opportunity to hide your tears.

I don't know - isn't it very early to say this? Isn't it ridiculous to say this, since in the face of forever I will only be with you for the blink of an eye, regardless of how long we stay together?

That thought makes me sad...

I mean, usually, I seem to understand, not that I have much experience of this, but usually, people fall in love, and think of staying together their entire lives as the ultimate goal. Till death do us part. Not that many of them make that. But even if we were to stay together till death do us part, it will only be a brief moment at the start of your life... or unlife, as you call it. You will get attached to me, and then I will get older, and you won't. You may tire of me, want a younger specimen. Or you may be so very attached to me that you stay, and then you'll have to see me weaken and die, like in Highlander.

Damn.

(Eh... Sebastian?)

... what...

(Not to be annoying, or anything, but _can you stop the fucking star-cross'd lovers bullshit - you've just fucking met._ )

Well so had Romeo and Juliet.

( _Not_ a good example.)

I guess...

Anyway, I have a sweet sad vampire on my lap, and I'm not quite sure how one cheers one of those up. I just stroke your hair, wait until you are ready to come back up. I have all the time in the world... despite being the mere mortal.

 

 

_Ah, fuck... I didn't mean to do this._

_I sniffle, and wipe my eyes._

_"Fuck," I mutter. "I'm still getting the hang of feelings as it is, and - everything that's happened between us has been rather intense. I'm not usually a weepy mess... quite the opposite, actually."_

_I look up at you, self-consciously._

_"You didn't come back for a sob story..." I smile at you, my eyes gleaming. "You came for cuddles and Twilight and... wherever that may lead..." I say innocently. "Are you hungry? I can order food..."_

_Suddenly I remember you're still recovering from the other night. Shit._

_"Oh - how are you feeling?? I can't believe I didn't ask...Did you have dinner, darling?" I fuss, caressing your hair._

 

 

Look at us both. The fearsome prince of the night and the elite soldier. I grin.

But I’m loving this new side of you - am loving every side I’ve got to see so far; sweet shy Richard, dominant hot Jim, the scary strong fast vampire, the sad lost little boy...

I wonder how many other sides you have...

Oh yes there’s the ‘if you hint at ever having known anyone else or leaving I’ll throw a hissy fit’ side. Less impressed with that one. But hopefully that’ll get less.

“I’m absolutely fine, my sweet...” glowing at the darling...

“I had dinner, yes, fish and chips. I don’t need food, thanks... maybe some water would be a good idea. I’m feeling all this beer.”

You get me a big bottle of water and I drink from it deeply - hadn’t quite realized how much beer I’d been drinking. On a depleted bloodstream... I yawn.

Nonono - no sleeping yet!

“Could I have some coffee, you reckon?”

 

 

_I feel unhappy about not feeding you... After all, I didn't *see* you eat the fish and chips, did I? But I don't think I can force you to eat a meal... can I? No... I don't think couples force each other to do things... Wait, are we a couple now??_

_"What?" I ask, distracted._

_"Coffee - could I have some?" you ask._

_"Coffee. Oh. Yes, I'll make some for you... Black like your soul?"_

_You smile at me. I remember the poignancy of learning how you take your tea... just two nights ago, before everything fell apart._

_Am I feeling triggered by making a caffeinated beverage??_

_Oh, that is *it*... we're getting off this maudlin train now._

_I wrap my arms around you, and kiss you deeply. By the time I'm done, your eyes are glazed over._

_"Don't fall asleep, Sebastian..." I whisper. "One black coffee coming right up."_

_I gaze into your eyes, kiss you again, and hop off the sofa. I head to the kitchen, looking back at you with a seductive smile._

 

 

That was... one hell of a kiss.

How is it hotter to kiss someone whose body temperature is cooler? Is that paradoxical?

I don't know what happened, but you took my breath away, and I'm sitting on the sofa half-dazed as the sound of the kettle comes from the kitchen.

Hmmmm, I think I may have recovered enough... Would you? You seem to recover quite quickly... this vampire thing does have its advantages...

You come back with a cup of strong black coffee. It smells delicious, but your look almost makes me forget I wanted anything else than… that...

Your black eyes with their hooded brows staring into me, looking like they can see my soul, and want to devour every cell of my body in order to get to it...

Your hand, so strong, so pale, veins moving as you hand me the cup - that by now almost familiar current as your finger touches mine...

You sit down, looking at me, and I realize I'm holding my breath, let it out. The air between us has become supercharged.

 

 

_I look at you, then crawl onto your lap. I pluck the coffee cup from your hand, and place it on the table._

_"Where were we?" I murmur, and slide my arms around you._

_I kiss you with urgency._

_You're here... you're *here*... back on the sofa, back in my arms..._

_My legs move around your waist._

_"Mmm. I should let you drink your coffee..." I say, staring up at you through my eyelashes. My lips return to yours and kiss you hungrily._

 

 

Coffee? What?

All I can feel is your legs around me, your arms around me, your lips on me... Jim, Richard, my beautiful vampire, my hot prince...

My body is warm enough for the both of us; I feel like I'm on fire, want to touch you everywhere, all over, all the time...

I feel a stirring in my groin, oh yes, I'm definitely recovered...

I moan against your lips, feel a responding pressure against my belly as you shift.

 

 

_I break off the kiss to gaze into your eyes and rock gently against your pelvis._

_"I think I saw some biscuits in the pantry..." I say innocently._

_My lips press against your neck._

_"Beautiful Sebastian..." I murmur into your skin._

_Your head falls back, and I kiss up along your throat and under your jaw._

_God, that feeling of surrender is dizzying..._

_"I want you to feel you naked and underneath me..." I whisper fiercely. My hand clasps your jaw, and I kiss you hard._

 

 

Lips against my neck, still sore from the bite... You licking the puncture wounds makes me shiver slightly... but in a good way...

Kissing everywhere, such intense sensations; your lips, your tongue, your teeth softly scraping but not biting...

But I'd let you... god, I'd let you do anything...

Baring your neck to a vampire, you must be mental, Moran, but it feels so good... a slight sucking kiss makes gooseflesh break out from my toes to the top of my head... my hair must be standing on end by now...

_'Naked and underneath me...'_

Oh _god_...

And then you grab me and claim my mouth demandingly, and I melt... _god_ , you don't have to say much, do much...

I've had partners who go through all the dressing up, tying up, dressing down, and it still feels like an empty act - but you - you have an aura about you that just makes me want to fall to my knees open-mouthed, want to serve you, adore you - you are a god in human form, and I don't know if it's a side effect from the vampirism or if it is just _you_ , but god... your voice, soft as the sheen on steel, makes me shiver, your hands, so strong and precise...

Yes, tell me how you want me and that's how I will be, forever...

 

 

_My legs tighten around you, and I grind against your pelvis._

_"I'm sorry, Sebastian. Twilight will have to wait. You have *real* vampire sex in your immediate future. Not a wedding night with a sweet, sparkly *vegetarian*..." My voice grows rough. "But you can take it, can't you, darling..." I lick your neck, making you shiver. "My *big* - *strong* - *beautiful* - *soldier*..."_

_Caressing your hair, I kiss you feverishly. Then my fingers tighten in your hair as I pull your head back._

_"Take me to the bedroom," I order._

 

 

You're moving against me - definite interest there - my cock twinges with longing for you, trying to get out of its constraining material.

I can take it - I can take _what?_ Are you going to bite me again? Why does that thought fill me with anticipation, rather than trepidation? I should have more time to regain my blood... though just a little won't hurt... but how much is just a little?

Never mind, you're licking me and calling me your big soldier and that switches off any thought that might have considered crossing my mind.

Then - my head pulled back - oh god this is it, you're going to bite me again -

No.

An order.

 

Oh.

I thought I wasn't good with orders.

I rebelled against them always - from my father, from army officers, from 'dominant' partners - I could never take them seriously. Who the fuck were they to order me, they were ignorant, stupid, weak, insignificant...

But _you_.

God, _you_.

No raising your voice. No artificiality. No roughness, no affection. Just a simple statement of what is going to happen. No hesitation - it's not even a consideration that I might say 'no' or 'walk yourself' or laugh.

So simple. So effective.

So fucking hot.

My arms wrap around your thighs and I stand up. You are so light... even in my current non-optimal state I carry you easily, walk you to the bedroom - this bedroom, so many memories... I've had sex with three different sides of you here, each one delicious... which one will I get now?

 

 

_Ohhh, I love being carried by you. I feel like a feather in your arms..._

_You look at me, and I gesture with my head to put me down._

_I begin to circle you slowly. "Strip," I say softly._

_I watch as you swallow, and remove your clothing, tossing it the floor._

_I hold out my arms. "Now strip me..."_

_You do, slowly pulling off my t-shirt. Then you kneel on the floor and pull off my trousers, while I lean on you for support. You look up at me, your hands skimming along my white boxer briefs. Your fingers tighten on the fabric, and you pull them down firmly. I look down at you, my hands on your shoulders._

_And then we're both naked - me standing, you kneeling before me._

_We could be a painting... we could absolutely be a painting..._

_"Sebastian," I breathe. "Kiss me..."_

 

 

You’re _circling_ me, like a predator deciding where to strike, and I feel my throat go dry.

_Strip._

My clothes go, as I stare into those eyes, god those eyes, so dark and deep... and I’m naked before you, with those eyes staring through me, stripping me even barer. I have never felt more vulnerable or more beautiful under a gaze.

Then I’m revealing your beauty - that pristine moonlight skin next to my marked and tanned one, like unveiling an alabaster statue for a private viewing, breathtaking...

Your trousers, those strong supple legs, with me kneeling before you, of course -

And then you are naked, and I am kneeling in front of you, and it’s like it’s always been like this; across time, across worlds, I will find you, you will find me, and you will order, and I will kneel, and the world will be in balance.

I look up into the black, black depths of your eyes, waiting for your next order.

 _Kiss me_...

Do you want me to get up and kiss your mouth? Or do you want me to kiss the bit that I’ve just revealed? I don’t know - mild panic - I want to do everything absolutely right -

 

 

_Why are you waiting? Why are you - panicking?_

_*Oh*._

_Like a knight before a King... you're waiting for my command._

_You've already called me your prince... what would it take to become King?_

_The thought floods my mind - *crush the cabal*... and let the remaining cabals see what happens if they think to rise against Jim Moriarty._

_My eyes flash, and yours widen as you see the unearthly glow._

_"Sorry, darling! I just realized how much I want to destroy my enemies... thank you for helping me feel like myself again. Rise, my beautiful knight..."_

_Elegantly I extend my hand, and the painting comes to life._

_As you rise to your feet, I smile adoringly up at you, and draw you to me._

_"Plenty of time for razing my enemies later... tonight is for you and me." I murmur. "Now give me your sweet lips, Sebastian..."_

 

 

Your eyes flash like a cat’s - wow - that’s stronger than I’ve seen them so far...

and you look angry - shit, I’ve messed up already...? No, it’s not with me - good.

You want my kiss on your lips... your soft, smooth, gentle lips...

Your eyes close, as do mine, and my hands move over your skin, so sleek, sliding over the perfect curves of your muscular back. Your chest touches mine and I moan...

 

 

_The current moves through us again as we touch... as we kiss, as you moan..._

_Mmm..._

_*Sebastian*..._

_My tongue slides into your mouth..._

_You open your lips to let me in..._

_The old adage about needing to invite vampires in crosses my mind..._

_My hands slide down your strong hard back, down your muscular arse..._

_I cup your cheeks, and pull you firmly against me._

_I break off the kiss, and stare at you hard._

_“On the bed. Facing the headboard. *Kneel*.”_

_You stare back at me, your lips parted._

_I caress your cheek. “Now, Sebastian,” I whisper._

 

 

Your tongue in my mouth, sleek, moist, exploring its new territory...

Closeness - and a _look_ \- I nearly gasp; as it is I’m standing there staring at you open-mouthed, and another order is given.

I want to move, but am briefly incapable... I’m so trapped and lost in your gaze...

_Now, Sebastian._

A mere whisper, but a cutting edge to it sharper than a razor -

it helps to jar me out of my stupor, and I move - it feels desolate to remove my hands from you, to stop looking into your eyes, but a shiver of pleasure moves through me as I imagine what you will do to me when you have me kneeling on your bed...

I get onto it, grasp the top of the headboard, that I’d been tied to so long ago - was that only two nights ago? - wait for you...

 

 

_I stare at you as you follow my command... your broad shoulders, your powerful back, your beautiful arse..._

_I continue to stare as I pick up the discarded belts from the bedside table. I climb onto the bed. Place one hand on a post, loop the belt around, and tighten with a snap of stiff leather._

_Repeat with the other hand. *Snap*._

_I press my body against yours._

_"I love seeing you like this..." I say softly into your ear. "Naked, trussed up... mine to do with as I please... But I'm going to need better equipment to do everything I want..."_

_I move back like quicksilver and whip your arse with a belt._

_You groan, and I caress your reddening cheek._

_I whip the other cheek._

_This time, I bite it - not with fangs, but enough to hurt._

_"*God*, Sebastian," I murmur. "You have the sexiest fucking body I've ever seen..."_

_I move back and study it. "It's a work of art... it just needs... a few more strokes..."_

_I don't go at full vampire speed, and I don't thrash as hard as I could... but I do leave you gasping and moaning._

_And no human could do what I just did. Or what I'm about to do._

_I press against you again, grasping your arse and licking your neck. "Mmm... you're all stripy... like my very own tiger..."_

_I slide my erection in between your arse cheeks and push against you. "I'm going to fuck you like I own you, Tiger..." I breathe._

 

 

Again, I am tied to the headboard, your voice in my ear, whispering promises of possession - yours, of course I am yours, to do with as you please...

and what will be your pleasure? How will you use my body, tied and ready for you... so ready... I’m shivering with anticipation, longing for you, your touch, your pain, your words, your hunger...

I don’t have to wait long - you move like lightning and a line of fire burns into my skin. Inadvertently I pull on the belts, but the loops are solid, I’m securely secured...

The other cheek, followed by your teeth, sharp pain heightening my ecstasy; your words, approval, admiration...

exploding pain, everywhere, my back, my arse, my thighs; for a few crucial moments nothing else exists, just you and your pain, my nails digging into the wood of the headboard, my willpower forcing me to stay still and take it, my arousal swept up to incandescence by the fire on my skin...

And then you are on me, directly touching the fiery stripes, cooling them, calling me your tiger, saying you’ll fuck me like you own me, and I moan at those words, nearly come there and then - yes, you own me, of course you do...

“Please,” I pant. “Please, Sir, fuck me... of course you own me, your knight, your tiger, your anything - yours...”

 

 

_I make a pleased purring sound, nuzzling the side of your face, rubbing my cock against you._

_"Ohh, you're surrendering to me, then?" I murmur. "You have no idea how this pleases me, darling..."_

_*Ohhh!!* My very own Tiger..._

_*Down, Richard*... now is not the time for adorable bouncing and cuddling._

_Now is the time for making this Tiger *yours* - after all, didn't he just offer you his leash in his teeth?_

_Jesus, that's hot. I really do need to order a few things..._

_I lean over to pick up the lube, and coat my cock with it before doing the same to your entrance._

_"What does one do with one's very own Tiger?" I ask innocently, withdrawing my finger and replacing it with the head of my cock. "Ah - yes - "_

_I breathe, and push into you._

_"I remember this from before..." pushing in deeper "It's all coming back to me... this amazing arse..." pushing in deeper still "You know if you're offering me your arse, I'm going to claim it..."_

_I reach around you, and grasp your cock. "And ohhh, this beautiful cock... the things it did to me... I'm claiming it, too..."_

_I slide my arm under yours and around your chest. "And this gorgeous powerful body... I'm claiming it now."_

_I am still for a moment, buried in you - my hand holding your cock, my arm holding you against me. I hear your breath catch in your throat, your heart pounding, the blood quickening in your veins..._

_"Sebastian... I claim you as my own."_

_I thrust into you, and stroke your cock._

_"I claim every part of you..."_

_thrust, stroke_

_"I claim *all of you*..."_

_thrust, stroke_

_"*I claim you*..."_

_thrustthrust, strokestroke_

_"Mine, my *Tiger*..."_

_I moan loudly, and begin to plunge into you with abandon._

 

 

Of course I am surrendering to you... was there ever a question?

But... this is going deeper than a simple bedroom game, and both of us are aware...

I have no idea what we are entering into, but I am too far gone to care, I just want to be yours, your possession, your property, your toy...

You’re pushing into me, and fucking hell, how does that get hotter every time? Your cock is absolute perfection, feeling so good as it’s entering me, not hesitating, taking what you want, taking me, taking your pleasure from me...

And your words. They are -

_claim_

Arse. Cock. Entire body.

Claimed.

_Sebastian... I claim you as my own._

I moan softly, at those words more than at the thrust of your cock inside me.

Why does that sound so final? And why does it feel like the realization of all my dreams?

Me. Sebastian Moran. Player. Independent. Lover and leaver. Free. Wild. Invincible.

All these things.

Until I saw two jet black eyes and a lopsided grin...

But I could have never given myself to Richard like this. I adored Richard, and I could have fallen in love with him, but he was a sweet bunny, not someone I would have kneeled for, except perhaps to help him tie his shoes.

But Jim without Richard...

Yes, I’d have kneeled for him, would have let him fuck me, thrash me, would have loved it - but how could I have loved him, when that was all he was, hot and sexy, but without feeling?

I need both... I’m falling deeper for both than I could ever have done for either; I’m surrendering to Jim so completely because Richard stole my heart when he told me such sweet things...

 

 

_I press my cheek into your hair. I breathe in your scent, musky and sweet._

_I hear the Richard side of me moan._

_My arm tightens around your chest, and I squeeze your nipples._

_My other hand is stroking you firmly, but not too fast because it wouldn't do for you to come first and you're so turned on... Your groaning and gasping is increasing in frequency and volume. It's making me unbelievably horny to hear your sounds, how do you make such beautiful sounds Tiger, oh god, never stop..._

_Never stop..._

_My face is buried in your hair now._

_Oh god, I want you so much..._

_For always. And I don't know what that means, just that I can't be without you..._

_Richard is swooning hard and crying out._

_"Come with me, darling..." I moan._

_I swipe my thumb over the head of your cock, and begin to stroke harder and faster._

_"Come for me, Tiger..." I growl, and bite the back of your neck._

 

 

 _Yes_ , I'm coming, for you, of course, all for you...

The feeling is so intense, it's almost overwhelming - all my muscles contract, the belts creak, an animal groan leaves my throat as my eyes screw shut.

All I feel is _you_ , you above me, inside me, around me, moving, touching, in perfect rhythm; your words - another command? The command to come? And how could I _not_ , when it is your wish? And then I feel you filling me up further, spilling into me -

The bed shakes with the intensity of my shudders, my nails scratch gouges into the wood of the posts, as wave after wave of ecstasy pounds through my body, almost too much, almost - oh fuck - oh god - _so good_ -

Sex has never been like this. It's been good, sure, but - this - this holistic sensation, where the entire body is involved as well as the mind and the heart and oh fuck, it's transcendent - world-shattering - I had no idea -

_Jim..._

 

 

_Yes yes *fuck yes*..._

_I pull you against me, against my thrusting cock._

_"*FUCK*," I cry out._

_"*YES*!"_

_I'm hurled over the edge into an orgasm so intense, it unleashes ungodly noises I've never heard before. My body is jerking against you, and I howl as I feel you shuddering against me, squeezing my cock as you come._

_I lose all sense of time, space, everything..._

_I lose everything..._

_There is only dim awareness of *youyouyou*..._

_After a moment or an eternity, an aftershock moves through me and I find myself collapsed against you. Your breath is coming hard and fast._

_"Tiger..." I whisper. "Fuck..."_

_I need to release you, I think dimly. Blinking, I pull out. And then I want to whimper at the loss of closeness. Fuck. With my head leaning on your damp back, I reach to each of your hands and release you from the restraints._

_I fall against the pillows and you fall next to me a moment later._

_We stare at each other, wide-eyed._

 

 

You are making as much noise as I am; that will teach the neighbour with the pounding house music...

Slowly I get back into my body from where I was floating, feel you collapsed on top of me, whispering 'Tiger...'

So that's my name now? I can live with that, I guess... I'd love to wear your stripes in perpetuity... growl at your enemies... roar out my climax when you fuck me like you own me...

You pull out, and it almost hurts - I want to feel you always...

You release my hands, and that too feels like a loss...

I want your restraints, I want your possession...

I collapse onto the pillow, feel my arms relaxing as they've been released, look at you -

Your eyes look huge. Black infinity stares back at me. I realize my eyes must look the same - my heart is racing and briefly I wonder why - what's happening...

Oh.

 

And in an echo of Richard, I open my mouth -

"You... felt it too?"

 

 

_Oh... god, yes._

_Memories flood back to me of when it was Richard saying it. This time it's you..._

_Does this mean you're not hiding from this anymore? This *thing* between us, this charge, this bond..._

_"Yes, Sebastian... I felt it. I feel it. I never stopped feeling it."_

_Even when I was angry... Even when I wanted to kill you._

_*Don't say that*._

_But that's what made me so livid (*pain*)... that I could feel something like this, and you would deny it._

_I touch your face lightly with my fingertips, kiss your lips._

_It doesn't seem like you're inclined to deny it now..._

_I hope._

 

 

"Neither did I... I didn't walk away because I didn't feel it... I walked away because I did - and it scared me," I confess.

"I... I guess this is new and alien to both of us... You've never been in love before, I was, once, as a teenager, and... it didn't end well.

You're a vampire, who deep down wants to drain me of blood; I'm a human, who is deeply fucked up... I'm sorry...

I guess this is going to be a bit more difficult than 'men are from mars, women are from venus'...

But... there's something between you and me... that I couldn't walk away from. I tried, and - I was a shell. I was stuck in a world of grey without meaning. What is that, Jim? If it's not your vampire glamour, if you feel it too... what _happened!?_ "

 

 

_What is this story of love that didn't end well? It seems to cut you deeply. Should I be jealous?_

_Not right now, anyway... it has an air of tragedy about it, more than just lost love..._

_No, Jim. *Not now*._

_I shrug helplessly. "I was hoping you would know... I don't know the first thing about love."_

_I touch your face again, this time leaving my hand on your cheek._

_"It's like... something clicked? Or slid into place," I say slowly. "Like... there was a space. An empty space. Like a void... And then..." I stare at you intently. "There you were... and everything felt right for the very first time. *I* felt right. What is *that*, Sebastian?"_

 

 

"Yes! That's _exactly_ what it felt like!" I say, happy that you have put it into words, that you _did_ feel exactly what I felt -

"All my life I've felt like - like I was searching for something, missing something... I was at school and I knew that wasn't what I was meant to do; then I went into the army, and that wasn't fulfilling either, so I joined the special forces, which demand that you give them _everything_ , and then some - and it wasn't enough - and then I left to freelance, but that was even _worse_...

And then I saw you, and it was like - like the world had always been in black and white, and all of a sudden I realized that colour existed, and I'd never missed it before, but now I'd seen it, I couldn't imagine being satisfied with the world without it any more..."

 

 

_"Yess..." I say, absorbed in thought. "I thought all I cared about was power, yes - money, yes - but really it was about being in an unassailable position where I could do whatever the fuck I wanted and nothing could ever hurt me again..."_

_(Oh. That was a little close, wasn't it? Stop dropping little hints about your past...)_

_"And I did it, and I still felt the same deep down. And anyway, it didn't amount to anything, because I still got hurt, didn't I? And then... you'd think if power, money, and not getting hurt were all that mattered, then being a vampire would be a bad-ass adventure. It wasn't. I felt worse than ever. Until one night..." I run my fingers down your arm. "One night... when everything changed..."_

_What is that feeling *now*? Am I feeling *shy*? God, if there's a softest vampire award, I'm sure to win this year, fangs down..._

 

 

Your face as you're saying this - 'nothing could ever hurt me again' -

oh god Jim who hurt you?! What happened to make you create a situation where nothing could touch you?

My stomach contracts at the thought of anyone hurting you - I want to kill them -

not helpful, Sebastian...

And then you were the most powerful person I've ever met, and still felt bad...

And I made you feel better?

Me?

I'm feeling flushed at this, like it's too much, but then I did just tell you that you made colour appear in my world...

"It does sound like we're both fucked..." I smile.

 

 

_I laugh. "Sounds like..."_

_I look at you slyly. "Such a shame... but I guess if we're fucked, then it doesn't matter what we do. Does that sound accurate, as someone who's deeply fucked up?"_

_I slide a leg over yours, lazily. "Really takes the pressure off, Sebastian... I feel *so* relieved..."_

 

 

I pull you close, your head on my shoulder, kiss your hair.

"On the one hand, yeah... on the other, I've finally found something I care about enough that it makes my world appear in technicolour, and I want to keep it... so yeah, it doesn't matter what we do, but let's try to keep us both alive?"

 

 

_I look up at you from your shoulder. You're so close... I like it._

_And my heart is swelling at your words._

_"The plan is to stay alive, then...?" I muse. "There's a thought! Sounds like madness, but - I'd do it for you." I smile at you, and slide my arm around your chest._

_I have never felt so safe..._

 

 

Oh - I guess you're not technically alive - but... you're alive enough for me. You don't seem upset by the word, anyway.

Damn. Here we are; Romeo and Juliet, Bella and Edward; despite being old enough to know better. Completely and utterly smitten and both willing to go the full drama boat of 'never felt this way', 'you complete me', and 'stay alive for you'.

Jesus.

I never would have considered myself the type - but going back on it, walking away from _this_ , is inconceivable. And not _only_ because you get homicidal if I hint at walking away...

I smile at you.

"We're like overdramatic teenagers in love, and it feels _so right_..." I purr, pulling you close.

 

 

_I beam. "We do have a mad, hormone-addled, adolescent air about us... I like it."_

_I cuddle against you. "Don't get in our way, world! We were dangerous before..."_

_I kiss your lips possessively. "Now I'm feeling... scarier."_

_I feel a glint in my eyes. "Yes. Scarier."_

_My fingers run through your hair. "Not towards you, Sebastian - you know that, right? Hurting you would be... hurting myself. It would be... not good." I shiver and move even closer to you._

 

 

"I know..." I say, as I pull you close. You are so light, so beautiful, so volatile, so vulnerable... Awe and protectiveness war to be the primary emotion, which makes for a heady cocktail.

My eyes are getting heavy - not now, eyes...

But it is getting near dawn, and I am still recovering from the blood loss... and somehow I didn't get to drink that cup of coffee you made.

"I'm sorry, Jim, I'm getting really sleepy..."

 

 

_Remembering, I cover my face with my hand. "I made you coffee and then I... oops." I bury my face in your neck. "Welll, I guess we'll just have to sleep, all cosy and snuggled up. Such a tragedy..."_

_I yawn. "I'll make you coffee tomorrow, and I'll even let you drink it... I'm just that sweet. Well, I am with *you*..." I kiss your face. "You made me sweet, Sebastian. I don't know how you did that..."_

 

 

“I didn’t... you were already sweet... I just insisted that you were, that it wasn’t an act...” I mumble, now getting really tired. Seeing your sleepy cute face makes me smile.

You switch off the light. Dawn has appeared, creeping around the curtains. There’s something lovely about going to sleep when the rest of London is waking up... my sleeping and waking patterns have always been irregular, and I guess dating a creature of the night will make it more nocturnal... no problem...

I sink into blessed sleep, with a painfully cute vampire curled up on my shoulder. This is the first time I really notice that you don’t breathe - it’s not as disconcerting as I’d expected...

... and then I don’t think anything else any more as blackness engulfs me.

 

 

_The last thing I remember thinking before falling asleep curled up against you is, *This* is what I want..._

_And then I fall forward into the black embrace of vampire sleep..._

_There are snippets of dreams..._

_Me making you coffee..._

_You making dinner, setting the table, pouring wine..._

_The scene shifts..._

_We’re in a dark old Victorian house at a long formal table._

_It’s dusk... the French doors are open, and the curtains are windblown..._

_I’m in a Victorian suit, a top hat..._

_You’re wearing an elegant white shirt... your shirt is spattered with blood..._

_I mean to ask you about the blood, but you give me a glass of wine, and make a toast to long life. I drink deep, gazing at you..._

_My eyes flash then I leap across the table and drag you to the floor..._

_You don’t fight me, you merely moan and surrender to it... your fingers tightening in my hair..._

_Then I stand slowly, staring at your pale body on the floor._

_My hand covers my mouth, and I weep red tears..._

_Then your eyes open... glowing white..._

_You rise with preternatural grace, and take my hand..._

_“My love,” you whisper. “At last we-“_

_I wake with a gasp._

 

 

I’m not used to having someone sleep beside me. Several times I wake up, unsure of where I am for a second, then remembering. The first time you are touching me, but the second you’ve moved away and you are so still - I startle when I touch your hand - oh yes, no, this is alright. He’s supposed to feel like that. I move to you and you do move when I pull you close, and I am relieved I have to admit - I know it’s silly, but I’m scared of losing you, alright?

The third time I wake it’s because you are gasping - I am wide awake immediately, reach for my gun - where’s my gun?! - shit, in my trousers - I dive towards them, am crouching next to the bed, my gun in hand, looking around for the danger -

You’re looking at me, puzzled.

Why are _you_ puzzled?! You’re the one who gasped!

 

 

_“What? What happened?” I demand, sitting up._

_“You tell me! You gasped!” you shout._

_“I had... a dream?” I say, perplexed. “If I have a nightmare, are you going to shoot me?”_

_“Fuck, Jim...” you pant, leaning against the bed, and lowering your gun._

_“Put the gun down, and just come here...” I wave you over._

_You come to bed, and I pull you towards me. Your heart rate is fast, which is to be expected... but evening out, also to be expected._

_“Morning, Sebastian! My, there’s never a dull moment living with a killer! I mean, not living with... you know what I mean...” Strangely flustered, I look at the time. 1 o’clock in the afternoon. I often rise later, but I don’t think I can get back to sleep after... that dream. And anyway, I don’t want to waste any time. I have no idea how long you’ll be staying... will you have to go to work?_

_“How about that coffee I promised you last night? And I can make you breakfast... I wouldn’t mind some bacon...“_

_You’re staring at me, and I start to feel self-conscious. “Do you - need to leave today?” I blurt out._

 

 

Well. Ok. But I’m not used to people gasping beside me in the middle of the... afternoon, am I? The last time people gasped beside me when I was sleeping was in the army and then you very much wanted to get your gun out just in case they weren’t sneakily rubbing one off in their sleeping bag.

I snuggle up to you. It’s so good seeing you when I wake up... you look beautiful in the light that comes around the curtains, your eyes for once not black, but hazel, with little flecks of emerald...

... oh yes. Coffee.

Do I need to leave today?

... no, but I do have to text Demmings. And the client, I guess...

“I do have a potential client that I told I was ill... so I guess I have to get in touch with him, see if he still wants to meet... “

 

 

_“OK...” I look at you for a long moment. If you leave, I suppose I can go find someone to eat._

_If you leave, I’ll be sad..._

_If you leave, will you come back right away? Or... what then??_

_I want to scream... I *hate* not knowing everything already. I *hate* someone else holding sway over how I feel. I *hate*..._

_Oh... you’re kissing my hair. Snuggly Tiger... so sweet..._

_“If you go... I want you to come back...” I blurt._

_Hello, Richard... you’ve decided to take over again, have you?_

_The Richard side of me sulks. Why play hard to get? I want him here, Jimmy..._

_Fuck... I really do..._

 

 

Aw, my sweet needy vampire...

Hearing you say that fills me with love and delight... you really want me around...

Is that wise though?

Oh hi mum. What are you doing in my head?

Being the voice of reason. You sometimes need one. Demmings isn’t always around.

Great. I’ve survived so far without reason, so let me be yeah?

Sebastian. Do you really want to have a whirlwind romance with a vampire? A possessive, jealous vampire, who is prone to anger when you so much as hint at leaving? Is that healthy?

_so sweet..._

Sebastian. It’s not sweet. It’s dangerous. What if you fall out of love? Or even just want to go for a drink in the afternoon and he can’t come? What if he gets into a fit and kills you?

... he wouldn’t.

Oh, and how do you know? From all the time you’ve spent with him? All the experiences you’ve had with his behaviour?

Shut up.

Sebastian. You’ve never listened to me, but you are really in danger here. You’ve always had a sixth sense about danger. Here it is, warning you.

I’m not leaving him.

I’m not saying you should. Just don’t get too involved too soon, maybe? See each other occasionally, go on dates?

...

I look at you. Remember how I felt spending two days without you.

“Do you want to get married then?”


	10. Super Psycho Love

Say you want me  
Say you need me  
Tear my heart out slow  
And bleed me

 

 

_*Yes*._

_Wait, *what* did you say?_

_I can barely hear over the combined white noise and sound of Richard shrieking at me._

_I stare at you longingly and open-mouthed._

_“Did you - just ask me -“_

_My mouth snaps shut, opens again._

_“*Did you*??”_

_My hands have grasped your shoulders._

_Then they slide around the back of your neck._

_“You did,” I say softly._

_One more eternal moment of gazing into your eyes._

_“You’re insane. I love you. *Yes*.”_

 

 

Oh.

Oh I didn't mean to say that.

I was just riling up my mum.

Who isn't here.

And - well - you seemed so sweet and lost and needing me and...

You are freaking out.

Well, of course you are.

I'm being ridiculous.

I was joking - kind of –

 

You said _yes?!_

 

What -

oh come _on_ –

 

I start giggling.

Wait –

 

you said you _love_ me!?

 

Of course you do - and I love you –

 

"Fuck it! Let's do it! Let's fly to Vegas and get married!!!" I laugh.

 

 

_I can’t help but giggle when you start giggling._

_“Vegas? Really??” I stare at you. “Well, they do have a crazy nightlife, don’t they... lots of drunk tourists...”_

_I grin at you. “Oh! Do you want to be married to James Moriarty? Or Richard Brook? I have both ID’s...”_

_I pounce on you, and knock you back onto the bed. I gaze down at you. “You have made me unbelievably happy. I swear I will never drink from you unless you say I can. I won’t take more than you want me to. And I won’t ever kill you, even if you leave. You have my word, Sebastian...”_

_I kiss you deeply and sigh. “I probably shouldn’t use those vows in front of the officiator, should I?” I grin._

 

 

I'm _so giddy_ , I can't stop giggling, cuddling you, laughing - I've never felt this happy...

(Sebastian. You're being -)

_Fuck off._

"You totally should. Those are some amazing vows. Eh, I don't think I can match that - let me think -

I swear I won't kill anyone you don't want me to kill. I swear I won't try to kill you. I swear I will try to kill anyone who wants to kill you. And I swear I will let you drink from me regularly.

Maybe also not the best vows to repeat in front of a registrar..." I giggle.

"I'll marry whichever you you want - if you're trying to hide, James Moriarty might not be the best ID to use, though it's totally the most badass name..."

 

 

_“True... *Oh my god*. That means you’re marrying Richard...” I collapse against you, giggling helplessly. “Perfect. The one who won your heart...”_

_My laughter slows down. “Yes, I know he’s me... no one else could have done what you did, Sebastian. Drew out the hidden sweetness in a psychopath, and a vampire... you saved yourself, and you saved me with you.”_

_I reach out with a trembling hand to touch your face. And then I beam at you. “I like your vows, baby...”_

 

 

"I love you, Jim..."

You've said it, I should say it as well - and we're getting _married_ , so I should _definitely_ say it...

My inner starry-eyed boy is clasping his heart at this - getting married to the most dreamy man I've ever seen...

There are other inner bits which want to file petitions, but I tell them I'm not a democracy and they can shut up.

I stroke your face, looking up at me, so happily...

"I think you saved me too, Jim... I don't know how much longer I could have kept searching..."

 

 

_“No more searching... we can save each other...” I say softly, and lie down with my head against your chest. I gaze at your face, and then I take your hand in mine and kiss it. I stare at our clasped hands. My small white one in your big tanned one, with the scars and scrapes. “God, I want to know every inch of you... I want to hear the stories to each and every scar...”_

_I murmur. “Oh! Rings! Sebastian, we need rings!!”_

 

 

My heart is pounding, it's never felt so light...

You are looking at me, kissing my hand - it makes me want to cry with happiness...

"I'm sure they sell rings in Vegas... We can get a night flight tonight - when we land, it will still be night - get a hotel, spend the day in bed, go to a chapel that does gay weddings - and we'll be Mr and Mr by tomorrow."

I've never been good at delayed gratification.

 

 

_My eyes widen. “You want to leave tonight??”_

_I giggle into your chest. “This - is - so - ridiculous! All right! Off we go to Vegas tonight! I’d better book flights soon, considering it’s only a few hours away!”_

_I grin at you. “Do you still want coffee and breakfast, my *betrothed*?”_

 

 

 _Betrothed!?_ OMG I'm your _betrothed_...

I inwardly _swoon_...

"Oh god we should invite my parents - dad will have an aneurysm -"

Probably best not. Though it would be fun to antagonize dad, mum may want to actually come and be disappointed if she can't make it, or ruin the fun if she can.

"Are your parents still around?"

 

 

_My smile slowly crumbles._

_If I had a living heart... it would crack._

_“My mam is... dead.” I swallow hard. “She died a long time ago. My father... if I ever see him again, his death will follow swiftly. Please don’t ask me to tell you, Sebastian. It’s an ugly story, and... not one to tell on someone’s wedding day...”_

_I chew my lip. God... I thought becoming a vampire was supposed to make you numb to the pain of your human life. Why does this still affect me??_

_“Do you have a good relationship with your parents, Sebastian? Oh no, your father is Lord Moran, of all the fuckwits... you would want *him* there??”_

 

 

Oh -

The moment I ask it, I realize that that is a stupid question to ask someone, if you don't know them very well... and it's not like you haven't hinted at a traumatized youth...

And indeed, your face clouds over - oh _fuck_ , Sebastian, you no-brained big-mouthed idiot...

I wrap my arms around you.

"I'm sorry, Jim... I shouldn't have asked - I'm sorry.

No more stupid questions - you're right - it's our _wedding day_...

No, I don't want my father there. I just want him to hear that I'm marrying a man and have a homophobic fit, and hopefully a heart attack to go with it.

I don't want anyone there. Just you, and whoever needs to be there to do the ceremony. "

I hold you close, hope your happiness about the wedding returns... despite your foolish tiger ruining it...

 

 

_“It’s fine... I’m fine. You didn’t know...” I say, trying to sound fine. My voice sounds more hollow than fine. Whatever. Get over it, Jim. You’re a vampire, for fuck’s sake... not a delicate little kitten. I wonder if my darling will want a cat. I want a beautiful husband who loves me and an adorable cat._

_This perks me up, and I hug you. “Well, we can call him on the way to the airport, if you want to upset him, darling. Or if it will annoy you too much to talk to him... we’ll courier him a framed photo - us at the chapel, newly wed?” I snigger. “Make a wedding announcement in whichever paper he reads... in his name? ‘Lord Augustus Moron is weeping with joy over the nuptials of his darling gay son and his sexy Irish lover... he wishes them every happiness and hopes they’re buggering each other senseless on their honeymoon. To my new son-in-law, I’d like to say - shag my boy rotten!’ What do you think?”_

_I try to keep a straight face, and I last a full three seconds before dissolving into laughter until bloody tears are leaking from my eyes. “Oh god - I’m sorry, Sebastian-“_

 

 

I'm crying with laughter, and so are you. It momentarily startles me to see the blood in your tears -

"You better not cry during the wedding ceremony... or we'll have to kill the registrar, and I'm not sure if that wouldn't invalidate the marriage..." I hiccup.

"Nah, he'd just give mum grief over it - did you know it was her soft and overindulgent upbringing that made me gay? Yeah, apparently that's what does it - I thought it was just an inborn fabulousness, but what do I know? I'm not a Lord... "

 

 

_I snicker into my hand, as you wipe my eyes. “I’d better bring tissues, just in case... god, the things you have to think of for a vampire wedding...”_

_I think about what you said, and my mouth tightens. “Well, he’s a fecking gobshite, and he always will be. Do you want to be the next Lord Moran soon, my darling? That could be arranged...”_

 

 

"Red kerchiefs, definitely..." I grin. "Oh - I don't have any suits on me - we'll have to drop by my apartment, I've got a nice one - not your 'generic bodyguard' suit, a tailored one. And I have a red tie - just need a red kerchief.

Don't worry about my dad. If I'd have wanted him dead, he would have been. As it is, I'm very fond of my grandmother - his mum. Much as she realizes he's a dick, she would still be very sad if he died. So he gets to live... for now."

 

 

_“Oooh, red kerchiefs... you *do* have inborn fabulousness, honey...” I grin. “I’ll wear a suit that goes with a red kerchief as well. Maybe a black tie for me with red accents. Red rose boutonnières?” I stare off, picturing it. “God, we’re going to be *gooorgeous*. Are you sure we can’t take a photo for your father?” I roll my eyes._

_I look over at you. “You and me against the world, darling?” I clasp your hand in mine, and press it against my chest._

 

 

"I have an inborn practicality," I grin. "If you're going to be wiping your tears with anything, it better be red or black.

And of _course_ we're going to be gorgeous. You _are_ gorgeous, and you wouldn't want to marry a husband who looks anything less..."

God, I'm floating - _husband!_ I'm going to be a _husband!_ I'm going to _have_ a husband, and what a beautiful one -

Wait -

Hold on -

\- till death do us part -

"Jim." I say.

Suddenly quiet. Serious.

Fuck. That's what I wasn't allowing myself to realize.

 

 

_Suddenly the smile drops from your face, replaced by a look of pain. You say my name and nothing else._

_"What's wrong, darling?"_

_You've grown pale. You open your mouth but no more words come out._

_"Sebastian??"_

_I stare at you, uncomprehendingly. Your hand is still clasped in mine. Why are you acting this way-_

_What could *possibly* upset you at this moment?_

_Deduce, Jim..._

_I don't think I want to... *NO*..._

 

 

"Jim - I... " Fuck.

"I love you. And I want to marry you. And I know you want to marry me. Rash though it may be, and I know there are probably like a thousand reasons why we shouldn't do this, and I shouldn't think of them, but -

Marriage is till death do us part, yeah? And you're - not going to die. That's just going to be me. Which is fine if I'm dying soon - but if I don't - I'm already seven years older than you, and that's only going to get more. If I grow old - you'll be a 25-year old with a 60-year-old husband.

You won't want that..."

I swallow.

 

 

_*No*..._

_I feel a prickle of tears in my eyes._

_"So. One more good thing about being a vampire..." I say, my voice bitter. I feel a single tear hit my cheek and it feels like a burning slap. "When you find the One, the man you've always been looking for, without even knowing it... the man you love, who loves you, who is sweet and beautiful and..." I choke back a sob. "...wants to protect you. Only - he can't protect you from the truth. That you're an aberration of nature. And that means you can only be with another aberration. Only you *don't want any of them*..."_

_Tears are flowing freely down my cheeks now, and I swipe at them angrily._

_"I've never met a vampire I've wanted to *be with*... I've never met *anyone* I wanted to be with! Only you!"_

_I feel your hand starting to slip from my grasp, and I seize it, and hold it against my lips._

_"I will want you no matter what," I say fervently. "No matter how old you are, no matter how you look... I want *you*, Sebastian!"_

 

 

"Jim! You're not an aberration of nature! You're beautiful and smart and - you're like one step ahead on the evolutionary ladder! And - I do want to be with you - always. I just - didn't think you'd want that... "

I kiss your cheeks, taste your tears - salty, but with an iron tang of blood in them.

I just want you... I just want you to be happy... and I want to be with you, always... if you do change your mind, we'll deal with that when the time comes. Hell, _I_ might change my mind - I can't imagine it, but neither can any couple who get married and divorce later. For now - for now, let's just seize the day... well, night - and be unimaginably unrestrainedly irrationally happy for a bit.

"Jim - if you want me - fuck, I want you. So much. Let's do this. Let's be crazy and get married and get thrown out of three Vegas hotels for wrecking the place and keeping up the neighbours."

I look at you, hopefully. The back of my mind is nagging still, but I tell it to shut up. I haven't been carefree and happy since David.

I so, _so_ desperately want to be carefree and happy... even if it's only for a week.

 

 

_I look at you and wipe at my eyes again. You reach for a tissue and hand it to me - which almost makes me start crying again, but fuck it, this is meant to be a happy occasion. I dab at the corners and my cheeks, and the tissue comes away a light red. I throw it at the nightstand._

_"I *want* you... I *do*." I press my head against yours, breathing in your scent._

_"I *want* to go on this mad adventure with you... I don't just mean having a Vegas wedding like a pair of idiots. I mean, the rest of it. What comes after the honeymoon. (Oh! Honeymoon...) Being with you, experiencing the world with you. Things like this don't happen to people very often, I think... so how stupid would we be to *not* jump on it?" I take your face in my hands, and stare at you intently._

_"So if you have any fears left, tell them to shut the fuck up. I already gave you my answer. You're marrying me."_

_A smile plays on my lips. "I didn't mean it to sound threatening... I'll try to watch that, but it's a lifelong habit..."_

 

 

"Oh you can threaten me all you like... it's kind of hot," I admit, kissing your jaw.

"You know - I've always been bigger, stronger, quicker than other people. To not be that, for once - well, I'm bigger, ok - but yeah. It's hot to have a lover who could hold me down with one hand," I grin.

"But if I had any qualms about marrying you, I'd tell you, don't worry. And I don't.

Right - we better get moving - you promised me breakfast, we need to book flights, and I want a last illegitimate fuck..."

 

 

_God, I've been so careful around you since you came back... I wanted to know you could trust me not to lose control._

_I didn't want you to leave again._

_But I've also been holding myself back._

_Mmm. My Sebastian, unafraid of the dark side..._

_who willingly came back to the vampire who nearly drained him..._

_and still offered up his blood (in reasonable amounts)._

_I won't do it now, but... maybe on our wedding night?_

_My vampire nature makes itself known in a flurry of beating wings and snarling, throwing myself against my self-created cage._

_*Soon, honey*... I coo. Not as much as last time... but you can have a *little*..._

_"Oh, I can threaten you all I like...?" I give you a feral smile. "I will take you up on that, my darling... and hold you down, too."_

_I kiss you fiercely, leaving you gasping. "But there will be plenty of time to explore the dark side, Tiger... for now, breakfast, travel arrangements, fucking. Yes?" I kiss you again, and when we pull apart, the desire between us is taut, like a viper ready to strike._

_"Right. I promised you breakfast. So you book a gay chapel and the hotel, and look up flights... my laptop is on the kitchen table."_

_I get up, extend my hand and pull you to standing. We stare at each other, not moving._

_"Come, Sebastian..." I say playfully, pulling you behind me as I walk. "it'll be that much sweeter with the wait..."_

 

 

"Do I look like I'm good at waiting?" I complain, but obediently follow you out - I want you, fuck yes, but I _always_ want you, and we should book flights sooner rather than later.

We have a quick shower, manage to keep our hands on each other mostly functional, then head to the kitchen.

You unlock your laptop for me and I go online. Flight Heathrow to Vegas, leaving at 10:40 pm, landing at 1:30 am, perfect. There's a Gay Wedding Chapel in Vegas, which sounds good, and which offers different packages - we look through them, laugh at the Gothic and Graveyard options, but settle on the Night Time Garden package, which looks lovely, and will be the perfect temperature this time of year.

Giggling, you feed me bacon as we fill in the Marriage Licence Application -

"Do we want to change our names? Do you want to become Richard Moran?"

 

 

_I am *so* enjoying cooking you breakfast, even though it seems more natural for me to be behind the laptop and you to be manning the stove. While bacon is sizzling away and eggs are frying, I'm popping by the table to give you orange juice, kiss you sweetly, and look at the options you want to show me. I'm delighted that we'll be outside in a garden. I was apprehensive about how tacky the chapel might be. But in the photos, it seems picturesque enough, and anyway, I just care that you'll be the one opposite me in your black tailored suit with red kerchief in case I cry..._

_After sliding toast into the toaster and starting up the coffee maker, I bring a plate of bacon and sit on your lap so I can tell you what to fill in for me on the marriage license. As I'm feeding you bacon and laughing away, you ask me if I want to change my name._

_I blink. Change my name? Really? Yet another thing I never considered the possibility of. Especially as a vampire... 'If I ever meet the man of my dreams, will I change my name? Maybe hyphenate?'_

_"Really? You don't like Sebastian Brook?" I tease._

_By the look on your face, clearly you don't. I roll my eyes, then wrap my arms around you._

_"Richard is thrilled at the prospect of taking your name..." I say drily, and grin. "You've made him the happiest vampire ever."_

 

 

"Really?"

Oh god that is so sweet -

I kiss you with my greasy bacon mouth.

"I would love to be Sebastian Moriarty, but much as I love Richard, I don't want to take the name of your alter ego. But Richard Moran... sounds dreamy..."

I fill in the form - Richard Aidan Brook and Sebastian Patrick Moran want to get married and henceforth be known as Mr and Mr Moran...

I'm pretty sure hearts are flying around my head cartoon-style.

Oh. They want our parents' information. Why? I scowl, fill in my info.

"Do you have - your parents' details?"

I move the laptop over to you, so you can fill it in without me looking over your shoulder. I tuck into my breakfast, hoping this won't ruin your mood.

 

 

_"We'll be the Morans..." I nuzzle your cheek. "That *is* dreamy..."_

_Giddiness surges through me, making it hard to keep still. Jesus... Richard, calm the fuck down._

_*Yes*, you're getting married to the hottest man you've ever seen, and taking his name..._

_Where was I going with this? Never mind, if you can't swoon on your wedding day..._

_You go ahead and swoon all you like, Richard darling._

_Then I'm tasked with filling out my parent's information. Well luckily, Jim Moriarty is a criminal mastermind and does not stop short when it comes to identification. I have legal names for the sweet, doting parents of Richard Brook, and a file of documents should I ever need them._

_I finish with a flourish. "Done." I kiss you before I stab your bacon with a fork, stuff it in my mouth, and wash it down with sweet coffee._

_"Mmm. It's nice to eat again... my appetite is being revived for all sort of things..." I say innocently._

 

 

You seem not too fazed by the parents thing - oh - of course, they're Richard's parents. I feel relief as you turn the laptop back to me and I send off the application.

"We can pick up our licence any time before midnight tomorrow - we need to go together, with our IDs - and then pick out rings, and make sure we are at the chapel for our 2:30 wedding ceremony - they provide the witnesses as well, so I _think_ that is all we have to worry about?"

 

 

_"Seems like... I don't get married in Vegas very often, so I'm not really up on the preparations. But I think they take care of everything else. So we just have to pack, and - oh, your things are at your place." I wrap my legs around your waist and start kissing your neck. "Do you want to get them on the way to the airport? I'll arrange a car for us," I murmur. "Don't forget your passport, Tiger..."_

 

 

"Which one?" I smile, then laugh at your miffed expression. "Oh don't worry, you're getting to marry the real deal - I really am Sebastian Moran, and I shall be marrying you as Sebastian Moran, not as Ferdinand Lambert or Ashton Fox."

I'm really enjoying this vampire on my lap. Especially with the kisses and the biting of the earlobe...

"So, now we've taken care of the breakfast and the arrangements... I believe we have, oh - sixish hours left for the probably not last illegitimate fuck... "

I get up, move to the bedroom, with my fiancé (!!) in my arms.

"I've never had sex with an engaged man before..." I whisper. (No, wait - there was that one guy - oh fuck it. I've never had sex with a man who was engaged to _me_ before.) "And we better hurry, because he is going to be a married man soon..."

 

 

_I launch myself at your lips as you carry me and we're kissing so intensely that you walk us into a wall - and then a door frame._

_"Ow," I say mildly, as my head hits the doorway._

_"Sorry, bunny," you breathe, caressing my head. Which make me swoon so hard - what vampire in the history of vampire-kind has been caressed so sweetly and called a bunny?? Just *this one*._

_"You - " I say between kisses. "Are so - " kiss "ridiculous - " kisskiss "I'm a vicious bloodsucking fiend, not a sweet little bunny," I say sternly._

_"Well..." I relent as we stumble blindly towards the bed, kissing feverishly. "Maybe a - sweet bloodsucking bunny, or - a vicious little bunny. Tiger's choice," I gasp as we tumble to the edge of the mattress and almost fall to the floor._

 

 

"The killer rabbit of Caerbannog?" I grin, dumping you onto the bed - mostly - managing to twist us fast enough that I don't drop my husband-to-be. Instead I am now lying on my back, a grinning bunny vampire leaning over me.

"So I'm your Tiger now, am I, my bunny? Does that mean I will always carry your stripes? Because I can live with that..." I growl.

But...

I roll us over, bite your neck. "But doesn't the Tiger usually devour the bunny?"

You moan, and I take that as encouragement, suck your neck, bite again.

"You got your Tiger on a leash, you know that... and I'm more than happy to be on that leash... god, I _love_ it," I breathe into your ear. "But our first time, when the Tiger took the bunny... I believe that was enjoyed, wasn't it?"

 

 

_"*Yes*, you're my Tiger, and *yes*, you'll be my stripy darling..." I murmur, as you kiss and bite my neck, my jaw, my lips..._

_"And I love having you on a leash, Sebastian... this is going to be an *intense* honeymoon; you may need to get some vitamin and mineral supplements..." I grin. My hands trail down your chest as your tongue moves along my neck. "I loved it when you fucked me... it's one of the most beautiful, hottest things I've ever experienced. Do you want to fuck your bunny again, Tiger?" I ask breathlessly, and draw your lips to mine._

 

 

"I do..." I growl against your ear, and am pleased to see that the gooseflesh reflex is alive and well in vampires.

"I would love to fuck you... without a condom now, feel you skin against skin... make you moan again, come again, without you playing a role... just seeing you, enjoying my cock... god, I'd love that..."

You moan as I bite your earlobe, kiss, lick, suck, bite your neck - that beautiful neck - then move further down, your muscular chest, your nipples, your belly, your abdomen... your gorgeous cock...

I scramble for the lube, find it on the nightstand, keep licking you as I press some onto my finger and start gently massaging you with it.

 

 

_"God yes, Tiger... fuck me skin to skin, let me *feel* you..." I groan as you lick and bite me. "It'll be all me this time, honey..."_

_And then your mouth is on my cock, and your lubed up finger is inside me, and I'm moaning softly at the sensation._

_I think back to three nights ago when we met - it feels like an eternity ago. As Richard, I was so smitten with you, but it feels like I was experiencing you through such a specific lens... still, it would have blown my sweet bunny mind to think of us declaring our love and deciding to get married like this._

_I let out a low moan. "Fuck, you feel so good, Tiger..."_

 

 

How can you be so _sweet?_ It tugs at my heart in a funny way - almost like it makes me want to cry, but I’m happy - but also sad - Jesus, this love thing is potent.

Most of all, I want to be really close to you, and I am, can’t really get much closer, with my tongue on your cock and my finger in your arse, but I want more, I want to be inside you, and I will, soon... my beautiful prince who no longer is Richard, who’s become this sweet side of vampire Jim, dangerous, authoritative Jim, who can be so cute and small and vulnerable... and make my heart swell...

My heart is not the only swollen body part though... _God_ , I want you, my bunny, my vampire, my _betrothed_...

I rub some lube on myself and move up, folding your legs around my arms as I go, opening you up for me...

“My fiancé... my love...” I look into your large black eyes as I carefully push.

 

 

_I never wanted to be 'taken' - as a human or as a vampire. As Richard, I made an exception - but only with you. Now I'm me... and I have a brief flash of apprehension as you're gazing at me... no one has ever seen what you've seen._

_But I remember what it was like to feel locked away from everyone and everything... Hostile. Unsafe. Furious._

_Being with you feels nothing like that... you're gazing at me with intense desire and affection. I remember Richard saying he wanted to be adored..._

_So it must be what I wanted deep down._

_I think I got my wish..._

_You're pushing into me gently. I know I'm tight, Tiger - but I *want* you..._

_I grasp your sacrum, raise my hips towards yours, and push against you. I feel you move deeper into me, making us both groan. I feel you moving experimentally, and my muscles adjusting, squeezing you, opening to you..._

_My eyelids flutter shut. "Oh... Sebastian..."_

 

 

You are pushing, careful, my dear, you are so tight... Oh god this feels so -

odd.

Absolutely great, but odd. First of all without the condom, something I haven't done since Stiles, and second - normally this would feel very hot, in the temperature sense of the word. I didn't notice it the first time because I was still under the 'this is a perfectly normal human honestly'-charm, but now, it's noticeable that you are - not cold, but not hot either. It's definitely not unpleasant, just - something to get used to.

I do hope I get the chance to get used to this... because it is _sublime_. Slowly I'm pushing in you, you are pushing onto me, and your eyes - god - is it just you? Or is this something that happens when you're in love, and you think your partner's eyes are the universe? No, it _has_ to be you - I have _never_ seen eyes like that. So dark even in the half-light of day coming round the curtains, so many expressions in their depth - trepidation, a little... past hurt... desire and hunger... and mostly love, so much love...

My heart clenches - what did I ever do to deserve this? What did I _do?!_ Just - pick up a guy in a club, go home with him, shag him, have a chat, be attacked by him, but not killed - how does that spell instant passionate love?!

I balance on my left arm, stroke your cheek with my right hand... you are looking eternal, infinite, I could see the birth and death of the universe in your eyes if I looked carefully...

I am completely surrounded by you now. I could cry with the sensation of being inside you, being so close to you...

I lean over, kiss your soft lips, which open slightly when I approach -

"I love you..."

 

 

_“I love you too, Sebastian...” I murmur, and kiss you back._

_Oh god, my feelings are growing deeper, what am I going to do?_

_I mean... that’s *good*, considering we’re about to get married like a couple of mad, romantic fools._

_But... I’m not sure I put your fears to rest about the not-ageing thing._

_I can’t do this - this love, this getting married, if I don’t feel safe... can’t let my feelings out into a container that won’t hold them, that may crack... because what will happen to me then? But looking into your eyes, I see none of the fear from before..._

_I am loved, I am adored..._

_You’re so deep inside me, oh god, you feel so good..._

_I meet your hips with each thrust, groaning with pleasure..._

_You take my wrists and press them down over my head._

_Fuck... so hot... I *want* to feel held down by you..._

_I should ask you to restrain me sometime... and I’ll try very hard not to break my bonds._

 

 

You are looking at me with such awe, such intensity... I'm drowning inside you, like I was that first time...

My Jim...

 _My_ Jim?

I take your left wrist in my right hand, push it down... Your eyes grow darker, more intense, as you stare up at me... Your right wrist...

Your eyes briefly close, your head moves back as you softly groan... oh, you _are_ into this, are you, my bunny?

It's heady to hold someone down that you know could throw you off with a flick of his wrist… knowing that you _want_ to be held down by me...

Oh god we're going to have _such_ an amazing honeymoon... I can't wait to try out _everything_ imaginable with you... and a few things unimaginable, perhaps?

I'm moving slowly, and you look - oh god you are the most beautiful sight I've ever seen, your mouth slightly open, your eyes dark and wide - this connection we have, it's just getting deeper, stronger, with everything we do - and it's tearing at my heart -

You feel _so good_ , and you are _so hot_ ; my entire body feels electrified, on fire, my heart is pounding, my cock is throbbing, I just want you, closer, more -

I start moving faster, and you're groaning, your eyes close, your face wrinkles - how can a face wrinkling be the most erotic sight I've ever seen?! - your fangs grow again, a little - so it is an involuntary reaction? - but you seem to realize that you're doing it, close your mouth, lick your lips, and they're gone.

I'm moving faster, I want to touch you as well, but no, I got you so perfectly now, I want to keep you... I'll do you afterwards...

 

 

_It's funny how being held down by you makes me want different things... part of me wants to be growled at and totally pinned down by your muscular body (Hi, Richard!) and part of me wants to slam you down and sink my teeth in your throat (Hi, Vampire!)..._

_(Ooops, got a little too excited there... put the fangs away, sweetie!)_

_and as for the totality of Jim... well, I'm curious. And smitten. And horny. And I want to experience so much with you._

_Now your pace is increasing, and my cock is so hard..._

_your thrusting is *so hot*, fuuuck..._

_"Oh god, Sebastian... fuck me *hard*," I moan loudly, throwing my head back._

 

 

Oh god, yes, can do, can do very much - you are so achingly beautiful, your _voice_ just makes me fall to pieces, that Irish lilt makes my eardrums into erogenous zones, sending thrills all through my body...

I am moving faster now, I am properly fucking you, fucking the most beautiful man I've ever seen, the most fascinating, interesting creature I've ever laid eyes on, and he wants to _marry_ me, and _I_ suggested it, and we must be _crazy_ , but _fuck it_ , grab happiness by the balls where you find it, because you'll be dead tomorrow and then you'll be sad you never had it...

You want to be fucked hard, bunny? I'll give you fucked hard - I'm pounding into you, you're groaning, which sends an electric current from my ears to my balls, my fingers tighten around your wrists - don't bruise him - I bend down, bite your neck - you kind of had that coming, my love - and hear your groan near my ear and that is _it_ , I can't hold back any longer, I am hurtling headlong into orgasm, inside _you_ , holding _you_ , hearing _your_ moans, groans, gasps - oh _god_ -

"Jim - oh god Jim - Oh _fuck_ , fuck, I love you, Jim - oh _GOD_..."

 _So_ good. _So_ good. Oh god I can't - I can't bear this, it's _too_ intense oh god Jim...

 

 

_Oh sweet Jesus, I bagged myself the hottest fucking man in London... England... the universe..._

_and I already know I'm the hottest vampire, and vampires are the most seductive beings on earth, as it is. Oh, darling... you really do make me feel more like myself..._

_I'm staring up through half-closed eyes as you fuck me like the sexy motherfucker you are._

_You fuck me and hold me down and bite me, fuck *yes*, I'm your bunny and I love your cock inside me and I love you slamming into me, oh *god*, you're coming and I hear you fucking roar and it's just the hottest thing ever..._

_mine..._

_*mineminemine*..._

 

 

Oh _fuuuuuck_... god, is this the best orgasm _ever_?! It’s certainly in the top three. With the other ones I’ve had with you...

But _fuck_ , fucking you feels good...

I pant, holding myself up on trembling arms, looking at your face... such an intense look; pleased, aroused, satisfied, possessive, hungry - not in the blood sense, I think - I hope - but in the ‘I really really liked that and now I really really want more’ sense.

I lower myself down, kiss you; you kiss back passionately -

I move onto my side, sliding out of you with a slight feeling of loss, then move down, moving your legs back, turning you on your side, and take that magnificent cock in my mouth. I’m not quite ready to balance on my arms again - I’m still trembling with the intensity - but this way I can lick and suck you without holding myself up.

My cock gives an aftershudder - yes, that was... quite something.

 

 

_OH GOD, you’re good at this..._

_you’re really fucking good at this..._

_(How did he get good at this...? *Shut up*, you moron... *not now*.)_

_The way you tease... the way you look up at me like you want to devour me..._

_Your mouth is *fucking magic*._

_I’m groaning under your attention to my cock which is unprecedented - like you’re going to make a lifelong study of it, and you realize how far behind you are, and you need to devote yourself wholly to your work._

_“God, Sebastian... *fuck*...” I say hoarsely, and my hands float to your head._

_My fingers twist in your hair, and I start to shiver and moan._

 

 

Oooh, I like fingers in my hair...

One, because it's hot, and two, because it helps me to find the perfect rhythm for you, my lovely fiancé.

Soon I have you bucking, groaning, moaning my name... did I hear the word 'mine' there? Oh yes, my darling, I am, I _so_ am...

I'm starting to get aroused again, with the sounds you make, the movements... my cock is still knocked out, but my brain definitely is not - you are so incredibly sexy... how on _earth_ did I manage to get the sexiest man in London to fall for me? And as by miracle find that the sexiest man in London is also the only man I could fall for? Is there a god of vampires and assassins that we owe a sacrifice to?

You shiver, moan some incoherent words that I _think_ feature _Sebastian_ and _mine_ , your fingers tighten in my hair as you push inside me, deep, deeper - that's alright, I can take you -

and then I'm rewarded with your seed in my mouth, again, and again I feel so proud, so proud of the sounds you make, the shivers, the thrusts... I did that. I made the sexiest man in London mewl like a kitten...

I softly lick and suck you until you whine, and then slowly move up. I can feel a massive grin on my face.

 

 

_“Oh... Tiger...” I say in a ragged voice, and clear my throat. “You are...” I shake my head. “Fucking amazing is what you are!”_

_I slide my arms around you and rest my head on your chest. “And fortunate is what I am to have found you... “_

_I kiss your lips, and feel bliss stream through me._

_“What do you think - dumb luck? Or fate?” I ask lazily, and interlace my fingers with yours._

_“Actually, I’ve never believed in anything but myself...” I say slowly. “But purely by chance? I don’t know anymore...”_

 

 

Your kiss is everything no kiss has ever been. Your lips are so fine, so soft, so velvety, the mere brush of them against mine is a delight; and when there is a bit more pressure, deliberation, it's all I can do not to swoon...

"Dumb luck or fate?" I chuckle. "I most certainly have never believed in any agents of fortune... many soldiers do, or have a lucky charm, or a special ritual, or whatever... I never bothered. But I do agree that we are exceptionally lucky... Tell you what, if the deity who brought us together sends us their business card, I'll be the most dedicated devotee ever. Until then, I suspect that the higher power who brought us together is right here in this bed... didn't you say that you saw me before, Richard Brook?"

 

 

_Delighted, I give you my most innocent expression. "I did see you, Sebastian... but I could never have approached you. I'm far too shy..."_

_I shrug sweetly. "I guess it was chance, after all. If I hadn't stumbled like a hapless dolt... spilled my drink all over that lovely girl..."_

_Slowly Richard's contrite expression slides off my face to reveal the vampire Moriarty underneath._

_"Oh, I *saw* you all right, Sebastian... I wanted you from the moment I set eyes on you. But I didn't approach you... and it wasn't because of whatever conceited, inelegant twit was throwing themselves at you that evening. Really, Sebastian - you showed no discernment whatsoever!" I growl, and roll my eyes mightily. "Something stopped me. I thought I was biding my time until I saw you again... but it happened twice. And then... "_

_My regular expression returns - the one belonging to Jim, both a vampire and completely smitten. "And then... I met the man of my dreams. And Richard Brook won't be himself for much longer... he'll be Richard Moran by tomorrow."_

_The dreamy Richardesque expression on my face is not intentional. I sigh. "God, are there stars in my eyes?" I say, self-consciously smiling and looking away. "You've ruined a perfectly good vampire psychopath."_

 

 

“I doubt that... I think I’m causing a perfectly good vampire psychopath to bloom into the magnificent creature he is - not that you weren’t magnificent before, but who can beat having a Tiger familiar? Do vampires have familiars? Or should I be an Igor? ‘Yes, master...’ or was that Renfield? Damn, I have so much to learn...” I pull you close, nuzzle your hair.

“So - you said something stopped you from approaching me, twice? What was that?”

 

 

_I feel like preening at *magnificent creature*._

_“Well, I’m no Dr Frankenstein, so I don’t need an Igor. And I haven’t killed any Romanian peasants that I know of... so I don’t need a creepy Renfield. Vampires do have people who act as guardians and servants to them and they’re called either familiars or thralls... I have employees who take care of things for me... so you can protect me as my Tiger... You don’t need to be under a thrall for that...” I kiss your lips._

_“What stopped me? I have no idea... just a feeling. Like - you were too beautiful to end your life. I enjoyed seeing you alive... Although not so much making the moves on the inelegant twits. I guess temptation got the best of me in the end... or I couldn’t stand seeing someone else’s paws on you again.” I roll my eyes._

 

 

Oh yes, I was mixing up my gothic novel characters...

"I apologize for my poor taste in sexual partners," I grin. "If I would have seen you, I wouldn't have settled for those second-rate individuals, I assure you... but you kept yourself well-hidden.

But - you say vampires have people who act as guardians? What do they need protection from? And how could people provide protection that they couldn't provide themselves? They are faster, stronger, more unstoppable... what do these guardians do?"

 

 

_"Well, I'm glad to hear you acknowledge it," I say, slightly mollified. *Second*-rate? *Hah*._

_"Well... vampires aren't as strong during the day... and when they're sleeping they're vulnerable... so they need protecting from vampire hunters, which are few and far between but they do exist, and other vampires. Vampires are all about vendetta this, blood-vengeance that... so sometimes they attack each other, or send vampire-hunter-mercenaries after them... kind of like contract killers for the undead, darling!" I kiss you sweetly. "The thralls and familiars are made stronger with vampire blood... I've managed fine without one. I've kept under their radar mostly... I've had a *few* unpleasant run-ins, but I survived them." I shrug. "I'm a survivor. And I don't like to be cornered, as some vampires have discovered..."_

 

 

"I have to admit I've never been contracted to kill any undead, that I'm aware of... I think I might have questioned the methods. 'But why do you insist I get up to his coffin bed and drive a stake through his heart when I could just shoot him?'

But yeah... I'm alert when I sleep - as you noticed earlier. I'm sorry," I grin.

"What's the deal with vampire blood?"

 

 

_"Vampire blood... makes humans stronger. But it has an addictive, intoxicating quality to it, like a drug. So the more frequently you ingest it, the more you're in danger of becoming addicted to it. It only turns people into vampires if they've been drained, and they drink enough of it..." I trail off. I've been growing more apprehensive telling you about this, and I don't know why..._

 

 

Huh.

"It sounds like that is something I could use, then... if you don't mind. I mean, if it makes me stronger... and if it's addictive, that's no issue, since we're getting bloody _married_ ," I grin.

You're not smiling.

Why are you not smiling?

 

 

_“Because if you drink too much, you’ll be enthralled!” I protest. “God... I’m a creature of darkness, remember? Don’t you think there’s a part of me who wants you to be under my spell? if you want a tiny bit, here and there, for strength, we have to be careful... you can’t drink it just for pleasure, because...” I smile wickedly, despite my fears. “Because... you’ll like it too much. And I won’t be able to say no.” My lips quirk. “I’m not going to lie... the thought is fucking hot...”_

 

 

OK... I still fail to see the problem.

"I'm enthralled anyway, but we humans call it falling in love. And you're just as enthralled, right? So...”

Oh.

hold on...

“... wait..."

I think I see what you mean. I love the idea of you being in love with me. If I had any suspicion that that _wasn't_ being in love, but was instead the effect of some substance you'd ingested... I would hate that. I would try to get you away from the substance, to test that if you were completely uninfluenced, you would still choose to be with me.

"I see, I think...

I mean, I _am_ enthralled by you, but it's _you_. Not your blood, not your vampiric magic, just - you. And - I can see that part of you would want to use your vampiric powers to keep me under your spell, but - I can also see that you would not want that, that you would want me to _choose_ this. Because - isn't it much hotter when someone is completely enchanted by you _without_ you using any sorcery?"

 

 

_“Yes, completely... and I’m probably being overly cautious, because I don’t want you to be under any sway except *mine*. Thralls are created by giving them blood every day, and then taking away their supply at times to keep them hungry for it. However, if you were to have a small amount let’s say, every week or so... that would boost your strength and healing, without making you addicted. It would be like having a few drinks on the weekend, as opposed to a bottle a day. It’s up to you if you want to try it. But I won’t let you have more than I think is safe...” I say sternly. “I like your desire too much... and I’m too much of a narcissist to want you addicted to anything but me.”_

 

 

“Don’t worry - I get it. I guess I’d like to try it - would like to see the effect, and, to be honest, you owe me,” I grin. “But I don’t want to be addicted to anything but the chemicals in my own head that are released when I see you - and they’re intoxicating enough...”

I lie back onto the pillows.

“I guess we should get packing at some point...” I say, blissed out thinking of the reason for our imminent departure. “How long do you want to stay? I have a job next week, so I’ll have to be back by then, but I can stay up to six days, if you like - have a bit of a honeymoon in sin city? I’ll have to go by my place first - do you need to pick anything up from your penthouse?”

 

 

_“I’ll give you only as much as is safe... promise. And actually, I could give you some next time I-“ My eyes widen. “I mean if you want me to... it would you help you recover quickly from... sexy blood loss,” I grin, rolling my eyes._

_“Yes, I need to pack a few things, too - so we should get going... Six days is more than enough for Vegas... although I suppose we could go out to the desert to get away from the crowds. I’d like to see a desert... I’d have to go close to dusk, but the stars would be beautiful._

_Or if we’ve had enough of Vegas, we could go somewhere else... six days? What job do you have?” I ask slowly._

 

 

I don't share that information - but - you're about to be my husband -

"I don't normally share info on clients... but I guess, if I'm about to shoot one of your guys, I'd better cancel," I grin.

"I was hired by a guy called Simon Alder; I've done work for him before. He wants me to get rid of a drug dealer called John Harrison - mostly known as the Hairy Biker. You know either of them?"

 

 

_I draw up data from my mind map that I've received this week, and quickly scan the information. I laugh. "Of course I do. Simon is my employee. Mr Harrison is a client's nemesis. Which makes *you*-" I kiss your lips which are parted in surprise, "-*my* talented assassin. Pleased to meet you, Mr Fox..." I whisper in your ear._

 

 

"Ha!" I exclaim in surprise. "You're Alder's boss?! Well, what do you know... so, my job is for you then, my vampire overlord..." I grin, kiss your hand.

 

 

_"Vampire overlord? Ooooh, I like that..." I accept your kiss graciously. "And you're the wily, mysterious Fox everyone natters on about. I meant to do more recon on you, but then... I died and came back. It changes the to-do list somewhat..." I stare at you intently. "You realize the moment I learned more about you, I'd have been... curious. And when I get curious... well, let's just say we would have met one way or another, Ashton Fox..."_

 

 

"I must say I appreciate the way we met - dancing together in a club is a much better story to tell the grandkids than he told me to shoot people and I did..." I smile. "So you used to be more personally involved in your organization, where now you're just kind of - keeping an eye on things, but not really participating? I have to say, from what I've seen, it's tight. I assume Mo Dahab is one of your guys too? Ion Popescu?"

 

 

_"Yes and yes. Well, thank you for noticing my fine work, darling..." I beam at you. "I like to think I did spectacularly well given the time I had. I wasn't quite ready to give it up, even when I was in a bad way. Besides, vampires need resources to live well. Otherwise, they're little better than rats, scrabbling for every meal, and sleeping in abandoned buildings." My lip curls in distaste. "I appreciate comfort, even in the midst of existential angst. Besides, one can hardly invite an attractive conquest to one's abandoned hovel... I imagine it would spook even the adventurous nitwits. I don't mean you, darling... " I assure you, kissing you sweetly. "Not the nitwit part, anyway... but you were certainly my most attractive conquest...Sebastian Moran..."_

 

 

"Why thank you, Jim Moriarty. You're not too shabby yourself..." I've been invited to, and happily spent time in, abandoned hovels... or squats, as they were more popularly known - and have had a very good time in some, but I've learnt that it's wise not to mention anything of the sort to you.

So, it appears that the most capable and sensible guys I've dealt with are part of the same organization, and that it's yours. I can't help but look at you in admiration - that's some vast conglomerate you got going there. Very tightly organized. And you're only 25!? Bloody hell.

"What are you, some kind of criminal genius?" I blurt out.

 

 

_A smile plays on my lips._

_Ohhhh... it’s so lovely to be *seen* again... *recognized*..._

_“Well, one doesn’t want to bring it up *oneself*..” I arch an eyebrow delicately._

_“Yeah, OK, I am.” I grin at you cheekily._

_“When I was a child, I wanted to be a dancer and an actor... and then an astrophysicist... and then I realized, the stars are lovely to study, but I could do that on my own rather than wasting time in school. My talents were best used in less savoury capacities... but my, did they pay off! Except for the whole becoming undead thing, of course. But I don’t know... maybe you’re right. Now that I have you, Sebastian... maybe I can reframe this whole creature of the night business... it does have its perks.” I flash you a wicked smile._

 

 

Oh, you like that description, do you? More than that - you seem happy to confirm it.

"I've seen _some_ of what you built, and what I've seen has been really impressive. I can't believe you got all that before the age of 25 though - how on earth did you manage that? Did you inherit it?"

 

 

_“*Inherit*?” I scoff. “The only thing I inherited was physical attributes... blarney, admittedly... and love of an Irish exit. And I must have inherited some brainy DNA from *someone*, or it was a complete fluke. Honey, anything I have I built from the ground up, from the time I was 17... take mad genius, add all-consuming hunger and drive, throw in a Machiavellian streak, and bring to a full roiling boil. Voila - the Empire.”_

_You seem so impressed, so *in awe*... I want to fall over and roll around in how good this feels..._

 

 

You really - you just came over to London and made it your own? I _know_ London, know it intimately, know how incredibly unpredictable and treacherous it is... and _vast_ , and dangerous - _everyone_ wants a piece of London, there are so many warring factions - which is a good thing for me, as a freelancer - but the idea of _anyone_ coming in and just - starting to take over - and _surviving_ for more than a year - and you were _so young_ , and - well - sorry - but so small...

But I recall your eyes... And it's not a vampire thing; that's the reflectiveness, the odd light sometimes, but - the way your eyes look - pure black, and - impossible to resist, to gainsay...

If I were on a job, and you'd have come up to me with those eyes, and told me to drop my gun - I'm not sure I wouldn't have...

And that combined with your genius...

yeah, I can imagine London being struck dumb when confronted with that...

But still... the fact that you managed to survive in the first place is quite astounding, and then having built up such a vast operation...

I mean, I was already in love with and in awe of you... but this adds an extra dimension. It's no longer just personal - you can not just subjugate me, you can rule the entirety of London...

Hmmm, Jim Moriarty... you are growing more fascinating by the minute...

 


	11. Diamonds and Rust

We both know what memories can bring  
They bring diamonds and rust

 

 

_You have ceased talking... ceased asking questions... you have fallen silent as you stare at me._

_No more words of admiration and awe? I drink these instead from your countenance, from your parted lips... because you understand the enormity of what I have accomplished, and I see it in your shining eyes... sky-blue and gazing at me like a man adoring his beloved, and a knight revering his king._

_And you are both of these things... *my* man, *my* knight..._

_And now I'm the one flooded with admiration and awe, and I pull you towards me to kiss you._

_The kissing deepens, and my hands glide over your shoulders, drawing you even closer._

_"We were meant to be getting ready, weren't we?" I murmur, my forehead pressed to yours. "And here we are again... behaving like hormone-addled teenagers..."_

 

 

" _You_ are - I'm still having to recover..." I murmur, moving my hands over your back, holding you close - your smooth body, so perfect in shape, not an inch that isn't pure magnificence...

I realize I haven't even explored every inch of your body yet... such delights yet to come... there is an entire side of hip I haven't scrutinized, the hairs on the back of your neck, your toes... all mine to explore in our upcoming honeymoon...

It feels so lovely to be lying like this, caressing, kissing, stroking, talking... but yes, we don't want to be late for our flight...

Reluctantly, I drag myself and you upright, hold your hand as we walk to the shower, wash each other... _there_ is that side of hip... strong bone, a slight dip, then the muscles... mmm...

"Your place or mine first?" I ask.

I'm not even considering going separately. No way.

 

 

_"Let's go to yours first... I assume you'll pack quickly? What to bring to wear on honeymoon... hmmm... so many stunning ensembles, so little time to try them all on..."_

_My brow creases. *God*... how am I ever going to decide??_

 

 

"Suit, shirt, tie, shoes, normal clothes - I guess we can go swimming, if we do it at night, so swimming trunks - I guess people might stare at the stripes, but fuck them," I grin. "Lots of lube... some handcuffs?" I look at you innocently - please don't go off the rails because I have handcuffs. They might have been for work, right?

We get dressed, you call a car, give him my address. I am not surprised that you know it, honestly, but I wonder...

"Did you look in on me when I'd left?"

 

 

_I turn my head towards you. "I popped by, yes... I wasn't very pleased to see you pouring alcohol down your throat when you were supposed to be hydrating, but... extenuating circumstances..." I concede._

_I'm quiet for a moment. "It was very hard to stay angry at you..." I say softly. "Part of me just wanted to rush in and tell you how much I missed you... how much I wanted you back. I'm sorry the selfish, wounded part won out, Sebastian..."_

 

 

I put my arms around, you, hug you. It's weird to feel all these clothes between us...

"I'm sorry I ran out like that. I was freaking out... but you didn't deserve that. Well, that's one more thing we won't have to worry about... married people always come back to each other, right? They should, anyway..."

I look into your eyes. That's a significant point, actually... you do have a habit of stomping off in a huff, and it scares me a bit each time.

"Can we - promise each other that? We're both hotheads..." you a bit more than me so far, but I'm not saying that... "I - it would mean a lot to me to promise that we'll always come back. That even if we are pissed off beyond reason, we will come back, and talk. Can you promise me that, Jim?"

I look into your eyes, my own getting hot. I don't know why this is making me so emotional... but the thought of you walking off and just not coming back... hurts.

 

 

_I consider your words as I look back at you... this is a true crossroads for me. The only thing I *ever* had was myself... I was the only one who was ever on my side. So the thought of *trusting* someone... especially when I'm feeling angry or hurt... is a vulnerability I'm not sure I can handle._

_The two people I loved in my life left me... one way or another. And they were family, my own flesh and blood._

_Whereas you... I've known such a short time, despite my willingness to merge my life with yours. Can I truly trust that you will do not just what feels right for you but what's best for... us?_

_It's such a leap of *faith*... which is not something I'm used to having in another..._

_And if I'm hurt, don't I have the right to fly off in incandescent fury... to protect my own heart?_

_(And then what, Jimmy? After you leave? You would live without having this love... ever again?)_

_Sadness swamps me at the thought. Not just being alone, but... *hurting* you like that... being the one who caused you pain._

_Oh, Sebastian..._

_I sigh shakily. "I know, darling... I'm a hothead and I always have been... and far worse than you could ever be..."_

_I chew my lip. "And I can't even promise I won't storm off... or be a huffy, unreasonable shit sometimes. Because I would break that promise without fail. And as for the rest..."_

_I take your hands before I realize what I've done... hold them in my own... and kiss them fervently._

_"I promise, Sebastian... I will always come back. I will always talk with you, no matter how pissed off I get. I will always honour the vows I make to you... my word is gold, and you can trust me._

_Can you promise m-me the same? Will you f-forgive my darkness when it comes out?"_

_I have never felt more like Richard... vulnerability and dismay score me deeply, and trembling, I lay my cheek against your hands._

 

 

You are looking at me, don't say anything for a moment.

I fear I have gone too far... have asked too much. It's hard to know what moves you...

But you promise - you promise... oh god, thank you... and then you ask me to promise too -

Oh - that is a step further, isn't it - not just come back when I walk away, but - to forgive your darkness when it comes out? Well - what would your darkness be? How can I make such a promise without knowing what I'm getting into?

Though - isn't that the * _point*_ of marriage? Promising without knowing the future?

And - what's the worst your darkness could be? I mean - you nearly killed me a few nights ago, and I forgave you for that - and you promised you wouldn't do it again, and I believe that -

And - I can't possibly imagine you doing anything that would turn me away... even if it nearly kills me...

... maybe especially if it nearly kills me...

I don't have a death wish, as such, but - I do love that edge...

"I promise I will always come back if I've stormed off in a huff... I will always talk to you about what upsets me... And if your darkness comes out in a way that I can't bear - I will not run away from you. I promise you that, my Jim. I'm yours. For ever."

There you go. One Sebastian Moran. Tied with a ribbon and presented on a silver platter.

 

 

_I look up from the hands I'm holding onto for dear life, pressing my face into..._

_your eyes are so full of love._

_"And I'm yours, Sebastian. For Always."_

_My heart glows. It doesn't matter that it's not beating. I know what I feel._

_"Sounds potentially like an awful lot of storming off in huffs..." I say dubiously, then chuckle to your surprise. "I guess we're a pair of idiots... ah, well. My life has always been a wild ride, even before I became a vampire... makes sense that my relationship wouldn't be all sunshine and lollipops. But I prefer moonlight and dark chocolate, anyway..."_

_Slowly I turn your hands so one is on top of the other - I kiss each knuckle on your top hand._

_"I meant what I said..." I whisper against your hand when I'm finished. "You have my word, and you have my devotion..."_

 

 

I put my face close to yours. "Same here, my sweet prince, my dark lord..." I whisper.

Fucking hell. I mean it.

I mean, I swore loyalty to Queen and Country, but that was a load of shite. I not once actually believed in any oath I've sworn - except the one I made to David after he'd died.

But this - I mean it. I feel like an old knight of yore, swearing fealty to his king, fully signing over his life and his entire being to another human, who is so much more than human...

And that's what I feel with you. I am in total awe of you, I would do anything you ask of me. Thrall? Oh definitely. But I don't need blood, or magic, or whatever. I just need those dark eyes... that dark voice... and finally, finally I have found what I have been looking for all my life, without realizing. A purpose.

The moment lingers, and finally is punctuated by your phone ringing. _Staying Alive_?! Really!?!

I can't help but giggle at that, as you glare at me, pick it up.

"Car's here..."

 

 

_I get up, ignoring you as you snigger quietly behind me._

_"We won't be returning here, Sebastian... make sure you take anything you brought with you." I pick up the small suitcase I've already packed, and you grab your jacket and take the suitcase from my hand._

_I smile at you, and then look around the apartment. This is it._

_"This is where it happened... where a sweet boy brought home the sexiest man he'd ever seen. And by the end of the night... an assassin and a vampire mastermind had fallen for each other," I say softly. "And it's time to move onto the next bit... but I will never forget our time here." My eyes flicker over the living room, and I feel a pang of sadness. So silly._

_You move closer to me, and kiss me sweetly. There's promise in your kiss, and it soothes my maudlin moment. I sigh happily, and smile up at you. "Shall we, darling?"_

 

 

"Let's," I smile. I look back at the apartment - the place where I almost died, the place I spent a horrid hour in front of the door, fearing I'd never see your face again, the place where we spoke of love, the place where we got engaged... It's a shitty place, but I love it with all my heart.

We walk out into the hallway; you close and lock the door. Bye...

We head to the lift. I remember our first ride up here... nearly didn't make it to the apartment; I was so head over heels with Richard...

A smile comes to my lips. You look surprised as I get down on one knee. I take out the marker pen I took from the desk in the apartment.

And right above Ana and Raoul, the lift now proudly declares to any who enter it that Sebastian and Richard will be together 4eva.

 

 

_I gaze at the hallway as we walk to the lift, taking in the graffiti, the pounding bass._

_We could never live here, so I commit each detail to memory, file it in my mind map under 'Sebastian and Richard Moran', subheading: A Bunny Meets a Tiger._

_In the lift, you're smiling. I smile back at you questioningly when you're taking a marker out of your pocket and writing something on the wall - what - are you -_

_*Ohhh*..._

_*Sebastian*..._

_Is it possible I actually turned into a bunny with red hearts for eyes? I don't see how I can appear otherwise. I pull you towards me and kiss you._

_The kiss feels like it could have lasted days, because my mind is replaying for me every moment with you from the first time I saw you... it's like seeing your life flash before your eyes, only it's not quick - it's *slow* and *sweet*, like drizzles of luscious honey - and it's not the end of my life - it's the beginning._

_"4eva," I whisper, and kiss you well past the lift doors opening and dinging at us._

 

 

That went down alright then. I did consider writing Jim, but Richard seems fitting; he was the one I went into this lift with, and the one I am going to marry.

Your kiss is so loving, so intense...

Fuck off ding. We’re busy.

It’s only when we hear a throat being cleared that we break off, grin at the man waiting, and walk outside through the entrance - the door has been leaned against the wall. I look at you questioningly, you nod sheepishly. My strong little vampire... so keen to see me...

We get into the car and drive to my place.

I show you in; you look around as I gather my stuff - my nice suit and shoes, a good shirt and tie, some normal clothes, socks, underwear, swimming trunks, toiletries...

... handcuffs...

... anything else?

I think that’s it. I head back to the living room, where you’re studying my bookshelf.

“No Dracula or Twilight I’m afraid...” I say. You look up, smiling.

“Not just a pretty face then...” you nod at my books. I grab three, put them in my suitcase.

“Nice touch with the handcuffs...” you grin. I look up, startled, look at the suitcase - how did you –

 

 

_“Vampire hearing? Did I forget to mention that?” I ask you innocently. “Oh, those damnable predators and their keen senses... makes it so difficult for prey to get away with being sneaky... and get away full stop.” I smile at you slyly, and wander around your living room._

_“So this is your place...” It’s nice enough... a bit spartan and bachelor-esque for my taste. “We’re going to have to decide where to live. See how you like my penthouse, but we could get another place, as well... I’ve been moving around just to be safe.”_

 

 

Live. We’re going to live together. For always. You and I. My books on your shelf. Your toothbrush on my sink. I’ll find out what your favourite tv-shows are and you’ll learn which games I like.

The enormity of it strikes me. It’s one thing to be swept along in a mad fantasy when in a strange apartment, but seeing you _here_ , in my living room, my fantasy prince in my prosaic surroundings... feels so dissonant, so weird... I have to touch you to make sure you are real, we are here, this is happening...

Suddenly my eye falls on the little box on the top shelf. A small box inlaid with mother-of-pearl and ivory, made in a time when that was still the norm.

Oh god - of course...

I reach up, take it, open it, take out a small black box. I look at you, get down on one knee -

“I believe that this is how it should be done, rather than a throwaway question in bed... I apologize, my love.”

I open the box. Inside is a gold ring with a doubtlessly priceless diamond.

“My grandmother gave me this. It was her engagement ring. She wanted me to have it and to give it to the girl of my dreams...”

I look up at you, swallow.

“It’s probably too small for you, and it’s a bit girly, so I don’t expect you to wear it - but I want you to have it.”

 

 

_You seem a bit overwhelmed at the question, which I suppose makes sense given the circumstances. Still, I feel worry wriggle through me like a tiny serpent. Are you... having doubts?_

_Oh god, what if you're having doubts??_

_You're staring up at the bookshelf with an intent expression. Jesus, why are you obsessing about books right now? How many books do you plan to read on our honeymoon?_

_You can reach the top shelf without straining... so hot._

_And now you're... *oh*..._

_I look from the ring to you and back again._

_I never let myself imagine this... but somewhere deep inside, that hidden part of me, the sweet little romantic bunny we call Richard must have been secretly dreaming..._

_My hand floats to the box, plucks it out of your hand... and I gaze at the ring nestled in the velvet lining._

_"Beautiful..." I murmur._

_I touch your cheek lovingly. "Will you put it on me, Sebastian? I think it should fit my little finger..."_

_Then before I know it I've fallen on my knees to the carpet in front of you. Oh, Richard... you are *so smitten*..._

_Staring into your eyes, I hold out the box to you, and give you my hand._

 

 

I take the ring out of its nesting place, take your hand. My own hand trembles.

"Jim Moriarty, Richard Brook," I say - I never expected to say two names when proposing to someone - but then I never expected to propose to anyone...

"Will you do me the honour of being my husband?"

At your "yes", I put the ring on the little finger of your left hand.

You smile at me with such delight - that beautiful smile, that lights up your face -

Yes, Grandma. You told me to give it to the girl who made my heart light up when she smiled. It's not a girl, but you won't mind - you're much more progressive than your dick of a son.

I never thought my heart could light up again... but here it is, the smile that makes my heart glow incandescent.

I kiss your hand, with its diamond. Put the box in my pocket, in case you want to take it off at some point.

 

 

_On their knees, on a living room floor... a ring is slid onto a vampire’s finger by his betrothed... and the world seems to tilt on its axis._

_I beam at you._

_You kiss my hand, and we stare at each other for a long moment._

_I lean in and kiss you softly. Then you stand, and pull me up._

_I look at my ring, admiring it. “Shiny. If I put it on a band designed for a man, I’d love to wear it. Would that be all right with you?”_

_Suddenly the doorbell chimes. We look at each other._

_“Are you... expecting someone?” I ask, my brow furrowing._

 

 

"No - probably Jehovas or the Lib Dems... let me get rid of them."

I head to the door, open it, ready to ask whoever wants my money, my soul, or my vote to kindly piss off.

My mouth drops open.

"Henry?!"

What the hell?

"Hey there," he grins, grabs me in a hug. "Tom said you weren't doing too great - figured I'd come and see how you were. I brought Guinness. You look like shit, Moran - civilian life not all it's hacked up to be?"

 

 

_Who... are you talking to?_

_I peek around you, and see a tall soldier-looking type._

_Hugging you. Offering you beer._

_I tamp down on the jealousy that had me thinking of killing you, only a day ago._

_A lot has happened since then._

_We’ve got engaged._

_I’m wearing your *fucking* ring._

_I can do this. I can be gracious and not a monster._

_“Sebastian...?” I ask sweetly. “Who’s at the door?”_

_I appear behind you suddenly, and wrap an arm around your waist._

_“Hello,” I say to the man in front of you. Oh. Not just tall. Muscular and good-looking._

_He appears surprised, and looks at you questioningly._

_No, sweetheart - you look at *me*._

_I smile fiercely at him. “My name’s Richard. Who might you be?”_

 

 

Oh _hello_ Jim... not giving me the chance to introduce you two, are you? Staking your territory?

Fuck - with your history of going off in a huff if I even mention Stiles in a fever dream... you're not going to like meeting the real deal, are you?

But fuck that - I haven't seen him in ages and he's come to see if I'm alright, and I'm not going to send him away.

"Richard - darling - let me introduce you to Henry, an old army mate. Henry, this is Richard, my - fiancé..."

Henry's eyebrows almost touch the ceiling. Yeah, I know, mate...

"Please - do come in." I move aside, you look at me, but come _on_ Jim. "We're - actually leaving soon, but we have time for one drink - it's good to see you, man! You look good!"

He does - he looks fit, tanned, and thriving.

 

 

_Henry, darling... you seem taken aback..._

_Sebastian, sweetheart... *what the fuck*... we’re having a drink with him now?_

_What am *I* supposed to talk about?? My criminal empire? My wacky life as a vampire? Or do I just sit around like a lump while you two reminisce?_

_Who is this Henry??_

_And why did you pause before you called me your fiancé??_

_Stop it, Jim... this is *not* how you prove you trust your darling..._

_All right... *fine*... what would Richard do??_

_I think we're about to find out..._

_“S-so, Henry... are you still in the army?” I ask, shyly. “How long has it been since you two served together?”_

_Well, I haven’t torn out his throat and it’s been thirty seconds! This seems to be working *just fine*..._

_And I *hope* you’re proud of my restraint... I try to smile at you sweetly, but I think it may look more like I’m hungry._

 

 

I lead you both into the living room and head to grab some glasses from the kitchen. I hear you ask Stiles a perfectly polite question. Why is it that it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end?

As I rush in with the glasses, Stiles is telling you that it's been about three years. He's not volunteering anything else - no, he wouldn't. You don't tell outsiders that you're in the Regiment.

He's looking at ease, though surprised, so I decide to move the conversation away from his work to Jim and me.

"So, Demmings must have told you that I'd been in an accident, lost a bit of blood - I'm doing much better, thanks. You should have seen me a couple of days ago. Richard has been taking excellent care of me."

I see him look between you and me, wonder clearly written on his face.

"Did Demmings mention that I was... that he talked with me about... that there was love trouble?" I decide to throw it out there.

Stiles nods, slowly. Oh... was he thinking - he could cheer me up in that department as well?

"Well, that's obviously... been cleared up," I smile nervously, looking at you. "Richard and I... we are about to head to Vegas, to get married."

Henry looks still surprised, but genuinely delighted as well. He's never been the possessive type.

"Oh, congratulations! Let's drink to that!" He raises his glass, as do we, we clink and sip. "That is so great to hear! I'd been worried about you, since you left - he's great with getting shot at, but I was wondering how he'd fare in the big bad real world," he winks at you.

"So - how long have you been together? How did you meet?"

 

 

_I observe you as you chat. You seem nervous, darling. What is there to be nervous about. Darling._

_I do a quick dive into my mind map._

_Sebastian Moran: History. 3 years ago. SAS._

_In the SAS Moran was very close to two fellow soldiers._

_Demmings and Stiles._

_Fact: This is not Demmings._

_Conclusion: This is a third soldier he was close with, who I know nothing about. Or *Stiles*, who I know a little *something* about._

_MostLikelyStiles might have an agenda about tonight, but he doesn't seem to have designs on you now that he's heard about us. So he just saved his own motherfucking life._

_He even winks at me in a genuinely friendly manner, which my Richard side finds charming. Weird._

_*Jim*, on the other hand... is not very happy at being face to face with the mysterious Stiles. Invited in for a drink. On your sofa. Before we leave for our honeymoon._

_My eyes glint, and you and I look at each other, before I turn an innocent smile towards Stiles (?)._

_"We've been together... four days? I know, it s-sounds completely mental... because it *is*. We've just had such a beautiful, whirlwind romance, we felt like going a little crazy and eloping." I shrug helplessly with a shy smile._

_"We met in a club... It's a funny story, we met because of a spilled drink! Sebastian was dancing with a lovely young lady, and I... well, I have to admit something to you, darling." I cover my face. "I spilled the drink on her on purpose... I'm sorry, it was so manipulative, I just - every time I saw you, you were already with someone and - this felt like my only shot." I look at Stiles (?), who's chuckling._

_"In my defence, she was *not* very nice about it. So I think I saved Sebastian from a much worse fate than being a romantic fool." I smile at both of you cheekily. "Anyway, we had a drink, and danced together, and... I assume this won't shock you, but I invited him over to my place. And I guess I made an impression..." I raise an eyebrow, then realize I'm veering towards being my usual predatory self. And I really need to let my inner Richard take care of this, because he's doing *so well*... your big army fuckbuddy is still alive - *silent incoherent screaming* - which means I don't have to risk our elopement derailing because of one silly little vicious murder... I will *not* allow that to happen._

_You can do this, Jimmy... you can not-murder. I believe in you... now sally forth and be a sweet, charming vampire._

_Er - not-vampire._

_Be a *Bunny*._

 

 

Stiles chuckles at that. "Oh, I can just imagine - Sebastian has _no_ standards whatsoever."

Not. Helping. Mate.

I shoot him a glance. He catches it - of course he does, this is the one guy who knows me best in the whole world. He was closer to me than a brother - not that I ever had one... but he'll catch any signal I throw at him.

"However," he recovers, "where it comes to actual romance, it does appear he has excellent taste, if you don't mind me saying so. You seem like a very nice man, Richard. What on earth you want with a fleabag like Moran is beyond me..." he laughs, "but no, seriously - good for you two. Wow. I can't believe it."

He looks from one to the other.

"Heh, yeah - I told you, Richard... I never really was the romantic type. Never did _love_..." Don't raise your fucking eyebrows like that, Stiles! "... but - yeah - you know what they say - when it's right, it's right. And Richard -" I reach out my hand to you, you put yours in mine - cold - oh yeah - "... Richard is just... you know how you have a shot and the moment you start pulling the trigger you know it's a dead hit? Yeah, that's the feeling I had with Richard. I spent like a day and a half away from him, and it was hell. This is the big one, Stiles... and I'm so fucking blessed to have found it."

"Seriously, that is great, guys. I'm so happy for you both. Will you be away long? We should be in London for a few weeks, get in touch if you'd like to catch up when you're back. Hoyle is in Lancashire, but may be coming over in a week or two - we could properly celebrate you getting hitched instead of poor Demmings!"

I'd love that - I would really love to see them all again, have a drink, have a laugh, gush about my wonderful husband -

I smile at you.

 

 

_‘No standards’..._

_‘A fleabag like Moran’..._

_‘You seem like a very nice man, Richard’..._

_Ooooh, a *nice man*... that's what you want to be called. It's the sexiest thing there is..._

_Oh *yes*, let's celebrate! Why don't you contact as many of your hook-ups as you can find, and invite them, as well?!_

_I see myself leaping across the room at Stiles, you trying to hold me back, me throwing you into the wall..._

_Stiles, broken and bloody on the floor..._

_Sebastian, furious and crying... screaming at me to leave..._

_..._

_*No*._

_I suck in a breath I don't need. Stiles looks at me questioningly. You look at me with wide eyes._

_Yes, Sebastian? You *should* be worried about what I'm capable of..._

_Lucky for *you*, I am bound and determined to not cause a scene on our wedding day._

_It's going to a be a beautiful fucking day that we'll both remember for always._

_"You really want to know what a fleabag like Sebastian is doing with a nice man like me, Henry?" I ask conspiratorially. I look around the room, as if scanning for eavesdroppers... Stiles actually leans forward._

_"*You* must know Sebastian's a bad boy... Would he ever settle for nice?" I ask innocently. "Or would all this sweetness just melt away when the sun goes down... because the sun - always - goes - down. Doesn't it, Tiger?" I flash you a feral smile, and drink deep from my glass. When I finish, I lower my glass with an emphatic thump and run my tongue over my lips at you._

_Stiles is staring at me, transfixed. "Mystery solved, Henry?" I smile at him sweetly._

 

 

Oh -

Oh god what are you -

 _Jim_ -

 

I look at Stiles, who looks like he's just seen a cobra emerge from a pretty flower basket.

 

And then he breaks out in laughter.

"Oh - oh, _wow_ ," he laughs. "Oh, thank fuck for that..."

What the _fuck_ , Stiles?!

"I'm sorry, Richard," he says, "You had me convinced for a moment... and I was _really_ worried about you - poor guy... _and_ about Basher here.

But - nah, it looks like you're good. You do it _very_ well, though... totally had me fooled." He drinks down his pint.

"Looks like you two are well matched... good luck with him.

No, seriously, I mean it," he says, face suddenly earnest. "Seb - he's one of the best guys I've ever met. I mean, he's a hot-headed arsehole, of course, but - yeah. He deserves happiness.

And you - there's a lot more to you than meets the eye, that's clear.

You may just survive each other - and if you do, you may just make each other happy.

And - that is the greatest thing any of us could ever hope for in this life."

He gets up.

"Go for it, you mad kids," he grins. "I'll get out of your hair, so you can get ready for your trip. Have an amazing time."

He hugs me, turns to you, holds out his hand.

 

 

_Oh goody, I love it when the room goes silent for me..._

_You - staring, horrified... at what I might do? Honey if he were going to die, it would have happened by now._

_Stiles assesses me carefully like a fascinating, dangerous creature... ah, you see me *now*, don't you?_

_And then he's laughing, which is a*dor*able, and stop looking *so worried* Sebastian, I'm behaving, aren't I?_

_Hot-headed arsehole, huh... perhaps I'll be meeting him soon?_

_Stiles says some lovely things, yes yes, you may go now..._

_When he holds out his hand, I look at it. Then with a smile, I gracefully extend my hand, palm facing down._

_He grins and kisses it - smart boy._

_And then he's gone, and as the sound of the door shutting fades away, there is resounding silence._

_Our eyes lock._

 

 

Oh you - utter -

Oh god and Stiles _kisses your hand_ -

How lucky am I to end up with the world's utmost prima donna - who manages to get away with it in the face of one of the toughest soldiers in Her Majesty's employ?

I'm staring at you both wide-eyed, and then Stiles makes his exit, winks at us both, still chuckling to himself.

I look at you. Your face is unreadable. I feel uncomfortable - almost guilty - _fuck_ that, I haven't done anything _wrong!_ No one told me I should be _saving_ myself for my future husband. Besides, you like my skills...

"So..." I say, more nervously than I'd like. "That was Henry..."

 

 

_I stare at you for a long moment. I feel my eyes darken. I move towards you slowly._

_Within an instant, I have pushed you against the wall, plastering my body against you._

_"Oh... Henry..." I say lightly._

_"Tell me, Sebastian... Do you think I enjoyed meeting someone you've *been with* and *dreamed about* recently... sitting down for a drink with them... making plans to get together and celebrate?" I throw my head back and laugh darkly._

_"Do you?" I ask in a voice like fraying silk._

 

 

I'm picked up and pushed against the wall by a vampire... who laughs and looks at me like he's going to break my neck...

I gasp - stiffen -

\- so does my cock. What the _fuck_ , Sebastian... seriously? He's pushing you against the wall, throwing a jealous fit for _no reason at all_ and you find it _hot!?_

I swallow.

No - no, Jim Moriarty.

You may be hot, but I have _nothing_ to be ashamed of...

I pull myself up. I may not be stronger than you, but I'm taller, and can look down at you as I tell you how I feel -

"I don't know - didn't you? You should have - he's the closest thing to a friend I have. You saw what he was like - if there had been anything like _romance_ or _love_ between him and me, would he have been so genuinely delighted and cheerful? We fucked, yes - I fucked lots of people, Jim, it's a perfectly normal physical urge, and I refuse to apologize for not staying a virgin until marriage! What the fuck is wrong with you - you get into a huff any time I even _hint_ at having been with people before, or wanting to walk away - how fucking insecure are you?! I said I love you - I've never told anyone that in my adult life! I asked you to marry me! I gave you my _grandmother's ring_ \- you can be sure that no one else has ever even _seen_ that thing! What more do you want!?"

I push you away from me. You're crowding me.

You're standing a foot away, black eyes blazing. I'm sure mine blaze back.

 

 

_My mouth drops open. You're not giving me what I want? After I played so nicely??_

_*Sebastian*..._

_My non-beating heart twinges. And twinges again._

_I wince. That's *not* supposed to happen._

_*Stop* it, heart... You are not supposed to hurt after I *fucking died*!!_

_"I don't understand, Sebastian... did you not see me trying?" My voice wavers._

_Then my eyes narrow. No. We're not doing this now... this situation doesn’t call for sad and hurt._

_*Richard*... go and play, darling... Daddy's got this, now._

_"I'm confused - did you not see me sit and make polite conversation with your *fuckbuddy* who *you invited in for a drink* and expected me to just... *deal with it*?" I say softly, but my expression is anything but._

_I sense the gleam in my eyes, feel my lips curl into a small smile._

_"Darling? Did I get that right? Should I have just... sucked it up, buttercup?"_

_I huff out a laugh, and move towards you. "There are certain things that I will happily suck, Sebastian - but the day I sit back and *take something* is the day I walk into the daylight for the sunburn of a lifetime."_

_I move closer and closer as you watch me, eyes widening. "You're still getting to know me, my darling... but this is very important for you to understand." I tilt my head to observe you. "I don't *take* anything I don't want to..." I say in a silky, seductive voice, and press myself slowly against you. "*My* world... *my* rules... I whisper, and breathe in your scent. "*My Tiger*..."_

 

 

Those eyes... mesmerizing...

I want to just say 'Yes, Sir,' and do anything you want...

But _fuck_ it, you're being unreasonable!

"Oh really? Is that the way it's going to be? Your rules, meaning that I can't hang with any of my old army buddies? It's rare enough that I get to see them at all, and they're the only friends I have! I don't have family that I care for - they are my family! Demmings and Stiles, mostly - Hoyle is - a great guy, but we weren't that close. So you're telling me to stop talking to the one guy who's closer to me than a brother because you're _jealous!?_ Because you don't want to _take it?_ What's that supposed to mean!?"

 

 

_“That’s so sweet...” I growl. “And if you think I’m going to be OK with you getting together with someone you *fucked*...” I suck in my breath. “Oooh... darling... are you in for a surprise.” I brush over your protests. “I’m not *completely unreasonable*... If your army buddies are having a little reunion, I can be *gracious*. Don’t I seem like I can be *fucking gracious*?? And it’s not like you could cheat without my knowing! Vampire senses... remember, darling?”_

_I grin at you, making sure to show a little fang._

_“Besides, I trust you,” I say loftily. “But if you think I should be sweet and silent when I don’t *like* something... honey, you proposed to the wrong psychopath.”_

_I throw back my head and stare up at you with an arrogant smile. “Only you didn’t... did you. You want this. You *like* this...” I purr. “And you *need* this... don’t try to deny it, Sebastian. I know what you are...” I whisper into your ear._

 

 

I want to protest, tell you that I will get together with whomever I damn well please, and you can fuck right off with your _graciousness_...

I want to push you away, tell you to stop being a twat...

I want to punch that arrogant smile off your face...

I want to...

I want to fall to my knees in front of you...

I want to kiss your hand and ask you for forgiveness...

I want to stand here and shiver under the words you are saying...

"What do you mean."

I swallow.

"What do you mean by what I am..."

 

 

_"Hmm, what do I mean...?" I ask in a velvety voice as I run my hands down your chest and up to your neck. "Well, just to start - you're an adrenaline junkie, and an addict for sensation and danger. You fell in love with a psychopath, a criminal mastermind, and a *vampire*... you say it's not because I was a vampire... but your little fuck-friend who's like a brother to you was worried at the thought that you were with someone *nice*... because it wouldn't *work*, Sebastian. And you don't just want not-nice..." I purr. "You nearly got drained dry and you *came back* for me... and let me *chain you up*... You like danger, baby? I'm the embodiment of danger in *every* possible way..." I begin to move around you slowly, brushing lightly against you._

_"But that was just the superficial reading, darling... You want the good stuff, the deep down dirty business? I think you do... I think you *crave* it - you want me to tell you what you are?" I laugh softly, and move my hands up to your shoulders._

_"You want me to see what no one has *ever* seen... what no one has *ever* known about the big strong soldier, the commanding officer, the contract killer, the scary sonofabitch who's afraid of nothing... that Sebastian Moran wants *someone to tell him what to do*." My tongue moves along the back of your neck, and you shiver._

_"Sebastian Moran - wants *someone to make him his*..." My hands move along your throat and around your jaw._

_"Mmm... Sebastian Moran - *wants to be owned*..." I whisper seductively and move my hands down your chest._

_"And I'm here to make your deepest, darkest desires come true..." I say in a sighing voice, feeling your muscles start to go limp._

_I grasp your shoulders and twist you around quickly. "You want to fight me some more, Sebastian?" My fingers dig into your arms. "*Go on*... tell me I'm wrong. Rail at me, bluster at me, 'you can't tell me what to do!' You'll still come to the same place in the end... asking to hear the one word you want me to say... the one word that will give you your rightful place in the world... the one word that will make all this searching and struggling end, that will make your *fucking* dream come true. What's it going to be, Sebastian?" I growl, and pull you towards me. "What do you want me to give you? A fight? Or *just* - *one* - *word*?"_

 

 

Each word you say is a chisel chipping away at me, until all that is left is my naked soul...

 

 _Adrenaline junkie_ \- well, yes, everyone knows that.

 

I bristle at the _little fuck-friend_ , but...

someone nice wouldn’t work?

Richard... love... but - you’re right... I’d love intensely for a bit, but... in the long run... I’d get... bored? It pains me to say, but... probably... I’m so sorry, Richard...

 

 _chain you up_ \- cock _definitely_ getting hard...

 

 _embodiment of danger_ -

my mouth has dropped open and I’m breathing fast - dammit soldier - try to keep it together-

 

 _tell you what you are_...

Your tongue on my neck. Gooseflesh down my arms.

 

_wants someone to tell him what to do_

\- no - fuck off - I’m my own man -

 

Your hands on my throat - oh god -

_wants someone to make him his_

\- god - Jim - a choked sound in my throat -

 

 _wants to be owned_...

 

...

 _owned_.

 _Owned_.

 

My soul bifurcates.

There is the strong independent soldier. Tough. Doesn’t need anyone. Won’t let anyone tell him what to do.

The lone wolf.

It’s me. It’s who I’ve worked hard to be.

Behind him, someone I don’t recognize. He looks like me. He is still the strong soldier who takes no shit. He is still the very best at what he does.

And he’s on his knees, a chain around his neck. Held by a white, cold hand.

The captive tiger.

 

My soul, mercilessly bared. The next step will determine the path it takes. And the next step hinges on one word -

 

“What is the word?”

My voice is barely a whisper. But you heard.

 

 

_"Is that how you ask, Tiger?" I ask softly, gazing up at you. "For deliverance? For salvation?"_

_You take in a shaky breath. "Please..."_

_My seductive smiling face melts away, leaving cold white marble in its place._

_I stare at you for a long moment with a severity that borders on savage._

_Slowly I remove my hands from you, hearing a hitch in your throat._

_The only hint of desire in me is my ravening gaze, which I can feel blazing at you like obsidian hellfire._

_The word hovers, prepares to fall from my lips like a stone..._

_not just any stone..._

_the cold stone that has waited since time immemorial to hold the neck of the one who has been judged._

_Only your neck won't be waiting for a sharp axe slicing the air, but a gleaming chain snapping into place, securing you to me for all time._

_Are you ready for our true beginning, Tiger?_

_"*Kneel*.”_

_The stone drops at your feet with the full weight of destiny, echoing as if through a passage of centuries. *Millenia*._

_I look at the floor and then at you with coal-black, scorching eyes._

 

 

Your voice, so soft...

Someone responding ‘Please...’

that sounded like my voice - but surely I am not able to speak -

And then - you change. There is no trace of Richard now. Is this - the real you? As you are pulling down every layer covering me, are you unveiling yourself as well - showing the essence of Jim to the bare bones of Seb, and find out if they fit?

Your eyes... did I really think they were intense before? They shine with a fierce vivid darkness that completely absorbs me.

Time slows down as your mouth opens.

Our eyes are locked. I am unable to blink. I am unable to breathe. I am unable to move.

 

“ _Kneel_.”

 

The first soldier, the lone wolf, fades.

Was he even real? Was he - a spectre, a mirage chased all my life, for... what?

_You know why._

Why?

_All your life, you’ve worked so hard... to be the best, the strongest, the fastest._

_All so you would be worthy of being told to kneel here, now, by this man._

 

My eyes never leaving yours, I sink to my knees in front of you.

 

 

_The moment between us is eternity..._

_I stretch out a hand, and it feels like it spans a lifetime (lifetimes?) by the time I touch your face._

_I hold your jaw, stroke it._

_I gaze at you in rapt silence._

_My Tiger... *finally* mine..._

_"Your search is over, Sebastian... You found your rightful place in the world, and it's with me..."_

_I lean in closer, eyes gleaming. "Now... I want to hear it from you, darling. *What are you*?"_

 

 

You touch my face.

A blessing. A caress. An acceptance.

My rightful place in the world...

... with you.

On my knees.

My heart is beating so hard that I can’t think, can hardly breathe, but I clearly hear every word that you are saying.

What am I.

Not enough that you state it, it needs to come from my lips. I need to seal the contract that signs my life away to you.

I open my mouth.

 

I can get up and walk away. I can say I am not ready for this. I can tell you you’re mad.

 

I can’t.

I never could.

 

My heart rate slows as my mind calms down, my muscles relax.

This is it. Finally, after all these years of fighting, I need to fight no more.

I am home.

 

The syllable falls between us, and binds us together, stronger than any rings or contracts could.

 

“ _Yours._ ”

 

My head drops down, a sigh escapes - of relief, of release.

 

“... I am yours.”


	12. First and Last and Always

First and last and always: My calling, my time  
First and last and always: Mine  
First and last and always: 'til the end of the end of time  
First and last and always: Mine  
First and last and always: 'til the end of time  
First and last and always: Mine

 

 

_I gaze down at you during the long pause that precedes your words._

_It’s not even a question that you will say it... I simply wait and allow you your moment of reflection._

_Down deep I am the embodiment of calm, even as my hunger for you rises._

_I am the eye, and I am the storm._

_And I wait for you to deliver your own judgement._

_And you do..._

_Oh, you do, *so beautifully*..._

_with your head falling, and the sigh of a lifetime, you release your burden..._

_*Oh my Tiger*..._

_My hand moves through your hair, and then to your cheek, raising your face up._

 

_“Mine,” I reply, in a voice of iron and velvet - and with our solemn exchange of words, our compact is sealed, along with our fates._

 

_There is but one thing left to do in demonstration of our covenant..._

_My hands trail down to your shoulders, then grasp the fabric of your shirt. I pull down with force, and tear through the fabric. I throw the torn shirt to the floor, and stare down at you with eyes burning._

 

_“What I wish to do to you there’s no time for, Sebastian...” I whisper darkly. “This will have to tide me over... and you too, my love...”_

 

_I reach over to your bag, and rifle through until my hands close on the handcuffs._

_I look around the room, and spot a sturdy oak desk. I walk over to it and point at the spot in front of me on the floor._

 

 

I feel so heavy, and yet so light... Like I could never raise my head, could never get up off my knees, but at the same time, I feel like I'm floating, like a load I never knew I was carrying has fallen off me.

Your hand on my hair, my face. I look up at you. My love. My lord.

 

I don't know what happened. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't need to - it's out of my hands. It is in yours - as am I.

 

' _Mine._ '

 

My heart bursts open - I have been accepted.

Your hand, stroking - tearing off my shirt - your eyes devouring me -

Without thinking, I move my head back, baring my throat to you.

But no - you walk to my desk, point to the floor. I get up, walk over to you, and sink to my knees in front of you again.

 

 

_I watch you as you come to me, and fall back on your knees._

 

_"Tiger... our journey together has truly begun..." I murmur, gazing at you for a long moment._

 

_I caress your face and then trail my hand over your shoulder as I move around you slowly and gracefully as only a preternatural creature can._

_There is nothing slow or graceful about how I remove your clothes... Mine follow the tatters of yours, and the handcuffs are clapped over your wrists and affixed to the large brass handle on the desk drawer._

_I'm going to have to stay close to you to make sure you don't inadvertently yank the drawer out of the desk._

_This presents no significant problem... I intend to stay very close to you for every moment possible in our life together..._

 

_I sink to my knees on the carpet. My hand caresses your jaw, and turns your head to the side. I claim your lips with mine, and we kiss each other hungrily._

_Oh... we are more than ready for this..._

_I break off the kiss, and take the lube I had pulled out from my jacket. I coat my cock, and slide a slicked finger into you._

 

_"The things I'm going to do to you when we have night after night to fill, my darling..." I whisper, fingering you. "But for now... I need to claim what's mine in the time I have..."_

 

_I remove my finger, and kiss you possessively while rubbing between the cheeks of your arse with my cock._

 

_"Mmm..." I murmur, burying my nose into your neck. "You got your wish, Sebastian... you belong to *me* now..."_

 

_I push into you, moaning and digging my fingers into your hips._

 

 

My clothes are torn off me in the blink of an eye, and I'm chained. I don't know what you are going to do to me - and I don't care. In this moment, you could decide to drink me dry after all, and I'd let you. If that is what you desire - it's what you shall have.

But your clothes are discarded too, and I gaze up at your marble beauty...

And you kiss me, and the world disappears. There is only this. Here. Now. You. It has always been you. All there is… is you. And you are all there ever will be.

When the kiss ends, I struggle to remember where I am. Why my hands are twisted up and have iron digging into them. But your words... your promises... your eager, impatient finger...

I moan, and your mouth is on mine again, and then -

 

You _take_ me...

 

You _possess_ me...

 

My knees on the wooden floor, my arms hanging from my hands, tied to the desk, my hips held by the iron grip of your hands, you plunge deeply into me, and I _keen_... in ultimate surrender, ecstasy, passion -

Yours. Always, forever, yours. Inescapable. Irrevocable. Irresistible.

I don't know when tears started flowing.

 

 

_The sounds in the room swell... moaning... growling... the metallic clank of the cuffs, the wooden thump of the desk drawer... the slap of our bodies...your *keening*..._

 

_Oh god... *Sebastian*..._

_and then as I press my cheek against yours, I feel wetness..._

 

_Oh *fuck*... *so beautiful*..._

_I kiss the tears that I can reach, taste their salt..._

 

_"Oh Tiger, my love, my always..." I breathe, and reach for your cock. "Come with me... *Come for me*..."_

 

_As I stroke you, I move faster and harder in you, and new sounds are added to the room ... grunting, crying out, howling, all interwoven, creating the most beautiful cacophony..._

 

_"God, yes... fuck, *Tiger*..." I shout as I fuck you with abandon, pulling you hard against me again... again... again._

 

 

_Tiger... love... always..._

 

I didn't know I craved these words until you speak them, and I realize that I have been yearning for this, for confirmation of your love... even now you have stripped me bare, have chiselled away all my defences, have revealed my inner self, never before exposed, you still love me...

And you are possessing me, possessing my body, rough, raw, naked -

My entire body is pulsing with the vehemence of - everything, emotions, sensations, thoughts - _you_ \- and you tell me to come with you, come for you, and yes, I will come, of course I will, the first time as truly _yours_ , and you will come, for the first time truly possessing me, and the world may not explode, and we may both survive this, but if not, it was worth it, god, Jim, it was worth it...

You pound inside me with a maddening vehemence, and I am lost... so lost as my entire being contracts into my groin, and expands inexorably outwards...

 

 

_Amidst our ecstatic tremors, our violent shivers of pleasure, we are crying out and howling... and I don't know which noise belongs to who, because it's like we're the same being now... and it really doesn't matter._

 

_We are made of the stuff of stars..._

_We are twin explosions of vivid light, flaming comets flying out into the velvet blackness of the cosmos..._

_Out in the shimmering field of stars, we are suspended beyond time-space, beyond thought and word and feeling._

_But eventually there is desire..._

_Desire to see you again... feel you again..._

_My Tiger..._

 

_Slowly, slowly, I collect myself from where I'm scattered through the universe... and feel myself being gradually poured back into the vessel that is Jim..._

_Oh. My. Was that a love thing or a vampire thing?_

_I find myself collapsed against you, my completely unnecessary breathing matching your own. My face is buried in your shoulder, which rises and falls as you pant._

 

_Raising my head slightly, I murmur, "Sebastian? I really don't want to get dressed, but if we're going to go..."_

 

_I pull out, wincing. You sigh and lean your head against the dresser drawer._

_I take the key and uncuff you. You sit on your knees, blinking at me._

 

_I push you down and sit in your lap. Wrapping my arms around you, I press my face against yours._

_Your strong arms envelop me._

 

_I pull back to stare up into your eyes. “You’re home now, Tiger..." I whisper. “My beautiful love...”_

 

 

 _Home_...

The world is a daze, I’m not quite all back yet from my journey through the blackest expanses of the universe.

I’m not sure what happened. It was sex, of a kind... like the sun is a flame of a kind.

 

You look at my face, caress me, murmur sweet things. Things like ‘all right’ and ‘home’ and ‘love’.

 

Slowly, pieces of me come back, click into place, come online. Eventually, someone like Sebastian Moran is sitting here, his loving fiancé on his lap.

He tries movement. He tries speech. He feels like Frankenstein’s creation - newly cobbled together, and uncertain of his body and mind.

 

“Jim...” I look at you. I’m not sure what I’m asking, what I want to say.

 

 

_I observe you closely, as I stroke your face. I took you for a deep dive into true submission, and it looks like you’re still transitioning back from that shadowy place of ultimate surrender._

 

_“Sebastian... there’s no rush. If we have to catch the next flight, we will...” I caress your cheeks, planting gentle kisses along your jaw._

 

_“If you feel strange, it’s normal. Submission can be intense as it is, and the depth that you went, what I demanded of you... is not what most people are equipped to handle. It’s like you were in a crucible... melted down... and reformed as something new. More pure, more strong, more *true*... truly Mine, my Tiger...” I whisper, and kiss your lips._

 

_“And it affected me, too. It was *alchemy*... we’re both something different than we were before. Do you feel it? I loved you, and it can’t compare to what I feel for you now...” I say softly, pressing my forehead to yours._

 

_“Are you alright, darling? Do you need a drink or anything?”_

 

 

Your eyes are looking into mine, so deeply - and there's such love there, such genuine care...

I realize there are tears on my cheeks. Did I cry?

You're reassuring me, telling me that my feelings are normal...

How can they be normal, Jim? Surely no one has ever experienced this?

You say submission can be intense, yeah, I know, I've played the submissive role before, but this - this wasn't - this isn't - this isn't playing a role. This is -

Yes. I was melted down. Scattered into a million million atoms, and put back together the way you want me to be.

Truly yours...

Do I _feel_ it? That question again, the third time one of us asks it - and every time we were deeper, further...

 

"Yes..." I whisper. "Yes, I feel it... and yes, I am different... yours... completely...

... and yes, I need a drink. Please," I sigh, my head leaning back against the leg of the desk. I feel like I've run a marathon...

 

You get up to get me a drink, and no, I don't want that - don't go -

 

Breathe, Sebastian.

 

You can do this. You are still a strong, capable soldier. Not a newborn kitten, despite what you might feel like. Just breathe.

 

 

_My sweet Tiger... you seem so disoriented, hollowed out... I have to take care of you, make sure you feel grounded before we leave..._

_I caress your hair one more time before I leave to go to the kitchen. Being away from you feels like I've left a warm room and been expelled into cold air... I don't like it._

_I peek into your pantry in case you need some soup. Jesus, when was the last time you bought groceries?_

_I fill a glass with cold water, and bring it to you._

 

_"Here you go, darling" I say, placing it in your hand. "Or - did you mean a *drink*?"_

 

 

I drink it down, the cold liquid pouring down my throat aiding in making reality more solid, my mind more clear. I take a deep breath, look at you. You are looking back at me assessingly, not in an unsympathetic way, but calculating what I might need, trying to ensure that I don't lack anything I might require... and I guess that's the other side of the ownership, isn't it, Jim? With great power comes great responsibility... if you want to own a Tiger, you have to know how to take care of it.

 

I smile at you, you smile back.

I don't know what else to say.

 

"Thank you."

 

 

_Hmm... this experience is affecting you more than I realized... I'd had experiences dominating people before, but never to this level..._

 

_"You're welcome, darling..."_

 

_Why are we being formal all of a sudden? I feel like we're going to have a conversation about firing the gardener, or buying a horse._

 

_"I'm getting you a real drink." I think I need a shot of something, too. "Where-?"_

 

_You point, and I follow your finger towards the liquor cabinet, where I swipe a bottle of whisky and a couple of glasses, and bring them to you._

_We sit naked on the floor together, and clink glasses._

_I neck half my whisky and cough. And sputter violently._

 

_"Oh *god*," I mutter, and put my glass down. You stare at me, looking concerned._

 

_And I realize - it's exactly what happened at the bar between you and Richard._

_I throw back the remaining whisky, and have a coughing fit._

 

_"It's *wretched*," I say hoarsely and grin at you._

 

 

 Oh yes, thanks - that water was good, but a proper drink is most welcome.

The whisky burns down my throat, the alcohol enters my blood, and I feel instantly calmer, less high strung. I take a deep breath, sigh -

and you explode into a fit of spluttering and coughing. Jim?

I try to assess if you need help - someone to pat your back?

No, you knock back the rest - and head straight into another coughing session.

I guess you don't like Aldi's Highland Black?

 

"It's _fine_ ," I grin. "It's won awards, you know."

 

"I really need to have a word with Alder... we should up the pay for assassins, so they can afford some decent booze..." You shake your head.

 

I laugh. "I _like_ it. It's better if you let it breathe for a bit, but if you drink it straight from the bottle, it has a nice kick to it."

 

I realize we're talking normally again - the whisky seems to have done the trick. Thinking back to what happened - ( _kneel_ ) - makes me shiver, but it's something that happened, not something that is still overwhelming me - not if I don't think about it too much, that is...

Bloody hell.

 

I look at you, scowling at the whisky bottle like you're not sure if you're going to smash it for the insolence.

 

"We better get moving..." I say.

 

I pull myself up, manage to stand upright. Help you get up, have a good stretch.

I think I'm sort of back in the real world again.

 

 

_You're smiling and laughing again... and getting up. Drinking *does* have quite a calming effect on you - even something as wretched as this whisky. I file the information under categories Sebastian Moran: Psyche Overall, and Sebastian Moran: Things to Watch._

_Whimsically, I have renamed the fattened file *The Care and Feeding of Your Tiger*, but I don't think I'll mention that to you. Not for a while yet._

 

_I drag you into the bathroom for a quick rinse - in the shower I express dismay about your bath products as I tenderly wash you. You return the favour, and we kiss each other as we wash._

_By the time we're drying off and I'm complaining about your towels, I check the time and realize how little time I have to pack._

 

_"I'm not going to have time to try anything on!" I grumble, as we get dressed. "I'm going to have to get married in a suit that I haven't *tried on* since I bought it!" And I continue to gripe about this in the car until you shut me up with your mouth, and kiss me languidly until we've arrived at my penthouse._

 

_"No sex, I need to pack" I warn you in the lift, in between kisses as you press me against the wall._

_"I mean it," I murmur, as I unlock the door behind me and we stumble into the living room._

 

 

Don’t like my whisky, don’t like my body wash, don’t like my towels...

But it’s good-natured grumbling, a friendly ribbing, and I give as good as I get. “You’re awfully snobbish for a nouveau-riche” gets me a punch in the arm.

 

Your penthouse is huge and tastefully decorated, but I only have eyes for you - I’m on fire inside, kindled days ago but poked into a blaze earlier and not looking to die down any time soon...

I just want to drown in you over and over again...

You march me to... a fitness room?

 

“Tiger. Blow off some steam here while I pack, or we’ll never make that flight. It’s fifty minutes to Heathrow - you’ll get your chance to get your paws on me in the car,” you state, walk out, and - lock the door?!

 

Well. That’s me told.

I look around the room - excellently equipped. And you’re probably right, it’ll be good to blow off some steam, see how my strength is doing.

I head to the chest press machine, start pressing.

 

 

_In my bedroom, I haul out my suitcase and throw it on the bed. Then I stand in my enormous walk-in closet and peruse the dazzling display of clothing I have to choose from. And shortlist. And neatly pack into a suitcase and garment bag in the next twenty minutes. A litany of curses rings out as I go through my choices and start making my selections._

_As my suitcase fills up halfway, I realize I've only packed clothing and accessories. Clearly, I need to pack a few things of the 'enjoying your hot new husband' variety. I wander over to the section of the closet where I've stored my equipment. It feels like it's been forever since I used them... and mostly from my previous human life._

 

_That reminds me - I need to make a call to my contacts at airport security. I usually have this done for me, but this has all been rather sudden and madcap. I place the call, and confirm details, while sliding various items into a black suede bag, including a travel restraint set, and a variety of travel-friendly implements to thrash you with. I have no idea what I'll be in the mood for, so it's good to be prepared._

_By the time twenty minutes is up, my suitcase has been zipped closed, I'm dressed and looking fabulous, and I'm checking my phone to access the video footage from hidden cameras in my penthouse. I select the fitness room camera and watch you as you work out._

 

_Oh... my..._

_*Grunting*..._

_So many large muscles flexing..._

_So much *grunting*..._

 

_I've avoided staying at my penthouse very often, as I haven't really liked remembering my old human life... but living here is looking a whole lot better, when I'm finally married to you._

_I watch for a minute longer, hearing various noises rise from my throat._

_Then I saunter out to release my gorgeous fiancé from his masculine prison and take him to Vegas to marry me._

 

 

I’ve worked up a good sweat when I see you walk in.

I gasp - fuck, you look _amazing_. Head to toe in black; a suit with a subtle shine to it, black shirt and tie, black shoes, your hair slicked back, sunglasses - it’s dark, but who cares - you look astonishing.

I am tempted to pounce on you, but I’m aware I’m sweaty, so probably not the best idea... also, I only have to wait until we’re in the car.

 

I have the world’s quickest shower and throw on some clean clothes, then carry your suitcase to the car.

As I’m doing so, I realize there’s no reason for me to do so - you’re the stronger of the two of us. But - it just feels right...

 

 

_As we leave through the front door (me looking polished and stunning, you looking so big and powerful next to my compact form), I feel downright smug about us as a couple. We fit differently since our time together in your flat. We move together differently. Your posture is one of deference and worship. Your eyes are scanning our environment for threats, and when we pass by someone on the street who stares at me, your eyes narrow. You look quite willing to put someone down on the ground for looking at me the wrong way, or speaking to me directly._

_I love it. I've had bodyguards before, but not like *this*..._

 

_By the time we get to the car, I'm feeling downright arrogant. As the driver packs away our suitcases in the boot, you open the door and gallantly gesture at me to go in ahead of you. I slide in, gracefully and smirking._

_You join me, and I take your hand._

 

_As we drive to Heathrow, I look at the buildings we pass and my mind turns briefly to the cabals._

_Then with an ease I haven't felt since before I was turned, I dismiss them from my mind._

 

_Later, bloodsuckers._

 

_The Vampire Moriarty is leaving London temporarily... and when he returns, it's a whole new game._

_I lean my head against the seat cushion, and turn to look at you._

 

_"On our way at last, Tiger... " I purr, and pull you down for a kiss._

 

 

I know that you are strong and powerful and whatnot, but I feel - protective, in a different way than I felt of Richard. Like a knight is protective of his King, not because the King is weak or vulnerable, but because he is so important and cherished.

 

When we’re in the car, you kiss me and I moan softly - the fire is still very much alive and only needs the slightest touch to blaze up fiercely again.

I want you, I want everything from you, everything with you, but we will be on a long flight soon, so I best make this count...

I press the division up between the driver and us, looking at you full of hunger.

Echoes from before...

 

 _Kneel_...

 

My body trembles at the memory, my cock twitches...

I slide to my knees in front of you, lick my lips reverentially, move my hands to your trousers.

 

 

_You’re looking at me with burning desire… *scorching* intensity. I watch you as you drop to your knees on the floor of the car and gaze up at me. Your hands are on my trousers, and I caress your hair._

_You undo my trousers, start to pull them down along with my pants. I raise my hips and feel the fabric move down over my thighs. Slowly I push your head down towards my hardening cock._

 

 

You pushing my head down feels so hot, so right... wow, I’m on a submissive trip, aren’t I? But it’s more than that - it’s real, it’s proper, it’s the world always having been slightly off and suddenly falling into place.

I take you into my mouth, that beautiful strong cock, and begin my magic - I know I can do this well and I know you only deserve the best, so I give it my all...

 

 

_My hands remain on your hair. My eyes close momentarily, as I feel your amazing lips and tongue. I hear a low groan in my throat._

 

_No. Eyes open. I want to watch this - I want to watch you as you pleasure me. Oh god... your eyes are open too, and it’s so fucking intimate. I’ve never had a blow job like this... it didn’t even cross my mind that something that I always thought of as subservient could be *so fucking beautiful*._

 

_“God...” I moan. “*Tiger*...”_

 

 

It appears that the name has stuck, and I like it. Tigers are large and beautiful and fierce - and very protective...

 

I love your moan, the fingers tightening in my hair, your dark eyes looking down at me, the sunglasses having been moved into your pocket as we entered the car. The air between us feels charged with sexual tension, even as I am taking you in deeply. I moan, open my own trousers with one hand.

 

 

_Oh god... so hot..._

_My eyes flick to where your hand is unfastening your trousers, and then back to you._

 

_"Sebastian..." I growl softly. "Yes, *you may*... but remember, darling. *I come first*..."_

 

_I stare at you as you pause, then slowly return to what you were doing. Your eyes remain on mine, and it's a wonder the entire interior of the car doesn't combust into flames. Your trousers and pants are expertly peeled down, and your cock emerges. I glance down to watch your hand on your cock, and fuck that's beautiful, I'm going to need you to do this for me so often... not only to observe your technique, but because... oh my fucking god... *Sebastian*..._

 

_My hand presses harder against your head, and I moan loudly._

 

 

Your growl sends gooseflesh all down my body. Oh _fuck_... oh god, of course, I belong to you now - I can't just grab my cock without permission –

I moan against you in affirmation, and my cock pulses.

 

Why is it that this makes me so incredibly hot and happy? Me, who'd fight anyone who thought about telling me what to do... groaning with delight at being told what to do by some - vampire... but that's not it, it's not the fact that you're a vampire, I don't think - I mean, I'll have to try meeting another vampire, but I strongly suspect that it's just you, and that I'd have fallen for you when you were a human as well... if what you're saying is true, if you'd built up that entire criminal network by 25... you must have been quite something even as a human.

 

And with other people - I would be furious if they told me what to do because most of the time they were twats who didn't know what they were talking about, like my dad, like half the army commanders; and because they would be too weak to enforce their authority - I can't accept authority that isn't backed up by strength. Not necessarily physical strength - strength of will, of personality... but no one ever was a match for my stubbornness.

 

Until now... physical strength that can pick me up and throw me, and a personality that can bring me to my knees with just a _look_... fuck, what an effect you must have on others...

 

Your hand is pushing me down deeper, and I turn all my attention back to the task at hand, stroking myself as I move my head up and down with gusto.

 

 

_I keep trying to watch your hand stroke your cock, watch your eyes on me, so *reverent*..._

_God, it's even more beautiful to see your expression than your lips on my cock..._

_my hand strokes your cheek, then returns to your head._

 

_My fingers twist in your hair, and throwing my head back, I urge you on._

 

_"God... fuck... *so good*..." I groan, and feel the first shivers begin to move through me._

 

_I thrust into your mouth, holding your head in place, and my cries and gasps fill the car._

 

 

Oh yes, there we are... shivers, shocks, groans, gasps, cries even - that's right, my beautiful vampire, let yourself go, it's alright, I got you... I know _exactly_ what you need...

 

And I'm giving it to you, giving you what no one else ever could give you, could they? Of course not... who could make you buck, writhe, whimper like this?

 

Come for me, my dark lord, my otherworldly prince, tasting vaguely of my inferior body wash...

 

And yes, there you are, your lust filling my mouth, rewarding my efforts, and your nails are digging into my scalp, and I shiver, my hand moves faster, and I follow suit - my seed shooting against the seat as I gasp and moan, your cock still in my mouth.

 

 

_I remain with eyes closed, head against the seat cushion, listening to your the last of your orgasm. After a long moment, I look down at you. With a purring noise in my throat, I caress your hair. Then I take your face in my hands and pull you into a kiss._

 

_I look down at your face gazing at me with adoration, and gesture with my head to join me on the seat._

_You do, fastening up your trousers, and exhaling slowly. I look down where your semen is on the seat in between my legs._

 

_I shake my head with faux disapproval. "Well... *that* would have got someone punished spectacularly. I'll just have to find another reason to take a strap to you on our honeymoon..." I grin. I jump onto your lap, sling my arm around your shoulder, and bury my face in your neck._

 

 

Fuck...

... where am I...

... on my knees in a car, your cock shrinking in my mouth...

I lick the last of your semen up, look up at you, see you looking down at me. Your hand moves to my hair, and you pull me up, your mouth on mine... Jim...

 

You nod to the seat and I lift my body up, still feeling a bit disoriented - fuck, sex with you is a heady affair... not for the faint of heart...

 

And then you speak of punishment, and my poor cock tries to twitch again, despite just having been exhausted - god, you are going to be the death of me -

and then I have a lap full of Dark Lord, who suddenly seems a lot more like a Bunny again, grinning at me, cuddling close -

God.

Definitely not for the faint of heart...

 

I wrap my arms around you, kiss the top of your head, whisper "I love you...

God, Jim… I love you..."

 

 

_"Oh, my sweet Tiger..." I murmur back, pressing a hand against your cheek. "I love you, too."_

 

_I nuzzle your cheek. "You're all I care about in this godforsaken world, and I'm determined to keep you happy and sated and safe. And what I put my mind to, I achieve without question."_

_I lean my head against your shoulder, and sigh - dare I say it happily? I consider this outlandish thought, poke at it for weaknesses._

_At least in this moment - I think, happiness._

 

_"Oh, Tiger..." I breathe. "I don’t know how you accomplished it... but you've made a furious psychopath and a lost, mournful vampire put aside his negative feelings just long enough to feel blissful.” I stroke your cheek._

_“I think I might even feel happy in this moment," I whisper as if I'm divulging a terrible secret. "But it's so strange that such a good feeling comes with an aching feeling... like, it *cuts me* to feel this way. I don't know why I should feel this way... I love you, and I get to have you for always._

_Why would that *hurt*, Tiger?"_

 

 

Your words make my heart swell up until I am afraid my chest is incapable of containing it ... it may break my ribs when it bursts out...

 

 _all I care about_...

 _determined to keep you happy and sated and safe_...

 

And then you talk about your own feelings - oh yes, it must be confusing for you... if you're really a psychopath, if you've never been in love... I mean - not that I am an expert...

 

"I don't know, my Jim," ( _my_ Jim) "maybe it's like when you're using a muscle that you never use? The heart is a muscle, after all... maybe it aches when you first use it, but that means it's getting stronger.

But I feel the same... it hurts, but it's also so good... maybe it's because of the intensity, I don't know...

All I know is that I never, ever want to lose this..."

 

I hold you close, my Dark Lord, who now is a little boy on my lap confessing to his fears, and you are all of this and more, you are my entire universe; I don't know what I did before I met you, what I thought, what I felt - how I was even alive... I was just an automaton, going through the motions, just a wooden puppet, who's now become a man...

 

My heart does expand, to envelop both of us, feeling your heart inside mine, not beating, but burning so intensely.

We sit like that for an eternity.

The car turns into a car park.

Heathrow.

 

 

_The rest of the journey I spend on your lap, with my head on your shoulder, being held by you._

_I think about what you said... about learning to use my heart._

_*Poor heart* - I barely heard a whisper from you when you were beating. Ever since you went still, I became more aware of you... and when Sebastian entered my life, it's like you were all I could hear. And maybe you're hurting because of all the ways I never listened... after I buried you under thick stone walls under the directive of my cold, flinty mind._

_But I need you now, my heart... if I'm going to treat my Tiger as he deserves to be treated. If I'm going to enter into the devoted partnership I realize I've been longing for all along... you need to stay open. No matter what I say in the heat of the moment. No matter how much I scream and fight._

_Because you are the only thing that lies in between me and becoming a true monster. And now that I have my sweet Sebastian, that *can't happen*._

 

_You're the only line of defence, dear heart._

 

_First and Last and Always._

 

_And the line must hold._

 

_When the car arrives at Heathrow, I turn to you and kiss you with a passion that seems to shocks us both._

 

_"You will *never* lose this..." I whisper fervently. "I swear with all that I am. My heart is yours, and I leave it in your keeping."_

 

 

I don’t know where that came from, what you were thinking while we were sat like this, but it’s so welcome...

 

“Thank you, my love... it’s the greatest gift imaginable, and I will take the utmost care of it. I will cherish it, and love it, and nourish it, and keep it safe, and do everything I can to keep it happy.”

 

I kiss you. We’re such soppy sweethearts... no one would guess we’re a vampire and an assassin...

The driver waits patiently for us to open the door. I grin at you, open it, get off your lap, exit on my side. He takes out our suitcases, I pick both up, and we head into the terminal.

You motion me towards a side door, where an airport employee is waiting. He leads us through, puts our suitcases on a trolley, and guides us through some mazy corridors to the first class lounge, telling us our suitcases will be brought to our car in Las Vegas.

I look at you appreciatively. And I wonder what you have in that suitcase, if it couldn’t travel through customs...

I hope you brought some weapons. I feel vulnerable without them.

We get, in your words, a  _decent_ whisky, and soon we’re told that our flight is up.

 

 

_We settle into first class and before long, we're in the air. There's champagne, food, drinks... perusing the film selection, cuddling against each other, holding hands... whispering into each other's ears, and kissing sweetly... and whenever our eyes meet, I feel that current move through us. Just like from the night we met... when I had asked the very first time, "Did you feel that?"..._

_I still do. But I can hold off jumping you for a few hours... I think._

 

_When you ask me what film I want to see, I select Twilight. You chuckle, and give me one of your big toothy grins._

_God, I could look at you smiling for a century. Well, a *lifetime*. Don't think of that. (Fuck's sake, Jim.)_

_So we settle in to watch Twilight - at last! There are so many sly, knowing looks, and so much giggling._

 

_And eventually we get to this part in the film:_

_Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…_

_Bella: What a stupid lamb..._

_Edward: What a sick, masochistic lion._

 

_I turn to you and lift my headphones. You follow suit._

 

_"You *are* a sick, masochistic Tiger... But if you call me a stupid Bunny, there will be hell to pay," I warn, making you snigger._

 

 

"I wouldn't dream of it. You'd have me thrown out of the door. And I'll accept masochistic - but sick? What's a little necrophilia between friends?"

 

 

_My mouth drops open. “Necro-“ I stop, eyes narrowing._

 

_“Oh, that’s clever, very clever, oh wait, *it’s not*. Do I look *dead* to you... eejit?” I growl, and gesture at myself. “Take a long, hard look, Sebastian. You might want to retract that assessment. Either way, you *are* paying for that... just not in public,” I say loftily and replace my headphones._

 

 

I grin at you widely. OK, that was maybe not the wisest thing to say. _I_ thought it was funny, though.

You're staring at the film with a stern impression, which just serves to make me feel more impish. I nuzzle your neck, and you shoulder me away. I nuzzle back, and you shoulder again. I slide my hand up your leg, and you slap it. I moan softly in your ear at that, and you start giggling.

 

 

_Oh, so now you want to be *affectionate*... I don’t think so, darling... I push you off me twice, and slap a wayward hand. Your moan has me giggling, despite my best intentions to stay grumpy at you. I pause the film, and look at you._

 

_“Don’t think you’re getting off scot-free... or getting off full stop. Bad Tigers suffer consequences,” I murmur against your ear. “So if that’s what you were aiming for... mission accomplished!”_

 

 

"I was joking, Jim... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," I smile.

But -

"Wait - I didn't _actually_ hurt your feelings, did I? I mean - I know I can have a dark and cruel sense of humour - many soldiers have, it's the only way to stay sane - but - if I really did upset you, I'm really sorry... I'm not saying that to get out of punishment or whatever - I really don't want to make you feel bad."

I look at your face, try to read it. Did I fuck up already?

 

 

_I shrug. "I'm not upset. I know you were joking..."_

 

_You continue looking at me, and I roll my eyes. "You don't think I would let you know if I were upset? You will *always* know if I'm unhappy about something. But OK, I'm still sensitive about the whole 'dead' thing... I had a death wish, yeah. But - I wasn't ready to go yet. And besides, it was *done to me*, and that I can't abide." I feel my eyes gleam. "Yeaaah, sooo... I still have some issues to work out... "_

 

 

Anger rather than sadness, by the look of it - which is much easier to deal with.

 

"Yeah, I can't say I'm happy about someone killing you - _quite_ the opposite..." I growl. "At least he's dead. Really dead, I mean. Ugh. Sorry, my mouth isn't always to be relied on to say the sanest things..."

 

I lean my head on your shoulder. "More Twilight? I have to admit, when you first invited me to a Twilight marathon, I hadn't expected it to take place in mid-air en route to our wedding..."

My hand finds yours, our fingers intertwine, I raise our hands up and kiss the back of yours.

 

 

_"Mmm... neither did I. Well, as much as I was looking forward to snuggling on the sofa with a hot, beautiful man I got to come home with me... I'd rather watch it on a flight to our Vegas wedding, any day..." I lean in and kiss you._

 

_As much as I'm enjoying the film, we miss a lot of it due to all the kissing and cooing and whispering, and suddenly I realize the credits are rolling._

 

_"Shall we – mmm - snog through - New Moon next?" I ask you in between kisses._

 

 

I glance at the screen -

"Oh, it's finished? Did he save her? Must have done, there's four more films to come... I worry that we might not be able to finish them all on this flight, you know. We may have to watch some on the way back... Which should be fine, if we watch it in the same manner..." I nuzzle your ear, which causes the cutest gooseflesh on your arms...

The next film starts up. It may well be New Moon. It may also be Caligula. I'm sure I don't care.

 

 

_"Oh, we won't get through them *all*... look at how much we've missed, we couldn't possibly keep up with the storyline. Especially once they start introducing a love triangle with an obnoxious lupine shapeshifter... the supposed soulmate of her future child, no less!" I say scathingly, and begin to kiss along your jawline as the film plays._

 

 

Why would I look at Edward Cullen when I have such a superior specimen right here? I have to admit I fancied Robert Pattinson when I first watched the films - but that was before I knew what vampires are _supposed_ to look like... pale and dark and with eyes you drown in... though equally possessive, I grin. I don’t mind... I am so happy to be possessed...

 

The story might have gone in an entirely different direction if Bella had been equally keen. But who would kneel for Edward... not me. Brooding little sod.

 

Nah, the real deal... black eyes that make me shiver... a voice that caresses like a razor blade... kisses that make me melt...

 

 

_We're not too far into New Moon when the hint of their impending separation occurs, and both of us immediately tense... it seems to remind us of Two Days that neither of us want to think about. We get more and more agitated and then - it happens. Edward leaves, Bella goes catatonic, and the months start flying by. We look at each other intently, and I see pain and sorrow in your eyes. I throw off my headphones, pull yours off, and once again we're in each other's arms, kissing madly._

 

 

Oh yes, that empty feeling... I can relate, Bella...

I recall I used to look down on her for being so inconsolable for so long. Goes to show you shouldn't judge people unless you've walked in their shoes... If I wouldn't have seen you again, what would I have done? It's not that I didn't want to move on or anything... it's just that my entire life suddenly seemed so meaningless...

 

Geez. I'm Bella Swan. Great...

You look at me, and you look scared - remembering the same time, my Jim?

And there we are, kissing again, confirming our togetherness in the face of stupid films which apparently got things more right than I expected.

 

 

_I don't remember much of New Moon after this... there is far too much kissing, whispering, caressing to do..._

_God... everything has changed since your apartment. What would things have been like if..._

 

_*God*, I think in shock. This is all because that fucker Stiles showed up. Well, I still wish I could have killed him, I think to myself, sulking. In fact, I'm royally pissed off that I *shouldn't* if I want to be considerate of your *feelings*._

 

_Stupid *feelings*. Stupid *love*..._

 

_I don't mean that. Yeah, I do, *a little*._

 

_I nip your neck the next time I kiss you, making you shiver. I'll just channel all this silky, sulky rage into the next time I thrash you... and the next and the next... it's a good thing I've already decided to call you Tiger. You are going to be so *delightfully stripey*... I purr at the thought, and nuzzle your cheek._

 

 

Your teeth in my neck make me shiver delightfully. I find myself kind of looking forward to the next time you bite me, which definitely means I’m mental. But there’s something so delicious about offering up your throat to a predator... offering him your lifeblood...

I wish we weren’t on a plane... that session in the car was hot, but all this kissing and fondling makes me gasp for more already...

Though on the other hand, I’m getting quite tired again. I guess I am still feeling the consequences of the blood loss - and I had a good workout earlier, even though it was only half an hour.

I’m trying to pay attention to the film when you do, but my eyes keep falling closed, and I keep missing bits...

 

 

_Oh, Se*bas*tian... I caught that shiver when I bit you... felt your surrender move through your muscles... you want to offer yourself to the vampire so soon? Mmm..._

_I give you a knowing look, but say nothing._

_And then I notice your eyelids fluttering... ohh, poor Tiger. Still recovering from the last time..._

_That will *never* happen again... but I did enjoy your blood so very much..._

_And I am no Edward Cullen - I will happily take your blood, my darling. And give you just a taste of mine..._

 

_“Sleep, Sebastian... I murmur. “You need rest, and Twilight can wait. I’ll watch over you...”_

 

_Your eyes stay closed, but there’s a smile on your lips. I nestle against you, and feel your breathing grow slower and deeper._

 

_Mmm... I can’t wait to get off this stupid plane. I want you all to myself in a dark room... naked and trembling and at my mercy._

 

 

When I wake up, my favourite film is playing, Time To Destination. And it's only an hour.

 

You smile at me.

"Hey, sleeping beauty... had a good nap?"

 

"I did, actually..." I yawn and stretch. "Wow - I've been out for hours. Sorry..."

 

"It's fine," you smile. "You need to regain your strength...

 

“They came round with food when you were asleep but I didn't want to wake you - he said to let him know when you would like it."

 

Oh, food, yes... good idea. The moment you mention it my stomach starts grumbling. It's been ages since our last meal - that was when we'd just got on the plane. Though to be fair, I did eat most of yours...

You ring the steward and he brings a tray of delicious-smelling fare for both of us. Again, I eat most of your food, though you have a nibble here and there for the taste, and we have a glass of wine each.

This reminds me though -

 

"You will probably need to eat when we've landed?"

 

 

_I'm sipping my wine when you ask. I swallow and twirl my glass, staring at the red liquid swirling inside._

_I look up at you._

 

_"I want to be at my best for our wedding... not thinking of how hungry I am. So, yes. I will. I can pop out to a bar for a drunk tourist, and meet you back at the hotel? It won't take me long... just a quickie."_

_I grin at your surprised expression. "*That* was for the little wisecrack about necrophilia, darling..."_

_I toss back the rest of the wine, and lick my lips with satisfaction._

 

 

Yes... of course.

It is so weird to think of you having to go and - kill someone -

I mean, it's not that I have a problem with you going and killing people - but living off their blood - it's just a very alien concept.

And I worry - you going out on your own, in an unknown environment...

... but what use would I be?

Hold on - unknown environment -

 

"What are you going to do with the body? It will raise suspicions if a body is found drained of blood..."

 

 

_"Not to worry, my dear. I already connected with an American business partner, and he's hooked me up with locals. The body will be dealt with... it's not my first rodeo, Sebastian," I drawl, and tip an imaginary ten-gallon hat._

_"Not that I've *technically* been to a rodeo. Should we visit a rodeo?" I gaze off for a moment. "Not that I don't appreciate kitsch, but... god, that's a bit much, isn't it. No rodeos, then..."_

 

_You seem lost in thought. "Are you going to be OK with this, Sebastian? You could come with me for my safety if you prefer, but... I'm not sure that would make you feel any better...?"_

 

 

I...

for the first time, I don't know, Jim.

Like I said, I don't have a problem with killing people - one every night is a bit more than my usual rate, but hey, you are saving a hell of a lot of cows and chickens from being eaten.

But the risk... of someone seeing you, harming you... just the thought of you going out on your own and me waiting for you to come back and just... waiting forever...

it closes my throat, makes it hard to breathe.

 

"If I wouldn't be in your way... I would like that, yes." I admit.

 

 

_I observe you closely. "All right," I concede. "You can come with me to the bar. Just... stay at a distance when I'm doing it..." I say carefully._

_Contract killing proclivities aside, you're still human (Still?? No, *just human*, I tell myself firmly)... and I have no idea how you'll react to seeing a vampire literally sucking the life out of someone._

_Like... could you potentially realize you don't want to be with a bloodsucking fiend...?_

_Fuck... I better pick someone *fucking* obnoxious... I suspect Vegas will be rife with them..._

 

_"I promise to choose someone deplorable..." I assure you, placing my hand on your arm. "*Hateful*, if I can..."_

 

 

Oh sweetheart... are you afraid I will get upset?

 

“Jim... you don’t need to worry about that. I don’t much approve of people, in general. I don’t get upset when they die. There are only a few people whose death would distress me, and none of them are in Vegas.”

 

You look at me. “Who are they?” you ask, carefully neutral.

 

“You, in the first place,” I reply. “Then my mother, my grandmother, Demmings, Stiles - thanks for not killing him, I know it was hard on you - and I guess Hoyle.

So that’s five people I’d rather you didn’t kill, leaves you seven billion others that are fair game.

Honestly, darling ... it won’t bother me. But thank you for thinking of me.”

 

I move sideways, trying not to disturb the trays, and kiss your neck.

 

 

_I narrow my eyes as you kiss my neck - fucking *Stiles* again. "*Hard* on me, yes... so very hard..." I say in a soft purr that spills over the edges into a growl. "It took monumental effort, and I'll thank you not to forget..."_

 

_You look up at me in concern, and I stroke your face. "But you can make it up to me, never fear... in so many ways, over and over again, until I'm satisfied..." I whisper, and kiss your lips._

 

_Then I beam at you. "Well! I'm delighted that you're not having a crisis at the thought of me sucking someone's neck like a juicy peach." Was that too vivid an image? My mouth is watering at the thought... it's all I can do not to lick my lips lasciviously. *God*, do I need a good meal... and then a good lay._

_"It'll be over before you know it, and then we can have the day to ourselves before the main event..." I say, distracted at the thought of biting into a juicy neck. Mmm... *want*..._

 

 

Jesus Christ, mentioning Stiles still gets your hackles up, doesn’t it? Oh well - he’ll only be in London for a few weeks, and after that not even your extensive network will be able to find him.

 

Make it up to you... god, yes... I look forward to that... do you have to eat before we can start? I mean, a ten-hour flight with a lot of kissing and groping does have its effect on a man...

But it’s probably good if we don’t have to rush...

I’m all refreshed after my sleep, can’t wait to be in the hotel with you, in the honeymoon suite, a day early but who cares, using that gigantic bed...

 _Yes_ , Moran, other thoughts, now... or we may be thrown out of the plane for public indecency...

 

“I love you... and I can’t wait to have a full day with you to do in what we want...”

I swallow, then say the words I was really thinking: “Everything you want...”

 

 

_"I love you too, Tiger..." I whisper. I'm staring at you so hungrily... smelling you, trailing my hands along your chest..._

 

_Shit... I went too long without blood. You're not in danger from me, I love you too much to risk your health. But everything is about sex and blood to me right now..._

 

_"Everything I want sounds good to me..." I breathe, and lick your neck._

 

 

 _Don't_ lick my neck... it gives me gooseflesh... I want you so fucking much...

I try to distract myself by eating food and drinking more wine, but it has little effect.

Fortunately when I finish, we are about to land, and have to put our seats upright and put on seatbelts and all that stuff that makes actually jumping on and ravaging your fiancé trickier.

 

When we leave the plane, an unassuming official takes us through another door, and before I know it, we're outside in pleasant desert air, and a driver is holding open the door to a black car.

Impressive, James Moriarty...

 

 

_In the car, we finally have some privacy... and I give you a fierce smile before lunging at you and straddling you. I plaster myself against your body and kiss you feverishly._

 

_“Want you,” I growl._

 

 


	13. Kill.Fuck.Die

Kill, Fuck, Die  
All you get from life's  
Kill, Fuck, Die  
Yeah you're gonna die  
Kill, Fuck, Die  
All you get from life's  
Kill, Fuck, Die

 

 

 _God_ , yes -

I don't know how far the hotel is and I don't care - I don't care if the driver opens the door on us fucking - I don't give a flying fuck about anything except you, you, you -

Urgency rushes through me as I kiss you and pull at your clothes.

 

 

_I have to stop myself from tearing your clothes... I try hard to keep my fangs from elongating, but they do come down a little... I can’t help it... I want to drain the world dry. I’m growling as I unfasten your trousers, yank them down over your hips._

_“Fuck...” I groan, as mine come down, and my cock emerges from my pants. I scramble to pull the lube from my pocket before you throw aside my jacket._

_“Fuck me,” I gasp before devouring your lips._

 

 

Fuck, yes - yes, fuck - my mental vocabulary has been reduced to those two words, but what it lacks in diversity it makes up for in intensity -

 _Jim_ -

Thank god you have a habit of ordering limos which have loads of space - I wonder if you do it on purpose -

I move you off my lap, move around, pulling you back, so your legs come down, your arms leaning on the seat as you kneel on the floor - is this alright? It seems to be - I'm sure you have no qualms about protesting if you object to something -

I lean over you, kiss your back, bite your pristine skin, open the lube, start preparing you - not a lot of time, Jim - please be ready Jim, please don't stop me Jim -

I put some lube on my cock - I can't wait any longer -

"Ready?" I breathe.

 

 

_“God - just - fuck - me,” I snarl, and shove my arse back against you. You don’t hesitate for a moment, and I feel your slicked-up cock rubbing against me. And then you breach my entrance, and you’re *in*, and I’m moaning as you push in deeper. “Oh god,” I whisper raggedly. “Fuck, yes...”_

 

 

Oh god oh god oh GOD...

You feel so _incredibly_ good - I have longed for this _so long_ \- oh _god_...

I have no perception of anything, I am just my cock, as the most intense pleasure fathomable grips it, as you, _you_ , _YOU_ move against me, groan, whisper, gasp -

I want to roar but there's something that tells me I shouldn't, not sure why, but there was something important that means I don't make too much noise, and that's fine, it's not the noise that is important, it's you, _you_ , _YOU_ who are important, and my cock, my cock in your magnificent arse, and the time we've been apart, well, not apart, but in two bodies, and that is _wrong_ , we need to be one, always, alwaysalwaysalways -

One being, one pleasure - oh yes pleasure - I reach round, find your cock, rock hard and leaking, I love your cock, I lovelovelove it so much, I wish I could kiss it, but I can't from here, but I can stroke it, love it, make it get even harder and stronger and oh _GOD_...

 

 

_I didn’t fully trust myself as the sexual aggressor, not while I’m so hungry, but it’s so important that I get some of this desire out, and you are fucking me so good, darling, oh my Tiger, yesyes*yes*... I thrust back against you growling, and I hear the music from the front of the car get louder, which makes me laugh and I sound so fucking predatory, and then you’re grasping my cock and stroking it and fuuuuck, so fucking good... “God, yesss... Tiger, harder... *harder*...” I growl and throw my head back against your chest, shivering._

 

 

Harder - oh god yes harder - I can do harder - there is nothing I want more than feel you, feel you harder, feel you more, because you are the best feeling in the world... nothing, nothing can compare to this, no other lover, no drug, I'm sure that even Buddhists who meditate for fifty years to achieve Nirvana don't even get _close_ to this, and my hand grips the seat and my eyes screw shut and I groan between my teeth as I go _harder_ , as I rub you _harder_ , and the universe contracts into a tiny pinpoint in my balls, which expands and shoots through me into you and it is _indescribable_... I hear a sound echoing from the car roof - car? - which must be my voice, but it's unlike I've ever heard it - oh _GOD_ –

 

 

_I'm leaning back against your chest, and then I rest my head on your shoulder as you come, and... oh... *oh*... I'm so turned on by your sudden violent thrusting into me, your crying out, that I tumble into orgasm. As you're panting and experiencing aftershocks, I'm shivering and moaning, and I shoot against the seat and your hand._

_"Oh... Tiger..." I murmur. "I love you *so fucking much*..."_

 

 

Blackness...

Sensational blackness...

Sensation so strong my other senses are no longer functioning...

Slow realization of presence... of self, of other... love... Jim... Jim speaking love...

Jim... fiancé... Vegas... oh god...

Car - oh yes, car...

Car appears to have stopped. I guess we’re there then...

I smile at the second driver today having had to deal with us fucking in their car. Well, my libido has always been rather large - and you’re so incredibly hot...

I kiss your back, slowly pull out, move to the side. I look at the semen on the seat and grin at you.

 

 

_I collapse onto the seat, avoiding the sticky patch. My head rests against the backrest, and I look up at you lazily._

_"I believe there are wet wipes in the pocket of my blazer, if you'd be so very kind?"_

_You tersely tell the driver we'll be out in a moment. Then you look for the blazer, thrown haphazardly on the seat, and dig through the pockets. I reach out my hand, but you take the wet wipe and clean off the remains of our backseat fucking. Then you take another to clean me off and yourself, before throwing the wet wipes into a small receptacle hanging off the wall of the car._

_"Thank you, darling..." I say and give you a kiss. I do love being taken care of... who knew?_

_Then we're quickly getting ready, and straightening each other's rumpled clothing. I look up at you with a saucy smile, and you wink at me._

_This is my life now, I find myself thinking. My heart glows._

_"Ready, baby?" you ask and I nod, and then we're exiting the car and heading into our hotel. As our valet leads the way with our baggage, we cross the lobby, holding hands and smiling._

 

 

We’re led to the lifts. The hotel is a bit posher than I’d normally care for, but only the best for my husband-to-be...

The honeymoon suite is _huge_ , the bed sufficient for a small army. The bathroom has a sunken round tub with what looks like a jacuzzi function, we overlook the lights of the strip through panorama windows.

I put dollars into the valet’s hand and thank him emphatically while he makes an effort to show us the amenities. He gets the hint and heads off.

I flop onto the bed.

Right... how do you broach a subject like this?

“I don’t think they do room service, so shall we go out for dinner?”

 

 

_I'm rifling through my belongings for a fresh outfit, when you pose your carefully worded question._

_I look up, then cross to the bed and throw myself next to you. Lying on my stomach, I gaze at you sprawled across the bed. It's a giant bed, and still you take up *so much space*..._

_*god*, that's hot..._

_"If you mean what I think you mean... *no one* does that kind of room service... and what an untapped market!" I tap my lips with fingers, considering._

_"Oh, yes... dinner. Let me change, and we can go. I'm sure there must be some drunk fools out there who left their life savings on a roulette wheel... they must be in dire need of distraction. Once I help them find an answer to their little problem, we can rustle up dinner for you. Good?"_

_I wrap my arms around your neck, and stare at you. "You're sure you want to come with me?"_

 

 

“I don’t need dinner... I had four on the plane.

And yes, I want to come with you. First of all because I’d be worrying myself sick if I didn’t... but also because I don’t want you to feel that it’s something that you must hide from me. It seems that you are a bit worried that I might find it scary or upsetting, and I don’t want you to feel that way.”

 

 

_I look at you for a long moment, and smile. "Alright. But if you get close, you're going to catch an eyeful. I'm not going to hold back..."_

_You stroke my face, gazing at me adoringly. Ooh. *Tiger*. I lean in to kiss you, longingly. "Well the sooner I eat, the sooner we get back here. I'm just going to get pretty and we can go."_

_I return to my suitcase, select a light leather jacket, white v-neck t-shirt, and jeans. I saunter over to the full-length mirror to dress so I can watch you watch me. I strip off my clothes languorously and sneak a peek at you. You’re transfixed. Satisfied, I pull on my clothes. I model my outfit, and you look at me in surprise._

_I shrug. “Know your audience... is someone drunk and dejected more likely to follow someone in a posh suit, or... someone who’s a little more relatable?”_

_I twirl in front of the mirror. “What do you think? If you saw me in a bar, would you want to fuck me then and there?”_

 

 

You look so incredibly hot in that outfit - fuck me...

... come on Seb, _again_?! You came like twenty minutes ago!

You’re going to be the death of me...

“I _do_ want to fuck you here and now, so yes... you look absolutely gorgeous. I’m going to have to do my very best to not spill a drink on whoever you pick...”

You smile at that, move over, kiss me deeply. I melt away again... forgetting the room, your need for food, the location, everything...

I blink slowly as you break off the kiss.

“Wow. You’re a heady drug, Jim...”

I shake my head to clear it. “Right. Let’s hit the town, before you faint from hunger. I’m keen to see an apex predator hunt...”

 

 

_I kiss you again, then stare at you intently. "Alright then... join me on my hunt, darling."_

_I rise seemingly weightlessly on the bed, and extend my hand to you. You give me your hand, and I pull you up. Then I step off the bed, and you trail after me._

_Wordlessly, you pull on your leather jacket and follow me to the door._

_We walk down the hall, and when we get into the lift, you slide your arms around me. We look at each other in the mirror._

_"We totally look like we're together," I chuckle, eyeing our leather jackets._

_You begin to say you can go back and change, and I wave off your concern. "It's fine. As long as we're not both going up to someone to talk to them..." I kiss you fondly - god, I really can't seem to stop myself. How did we get so wrapped up in each other in a *few days*?_

_"Sebastian and Richard 4eva," I whisper into your ear, and by the time the lift door opens to the lobby, you're pressed against me, and we're kissing like teenagers._

_There's some drunk cheering from a waiting group. I smile slyly, grab your hand, and pull you past them and through the lobby. We head towards the front doors, and into the night. I breathe in the smells around me, stare off in one direction. Then I tilt my head at you, and begin to walk towards a cocktail of intense emotions. I don't know what bar we're heading to, and I don't need to know._

 

 

I enter the bar, as I’ve entered so many bars so many times before. I’ve even entered a bar in order to kill someone once or twice. But it feels weird now, here. I’m a bit behind you, so we don’t look together, head in a different direction, but I’m incredibly aware of your presence, even with my back to you.

Everyone in this place is impressively drunk. I wonder if you get tipsy if you drink one of these guys? Also - why do I assume you’re going for a guy? You might go for one of the women slumped on a stool, their sexy clothes dishevelled, their makeup smudged.

I guess I better get a drink...

I order a beer from a barman who looks like he’s been in here since last week, set myself on a chair in a corner in Do Not Disturb mode. I’m good at being noticed when I want to, but I can also blend into the background when needed...

I’d have to be decidedly pissed myself to find anyone attractive in this place. I always dislike entering a bar way past midnight sober.

 

 

_I consider my options. I'm narcissistic enough that I prefer my victims be somewhat attractive. Ironically, the world is becoming less so, as I keep removing attractive people from it. Ah well... I can't bring myself to stick my teeth into someone sweaty or downright homely... imagine! Hot messes I'm fine with. There are a few here to choose from... but I'm going to let the right candidate come to me._

_I settle myself into a bar stool, and strike a brooding, lonely pose. I order a G &T and when it arrives, I stir it for a moment before taking a sip. I glance at you, and your eyes flicker over me. OK, Tiger... you wanted to be here for the hunt? Get ready... the prey is approaching. I feel its presence before it arrives. Female... angry... bitter. She slides onto the barstool next to mine. Orders a martini, and glances at me. Asks me if I'm here alone. Then tells me she loves my accent - Australian?_

_Alright, then. I suppress an eye roll, and get her talking. It's not hard - she's feeling hard done by. She's here for a conference. She hates the organization she works with. The co-worker she's been having an affair with has broken it off. I make the appropriate responses and sympathetic noises, tell her she's too good for that man, and he obviously had commitment issues - oh, he's gone back to his wife? The cheek on him, after everything they shared! She'll find someone better, beautiful woman like her. That gets her attention right quick. She asks if I'd like to go back to her hotel for somewhere quiet to 'talk'. Absolutely. (Told you it would be a quickie.) I pay our bills, and bitterness forgotten, she's downright giddy as she slides off her stool._

_I give her my arm, and escort her outside. From the corner of my eye, I see you slip from your bar stool._

_I ask her if she'd like to go down a side street first, for a better view of the moon. She thinks I'm a romantic fool, laughs drunkenly and tells me what a cutie-pie I am. But she comes along with me, giggling incessantly all the way. The shadow behind us keeps at a distance. By the time the shadow catches up with us, I'm kissing her neck in an alcove, and she's swaying._

_I glance up at you as you watch with fascination. Ohh... is that the way it is, Tiger? My eyes glow at you. I part my lips and show you my fangs. Then I sink them into her neck. She goes limp - I don't know if it's her blood alcohol level, or my vampire charm. I'm focused on you, watching as I drink from her sensuously. I make a purring sound in my throat, and stare at you with hunger._

 

 

The woman who approaches you looks angry, but not too drunk, and reasonably attractive. She starts talking with you, and I have to restrain myself from jumping up and punching her out cold when she starts the flirtatious moves, the hand ‘accidentally’ touching your arm, her hair being flicked back - it’s disgusting -

You’re taking her outside - or she’s taking you. I follow.

Now the moment is here, I actually feel a bit - nervous? What will it be like to actually see a vampire drink? I’ve never seen it happen; I was pretty much out of it when you did it to me... I still can only half believe it is real, despite the evidence I’ve seen of your other weird abilities, and your tears...

I start getting pissed off with the way she’s hanging off you, giggling at you, and the way you’re smiling at her - how dare she -

calm down Tiger. That’s your fake smile... even though it looks so real... that’s just because you’re such a good actor...

I get antsy when I see you kiss her neck, but then I recall what those kisses are a prelude to, and I move as close as I dare, to see how you hunt and kill...

You look at me quickly, smile your fangs at me - that small gesture of complicity, that you haven’t forgotten me in your quest for food, that I’m here _with_ you... it means a lot.

... and then your fangs are in her neck. So quickly, so easily - such willing prey. You drink, and as you do you are watching me, and somehow it’s almost erotic, seeing you drink the life out of another human, and that’s really not a healthy sentiment probably, but I don’t care - it looks so enticing, I almost wish it was me lying limp in your arms, held up effortlessly, surrendering...

You’re staring at me with glowing eyes, occasionally closing as you enjoy your food, like a pleased cat’s.

The body is dropped behind some bins and you are beside me, grasping me, then hesitating for a second -

I break the hesitation by pushing my mouth against yours and kissing you deeply, tasting the blood, tasting you, feeling your fangs, feeling them retract, feeling your hands all over my body –

 

 

_It's like being caught in a fever dream..._

_I've never experienced anything like it._

_Yes, it's a sensual, sensuous sensation to feed, especially when I'm experiencing intense bloodlust..._

_But I've never been *watched* before..._

_never looked into someone's eyes as I drank the lifeblood of a victim..._

_stared into someone's eyes, filled with their hunger for me..._

_not just someone... *you*..._

_it's *exciting* you, isn't it..._

_I see the lust in your eyes, burning..._

_I stalk towards you, pulling you against me... but will you want to kiss me when I just now-_

_you interrupt my thoughts, kissing me,_

_*licking* me, tasting the blood on my tongue..._

_oh fuck, oh god..._

_you are my *perfect* mate._

_And I will have you here, not minutes away, not in an airtight hotel,_

_no, *here*, under the black sky, kissed by the moon,_

_the living night in our veins,_

_here in the alley, where the body of my victim lies cooling,_

_and you feel no abhorrence, no disgust or fear,_

_only lust and desire and a mad, mad love that makes me want to scream out to the stars, demanding they shine their blessings down onto us._

_I slide my hands along your arms, your chest... and down further still._

_You're hard, and I want you, *I want you*..._

_I kiss you feverishly, and yank down your trousers over your hips. Then I push you down onto the ground, onto your knees, leaning against the brick wall of the alcove._

_I kneel behind you, and lick your neck. I pull down my trousers, and lube from my jacket pocket._

_"You liked what you saw..." I say, a low growl in my throat, as I prepare myself and you. "The hunt... the predator in me... makes you so bloody hot... and ohh, Sebastian... I like that... so *very much*, darling..."_

_I bite your neck possessively, with just a hint of fangs. Hearing you groan, I prod your opening with my slicked cock._

_"Mmm... hottest kill ever, honey..." I purr, and push into you slowly._

 

 

You’re _magnificent_ , a shining apex predator beaming your power and strength into the night, attracting me - also your prey, but in a different way.

I’m drowning in you, the taste of blood, the beauty of the desert night, the sensation of your hands, over me... on me...

My trousers are pushed down, then I am, and it’s my turn to be caught by the hunter, on my knees, his fangs in my neck, his cock entering me...

Fuccckkkkk...

It’s _perfect_ , absolutely perfect, the slight ache as I am stretched, my cock trembling with delight and desire, the teeth in my neck, ready to kill if they wanted, my hands scratching at the brick wall, as I am hunted, captured, taken... no niceties and preliminaries, just raw naked primal lust, predator taking, prey giving, in the ultimate balance of nature, the natural order in which you are on top; my love, my lord...

You are hard, deep, forceful, strong, and I feel so incredibly in love, and lust, as I writhe underneath you, my body serving you to slake your thirst, I love love love this, love being _used_ by you; there is nothing better in the world...

 

 

_"Fuck *yes*, Sebastian," I growl. "I *want* you on the hunt with me..."_

_I twist my fingers in your wavy hair, and pull your head back. I bury my face in your neck, breathe in your scent. A rumbling purr sounds in my throat._

_"Oh, *fuck*," I moan, and slide my face against yours as I rock my hips against you. I reach for your cock and begin to stroke you, burying myself inside you again and again._

_"So beautiful," I murmur. "Oh god... Sebastian..."_

 

 

My head is pulled back, I’m held fast against you as you thrust into me, and then your hand reaches for me, and feeling you around me as well as inside me, feeling your body against my back, hearing your voice in my ears...

I’m in heaven, heaven is an alley in Vegas, with a vampire as my saving angel... saying I’m beautiful, and I believe you in this moment; I feel ten miles high...

Your thrusts come faster, as do the movements of your wrist, and I could come here and now, but I must restrain myself, because _you come first_... because you _own_ me...

... and just thinking that is so fucking hot... just - Jim - please –

 

 

_I'm groaning loudly as I get closer... closer..._

_"Fuck, yes," I gasp, then throw an arm over your shoulder and around your chest. I pull you against me as I'm thrusting into you over and over._

_An explosion rocks me, and I shiver violently against you, moaning with pleasure._

_As I collapse against you, I resume stroking your cock, and feel you thrusting hard into my hand._

_Slowly I pull out, not breaking the pace._

_"Mmm, I want to feel you come, Tiger..." I whisper._

_Your head flies back and almost immediately, you're gasping for air hoarsely, and arching your back. God, this is so fucking hot..._

 

_I watch as you break into tiny pieces, scattered throughout the universe..._

 

_You lean back against me, panting._

_I wrap my arms around you, supporting your weight._

_"I love you," I whisper, and you repeat it to me. softly._

_"As romantic as the alley is, let's go back to the hotel..." I murmur into your ear._

_Handing us each a wet wipe, we clean ourselves off, and slowly get dressed._

_Then after I send a text to the American contact regarding the location of the body, we're strolling back to our hotel, hand in hand._

_"Tell me the truth, Sebastian... were you OK with seeing me feed?" I ask cautiously, but a sly smile breaks the surface. "Because I know I was distracted by drinking all that lovely blood, but... I could swear you were enjoying watching me!"_

 

 

“I did... it was a bit double. On the one hand I hated seeing you being flirted at, smiling at that woman, even though I knew you were acting. Seeing you bite her, drink her - it was good to see it for real, I guess. It is such an alien concept - that you actually are a vampire who actually drinks blood...

not a repellent concept,” I quickly add, “just - hard to realize it is actually real until you see it.”

I smile slightly.

“And... to tell you the truth, it looked erotic. Intimate. I almost wished it was me there, lying in your arms, surrendering to your sharp kiss... not to be killed, preferably, but being drunk by you, tasted, savoured like an exquisite wine, as you hold me, caress me... that seems a very attractive prospect.”

I look at your face. “Do you think that’s weird?”

 

 

_I listen to you carefully as we walk. I suspect I read your expression accurately, but I need to hear it from you._

_*Erotic*_

_*Intimate*_

_*almost wished it was me*_

_*surrendering*_

_Ohhh, *sharp kiss*..._

_A smile spreads across my face slowly. "Does it sound weird? It sounds like the goddess Fortuna either decided I'd had enough shit in my life and post-life, and whispered to me to go to that club... *or* just randomly decided to spin the wheel the night I met you."_

_I stop walking, and pull you towards me. "Do you realize what a long shot this was, Sebastian - that I met the most beautiful man I've ever seen, and then fell in love, and then it turned out not only he doesn't mind that I'm a vampire... he thinks it's hot?"_

_"Wait - who is this man who thinks it hot?" you ask in mock indignation, and I swat you._

_"The beautiful idiot in front of me," I retort, and you laugh. "Stop it. I'm serious!"_

_You open your mouth._

_"Sebastian," I interrupt, "if you say 'nice to meet you, Serious' I swear to Christ, I will give you your almost-wish and drain you dry."_

_Your mouth snaps shut. "You can't know what I was going to say..." you protest, but your eyes are dancing._

_"Oh, can't I..." I say drily. "It turns out the beautiful idiot is also cheeky, and infuriating, and -"_

_You pull me into a kiss, and I forget everything as our lips and tongues taste each other. My fingers dig into your arms, and when we break apart, I look up at you in a daze. "Oh... what was I saying?"_

_"Fortuna has favoured you with a beautiful idiot who finds it hot that you're a vampire," you say, smiling at me._

_I giggle. "I'm the luckiest vampire in the world. And as for finding the prospect of me drinking from you enticing..." I lean in and lick your neck. "it can be arranged, darling..." I whisper into your ear. "I would like to see what it's like to drink for pleasure... and drink you like luscious nectar..." I purr, caressing your neck and breathing you in._

 

 

"Sounds... dreamy..." I mutter.

"I'm not a vampire though - I will need _some_ time to recover, my darling... is that OK with you? Shall we just - have a drink in the garden or something? It's a lovely night... we can just talk? Give me an hour or so... and then - I can't wait to have my last night of extramarital sex..."

You smile. "Of course, my Tiger... Do I look alright? No blood on my chin?"

You turn to me. You look - wow. You look stunning. I'd use the word 'glowing'. Your eyes are dark and gleaming, the white in stark contrast to the irises. Your pale face illuminated in the moonlight almost shines. I'd swear even your hair looks thicker, more luscious - you look _amazing_.

"Yeah, you're - good..." I stutter.

We get to the hotel, where several couples are chatting at small tables in the garden. You order a bottle of champagne, tell the waitress with a big proud grin that we're getting married tomorrow. Her delighted smile seems genuine as she congratulates us, and leads us to the back of the garden, where there are a few tables secluded by hedges, that are not immediately visible from the rest of the patio.

"I'll bring you your champagne and then I'll leave you two to talk and not disturb you," she says. "But if there's anything you need, just shout."

She heads off as we settle in the comfortable chairs. I'm a bit surprised at first at the deep leather chairs being outside - but of course, it doesn't rain all that often here.

I am still gazing at your face in the light of the moon and the single flickering candle on the table.

"Jim... I'm sure I've said this before, but you are so incredibly beautiful..."

 

 

_“Darling... you can tell me I’m beautiful every day and every night, and I’ll never tire of it.”_

_I give you a lazy smile, and run my hand through my hair. I lean back in my chair, and cross one leg over the other._

_“And thank you,” I say, with all the demureness I can muster... which is to say, none at all, and my tongue flicks out at you enticingly._

_The glazed look in your eye is delightful. An hour or so? Give me 45 minutes. I’ll have you dragging me to our hotel room._

_God, I love blood..._

_The waitress arrives, pops our champagne bottle, asks if we need anything else, and disappears. Big tip coming your way, sweetheart._

_You pour for both of us, and hand me a flute of fizzing liquid._

_“What shall we toast? To-“ you start, and I interrupt._

_“To making you pop like this fine champagne,” I say sweetly, and lift my glass. *Clink*._

_Your eyes glaze over again as I sip my champagne, and lick the drop that escapes over the rim of the glass._

_“Mmm,” I say innocently. “I just love how the bubbles feel against my tongue...Don’t you, Sebastian?”_

 

 

"Jim... are you having a contest with nature? Because there's no question that you are winning..." I smile.

"In fact, if you can be tempted to try some... ah, foreplay..." I almost stumble over my words, and feel myself blushing, "I'm sure that I'll be... up for whatever else you might require quite soon..."

Right. Sebastian Moran blushing bright red like a virginal schoolboy. It's probably hidden by the night, but I feel my face growing very hot. Good grief.

But - I hardly know you, I mean -

Jesus.

I know I have fallen for you like a ton of bricks. I know I love you, and you love me, and - you _own_ me - that mad trip in my flat - fuck...

I just want to feel more secure in that - I want to feel myself held by you, moved by you, forced by you, restrained by you - fuck, I _want_ you -

My breaths are coming fast and shallow.

"I think we could take the bottle up to our room..." I say, my breath halting.

 

 

_Hmmm... blushing? Sebastian?_

_How *delightful*..._

_all that delicious blood rushing to your face to let me know... what?_

_You want more - more of what I do to you. To feel more - mine._

_"I'm tempted to try some foreplay right *now*..." I say leaning forward, running my hand over your knee and up your thigh. "Right here..." I whisper, my hands on the armrests and leaning over you._

_"But if I'm going to strip you naked and coax magnificent sounds from you, then... the room would be more comfortable."_

_I take some money from my wallet, and throw it on the table. "Take the bottle. We can do what we want."_

_I head for the hotel lobby, sensing you close behind me. We cross the lobby, you catching up and grabbing my hand. We smile at each other as we walk to the lift._

_There are people all around us, and we're the only ones in the world._

_In the lift, I press my back against you, and feel your erection against me._

_How long did that take? Twenty minutes? I *am* good..._

_I give you a smouldering smile, and your eyes blaze._

 

 

 _Woosh_. That's one lit-up Tiger. Your eyes shine mischievously, promisingly, hungrily (suddenly I'm not sure if I'll survive this honeymoon even if you _don't_ drink from me...) and Little Seb is very clear in that he'll be happy to try anything you want right away yes Sir Jim Moriarty Sir.

We walk to our suite, the bottle loosely in my hand, put on a table, promptly forgotten, as I have all the beauty of the night right here in my arms, pressing himself against me, kissing me, grasping me, and I am trembling with - lust, love, I don't know, it's not like I have a lot of experience in this field, but _want_ definitely...

"Jim - oh fuck Jim," I whisper against your hair.

"I want you - please -"

 

 

_"Oh, my sweet Sebastian..." I murmur as I push you onto the bed. "Why do you think we came back to the room? To look at china patterns?"_

_I climb onto you, straddling you, and grinding my pelvis against yours. "No... I believe you wanted a final night of illicit fucking..." My eyes flash with amusement, and then desire. I kiss you urgently, and look down at you. Your eyes are half closed and your breathing is ragged._

_"Don't. Move. Tiger," I whisper in your ear, and slip off you. I rifle through my suitcase and find the canvas bag with the travel restraint set._

_I approach you lightning-fast, and pull you up to lean against the headboard. I prop pillows behind your back and under your arse, and then quickly secure you to the headboard, arms stretching up the bedposts._

_"Knees up," I growl. "Open for me..."_

_You do so, gazing at me hungrily, and I stare back at the brazen display of my Tiger longing to be fucked by me._

_I kneel in between your thighs and run my hands over the restraints._

_"The night before your wedding is traditionally the last night as a free man, yes?" I remark lazily, and arch an eyebrow. "Only you stopped being free the moment you knelt for me..." I twist my hand through your hair, and pull your head back._

_Your eyes glaze over, god they've been doing that ever since you saw me feed..._

_I smile. That's quite a case of predator lust you have... I *love* it. I kiss you possessively, and my tongue claims your mouth._

_Then I pull back your head back further and lick your neck. I delicately sniff the skin, and hear you breathe in sharply._

_"Tomorrow," I growl, and scrape your skin lightly with my teeth._

_Then I take the lube from the bedside table and coat my cock and your opening with it. "Flew across the ocean to marry a vampire..." I murmur. "A vampire who already has a taste for your blood... very dangerous territory, you might say..." I whisper, and press my cock against you. "But that's what you long for, it's what you *crave*... isn't it, my Tiger?"_

 

 

Jim. _Jim_. _JIM_...

I can't think anything else; all the blood my brain needs to function has absconded elsewhere, my body is on fire, with flames pouring out wherever you touch me. Your presence has such an intoxicating effect; I just seem to melt into an insensible mass of lust an desire... that's normal, right? On a honeymoon?

Oh god, yes - ties - please, yes, take all agency away from me, let me just be your toy, your slave, your anything you want -

... I do hope you don't have a preference for men who play hard to get.

Here I am, spread out for you, ready for you, and you pull my head back, expose my neck - god - oh god this is it -

'Tomorrow', you say.

I can't tell if this feeling is relief or disappointment.

"Yes... yes I love danger, but you are so much more... fuck, Jim, you are the hottest man I've ever laid eyes on, you make me weak with desire the moment I _see_ you, or just hear your voice - and - oh god I _love_ you - I can't be without you - I just want to be yours - completely yours - and I _want_ you to drink me; I trust you, I know you won't kill me - I just - I want to be everything for you, with you, like you are everything to me..."

 

 

_I stare at you hungrily and push into you slightly. "You're already mine, my darling..."_

_I move inside you, feel you adjust. Push further as you moan._

_"I can do with you as I like, as long as it doesn't harm you..."_

_My eyes glitter and I smile._

_"Much..." I whisper, and push in the rest of the way._

_My hands grasp your hip and your shoulder, and I begin to rock against you. "And I love *you*... which is why you're still in possession of your life and your blood... it *calls* to me, Sebastian. As much as I've enraptured you, you've done the same thing to me..." I sigh, as I move against you, and deeper into you. "I can't go past the point of no return, and I won't... not if it means losing you, my everything, my *Tiger*..." I murmur, and dive onto your lips to kiss you urgently._

 

 

Yes - yours - yoursyoursyours... Jim...

'Do with you as I like...'

 _Fuck_ , why does that phrase set me on _fire_!? It's the hottest thing I could ever think of, being your possession, your tool, your toy, your food, your slave...

I can't get close enough to you, I can't feel you _enough_ , I want more, more words of love, more cock inside me, more you all around me, more of your pain, your passion, you you you... I'm an insatiable glutton, devoured by a hunger that hurts and can only momentarily be relieved by your touch, words, presence; a junkie who will do _anything_ to get his next fix - kill, fuck, die -

And you say I'm your _everything_ , and it makes my heart swell and fuck's sake, my eyes well up, and then you are on my mouth and deeper inside me, a slight ache, my arms tied, and it's almost enough, _almost_...

 

 

_I'm pushing into you, you're pushing your hips back against me, and we're getting carried away so quickly..._

_*God*, I've never had anything like this before. Sex was such a perfunctory act - I needed to get my rocks off and satisfy my predatory urges, so I would do what needed to be done. But it was always something done to another body. Never done *with* someone, which is what this is... even strung up as you are. Because your desire, your longing for me, more of me, is all part of it... god, the hunger in your eyes..._

_and occasionally the tears being blinked back._

_Oh my sweet Tiger..._

_I cover your face with kisses before I return to your lips. And then we're kissing hungrily again, and then comes the truly spectacular fucking... I've never had a body like this to enjoy, to pleasure mercilessly. You're massive compared to me, all brawn and muscle and *power*... and all you want is to be at my mercy as I take you. I feel almost dizzy with love and lust and *need* for you._

_"Oh god... god, *Sebastian*," I rave, delirious now. The pace quickens and my hand tightens on your hip._

_"You're so hot...Tiger... you're so fucking hot..." I chant, my eyes half-closed. My other hand seeks out your cock, and I begin to stroke firmly and possessively. "This is *mine*... and you can come when I do..."_

 

 

You're as lost as I am, as entranced, as enraptured, and that's so good to see, that I'm not the only one who is losing himself, we are losing ourselves together, losing ourselves in each other, and finding each other, and so finding ourselves.

Your cock inside me feels like nothing has ever felt, other cocks were just - lifeless sticks pushed up there, pushing a button or not. Not a part of a body that is the most impressive person I've ever met, the love of my life, the Julio to my Romeo, or whatever - not something that I can long for more desperately than I've ever longed for anything.

You're touching me, panting my name, and the name you've given me, Tiger, and then you _touch me_ \- and the world stops, holds its breath, stretches into an unbearably long sustain of the universe's supreme chord - I moan, and then I hear your words, and it's all I can do to not come there and then, because there is nothing that turns me on more than knowing I belong to you, and that you decide when I get to come... but I don't, because I can't, because you haven't come yet, and _please_ Jim...

 

 

_Oh god, this *magnificent man*, my beautiful soldier, tied up and helpless for me..._

_*minemineMINE*_

_My hand curls around your shoulder, drawing you closer as I move faster._

_"Sebastian," I moan._

_*mineFOREVER*, *4EVA*..._

_I shiver, and then my back arches. I throw my head back and cry out._

_"Oh god -" I gasp as the shivers become spasms, and I lose all sense of control of my body there is only plunging into you, and grasping you, and *YouYouYou*..._

_"Tiger," I call out as I shatter._

 

 

Yes, yes yes yes Jim, my love, my dark lord, my all... come for me, come inside me...

I adore this, seeing your face screw up like this, seeing your pleasure, that you got from _me_ , and then it’s my turn, I can’t hold back any longer, and _fuck_ , you’re not draining me dry of blood but definitely of semen, it’s almost painful, but _so_ delicious, so good, so... everything...

“Jim, god Jim, oh fuck...”

 

 

_As my aftershocks are dying away, as you're shuddering against me, I lean my head against your chest. Just for a moment, to breathe "I love you" against your skin, before I reach up and release you from your restraints. Your arms fall to your sides before you lift them gingerly and shake them out - then you wrap me in them, and my head is back against your chest, and I'm whispering it to you again and again. "I love you, Sebastian... I love you..."_

_I don't know when the tears started, but I feel them wet on my cheeks as I press my face to yours, and stroke your hair._

 

 

This is...

I always thought that afterglow was the pleasant warm tired feeling you get after sex. I didn't know it involved your actual heart glowing red-hot and your entire being wanting to fold your partner in your arms. I'm glad you release me so I can do exactly that.

You seem equally affected - you keep whispering you love me and every whisper is a soft kiss on my soul, a healing balm where I didn't know I needed it.

And then I feel wetness on my chest, and see the pink trails on your pale cheeks as you lift up your face. I don't comment - you'll speak if you want to, and for now you just seem to want to hold me as close as possible, and stroke my hair, and that's exactly what I want to do, and for minutes we just sit there, chests touching, embracing. You shrink and slide out of me, and then adjust your position, so we are touching as much as is possible, my heart beating against your chest, my mouth breathing in your neck, your fingers moving through my hair, the occasional tear dropping onto my shoulder.

 

 

_I sniffle occasionally as you hold me and I feel your chest rise and fall, rise and fall... I listen to your breath and your heartbeat._

_"I'm still trying to sort all this out, Sebastian," I say hesitantly. "Sometimes I still feel like Richard..." I feel overwhelmed for a moment, and blink back more tears. Yes... that's Richard._

_"At first I thought he would go away completely. And then later it felt like... I absorbed him, so he was a part of me. When I felt the Hunger, I was all predator. On the Hunt, and when we were fucking... I was dark, scary Jim. But when I was sated with blood and sex... Richard came back. Trust him to cry after sex..." I roll my eyes, but smile up at you and stroke your face._

_"I don't really know how this is going to go. And I blame you for convincing me in the first place that Richard was a part of me... so now you have a confused, emotional vampire on your hands, and you'll be marrying him tomorrow and I don't know who he'll be!" I burst out. "Congratulations. I'm not a pure predator any more. Thanks to you, I'm also a smitten, weepy mess." I sniffle and press my face into your neck._

_"So if it's dark, scary Jim you're in love with... I don't think - I'll be that all the time, Sebastian..." I sigh, and start to cry again._

_"In the lift... when you wrote ‘Richard and Sebastian 4eva’... did you mean it??"_

 

 

Oh god - oh my _Jimmy_... Richard... whoever... _you_...

" _Yes_ ," I say emphatically. "Richard Brook is the person I'm going to marry, isn't it? I _love_ Richard, I love dark Jim, I love the predator - I love the confused, emotional vampire and the smitten, weepy mess." I kiss your tears.

"And - I've only been in love once, when I was very young, and he died, so I have no frame of reference, except - I've only been in love _once_ before. It's not something that happens to me a lot. I'm 32, and I'm reasonably certain I'll remain in love with Jim and Richard for the rest of my life. Certain enough to make a vow to some bloke in a chapel - and to _you_."

I pull you close again. "Feel that heart? It's yours, my love. I promise. If I ever leave, you can cut it out and keep it."

Oh - humour too black again?

 


	14. Undisclosed Desires

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart  
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask  
I want to exorcise the demons from your past  
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers  
That you're wicked and divine  
You may be a sinner  
But your innocence is mine

 

 

_As I listen to you, my heart lifts... slowly, tentatively, hopefully. And then you kiss my tears._

_Ohh... *Sebastian*..._

_When I hear you talk about your love who died, my heart squeezes painfully. Should I feel threatened? *Should I feel threatened*??_

_No... you were very young, you wouldn't still be together, I'm sure._

_Besides - *we* are meant to be._

_Which is ridiculous. I don't believe in that nonsense._

_But - we *are*. End of story._

_Held against your chest, I struggle to sort through my emotions. "I'll hold you to that... I'll have your heart in a *box*. Put that in your vows... I mean it. And what exactly were you thinking by saying *reasonably certain* when you're comforting me?" I say, my eyes flashing. "That's *not* what you wrote in the lift, you idiot Tiger. You did not declare 'Sebastian and Richard are *reasonably certain* they'll be together 4eva'... for *fuck's sake*... now make it better," I say in a sulky voice, laying my head on your shoulder, and curling my hands around your neck._

 

 

Oh you marvellous sulky creature...

You do the best sulks I've ever seen.

"I'm _awfully_ sorry, my sweet. How _dare_ I be British and use an understatement to emphasize my words. Nay, to be a Romantic lover! _Mio unico vero amore!_ Or a brazen American! Oh, honey, I'll lahve you for _ever_..." I say in my worst Southern drawl.

 

 

_I wait smugly for your profuse apology, but my mouth drops open as I instead hear sarcastic declarations._

_"Tiger!" I exclaim, all imperiousness and vexation. “Have you gone mad, darling? You're supposed to be making it *better*, not worse!" I hit your shoulder - not with full vampire strength, but with the might of an indignant Richard. You respond with the most ridiculous histrionics like you've been hit with an arrow._

_"You - *brute*..." I protest, trying not to laugh as you try to tickle me in retaliation. "*Stop it*..."_

_I fail spectacularly, as I fall against you giggling maniacally._

_"*Sebastian*... you are such a *child*..." I say loftily, and smack you in the face with a pillow._

 

 

I’m doing important scientific research. Like whether vampires are still ticklish. This one certainly is...

But it’s important to be thorough. What about your neck? Your armpits?

A pillow lands squarely in my face.

“Oh no, the enemy has deployed secret weapons! Retaliate!!”

I grab the other pillow and try to slap you with it, but you keep defending with your arm - so I dive underneath and recommence tickling while you’re giggling and trying to slap me with the pillow - but then you drop it, grab my wrists, and pin me to the bed.

It keeps being hot; so much strength in that tiny body...

 

 

_Oh no, my darling... you will not reduce me to a shrieking, giggling helpless creature... not for long, anyway._

_It doesn't take long to have the upper hand. Ohhh, that look in your eye. You really do love this..._

_I smile at you slyly. "Surrender."_

 

 

"Never," I grin.

 

 

_"Tiiiger..." I sing, pushing your wrists down harder, and nibbling your neck. "You know you're not going to win..."_

 

 

"Who says I want to win?" I smile. At least you've got over your maudlin moment.

 

 

_I huff. "Well, you'll get what you want, then..." I lick your neck languorously, smiling at your shiver. "Being made to submit... over... and over..."_

_I nuzzle under your jaw, enjoying your squirm, your shaky inhale. "Finding yourself underneath me..." I whisper, and then release your wrists._

_"But you need recovery time, darling..." I say in a purring voice. "We'll have plenty of time for *that* on our wedding day... and every day after..."_

_I lay my head contentedly on your chest. "Are you sleepy? Hungry? Shall I have room service bring up a third dinner?"_

 

 

You licking my neck...

It makes me shiver in anticipation of what is to come - I must be mental, but I can’t wait to have you pierce my flesh and drink from me, experiencing it consciously, feeding you...

Yeah. A mouse jumping into the cat’s mouth. Crazy. But the cat is so hot and sweet...

Am I sleepy or hungry? Not really.

“I slept on the plane and had four meals - I’m alright. Probably best if we stay up a bit longer, then sleep during the day. As long as we get up in time to get our marriage license...” I grin.

“Well; since it’s both our stag night, and we’re in Vegas, let’s party a bit? I don’t know about you, but I love a drink and hate people, so how about we finish off that champagne and get another one? And I may even be tempted to get a hot soldier to come and do a striptease...”

 

 

_A slow smile spreads across my face. “You want... a stag night?” I giggle. “Well, that’s something I never pictured myself doing in a million and a half years... oh *let’s*, my beautiful fiancé... and let’s see how much I need to get you drunk to convince you a striptease is so important...” I kiss your neck. “So very important...”_

_I roll off you and grab the hotel phone from the bedside table. “I’ll just order more champagne, shall I? Anything else? Beer? Whisky?”_

 

 

"I prefer beer and whisky myself. Though do get some champagne... I might find a use for it..." I smile, picturing the things one can do with champagne...

Right, honestly, Moran, get your mind out of that gutter. You're not seventeen any more - you do need _some_ time without or you'll collapse and then what will poor Richard marry?

"Some snacks for when I get hungry? Peanuts - strawberries - water, to stay hydrated, don't want to be too hungover on our special night... do you get hungover if you drink too much?"

 

 

_“I do,” I say ruefully. “Just like in life. Though I can’t understand why. More for the vampire research facility to study, should I ever find a vampire scientist... or make a vampire scientist...” I roll my eyes, and place the order for room service. “On its way! Now where is that champagne we already started...” I roll off the bed, and swipe the bottle from the table. I take a long sip and look at you with half-closed eyes._

_“Sebastian and Richard’s stag party begins...” I smile coyly, lick my lips and pass you the bottle._

 

 

"To Richard and Sebastian - 4eva!" I raise the bottle, take a big swig. Fizzy sparkles in my mouth. Beautiful man in my bed. Our bed. Hot sex and a wedding in my immediate future.

I've had worse weeks.

"So - let's do a getting to know you drinking game? We take turns making statements about each other, things we don't know. If we're right, the other person drinks. If we're wrong, we drink. What do you think?"

 

 

_I feel worry trickle through me, but it’s a *game*, I don’t think you would ask any... unsettling questions on a stag night... it’s supposed to be fun, right?_

_Swallowing hard, I push my worries aside and drop onto the bed. “OK, Sebastian. I’ll go first. You went to university... Oxford man.”_

_I smile smugly as your eyes widen, and pass you the bottle._

 

 

I notice the slight flash of worry cross your face. Oh. Things you're not ready to talk about?

A small flare of jealousy stabs through me - _what can't your husband know about you?_ \- but then I chide myself - we've only just met! Give the guy a chance to keep _some_ things for later.

Then you peg me for an Oxford man, and - wow.

"How on earth?!" I ask.

 

 

_I blink. How? Is this part of the game?_

_I shrug. "Your git of a father went to Oxford, as I recall... I just assumed you would have gone, too. And the way you speak... when you're not being a ruffian," I grin. "Drink."_

 

 

I drink. If you put it like that, it seems quite logical.

"I did go to Oxford, but didn't finish. I walked past this military recruitment office every day, and one day I just walked in. Never looked back.

Oh, and..." I pour some more champagne in my glass. "I forgot to say, but you don't _have_ to say if something is true or not, you can say you forfeit, and drink without saying if the statement was true or false."

You nod, looking just a tiny bit relieved.

I look at you. Hmmm... this might not be the best way to get to know you; I find myself wanting to ask open questions. Well - I started it now. Maybe later.

"You didn't finish secondary school."

 

 

_If I were alive, my heart would have slammed in my chest._

_"And why - would you think - *that*?" I ask, my tone growing icy. I snatch the bottle from you, tip it back into my mouth, and put it down on the nightstand emphatically. "Please. Share, Sebastian..."_

 

 

What did I do _now!?_

I look in shock and - fear? - as you freeze over, snatch the bottle, slam it down. Fear not for my safety - fuck that - but that I might have offended you - that you're going to walk _away_ \- and then what do I do? Stuck in Vegas, knowing that there's no point to my life -

 _fuck_...

No, we weren't going to do that... but neither were we going to hurt each other with unpleasant statements -

"I didn't say that to offend you - quite the contrary -" Yeah Seb, why _did_ you say that!?

"It just seemed - you're such a genius. You had a criminal Empire built up by the time you were _25_ \- and you have - quite a short fuse -"

Careful, Seb...

"- you're just not the type of person who patiently sits in the school benches and listens to the nonsense being spouted at the level of the slowest person in the class until they're sixteen. You'd have been bored to tears and decided your time could be better used elsewhere way before that."

 

 

_I've made you nervous - good. Use your head, foolish Tiger. How is not finishing secondary school going to be a source of pride for someone? Or indicate favourable circumstances in their life?_

_I listen to you intently as you explain your reasoning, sounding more and more cautious._

_"Good answer, Sebastian," I allow. "And yes, I was *bored*. Only - it wasn't up to me to leave... That was decided for me when I was put into a mental institution at 12. I won't go into details now, this isn't the time for it. A year later, I escaped. Maybe we should stay away from questions to do with childhood?" I say lightly, before going to you, sitting in your lap, and putting my arms around you._

_"I do have a short fuse..." I whisper in your ear. "I have my reasons... but it's not an excuse. I'm - sorry, Sebbie... my temper isn't about you. But it keeps being directed at you, and... I really am trying, my Tiger..." My hand trails along your cheek, and I lay my head on your shoulder._

 

 

You're apologizing - saying you shouldn't take stuff out on me - saying you're trying –

I hear it somewhere in the back of my mind -

You were in a mental institution by the age of twelve. You _escaped_ \- weren't let go - after a year.

What _happened!?_ What made them keep you for over a year? Where was your family?

I know I should not ask these questions - shouldn't even _think_ them - but how can I not -

Oh _my Jim_ -

Your head is on my shoulder, and I pull you closer, so you don't see my face -

Well done Sebastian, great stag night game - such fun –

 

 

_You're not saying anything... are you upset?_

_I look up at you, and your face is filled with sorrow...you look *haunted*..._

_"Sebastian, it's in the past," I say gently. "A *lifetime* ago. I died, and came back to life as something else entirely. But I didn't realize... it still affects me. That's news." I brood for a moment, then look up at you. "Sebastian, we were meant to be having fun! Let's just forget it, my darling... I want to drink and have fun with you. We're in Vegas - I think it's the *law*..."_

 

 

"Wouldn't want to break the law..." I grin.

"This might not be the best game. I would like to know more about you before we get married, and I would like you to find out more about me, but maybe we can have a less... confrontational way of going about it, and avoid the traumas...

Wait - there's that thing - the 36 questions to fall in love - not that we need questions to fall in love, I think we've crossed that bridge a long time ago, but they're good getting-to-know-you questions. We can avoid ones that we are uncomfortable answering - they weren't quite written with vampires with traumatic childhoods in mind, I guess - but the rest might be fun?"

I google the list on my phone, show it to you.

 

 

_Can’t we just learn about each other naturally... slowly, over a lifetime? A *questions game* for falling in love? Was it from a magazine with tips for soft, silky hair? This is not what I meant by fun. I stop myself from groaning as you speak. *Be*. *Nice*. *Jim*. I think to myself, which sounds so outlandish to my own ears, I almost burst out laughing._

_Instead I dutifully look at the questions on your phone._

_“Whatever you like, Sebbie,” I sing, and drain the rest of the champagne from the bottle. I put it down, and run a hand through my hair. Wait - could it be more soft and silky?? I’m about to take your phone to look up tips, when there’s a knock on the door. “Drinks!” I exclaim in delight._

 

 

Oh, ok. No getting to know you games. Fine, my love - though I wonder why? You're quite the prima donna, so why don't you like talking about yourself?

Anyway, this is a party. If you find talking about yourself not suitable for your party, we will talk about anything else... or not talk at all, for significant chunks of time.

Drinks are carried in by a smiling waiter, who asks how we're enjoying our evening - I don't like the American habit of smiling and asking how you are and trying to appear genuinely happy and interested - give me Basil Fawlty any day - but the people in this hotel seem genuinely cheerful, which is nice on one's honeymoon, I guess. They were probably selected on their ability to act happy, but hopefully are compensated accordingly. He offers to open the champagne bottle but I tell him no, so he just puts it in an ice bucket. I give him a generous tip and he wishes us a very pleasant night.

You've also ordered a good whisky and six beers, five of which I put into the mini-fridge, pouring a nice shot of whisky to go with the sixth one.

"Cheers, my beautiful fiancé," I smile.

 

 

_I ignore the waiter. Humans are for service and for nourishment. Instead I watch you, as you take over the transaction. Answer, tip, get out. Well done, Tiger._

_I take the champagne bottle, and clink your glass._

_"Cheers, my lovely Tiger..." I purr. I pop the champagne, and we're both hit with the spray._

_"Oh! What a mess," I grin and lick the foaming liquid from your face. Then I pour some into a flute for myself. "All right... you wanted to play, let's play. First question." I call up what I saw of the quiz in my mind's eye. "Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? You first, darling..."_

 

 

“Jim - are you sure you want to play this game? You seemed not too keen. I’m happy not to - I’d like to learn more about you, but we’ve got all our lives...”

 

 

_I pull you towards me and kiss you hungrily, easing apart your lips with my tongue. By the time I pull back, you practically fall forward. Your eyes are glazed over._

_I smile at you, pleased._

_"I want to play one of your games. Even the other game was fine, we just needed to establish ground rules... is there anything you don't want to talk about?"_

 

 

 _David_...

... no. I’ve kind of told you already - and I nearly lost you because I had this twisted ideas about him and never spoke about them.

If Demmings hadn’t turned up... and I hadn’t _talked_ with him... would I be here?

No, fuck the strong silent type. I’ve been one for years and it kept me alive, but hardly happy. And there is nothing I want to keep secret from you. Or that I would feel uncomfortable telling you. You look straight through me anyway. And I’m _yours_...

“No. Nothing I can think of. You? Anything to do with childhood?”

 

 

_You have a flash of sadness in your eyes. Oh - your dead love. *Pain*_

_I don't want to know about that! But I also do!! I *have* to know._

_"Childhood. Adolescence." *pain*_

_"Family." *PAIN*_

_My brow furrows. "Doesn't leave much, does it. Well, you've got the adult years, and the vampire year. I'm not exactly an open book, but I'll show you some chapters. The rest... another time."_

_I touch your face._

_"Promise."_

_God, what's come over me? I'm the most opaque, secretive, enigmatic creature, even for a vampire... and I'm promising to let you in on my deepest secrets? To pry open the cellar door and let you in?_

_God... this *must* be love._

 

 

I see the pain on your face - god, I’ll have to walk on eggshells here - no questions before eighteen. Got it.

No family...

though I’m dying to know _what happened_ , if I can do anything to make you feel better, to hold you and kiss you until you are happy...

I can see that this is not the stuff of happy stag dos.

“Jim... my love. I love you unconditionally. I know people say that; but I mean it. I’ll love you even if you never tell me anything else about yourself. I’ll love you if you tell me horrible things. I’ll love you whether you’re human, vampire, or - were-cat or something.”

I kiss your hand. “I don’t ever want you to feel uncomfortable with me. And if I say or ask something to make you uncomfortable - sorry, I’m not the most socially skilled man,” I grin.

“Now! Game! Let’s see how long we last... who would I want as a dinner guest?” I ponder.

“You. Is that cheating? I mean - I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend time with. I’m not fussed about celebrities or politicians - maybe if I could get an assassination in. But - nah, fuck the rest of the world. If I could have dinner with anyone, it’d be you.

And you?”

 

 

_I'm smiling at you as you say the most wonderful words, and kiss my hand softly... god, how am I so lucky to have landed such a sweet, beautiful man... who loves my darkness and even craves it? I have to be so wonderful to you, my darling..._

_You'd choose me?_

_"Darling..." I wind my arms around your neck, beaming up at you. "You are *so sweet*._

_I was going to say Caligula... which sounds not nearly as sweet. But it would be a hard thing to pass up... surreal though it would be. They never explain in these scenarios how the dinner would come to be. Is the person's spirit plucked from the afterlife and told 'you're having dinner with this human now, you've got no choice'? Or is it more like an interactive hologram of that person, based on their personality? Either way - dinner with Caligula."_

_I grab the champagne bottle and pull you towards the sofa._

_"Oh, that was fun, Sebbie! Next question... Would you like to be famous? In what way?"_

 

 

"I wasn't aware it could involve historical people," I muse.

Nearly said dead people. Bad move. "But I stick with my answer."

"Famous? I would _love_ to be the chronicler to document the dinner conversations between Caligula and Moriarty," I chuckle. "I assume you're fluent in Latin?" I say it as a joke, but you nod matter-of-factly. How many hidden talents do you have, Jim? I look forward to finding out...

"But no, I don't want to be famous. I've spent my entire life trying to not be famous, really - my dad wanted a future for me in the spotlights of politics and the golden glow of crystal chandeliers, so I went and made a career out of not being seen lying in the mud and hiding in the rubble. I had the record of most successful snipes - but very few people are aware, because that's a dangerous thing to be known about one. I don't want people to look at me, to talk to me, to read about me. I'm much happier sitting in the dark.

What about you? You strike me as someone who could hold an audience spellbound..."

 

 

_Hmm... this *is* a good game. All this delicious information to store in my Sebastian file... I swing my legs onto the couch and sit cross-legged, playing with your hand on your thigh._

_"Oh, fame... well, the lure is there, of course. Or, *was*..._

_When I was young, I wanted to be a dancer, and then an actor - so certainly, the desire to perform was always there. But I realized... there were other things I wanted out of life, namely power and never having to answer to *anybody*._

_So I found ways to use performing to my advantage. I played various roles in my schemes... and there was an air of provocative melodrama to my persona that helped me create the Moriarty mystique. So I had fame in the underworld. But when people are afraid to speak your name, that goes well beyond fame. *Anyone* can have fame... who has that level of notoriety? Me and Voldemort..." I curl my fingers around yours. "Only I'm far more attractive, and less likely to be defeated by schoolchildren._

_Next question!"_

 

 

You seem to be warming to the game. I'm glad - I'd have tried to distract you into something else if I had the impression you were only doing it for me, but you seem genuinely soaking up the things I tell you about myself. And I love hearing about you...

You'd told me you had wanted to be a dancer, and you would have been a _brilliant_ actor. I've never seen anyone change so entirely as you between Richard, and casual Jim, dominant Jim, dangerous creature of the night, whoever you were when you were seducing that woman... so many entirely different - characters? roles? sides of you?

I feel that the ones you display when you're with me are definitely sides of you - and you've said as much. I wouldn't be happy about marrying Richard if he were just a role you played...

I can imagine you playing around in the underworld, eloquently confusing your opponents, making them terrified of you, because they would never know who they were dealing with... I wish I could have seen you back then. You must have been magnificent...

"Next question - before you make a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say and why?"

 

 

_You appear happy that I’m participating... well, now that we’ve established ground rules, and I just get to learn about you, and talk about myself... and watch you admire me as I speak... what’s not fun about this?_

_“Do I rehearse? I don’t know if you know much about acting... my focus was Stanislavski’s system, although I've added a few other fun tricks I’ve picked up along the way... I use techniques to get into character, but I wouldn't call it rehearsing... it’s more like it comes through me. Sometimes I'll choose a fun phrase to incorporate. And this isn’t just for playing a role, but when I’m being full *Moriarty*, too... it’s certainly easier than maintaining that level of full-out madness. You burn out hard and fast, I can tell you from experience... and that’s pretty much the route I was heading down, until the vampire path took over, and... well, my head’s been in another place since then...” I drink deep from the champagne bottle. I’m touching on sensitive topics, but as long as I don’t dwell, I should be fine... and there’s something about sharing the burden with someone. The burden of being Moriarty... I never thought of it that way. But I’ve been carrying it for a long time..._

_I squeeze your hand and feel comforted by your warmth and your loving eyes._

_“Your turn, Tiger... I can’t see you rehearsing before a phone call...”_

 

 

“What do you mean full Moriarty and madness?” You don’t strike me as mad.

 

 

_"Ah, you didn't know me then... Moriarty was a dark figure hidden in the shadows that no one could reach... a spider on a web, in control of all the threads... and I learned to channel my propensity for madness to make myself into the most terrifying criminal mastermind imaginable... something otherworldly, really. It was a thing of beauty..." I say wistfully, then laugh. "The irony is now I *am* otherworldly, but it feels like I lost some of that... " I gesture vaguely, "psychopathic fervour, I guess you could say. I thought that's what was missing since I became a vampire, I thought that's why I was so desperately unhappy. But since I met you..." I stop and gaze at you longingly._

_"Now that I have you..." I murmur. "I know what was missing. My heart... and you're the one who helped me find it..."_

 

 

Aw - I - oh _Jim_...

I pull you close. You’re so remarkably pleasant to hold - you fit my arms perfectly.

“Thank you. Thank you for - saying that, and for - finding me. I didn’t realize I was lost until you did...”

Bloody hell. This game is good. Only three questions and I think I’m more in love than I ever thought I could be.

 

 

_I move in against you even closer, resting my head on your shoulder. Mmm.. so big. I've always liked *big*, but so often it goes hand in hand with *stupid*. Or macho arrogance. I *especially* enjoy killing those types..._

_You on the other hand are intelligent and *sweet*... and even though your training clearly makes you lethal, you don't need to shove it in people's faces. It's there, in your predatory stance, and your movement... it's shining in your eyes for all to see. Don't. Fuck. With. Tiger._

_Beautiful killer... beautiful psychopath... is it any wonder I picked you out in a crowd? Is it any wonder I had to make you *mine*?_

 

_"Tiger..." I murmur. "We were both lost. The odds were against two killers saving each other, but... since I don't believe in Fate, I'll just have to chalk it up to always getting what I want, in the end. And I got something I didn't even know I wanted... that's how well it works.." I nuzzle your neck._

_"You didn't answer the question yet, darling... keep up, or we won't have any more drinks."_

 

 

“No more drinks?! On my stag night?! Nooo!” I grin, then ponder the question. “Do I rehearse before a call? Why would I? I don’t see the point - you can’t predict what the other is going to say, so any rehearsal would have to be for what you say first thing, or in a scenario that you are pretty sure is going to occur - no, I think that’s best left to star actors like you. I’ll just stay in the shadows and give monosyllabic answers, as is appropriate.

Silly question. Next one: what would constitute a perfect night for you? It says day, but that would be limiting the options.”

 

 

_"Mmm... beautiful, terse killer in the shadows..." I purr, and kiss along your neck._

_Damn, that's sexy... the perfect criminal counterpoint to my more dramatic ways..._

_I tap my fingers to my lips. "The perfect night is... Blood. Sex. Tiger. Which means I'll have the perfect night *every* night... any other details are just a variation..."_

_I raise my head from your shoulder, and smile at you. "Am I supposed to drink now? I've lost track..." I raise the champagne bottle to my lips, watching you as I sip. "Your turn, darling..."_

 

 

"I think the rules of the game are that we drink whenever we want to, which sounds like my kind of game," I say.

"My perfect night... now, let me see...

We're on a tropical island, with our own private villa and beach. It's warm, but the villa is built to keep cool and is in the shade of trees, so we sleep during the day in crisp cotton sheets, protected from the sun by trees and thick walls and curtains, with the sea breeze wafting through the house... then we get up, and when the sun is down, we go to the beach - there's no light pollution, so there are millions of stars, and you point out constellations to me... or there is a huge full moon reflected in the water, with cicadas singing...

And we lie on our towels, and swim under the moon, and fuck on the beach, and eat ice cream under the stars; and when you get hungry you slip to the other side of the island where there's another private villa that we rent out to annoying couples - brash Americans, or arrogant Brits, or crass Russians - and you eat your fill and we swim and laze some more and then just before we go to bed you take me in your arms and bite me and drink just enough to let you savour my taste, and we make love, and then when we're both shattered we have a shower and head back inside..."

 

 

_I listen, enraptured._

_"God, Tiger... your details are *delectable*... constellations, and ice cream, and fucking and my very own supply of stupid tourists, and..."_

_My arms circle your neck. "Biting you...*drinking* you... making love with you..." I breathe in your scent. "I should leave dates up to you... You're clearly a romantic genius..."_

_I kiss your lips and look up at you dreamily. "Let's go on one long romantic adventure that lasts a lifetime... would you like that, Tiger?"_

_*Your* lifetime, I think sadly but keep that to myself._

_I'm going to treasure every minute that I have with you, every *second*..._

_I pull you towards me and kiss you longingly._

 

 

Lasts a lifetime...

And then I'll be old, and dead, and you will still look like this...

Will you be lonely, without me? Or will my death come as a relief, no longer being responsible for this greying decaying man, whose war wounds ache and whose mind wanes? Or will you have gone long before, your marriage vows forgotten, as so many are?

 _Stop it_. Those thoughts are _not welcome_ on the night before our wedding. We're young(ish) and in love and happy and thoughts of death and mortality are for another time - not tonight. Not when I have the sexiest man alive - ( _damn it!_ ) - the sexiest man in the world around me, his mouth on mine...

We break the kiss, looking into each other's eyes longingly. I take a sip from my whisky, kiss you again, let some seep into your mouth. You swallow, lick my lips.

I lift up my phone.

"When did you last sing to yourself, or to another?"

 

 

_You look sad, and try to stifle it. You're not like me, my sweet..._

_I can hide my emotions a lot better when I have to._

_When we stop kissing briefly, we stare into each other's eyes... and it's so poignant and achingly beautiful, I want to cry. But a stag night is not for tears. You let whisky pour into my mouth from your lips, which is unbelievably hot, and then we're onto the next question._

_Bloody waterworks averted..._

_"When did I last sing?" I muse. "I used to sing all the time... pre-vamp. By myself. Snippets of songs to my victims... I sang some opera to a mafioso before I shot him in the throat... and I wasn't half-bad! Other than that... I haven't properly sung to someone since I used to sing Georgie to sleep..."_

_My eyes fly up. I didn't mean to divulge that. Well. This game is strangely powerful... or maybe it's the drinking._

_Fuck it. It's you. Your bright blue eyes staring at me, drinking me in, wanting to *know* about me..._

_"Georgie was... my baby brother. He died when I was a teenager. It's a very sad story... and I will tell you, Sebastian. I just don't want to go there tonight... I hope you understand..."_

 

 

I muse that I'd love to hear you sing; wonder if I'd be able to ask you to sing something for me, when -

oh -

\- your eyes wide, panic, fear - _pain_ \- such pain -

\- _Jim_ -

my heart racing, ribcage shrinking, compressing my heart until it's ready to burst -

 

And you're looking in control of yourself again.

Such immense pain, so quickly pushed away - I am still reeling and you look calm.

Well - now I know why I shouldn't ask about childhood stuff... part of me wants to know, wants to know everything about you, anything that happened, and part of me is terrified - it will break my heart, I know it... but you suffered, are suffering still, and I don't want you to suffer alone...

But again - not now.

I pull you close, pull your face into my neck, my nose in your hair.

"Of course. I'm so sorry, my love..."

 

 

_"It's in the past, Sebastian..." I say quietly, but close my eyes as I feel your strong body comforting me. I lean against you, my face pressed into your neck._

_"God, I keep doing this... Bringing us down... I must not be very good at stag nights," I say wryly. "Good thing I'll only be doing it the once!"_

_I kiss your neck. "I'm fine, darling. Pray, continue... When did you last sing to yourself, or to another?"_

 

 

“I don’t really sing to myself or others... I don’t have a great voice I’m afraid; but I do like singing along when I’m driving. I love long drives on my own when I can just plug in my phone and murder my favourite songs,” I grin, doing my best to seem careless and happy - I am happy. We’ll talk about your childhood some other time.

 

 

_"Mmm, driving and singing terribly... that sounds fun." I grin at you. "We should take a road trip somewhere... well, I already suggested going out to Red Rock Canyon. We can see the desert... howl at the moon... fuck under the stars... and we can drink and sing and be obnoxious. Sounds like a fun honeymoon activity to me..." I beam at you._

 

 

“Howl, fuck, drink, sing, be obnoxious. You picked the _perfect_ husband for all that, my sweet vampire,” I nuzzle.

I glance at the next two questions - one about not ageing and one about how you die - _not_ appropriate. I go for number eight: “Name three things your partner and you seem to have in common.”

 

 

_Mmm... our desert trip is sounding more and more fun._

_*Fun*... there's a thought. I've never thought of things in those terms before... after a few days of meeting you, I'm in Vegas about to get married and take a madcap night drive into the desert... to drink and screw and carry on like idiots._

_*God*... your effect on me has been surprising... and *welcome*, I realize._

_I sigh with pleasure and lean against your shoulder again. "Hmm. We're both killers, and relish the Hunt. Neither of us are beholden to the laws of society. Annnd... we're creatures unlike any others in the boudoir. Would you agree, Tiger?" My hand trails over your chest._

 

 

“I can most certainly agree with that,” I say, finishing my beer. I reluctantly leave your embrace and head for the fridge for another, open it, hop back into your arms, look at my phone.

“Hmmm... I think I know the answer to this one. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?”

 

 

_I love how wrapped up in each other we are... especially since we left for Vegas. We’re almost always touching, or staring at each other soulfully._

_“A week ago, this answer would have been *very* different. I’m still grateful for my mind... but it wasn’t enough to make life *or* unlife worth living, in the end... that’s *you*, Tiger... big, beautiful paws down...” I bury my face in your neck, and sigh dreamily._

 

 

God, we are two smitten teenagers... Romeo and Juliet indeed... no sense or moderation at all, and it’s _exquisite_... I never want to be a sensible boring adult again.

“I think you know my answer too...”

I stroke your hair, so luscious and beautiful, your neck, rest my hand on your arm.

I’m not touching questions ten or eleven - upbringing and life story - nah. Some other time.

“If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?”

 

 

_Now *there's* an interesting question..._

_I breathe you in as I think and play with your golden hair curling over your neck._

_"One quality or ability..." I muse._

_What would my desired goal be? More power and riches? Revenge? Taking over the vampire cabals, or taking them down entirely?_

_"I want..." I falter, "...to be good at loving you..."_

_I sound so fucking vulnerable, it's difficult not to cringe._

_What happened to the cruel, sadistic mastermind? The undead predator?_

_The monster I was... the monster I am... I'm terrified of what either could do to you, if they get their claws into you... their *teeth*._

_You stare at me, nameless wonder in your bright blue eyes._

_Oh god, Sebastian... how do I protect you from myself?_

 

 

I...

... of all the things...

... oh god _JIM_...

I stare at you, and you look back, so vulnerable, so loving, so insecure, - scared? What’s wrong, my bunny?

I scoop you up, pull you onto my lap, hug you close.

“No one has ever been better at loving me than you have been. My darling, my sweet, my angel... what is wrong? Why do you think you can’t?”

 

 

_I will not cry... I will *not cry*..._

_"I'm... not a good person, Tiger. I love you *and* I'm terrified of hurting you. Because my instincts have *never* been loving ones... not since... Georgie."_

_I look up at you, shock moving through me. "Oh..." I chew my lip. "I loved Georgie... Mam, too... but my brother - I would have done *anything* for him... Maybe I'm not a complete monster... maybe there's something still warm in me, even as a vampire..."_

_*It wasn't enough*, I don't say. I became a complete monster because I wasn't enough to protect my loved ones..._

_My jaw twitches._

_I *can't make that mistake again*... I *won't*._

_"I'm still figuring all this out, Tiger... but nothing matters more to me than you. Not a blessed thing. So every moment I'm still on this earth is for you and you alone... I will love you and protect you. My Tiger, my husband-to-be, my heart..." I smile at you faintly._

_There are tears in my eyes, but not sad, so I think it's OK..._

_I throw my arms around you and kiss your face over and over._

 

 

My eyes fill with tears as I hear you - your doubt, your fear, your love...

 _*Jim*_...

"I don't believe there are people who are good or evil. It's all shades of grey - we're all selfish in the end.

You say you're afraid of hurting me because your instincts have never been loving ones, but then you do love me... why do you think you might hurt me?"

 

 

_I bury my face in your chest and snort softly. “I think most people would say pretty definitively that I’m evil,” I say wryly. “But then... most people aren’t sexy assassins. And I’ve never once cared what people thought, anyway. Boring. Sanctimonious. Morons.”_

_I’m quiet for a moment as I play with your hand. “I guess... it’s easy, one week in. When we’re so in love, and about to get married, and go on honeymoon... what happens after? A year from now? Five? Will I still be loving? Will my lesser nature take over? I don’t even mean my vampire nature, I already gave you my word and that’s something I don’t break. Ever. I mean... the cruel, sadistic side of me... the *psychopath* that James Moriarty was, before I vamped out, before I fell in love with Sebastian Moran, and he became my Tiger, and... I made him take me to Vegas to tie the knot.” I kiss your neck. “You can’t get out of that, you know...” I whisper. “The knot will hold...”_

 

 

"I should hope so..." I whisper, then lean back, frown.

"Jim - fuck, I sound like a cliché best man speech, but marriage is _always_ a risk. Fuck, _any_ relationship is a risk. _Life_ is a risk. What if we get hit by a bus on the way to the chapel? What if one of us falls out of love? What if you become a cruel sadistic psychopath called James Moriarty? What if I get erectile dysfunction? If we let ourselves be ruled by _what if_ s, we can only huddle in a basement in fear, and I for one don't want to live like that.

I may be a bit of an adrenaline junkie, but I'm not stupid, and I'm not a pushover. I _enjoy_ you being cruel and sadistic, in case you hadn't noticed yet - but if you're being cruel and sadistic in a way that I _don't_ enjoy, I'll _tell_ you. If you stop loving me, you'll tell me. And we'll deal with it like people have dealt with heartache and relationships since the dawn of time - by talking, and crying, and trying. Because that's all we can do.

Neither of us knows the future, Jim, and I don't think I'd choose that as my superpower either. I prefer to just - look at the future, with all the uncertainties it brings, and say - well, I don't know what the fuck's going to happen, but I'll take the risk, and I'll take it with you. That's what love and trust means. And you may be a vampire, and I may be an assassin, and we may both be a bit less sane than the average Joe, but in the end, what we face is no more or less daunting than what every couple faces, and there's no need to make a big melodrama out of it, Edward Cullen."

 

 

_I'm listening to you, protesting silently, waiting for my moment to interject when you launch the Twilight missile..._

_My mouth drops open upon impact._

_Then snaps shut. "My dear... sweet... Bella..." I say, holding your chin. "I am a *vampire*... a creature of darkness and depravity... you couldn't escape the *melodrama* if you left by horse, or car, or plane, or bloody space shuttle... now if you can stop yapping about all these ridiculous scenarios for one moment, I'll *remind* you... the world bends to my will. *Not* the other way around. None of these things shall come to pass., you foolish... ridiculous... Tiger... now *you* answer the fecking question, my love. Make it good, and I'll forget what you called me," I kiss you heatedly, and turn my head to drink deep from the champagne bottle. I arch an eyebrow as I wait._

 

 

Ooooh, that's one indignant vampire. Mouth dropping open and everything - so cute... I can't help but grin as you grab my chin and lecture me on the necessity of drama for vampires. I'm about to give another snarky comment when you hit my weak spot - your _power_...

God, yes, the world bends to your will... if it knows what's good for it... and so does this ridiculous Tiger...

Ah. Answer the question. Eh. Make it good. Oh.

Well, how do I beat your answer? That was so sweet, so - genuine, so adorable -

What would I like? To make you happy, to love you forever, to beat your enemies, to protect you from all you fear... to give you back your brother...

I take a deep drink from my beer, buying time. Fuck. Come on Seb, think.

"I'd like the ability to make you laugh."

 

 

_"Oh, but you already have that, darling! I've never been the laughing sort... well, not for a very long time. You've already made me a helplessly giggling vampire more times than I can count. Most unbecoming for a creature of darkness... and don't forget the depravity. And did I mention deviance?" God, now you have me riffing on the Spanish Inquisition... I shake my head as I look at you._

_"Besides, if I'm ever feeling down, I just have to remember the funniest creature of all... the assassin who called me Edward Cullen and lived." I pour the rest of my champagne over your head and when you yell in surprise, I pounce on you, giggling._

_"See, Tiger?" I shriek with laughter as you flip me over. "It's working already..."_

 

 

Hurrah, my superpower works. I have a giggling tipsy vampire in my arms, and I’ve never seen a more lovely sight.

I rub my wet face on your face, making you squeal and giggle more, and then you push me over and we both land on the floor and have an interesting tussle because you are both lighter and stronger than me, but neither of us are at full strength because we’re half incapacitated with the giggles - dear goodness, some creatures of darkness we are...

... and then you are kissing me and I do not want to giggle or throw you off - I just want to feel that sweet tongue against mine, your body on me, so small, so powerful, your hands stroking the champagne through my hair...

“Jim...” I sigh.

 

 

_"Sebastian..." I whisper back, holding your face in my hands._

_I make no move to get up off the floor or you. I just stay where I am... straddling your strong body, staring into your eyes, and kissing you again... again... again..._

_"I can't wait until we're married," I murmur, in between kisses. "I think your silly quiz is working... ask me another question, darling..."_

 

 

"Ehm..." I grasp for my phone.

"If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?"

Huh... I have no idea...

 

 

_I roll my eyes. "Most truths can be determined using my mind... even future events. Although..." my brow furrows. It didn't stop me from being turned into a vampire - I didn't see foresee *that* potential future unfolding. So not *100%* infallible, clearly... but then, how dull that would be! Nothing's any fun if the risk of dying isn't there!_

_But *you*, on the other hand..._

_"The only truth I'd want to know is any potential factor that could harm you... so I could neutralize it. You wouldn't be able to find a trace of that threat with a *microscope* by the time I was done with it... And you, Tiger?"_

 

 

Aw, that's sweet... my protective bloodsucker...

Though if the crystal ball dealt in probabilities of potential harm to me, I'm pretty sure that _you_ would come out on top, my love... as you yourself so sadly proclaimed earlier. I can defend myself against most other predators... and I don't think anyone is particularly keen on killing me - no one who knows who I am, anyway. But you - you just have to lose that volatile temper a bit too much... or get a bit too hungry, forget yourself when you're feeding... and it's bye bye Bassy.

I realize I'm thinking this without fear or aversion - if you kill me, then so be it. I'm not one to walk away from something because of danger - especially not this. You. Fuck, no - even if the crystal ball would tell me you will definitely kill me within five years, I'd say fuck it - worth it.

"The truth about anything... pfooh..." I ponder. I really have no idea... wait.

"There is one thing." I swallow. Well, I said I had nothing to hide - and I don't -

"We were in Herat for a while. These kids liked to hang round the camp, run errands, sell little things, practice English. I knew some Dari, which they found hilarious. There was this one kid, called Najib, who was very bright. He didn't know any English when we met, he was only about seven, but he picked it up really quickly. He became my little buddy - he'd correct my Dari; like I said, he was really bright. I don't much care for kids, but I liked this one. I'd get him the occasional treat, and he always made sure to share it with his siblings - he was really sweet.

Anyway, at some point we did a raid on a house; it was said a prominent Taliban leader was hiding there. It was a maze, there were a lot of men, armed to the teeth, darkness, close quarters. We did manage to get the guy. As we went out, we were shot at from a building on the other side of the street, so we returned fire, managed to get to the vehicle and leave.

The next day, this man showed up with the bodies of two young boys. He said he was their father, and that we had shot them. Our commander said they always say that to make us look bad in the eyes of the public, and he probably wasn't even their father. But the guy - the look in his eyes - he was genuinely so very upset - he was desperate -

\- and one of the kids - it was Najib. He looked so small, so pale, with the red blood staining him...

There's no saying that we killed the kids. There was a lot of shooting, they could have been hit at any time, by anyone.

And - I don't even care for kids. People die in a war, it's inevitable, some younger than others. But Najib - he was a special kid. So very bright, and - yeah. I don't know. I just felt - bad.

So - if I could know anything - I would want to know if I was the one who killed Najib."

God, I do know how to keep the evening cheerful, don't I?

 

 

_I listen to your story, a bit perplexed. I have to admit, I'm surprised that this would weigh on your conscience all these years - We're predators... we operate by the laws of the jungle, not the park._

_It wasn't even a child you knew particularly well..._

_And as you said, sometimes kiddies end up as collateral damage. Well, that's not exactly what you said._

_Oh god, me and my amoral mind... if you felt some kind of connection for the kid, I should be supportive of that... right?_

_I should say something, now... What's something supportive (and not chilling) to say?_

_"Oh, my Tiger...It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong... you were doing what you had to do for your mission. But - I love that you still have a heart." And I realize with a shock that it's true._

_I kiss your forehead gently, and whisper into your hair. "You'll never know, darling. But it's OK to let it go, Sebastian... accidents happen. You did *nothing wrong*... it's life that kills us in the end."_

_And I put my arms around you and hold you close._

 

 

You don't get it... I didn't think you would. I am not even sure if I get it.

I know I did nothing wrong, I know it's circumstance that killed Najib... but it was _war_ that killed him, and war was what I was, what I breathed, what I lived for... still am, in a way. I am death; when I meet people professionally they die. Or others die around them.

And I never felt bad about that. I never particularly wanted anyone to live, after the one person I actually found important was killed by the guy who gave me life. My existence was a dance of death, and I was fucking good at it - still am. I can kill with utmost precision, with silence, with stealth, with speed. And - I know my target, and my target dies. 'Collateral damage' is - inelegant. It's an unprofessional mess, as well as whatever human consideration you want to give it. Which I usually don't, but this time - this one time - I was sick of war, sick of death. I wanted to hang it up there and then.

I didn't, of course. Shrugged it off, got drunk, got another mission, focussed on that. But I never forgot that broken little body. And - I know rationally it doesn't matter if I killed him - he's dead. But somewhere, in a hidden part of me, it matters.

And I'll never know.

And I really should stop being so miserable on my own fucking stag night.

"You're right, my beloved prince... sorry for being all maudlin. It was a long time ago, and there's nothing anyone can do about it..."

I raise my phone.

"Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?"

 

 

_I observe you closely... I feel like I should still be comforting you, but... I think if our stag night got side-tracked by this, that would just make you even sadder. So... the game continues._

_I wrap my arms tightly around you to protect you from everything, your own feelings included...which means the silly game appears to be working its magic._

_"Something I've dreamed of doing..." I muse. "All of my dreams were related to the Empire, I thought. But..." My brow furrows. "I guess... it's silly."_

 

_You straighten up. "What?"_

 

_"It's *silly*..." I look away._

 

_"Jim."_

 

_I look at you and sigh. "I liked amusement parks when I was young. Candyfloss. Rides. The lights. The games and the prizes. I went a few times when I was very small... and then Mam promised to take me again, but something always got in the way. Da was in a foul mood. Mam was drunk. Whatever. When I was twelve, I decided I was old enough to go the annual carnival, and I would take Georgie with me. He deserved some fun. And I would win him a huge teddy bear. Anyway. Things didn't work out. By the time the carnival came around, I was in the institution and Georgie was in foster care." I stare off for a moment and then rub my eyes. "And as for why I never did it... I never had anyone else I wanted to go with..." I mumble. Oh this game is magic all right... the memories of dead children and dead dreams are really weaving their enchantment over us. I would fall onto the floor, but we're already on the floor. I bury my face in your chest._

 

 

“Jim...”

My heart breaks further. I didn’t know it could. What is this game about, beating you down into love? I mean - it does make me love you more - so much - but it seems all we do is tell miserable stories even when we’re avoiding the triggering questions.

I hold you close, kiss you.

“I know I can never replace your brother... but if you’d like to, I’ll go to a fair with you... a small village fair, or a big one here... and I’m sure I can win you the largest teddy bear in the shooting tent...”

I’m not sure if this is helping or making it worse, but you do smile at me.

“Thank you, Tiger...” you look at me. “And what about you?”

I ponder. Maybe I should go a bit more light-hearted?

“Hmmm... I have to say that I have long had fantasies about being owned... being completely at someone’s mercy, being someone’s sex toy, slave, property...

but I think it’s clear why I never did it - no one is good enough, strong enough, intelligent enough... I could never give myself like that to any person, because I could never respect and... revere someone enough to allow them to rule me.

No person... no _human_ person...”

I look into your large black eyes.

I think I’ve managed to distract you...

 

 

_I imagine us at a fair... walking with my tall, beautiful husband, as I carry an adorable, ridiculously large bear._

_You are *so sweet*, and I smile despite myself._

_And then... you divulge your dream and it's a *very different* kind of sweet._

_"You want to win me a toy... and then be my toy?" I ask innocently._

_My body moves against yours sinuously._

_"Mmm...*Sebastian*..." I murmur. "The Fates have found the perfect creature for you, my darling... Because you *are* owned... you *are* my property... and you are *absolutely* at my mercy..."_

_My fangs descend without my willing it, and we both stare at each other, not moving._


	15. People Who Eat Darkness

What you will see

Are the threads of what I want you to believe

And all that you hold dear

Is under threat from someone all too near

We who eat the darkness

We who eat the darkness

 

 

Your fangs are extending. You are looking a bit taken aback by it yourself - it appears to be an involuntary reaction, much like getting an erection.

You look at me.

I look at you.

I'm not sure what to do, say - I don't want to move away, because you might think that I don't want you to, but I don't want to move towards you either, because you said you wanted to wait until tomorrow - saving me until marriage - hah...

I just stare into your eyes, transfixed, not like a prey hypnotized by the predator; I could move away, but I don't want to, I want you - I want you...

 

 

_I imagine blood moving under your skin like ruby nectar._

_I hear your heartbeat... your warm blood rushing through your veins..._

_Why did I decide to wait until tomorrow??_

_Oh yes, so you could recover from *last time*..._

_Twinges of guilt feel like my heart is being pulled with hooks._

_But... you said you wanted it..._

_and you look like you want it..._

_"Sebastian?" I whisper._

_I take your hand and slowly move the underside of your wrist up to my nose. I breathe in your scent like apple blossoms in an orchard, like fresh bread baking in a kitchen, like vintage wine swirling in a glass..._

_"Are you feeling strong enough to..." I breathe, and drag my tongue along your warm skin._

_I shouldn't be asking you this, it's only been a few days since I nearly *killed* you..._

_I look up at you through half-closed eyes, feeling myself weaken._

_"I would very much like to... drink you, Tiger..." I purr, and press my face into your wrist._

 

 

Your eyes are dark and rapturous...

You are the most magnificent creature I’ve ever seen...

And I’m _yours_...

I want nothing more than to feel you... feel those fangs pierce my skin... feel you take my lifeblood as your own... surrender to you - god, yes...

You smelling me - _tasting_ me - desire filling the air, pregnant with longing...

God, yes, please -

“Please- please Jim, drink me - I want you to - I want nothing more... I want to feel you pierce me, feel your thirst, feel you take my life into your own... I’m yours, Jim... I love you...”

I notice I’ve moved my head back, baring my neck. You’re smelling my wrist but I want you in my neck, closer, holding me...

I pull you towards me.

 

 

_Oh god, Sebastian... your neck is so much harder to resist..._

_I shouldn't..._

_but you want me..._

_I've dropped your wrist._

_I'm staring at the pulse in your neck._

_I allow you to draw me closer... closer..._

_I hear myself murmur, "Darling...Beautiful... Darling..."_

_And then my fangs slide into your neck._

_Careful, Jimmy... only a little..._

_your sweet smoky blood trickles into my mouth and I moan._

_Beautiful..._

_So..._

_Beautiful..._

 

 

You are coming closer, and I watch it in slow motion, like a moment of life and death... which I guess this is... you are so fucking incredibly beautiful, your eyes half-closed, your mouth slightly open, your fangs extended... coming closer to my neck, coming into my arms... mumbling how beautiful I am...

And then - you are on me; your lips touch my neck - this is it -

Pain as your fangs pierce my skin, my blood vessels - such an intense feeling - I moan softly, surrender into your arms, under your mouth, softly sucking, sucking my blood...

So... good...

 

 

_Oh god... Sebastian..._

_Your lifeblood flows across my lips, my tongue..._

_Your moan fills my ears, reverberates through me..._

_I suck sensuously, gently, and a rumbling purr sounds in my throat._

_Your blood is pouring into me, filling me with intoxicating fire..._

_I'm shining... *shining* with life and light..._

_At a distance, I hear you moan..._

_Sebastian..._

_*Fuck*. With a gasp, I draw back and look at you. I cover your wound with my hand._

_I see you opening your eyes, looking up at me, and I practically collapse with relief._

_"Sebastian!" I exclaim. "Did I take too much?? How do you feel?!"_

_I draw a nail sharply across my wrist, and hold it out to you._

_"Have just a little, Tiger..." I urge. "It will help your wound close more quickly..."_

 

 

Your purr vibrates through my body as my blood pours into your mouth.

It feels so good... The first time I didn't really register what was happening, but now I'm fully focussed, it's so sensual... the penetration, the surrender, the flow of life from me into you... my Jim... my love...

Each pulse from the blood flow reverberates through my entire body, like waves of a subtle orgasm...

I moan, sinking deeper into the soft submission...

And then you pull away, and I want to whimper - no - it was so good - come back...

I open my eyes, see a panicked face - no, Jim, I'm fine - I don't just die from a bit of blood loss -

I want to speak, but my muscles are heavy...

Then - the smell of blood - but not like I ever smelled it; rich, dark, heavy - heavenly -

\- you want me to drink you?

But that's the wrong way round... I couldn't...

It smells so good though...

I put my lips on your wrist, taste the red ruby liquid on my tongue -

\- velvet night, black roses on wolf fur, dark eyes reading my soul - essence of life and death -

I suck eagerly, longing, thirsting –

 

 

_I watch in fascination as you drink from my wrist, with a look on your face like you've discovered a fountain of nectar and ambrosia._

_Well, in some ways that's true... It has the potential to make you an immortal, the closest thing to a god on this green earth..._

_But not unless I drained you almost to the point of death, which I *won't*. And I don't want to see you become addicted, either..._

_"That's all you need, Sebastian..." I whisper._

_Ruefully, I start to pull back my wrist from your mouth._

 

 

No - don't -

I look up at you, my lips wet with your blood. I lick them.

"That was - god, Jim, that's _delicious_ \- is that - blood isn't supposed to taste like that, I'm pretty sure - I mean, I haven't drunk a lot of blood in my life, but... is vampire blood special? Is that why you say it will help me heal quicker?"

 

 

_"Well... I have yet to understand what makes a vampire a *vampire*... the lore is all very supernaturally-based, not scientific at all. But, short answer, yes, vampire blood is special. It's where our immortality comes from, and all our other qualities... quick healing... imperviousness to disease and infection... strength... speed... so you'll have enhanced abilities for a few days. Stamina, recovery time..." I say with a sly smile. "Found me delicious, did you? Your blood is the most wonderful nectar I've ever tasted..." I sigh dreamily, then look at you with concern. "Are you feeling alright?"_

 

 

"Yes - yes, I feel great. I really loved you drinking from me, that felt... unlike anything I've ever felt; I can't compare it - but it was _good_. I did feel a bit - heavy, after, but then your blood - did make me feel a lot better."

I sit up, move my arms, my head.

"Yeah - fully clear," I grin. "And -"

Oh.

Yes, little Seb enjoyed all that too.

Your face is still so close to mine. Your eyes are shining, looking into mine, so -

I lick my lips.

" - and ready for whatever else you might want, Sir..."

 

 

_I tilt my head and look at you. Mmm... flushed Tiger... horny Tiger..._

_"Well, then. Why don't we see just how you're affected by vampire blood? For scientific purposes, of course..."_

_I arch an eyebrow at you, and move against your pelvis, feeling your cock against mine._

_"What are you waiting for? Big, strong Tiger..." I lick my lips back at you._

_"*Fuck me*," I growl._

 

 

Little Seb is _very_ interested. As is big Seb.

Fuck you...

 _god_ , yes - I'm rock hard, though I don't think that's due to the vampire blood - how could I _not_ be, with those eyes on me, that _voice_ saying 'fuck me'...

I moan, lift you up - huh. That is easier than it would have been. I am strong, but lifting you from where we're both sitting down on the floor should be harder. Interesting. Also completely irrelevant, because now I'm throwing you onto the bed, grabbing the lube from the nightstand, and diving on top of you, kissing you voraciously.

 

 

_You lift me up like a feather, and my breath catches in my throat as I feel the strength radiating from you._

_*Oh*..._

_*Tiger*..._

_You're already so strong, but this..._

_is..._

_so..._

_bloody..._

_*HOT*._

_Especially as I'm thrown to the bed, and a randy Tiger plasters himself against me, devouring my lips..._

_*Fuck*..._

_*yes*..._

_I wrap my legs around you and moan low in my throat._

 

 

My Jim, my vampire, my dark prince, my lord, my Richard, my bunny, my love, my life, my everything...

I’m going to have you, all of you, so good, so hard, so often...

I can’t think of anything except you and _fucking_ you - you are divine, you are _shining_ , I’m not imagining it, there is an ethereal glow to you, and it’s pulling me in, inexorably, like a black hole - oh wait, that’s not very romantic. Like a powerful magnet, like a god calling his priest... I’d move heaven and earth to be with you, but you’re * _right here*_ , so I’m going to move heaven and earth for you...

I slick you, myself, kissing you like I can find salvation in your saliva, and push myself close - oh god - _Jim_ –

 

 

* _God*... you've never kissed me like this before, and we've kissed a *lot* in the days we've been together since we met..._

_*Days*??_

_Mental... I can't imagine spending a *single day* without you..._

_Is this because of the quiz? The bite? The blood?_

_Because we're hours away from our wedding day?_

_*Yes*..._

_*Fuck yes*..._

_"Want you..." I mutter feverishly in between kisses, "I *want you*, Tiger..."_

 

 

Wantwantwant... want is all I am, all I can think, all that exists... and the object of this want is in my arms, pushing himself against me, and moaning that he wants _me_... and I’m going to _marry_ him tomorrow - and I’m so incredibly in love and I’m floating...

I push inside, so good, so perfect, made for me, no, I was made for you; I was made for loving you baby; ohh god -

That blood was like a combination of coke and ecstasy, but better...

and you are the devil and his angels, all in one divine package, and I’m _yours_ , but you’re mine too, because the world needs to be in balance, and I push in further and you’re moaning, and feeling so incredible...

 

 

_It doesn't take much to get what I ask for... soon, you're obliging me, and I feel the head of your cock pushing into me. Soon your cock is advancing into me, and I'm groaning loudly. You seem deliciously *high* from my blood, and it's made you completely intoxicated for me... which is making me intoxicated for you, but it's our stag night anyway, and why shouldn't we be as plastered and love-drunk as we want?_

_As you start to move in me, I'm pushing back against you, moaning out your name._

_The bedsprings are already squeaking..._

_The bed frame is already thumping against the wall..._

_I suspect this is going to be very energetic and loud... I yank your head back by the hair, and bring down your neck to my lips. I press my tongue to the dried wound on your neck. Then nipping it, I lick up the drops of blood that spill from your skin._

_I lick my lips, feeling my eyes glow. Bringing your mouth down to mine, I kiss you hungrily._

 

 

You’re biting again - so good - the sensation melds so perfectly with my cock inside you; I’ll have to ask you to drink from me when we’re fucking - oh wait, you did, the first time - but that doesn’t count; we didn’t know what was going on - who we were - who we are - together, meant to be together, forever - well - kind of - oh fuck no don’t think about that; most people never get this and you’re miffed that you’re not immortal? Fuck off, Moran...

Oh god you’re incredible...

“Jim... so good...” I moan. “I love you... god I love you...”

I reach for your hard cock, start stroking. I want you to enjoy this every little bit as much as I am...

 

 

_"I love you, Sebastian..." I murmur. "So much, darling..."_

_Your hand on my cock obliterates all thought._

_There is only moaning, and whimpering, and calling out your name._

_"oh fuck... oh fuck... so good," I rave, and buck against your hips, as you thrust into me and stroke me._

_"God... Tiger... *Tiger*..." I cry out and my head falls back against the pillow._

_So close._

_so close..._

 

 

This is heightened, sharpened, sweetened; I feel everything so acutely and it's divine... my Jim, my love, around me, so unbearably good, your moans, your words, each of them sparking of a tingle of electricity in my brain, shimmering right down to my cock, your face so rapturous, and I _explode_ , my body jerks, spasms with pleasure, all my muscles tense, all my nerves vibrate, as an orgasm so _intense_ it's beyond endurance tears me apart and shatters me through the universe... and you shatter with me, I hear your shout and feel your wetness against me, and we disperse together, to the farthest reaches of space...

 

 

_I'm shattering... disintegrating... unravelling..._

_wave after rolling wave of shivering, shuddering vibrations threatening to tear me apart..._

_in the distance, I hear you moaning... gasping... sighing..._

_You're coming inside me, and I've come hard in your hand._

_Slowly I return to my body, to the room - pinned underneath you, your cock in my arse, trying to hold yourself up so as not to collapse on me._

_I lift my head weakly. You look stunned as you look down at me._

_"I did mention sex as a vampire is more intense, didn't I?" I mumble, then drop my head back onto the pillow. And apparently it's even more intense when your partner has been imbibing vampire blood..._

_I grin up at you, and stroke your face._

_"This... is going to be a fucking *intense* honeymoon, Tiger..." I purr._

 

 

"I'm... not even... a vampire..." I manage to gasp, as I give up the fight to hold myself above you - I must stop thinking of you as weak because you're small, you're not going to collapse under my weight - and let myself sink onto you, breathing heavily.

You're not breathing. Of course not, but it's a bit - odd, after such an intense shag, to have only one party panting. At least you have the decency to drop your head like it's too much effort to hold it up.

I breathe in your neck, your wonderful scent, incomparable to anything I've ever smelled, it's just - you. I don't think I can ever move again.

"I survived Lord Moran, Eton, Oxford, Afghanistan, and Iraq... but I fear that my honeymoon may well turn out to be what does me in..."

 

 

_I smile as you let yourself collapse onto me, and then breathe me in. Your weight on me is comforting. Your face in my neck is out of this world._

_"Oh, I'm sure you'll survive it... I won't allow you to be done in, Tiger..." I whisper in your ear._

_I place my hand on your head, and play with your hair absently._

_"Forgot to mention vampire blood will make you sleep more during the day. Do you want to continue the game?"_

 

 

“Hnnnzhgn,” I reply, reach out a hand, find a bottle, but it’s empty. I roll off you, flopping dramatically, roll off the bed, drag myself to the fridge, open it, open a beer, and take a big sip.

“That’s better. I swear, you will be the death of me...”

You look uncertain if you should be concerned -

“Not the blood-drinking - that’s fine. It’s the intense sex that is going to give me a heart attack...”

I drag myself back up onto the bed.

“Game. Right. I think it’s working. I’m definitely madly in love with you...

Where were we... oh... what’s the greatest accomplishment of your life?”

 

 

_At 'madly in love', I beam at you and snuggle up into the crook of your arm._

_"Greatest accomplishment... the Empire, hands down. With a close second being killing my maker..." I feel my eyes glint dangerously. "I still dream of it... he never saw it coming."_

_For a moment I see my maker's face overcome with shock and horror as I come at him with a gleaming axe..._

_I shiver with delight and look up at you. "So... crime and power... intrigue and murder... the jewels in my crown."_

_I extend my arms out in a grandiose gesture. "The Secret Life of Richard Brook..." I whisper, grinning._

 

 

“Deadliest bunny on the Northern Hemisphere,” I grin.

“I’m all sticky - _someone_ threw champagne over me. Want to have a quick shower, deadly bunny?”

We head to the shower and wash each other lovingly, exploring every inch, tracing muscles and scars, you fussing about your bite mark, and saying it should heal quickly, me saying it’s fine, it’s hardly noticeable, looking at the line in your wrist, which already looks a day old and well underway to healing. Interesting. The army could do with some vampires... plenty of operations in the dark and the strength, perception, charm, and fast healing would come in very handy.

Rations might be an issue though.

“So what about you, Tiger? What is your greatest accomplishment?”

“Getting into the Regiment,” I answer without hesitation. “The selection process is _quite_ gruelling, only five to ten per cent make it - and these are guys who are already the cream of the army; each and every one of them thinks they have what it takes, and have been vetted to be allowed to do the selection. Getting through - and then _excelling_ \- definitely my greatest accomplishment.”

 

 

_The shower is blissful. I can't believe I get to do this every day... sexy time and snuggle time with my gorgeous fiancé, *husband* after today._

_And I am *loving* getting to know you with this ridiculous quiz. It's alarmingly soppy, and I *don't care*._

_"I'm not at all surprised to hear you excelled in the SAS... I can tell just by looking at you that you'd be gifted and exceptional at what you do. Not just at killing, although that is a fine quality..." I look at you admiringly. "And to think, there were such favourable reports about you as a contractor, and I was too wrapped up in my own existential vampire melodrama to pay attention! When I was alive, I would have checked you out *very* thoroughly..." My lips quirk. "Especially when I would have seen a photo in your file. Oh, our paths definitely would have crossed. Only... I was rather horrid then, compared to when you met me. I'm glad you met the deadly bunny first, before the monster inside." I nip at your neck playfully, before we leave the shower._

_"So why did you leave the SAS?" I ask curiously, as you towel me off. A shadow crosses over your face. "Sorry. Ugh. Tiger, we keep doing this. Do you get the impression that we're terrible at light-hearted evenings? Tell me another time, darling. Whenever you're ready."_

_I stare at you, dying to know._

 

 

Oh.

Yes.

That seems like a logical question.

Right.

"It's ok - I said I got nothing to hide, and I don't - it's just - well. Not the happiest memory. I loved the regiment, really did - well, you know, I told you, loved my patrol mates. But -" I sigh. "I'm just - I suck at following orders. Not yours, of course, but - the thing with the army is that sometimes you get orders that you know don't make sense - and they expect you to follow them anyway. No questions asked.

So - early on in the army, I learnt to deal with that - I wanted to move on, so I accepted it as something I had to bear in order to progress. And when I got into the Regiment - there's much more autonomy, you're more trusted as an adult who knows what they're doing. So I kind of got spoilt. I was _good_ at what I did, I was good at assessing situations, I trusted my mates, they trusted me, we worked like one smooth body - it was great. As long as they let us do our job, we were the best. I excelled at strategy, was made sergeant, I was at the summit of my career.

So - I guess you can tell where this is going. I got cocky - thought I could do what I wanted. But the army is still the army, and you still don't punch the major during a strategy briefing, even if his briefing is idiotic and he won't listen to reason.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back, they said; I'd had a lot of black marks against me, but they'd kept me on because of my success rate, but in the end, I was 'not SAS material'. That hurt the most. I know that it was bullshit, it was just them saying that they needed elite soldiers, but _obedient_ elite soldiers, like Robocop or something, and they just couldn't deal with someone who thought for himself. Fine when it saved the day - hey, well done Moran, have a beer, have a promotion, but then when your knowledge and experience and intelligence goes against a senior officer - it's suddenly insubordination and you're out on your arse.

With a shining record, daddy dearest made sure of that - wouldn't want the neighbours to know his son was _dismissed_ \- bad enough that he went into the army in the first place, instead of polishing the seats in the House of Lords with a rapidly fattening arse.

Anyway. I didn't want to leave. So - if the next question is 'what is the worst accomplishment of your life,' that's it."

You are looking at me with a face that's an improbable mixture of pride and pity.

"* _However*_ ," I say, forcing a smile, "If I'd stayed in the desert, how would I have met you? So - without knowing it, they gave me the ultimate gift - the chance to meet the love of my life..."

 

 

_I think about your story as we return naked to the bedroom. You sit cross-legged on the bed, looking somewhat dejected._

_"The love of your life has a few thoughts. First, I'm sorry that this experience caused you pain, Sebastian." (Good empathizing, vampire psychopath. *Very* good.)_

_I open the fridge, take out a beer and twist off the cap. I have a sip and then hand it over, before sitting next to you._

_"Second, any institution, no matter how elite, is built on a foundation of obedience and compliance. So, no point in banging your head against that particular wall."_

_I tap my lips with my fingers, pensively._

_"Ah, yes... third! *Fuck* them if they couldn't see your value or worth... this is exactly what's *wrong* with institutions and their cookie-cutter mentality."_

_Eyes flashing, I swipe your beer from you and have another sip._

_"Finally, fourth. Speaking as James Moriarty, and *not* your cuddly vampire bunny, if I were given two versions of you to choose from - elite soldier or obedient elite soldier, which do you think I would choose? A mindless, spineless killing machine who can't think for himself when the situation calls for it? Or a potential pain in the arse who gets in my face when the unspeakable happens and I've made a wrong bloody call?"_

_I place your bottle back in your hand, and wrap it firmly in my own._

_"Darling, please remind me to send the SAS a thank-you card - for training you to be the best fucking special forces soldier - that they've ever seen, I imagine. And then for not having the vision and intelligence to understand how *incalculable* your value is... do you know how many employees I've had that *didn't* meet my standards? *All of them*, Sebastian. *Not a bloody one*. You're the only one I would ever trust to be my second in command, and I'm not saying that because of my *feelings* or how breathtaking you are in bed."_

_My hand curls around the back of your neck. I lean my forehead against yours, and in a low voice I say, "You can see your experience as the SAS doing you wrong, if you want. Or you can see it as the SAS teaching you everything they could, until you had outgrown them. And then *you* chose to release yourself from the bondage of subservience to rules that didn't make sense... *You* chose to act in a way that guaranteed you were released back into the wilderness, where you belong. Where you met the one person who could give you... everything you've been looking for."_

_I pull back and look at you intently. "All the adventure and intrigue of your life with the Regiment... but answering only to the one person you can truly ally yourself with, who has knowledge and experience and intelligence that you respect, and knows when to defer to *yours*."_

_I take your face in my hands._

_"You weren't the only one who was looking for something without even realizing it. You're *The One*, Sebastian...The One I've been waiting for."_

 

 

Yeah, sorry Moriarty, but you don’t strike me as someone who deals well with insubordination...

... however, you do seem like someone who recognizes good advice when he hears it. This is probably because I’m madly in love, but I can’t imagine you persisting in a bad course after it’s been explained. You're too smart.

Wait - your second in command?

The One you've been waiting for?

"Wait - what, Jim? Are you offering me a job?"

 

 

_I tilt my head, watching you. "That is what it sounds like, isn't it?" I say lightly. "Unless you prefer to keep doing contract work... which apparently has been indirectly for me, anyway?"_

_My brow furrows. "I have an Empire that I've been ignoring, somewhat... You have the makings of a second in command. But this is our honeymoon, no important decisions need to be made. Think about it," I say offhandedly. *Of course* you're going to work for me. This is not up for debate._

_I wrap my arms around you, and kiss you soundly._

 

 

Well - it does seem to make sense -

I mean, I couldn't keep doing contract work where I could be hired by your competition - and then if I start refusing work that's not for you, I might as well work for you.

Second in command though? That's quite - a lot of trust to put in someone you haven't seen work - well, I guess you've heard stories about Mr Fox... but that's just that I can shoot the right person. Nothing special.

But you're right.

Honeymoon.

We have all our lives to discuss work.

Oh.

Well.

Anyway.

I have a swig of my beer, take my phone.

"What do you value most in a friendship?"

 

 

_"Irrelevant question. I don't have friends. I've never had friends. Next!"_

 

 

You never had friends? What - never? I mean - I am Mr Antisocial, and even I had friends - at school, and then my army mates -

But, no - wait -

"You do. You have a friend. At least one."

 

 

_I look at you, perplexed. “My imaginary friend Richard?”_

 

 

"Fuck off," I laugh, but you're looking serious.

"Jim!" I look at you, gesture at myself indignantly.

 

 

_I’m taken aback. “*Friend*? But you’re more than that! Much more!”_

 

 

"I - would hope so. But - I also am your friend." I gesture helplessly. "Being a lover, even a fiancé, a husband, is great - and I plan to be the best one I could possibly be - but - a friend is someone who - just loves and accepts you for who you are, who enjoys being with you regardless of what you do, who supports you being whatever you want to be. I want to be your friend _as well_ as the much more."

 

 

_I look at you dubiously. “Like... Georgie was my friend as well as my little brother?”_

_I shrug helplessly. “Really I was more of a bossy mother hen than anything... if that’s what I’m like with a ‘friend’... heaven help you if you get sick or hurt...”_

 

 

“I’m already familiar with that, thank you,” I grin. “You start shoving soup at people...

Alright, next question-“ I hope it’s not a sad one - “what’s your most treasured memory?”

 

 

_"Yes, well. When soup is being shoved at you, maybe you should be a good patient and eat the damn soup."_

_I tousle your hair._

_"My most treasured memory... I don't have many memories I *treasure*, so it stands out rather clearly..."_

_I sigh._

_"Georgie and I went to an event put on by the local church. There was a picnic and games and prizes, and then at dusk they played a film on an outdoor screen. I didn't get on with the other kids, but Georgie was so happy, it made me feel happy to be there with him... watching him, playing with him. He won a stuffed elephant and he was so happy. It was small, but you should have seen his eyes light up. He made up a song and sang it to the elephant. It was so silly, and we just laughed our arses off. I think it was what childhood was supposed to be? But what do I know, I didn't really have that. But for that one day... we had lovely sandwiches and crisps... and we stuffed ourselves with biscuits and ice cream... and later with the film, they handed out popcorn. We threw it each other's mouths, and mostly missed. It was grand. The film was... The Dark Crystal. And Georgie was a bit frightened, but he had me to protect him. I put my arm around his shoulders, and we watched it, sitting in the grass. It was magic... being out in the evening... I wanted the day to never end... to never go home..."_

_I shrugged. "But it did. And we did. And life continued..."_

_I take your hand. "I didn't have another enchanting evening again... until you._

 

 

Oh god...

I’ve never had siblings, so I can’t relate to what it’s like to love someone like that, but you seem to have been really fond of him. I wonder what happened...

I will find out some time, but not now.

“I’m glad I make your evenings enchanting...” I smile.

“Mine, if we don’t count you, would be...”

... god... no idea. I can’t mention David, definitely.

“Hard to say... I don’t really have great childhood memories, though I didn’t have a bad one or anything, just - no lovely memories like the one you mentioned.

I think - wait, yes - I was... twelve, I think? And my grandmother took me to India, visiting places she’d lived. It was just her and me, my parents weren’t there, and it was lovely - she showed me all these interesting places, told me stories.

So one day we went to the beach, and it was very quiet, in the middle of nowhere, and we stayed there all day, her reading her book in the shade, me swimming, then lying in the sun, then reading, then swimming again. And - I don’t know why, I’d been on holiday before, I’d been at the sea before, but I just felt so - so at peace, and happy; I had my whole life ahead of me, I’d started rebelling against my father, I was developing my own - life and personality and I felt on top of the world on that abandoned beach in India. I guess the rest of my life was me trying to realize what that young boy dreamed he could be.

Does that make any sense?”

 

 

_I picture you at twelve, relaxed and happy in the sun, on your way to becoming the man you now are._

_"Of course, darling... having a sense of who you are, separate from your stupid, fucked up parents... having a moment of freedom, and seeing the pure potential of who you could be. It's how I felt with Georgie... sensing the life we could have. Before everything fell to pieces. Sounds like it was the same for you?" I sigh. "*Life*. Really kicks you in the teeth, doesn't it. But maybe... this is our second chance, Tiger?" I say hesitantly. Suddenly it's what I want, more than anything._

_I hold your hand against my face. "Everything we wanted that we couldn't have... maybe we can have it now... I never believed life could be good... that I could find some semblance of happiness... but you..." I lean in and kiss you. "You make me believe, Tiger."_

 

 

I feel fiercely happy - more than the superficial ecstasy of infatuation, the heady joy of the past days - this is a deep happiness that reaches into the dark recesses of my core, where I never believed the sun could shine again. And it’s not the sun which has reached it... it’s the silver moon reflected in a still lake, the stars over the desert, the scales of a snake sliding through the undergrowth at night - it’s the warmth and beauty of the dark filling me, melting the coldness, making me feel truly, deeply happy.

I pull you close, kiss your brow.

“I don’t know... we can never know. I certainly didn’t think I’d ever be happy - or would deserve to be happy. But you reach parts of me that I thought had died for good... and I’m wondering for the first time whether that boy on that beach may still get the life he felt he could reach.”

I look into your eyes. “Oh, look at us, creatures of the night, the vampire and the assassin; two soppy teenagers in love...

... and I fucking love it,” I grin, squeezing you against me.

I pick up my phone again. I’m not touching the next four questions - we’ll leave those for our anniversary.

Question 22 seems safe.

“Taking turns, share five things you regard as positive traits of your partner.”

 

 

_Your face and eyes have lit up at my words, and I'm in awe... you're gazing at me like I'm the most important thing under the sun. I *am*, aren't I... I want to hug myself. Two soppy teenagers in love is right..._

_"All right... One. Damn if you're not the sexiest thing I have ever met in my life. No wonder I had to have you... and keep you instead of feasting on you. Good call, Moriarty..._

 

_Two. You're also the sweetest thing I've ever met. You make me melt... and as I've already whinged about and will continue to do so... you've *ruined* me as a heartless monster. Thanks a bunch, Tiger._

 

_Three. You're so *funny* and *silly*, and you make me laugh. I was *never* looking for a man to call my own, but if I had been... believe me, I would *not* have included 'funny' on my list. My colossal oversight..._

 

_Four. I *would* have included submissive, which oh god, you are, you *are*... and it's so much better with you than with anyone else; it's *laughable* to think of what I was used to._

_Your surrender is *sublime*... you're mine, utterly mine, I *own* you... and you love it. That's the most amazing gift *ever*._

_But you can also turn around and be a sexy, aggressive fucker, and give me another kind of gift, and *oh*, I like that, too... very much._

 

_Five. Honestly this is impossible... how do I choose just five? (Ridiculous quiz, Sebastian...)_

_I can't not include this... You're a predator, like me. You hunt. You kill. And you *enjoy* it. I know this in my bones... one predator to another, like calls to like... I'm just upset I haven't seen it in action yet..." I make a sad face. "Perhaps an opportunity will come up on our honeymoon... wouldn't that be lovely? Otherwise, when we return home... I could accompany you on one of your hits? I'll stick to the shadows, I won't make a peep... pretty please, my darling..." I bat my eyelashes at you and grin. "And make it good and bloody... for me?"_

 

 

What bit about taking turns didn't you understand? But you're singing my praises so beautifully, I am _not_ going to interrupt.

Sexy... well, yes, thank you for noticing...

Sweet? Aw - only for you, babe...

Funny and silly? Ex _cuse_ me. I deny everything.

Submissive - oh god yes darling... _yours_... fuck...

Predator? You want to see me hunt? _make it good and bloody_? Well... you little bloodthirsty fiend. But I think I should be able to accommodate...

"Sure, darling. Send me after someone and I'll make them bleed. You don't even have to stick to the shadows - I've done hits with people there before, if they wanted to interrogate the mark first. I can bring someone in on a silver platter with an apple in their mouth ready for you to devour, if you like..."

I smile - am enjoying the opportunity to show off for you. It's not often that you meet someone who appreciates your skill in killing...

 

"As for you... pfooh..." I look you up and down. I guess I shouldn't just repeat everything you said back at you, but damn, you _are_ the sexiest person alive… or dead, whatever...

"I'll go with your intelligence first. I love how sharp your mind is, how astute your observations, the fact that you'd managed to single-handedly build a criminal empire by the time you were twenty-five... is quite amazing.

Second, well. You are the hottest thing on two legs. You're just - gorgeous and incredibly sexy. You'll never lack for willing prey... it must be hard being an ugly vampire... anyway. I only have to look at you to get carried away...

Third - well, I don't want to just ape everything you said, but your dominance - I've never met anyone who - with others it was always a game - a fun game, but not real. I could never _really_ submit to anyone, because I never respected anyone enough for it. With you... you are just... fuck, your eyes make my knees weak, my breath halt, and my entire body, my entire _being_ just want to surrender... and it's _so hot_ to belong to you...

Fourth - your strength? Call me shallow, but it's fucking hot to have a partner who is stronger than I am. And it's not just your physical strength - your personality, your force of character, are stronger than anything I've ever seen and it's... wow.

Fifth - ok, I am totally imitating you, but yeah. Your predatorial side. The way you stalk, identify, swoop down, and kill your prey with pinpoint accuracy.

Can you live with those?"

 

 

_I can feel my eyes glow at the prospect of you killing for me. Why did I not think of this before?? I can't wait to go on a killing date... whatever will I wear?_

_Visions of fetching ensembles are pushed aside temporarily as you start outlining my best qualities._

_God... this is like narcissist catnip. I should insist you do this daily._

_Oh... *purr*..._

_"Can I live with you thinking I'm a hot, dominant, powerful predator, who happens to be a genius...? I think I can, as long as it's not the only time you'll tell me."_

_I grab your beer bottle from you and finish it, then get up and to fetch us more. It's really not my drink, but we're out of champagne, and I'm not sure what else I want... highly unusual for me, but it's a highly unusual situation - getting smashed in Vegas on my stag night._

_Well, that's an exaggeration - I'm tipsy more than anything..._

_Strangely I seem more unsteady on the way back than when I first got up..._

_I fall into your lap and you catch me to keep me from falling onto the floor._

_"Thank you, my sexy, sweet, submissive predatory darling..." I exclaim. "Oh no! I forgot one... what was it?"_

 

_"Silly?" you say, amused._

 

_"That's right, Sebastian... you're very silly..." I inform you, and boop your nose, before giggling helplessly._

 

 

Oh god - you're getting drunk.

I have a drunk giggling lovestruck vampire on my lap.

I have no idea what to do in this situation, but your giggle is infectious, and makes me giggle too, which makes you laugh even more, and before we know it we're helplessly guffawing in each other's arms. I might be a bit tipsy too? I have hardly drunk anything... it must be the blood loss. It's pleasant though...

" _You_ are silly..." I giggle.

"Noooo," you protest. "That wasn't on your list. I am beautiful, dominant, strong, predatory, and a genius. See, I remember all!"

I lift you more or less upright and open our beers, hand one to you, clink our bottles.

"Cheers, my predatory genius. Next question?"

 

 

_"Cheers to your pretty face, m'dear," I say gallantly, trying desperately not to laugh. I throw my arms around your neck, and rest my face against yours. "What's the next question, then?"_

_As you scroll on your phone and tighten your arm around me, I kiss your cheek with a resounding smack, then give you a horrified look._

_"I have a secret to tell... Richard appears to be appallingly inebre- ineb - *drunk*..." I say in a shocked voice. "And a certain Tiger is barely tipsy, which reflects rather poorly on Richard! Shall we order you a lot of whiskey?"_

 

 

"Richard's not inebriated, he's in Vegas," I joke, making you fall over with giggles.

"We have whisky," I say, getting the bottle, pouring myself a generous measure and taking a big gulp. Whoa... nice...

 

The next questions are about family and your mother - no way.

The next question that looks safe is "Make three true 'we' statements each, for example: 'We are both in this room feeling..."

I look at you. "... feeling quite drunk and madly in love..."

 

 

_"I don't get it..." I blink at you. "Do I have to say 'we are both in this room feeling'?"_

_I hiccup and look at you, shocked. "Vampires can hiccup?" I say with wide eyes._

 

 

They shouldn't have put the harder questions at the end... I'm about to explain when you hiccup and look so comically puzzled at this that I can't help but jump you and kiss you all over your face. "How can you hiccup when you don't breathe? Did you forget not to breathe?" I murmur into your neck.

I realize I'm sitting on your lap - that feels so odd; I wouldn't ever sit on a smaller guy's lap - but you are so strong and why not?

"What the question meant," I try again, "is that you say something that applies to both of us. Like I did - we are both drunk, we love each other madly..."

 

 

_"Just because I don't need to breathe, doesn't mean I can't," I say loftily. "In fact, I do breathe sometimes... when things are getting sexy. I like how it feels..." I look at you through half-closed eyes, and lean up to kiss you, then hiccup again._

_"Fuck-" *hic* "Fuck's sake..."_

_I sigh heavily. "See? That's breathing," I mutter. "Alright... We are both impatient to be married?"_

_*hic*_

_"Fuck's sake!"_

 

 

You look _so cute_ when you're angry...

... I'm also pretty sure that those would be famous last words if uttered out loud...

"Yeah, about that..."

You look at me, I look away, my face downcast.

"I... think I've changed my mind. We shouldn't get married."

 

 

_I feel like my stomach has plummeted._

_What..._

_"But... *why*?" I demand, staring at you through a haze of anger and hurt. "*Why*??"_

 

 

I thought it would be a good idea to startle you and cure your hiccups, then have a laugh about it - but your face - oh god you look so hurt and upset - _Jim_ -

"Jim!!! I never! I wanted to - look, your hiccups are gone! That's all I wanted - a quick scare - of _course_ I want to marry you - how could you ever doubt -"

 

 

_I stare at you, perplexed. "Oh..." I shake my head drunkenly. "Jesus *Christ*, Sebastian... you'd better pray you never get the hiccups around me..." I say dubiously. Then I can't help but snigger at the look on your face. "Thank you for getting rid of my hiccups? Idiot Tiger..." I say fondly._

_I take your hand and stare at it. "I think... I'm afraid I can't have a happy ending..." I confess in a small voice. "So deep down, I guess I've been thinking something will stop us... even if it was you deciding marrying a vampire psychopath was a bad idea, after all... " I sigh again. "And the worst part is, you wouldn't even be wrong! I shouldn't have got angry, Tiger..." I say sadly. I kiss your hand, and hold it against my cheek. "If you change your mind before the ceremony, I'll respect that..."_

 

 

“Jim - no - oh sweetheart-“

I press your hand against my lips, look at your sad big eyes - how could you think -

“Jim... I’d never... look, I _promised_ you... I’m _yours_... I saw the vampire psychopath and fully consciously made the choice that _that_ is the man I love and whom I will marry... it was a joke, I thought you’d startle out of your hiccups and then laugh - I didn’t realize you were actually having those thoughts deep down...”

I stroke your temple.

“Yours, Jim, always... and anything that tries to stop us will have _me_ to contend with... I don’t think much of its chances...” I growl low in my throat, making you smile, thank god.

“We are indeed impatient to be married! Stupid bureaucracy having us wait for a licence even in Vegas! Stupid licence bureau not being open after midnight! But -“ I look at the clock next to the bed, “twenty-four hours from now, we will be Mr and Mr Moran... and I can’t wait to see you say I do...”

 

 

_Slightly soothed, I rest my head against your shoulder._

_"God... I'm like a fecking minefield...that you went frolicking though... and then decided to live in forever!" I shake my head again. "*We* are mental. That's two for me..."_

 

 

"And two for me - I said that twenty-four hours from now we will be Mr and Mr Moran... which fills me with joy and warm and fuzzy feelings. See what you've done? I'm the strong, silent loner type, and here I am all cuddly and giggly with my _crush_..." I crush you in my arms, making you giggle again.

"You're nowhere near drunk enough though - drink!" you exhort, filling up my whisky glass to the brim.

I take a goodly swig, but you are not satisfied - "Bottoms up Tiger!" and push the bottom of my glass. I swallow urgently, the smoky liquid burning down my throat, and you're not letting up until the glass is empty.

\- I felt that -

"Whoa Jim - that's not beer... and I've lost some blood..." I need to blink a couple of times to reduce you back to one Jim instead of three.

 

 

_"Oh, darling! I should order protein for you... otherwise, you're liable to pass out..." Pushing aside your protests, I nudge you off my lap and onto the bed. Then I try to stand and promptly fall in a heap._

_You lunge to try and catch me, but I'm already blinking up at you from the floor._

_"Not a word, or I'm ordering you soup," I warn, and haul myself to a wobbly standing position to snatch up the hotel phone._

_"Why hello, Room Service!" I say suavely as I lean against the bedside table. "I'm getting married tomorrow! And I need to order my fiancé a steak and a roast chicken and..." I cover the mouthpiece. "Tiger! Do you want sausages?"_

 

 

"NO! I don't want roast chicken either! Just steak will do. And chips. Fries!" I protest.

You order a steak and fries and hang up giggling. I don't know what's so funny, but I laugh as well, and the mirth only increases when I see you stumble back to the bed - _very_ unsteady on your feet. I'm glad when you land safely in my arms.

"We are both uncharacteristically giggly tonight... that's three from me..." I laugh.

 

 

_"Erm... we are both hotter than hell..." I announce grandly. "I mean... look at us! Just *look*," I say emphatically, with a comically wide-eyed expression._

_"Mr Sex," I say, pointing at myself. "Mr Sex," I purr, tapping your nose._

_"Are we agreed?"_

 

 

"Mr and Mr Sex are in total agreement," I concede. I reach for my beer and take a big gulp. "Though I have the feeling Mr Sex is getting a bit the worse for wear... and I believe I promised you a stripper, didn't I?"

 


	16. Flesh

Bite into me harder  
Sink your teeth into my  
Flesh

 

 

_My lips part, and a squeak escapes me. "Why yes, Sebastian..." My voice deepens. "So you did..."_

_I lean against the headboard, and cross one leg over the other._

_"Oh, you *did*..." I say, my voice rumbling with pleasure._

_I take a sip of my beer, and eye you with hunger._

_"So Mr Sex... everyone says to see a show in Vegas... am I going to see a show?"_

 

 

"Ah, you know what it's like in Vegas... it's all a bit naff and touristy... if you want a _good_ show, you book a private one... and I know this one agency, if you're lucky... and rich... and very handsome... they'll come to your room, give you a private show... with a happy ending, if you know what I mean..."

I'm not sure if I'm capable of any happy endings still - or even stripping - but I'll give it a good old English try.

"Let me change into something a bit more... appropriate... why don't you go into the living room and have a nice beer?"

I usher you out of the room and look at my clothes. What to choose... not my wedding suit, obviously.

Just as I'm undressed, there's a knock on the door. What the -

oh shit, you ordered room service...

I hear you talk to the guy and yell across the living room, "Tiger! Steak!"

I throw on a dressing gown and walk into the living room. Food first. Probably a good idea.

 

 

_I'm ushering the hotel employee man into our suite, being drunkenly charming, and oh, I wish he was room service for *me*, but I've had my blood today, and some of yours besides, so I shouldn't be reckless. Right? Mm. I'm staring at the man's throat but then I'm distracted by you sauntering into the living room in a dressing gown and *what's underneath, Tiger*?_

_"Get out," I tell the man, smiling, and he looks at me in surprise. I'll make sure he'll get a good tip, and he'll get to live, if he leaves in 3 - 2 -._

_I'm almost disappointed, but then we're alone, and I'm shoving you onto the sofa, and straddling you... yanking the dressing gown down around your shoulders, and kissing your neck._

_"Oh... right... you should eat something," I murmur, sucking your earlobe. "Darling... are you *sure* you don't want a lovely chicken?"_

 

 

'Tiger, steak', but then the moment I walk into the suite I'm jumped and undressed and your mouth is in my neck - hold on sweetheart - I don't think you should drink any more -

But then you remember the food and pull back. I notice your fangs aren't out, so you were just kissing. Good, I guess - it's hard to assess when you're about to drink my blood, I realize with a grim smile. I mean, I'm _yours_ \- but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you do stuff when you're drunk that you'd regret when sober.

I shove the dressing gown more or less back in place and attack the steak. Rare, as I like it - I offer you a bite and you take it.

"Does cow's blood taste good to you?"

 

 

_”All blood tastes good to me," I say, dabbing my lips with a cloth napkin fastidiously. "Blood is *life*, darling! But human blood is by far the most delicious... so let's get yours replenished..." I smile at you coyly. "How do you like your steak, Tiger?"_

 

 

"I like my steak like I like my men, rare, juicy, and dead," I joke, and wince.

Will you _stop_ making inappropriate jokes, Sebastian?!

 

 

_I tilt my head and look at you. "Darling... *undead*... try to keep up, won't you?"_

_I cross my eyes at you. It's my stag night, and I don't want to get huffy any more... especially when a strip show is in my future._

 

 

Thank god, you're taking it lightly - enough with the black humour, soldier.

"It tastes delicious, my dumpling," I say. ( _dumpling!?_ ) I offer you another bite, then a chip or two - I don't know what it's like for vampires, but humans can handle their drink better after a solid meal.

 

 

_I'm rather enjoying having some food in my life... I never cared much for eating as a human, and pretty much forgot about it as a vampire... eating with you is a pleasure._

_You hold out another chip to me. I grab your hand and eat the chip out of it with a slight nip of your palm. Mm. Sebastian and chips..._

_I chew with pleasure and grin at you._

 

 

"Oi!" I look at my palm, see teeth marks, one of which is bleeding. "Watch out, little vampire, or you’ll have nothing left to marry tomorrow."

I hold a chip carefully between fingertips, as if feeding a dangerous dog, dangle it above you.

 

 

_Oh, sweetheart... I give you a *look*, jump up with just a hint of vampire speed, and eat the chip without touching you. Then I grab your hand and nip it again... and fall against you, laughing. “Silly Sebastian...” I sigh, licking my lips. “Tasty Sebastian...”_

 

 

"Right. I'm reconsidering the advisability of getting vampires drunk. They get bitey."

I smile, but there's a voice at the back of my mind telling me 'See? That's what you get when you don't use your common sense... here you are with a predator who's faster and stronger than you and who thinks your blood is the tastiest thing in the world, and he is getting _drunk_... What if he makes a mistake? Goes for a playful nip but ends up tearing your jugular out by accident?'

I'm not sure, but I think it is my mum.

 

 

_I look up at you, giggling - but stop when I see the worried look on your face. “What’s wrong, my darling?” I ask, grasping your hand. I look down and see two small, bleeding puncture wounds._

_“Oh... because of this?” I guess. “You’re worried I’ll go too far...” I kiss your hand gently. “Never,” I whisper. “But I’ll stop being like a bitey kitten, if it’s worrying you...”_

 

 

"It's not worrying me -"

\- it's worrying my mum, I want to say, but that's ridiculous, it's my very own reasoning that I've just given my mum's voice.

"I trust you. I _do_. But - I've never seen you drunk, and I assume you have never been drunk with someone you wanted to drink but couldn't before, and it was just - I don't know, I wouldn't go scrapping with someone weaker when I'm drunk either, just because I wouldn't want to risk accidentally hurting them. I was just -

I don't know."

I feel bad now. Like I am saying I don't trust you. I do. I just - it's my self-preservation kicking in very belatedly, I guess.

 

 

_My brow furrows. “Sebastian... if I can control myself while I’m drinking your blood, which I can... I can definitely do so while I’m drinking. I was honestly just being playful, but - enough biting.” I kiss your hand repeatedly. “See? Not tempted.” I look at you with concern. Don’t you believe me?_

 

 

"OK. Sorry. No, truly I am - I should trust you, including when you're drunk. I don't know where that came from - I don't usually have bouts of self-protectiveness." I kiss you, then cut off another bit of steak and give it to you, finish off the meal, have a sip of beer.

"That was good... I needed that." I pat my stomach. "Give me a few minutes to let it settle, and you'll have your stripper - slightly less likely to fall over, and more well-fed."

 

 

_I regard you while sipping my beer. 'I *should* trust you', you said... Not 'I trust you'. It doesn't make sense to feel injured by that... given everything that's happened since we met! And you don't know *everything* about me, such as how well I can control myself when drunk. I suppose I was giving over to the predator side of me a bit... but I would have pulled back if I needed to. Wouldn't I have?_

_Fuck. Uneasily I put aside my beer. Maybe I should hold back from drinking any more. After all, you're going to be stripping for me in a few minutes..._

_But I wouldn't... I know I wouldn't! Not with you!_

_"Sebastian..." I say carefully. "I understand you feel the need to be self-protective around a vampire you don't know very well... But... you're in no additional danger just because I'm drunk. I've eaten today. I'm fine, I promise you..."_

 

 

"Jim-"

Oh fuck now you've put your beer away - way to spoil the evening, Moran.

"Jim, I'm sorry. I don't - I do trust you. I just have - these bouts of - it's silly - it's like my mum's voice in my head, berating me for living dangerously. She'd do it in the army as well. And she's never right - I have a really good sense for acute danger, and I know to trust _that_. It's often not even consciously. But there's this nagging voice in my head sometimes that insists that I'm needlessly putting myself in danger all the time and I should just get a nice desk job and a nice spouse and a dog and a few kids and I don't know how she does it. It's probably hypnosis or something," I sigh.

"Anyway, it was that voice that was responsible for me asking you to marry me as well - it was nagging that I didn't know you, and we were rushing things, and I didn't know I could trust you, bla bla - which led to me getting so annoyed and indignant with it that I suggested we get married in response. So it's not all bad..."

"Look. You know what you're like when you're drunk. I was just - thinking it's not a situation you will ever have found yourself in, and I was trying to be prudent. Which is _not_ my forte. Sorry."

 

 

_‘A nice spouse and a dog and a few kids...’_

_A dark ripple moves through me._

_Nice spouse?? Too late, they can't *have* him. He's *mine*... *Mine*! I inform an imagined bland-looking man and then woman, picturing their mouths falling open in horror. Then they both burst into flames and die screaming._

_What are you saying now?_

_I quickly play back what you had said, and get caught up to speed. Safety, prudence, bla. Boring._

_Be nice, Jimmy..._

_"That voice of yours sounds devastatingly dull...You did right to ignore it. Are there any questions left in the quiz?" I ask politely._

 

 

You are being polite and I don't like it. Still. Maybe best to distract you.

"Eh... I left my phone in the bedroom. Let me get it."

I walk back, my robe dangling loose, come back with my phone.

"Complete this sentence: I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

 

 

_*A lifetime*. It pops into my mind, unbidden._

_"Darling, I can't answer that... I already have someone. And I can share everything I want with them. It's you, Sebastian," I confide, playfully._

_Then I walk up to you, and kiss you deeply._

 

 

You seem to have recovered from my faux pas... but it does strike me that it's awfully easy to make a faux pas with you. You didn't get mad this time - but you felt bad, and that is much worse.

You're very sensitive for someone who's practically invincible... But then you did say that you'd never been in love before - no wonder that you'd be uncertain about how it works. And you definitely are the type to get angry if things don't go the way you want - but - being in sole charge of a criminal empire, then being a lone hunter - nothing really there to prepare you for a _relationship_ , is there? Should I explain to you that it's give and take, and that your partner disagreeing with you doesn't mean they are abandoning you?

Maybe not quite this instant... maybe when we're both sober and in a pleasant mood...

"I wish I had someone with whom I could share... my bed," I smile. "And I do, now. I never ever used to sleep in anyone's bed - way too volatile for it, I might end up punching them in the middle of the night, or putting a gun against their head - also, I don't like being unconscious with others there. I didn't really have a choice the first time with you," I grin, "but now I do, and I absolutely love it. I never sleep as easy and as comfortable as with you in my arms."

 

 

_You seem pensive and concerned for a moment, and it feels like my heart flips in my chest. Will I ever get used to these *feelings* that spilled out when love cracked open my chest? I don't know... but I feel quite helpless - against first, love which has housed itself in me (and I have no regrets about this), and then, feelings which knock me to and fro at an alarming rate. And perhaps my feelings are affecting you, too... I'm just trying to hold on and not be completely swept away by them, so I'm not sure how to navigate them any better. It's like learning to surf, I imagine... learning to be carried by the waves instead of capsizing and choking on them. But for an Irishman, a genius, a psychopath, and a vampire, it doesn't exactly come easily..._

_Anyway, you stop thinking, which thankfully stops me from thinking. And you say very sweet things, and I rest against your chest, feeling myself be cradled in your strong arms, and wanting to curl up with you forever._

_"I love you..." I murmur. "And I love sleeping in your arms too, Sebastian..."_

 

 

You're snuggling closer, which is unbearably cute. It's hard to remember that you're a dangerous killer when you look like this - snuggly and small and so incredibly adorable that I have to restrain myself from squeezing you and covering you in kisses.

"God I love you..." I whisper, and then you look up at me, and yes, those eyes, those are the ones that remind me that you're a savage predator. They always, even when you're sweet and loving like this, have that _shine_ in them... that tells me you could rip my throat out in a second, you're just not going to for now.

I lift my phone. 27 and 28 aren't really relevant -

"Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life."

 

 

_You telling me you love me... that heated look in your eye, that impassioned voice... makes everything better, always._

_An embarrassing moment. I don't have those, because I didn't feel bad or self-conscious about anything. Maybe from childhood?_

_"I had a cousin. Cillian. Liked to torment me, call me a fag. When I turned 10, he gave me a dress for my birthday, in front of my Da's side of the family. Mam was furious, and after that we stopped attending their family events. I didn't care so much about the stupid gift - Cillian was an eejit. But Mam making a big deal of it - I liked that she stood up for me, but at the same time it kind of made it feel worse. I just wanted to ignore it." I shrug. "T'was a long time ago. I'd totally forgotten. I should really pay a visit to cousin Cillian one day..." I smile at you with my fangs down. "I'm sure he'd be thrilled to see me."_

 

 

"I'd like to meet him as well..." I growl. How dare that lowlife hurt you...

Maybe I should make a list, like Arya Stark. Everyone who's ever hurt Jim Moriarty, please form an orderly queue... vampires to the right, please, they may require some extra efforts.

"For me..." I think for a moment, then chuckle. "Oh, this is a good one. Please bear in mind this was a long time ago, OK? You weren't even legal then. Anyway - it was after my first year in Oxford, and a friend had invited me over for the first week of the holidays, since there was no way I was going to go back to the Moran Manor now I was of age. I was going to do a summer job which started the week after, so this week was for us to unwind after the exams, booze, and ride his dad's horses through the expansive woods on the estate. Anyway, the friend had some ideas about other fun activities we could do during this week, but he was a bit shy, as he'd never been with a guy before; so it took a long afternoon of beating around the bush and making allusions to finally get to the point where we fumblingly had sex. He liked it - and was quite vocal about it.

So when we'd finished, and were lying on the bed, we heard his mum's voice from _right underneath his window_ : 'If you are done, dinner is in twenty minutes." His room was overlooking the patio, and the window was open because it was warm... turns out his mum had been sitting there reading for god knows how long..."

 

 

_Why the fuck are you telling me a story about having sex with someone else?? Jesus... Yeah, it was a long time ago, yeah, I wasn't legal, I *don't care*. Why is everyone who's not me *such an eejit*? Even regular geniuses... they have their areas of expertise, and then everything else about them is devastatingly dull. I had taken a passing interest in the Holmes brothers, but then everything went awry after vamping out. Maybe I should re-add them to my list - people of interest. And if they disappoint me, I'll have them for brunch._

_You're looking at me, waiting for a response._

_'Not exactly on par with receiving a dress for your tenth birthday, is it!' Nope - not that one._

_'Give me his name, Sebastian...'? Definitely not..._

_I sigh. "Dreadful. What was his name, out of curiosity?" I huff out a laugh. "I'm *joking*, darling. See how calm and reasonable I am around you? Look at me, growing as a person..." I look at you, feeling pleased with my very reasonable response._

 

 

Oh god Jim - _really!?_

Don't say you didn't expect this, Moran... you know mentioning any past lover sets him off, regardless of whether he was fucking _born_ or not...

god, what do you _want!?_ A blushing virgin?

Yeah yeah I know, don't ask, don't tell... Right.

Praise him for his _reasonable_ behaviour?

He can fuck off...

No, no, Seb, it's psychology... reward good behaviour...

It's rewarding _perfectly normal_ behaviour is what it is.

Sebastian - this is Jim. Insanely jealous possessive psycho vampire. He's _trying_.

Yeah, OK. That's sweet.

"You're doing great, sweetheart..." I smile.

Well, he _is_. It's not like he's used to being with people. He's really doing his best, for _me_.

I stroke your hair, lift my phone.

"When did you last cry in front of another person? Well, we both know that... but - when did you last cry by yourself?"

 

 

_You seem to be struggling for a response, yourself... Are you not impressed with my stellar emotional restraint??_

_Honestly, I don't know why I bother, I think, feeling sulky._

_But then you smile at me, and I'm staring into your blue eyes, and I remember why -_

_Sebastian._

_You stroke my hair, and I preen._

_When did I Iast *cry*? Ugh._

_*Ugh*._

_"When - I was twelve. Before everything went to hell. I could deal with my own pain - I couldn't handle Georgie's."_

_I shook my head, haunted. "Tears couldn't save him, though..."_

 

 

" _Really!?_ Not since then? But - then how did you know about vampire tears -"

God, Sebastian! Shut your big fucking mouth before you stick your foot in any further!

 

 

_"Oh... I was in character, while on the hunt. Being a sad, sensitive man in tears, so this nice lady would comfort me. Only - bloody tears didn't make her want to comfort me, so much as run for a cab. I was so confused, until I went to splash some cold water on my face... which was rather a bloody mess. I had really laid the tears on thick, too. Last time I used that trick..."_

 

 

I can't help but chuckle at that. "Poor lady - she must have thought you had some horrible disease - you're lucky she didn't call an ambulance..."

I think back. "For me it was..."

Yeah.

"... when I'd walked away. And I was alone in my apartment. I'd just - yeah, I did think I was like fucking Bella Swan after Edward had left. Just empty and sad and hollow. And I got angry at myself, but - I did cry."

I pull you closer.

The memory of those days - so cold - and the fear that I'd never see you again... that I'd ruined it forever...

 

 

_The memory seems to haunt you and I kiss you gently. “There, there, my Bella... We never need to go through that again. I promise, Tiger...” I sigh and rest against you, happily listening to you breathe._

 

 

"Thanks, my Edward," I grin wryly.

"Say - if we get a house, we can get a dog, and call it Jacob..."

You giggle and go 'ewww' and well, can't argue with that. I do like dogs though - wonder if you can be persuaded to get a house with a biggish garden so we can have a dog... "Do you like dogs? Or other animals? This is not one of the questions, I was just wondering... bats?"

 

 

_Edward? *Pah*. I am no Edward..._

_"Dogs?? Silly, smelly beasts," I say cheerfully. "I do like *cats*... they're cunning, predatory, fastidious, and beautiful. What's not to love?"_

 

 

"Of _course_ you like cats... What was it Andrew O'Neill said? Cats are the goths of the animal world... aloof... mysterious... up their own arse... whereas metalheads are dogs - _oooooooh, isthereagig? canwecome? willtherebebeer?_ "

I don't mind cats, they're just - you can't do much with them. A dog you can train, run with... oh well.

31 we've done - 32: "What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?"

 

 

_I snicker at your depiction of dogs and cats._

_The next question is sobering._

_"Well put, Tiger... You realize a tiger is just a big scary kitty, don't you? What's too serious to be joked about. Oh, my... the wounds of childhood, obviously..." I consider ending it there, but... being with me must feel like tiptoeing through a field of landmines, sometimes. Best to provide you with a map, I suppose?_

_"Do you have a paper and pen?" I sigh. "My mental state, especially when things are getting volatile. Being turned against my will. Anything that could make me jealous. Mistakes..." I mutter. God, I'm starting to feel twitchy..._

_"Anything that could be seen as a weakness or flaw..." I grit my teeth - Fuck. Even saying that made me testy. "And it's best I stop there!" I pour some beer down my throat and choke slightly. "How about you, darling?" I say, coughing._

 

 

Childhood, mental state, involuntary vampirism, jealousy-inducing items (i.e. all previous or potential lovers), mistakes, things that _could be seen as_ weaknesses or flaws...

Good grief.

Just never make a joke, ever, ok Seb?

Can I laugh at you coughing after taking a sip of beer, or could that be construed as something that could be seen as a weakness?

 _We do not laugh_ at Jim’s list of things not to laugh at. He’s opening up and we are grateful of that, I tell myself sternly.

“For me, no. I think you probably have guessed by now that I’ve got quite a black sense of humour. Most soldiers do - it’s how we don’t go insane. Most doctors and nurses as well, I’ve found. It’s just hard to take people very seriously when you’ve seen their spleen...”

I cuddle you close, have another sip of beer.

“Just a few more questions, and then it’s time for this evening’s entertainment... I have to warn you though, it’s a bit of a damaged specimen, and I am afraid he might have come into work drunk, but it’s the best we could do at short notice.”

I raise my phone again.

“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?”

 

 

_My images of a stripping Sebastian dissipate at the next question._

_"I suppose... that I didn't tell you about my past," I say quietly. "What happened to me. What happened to Mam and Georgie. Why I am the way I am... you *should* know it, Sebastian. I want you to know..." I say with surprise. "But I promise you, you don't want to hear it on our stag night... it would set a *tone* that would be difficult to shift. Another time. Another environment. Tonight is for us...starting our life together."_

_I take your hand and stare at it. "What would you regret not saying?" I say softly._

 

 

"Sweetheart! I didn't - I'm sorry, I didn't think this question would raise - something like that -"

I kiss the back of your hand. "My sweet Jim... don't worry about it... please. I do want to hear your story, want to know everything about you... but whenever you feel ready."

Damn it. This game is a minefield...

"Me... pooh..." I look up at the ceiling, thinking. I would regret not having told you how much I love you a thousand times more, but that is not what is meant...

"I think - my dad. I'd regret just having cut him off, rather than telling him what a disgusting, wretched snake he is - no, that's not fair to snakes.

I think - I don't know. It was easier just not to see him, not to talk with him, I guess. I just - never got round to going over, because the thought just - made me furious. But it's - on the list, if you will. One day I will let him know how much I despise him. If I were to die tonight, I'd regret not having bitten that bullet."

 

 

_"Mmm... I can see how that would be an excellent thing to accomplish! I'd be happy to accompany you if you'd like the extra ammunition of introducing your husband the Irish homosexual criminal. We can leave 'vampire' out of it, I think that's plenty for the old boy to sputter about. As soon as you're ready to set up a visit, just let me know so I can start planning my ensemble..."_

_I grin at you fiercely. "I'm rather enjoying the idea, to be honest! Let's just say you're not the only one with *daddy issues*, darling..."_

 

 

Yeah... I kind of assumed that your dad wasn't a saint... I wonder if he had anything to do with your mum's death. Anyway. Not asking now.

Also not pursuing the track of introducing you to my dad, funny though the thought is... thinking about my dad always pisses me off and we're having a fucking fun evening.

"Right, next question - Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?"

 

 

_"We don't have pets. Should we have a pet?" I muse. "Any one item... well, I'm already wearing your ring, so I don't have to choose that. I rather like the memento I kept from my maker... I tore out his fangs, and have them in a velvet box. I thought it would be fun to present them to *his* maker one day... the head of the cabal. Erzsébet she calls herself, after Countess Bathory. Well, the humble Blood Countess has a lot more coming to her than fangs in a box... but my revenge scenario would be *so disappointing* without it. So that's what I would save." I smile at you brightly._

_"And you, Tiger?"_

 

 

"My AWM," I say without hesitation. "My rifle," I explain for the civilian.

"I know what an AWM is, Tiger..." you grin. OK. Modern vampires are all au fait with weaponry, apparently. Then - you did use to be a crime lord. You would know a thing or two about rifles.

 

 

_"So our prized possessions are a trophy from a kill, and a military-grade weapon... we are so well matched, my darling..." I beam at you, and kiss your lips. "Now. Speaking of weapons, I should very much like to see a particular one I'm rather fond of... are there many questions left?"_

 

 

I laugh at that.

Question 35 deals with death of a family member, no way.

“Last one: Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.”

 

 

_I'm not used to sharing problems. That would make me look weak, wouldn't it?_

_No, it's what partners do, Jimmy..._

_*Weak* partners..._

_Fuck's sake. Just... *answer the bloody question*._

_"I'm... still having a hard time with my emotions. It's like they were neatly locked away good and tight until I became a vampire, and then they came to the surface and knocked me on my arse. And then when I was already messed up, I met you - and the container holding those emotions smashed for good. And now I'm constantly being knocked on my arse by *feelings... I really don't know how to manage them, Tiger... I feel like I'm always getting it wrong somehow, and then feeling guilty... it's *exhausting*, and I feel *terrible* at relationships - I don't know if it's because I'm a psychopath or a vampire, or both!" I burst out, and bury my face in your chest. "If you were a hypersensitive, emotional vampire in love..." I say in a muffled, mournful voice. "...what would *you* do?"_

 

 

I do not chuckle. I do _not_ chuckle. This is definitely part of one or more of the categories of stuff that can't be joked about.

"That's a bit of a hard question, my sweet hypersensitive emotional vampire in love..." I kiss the top of your head, so madly in love I think I may start crying, or screaming, or both. I think we can say that the game has fulfilled its purpose.

"I think... I would ask my partner to be understanding about the difficulties I'm facing, and I'd ask him to tell me when I get it wrong, so I don't have to worry about getting it wrong without knowing. And your partner should keep telling you how much he loves being with you, so that you start to feel more comfortable in the relationship.

As to how you seem to be feeling about it... so incredibly adorably lost, and I wish you could look into my heart for just a second, so that you could see how incredibly in love with you I am..."

 

 

_Nestled in your arms, breathing in your scent, I listen. And listen. And listen. Hearing your words, really letting myself absorb them._

_Letting myself feel immersed in your love, and *safe* to be._

_I'm *not* going to be intentionally hurt, I'm not going to be *abandoned*..._

_"Alright, then..." I say quietly. "Sebastian - please tell me when I'm getting it wrong. I don't have a fully functioning navigation system when it comes to feelings and love, at least - not a healthy one. More of a reactive, defensive one designed by an agent of chaos - my GPS would cause massive accidents on the road... spectacular cock-ups in a military operation... and spacecraft smashing into satellites..."_

_I sigh and rest my cheek against your chest, looking up at you. I smile faintly. "Just my luck to meet someone who knows that about me and loves me anyway... I'm becoming a little less lost, I think - since we started this silly quiz. I *can* see into your heart... and I love you madly, my sweet Tiger..."_

 

 

I am going to send the author of this quiz a massive cheque. If it helped make you feel less lost - that's pure magic, right there. Thank you, eh - I glance at my phone - Arthur Aron.

"My Jim... my silly, sweet, psycho vampire... I love you madly, too." I kiss your forehead.

I guess I should reciprocate. Damn. I can't think of anything - all I can think of is me growing old when you don't, which will put a damper on the evening - David, which will definitely ruin the evening - eh. damn -

"My problem is... I want to do a striptease for this really hot guy. I kind of promised. But - I really really fancy this guy, so I want to make sure I don't mess it up, and the problem is - he's given me like a half-pint of whisky, after I'd lost some blood - so I'm really afraid I'll trip over my pants and fall into the coffee table, and then he'll be turned off, or laugh, or afraid I've hurt myself - so what do you think I should do?"

 

 

_I watch you thinking for a while before you speak. And when you do, it's not your real answer. But I don't press, because a) it's already been an intense evening with everything we've talked about... b) it's our stag night and we're supposed to be having fun... c) Sebastian. Striptease. Now._

 

_I pretend to think seriously. My brow furrows. I stroke my chin. I hum as I over-act thinking long and hard._

_"I shouldn't worry about a striptease debacle... You had some delicious protein to replenish your delicious blood. And you strike me as the sort of man who can be drunk and do anything well, which is an admirable quality. So I see that you're feeling daunted about performing well for your fiancé... but I think the only way to get over your feelings is to just do it. *Now*, darling." I grin._

_"Quiz over..." I whisper, and kiss you deeply._

 

 

That's an order if ever I heard one...

I get up. It's not too bad...

I head to the bathroom, get rid of some beer, have a quick wash of my face in some cold water, drink a glass. That's better. Right. Time to be a rockstar, Sebastian...

I look through my gear. Should have brought my leather trousers... thought it would be too hot. I would be...

Jeans, then. Tight black t-shirt... leather jacket... boots would look good but they're impossible to toe off, so my nice shoes... sunglasses? Why not.

Right. Showtime...

I connect my phone to the room's Bluetooth. A repetitive beat comes out of the speakers, and I stride in.

 

_This is not the way into my heart_

_Into my head_

_Into my brain_

_Into none of the above_

 

 

_I watch as you get up, somewhat unsteadily. Oh dear... I do hope I didn't overestimate you to be a functional drunk. Because then I'll just have to insist you try again tomorrow until you get it right._

_You excuse yourself and head to the bathroom. And then I fidget as I wait. How long has it been? A minute? I get up, grab my phone, start to look at e-mails, and then throw my phone down. *Two minutes*? What are you *doing* in there?_

_I pick up my phone again, and sigh loudly. A couple of minutes later, I hear music playing..._

_steamy, seductive music..._

_here we go..._

 

 

_This is just my way of unleashing_

_The feelings deep inside of me_

_This spark of black that I seem to love_

 

I stride towards you purposefully, whip off my sunglasses, throw them onto a chair, look at you. You’re beaming. Good.

 

_We can get a little crazy just for fun_

_Just for fun_

_Don't even try to hold it back_

_Just let go_

 

I shrug my jacket off my shoulders, turn around, move my hips as I slowly push it down over my back.

 

_Tie me up and take me over_

_Till you're done_

_Till I'm done_

_You've got me fiendin_

_And I’m ready to blow_

 

I turn back to you, drop the jacket, strut over to where you’re sitting.

As the chorus starts, I fall to my knees in front of you, move my body sinuously in and out of your reach.

 

_Push up to my body_

_Sink your teeth into my_

_Flesh_

_(Get undressed_

_Ta- taste the flesh)_

_Bite into me harder_

_Sink your teeth into my_

_Flesh_

_(Pass the test_

_Ta - taste the flesh)_

_Hold me up against the wall_

_Give it till I beg_

_Give me some more_

_Make me bleed I like it R▲_

_Like it R▲ R▲ R▲_

_Push up to my body_

_Sink your teeth into my_

_Flesh_

 

I end up with my body leaning back, jump upright again, start moving my t-shirt up.

 

 

_Oh! Starting with a bang!_

_I have to stop myself from bouncing in my chair, but this was *such* a good idea, darling... you must always be stripping. Always!_

_I'm clearly still rather drunk._

_Stag night!_

_The first article of clothing is removed..._

_God - you in a tight t-shirt is perfection... now take it off._

_Oh! Down on your knees, and look at how you *move*..._

_Maybe I don't need a bodyguard... maybe I need a personal slave to dance for me and look beautiful, who I can whip and fuck... Mmm._

_Did you choose a song that refers to sinking teeth into your flesh? Holding you against a wall? Making you beg and bleed?_

_Oh. Darling._

_My lips part._

_Jimmy, you will not bite Sebastian as he's dancing. You will sit here like a well-behaved vampire and just - oh._

_T-shirt._

_Chest._

_Flesh. Muscles. Tiger._

_I lick my lips. Fuck..._

 

 

I can see your fangs growing as you smile at me delightedly. Well, I can’t say I didn’t aim for that effect... I’m not sure if you should drink from me again already, but I feel fine, so we’ll see when I finish. First concentrate on your performance, Sebastian...

I pull up my shirt over my head, drop it to the floor.

 

_Hold my hands above my head_

_And push my face into the bed_

_Cause I'm a screamer baby_

_Make me a mute_

 

I turn back to face you, slide my hands down my neck.

 

_You put your hand upon my neck and feel the pulse_

_Beat beat beat beat_

_It's like a trigger_

_Get me ready to shoot_

 

I don’t think I've ever heard a more appropriate song...

 

 

_Oh bloody hell, you're so unbelievably hot... I can't tear my eyes from your *chest* and *arms*..._

_I knew you were a magnificent specimen of manhood when I first saw you in the club... I had no idea when I took you home that I would get to have you over and over again... that this body would be *mine* to do with as I like._

_God, making you scream with pleasure sounds like something needs to be done soon..._

_are you ready? Well why else would you be teasing me like this, with your sexy dancing, this song, your hands on your neck... god... you're a vampire's wet dream._

_My fangs are out. I need to stay the fuck down..._

_Until your dance is done and your clothes are off, and then I can't guarantee anything but my teeth in your neck, my sweet._

 

 

I toe off my shoes, start undoing my trousers, swaying my hips, moving my hand over my cock as I undo the zip.

 

_Wanna wrestle with me baby_

_Here's a sneak_

_Little peek_

_You can dominate the game_

_Cause I'm tough_

_I don't play around that often_

_When I do_

_I'm a freak_

_So you'd better believe_

_I like it rough_

 

As the chorus starts I drop to my knees in front of you again, now shirtless. You are looking suitably famished as you stare at me mouthing the words.

 

At the end, I jump up again, start moving down my trousers.

 

_Hold me down_

_And make me scream_

_Lay me on the floor_

_Turn me on_

_And take me out_

_Make me beg for more_

 

My trousers are off, and I'm just wearing tight black briefs. The next run of the chorus I stay up, dance for you, lasciviously, touching myself. The next run, I divest myself of my briefs. And for the final chorus, I'm on my knees in front of you again, swaying so close to you, whispering along with the words.

 

_Push up to my body_

_Sink your teeth into my_

_Flesh_

_(Get undressed_

_Ta- taste the flesh)_

_Bite into me harder_

_Sink your teeth into my_

_Flesh_

_(Pass the test_

_Ta - taste the flesh)_

_Hold me up against the wall_

_Give it till I beg_

_Give me some more_

_Make me bleed I like it R▲_

_Like it R▲ R▲ R▲_

_Push up to my body_

_Sink your teeth into my_

_Flesh_

 

As the song ends, I am on my knees in front of you, very close to you, looking into your eyes, slightly panting.

 

 

_I *own* this beautiful majestic being..._

_he's *mine*..._

_and thank god, because otherwise I would have had to drain him to ensure no one else could have him._

_I can feel my eyes gleaming as you mouth the words at me... oh. Sebastian. You mean every word, don't you... and I'll give you everything you want, never fear..._

_Your trousers are the next to go... has anyone ever looked this good in briefs, present company excluded?_

_My mouth opens as I watch you touch yourself._

_Oh god... but - your pants are still on..._

_Your pants are still on, Sebastian!_

_Slowly you peel out of them, and my eyes widen. I've seen your cock so many times now, but there's something about it being withheld from me and then *presented* so artfully..._

_We're so fortunate we fell in love before you put on a show like this, my darling... you wouldn't have made it to the end of the song._

_But you do make it, and we're left staring at each other in rapture._

_I find myself straining towards you. Can I swoop down on you? Or are you doing anything else?_

_I lick my lips and slide off the sofa._

_"My Sebastian..." I purr, extending a hand and pulling you up. "That was... magnificent."_

_The song still echoing in my head, I pull you into a hungry kiss._

 

 

My lord... my magnificent vampire... my Jim...

Your eyes bore into mine as I sit in front of you, naked, on my knees, ready for whatever you want from me - I am so in fucking awe of you; I do want - everything the song said - sink your teeth into my flesh, again, please - it's - it's mad, but it's the hottest thing I've ever experienced...

Fuck, I may not be in danger from you - but from myself - you've shown that you can restrain yourself from biting me, but can I keep myself from begging you to bite!?

But then your lips are on mine, and I can't think of anything else but you - your lips, your hands, your tongue, your fangs...

 


	17. Somebody to Love

Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love

 

 

_"Onto the bed, my beautiful Tiger..." I growl. "On your knees, facing the headboard."_

_You stare at me longingly, hungrily, and I stroke your jaw. "You'll have everything you asked for. Now do as I say, my love."_

_You follow my instructions, and I stare at your beautiful back, your gorgeous, muscled arse._

_"No. Turn around and lie down..." My voice drops into a low rumble. "I want to see your face... mmm, and your beautiful cock..."_

_You do, and I stalk towards you. "That's it, darling..." I sing in a breathy voice. "I want to see *everything*..._

_I crawl over you, and lift your hands to the bedposts then cuff you, arms spread out._

_I scan you from your feet to your face, already looking so enraptured. "I love how you danced for me, my darling... how you showed me this beautiful body that's *all mine*..." I trail a finger down your chest, and further down your abdomen. Then it sweeps through your pubic hair and along your hard cock._

_"Beautiful," I murmur. Replacing my finger with my tongue, I move back up your shaft and lazily swirl it around your head, making you moan._

 

 

‘Do as I say, my love’...

Have sweeter words ever been spoken?

And once again I am tied to a bed, so vulnerable, _truly_ , with you... but I trust you completely. And also - I’m completely yours.

Your finger trails along my skin and it’s like a glowing line of fire stays behind where it’s touched me, but then your mouth replaces it and all thought ceases.

That tongue... slightly cooler than expected and somehow that makes it _hotter_... oh god Jim... yours... totally and completely yours... take whatever you want...

 

 

_I look up at you as I drag my tongue up and down your cock, and your eyes lock onto mine. I raise my head, smile, let my fangs descend... my tongue slowly moves over my lips._

_Gently, so gently, I allow the sharp tip of one incisor to graze the skin... and a bead of blood breaks free. I capture it on my tongue, moan with pleasure, and start to suck your cock for real. The faint taste of blood as I do is intoxicating. Also I'm still drunk. And *so randy* from your show..._

_Oh *fuck*, Sebastian... I groan as I take you deeper into my throat._

 

 

Your eyes shine... like staring into a well in the dark of night... intoxicating, enticing... you smile, your fangs, so sharp -

Oh - _god_ \- fang - pierce - pain - delight - oh god _Jim_ -

I wanted you to bite me, but I didn't realize you could bite - there -

\- but you moan and your mouth is on my cock and it is _so good_ -

I'm yours, Jim, yours - oh god, yes, bite me, suck me, eat me alive if you want to -

a groan - deeper - oh _fuck_ -

I arch my back, groan, pull on the cuffs, the headboard strains -

"Jim - god - oh god -"

 

 

_"Not yet, darling..." I warn, and lick you hard and fast._

_Your moans are beautiful, *primal*..._

_I pull myself off your cock, and sit on your thighs._

_I stroke you firmly. "I hope you weren't thinking of coming, Tiger..." I say sweetly._

_You protest around your moans._

_"Oh goody... then you haven't forgotten you're *mine*, and I'll take what I want from you..." I purr, and move closer, staring down at you. "That was a *very sexy* dance, Sebastian... it's made me very excited, and now I want... *more*."_

_I move my head down to your chest, and kiss your chest over your heart, then I let my fangs sink into your skin. I latch on and drink from you, making a purring sound in my throat as the blood seeps into my mouth. My hand curls around your neck possessively, and my other hand continues to stroke your cock._

_"Mmm... but your dancing was so delectable you deserve a treat. You can come..." I murmur, licking your chest and then returning to sucking the small wound._

 

 

Your fangs sinking into my chest... so good, so fucking hot...

Here I am, a predator devouring me, and I'm delirious with lust and pleasure. Oh god, mum, I'm so sorry... Dad is probably right, you should have thrown me out with the bathwater. I'm clearly completely mental.

But it's _so_. _good_. Gazelles would jump into the mouths of lions if they knew how fucking good it felt... and your hand is on my neck as you're drinking my blood, and I'm helpless... completely in your power... and my cock is so fucking hard throughout all this, and then you _touch it_ and oh _please_ -

Oh thank god -

'You can come...'

And I do, with your mouth sucking my blood, with my hands in cuffs, with your hand on my neck, I come like I only have ever come with you, because you are the god of my existence, the lord of my life, my love, my husband-to-be, the black star in the night sky...

" _Jim_...”

I buckle, try to remain still to not prevent you from sucking my wound... oh god Jim...

 

 

_I'm in such a dreamy state as I gently suck blood from over your heart, stroking you to completion, feeling your orgasm tear through your body... smiling as you shake and shiver underneath me, despite your best intentions to stay still. Don't worry, nothing will stop me, I want to tell you. But that would require stopping myself to tell you, and then I'd have to point out the irony, and then we'd laugh and laugh (God, I'm so drunk), and I'd have wasted precious time when I could have been drinking your precious blood._

_But I need far less than before, and I don't want to weaken you. Ruefully I give the wound another lick, and turn my mind to another hunger._

_I sit on your thighs again, trailing my fingers over my chest. Quickly, I use a nail to slash the same spot over my heart. I lean over you, and watch as drops of blood drip down over your chest._

_"Drink, darling..." I whisper. "You'll need to keep your strength up..."_

_And I move my chest above your face to let my rich, powerful blood drip over your lips._

 

 

Mmm... first you drink from my heart and now I drink from yours... so... symbolic and romantic and stuff...

... and it tastes so good - is it supposed to taste good? What’s the evolutionary benefit?

I lick the drops up, put my lips onto your heart, gently suck, feeling the invigorating blood enter my mouth, swallow it... it’s like I can feel its path to my stomach, but already I feel stronger, it must be absorbed through the mouth’s membranes, or maybe it’s just psychological, or _magic_...

 

 

_Feeling you drink from my lifeblood (such as it is) is unbelievably intense... and erotic as hell._

_Fuck. It's going to be hard to not do this all the time..._

_I moan as you drink from me. Feels *so good*..._

_"Oh... Sebastian... darling..." I sigh, feeling myself grow so hard._

_Then gently I take your head in my hands and pull away from you. You make a sound of loss, and I'm so tempted to give you more..._

_but no..._

_you'll already be feeling the pull of my blood now..._

_"That's enough, Tiger," I say in a silky voice. "but I have something else for you..."_

_I scoot over your chest, and rise to my knees. I stroke myself, and you look at me hungrily. Then I guide my cock into your mouth, brace myself against the headboard, and begin to move._

 

 

It looks like you are enjoying me drinking from you as much as I enjoy you drinking from me.

Is that what it’s going to be like? Us drinking from each other all the time?

I could live with that... your blood is like a blend of coke and E... it makes me feel energized and so good...

It feels like a loss when you pull back - no - I’d only just started having a taste -

but then your beautiful cock is right in front of me and oh god I _need_ that - now -

and I don’t need to wait, it’s inside me, and I’m still tied to the headboard, which you are holding on to, as you are fucking my mouth, and it’s so hot that I moan with delight.

 

 

_My body is pulsing with your blood, and I'm full of heat and desire..._

_thrusting into your mouth, fuck *yes*, take it, Tiger... I am beautiful, I am desirable, I'm on fire..._

_I'm intoxicated with your blood, I'm drunk, I'm madly in love,_

_and my gorgeous, sexy fiancé who just stripped for me is now sucking my cock like a bloody virtuoso, *god*, you're unbelievably hot, oh *fuck*, I want to come... I want to come in your mouth, and unshackle you, and sleep in your arms, and marry you._

_And then I want to spend every day with you, fucking and drinking blood._

_I like this plan._

_First step - come in your mouth. I can do that._

_I grasp the headboard, and start to thrust hard and fast... you moan, and I arch my back, throw back my head, and unleash primal sounds at the ceiling. Is the concierge going to get any distressed phone calls? Fuck 'em if they don't know how to handle it - this is Vegas. They should be able to deal with one little vampire and his big, beautiful Tiger..._

_Soon I'm shuddering, howling loudly and exploding with pleasure into your mouth._

_"Oh god... fuck, god, Tiger..." I rant, and fall against the pillows._

_When I open my eyes, you're gazing at me. I lean over to undo your restraints._

_"Fucking good stag night, darling..." I purr. "Did you have fun?"_

_Without waiting for an answer, I take your face in my hands and kiss you deeply._

 

 

You’re thrusting into my mouth, and then you shudder, and howl out your pleasure, oh god, I feel like I’m floating above the bed, lost in the maelstrom of your desire, your love, your ecstasy -

A last thrust, and you pull away, and I swallow, and you fall into the pillows beside me. I want nothing more than to hold you, and you read my mind and unshackle me, and kiss me, and I am in heaven...

Fuck, that blood is strong stuff. As is love... and whisky...

“I’m floating on happiness, Jim...” I smile when you stop kissing. “I never thought I’d have a _stag night_. Or even a boyfriend, for that matter. You are a miracle, Jim Moriarty... and your alter ego, Richard Brook.”

Whoa. I really am floating.

I reach for my cigarettes, light one, check if there’s still beer in the bottle - there isn’t. I hand you the cigarette, head to the fridge - remarkably steady on my legs, considering.

 

 

_Feeling dreamy, I watch you look for cigarettes and more beer. Then you stand, and I'm transfixed by your gorgeous body._

_As you cross the room to the fridge, I observe you closely. "Are you feeling weak, Sebastian?" I fret. "I can order you a roast..."_

 

 

"I've never felt better..." I smile at you, then get two beers. Not sure if you want one.

"That vampire blood is _good_ stuff. You should sell it - you'd make millions. You shouldn't. I don't want anyone tasting your blood but me. I mean - other vampires' blood."

I guess I'm still a bit drunk - it's just not making me clumsy or tired or slurry or any of the other less desirable side effects of alcohol. Just - pleasantly buzzy.

I flump onto the bed, open my beer, hold out the beer for you, take the cigarette back, take a deep draught.

Have I ever been happier?

"Jim - from now on, this will be my most treasured memory. I have never felt remotely as happy as I do now."

 

 

_I want to dissolve into a puddle of tears. Instead I beam at you, and wrap an arm around your waist. Then I lean over to kiss you and gaze into your eyes. "I can barely remember happiness, except with you. This is my most treasured moment with you too, darling - although - I'll always remember when you came back to me..." I stroke your cheek, and look at you longingly. "After everything I did... you came back to me." I feel my chin tremble slightly, and I kiss you again._

_"And by morning it was sorted.. we were *engaged*. Sebastian and Richard 4eva..." I grin at you, lift my beer and clink the bottle against yours. I take a long drink. "And here we are... drunk on our stag night!" Contentedly, I flop back down against the bed._

_"Of course vampire blood would make millions... it would be red *gold*.. only thing is, darling... no one knows we exist..." I stage-whisper. "Except..." I pretend to think hard, and then look surprised as I point. "You! Looks like you've won a lifetime supply of vampire blood, Sebastian!"_

_I lean closer, and kiss your neck, purring, "Did you like it, darling?"_

 

 

“Very much... it’s so good, I suspect it’s illegal, and bad for me... so do other vampires not fall in love with humans? Like in Twilight?”

 

 

_"I don't know, darling... I didn't see vampires getting romantic with humans, and I didn't spend much time chatting up any vampires I met about their relationships," I reply, and then giggle at the thought._

_"So, poncy, vicious vampire," I say in a friendly tone. "Are you seeing anyone? Ever dated a human?"_

_I grin at you. "I didn't like them," I purr dangerously. "It didn't *end well* for several of them... hence the blood-feud. I'm sure it must happen, if it happened for me. But I imagine it's rare..."_

 

 

“I guess so...”

I’m _not_ thinking about why it’s not practical for vampires and humans to date. Not on the night - morning - before my wedding.

“Do you want to do more on our stag night? Or can I tempt you to a shower and a sleep? It’s light outside...”

 

 

_I stretch luxuriously. "Shower and sleep sounds wonderful... But I demand sweet kisses and cuddles throughout... and that you carry me to the shower... as I am quite lazy and very drunk..." I giggle._

 

 

“No problem, my sweet husband-to-be,” I smile. I’m pretty sure I won’t drop you, after the shot of blood I got from you.

I sweep you up in my arms, carry you to the shower. I’m stable, but you’re giggling, and it’s so infectious, and then I am giggling, and then I’m having to put you down to avoid dropping you. We are giggling like schoolboys, starting up the shower, splashing each other.

 

 

_We wash each other, shampoo each other's hair, interspersed with kissing, splashing, and growled threats... and it's the most divinely wonderful shower I've *ever had*... then when we're sparkly clean, you carry me back to bed despite my giggling protests. Nestled in your arms, I feel myself *glowing*... is this happiness? Is this love? I have *both*... I may be a bloodsucking fiend, but I have happiness and love, and I am never letting them go. If I have to personally smite each and every enemy from the face of the earth so that me and my Tiger are safe, So Be It. But that's for the future... First we have a wedding and a honeymoon to enjoy. And I intend to enjoy the unholy hell out of them..._

_"You've made me very happy, Sebastian..." I sigh, and snuggle against your shoulder. "And if you couldn't tell... I *really liked your dance*..." I look up at you, eyes gleaming._

 

 

“I really enjoyed it... I would love to do many many more of them in the future... and maybe my Lord Husband might be tempted to do one himself some time?”

You snuggle up to me and your eyes are dropping closed... I wish I could stay awake all day and look at your face in the changing light, but I have a wedding to attend...

I do hope this vampire blood protects against hangovers...

 

 

_I hear you say something about hoping I will perform for you. Mmm, magnificent idea, Tiger... once I choose the theme, I'll have to consider music, costume, lighting, props..._

_I'm still thinking of potential themes when I realize I haven't answered you. But there are so many ideas to decide from!! I must consider uniqueness, something worthy of star quality, my own pleasure in performing it, the intended effect on the audience, that certain je-ne-sais-quoi that makes for an unforgettable show..._

_I'm imagining myself on stage in bunny ears, booty shorts and a cottontail, tall black boots, and then thinking *nono*, that's not the look I'm going for at all, don't be ridiculous Jimmy, when the lights begin to fade and the stage is slowly swallowed by darkness, but I haven't performed yet, and the costume is all wrong, oh - but I'm just tired, you'll just have to wait, my beloved Tiger –_

 

 

I sleep deep and good, but with odd, vivid dreams.

I’m in a house, searching for a target. It’s pitch black, but I have the idea to bite my hand and drink a bit of blood, and that clears things up - I can navigate the dark, find the target, who’s hiding in a coffin in the basement.

Then I’m in Baghdad and I’ve been on the piss and I shouldn’t have, and I’ve lost my mates, and forgot where we’re staying, and I’m trying to be inconspicuous, but that’s hard when you’re 6’ and blond and drunk and oh shit, naked as well? Damn...

A black car stops beside me and I try to ignore it but a silken voice drips out of it, tells me to get in, and I’m unable to resist. It’s dark in the back but two red eyes gleam at me... growing larger...

“You should never have married _him_ ,” a woman’s voice purrs, and a silver dagger is at my throat, and I start -

Jim.

You’re here, beside me. Sleeping peacefully. I hope.

Damn, how do you check if your vampire fiancé is still alive? What are the vitals?

I guess I just have to assume. I don’t think vampires die in their sleep. What would they die of?

Still, it’s unnerving; no breath, no body warmth...

I head to the bathroom for a piss and a drink of water, and am relieved when I get back into bed and you stir, curl up to me. Softly I kiss your brow, hold you close, drift back to sleep.

 

 

_Coldness and darkness sweep in - sun gone._

_No life without the sun..._

 

_Longing for warmth and light..._

_Lost, bereft of life..._

 

_suspended between life and death..._

_helpless..._

 

_glowing sun wraps me in heat..._

_reaching for my source of life._

_Kissed, held. Safe._

_Sebastian..._

_Sinking back into darkness, glowing heart..._

 

 

When we wake, it’s afternoon. We can’t go out - well, I can, but I don’t want to - so I lazily order an ‘all-day breakfast’ with two pots of coffee on room service.

I eat heartily, feeding you choice titbits, drinking a lot of coffee.

“How’s your head? Are you hungover? I’m remarkably fine - I think it might be your blood, it has quite the invigorating effect on me.”

 

 

_I lean against you contentedly, sipping a coffee and eating bites of your breakfast._

_"A little fuzzy-headed..." I smile at you. "But your blood helped, too. Mmm. It's going to be hard not to do that all the time..." I say ruefully. "But we both need to be careful. I don't want to weaken you, or get you addicted. You'll need to make sure you have enough protein and electrolytes... and not drink from me every day... no matter how delicious I am, Tiger..." I shake a finger at you, gesturing NoNoNo._

_"Do we need to add this to our vows? Or will you remember, darling?" I purr, slide my arms around your waist and kiss your neck._

 

 

I’m delighted with you leaning against me so sweetly, sipping of my coffee and nibbling bits of my breakfast. It’s so peaceful, so loving, so... fuck it... _delightfully domestic_...

God, if my mates could see me now... they’d die laughing.

“I’m not sure if our officiant is going to appreciate us exchanging vows about blood-drinking... they can be awfully fundamentalist about that kind of thing in the US, I heard.

So - your blood does not negate the weakening effect from you drinking from me? And what would be the problem if I got addicted, since I’m yours anyway? Would it affect my mind or emotions?”

 

 

_"Well, it makes you stronger, and helps you heal faster. And there are secondary effects, like heightened senses, speed, etc. But if you've experienced blood loss, it doesn't replace all the blood you lost. When I'm wounded, I still have to heal from the wound - it's just a lot quicker than a human. When you've lost blood, you still need to replenish the nutrients you lost."_

_I pluck a piece of bacon from your plate, nibble it, and then push it into your mouth._

_"As for getting addicted... yes, it could affect your mind and emotions, just like any addiction. My main concern was about you falling under my thrall, and not knowing whether your feelings were real or the effect of the blood - and I recall you being concerned about that too at one point! But then... I think we're both clear now that your feelings for me are your real feelings..." I look up at you through my lashes, and kiss you sweetly._

_"I don't know if it's different when you're in love. Maybe it is... maybe the thrall won't happen. But it's still a powerful, intoxicating substance, and you just have to be careful not to overdo. A little is fine... and I really enjoyed you drinking from me..." I murmur, and push another piece of bacon into your mouth._

 

 

“God, it’s so good though - both you drinking from me, and me drinking your blood - it’s - it’s almost orgasmic when you drink from me, it’s such a heady feeling. The surrender, of course - but the actual feeling; it’s like a shimmer of pleasure spreads through all my nerves from where you are sucking... it’s ecstatic...” I shiver slightly at the memory, pull you close. “Does it feel the same for you?”

 

 

_I'm smiling as I hear you talk about your experience._

_I nuzzle your jaw. "Heady pleasure... ecstatic... orgasmic... *yes*, darling. It does feel the same. Both drinking and being drunk by you... I had no idea it would be like this, I love that we share this... blood connection. I feel even closer to you..." I kiss you deeply._

 

 

I’m - kind of glad that you had no idea. It makes it feel more special; something that you’ve only now discovered, only with me.

“Have you ever let anyone else drink your blood? How did you know it would perk me up?”

 

 

_"*No*, I've never let anyone drink from me, I had zero interest in that. The only time anyone ever drank from me was when I was turned - which was a very different experience what with the struggling and dying. I do recall a certain euphoria once it got to a certain point, but that happens when you freeze to death too, doesn't it. Anyway... vampires certainly did express interest in wanting sex and blood from me, but I wanted nothing to do with that..." I stroke your face. "You're the only one I've ever given my blood to. The only one I would want to. As for how I knew... it's just one of the things I learned, when I was gathering all the information I could. The effect of vampire blood on humans, and on other vampires. I knew it was an intense experience for vampires. With a human, I had no idea it would be so... *intimate*..." My fingers trail down your neck, and I smile at you intently._

 

 

The only one.

The only one you’ve ever been in love with.

The only one you’ve let drink from you.

And then you look at me and a match is held to a gasoline-drenched cloth...

Your deep black eyes -

_the only one_

“Jim-“ my voice gets stuck in my throat.

Your eyes -

I sweep you into my arms at the same time as I’m getting up, carry you to the bedroom, throw you onto the bed, myself on top of you, kiss you like I’m starving, which I am, I need you Jim god I love you –

 

 

_God, how you're looking at me..._

_as if..._

_*Oh*..._

_*Tiger*... you're so deliciously aggressive... *possessive*..._

_"Sebastian," I whisper, as your lips rain kisses down on me. "I'm all yours... yours for the taking..."_

 

 

“Don’t say such things...” I groan, and assault your neck, kissing, sucking, biting - oh god Jim -

I can’t believe I will have this _every day_ now -

I never ever was interested in shagging the same person twice - why waste time on something you’ve already done? There are millions of people out there waiting to be sampled.

Now I can’t imagine anything more delightful than kissing every inch of you... having you in every position in the book and quite a few outside it... being taken by you morning, noon, and night... whipped and bitten and drunk... and spending night after night talking and playing games and dancing and watching films and having breakfast together and oh god... I always thought domestic life was hell, but I didn’t realize it is heaven - as long as it is with you.

But there’s nothing domestic about my intents on you now. You are cool and sensuous underneath me and I am ravenous. I’m kissing your stomach, hips, biting the inside of your thighs, making you moan - and then that cock, that beautiful cock... I dive onto it hungrily, licking, kissing, sucking...

 

 

_Oh god, there is something so sexy about you being swept away by your desire for me. It unleashes my desire for you, but it feels so good to not have to be in control all the time, to just lie back and let you worship me with your hands, your lips... your tongue. Oh *fuck*, Sebastian..._

_My hands go on your head as you lick me and suck me and "that feels so *fucking good*..." I moan, and my fingers tighten in your hair, and I start to writhe, and "oh... god... Sebastian..."_

 

 

Nuh-uh, gorgeous... you said you were mine for the taking and take you I shall... and then I will continue this evidently very much appreciated effort.

I move your legs up, lick lower - your perineum, your entrance... oddly cool, like the rest of you, but so lovely - I start moving my tongue, pushing inside...

 

 

_Fuuuuck... you've never done this before, and I can't for the life of me remember if anyone has, ever - sometimes the memories of my human life are a bit hazy._

_Oh fuck, you're so good, it feels so good, and "ohgodohgodSebastian" I groan, and my head falls back against the pillows and I arch my back, and you keep going and I'm moaning for you, so delicious, my Sebastian, oh *god*..._

 

 

This activity appears to be appreciated as well. Excellent.

I can’t wait much longer though - I want you -

I move up so I can get the lube from the bedside table. “You want me, Jim? Want me to fuck you? Fuck you hard?”

 

 

_"Yes, I fucking want you..." I groan, feeling maddened beyond belief. "Yes, *fuck me*. *Hard*. *Now*, Tiger."_

 

 

“You’re so fucking hot,” I rant, rubbing lube into you, some on my cock - needyouneedyouneedyounow - “I’m going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before - you’re mine, Jim, my husband, my dark angel, my love, my life... and so fucking hot...”

I position myself, push in -

“Oh god...”

 

 

_Hearing the word *husband* has a stunning effect. Oh... *Oh*... I'm going to be your husband, and you're going to be mine..._

_Fuck... that *is* hot..._

_"Mmm, my beautiful Tiger, my husband..." I purr, as I feel your cock pushing into me. "God, *yes*, I'm yours... Show me what it means to be *yours*..."_

 

 

“What it means to be mine, Jim?” I grunt. “I’ll show you, my love...” I say as I push in, slowly, deeper, so tight oh fuck so good... “It means getting fucked good and hard whenever you want to be... because I can’t see you and _not_ have my cock get rock solid, ready to pound you into the mattress, or against the wall, or over the table... I’m going to take you on every surface in this room, horizontal or vertical. You’re so fucking beautiful, so fucking hot, god, Jim...”

I’m moving in and out, slightly further in with each move, and finally I’m fully in, and you’re looking enraptured, staring at me hungrily, and I bear down on you, biting your neck, your ear...

 

 

_I moan as you're pushing into me, setting me ablaze with your cock, your touch, your words..._

_"*Yess*, fuck me good and hard," I say in a whispery growl. "Take me anywhere, everywhere, pound me, jack me, slam me -*fuck*!" I groan at a particularly sharp bite at the same time as a particularly deep thrust. "Jesus... Christ... Sebastian, you are so delicious... so *hot*..." I purr, eyes half closed. My legs tighten around your waist, drawing you deeper in and I let out a low, pleased moan._

 

 

You like a full-out fuck, and I can give you that... that’s the problem with one-nighters, even if they say they like it rough, you do hold back - I’m strong, and quite big, and don’t want to accidentally hurt someone. But you can take me at full force. I won’t bruise or break you.

You don half know how good it is to be able to just - let go fully -

I don’t think I’ve ever...

“Fuck, Jim - god, you’re the hottest ever... if I ever wake up and don’t want to fuck you, assume I’m dead...”

That’s it - I can unleash - just let go into the frenzy of the fuck, where nothing exists but you and the amazing sensation in my cock, and your face, contorted in ecstasy, and I release my body to do what it wants, and what it wants is you...

 

 

_Feeling you slowly give over to your baser instincts is unlike everything I've ever experienced..._

_*God*... your animal nature is a thing to behold..._

_You really are a *tiger*... powerful, majestic, gorgeous..._

_and also a primal... growling... rutting.. *beast*..._

 

_Half-delirious, I rant, "*My* Beast... you will always be *mine*... beautiful... Tiger..." and then my words dissolve into primal cries and gasps, as you pound into me, fuckfuck*fuck*, so*good*..._

 

 

You’re talking, gasping, crying out as I am losing myself inside you - it’s the best feeling imaginable; it’s like being in a trance, or a battle frenzy, but where the first lacks a physical aspect, and the latter requires your mind to focus, this is true primal nature taking over. I ram inside you, hard, fast, racing towards the edge of an abyss I’ve never been near, growling, gasping, groaning - god Jim - Lord of my existence, God of sex, King of pleasure –

 

 

_I've never felt like this, ever, ever... it's like a pure experience of sex, like we're supposed to experience, the essence of lust and desire... how did I think sex was anything but this??_

_And this is just the beginning for us..._

_"fuck... yes... fuck me, my Tiger..." I groan, and thrust back against your pelvis hard._

 

 

Yes, I’m fucking you... and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, it’s what I was made for, here we go, I’m a killer _and_ a lover.

I’m hurtling towards that abyss and launch myself into the blackness, and am soaring upwards in a rollercoaster to heaven; where bodily sensations merge with emotions in a perfect cocktail, immense pleasure and immeasurable love stirred together, spiralling up, up, up...

To a place where there is nothing but ecstasy, and exultation, and excruciating pleasure... and You.

“Jim - god - fuck - _JIM_ -“

 

 

_It's mindless pleasure now, burning heat and desire mounting higher and higher, setting my limbs ablaze, melting my brain, tearing loud moans and ragged cries from my throat. *God*, sex with you has been amazing, but if this is anything to go by... we're going to need to soundproof the walls wherever we live._

_"Oh god," I groan. "Sebastian... *fuck*!"_

 

 

Oh god you’re enjoying this nearly as much as I am and it’s - astounding - your groans, your cries, as my orgasm tears through me...

I roar, and pant, and buckle, and writhe, and shudder, and finally collapse onto my shivering arms, holding myself up with utmost effort, panting, moaning, muttering incoherent terms of endearment.

 

 

_My eyes widen as I feel you coming so hard against me, shuddering, shaking, roaring, mmm... my arms tighten around you._

_“Darling...” I purr, and lick your throat. “You really are the *hottest thing*..._

_Now. Don’t make me wait a second longer...”_

 

 

Oh.

Yes.

My arms are trembling with the effort to stay upright; I just want to collapse, but -

Jim needs me. Jim wants me. I can’t believe the honour - but I’ll live up to it.

I grab your cock as I’m still inside you, trying to remain a bit longer, keep that contact, to feel you as you are overtaken by your pleasure...

 

 

_Mmm. Good. Yes._

_Your hand on my cock is perfection. You’re still inside me, still panting and trembling._

_I start to tremble too..._

_Oh god... yes..._

_My back arches, and I moan. “Sebbie... *Tiger*...”_

 

 

Yes... Yes yes yes Jim, please, show me the pleasure only I can give you... will give you whenever you want, for the rest of my life...

You moan my name, and the name you’ve given me, which feels so special, so much better than the name my dad gave me...

Fuck him, a Tiger I will be...

 _Your_ Tiger.

I stare at your face in rapture as you squeeze your eyes shut, pull your mouth in a grimace, and then I am rewarded with the feeling of your seed on my hand, your shudders, your gasps...

My Jim...

 

 

_“Oh god... Tiger...” I murmur, and pull you down into a kiss._

_“Mmm. Magnificent,” I whisper, smiling at you. “What a delicious start to the day...”_

_“Sebbie, today’s the day!” I say with delight, then my eyes widen. “We need rings!”_

 

 

“Yes we do! Fortunately you can get those around the clock over here. We’ll go and choose some when it’s dark. And get our certificate, get you some dinner, and then -“ I burst into the wedding march. I look down at you, beaming.

“You absolutely sure? Last chance to change your mind!”

 

 

_I scoff. “Try and stop me. You, darling?”_

_My fingers trail down your chest, and I smirk up at you. “I may be a mad, jealous vampire...” I purr. “but I can promise you one hell of a ride...”_

 

 

“Funny, I happen to have a thing for mad, jealous vampires... I think I’ll give it a go...” I smile, but I see your face.

“I’m joking, my love... this is it. The big one. You’re the love of my life, crazy vampire or not. I’m going to be the proudest man in Vegas... hell, I already am.

Rings, certificate, food, marriage... and then, the wedding night... I wonder if it can live up to the stag night...”

I look at you, your beautiful eyes in the twilight of the late sun shining behind the curtains.

 

 

_"*Mad* vampire," I say loftily. "*Crazy* makes one think of someone rambling and unkempt, no? Mad is so much more elegant. Although..." I muse, running my hand through my hair. "You've probably messed me up terribly." I kiss you._

_"But you're forgiven... because your skills are *epic*, darling. And *love of my life* sums it up nicely... there is no one for me but you..."_

_I imagine one distant day when you're gone from this world... and see myself spending that day in the sun until I'm no more. There would be nothing left for me after this... I'm not spending one day of eternity without you._

_"Rings, certificate, food, marriage... and the wedding night better *top* the stag night, or there will be severe punishment." I smile at you sweetly. "Better eat well today, darling. You're going to need a lot of energy..."_

 

 

I’m _already_ getting hot at those words... bloody hell. Steak and eggs and leafy greens, I think...

“We should choose some music - we can have a piece walking in, tying the knot, and walking out. What kind of music do you like?”

 

 

_"How do you feel about Britney Spears?" I ask innocently._

_The look of horror on your face has me shaking with laughter. "*No Britney*?" I say, aghast. "I take it Lady Gaga and Madonna are out, too? What do *you* like?"_

 

 

“ _Music_. Not - pop warbles with auto-tune. I like eh...”

I look at you. You’re going to hate anything that features a guitar, aren’t you?

“Metal... rock... some singer-songwriter...?”

You’re looking appalled.

OK. First marital hurdle identified...

 

 

_"Disco. Pop. Terribly dramatic classical and opera." I purr at you._

_You're looking more and more dismayed. "There must be something we would both like..." I muse, tapping my fingers against my lips._

_"Retro? *Queen*," I say cheerily. "Transcends all."_

 

 

“I like Queen,” I perk up. Of course you would like Queen. They seem like a you band.

“Hmmm... Somebody to Love?”

 

 

_I look at you, glowing. I extend my hand, and you shake it, looking amused._

_I sigh happily. “Exactly right, darling.”_

_I’m getting married to the dreamiest man, and my beloved Queen is accompanying me... Oh, I can’t wait to choose rings, and drink someone dry. It’s going to be such a beautiful night..._

 

 

“They let us have three songs. What about Super Psycho Love?” I grin.

 

 

_I chuckle. “Apropos, darling. Your super psycho *loves* it. The third choice will be mine, and it will be a surprise. Well, shall we shower and get dressed? You’ve made me sticky...”_

 

 

“Smack My Bitch Up? Or Little Willy?” I suggest as we walk to the shower, making you giggle. “Bloody Kisses? Let It Bleed? Transylvanian Concubine?” I try a different approach.

 

 

_“Criminal? Wild Boys? Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)?” I coo at you as we enter the lovely hot water of the shower. “Hungry Like the Wolf? I Put a Spell on You? Red Right Hand? These would all be fabulous to walk out to, wouldn’t they darling...”_

 

 

I am laughing out loud now. We bounce some more ideas off each other (“Wedding Nails?” “What?” “By Porcupine Tree?” “Who?” Take It Like a Man? Easy Tiger? The Queen and the Soldier? - that gets me a slap on the arm) and wash each other. It becomes an almost reverential affair - I’m washing my husband on the eve of our wedding...

 

 

_I’m preening as you wash me, I absolutely adore it... It brings to mind devotees ritually, lovingly cleansing a statue of their god. Only I’m flesh and blood... welll, not quite human. I’m immortal anyway, so the closest thing you’ll come to a god walking the earth. Adore me, worship me all you like, Tiger... it only makes me love you more deeply and truly than I ever could have imagined loving another. I kiss you sweetly throughout, and feel like my heart might burst._

 

 

Oh, you're loving this... You stand tall and proud, let me wash you in the awe and reverence you deserve. It seems fitting, so I take my time, carefully washing you, starting at the crown of your head, which I shampoo and condition, then your face, stroking gently over your brow, making my way to your neck, your arms, your back, using the luxurious body wash you brought - god forbid that I use the hotel shower gel - making my way further down, ending up on my knees washing the soles of your feet, slowly, in veneration.

When I have finished, it does feel like I have finished some sort of ritual - would be the first time in my life...

 

 

_Every stroke feels like it brings me to life more and more... My skin is tingling everywhere... I feel myself positively glowing._

_I stare up at you, in awe._

_"Fuck," I whisper. "How do I just keep falling deeper in love, Sebbie? Is love an ocean, so deep the bottom can't be reached? Or is it like a universe, infinitely expansive?"_

_I take the body wash from you, and bathe you, kissing your limbs softly as I do._

 

 

My poetic vampire... I didn't know you had it in you...

Then you start washing me, and that, too, feels like a ritual. Every body part is blessed with a kiss before it's ritually cleansed... my past life washed away, like the irrelevant dross that it is, all those years spent doing useless things - school, army, gun for hire, fucking around, boozing it up... the useful skills I've learnt I will take with me, to use in your service - all the rest is spiralling down the shower drain, washed off by your powerful hand.

 

 

_When we're done, you towel us both off, and it's as if I'm newly born._

_I look at you, staring back at me, and suddenly it feels like we're in the antechamber of a temple, where pilgrims cleanse themselves before their rituals begin._

_"Tiger," I whisper, my hand resting on your chest where the scar from my blood-drinking remains. “It feels like it's already begun... Merging... Union. Do you feel it?"_

_I feel your heart beat strongly under my hand._

 

 

“Yes... you are a very special person, Jim Moriarty...” I whisper.

“I don’t know if this is what true love is like for everyone, but I highly doubt it. Maybe it’s because of the blood? People used to use blood for important rituals, not just as sacrifices, but also drinking each other’s... maybe they were actually on to something. Or maybe it only works if one of you is a vampire... I can’t say I’ve ever partaken in mutual blood-drinking with anyone else - or even unilateral blood-drinking, for that matter.

But yes - there is definitely something special happening... as is appropriate for our wedding day...” I smile.

 _Our wedding day_.

Fucking hell. I’m getting married. To the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Who is also a vampire.

Bloody hell.

 

 

_*True love*... my heart soars._

_"My blood is a part of you... your blood is a part of me,” I murmur. “And always will be... I'm sure that has a powerful effect..."_

_I remove my hand and kiss your scar, feeling the drum of your heart under my lips._

_I raise my face and look up at you through my lashes._

_"I'm looking forward to doing it again..." I whisper, and smile at you._

 

 

“God, yes...” I whimper. I can’t wait either... “but we should wait, wait until after marriage,” I grin.

Marriage...

Suddenly I’m overcome with joy, lift you up in my arms and swing you around until I get dizzy.

“We’re getting married Jim! You and me forever!!”

No one is going to be able to wipe this grin off my face tonight.

It’s still light, so I finish off the bits of breakfast that I had left in my hunger for something better, and we chat happily and pleasantly about small things - music, films, books.

“I can’t believe you’ve never read Dracula!”

 

 

_"Fiction wasn't my forte, darling. Even still, I gave myself a lofty reading list when I undertook my own education, and I've read more than most university graduates. But Dracula didn't make it to my primary texts list, or even secondary. I read Frankenstein. Dracula seemed substandard to that - am I wrong? Should I read it? Maybe we could read it out loud to each other," I muse. "With voices! I like using voices!"_

_You start looking alarmed._

 

 

Voices?

"It's good. It's your classic vampire text that most of the films you see are based on - and most of the popular vampire lore, like the garlic and the crucifix and stuff. You'll probably shout at it though - but I love the idea of reading to each other... not sure about the voices though..."

I look at the window.

"Sun's going down... when is it safe for you to go outside?"

 

 

_I pat your shoulder. "I'll be fine, darling. It would weaken me if the sun was at full strength, but it's almost gone. I brought a rather elegant fedora just in case. I'll be wearing long sleeves, so I'll be mostly covered. I can put my hands in my pockets or wear leather gloves if needed. Shall we?"_

 

 

"Let's," I smile. We both get dressed - I in jeans and a t-shirt, you in a casual suit that looks absolutely ravishing on you.

We head out onto the Strip. "Google says there's a Cartier's just around the corner - is that posh enough for you?" You nod, and we head to the shop, which is dazzling with too much bling. A helpful assistant shows us the men's wedding rings.

"I would like a plain one, personally - how about you?... _No._ " I say, aghast, as you hold up a panther-shaped ring.

"Don't worry, Tiger, I wasn't going to..." you grin.

"Oh look - this one has my initials," I point.

"It's a small model, yes..." you roll your eyes and we giggle. The staff are endlessly patient - we're probably not the first love-drunk wedding couple here, and at least we're not proper drunk.

 

 

_You keep steering me away from rings with black diamonds and towards dreadfully boring plain ones. I'm trying not to sulk, but *really*._

_Anyway, I don't want to ruin our day, and I suppose marriage is supposed to be about compromi - *oh my god*_

_"Tiger!" I exclaim, pointing wildly. "*Those* ones..."_

_According to the label, they're platinum with black enamel and seymchan meteorite. Two pinstripes of black enamel, with a thicker band of meteorite in the centre._

_Bloody expensive and the most beautiful rings I've ever seen._

_"*Meteorite*, Tiger... the material for our rings would come from the *stars*..." I breathe. I turn my glittering eyes towards you, and press against you._

_"Or we could just have boring ordinary bands like everyone else," I say silkily. "Well?"_

 

 

These are really nice. As in, _really_ nice. I don't want stones or patterns or stuff, but this is - just three black bands, two thin ones and the meteorite one, which looks like granite. No curved edges, all nice and masculine.

"Yes!" I exclaim.

Then I see the price.

"Hoooooooly shit Jim..."

 

 

_I blink. What?_

_"Tiger... they're *beautiful*. We're going to be wearing these our entire lives." I lean my face up towards yours and kiss you. "This is the ring," I say firmly. "If you like it too, then it's not even a question."_

_I turn to the sales associate who's looking pleased as punch._

_"Ring us up," I say in a lazy voice. "And we want them engraved."_

_"Certainly, sir. Engraving takes 2 days. If time is an issue, you can drop them off after your ceremony and then pi-"_

_"Engraving happens *now*," I say pleasantly, as I smile at you._

_"Oh, sir - I'm sorry but there are other people who've paid who are waiting for -"_

_I sigh mightily and push a wad of cash across the counter. "Nattering *stops* now, or I shall be very cross. Sebastian? Any ideas?"_

_I whisper in your ear. "Sebastian & Richard 4eva?"_

 

 

Oh god Jim... I hate it when people use their position and money to get an unfair advantage. But my inner teenage boy is all aflutter with little hearts, telling me how _dreamy_ my husband-to-be is and how he is doing everything he can to make our day _perfect_...

It’s alright. Today, I will let you off, because I want a fairy-tale wedding. I don’t think fairy-tale weddings usually involve vampires as one of the grooms, but I’ve never been one to go for the common option.

The salespeople have a quick chat and one of them heads off into an office and comes back.

“Our engraver had already left for the day, but he will be coming back to fulfil your special request. He should be here in twenty minutes, please take a seat. Could I offer you anything to drink? A cup of coffee, a glass of wine?”

You look miffed that the engraver isn’t here _now_ , but even you realize that the poor man can’t teleport. We ask for two cups of coffee and settle together on a love seat.

I realize I called you Jim - I should remember to say Richard in public. It shouldn’t be a big deal here, but I must get used to it. You never know what could compromise security.

“Sebastian and Richard 4eva sounds perfect,” I smile.

I look into your eyes. “Richard...” it feels strange to say it, but also brings back memories of the sweet... and then not so sweet... boy. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. Thank you. For being... you. And for indulging a weird romantic impulsive soldier.”

I kiss you, softly, on the lips.

 

 

_I feel my heart expanding - how does this keep happening??_

_"I am so madly in love with this weird romantic impulsive soldier..." I say softly. "Really, it's unseemly! Psychopaths aren't supposed to behave like this and neither are vampires... mooning all over someone, getting rings engraved with sweet sentiments! Imagine! You've made me something else entirely... Richard isn't a persona anymore... he's real because of you..."_

_I kiss you back, staring up at you longingly. Then I rest my head on your shoulder, and our hands join._

_I look at our fingers, still bare. "I can't wait until you put a ring on me," I murmur, making you chuckle._

 

 

I know this won’t last. I know we’ll get into problems because of the whole vampire thing. Probably also because of the crazy ex-soldier thing.

So all the more reason to seize the day now.

The engraver arrives, his suit slightly dishevelled and his tie askew - he’s obviously rushed to get here, afraid the rich guys would stomp out if they had to wait.

We write down ‘Sebastian + Richard 4eva’ and he shows us on a screen different fonts and how it would look. You want a frilly font and as it will be on the inside, I’m alright - my baroque vampire...

 

 

_We wait for the rings, holding hands. When they finally give them to us, I stare at them in my palm._

_"Beautiful," I say, in awe._

_This is really happening..._

_I pocket yours, and you take mine. You thank the sales associates and engraver, and give them handsome tips. I smile indulgently at you, and we walk out arm in arm._

_"Licence?" I inquire delicately. "Then dinner - I think I could eat a football team... but one drunk tourist will do..."_

 

 

"Yes! You got your passport on you?" I ask. You produce it, and we hail a cab to the Marriage License Bureau.

We walk in, see a line of windows, a few having people on them. One couple just walk off as we enter, and there's no queue, so we can walk straight up to the clerk.

This is real.

"We applied online for a marriage license," I say, butterflies starting to dance in my stomach. "Richard Brook and Sebastian Moran."

 

 

_Hearing our names makes me smile - being married as Richard Brook is so significant. It takes me back to our first night when the magic began... somehow it feels like giving a gift to the Richard part of me - the sweet young man who fell for the hottest man he'd ever seen, and didn't think he'd have more than a night with him, even though he desperately wanted to._

_This is for you Richard, I think fondly. You snagged him with your charms. I sealed the deal with mine._

_A few minutes later, you hold the licence in your hand. And we walk out of the office, your arm around my shoulder. It makes me feel so loved and protected, I want to purr and rub against you. "We're getting very close, Sebastian Moran," I murmur, sliding my arm around your waist._

 

 

"We are, Richard Brook... soon to be Richard Moran..."

My smile is starting to hurt my cheeks, but I can't stop.

"Have a drink to celebrate?" I suggest. "Then you can go for dinner somewhere - do you have a specific place where you should, or want to?"

 

 

_“Soon to be Richard Moran would love a drink with his fiancé... doesn’t matter to me, there’s drunk people in every bar. Lead the way, darling...” I squeeze you around your waist, enjoying your strong body against mine. Richard’s fiancé is sooo dreamy, I think fondly, and sigh._

 

 

We pass a place with sci-fi and cartoon stuff in the window, and your eyes light up. "Doctor Who! R2D2! Tiger!"

"I don't see a tiger," I reply, but sure, if Richard wants to go into a kiddies' bar, Richard gets to go into a kiddies' bar. Inside it's sleek and modern, with loads of paraphernalia on the walls and pillars. "Oh look, it's Buffy," I grin.

 

 

_“I’m quite certain I could take Buffy,” I grin. “Although all the vampires on Buffy seem to know martial arts for some reason, so I could use your help… you learn martial arts in the SAS, don’t you?”_

_You nod at me, grinning, and we stroll in. “So if you need inspiration to kill vampires, you’re not going to learn much from Buffy. Might I suggest Blade?”_

 

 

“Be half vampire myself? That’s going to be hard. May have to have a word with my parents. And a time machine. Oh look, there’s one,” I point at a TARDIS in the corner.

We’re both still excessively giddy and order frilly cocktails. You’re disappointed they don’t have umbrellas so I hassle the staff until they get you one. It’s a bit discoloured and dusty so god knows where it came from, but your face lights up when you see it.

Your Richard side is _so incredibly CUTE_ , I just want to eat you up whole. Knowing that your Jim side is right underneath and he could eat _me_ whole just adds to the thrill.

God, you’re perfect...

We giggle and touch each other and steal little kisses and overall act like impossible lovey teenagers, and it’s beautiful.

“We’re getting married!” you beam at the waitress when she comes to check on us. She congratulates us with a big smile, then winks at me when I order a large rare steak. “Got to keep your strength up, hey?” Good grief, I think I’m _blushing_. You made Sebastian Moran blush, well done.

The steak is delicious. I was really hungry - must be the weird things you’re doing to my metabolism.

 

 

_I delicately eat my appetizer – three small tacos with steak. The more protein I can load up on the better…_

_I watch you as you eat. Mmm – your hearty appetite is doing wonders for mine. I’ll devour someone, we’ll get married, and then… the honeymoon to end all honeymoons, if our stag night was anything to go by. I have a feeling my decision about you not drinking my blood daily may get overturned… how can I deny you anything so *hot*?_

_I’m staring off imagining it when you put your hand over mine. “Penny for your thoughts?” you say slyly. Oh… you can tell can’t you._

 

_“I may have been thinking of something saucy,” I say in a coy voice._

_“Oh?” You smile and put your fork down. “And what’s that?”_

_“You… drinking… me…” I give you a seductive smile, and sip from my wine glass, the height of elegance, before flicking my tongue out against the rim._

 

 

"I can't wait..." I smile back, my foot stroking your leg under the table. This might have been more romantic had I not been wearing army boots, but it's the thought that counts. I check my watch - only midnight. Two and a half hours to go.

I stroke your wrist, your arm, lift it, kiss the palm of your hand, with a slight flick of the tongue.

"In three hours you will be Mr Moran... and I will be yours officially..."

 

 

_I shiver with delight as you kiss my hand and lick it. "I didn't expect to feel so *excited*..." I say in a hushed voice. "It feels like a done deal, so it just seemed like it would be, I don't know, paperwork. But it really doesn't..." I squeeze your hand. I can barely keep still._

_"Finish up your steak, my darling... I'm feeling antsy, and I want to *hunt*..." I say in a low growl, and look at you, eyes gleaming. “Join me?”_

 


	18. Disarm

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my voice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

 

 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I grin.

As we exit the bar and walk through some dark alleys to find a good quiet spot to take your dinner, I notice I see a lot better, even straight after we've come out of a well-lit area. Normally I'd have to let my eyes adjust to the darkness a bit more.

"Does the vampire blood affect night vision in humans?"

 

 

_"Makes sense that it would... You would temporarily experience any of our special abilities and qualities. I suppose that means you'll enjoy my hunt almost as much as me." My hand curls around yours. I spot a strip joint, and see a couple of men in suits stumbling out, laughing._

_"Oh, looky," I say, grinning_.

 

 

I feel cocksure -

"Want me to get one for you?" I grin.

 

 

_My eyes widen, and I look at you with delight. “Oh, would you?” I purr, squeezing your hand and then releasing it._

 

 

"Anything for you, my sweetheart," I smile. I'm relishing the chance to show off for you. You know I'm strong, you know I'm good at sex - but you haven't seen me work yet.

I start following the guys, who are stumbling off into the direction that we just came from. This is too easy...

In the US all towns are laid out in a grid pattern, so you know that if you run down a right turn, then take two lefts, you'll end up on your original road a bit further up. I remember a darkish alley that the guys are going to cross so leg it towards it, in time to hear their laughter approach. I hide in the shadows - they're passing - and I dash out, grab the hindmost guy, put my hand on his mouth to stop him from screaming, pull him into the alley, knock his head against the wall to stun him. Then I sling him over my shoulder and jog to a dark doorway halfway down the alley.

"Here you go, my love," I smile.

 

 

_I wait in the alley, wondering if I should skulk after you. Not because I doubt your abilities, but just so I can watch you do your thing... but I think there will be plenty of opportunities to watch you in the future... and this fetching me dinner thing is awfully exciting..._

_After several minutes, just as I wonder if I should start tracking you, suddenly you appear - with a man over your shoulder._

_"Darling!" I exclaim, clapping my hands. "This must be what it felt like in Palaeolithic days... when one caveman dragged home a fresh beast for another caveman. It's *terribly* romantic!"_

_You hold up the drunk man, who is coming to and groaning. "Dafuq?" he mumbles._

_"Hello," I say cheerily, then launch myself at the man's neck. He doesn't even fight back, just grunts and passes out._

_I sink my teeth into his skin, and drink greedily. And it's not less exciting because I didn't hunt him... it's even more exciting because my Tiger did this for me..._

_I watch you as I drink, my eyes gleaming, my hand curled around yours._

 

 

Your eyes light up when I carry the guy into view. I feel an immense sense of pride - I hunted you food, my love. Yes, it couldn't be more primal...

I am standing next to you as you drink, seeing the blood rush into your mouth, seeing your strong hand hold up the man like he weighs nothing, slightly away from you so his blood doesn't stain your clothes. Your other hand holds mine, stroking it. I have never been so close as you drink someone - and again, I get a sense of excitement, slight envy - I wish you were drinking _me_ \- and also - an urge to drink the blood myself? That must be the vampire blood I drank... I can't think I've ever felt that urge before, apart from when drinking _yours_ , which is entirely different - smells different -

Yes, that's something. The blood has a distinct smell. I know what blood smells like, of course, but before it was just - blood. Slightly metallic, usually stimulating adrenaline production because whether it's mine or someone else's, blood means there's a situation that demands alertness. Now it smells - distinct. This is _this man's_ blood, and it's as unique as his face. I can smell the alcohol in it, the cold he had two weeks ago, his diet which is too rich in protein and too light in fruit. And the life. It's life and it's flowing from him into you.

 

 

_As I drink my fill of blood, making a pleased sound in my throat, I watch you the entire time. You seem fascinated. I'm so relieved that not only it doesn't horrify you as I'd feared, but you seem... intrigued. Excited yes, now that you've had the experience of drinking from me and having me drink from you. But also... the way your eyes stray occasionally from mine to the blood flowing past my lips... Oh. *Oh*. You're curious about drinking somebody else's blood? Oh no, Sebastian... I mustn't let you get too carried away by this... You're beautifully full of life, and that's how you'll stay._

_I finish drinking, and the man breathes his last and sinks down the brick wall and to the ground._

_"Darling..." I purr, and press against you. "That was the loveliest dining experience I've had... no one has ever taken me out to dinner before."_

 

 

"Shocking!" I exclaim in a whisper. "You're such a delightful dinner companion. Witty conversation, impeccable table manners, charming to the hostess, doesn't steal the silverware..."

You poke your tongue out at me, which is such an incongruously silly gesture with the blood on your lips and fangs that I burst out laughing.

You send a text, wipe your mouth, take a mirror out of your pocket to check yourself, adjust your hair.

"You look gorgeous, my peacock. Shall we go to the hotel and get dressed?" I suggest.

 

 

_"Whoever heard of a killer peacock?" I sniff, then smile at you. "Oh, let's!" I exclaim, and take your arm._

_We stroll to the hotel, poking each other, giggling and whispering. We really are like two adolescents in love. And happy to be._

_At the hotel, I insist on getting ready apart from you, so you'll see the finished product. I stay in the bedroom, you are banished to the sitting area of the suite. You keep threatening to walk in on me, and I threaten to drain you dry if you peek. I smooth out my impeccable suit, and put the finishing touches on my hair, before opening the door grandly. I strike a pose for you, leaning against the door with my chin up and a murderous smile._

_"Well?" I say silkily._

 

 

You have the big mirror, I am having to use the bathroom mirror which only shows me from the midriff upwards. I know my suit looks good though - it's a good one; probably not a par on what you've packed, but I do look good in it. It doesn't take me long to get dressed - I don't know _what_ you're doing in there. How hard is it to pull on clothes?

Finally the door opens and you strut out.

My mouth falls open.

Oh god -

You are -

 _Breathtaking_.

Literally - I can't breathe -

"Jim -"

Oh god -

Will they really let me marry you? Won't they say you are too beautiful and they can't let it happen, have to take you to some special place to protect your beauty from being sullied by mortals' gaze?

 

 

_My eyes sweep over you. Oh. Tiger._

_I *knew* you'd clean up beautifully... Not only are you gorgeous and have the body of a god... but you have that aristocratic training to dress well since you could walk. Your suit is simple and elegant, and ohhh do you fill it out impressively... So much so that I can't wait to get you out of it..._

_And the most important thing of all is the way you're looking at me... drinking me in with your eyes, and looking very much like you're thinking of yanking my suit off me and taking me against the wall._

_"Now now, Sebastian..." I purr, stepping towards you. "After the ceremony, darling..."_

 

 

"God - Jim -"

I carefully reach out a hand, touch your shoulder, afraid you'll disappear into a puff of smoke any moment. I should have brought sunglasses - how will I be able to keep from jumping you when you look like that?

" _FUCK_ you look hot..."

 

 

_"All the better to ensnare you with, my dear..." I say with a wicked smile. I take your hand from my shoulder, breathe in your scent, and press a kiss to your wrist. "I trust you're alright with my diabolical intentions?" I say innocently._

 

 

"Oh... _god_..."

I swear my knees go weak. My knees _actually_ go weak. I thought that was a figure of speech. My cock stirs - yes, I know. Yes, we do want to jump him, but we are saving ourselves until after marriage. Trust me. It's going to be good.

"I would be disappointed if your intentions were anything less... my love," I breathe. "I can't wait to feel the demonic side of Richard Brook... again."

 

 

_I feel myself moving closer to you as if in a trance, then pull back. I shake my head ruefully, and let go of your wrist._

_"Oh... we should go *now*, Sebbie..." I say, staring up at you through my eyelashes. "I just fed and I didn't fuck you. The demonic side of Richard Brook can't be caged for much longer... " I laugh softly, and incline my head towards the exit._

_"Follow the vampire," I whisper, and walk to the door._

 

 

Like I could do _anything_ else - like I could _not_ follow this vision of a man in a tailored suit that shows off your physique _so perfectly_ -

God - I'm going to get married -

I look at my face in the mirror in the lift - I better start looking a bit less dazed or they're going to think you drugged me.

I check the little briefcase - licence, passports, rings -

Oh god we're really going to do this –

 

 

_I watch you check that everything is in place._

_"Don't worry, my lovely Tiger - I made sure we had everything before we left the room," I say, smiling at you fondly._

_I look at the walls of the lift. "If only you had a marker. You could write 'Sebastian and Richard 4eva' here, too."_

_I sigh. "I suppose I'll have to make do with the engraving on the most beautiful ring I've ever seen..."_

_Then I turn and push you into the wall hard. "Kiss me, my Sebastian..." I say breathily, plastering myself against you._

 

 

No, no, no Jim... I'm going to ravish you against the wall of this lift and then you'll look dishevelled in the wedding pictures and you'll never forgive me...

But how could I not...

I open my mouth, giving access to your insistent tongue, feel it sliding against mine, your lips, your hands on my sides, my back, pushing me against you, my hands on your back, holding you so close, heaven in your kiss, knees going weak again, and the faint sound of a ding, a cheer and applause going up somewhere in the background...

 

 

_Irritated, I look around - why the fuck are there *people* here? Ohh, yes. We're in a lift. And now making our way through the lobby. And you have the cutest goofy grin on your face, and are you blushing? Awww..._

_I take your hand firmly and lead you away from the admiring crowd - yes yes, we're stunning... feast your eyes on what you can never have. Show's over!_

_But I look up at you with a sly smile, as we near the door. "So sweet.. everyone thinks we're a*dorrr*able," I purr. "Shall we make it official, my love?"_

 

 

"Let's," I grin. I turn to the lobby, where some people are still looking at us, and raise your hand in mine. "We're off to get married!" I shout.

What the fuck? That's so unlike me, drawing attention to myself like this. You just make me so giddy... and so proud...

Lots of drunken cheers and congratulations, and one girl staggers over to hug us.

I grin at you as we walk through the door, point to the limo waiting for us. "Our ride, my love..."

 

 

_You are just getting cuter and cuter - you look downright boyish and gleeful when you shout our good news at the drunken crowd... garnering us applause, and hugs from one girl whose scent I can't help but breathe in when she falls drunkenly against me. But I've already dined, and we're on our way to get married!! So the plastered young lady is safe for now..._

_You lead the way to the limo, and we settle into the back seat. You busy yourself popping a champagne bottle for us, and then pouring the fizzing liquid into crystal flutes. The limo steers down the wide streets bustling with tipsy tourists._

_"Vegas was a great choice... maybe we should go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras..." I muse. "Drunken people spilling into the streets..."_

_I press against you and whisper, "A veritable feast for the bloodthirsty creatures who walk among us..."_

_My lips curl into a smile. "But we'll have to come back here for a future anniversary, Tiger..." I purr, and take a champagne flute from you._

 

 

"Doesn't Poppy Z. Brite write vampire stories in New Orleans? I think I have one of her books..."

You look at me nonplussed. Oh yeah. Not a big fiction fan.

"You watch out with all your drunken people - don't want an alcoholic vampire..." I grin, then take a sip of my champagne and kiss you, letting you drink it from my lips. It's a good one - I specifically asked for an expensive champagne with the limo. God, I'm turning into my dad...

No, fuck that. It's my wedding day. I'm marrying the most fabulous man in existence. I can splurge for this one day. I'm fine with not spending unrequited money on myself, but you - you deserve all the luxury money can buy, and then some.

We drive across Vegas to the chapel. It all looks so unreal - like the setting of some absurd film I've stumbled onto. It's hard to realize that it's _real_ , I'm _here_ , I'm part of it, and this is happening. But I want to - I don't want to miss a moment...

I kiss your palm, your wrist, stare into your eyes. They're gleaming. You look so happy. Because of me. I'm making you happy.

 

 

_God... I feel myself growing more and more entranced by you... Is this right? Is this what love is?_

_And aren't vampires supposed to be the mesmerizing ones??_

_I can't stop touching you, staring at you... my beautiful Tiger who I adore..._

_and soon we'll be wed, and you'll be mine forever, and fucking hell, I have to be mindful of not turning into a sappy soft-headed fool._

_Don't I?_

_Fuck it. I can have one sappy day. I can't wait to be married, and have our wedding night, and drink deep of your delicious blood and fuck you senseless..._

_OK... Still a creature of darkness, then..._

_I shiver with delight._

 

 

Little touches, little kisses, little sweet words... I had forgotten what it's like to be in love... how all-consuming it is, like the most powerful drug in existence, how the other person becomes your total obsession, your addiction, how you live for a word, a glance, a smile...

And then going into a fucking limo with this person, to get _married_ , and seeing them smile and happy because they are getting married to you...

I never expected that there would be a high so intense in the world. It's something you can't chase, can't strive for; it can only befall you, and if it does, you can only go with the flow of the best trip ever and enjoy the fuck out of it.

We stop in front of a building which has 'Wedding Chapel' in bright lights above the canopy. "Here we are, folks," the driver says. "I'll be right here to pick you up when you get out, with some more champagne. You have a great time!"

He gets out to open my door, then we walk round and he lets me open the door for you. There's a red carpet rolled out, and Super Psycho Love is playing. A man with a typical American beaming smile comes towards us. "Richard and Sebastian?" he asks. I nod. "Welcome! So glad to have you here! My name is Geoff," he shakes our hands. "Sebastian," I introduce myself, and "Richard," you smile.

"After you," he gestures, and hand in hand we walk along the red carpet, into the building, where gaudy signs point 'Richard and Sebastian' to the garden.

It's tacky but charming - cedars and white pillars all lit up with fairy lights, white ornate lamp posts lighting the path to a little gazebo where two people are waiting for us - the witnesses, I assume. A young chap in a tuxedo comes up to us and asks for the licence and rings, which we hand to him, then we walk to the gazebo. Simon Curtis is still playing.

 

 

_When I see the wedding chapel looming in front of us, my non-beating heart feels like it's jumped into my throat. And when I hear the song playing, I swear I can feel it flutter._

_Then a gentleman calls out to us, and it's so jarring to hear our names on someone's lips - I'm used to us being in our own little world. But now we're out in the world together, and it's unbelievably surreal..._

_the fairy lights... the lamp posts..._

_our *wedding*??_

_You hand off the license and rings, and suddenly we're on a collision course with a gazebo where an officiant and two witnesses are waiting for us - *us*..._

_I clutch your arm. "Holy fuck," I whisper. "This is happening. Sebastian, it's *happening*..."_

 

 

The music softens and dies down. The guy in the tuxedo comes up with a white satin pillow holding our rings, little stickers stating R and S next to them, and places it on a stand next to us.

“Dearly beloved,” Geoff starts.

“We are gathered here today to witness the joining of Sebastian Patrick Moran and Richard Aidan Brook in marriage.

In the time that they have spent together, they have seen their love and understanding of each other grow and blossom, and now they have decided to spend the rest of their lives as one.”

We’re holding each other’s hands, looking into each other eyes, as Geoff’s words pour over us - fucking hell. This is real. Not some fun fantasy that we talk about. There’s an actual officiant saying the actual words in an actual wedding chapel, tacky as it may be.

 

 

 _We're staring at each other in shock - I'm glad I'm not the only one. A sliver of panic slices through me just for a moment, and then - Freddie Mercury is there with us, his beautiful voice pouring through the garden_.

 

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

 

_The world stands still for a moment, and then the song continues._

_And I remember what it was like - my entire life lived, so dreadfully alone._

_And now I'm not. So simple, yet it's everything. This is the face I want to see when I wake up and when I go to sleep. These are the eyes I want looking at me, blue like a windswept sea and filled with love._

 

_Geoff continues, "Marriage is one of the most beautiful and most challenging adventures of a lifetime. No ceremony can create a marriage; only partners can - through patience and dedication; through perseverance and forgiveness; through tenderness and devotion; through choosing to love every day, through good and bad, and re-falling in love over and over again. With this ceremony we witness and celebrate the choice you make to unite as lifemates and partners._

 

_Sebastian, do you take Richard to be your husband?_

 

_Do you promise to love, honour, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?"_

 

 

“I do.”

 

 

_My heart leaps, and my eyes widen. God... seeing it in a film and living it are entirely different experiences. This is *real*, I'm getting married, and it's to the most beautiful man I've ever seen..._

 

_"Richard, do you take Sebastian to be your husband?"_

 

_Do you promise to love, honour, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?"_

 

_"I do."_

 

 

Oh god. Oh god he said yes.

I don’t think I’ve ever smiled so broadly. My cheeks are hurting.

“Richard and Sebastian will now exchange rings as a symbol of love and commitment to each other. Rings are a precious metal; they are also made precious by you wearing them. Your wedding rings are special; they enhance who you are. They mark the beginning of your long journey together. Your wedding ring is a circle - a symbol of love never ending. It is the seal of the vows you have just taken to love each other without end.

 

Richard, please place the ring on Sebastian’s left hand and repeat after me:

“With this ring, I marry you and join my life with yours.”

 

 

_Placing the ring on your finger feels... *intimate*._

_Like the people around us have disappeared, leaving only us._

_Holding your hand and sliding the ring slowly up, I lift my eyes to yours and say, "With this ring… I marry you and join my life with yours..."_

_Oh my god, it's happening, Sebastian this is really happening...!_

 

 

“Accept this ring as a sign of my love…”

“Accept this ring as a sign of my love…”

You are absolutely gleaming. Each and every one of the fairy lights is reflected in the darkness of your eyes and they look like small universes that I could get lost in forever.

“… and faithfulness for all the years to come.”

“… and faithfulness for all the years to come.”

The ring is in place on my finger. I am yours. Your husband.

Geoff repeats the words for me, and I say them, as I slide your ring onto your left hand, staring at the twin universes harbouring my future.

Geoff’s deep voice continues. “In this ceremony, Richard and Sebastian have vowed, in our presence, to be loyal and loving towards each other.

They have formalized the existence of the bond between them with words spoken and with the giving and receiving of rings.

Therefore, it is my pleasure to now pronounce them lawfully wedded husbands.

You may now kiss the groom.”

 

 

_My eyebrows lift, and I look at you in a daze._

_But - who may now kiss whom? Should we have discussed this ahead of time?_

_Oh, just... kiss the groom, Richard -_

_Richard *Moran*..._

_I find myself moving slowly towards you, sliding my hands up your chest to your face._

_I tilt my face up to yours, and my eyes half close._

_Then your face moves down to mine, and you're reaching for me._

_And as much as I've *loved* kissing you up to this point, nothing can compare with the utter thrill of kissing my husband Sebastian._

 

 

Lawful. Well, that’s a first.

Wedded.

Husbands.

We’re husbands. I have a husband. I am a husband.

And my husband is floating towards me, his face approaching mine, looking so beautiful, so enchanting, so enchanted... and our lips touch - and our lips touch.

The witnesses cheer and I believe confetti comes down around us and all I am aware of is cool lips on mine, hands on my side, a smooth jacket under my fingers, and my heart beating harder than it ever has.

 

 

_I'm gazing up at you and I don't want to break eye contact with you._

_Jesus, I've never felt like I was in such a *trance*..._

_"Hi... husband," I whisper._

_*Fuck*... good thing there's a car waiting for us. I'd be liable to fall over into the street - and I have vampire reflexes._

 

_"Congratulations, Sebastian and Richard Moran!" Geoff beams at us. "May you have a wonderful life together! Now we'll just need your signatures and then we can take some photos for you and have champagne!"_

 

_More champagne... god, I'm already half-drunk on you - you're going to have to carry me up to the room._

 

 

_Sebastian and Richard Moran..._

"Richard Moran..." I whisper to you.

Do I really have to let you go to sign a document and drink champagne? Geoff is holding out the folder with the certificate quite insistently, so I think I do... but I see the beauty of the desert sky with its thousands of stars in your eyes... and I want to stay here forever...

Geoff is now coughing discreetly. Oh, alright then...

We sign our names, drink champagne with the witnesses whose names I immediately forget, and have our picture taken in the gazebo and in the garden.

"We have your names out in lights at the front, would you like to have your picture taken there as well?" the photographer asks.

"Yes... sounds good..." I say, half-dazed, take your hand.

 

 

_It appears you're in as much of a daze as I am - good. I can't say how much of a relief this is..._

_I grasp your hand firmly in mine, and smile at you._

_And then music is filling the space - When I told you I would choose the third song, I'm certain you thought I would select some trashy pop song that I'd enjoy flouncing out to... and you were totally willing to indulge me, my sweet... *husband*((!!!)... so instead I chose something for you. I deduced what you might have been listening to at that time in your life, that would be significant for both of us. Smashing Pumpkins might not be my style of music *per se*... but the song is lush and beautiful and romantic, and if the theme isn't perfect for us, I don't know what is..._

 

Disarm you with a smile

And cut you like you want me to

Cut that little child

Inside of me and such a part of you

Ooh, the years burn

Ooh, the years burn

 

_As I see your eyes light up, I know I made the right choice. And oh my goodness, are those tears in my eyes?_

_I shake my head a little, laughing. And we begin to walk, our first steps together in marriage._

 

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my choice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

 

_I beam at you - both of us look like we're tipsy and strolling through clouds of opium. Occasionally one of us stumbles a little, and the other holds him up - god - if we can stay upright on the way to the limo and not land in an ungainly heap, I'll be very impressed..._

 

_"Don't tell anyone this... Richard Moran is a giddy, love-drunk vampire," I whisper to you over the music, and lean my head dreamily against your shoulder as we walk._

 

 

Oh - no sweetheart, no tears in front of the mortals -

I take out my red pocket handkerchief and dab your eyes. You smile at me, such a sweet, dazzling, innocent smile, that _I_ get tears in my eyes, and then _your_ handkerchief comes out, and good grief, here we are, a vampire and an assassin, the two soppiest teenagers in Vegas.

 

_The killer in me is the killer in you_

_Send this smile over to you_

_The killer in me is the killer in you_

_Send this smile over to you_

 

We pose under the canopy with neon lights above it declaring that Richard and Sebastian are Just Married! "Smile," the photographer says - a useless instruction; you couldn't get these grins off our faces. We are staring at each other, hands in hands, beaming.

The limo drives up and the photographer takes a final picture of me helping you into the back seat. The young guy in the tuxedo hands us our briefcase, saying that everything is in there, and to have a lovely night. I hand him $400, for him, Geoff, and the witnesses, give the photographer $100. They look even happier for us than they already were.

Then I get into the car, the driver closes the door, gets in himself, and we're off. Driving through Vegas.

Married.

I take your left hand, put my own on top of it, look at our rings.

 

 

_The limo whisks us through the streets, still teeming with people. And I watch from the back with my new husband, clutching his hand..._

_Is this actually happening to us?? I think, stunned. Surely this is the kind of thing that happens to *other people*... normal, good people of the non-criminal, non-killer, non-vampire variety..._

_But it *did* happen for us, and we have the photographs and legal documentation to prove it!_

_And the rings... the beautiful, shining rings. I notice you staring at them, and nudge you._

_"They are beautiful, aren't they?" I murmur._

 

 

"You are beautiful," I give the most saccharine cliché answer I could imagine, and it is so heartfelt and genuine and I love you... fuck...

Husband.

We actually did this.

It's happened.

It went so quick, like in a daze, and now I start to actually feel nervous... bit late, Seb...

I raise your hand, kiss your ring.

"We did it... we actually went and did it..." I burst into giggles.

 

 

_"God, I know - what are we - unsupervised children?" I exclaim, and start to giggle uncontrollably._

_"H-how were we allowed to do something - s-so - r-ridiculous??" I howl with laughter, falling against you._

 

 

"I _know_ ," I howl. This must be nerves... I carefully compose myself, pull you close. "No. Fucking. Regrets, Richard. That was - amazing. And I can't wait for the wedding night... fortunately, I won't have to..."

Your eyes are completely black in the back of the car. I look into them, see them get closer, then close slowly as you raise your head up and your lips touch mine... again...

 

 

_My grip tightens on your lapels as we kiss, and I pull you closer._

_Don't crumple the beautiful suit, I chide myself. Get to the hotel, and get him out of it..._

_I find myself climbing onto your lap, straddling you, and kissing you possessively._

_"Sebastian," I whisper. "My Sebastian..."_

 

 

“Yours... oh god, yours...” I pant, desperate to feel your hands on me, your mouth... your whip, your fangs - god -

I pull you closer, breathing in the scent of your neck as I kiss you -

The limo slows down.

“We’re here, gentlemen,” the driver tells us cheerfully.

Thank god. I am this close to tearing off your clothes.

You get off my lap with a smouldering look, I grab the briefcase and head out the door that the driver opens, then walk round and open yours. Those few seconds away from you are wrong - I must be touching you, always...

I help you out, push a $100 bill at the driver, who thanks us and wishes us a wonderful life together as we head into the hotel. The lobby is quiet, a lift waiting ready to take us up, and we kiss and embrace and moan and pull at each other’s ties before it dings on our floor. Eighteen feet to our door. Key card bleeps. I push the door open, the card in its slot, lights come on, you are in, the door closes –

 

 

_What is it about cars and lifts... that short time in a private little space, wrapped up in each other, knowing it will soon end..._

_when we leave the lift, I am dizzy with desire for you and my only focus is getting into the hotel room._

_When we're in, my only focus is getting you out of your clothes._

_I reach for you, and kiss you, yanking at fabric._

_Blazer off._

_The next thing I know I'm pushing you across the room and then against the wall._

_Tie off._

_You kiss my neck, and I feel my knees weaken._

_We start sliding down the wall towards the floor, kissing and pulling at clothes._

 

 

Careful Seb, careful... that suit probably costs more than you earn in a month... and assassination is not a low-paid job.

"Too many layers..." I pant as I unbutton your shirt to reveal an undershirt. Oh god Jim - Richard...

"I want you god I want you..." I whine, like that is going to make the clothes disappear.

Concentrate soldier. You can disassemble a rifle in 18 seconds, you can disassemble a suit. Button. Button. Button. Shirt over head - shit, cuff links. Cuff links gone - shirt gone - undershirt is probably also designer, knowing you, but may be actually affordable. I don't care - I put my hands on the collar and tear it in two.

Finally - your chest... so cool, so smooth, so pale, like immaculate marble... your back...

I press my lips to your neck. Your deft fingers have managed to open my shirt and we are chest to chest... beating heart to silent one...

 

 

_God, your frustration is *intoxicating*... you want me so much, and I want you naked against me, too..._

_and then you tear my undershirt off me..._

_God... Sebastian... *yes*..._

_your skin on mine..._

_I need it *all*. I pull your shirt off -_

_Pull you against me, lips on yours..._

_drinking you in..._

_"Tiger," I breathe, and run my fingers along your waistband._

_Trousers off..._

 

 

Trousers off. Pants off. Your trousers and pants and socks and shoes and mine and _finally_ there is the most beautiful man in the world naked before me and if I weren't on the floor already I'd fall to my knees. "Jim -" I manage to breathe before our mouths clash and hands are grasping and you're on my lap and I feel your nakedness and oh god I've never wanted anything more in my life -

"When we - were in my apartment," I gasp. "You said - what you want to do to me there's no time for. Please - please do it to me tonight. Everything you want. Everything you can think of. I want to feel you - I want to feel I'm _yours_. Please -"

 

 

_"Darling, I will..." I murmur, kissing your lips. "You *are* mine, and I'll remind you of that fact over and over again... I want to hear you begging, pleading for it... But I also want you *now*..." I push your hands down into the carpet. "Right now..." I growl softly, nudging your head aside with mine, and kissing your throat._

 

 

"Anything... anything, Jim - do you want to drink me while you fuck me?"

 

 

_I almost moan at the question._

_Instead, I lick your throat slowly. "Would you like me to, Sebastian?" I ask in a low voice._

_My hands tighten on your wrists._

 

 

"Yes... god, yes..." I want you to fuck me, I need you to drink me, and vice versa... Jim, oh god Jim...

Your hands on my wrists, the knowledge that I couldn't fight you off if I wanted to, the feeling of release, of surrender... anticipation of your cock inside me, your fangs in my neck, the feeling when you drink my blood... I'm nearly delirious with desire.

 

 

_I raise my head to look at you. "Get the lube, Sebastian," I say softly, and release your wrists. "Inside pocket of my jacket." I say with a sly smile._

_You reach over to where you tossed my very expensive very beautiful jacket (and yes, you'll be punished for this - later) and fumble for the small tube._

_You hand it to me, and I pop the cap with my thumb._

_I gaze down at you while I hoist your legs onto my shoulders and prepare us both - my beautiful man, now my *husband*... the enormity of the moment almost overwhelms me, and my fingers begin to tremble. But then I remember who I am, and what you need from me..._

_I toss the tube aside, and position myself at your opening._

_"This is the beginning, Tiger" I whisper. "Just the beginning..."_

 


	19. You Really Got Me

 

Yeah, you really got me now  
You got me so I don't know what I'm doin' now  
Oh yeah, you really got me now  
You got me so I can't sleep at night

 

You really got me  
You really got me  
You really got me

 

 

_I brace myself against your shoulders, press myself into you, close my eyes, push, and I'm *in*._

_Inside you, lost in you..._

_"The killer in me is the killer in you..." I whisper, and open my eyes._

_Lost in the blue oceans of your eyes, in your smile..._

_I touch your face, and begin to move..._

 

 

You carried lube with you to our wedding? When did you think -

Memories of shags in the backs of cars come up. Oh. alright...

Your fingers on me, inside me, my cock already ready to burst, my heart dying for you - I need to feel you... my hands reaching down, needing to touch -

And there you are, onto me, _inside_ me... I gasp. Your words, echoing our exit song, so significant... we are both killers, and society would remove us as undesirable, terrified of who we are, but we are human... well, kind of... and we are love, too...

Your hand touches my face and your eyes are so full of emotion I could cry.

“Jim... my love... my life... god...”

Feeling you inside me, fill me, physically as well as emotionally, is overwhelming. I’ve never felt so _much_...

 

 

_If my heart was alive, it would be pounding as I look down at you, as I thrust into you._

_The sensation of being buried in you... the sweet burn of friction as the pace increases... the intoxicating sound of grunts and groans, the slap of flesh on flesh..._

_oh god, it's so overwhelming, so delicious, I'm afraid my heart will burst, alive or no -_

_I don't think I can last much longer; I just need to claim you... mark my territory..._

_ah... yesss... my fangs descend, and I eye the pulse of your throat for a heady moment before I lunge. A growl unleashes from my throat before I sink my teeth into yours._

_Oh my love..._

_your lifeblood pours into me, and a deep sound of pleasure rumbles in my throat._

_Fuck... god... Sebastian... yes..._

 

 

You fucking me is so fucking amazing... Marital sex is the best sex _ever_. They keep that quiet...

And there you are, leaning over me, fangs descending... I never knew I had a fang fetish, but it's making me moan with desire and anticipation. I lean my head back, baring my neck for you.

A growl that makes me shiver... and then a sharp pain as your fangs pierce my flesh. Oh - god - I shudder with pleasure, feel my blood rush up to meet you. My cock is trembling, one touch and it will explode.

 

 

_I slow down, mindful of not taking too much. Then I reach down and start to stroke you. Your shuddering and groaning is almost as sweet as the drops of blood slowly streaming across my tongue... I moan with pleasure as I pound you and then I howl as come hard..._

_Oh my *beautiful Tiger*..._

 

 

I whine as you stop drinking - I want you to continue, it feels so. incredibly. good...

But then your hand is on my cock and I shudder uncontrollably - oh god Jim -

And then I feel you growing and speeding up and coming inside me - and an earth-shattering orgasm pounds its way through me, _endless_ and _stretched_ and _vibrating_ and _indescribable_...

" _JIM_..."

 

 

_I collapse against you - but you're solid weight and hard muscles, so I'm not too concerned._

_I just lie there, sweetly sticky - but your position can't be too comfortable, so I slide out of you and ease your legs down. Then I flop back onto you, enjoying your wry *oof* as I do. Your arms circle me, and I rest on you, listening to you breathe, enjoying the feeling of rising and falling with your chest._

 

 

I feel empty when you pull out of me... but then you collapse on top of me, and that's good, that's _good_... I hold you, stroking you gently, as my rapid breaths slowly normalize. It's still a bit odd to not be able to see that same effect on you - here's me out of breath and you're just - normal. I wonder if your muscles get affected by exercise? How do they function anyway, without oxygen?

I don't think I'll ever find out... I doubt you're going to want to get a laboratory to experiment on you.

I kiss the top of your head.

"Wow. Richard Moran is the best lover _ever_..."

 

 

_“Mmm... so is Sebastian Moran. He’s my *husband*,” I say archly. “And I’ll thank you not to try and turn my head with your flattery - I’m completely devoted to him.” I lay my head back down on your chest and giggle madly._

 

 

"I'd hope so... But I've heard he's a dangerous killer," I smile. "Aren't you afraid of such a scary man?"

 

 

_I laugh low in my throat. “Oh, *yes*. But that’s what makes it so exciting...” I confide. “That he’s a black-hearted *killer* with no remorse. Oh! It sends shivers up and down my spine...” I wriggle against you. “Such delicious shivers...” I murmur._

 

 

I feel a bead of blood trickle down my neck and move my hand to catch it before it stains the expensive cream carpet. You see my movement and move your mouth up, licking the blood up, kissing the punctures in my neck, making me shiver.

"That was - fuck, that was - wow," I show off my Oxford education.

 

 

_"Do you feel alright, my love?" I fret. "The blood you drank yesterday will have given you speedy healing and strength for several days. But if you feel weak, you can have some more... or... you can wait until things get sexed up again, if you like..." I murmur, running my fingers through your hair, and lightly tonguing your wound._

 

 

"I've never felt better," I beam. I will know if I'm light-headed when I stand up, but there's no way I'm standing up quite yet.

Your tongue in my wounds feels delicious, like they're sort of new erogenous zones... it gives me goosebumps.

 

 

_"And do you need any steak or ribs or roast beef?" I whisper in your ear. "My beautiful husband needs to keep his strength up..." I raise my head and look at you in surprise. "Oh! We got *married*," I inform you. "While it was happening, it felt like a bit of a dream..."_

 

 

"I am fine, my sweet caring husband," I smile. "Shall we lie on the bed? I believe it's considered traditional in civilized societies..."

I get up, swooping you in my arms and putting you onto the bed. "No headrush, so I'm sure I'm alright," I smile.

"Champagne, my beloved?"

 

 

_I laugh with delight as you scoop me up and place me in bed gently. "I've never had so much champagne in my life - but if this isn't a special bloody occasion, I'm sure I don't know what is. Yes! More champagne!" I smile up at you. "Until we pass out, or dawn breaks - whichever comes first..."_

 

 

"Dawn's a long way away... and this night is far from over, my dear husband," I smile, as I get a champagne bottle out of the fridge and pop it, pour two flutes, then put it in a cooler bucket.

I hand you your glass, then sit on the bed next to you. "Cheers, Richard Moran. To - our life together."

 

 

_"Cheers, my darling husband," I say, glowing. Every time I say the word, I like it even more..._

_I take a sip. "Richard Moran... that will take some getting used to. But Richard *Brook* - definitely feels of the past," I say in awe. "How does so much change in such a short period of time? I always thought weddings were ridiculous drivel... but it was - so *beautiful*. Even in a gay Vegas chapel... I'll never forget it, Sebastian... it's been - the best night of my life."_

 

 

Oh-

Your face gets blurry. Damn. I have managed to keep it together so well.

I reach out, stroke your soft hair, your smooth temple, your short stubble. "It's been the best night of mine as well. And - I have the feeling it's but the first of many. I can't believe how privileged I am to be allowed to spend every night with you..."

 

 

_"I know," I say in a hushed tone. "I just keep thinking back to our first night. And the thought of being with you only one night felt like a *tragedy*... I felt so sad. If I had known then that we would find a way to be together..." I shake my head. "I would have been in shock to discover we married less than a week later, but it would have made me *so happy*." I take your hand, and squeeze it. "I meant every word, Sebastian. I wanted it to be you... from the first moment I saw you."_

 

 

I think back to that night - it seems so long ago...

"I so wanted to stay with you... I was so confused...

oh! With all that happened then - those terrible two days... I forgot to tell you - when I was on the loo, I - googled vampires. Because I was so confused about what was going on. And I found this article, a recent one, of a girl claiming her friend was killed by a vampire. And there was a comment that said that something similar had happened to that person, but when I clicked on that, the entire article disappeared, and I couldn't find it back on Google.

So - is that a thing that - the powerful vampires do? Remove articles from the internet to disguise their existence?"

 

 

_I scoff. “Oh they do that and more... how do you think vampires haven’t been officially discovered by humankind? Because they’re *survivors*... and they are nothing if not resourceful. I actually was impressed, but... the politics were wearisome. And I don’t respond well to hierarchy... I insist on being top of the food chain, and they didn’t like that,” I give you a horrified look. “Can you imagine?”_

 

 

“I think you respond to hierarchy entirely appropriately,” I grin. “You see a hierarchy, you want to be on top. Sounds like the proper and natural way of the world to me...”

I think back. “But - yeah, that first night... I was so confused... I was so madly in love, though I’d promised myself never to do that... and it hurt and I felt like I was a traitor and then we got into an argument about whose stupid rules meant that we couldn’t be together... and that was all _without_ looking at the fact that you are a vampire and I’m a human...”

I chuckle. “What a mess... but I’d like to say that we came out quite well.”

 

 

_“Well, sometimes mess can be *wonderful*, can’t it darling?” I throw my arms around you. “I don’t care what happens and what we may argue about! We must promise each other that we will always remember *this day*, *this moment*... and always come back to this...” I place my hand on your heart. “Promise...” I whisper._

 

 

This... sounds an awful lot like what I said... a few days ago? When I suggested we promise not to walk out on each other - or at least always to come back.

We’re both scared, it seems... scared that this is too good to be true, that it will end, that the other person is bound to... come to his senses or something... and we’re trying to protect ourselves with promises and vows... because this is... so infinitely precious...

“I promise, my love. My husband. I will never forget this day as long as I...”

Oh.

“... live.”

 

 

_I’m glowing as you make your promise, smiling down at your hand on mine, your ring gleaming against mine. I’m opening my mouth to return the promise when - oh._

_My smile falters, and I glance up at you._

_Well._

_Yes._

_But this is no time to dwell on that..._

_I gaze into your eyes. “And neither will I, my darling. I promise, Tiger... for always...”_

 

 

Oh god don’t think about... don’t. Not now. Not on your wedding night.

_Jim standing weeping over my grave remembering this night, saying ‘I’ve never forgotten, Tiger...’_

NO.

I smile at you, sip some more champagne.

 

 

_Something flashes in your eyes. Sorrow. Pain._

_God... I can’t do anything to make this better. Why couldn’t we have met before I was turned? Grief rises up in me... but then... I was far more cruel before I died... We most certainly would *not* have fallen in love and got married in a week. And I wouldn’t give this up for anything... what is the empty life of a vicious psychopath worth... especially compared to a vampire madly in love?_

 

 

“You looked so beautiful tonight... I mean, you always look beautiful, but... I was literally breathless when you walked into the room. And then when we were in the ceremony... it just all went so _quick_... it’s like it passed in a hazy flash... but all I could see were your eyes, and your smile, and your face... you looked so happy... and I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight than you radiant with happiness. I will want to see that face every night of my life. And I will do whatever I can to achieve that.”

I lean over slowly, kiss your lips.

 

 

_I kiss you back sweetly. “You will... we’ll see each other’s faces every day, for always...” I murmur, then sit on your lap. I rest my head against your shoulder, and kiss your neck softly._

 

 

Oh -

Ohhh...

I’ve always enjoyed having my neck kissed, but this... you... it has such an extra dimension now. You kissing my neck could at any moment be a prequel to you biting my neck and drinking my blood and it can’t be sane that that turns me on so much...

But it does. I moan softly, arching my head back.

 

 

_Fuuuuck..._

_“How, my darling?” I whisper against your neck. “Just how am I going to stop myself when you make it *so enticing*? Don’t you know how much I want you all the time... desire your blood *all the time*?”_

_My tongue trails slowly over your throat._

 

 

“I can only imagine... if it’s anything like how much I want you to bite me then it is overwhelming... all-encompassing...”

Is this going to be dangerous? Will we want to go too far? You can lose quite a bit of blood and renew it, and if we’re careful and not drink too much, it should be alright... you are so caring, I trust you... trust you with my life, and more...

 

 

_“Mmm. I promised you more of what you wanted tonight... and that includes more biting... more blood...” I place my hand on your cheek. “If we’re not going to indulge our desires on our wedding night, and on our honeymoon... when are we? But you must tell me, darling... if it’s getting to be too much, if you’re growing weak. And you must be sure to have protein every day, and take supplements...” I gaze into your eyes. “If we’re careful... we’ll have a very delicious, memorable honeymoon, indeed...”_

 

 

“I’m _fine_... oh god Jim I want you to... I so want you to... but maybe you’re right... we should pace ourselves... there are other indulgences we could partake in first maybe... with the blood being the culmination? Sort of... vampiric foreplay?”

I can wait as long as I know it’s going to come...

 

 

_“Inevitable as the dawn, darling...” I whisper. “As soon as you’re ready for more...”_

_Idly, I imagine us both as vampires. You would need less recovery time, I think with amusement - and we could drink from each other indiscriminately without fear of weakening from blood loss. Silly of me, I know. I’m hardly going to bring it up though, even as a tease._

_“Vampiric foreplay sounds *lovely*...” I give you a lopsided grin. I think the giddiness of the day and the champagne is getting to me. “As soon as you’re up for being shackled to something, we can begin.”_

 

 

I gasp at that and feel a pleasant stir in my groin.

“... have you ever known me not to be ready to be shackled to something?” I ask, my voice hoarse.

 

 

_I touch your face with the backs of my fingers, letting them trail down slowly. “Then. Get. Up.” I whisper. “Stand in front of the window. I’ll shackle you to the curtain rod, but you’ll have to be very good and not pull it down. I know you’re very strong, you beast...” I murmur. “But now is not the time for feats of strength, Tiger...”_

 

 

I recall a film where a woman was tied to a window frame and exposed to the city... you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?

I don’t care... whatever you want Jim... I’m so delirious already with the anticipation of being shackled, then whatever you might decide to do next, then having my blood drunk, then maybe getting some more of yours...

I kiss the back of your hand, then get up and grab onto either side of the curtain rod.

 

 

_The decisiveness with which you get into requested position... is just so bloody hot. I rise gracefully, and go rifle through my luggage. I walk over to you with some of my travel gear - a set of restraints, and a snappy snake whip. Rather sweet if wielded gently, but in the right hands, it can be vicious. You wanted me to do whatever I wanted? Well, I want this - you’re going to bleed, and I have a feeling you’re going to love it._

_I move a chair behind you and stand on it to restrain you. Then I hop off, kick the chair over, and press myself against your back._

_“You want to feel you’re *mine*, Tiger?” I ask innocently. I move and bring the riding crop down on your back._

_*Crack*_

 

 

You’re getting some things out of your bag... handcuffs, by the sound of it. Climb up on a chair (aw) and shackle me to the rod - and I feel myself relaxing, mentally, emotionally. Everything is out of my hands now. You have me tied up. Not that I couldn’t physically get loose - but you ordered me not to, and that’s much more of a restriction than these shackles.

You’re hugging me and I relish every inch of you touching me... your words make me shiver... and then there is pain.

I moan.

I’d been longing for it so much... but it hurts... but it is so good... it is you. It is living proof that I’m yours... and I can’t say how incredibly happy that makes me.

 

 

_Your moan is like a sweet balm, and I close my eyes briefly._

_“We’ve got to keep your stripes fresh, my darling...” I purr, and proceed to whip all along your back._

_“I want it to be the first thing people see if your shirt is off. Even before they notice your beautiful body, and those big... hard... muscles...”_

_My eyes drink in your muscles as I whip you, and I lick my lips._

_“You really are stunning to look at... almost as much as me,” I say cheerily. “But these stripes say you’re *mine*...”_

_*crack*_

_“and hands *off*...”_

_*crack*_

_“and of course... *Tiger*”_

_*crack* *crack*_

 

_I step back to appreciate my work._

_“Getting there...” I smile to myself. “Your back is done! Next - making that beautiful arse even more beautiful for me...”_

_I fondle your cheeks, then walk away._

_A moment later, I return with a glass of cool water. I hold it over your head, and let it pour down your back, watching the water stream down over your welts and your arse._

 

 

 _Yours_... oh god yes, yours... this is what I wanted, what I needed...

Ever since you said I want to be owned... that moment in my flat where my life bifurcated, and I ended up on my knees before you...

I wanted to feel it _all_ , your shackles, your pain, your cock, your fangs... each of them serving to bring home the truth that I’m yours. Yours to chain up, yours to whip, yours to fuck, yours to drink...

And it’s the realization of my life’s purpose.

_Really, Sebastian?_

Not _now_. I’m kind of in the middle of something.

I’m in the middle of my back being lashed to ribbons and I couldn’t be happier...

I moan at the strokes, at your words... at the magnificent pain, that no one can dole out like you...

People have whipped and dominated me before, but never like this... never have I felt so completely gone in someone else’s hands... utterly surrendered.

You head out for a moment, get yourself a drink, come back.

I yelp as I feel the cold water sting my weals, my eyes flying open.

What the fuck?!

 

 

_I laugh silently. Oh, darling... you're getting a crash course on what it means to be mine..._

_My fingers move down your wet back, digging into your skin, before moving down to your arse._

_I fondle your cheeks. "Mmm, isn't it refreshing? Also, I think you'll find the sting even more intense, darling! See what you think..."_

_I step back and lash your arse - the sound of the whip on your damp skin is fucking intoxicating..._

 

 

 _Ouch_ -

Fuck, yes - it does feel extra painful -

But I’ve got to that stage where more pain means more pleasure, and I moan with the heady mixture of both.

Jim... god, Jim... my love, my lord, my husband... the feeling of being owned by you is so incredibly intoxicating...

your whip lands again and again and I’m shivering as each blow makes contact, in pain and delight... moaning and gasping as the blessed devilish duality of torture and ecstasy spirals me deeper and higher...

 

 

_I leave and return with another glass of water - this one gets poured over your front. Symmetry is important... and you drenched and gasping is such a beautiful sight... god, your wet, naked body is gorgeous... and all mine to do with what I like... so what would I like?_

_I pull off my shirt, followed by trousers, pants and socks...then I rub against your whipped back with my naked body._

_“I know you must be thinking it... how I could expose you to the city if I wanted...” I purr, and take your jaw in my hand. I turn your face firmly, and pull you down into a kiss._

_“I could,” I whisper, caressing the curtain with my fingers. “Of course I could... you’re mine... all *mine*...” I lick your lips languorously._

_“But I don’t share my belongings, Tiger...” I say severely, before ducking under your arm, popping up in front of you. I trail my hands down your chest, pinching your nipples hard as I move down._

_“But if I wanted to...” I raise an eyebrow. “Do you enjoy being fully at my mercy, my darling?” My hands move slowly down to your pelvis, and suddenly and fiercely, scratch down to your thighs._

 

 

My knees are so weak I find myself clutching the curtain rod for dear life and hoping it’s sturdy...

My cock is rock hard and trembling, I’m panting, my mind is offline.

All I can hear is your voice... the words you speak, sending little thrills of shiver down my back...

_if I wanted_

_mine, all mine..._

Are you going to? Will I be an exhibit in the Vegas night, there to be seen by whoever walks past? The thought is scary... but the fact that I could not escape it if it is what you want is... intoxicating... delicious...

Yours, I am yours...

Your pain on my nipples is sharp and exquisite.

 _fully at my mercy_... god, yes...

Scratches startling me, unexpected...

“God, yes...” I breathe. “Yes, Sir... I am yours, and I adore it... adore you...”

 

 

_I stroke your thighs, digging my fingers into the scratches, gazing intently into your eyes as I do._

_“*Very* good, Tiger...” I say in a velvety voice. “And you are adored, my beautiful husband... my possession... my slave...”_

_I move in closer. “So what *would* the outside world see if I didn’t mind sharing you? That you belong to me... that I do with you as I will... that your body is for my pleasure?” I lift your cock and balls in my hand, staring down. “So beautiful...” I whisper, fondling you. Slowly and gently my fingers squeeze._

_“So... lovely...” I smile up at you._

 

 

 _husband_...

 _possession_...

 _slave_...

The first makes me swell with glee... the second and third with lust and - pride... pride at being _your_ possession, _your_ slave -

Yes, my love, my Jim, my husband, my lord and master... I belong to you, I'm yours, to do with whatever you will. Anything...

You grasp my cock, my balls, and I gasp with pleasure - but then your grip becomes tighter - oh -

Anything, I said...

You wouldn't damage what is yours..?

 

 

_I watch you closely - no protests, but I note a soft, sharp inhale. I hold your balls literally in my hand for a moment longer, then relax my grip._

_“This cock I own is such a magnificent instrument,” I remark, examining it as I lightly lift your hard shaft. “You understand that you’re not to touch it without my permission? Except for cleaning it and having a piss - everything else is my domain... so you’ll come when I allow it.” I continue to look at your cock and stroke it, as if admiring a newly acquired horse. (A very excited, twitchy horse...)_

_Then I drop it. “But it’s not time for that yet...” I say silkily, and seize your nipples in my hands._

_“Sometimes I enjoy using a knife on my possessions,” I say, as if discussing a hobby and my preferred equipment. “But it occurs to me... I already have sharp weapons at my disposal.”_

_My fangs extend down, and I latch onto one nipple._

_Not biting too deep, not with the intent to draw out much blood... just to puncture and cause a delightful searing pinch of pain. I pull on your nipple, and then release it suddenly. I lap up the small beads of blood, then I repeat on the other side..._

_“Oh, Sebastian... you wondered what I would do to show you you’re mine? What I could show the world if I wished to?” I delicately lap at the drops of blood on your nipples._

_I scrape down your skin with my fangs, and admire the shallow lacerations down your torso. “Mmm... how is this feeling, Tiger?” I ask, mesmerized at the marks I’m leaving. Oh, yes... I like this *very* much..._

 

 

Oh? Oh...

 _Fuck, yes,_ I want to say, you own me, you own every part of me, of course you own my cock...

_Really Sebastian? No more quick wanks?_

Apparently not. Not without my husband's permission.

_You could look less ecstatic about it..._

And then -

\- a knife!?

Oh.

Well - of course - if that's what you-

Hold on, what do you mean 'sometimes I enjoy using a knife on my possessions'? How many _possessions_ have you had, exactly?

_Sebastian. That is really not the part of the sentence you should be focussing on. He's going to use a knife on you._

Hm? Oh, yes, that's fine. If he wants to - he wouldn't kill me. If he wants to cut me - I'm his to cut...

But - what possessions!?

I'm hardly in a position to ask at the moment though... and then... oh god - your fang in my nipple, already glowing from the earlier pinch - such acute exquisite pain - oh _fuck_... I moan with the sensation. And then it's repeated, and I have two glowing points of pain on my chest - and a cock and a heart that are bursting...

Damn, dad, you're right. I'm both depraved and mental.

And loving it... _loving_ it...

"Hrhnh..." I purr.

 

 

_“Is that right?” I murmur, and lick at the bloody marks. Then I bite just under your rib, digging into the tender flesh. Drops of blood slowly trickle down. “Rather like Christ our Lord,” I comment. “Oh wait... nothing like that...” I nip your wound, then tongue it languorously._

_I kneel and move down to another tender spot... so many to discover! The spot where your hip meets your pelvis. *Nip, lick*..._

_“You are *delectable*, my beautiful husband...” I whisper, looking up at you with shining eyes as I grasp your muscular thighs. “God, if I ever ran out of food, I’d feast on you for a week,” I say playfully, and wink. Then I bite the other side and lap up the drops of blood, moaning..._

 

 

"You'll never run out of food, Sir..." I pant. "Not with me to hunt for you... not until the last humans have disappeared from earth... I will find them, and I will lay them at your feet..."

I'm delirious, as sharp bite after sharp bite pierces my skin. There is nothing like your fangs... my skin has been pierced by a _lot_ of things, bullets, knives, nails, shrapnel, teeth... most of them not enjoyable, some of them erotic... but never have I felt such sheer ecstasy as at the keen pang of hurt when your fang breaks the skin. Even when you're not drinking, it's such a heady feeling... I moan as you lick the small drops of blood that form, gasp as yet another sensitive spot of skin is found and penetrated.

 

 

_“My sweet predator...” I purr, moving my tongue down your pelvis, towards your thigh. “I want to drink from you like a chalice...” I am drunk on blood, love and biting... I lick delicately at the spot where your artery lies beneath... I want to taste your femoral blood; I will have it... I stand, slashing a spot on my neck. “Drink,” I say sweetly. “You’ll need to heal quickly.”_

_I press my neck into your waiting mouth, and close my eyes..._

 

 

What is that? Oh god your neck - you're _hurt_ -

My hands start to move from the curtain rod, but I manage to stop them - it's ok - he did this himself - he knows what he's doing - it's only a small wound. It's fine.

The smell of your blood is more intoxicating than ever. Idly I wonder if blood tastes better when you're married...

your neck is under my mouth, and the blood tastes so good... so heady... as it goes down a shiver down my spine accompanies it. I suck at your neck - I must be careful, not take too much - but how can I stop anything that tastes _so good_...

Visions dance at the edge of my perception as I drink, of red phoenixes lashing their wings and rising from a dark fire, wolf eyes flashing in the night, moonlight on a ruby, a black cave in a granite mountain... and love... I can taste the love... I never knew love had a taste...

 

 

_Eyes closed, I feel my blood pouring into you. My hands press your head against me, and I moan with pleasure. God, who knew it would feel *so delicious* to have someone drink from me..._

_But you’re not just *someone*... are you..._

_My eyes open._

_You’re my Love..._

_You’re my Life..._

_And it’s not worth the risk to you, just to taste your femoral blood, however luscious that sounds... drinking from your thigh, however - will be erotic beyond belief._

_I pull you from my neck, staring at you. I kiss you deeply, tasting my blood on your lips._

_Then I slowly kiss down your torso, licking at each wound I left. At last, I drop to my knees... part your thighs.. and gently I bite the tender spot where your thigh meets your pelvis..._

_*Nick*_

_*LickLick*_

_Moaning, I begin to suck. My fingers knead your thigh._

_Oh, Sebastian..._

 

 

You pull away and it feels so hard to let go, like I'm cut off from the very elixir of life itself... or elixir of death... but it tastes so good and feels so... intoxicating, heady, delicious... like I'll never want to stop drinking, like I'll lose something if I stop...

You weren't joking about the addictiveness.

Your eyes on me for a moment, then you're going down... move my legs apart - for a moment I feel _very_ vulnerable - but - it's you - whatever you want, Jim -

And then your fangs sink into my thigh and I moan at the delightful pain which shudders through to my crotch and makes me shiver in delight. You start sucking and it feels _so_ good - it's like whenever you bite me you create an instant erogenous zone, and you sucking it makes me groan in bliss.

 

 

_Oh, I like this... I like this very much..._

_each spot that I’ve drunk from has been so divinely delicious in its own way... neck is so intimate... over your heart is so passionate... and from your thigh - unbelievably erotic..._

_I stare up at you, licking at your wound._

_“Mmm... top 3, at least...” I sigh, and move my head to behind your knee. I bite the tender spot, and repeat behind your other knee. Then lifting up your feet, I nip the tender spots next to your ankles... then I do the same to the spots where your forearms meet your biceps... delicately tasting the blood as I go. I’ll have to make sure to leave my marks on your wrists when you’re unshackled._

_“So many...” I whisper against your arm. “So many beautiful spots for me to kiss...”_

_I return to your thighs, and look up. “I missed a spot, Tiger... and you didn’t remind me. Symmetry is so important, darling...” I breathe, before biting your thigh and starting to suck languorously._

 

 

My entire body is tingling with all the little spots where you bite and drink... bite and suck... bite and lick... every one feels different, and all of them feel exquisite. My head is buzzing, my cock is rock hard, my skin is incredibly sensitive to every touch, of your fingers, of your tongue, of your teeth...

... and then you're on my other thigh and sucking and not stopping and it feels like an impossibly extended tingle of pleasure and I groan in such a high voice I don't recognize myself - oh very sexy Sebastian - but I'm _so fucking lost in you_...

 

 

_I lick at your wound, staring up at you._

_Then I rest my head against your thigh, curl my arms around it, and sigh with pleasure._

_“Sebastian...” I murmur, eyes glowing. “My husband... My pleasure... My slave... My nourishment...”_

_I rise with preternatural grace, and put my arms around your neck. “My true love...” I whisper, and kiss you deeply. Your tongue against mine makes me sag against you in desire._

_I break off the kiss, staring at you heatedly for a moment..._

_Then I move behind you, grab your hips, and press you hard against the window. The curtain is still in front of you, in between you and the glass... I’m not sure what if anything can be seen through the gap._

_“That is what the world *won’t* be shown...” I growl. “Because I don’t wish it. Because you’re for my eyes only. My desires only...”_

_I press my cock hard against your arse, then slide it in between your cheeks._

_“My. Cock, Only.” I purr._

 

 

Your husband, pleasure, slave, nourishment, and true love is dizzified by those words... your tongue in my mouth, your body moulding itself against mine, your eyes staring in mine - my breath is shallow, my cock hard, as you move behind me - push me against the window - oh - the curtains are covering my modesty, but I don't really care at this point... display me to the city, I would be _honoured_ , I am _so proud_ I am yours, I want to shout it from the rooftops.

But no, you claim me for yourself alone, and yes, that is proper. Others' gazes would dull the gleam of what is your property.

Your cock presses against the stripes on my arse, then moves in between my buttocks - oh god Jim, Jim I want you...

"Please..." I hear myself whisper.

 

 

_Fuck..._

_So hot, so achingly beautiful... and mine. Mine for always._

_“Right fucking now...” I mutter._

_I grab the chair I had thrown aside, and step up to release you from the curtain rod. Then I lead you to the bed. I nod at the head of the bed. “Kneel, Tiger... facing the headboard...”_

_I admire your muscular back and buttocks, and then shackle you to the headboard. I grab the lube and start applying it to myself and you._

_“Such a powerful beast you are, my husband...” I whisper into your ear. “I look forward to chaining you up regularly... whipping you, marking you... biting you, drinking you...”_

_My finger slides into you, making you breathe in deeply. “Penetrating you... fucking you so hard, so deep...”_

_My finger makes small lazy circles inside you, and I feel your muscles squeeze against me. “Possessing you, my Tiger... owning you...”_

_My finger is removed and replaced with the head of my cock. I breach your entrance with a powerful thrust, and move inside you experimentally. You are so ready, and you accept my invasion of your body with a moan of pleasure._

_“Claiming that sweet arse of yours...” I groan, and surge in deeper. “Coming inside you, marking you as mine... Surrender to me, my darling...” I whisper and thrust into you powerfully._

 

 

Yes - yes, god yes -

I’m released, tied again. I wouldn’t dream of moving away, of course, but it’s so hot to be tied down, the feeling of powerlessness...

Your words make me dizzy with delight.

I will have this _all the time_... Gorgeous strong masterful Jim, using me in whatever way he wants... nothing could make me happier, more fulfilled. I want to come back from this honeymoon barely able to walk.

And then you enter me and it’s _everything_...

You are not gentle, and that is _perfect_ \- I belong to you, I’m your slave, your property, why would you care about anything except your pleasure? _Take_ me, my love, my Lord, take me hard, take your pleasure from me whenever and however you want...

‘Surrender to me,’ you say, and with a deep moan I sink even deeper into submission, giving you all I am, all you want, everything, it’s yours Jim...

“I’m yours... oh god, I’m yours...”

 

 

_I grip your hips as I fuck you, my fingernails digging into your skin._

_"Oh god... married sex *is* hotter," I growl, and bite your neck, just under your jaw. Blood trickles down your skin, and I lick you hungrily._

_My hand tilts your head so I can have better access. I bite and lick, bite and lick... wonderful discovery, this. If I do shallow bites and just a drink a little, I can do a lot more..._

_"I love biting you, Sebastian," I whisper, and lick your neck firmly to catch the small beads of blood. My thrusts are growing harder and faster, and I groan into your neck._

_My hand sweeps down over the strong, powerful body that I own, that I have claimed, and pleasure floods through me. "So beautiful, Tiger..." I purr. I suck your earlobe, and bite down._

 

 

Your teeth pierce me, again, and again, and again, and my entire body is alight with pain and fire and blood and ecstasy. Every spot where you bit before glows with pleasure, your presence like a drug stronger than any I've ever tasted, your cock thrusting inside me hard, your voice like frayed silk caressing me, I don't think I'll be able to hold on much longer, I don't know what may happen, I may explode, melt, my brain may fry - surely the human body was never meant to withstand such intense pleasure –

 

 

_You seem beside yourself with pleasure and desire. Your groans and your blood are setting my body ablaze; I can’t last much longer…_

_“Ohhh, Tiger...” I moan as I thrust into you, and slide my arm around your chest. “We’ve just begun to explore this bond between us... but I think we may need to rest a moment, don’t you?” I reach for your cock, and grasp it in my fingers._

_“Come when I do...” I order, and fuck you hard and fast._

 

 

Oh GOD -

 _JIM_ -

My entire body is on fire, flames shooting out of every spot your fangs have pierced, each stripe from your whip glowing red hot, my lungs aching like I'm trying to breathe in a room on fire, your cock inside me poking the flames, and then your hand is on my cock and I _shatter_ ; I'm no longer aware of the sounds I make, my hands are grasping the headboard so hard that I can hear it creaking, and a pleasure so intense it is unbearable overpowers me, burns my body, gathers in my pelvis, works its way out of me, scorching everything in its path; and then I feel _your_ orgasm, and that's it, I'm undone, I'm in smithereens, I no longer exist, there is only ecstasy, yours and mine, shooting for the stars and scattering everything we are over lightyears of space…

 

 

_Feeling you shaking and listening to you moaning in ecstasy is only exacerbating my own mounting desire... soon it feels like a runaway stallion, knocking free its rider and leaping over a gate to wild, rollicking freedom._

_“Oh god... oh... *god*...” I groan, rocking against you._

_And then the stallion is hurtling over a cliff... and I lose sense of your orgasm and my orgasm, and I feel *ours* moving through us, shaking us to our very foundations... Dimly I’m aware of us crying out, and liquid desire shooting out of us, and vibrating to a frequency that doesn’t feel human - The quantum physics of a vampire-human dyad? I think faintly even as I collapse against you, groaning and shivering._

_Your body is damp underneath mine - I place a hand on your hip, trying to pull out and feeling strangely troubled at the thought. What is that?? I think wildly._

_And then I burst into tears._

 

 

I’m floating between the stars at the edge of creation, and it’s great... my atoms are scattered over the universe, I’m one with everything, I’ll float up here for all eternity -

\- when a sound pierces all time and space and pulls me back into this room in Vegas faster than thought. The most urgent sound in the world.

Jim. Richard. Crying.

“Jim?! Sweetheart - what’s wrong?!”

Why am I tied to a headboard?! A quick yank and my right hand is free, a bedpost dangling from my wrist. I turn towards you, making you slide out. I’m vaguely aware of a sense of loss, but it's overshadowed by concern for you.

 

 

_As I'm crying, I'm vaguely aware of you breaking free. (Did you... break the bedpost?? Mmm... *Tiger*...)_

_"Nothing, nothing..." I soothe, caressing your face - then I burst into noisy sobs again. "It's just - it was so perfect... and so beautiful... and so hot... will it ever be that amazing again??" I weep, and throw myself into your arms._

_What I don't tell you is... Our life together is flashing before my eyes, and we've only just started... I need more time with you, my darling Sebastian..._

 

 

"Jim - my love, my life, my _husband_..." I try caressing your back with a hand which has a bedpost dangling from its wrist - not ideal, but I have to touch you -

"Jim - of course it will be so amazing again. And sometimes it will be less amazing, and sometimes more, and we will do this again and again and again, and so many other things, anything we can think of... we'll be together night after night after night... my love, my sweet..."

Sometimes people get emotional after orgasm - looks like you are one of them.

My sweet, sweet vampire...

 

 

_I press my hands to my wet eyes. "I know, I'm being ridiculous," I sniffle._

_I wipe at my tears, and my fingers come away bloody. "Fuck..." I say, then look away. "Don't look at me... I'm a mess..."_

_I glance back at you, then lean against you, sighing. "It was really fucking hot, Tiger..." I murmur._

 

 

"It was, my love, it was..." I whisper against your hair. "It was the best sex I've ever had, even after all the great sex we've been having... It's alright, my love, it's normal to get emotional after something so intense... you're not a mess, you're my beautiful husband, the sexiest man in the whole wide world..."

I pull my arm back, gesture to my left arm, awkwardly bent behind me, still tied to the post.

"I'm sorry I broke the bed, but I was worried... could you...?" I hold up my wrist with the post still stuck in the shackle.

 

 

_I laugh through my tears. "I don't know, I rather like seeing you chained to a post... Alright, here..."_

_I unshackle you and throw the post aside. Then I remove the shackle from the other wrist._

_Finally, I wrap myself around you, sighing dreamily._

_"It was the best sex I've ever had, too," I say, beaming up at you. "We're really married, Tiger! And we had the hottest wedding night *ever*..."_

 

 

You seem to be happier now, thank goodness. And you're wrapped all around me. I use my arms' newfound freedom to hug you close.

"It was - _amazing_ ," I sigh, letting the memories flood back into me now I'm sure that you are OK. I shudder slightly with delight.

"Fuck, it was more than amazing... it was otherworldly... best wedding night _ever_ , without a doubt. No one else's can have come _close_... I thought I was going to burst from the intensity at some point, just so -

wow." I conclude.

Experiences like this can't be captured into words. It's in the afterglow on my skin, the comfortable exhaustion, the gleam in your eyes as you stare into mine.

 

 

_Now that I've stopped my infernal weeping, I feel positively euphoric._

_"I'm feeling much better, darling... you're the hottest man in the world (after myself), and you're mine for always... we're madly in love, and we have put all newlyweds to shame with our hotness. And if you say it's not a competition, I will scoff - when it comes to what matters, I require being *the best*. And a narcissist psychopathic vampire must always get his way..." I grin at you, and snuggle against your chest._

_Suddenly I start to feel panicky, and my head pops up. "How are you feeling? Do you need protein?" I demand._

 

 

"Of course you're the best, _no_ competition..." I grin. "And I'm _fine_... I've lost more blood during training exercises. I assure you I'll tell you if I feel weak or dizzy, don't worry."

I snuggle you close. "I have all I need right here... my gorgeous love, my life, my _husband_... my lord and master..."

I shiver. "Ffuccck, that was... very _very_ good. Wow." I sigh with afterglow.

"A postcoital cigarette and champagne, mon cheri?"

 

 

_I sigh with pleasure. "Mais oui, mon amour!"_

_I watch as you get up and collect cigarettes and champagne. You are covered in my marks - lashes and shallow bite marks, *everywhere*..._

_I cover my mouth in mock horror. "Oh my dear Tiger... it appears you were attacked by a relentless sadistic vampire! How pray tell did you survive the ambush?"_

 

 

“With utmost delight, delirious exultation, ecstatic pleasure, and the best fucking orgasm of my life,” I smile.

“Turns out I have a thing for sadistic vampires. Took me long enough to discover that specific niche, but now I have, I’m not moving.”

I pour us both a fresh glass of champagne, sit on the bed, light a cigarette, take a draught, pass it to you.

 

 

_I feel like I must be glowing... am I glowing? Is that unseemly? Fuck it. I take the fag and inhale smoke with deep pleasure._

_"Mmm, this sadistic vampire is feeling fairly delirious and exultant as well... and has become rather addicted to a certain masochistic Tiger and his sweet, delicious blood..." I sip my champagne languorously. "Any thoughts on what you'd like to do on our honeymoon, Sebbie? Besides a lot more... getting to know each other..." I purr, and kiss your neck._


	20. Let It Bleed

We all need someone we can feed on

And if you want it, well you can feed on me

Take my arm, take my leg, oh baby don't you take my head

Yeah, we all need someone we can bleed on

Yeah, and if you want it, baby, well you can bleed on me

 

 

“... I must admit I haven’t given it any thought so far. It’s all been such a whirlwind...

Yes, _lots_ more getting to know each other... I want to explore every inch of that beautiful body... I want you to use me whenever you want however you want... there is nothing in the world that’s hotter...

As to other stuff - well, we are in Vegas, and I do like gambling, so let’s go wild on the town one night?

And you mentioned going into the desert... we could rent a car and drive out and look at the stars. There are so many more in the desert than you ever think possible while you’re in London...

What about you? Did you think of anything?”

I kiss the top of your head, take the cigarette back.

 

 

_"I've never been into gambling, but I'm happy to accompany you as you do, and have a wild Vegas night," I smile at you. "My adrenaline junkie husband..." I ruffle your hair._

_"And yesss, I am very much looking forward to going into the desert... maybe we can have a midnight picnic! I'll throw someone in the boot on the way," I wink at you. "But only if they're knocked out, because listening to some drunk shouting all the way there will be *so* tiresome..."_

_I stroke your arm, thinking. "What about me? Shopping, of course, darling! I have to see what clothing is available here in Sin City. You will let me style you, won't you, Tiger..." I ask in a silky voice._

 

 

Style me? Uh oh... what does that mean? You're not going to go weird on me, are you? I have no idea what you like - I mean, your own dress sense is impeccable, but god knows what you might think of for me...

Still - I wouldn't be a very good property if I started demanding the right to dress myself like a stubborn three-year-old.

Just -

"... no spandex trousers and net vests, I hope?"

 

 

_I give you an indignant look. "*Darling*... give me some credit, won't you..." I drawl. "There should be a few well-tailored ensembles in your wardrobe, not just one good suit. I may need you to represent the Empire from time to time, and oddly enough I'd rather you didn't do it in army trousers and boots... fetching though they are on you."_

_I stare at you, perplexed. "Spandex trousers and net vests?? I don't know whether to laugh or feel insulted... really, Tiger?"_

 

 

I grin. “Well I don’t know, do I? I’ve hardly spent any time in your presence. I didn’t see much of your house because _someone_ locked me _up_ in a gym. For all I know you collect porcelain cherubs and have a spandex fetish. I would look smashing, you’ll have to admit...”

 

 

_"You should be locked up for even thinking such a thing is possible," I say loftily. "Perhaps I will... when we return to London. I could make you my prisoner, and put you in spandex as ironic punishment." I roll my eyes. "Yes, *of course* you'd look smashing... the spandex wouldn't stay on for long..."_

 

 

"Oh no - the prisoner of an evil sadistic vampire? What a disastrous fate!"

I suddenly notice the curtain has got lighter. "Jim... it's dawn..."

 

 

_I blink slowly at the curtain. “And so it is...” I muse. “The sun has set, so to speak, on our wedding day... and it was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined, Sebastian...” I say to you dreamily._

_A pang of sadness cuts through me. “And... you think it will still be amazing and beautiful, again and again?” I ask hopefully. “I’ll hold you to that, my beloved Tigger...”_

 

 

"Jim... why wouldn't it? We will get to know each other better and better, get to know each other's bodies, things we like, things we don't like... I want to get to know your body as well as I know my own, so that I can comfort you when you've had a bad dream, make you feel loved when you have been out and come home, make you mad with ecstasy when we're having sex... know just how to massage you to make you feel utterly relaxed, and just how to tease you to make you mad with lust...

I'm a man who lives for his mission, and my mission is you..."

I kiss your beautiful smile.

"Shall I switch off the lights? Do you want to sleep?"

 

 

_I yawn. “No... I’d be happy to stay awake for hours. But I’d better rest and keep my strength up. I have more ecstasy to deliver tomorrow...”_

_I stretch luxuriously and you pull the covers over us. Then I curl myself around you._

_“Those were some wonderful words, Sebbie... Eton and Oxford didn’t fail you...” I say drowsily, and my eyelids flutter shut._

 

 

You're asleep before I've even switched the lights off. I lie awake for a bit, looking at you on my shoulder, your hand on my chest. You are lying so preternaturally still... it's disconcerting, but I'm slowly learning to get used to it.

Your face is beautiful in the dawn twilight... so heartbreakingly young and sweet, it brings tears to my eyes. Thinking of how you have spent so long so alone... my sweet, sweet prince... who's never been in love...

A small stab of fear. _If he's never been in love... how can he recognize it? What if it's just a crush? A fling?_

Yeah, well, what if... If I spent my life thinking about what if...

That's different. Now I have something to live for.

I do... oh god I do...

I smile down at the most beautiful face on god's green earth, lying so very still...

"Sleep well, Richard Moran," I breathe. I think I have the world's largest smile on my lips as I fall asleep.

 

 

_I'm rising from the darkness as if swimming through a black, shimmering ocean..._

_There's something I need to get to..._

_Some*one*..._

_What?? Since when has Jim Moriarty ever needed someone?_

_But there's someone else now... who is Richard Moran?_

_I awake with a gasp._

_Richard -_

_Moran -_

_*Sebastian*._

_Eyes still closed, I turn towards the body feeding me heat, comfort... grasp at big, strong shoulders..._

_"My Tiger," I whisper. A smile spreads across my lips..._

 

 

There's a woman hanging from my neck in the back of a cab - I'm taking her home but I forgot - I'm _married_ \- I can't just take a woman home, my wife will kill me. Did I kiss her? I can't remember, I must have drunk too much - I hope I didn't kiss her, that would be cheating, wouldn't it?

She's drunk as well, leaning on me, trying to kiss me - I try to move away, but the seatbelt is in the way. She's kissing me and I find her disgusting - try to undo the seatbelt, but it won't give. I try to call to the driver, but there's a partition in the way and he doesn't seem to hear me. What the fuck - since when can't I get out of a _seatbelt_ -

and then her fangs slide into my neck, and I remember -

not a wife, a husband -

vampire husband -

with vampire enemies -

they found me -

they got me -

_Jim._

I open the car door, manage to hurl myself out as it's going round a corner. The woman shrieks as I tear myself away from her.

"We'll get you eventually! Don't think he can run forever! We are everywhere! We will _get_ you, Jim Moriarty..."

 

 

_The warm Tiger body is stiffening underneath me, and not in the good way. I hear muttering, and then an anguished sound in your throat._

_"Sebastian?" I mumble, trying to open my eyes._

_There's still some daylight, and my eyes are stinging with the effort._

_"Sebastian," I call out, and take your face in my hands. "You're dreaming, darling..."_

 

 

"Jim!"

My eyes shoot open, I look - Jim - it's you - I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to kiss that woman -

Or did I?

No - that was a dream. I'm with you here in Vegas. On our honeymoon.

"I'm alright - just a scary dream - this woman tried to _kiss_ me," I try to play it off lightly. But the words scared me. They echo through my head still.

 

 

_I pause as I'm trying to shake off the deathly cobwebs from my mind._

_Did you say... *kiss*?_

_"What was scary about that, Sebastian?" I ask smoothly._

 

 

"I didn't want her to! But I was stuck in the back of a cab and I couldn't get the seatbelt loose - eventually I jumped out."

I don't want to tell you about the vampire bit - you worry enough as it is...

 

 

_Something isn't quite right... why would that be scary?_

_Hmm... Well, I'm not going to demand you divulge your dreams, am I... am I??_

_I shrug._

_"Well... dreams are strange, darling..." I rest my head against your shoulder, saddened that you're not sharing something with me... but what? A stupid dream, or... *what*?_

 

 

"They are... I felt so panicky, I didn't want to cheat on you - and I was so afraid I already had kissed her, and I couldn't remember..."

I pull you close.

"It looks way too sunny out there... shall we sleep some more? You can have a lie-in after your wedding night, can't you?

Oh, god, what a wedding night..."

Memories flood me, and blood floods Little Seb.

'Later...' I tell him. Let poor newlyweds regain their strength...

 

 

_*Do not get huffy, Jim*... it's your honeymoon._

_But! He's already dreaming of kissing some *tramp*, I protest._

_You've been married for less than 24 hours... leave the drama out for at least a day, won't you?_

_I narrow my eyes, and lift my head._

_"We can do whatever I want," I say silkily, and turn your head to the side to kiss your neck. My tongue presses against a healing puncture wound. The blood I had given you has helped it to heal nicely, but oh, look at that... when it’s punctured, it bleeds again..._

 

 

What -

What are you pissed off about _now_!? Fuck's sake - I can't even have a _nightmare_ about kissing someone else? Did I mention that I didn't want to?

But then - your voice... my body obediently goes limp, my cock does the opposite, and I arch my head so my neck is open to you... to your _tongue_... licking what feels like a direct line to all pleasure zones in my body... so good - and then a sharp pain as you bite that _very same spot_ , and I gasp - and moan with the pleasure - and shiver...

 

 

_Mmm... given your response, repuncturing a bite seems to be intense and very pleasurable, indeed..._

_Luxuriously I lick the droplets of blood that break free to the surface._

_I look up at your face in a daze, your eyes already half-closed in ecstasy..._

_"*Like* that, do you..." I whisper darkly, and my head ducks down for more._

 

 

"Yes -" my voice trembles.

"God, yes..."

You get back to my neck and pierce the other wound - oh _god_ \- I groan in delight as a shiver of ecstasy travels through my body.

"God - Jim - oh fuck..."

 

 

_"So many kisses..." I murmur, letting my teeth scrape against another wound._

_Your gasps are electrifying... your blood intoxicating..._

_I press my pelvis against yours as I lick your neck, now dotted in ruby beads of nectar for me..._

_"My Tiger will wear my bites as well as my stripes..." I growl. "How *won*derful, darling..."_

 

 

This is madness and ecstasy, delight and delirium... I've always liked having my neck kissed and bitten, but this is maximized and sublimated, pleasures that man was not meant to know, except just before death... probably a hunting advantage that evolved, ensuring that prey didn't run away...

Why the fuck am I thinking about evolutionary biology?!

Your cock rubs against mine and I'm moaning and trembling - I feel my cock is rock hard already, and your words only inflame it further -

"God, yes - I'll have to invest in turtlenecks..." I mumble.

 

 

_"Don't worry," I murmur against your throat, breathing in your scent. "As long as you're drinking my blood, you'll heal very quickly and the scars will be faint. I won't bite you every day, but this is our honeymoon, and I can't *help* myself, darling... you don't mind terribly much, do you?" I ask coyly, and my tongue travels slowly down to the spot over your heart._

_"Do you?" I purr, nuzzling your wound._

 

 

"nnnhhhahhhhh," I quaver, hoping that you'll recognize it for the negation it is. Your tongue tracing trails of fire across my skin, exploding in a blast of euphoria when you get to the next bite mark. I think I could come just from lying here and having you lick your previous bites, the sensation is so intense, so delicious...

... and then your fangs pierce the marks over my heart again, both simultaneously, and I buckle, a strong wave of pleasure pulsing through my body; I feel my heart racing under your mouth.

 

 

_I moan with pleasure against your skin, as your blood trickles onto my tongue, as your heart thunders..._

_such a powerful heart..._

_powerful body..._

_beautiful Tiger..._

_Mine..._

_I climb off you, and push your legs up. Leaning over, I grab the lube from the bedside table, and pop the lid._

_"Ready, my husband?" Looming over you, I smile at you hungrily._

 

 

Ready? Oh god yes - oh god Jim, I was _born_ ready for you - well - you know what I mean.

I can't wait to feel you inside me - feel you possess me with your cock, with your fangs, with your tongue... being possessed totally, completely, utterly, by my _husband_...

Eventually I will stop shuddering with delight when I think that word. But today is not that day.

"Yes... god yes please..."

 

 

_I slather lube generously on my cock. Then taking a fingerful of the sticky stuff, I slide one digit into you, then two... as I circle my fingers lazily, I’m pleased to see all the fucking we’ve been doing is having a good effect on you. You don’t need nearly as much preparation as when I first took you. Excellent... I like you being ready for me in an instant._

_I remove my fingers, and press against your entrance._

_“As you wish, my darling...” I say and push into you. All thoughts flee my mind as my body comes alive with sensation._

_“Oh - fuck -“ I groan, pushing into you deeper. “You feel *so good*, Tiger...”_

 

 

There's that little threshold that you always need to cross, that small sensation of - no - before the wholehearted YES, and then you're inside and I groan with delight and surrender... such surrender... there's a light that permeates my body and radiates out; I'm transmuted by your desire, my lead turning into gold, purest exaltation - reified by your touch, deified by your delight...

 

 

_I start to move inside you. I let out a soft grunt as I do..._

_you seem beside yourself already... head thrown back, groaning loudly._

_Oh, *Sebastian*..._

_You look up, then - god, you’re fucking *gorgeous*..._

_It hits me then, really hits me - we got married._

_Richard and Sebastian. A vampire and a human. After only a few days of knowing each other... what the fuck??_

_And yet here we are, in a honeymoon suite in Vegas... I’m buried in you to the hilt, staring at you like you’re the holy fucking grail... I lean down and kiss you deeply._

_“I already *love* being married to you...” I murmur, feeling feverish with desire, and rocking against you hard. “Fuck, Sebbie...” I moan, my eyes shutting tightly as you squeeze my cock with your muscles, and push back harder._

 

 

I'm beyond speech; your words register and take their place in my memories, but I can't reply. I'm in a state of rapture unparalleled so far in my earthly existence, it's Hildegard von Bingen's ecstatic experience of the divine, shade of the dying light, the sprinkling drops of sweet rain... you are divine, or the nearest thing to it that a human gets to experience, you are _my_ god, my god who's letting me experience deific union, my body alight; every wound vibrating a euphoric thrill connecting throughout my body until my entire being is a pulsation of bliss; my heart racing and feeling larger than it has ever been, pouring love from every angle because there is too much to contain, my soul wide open and delirious at the touch of the deity to its inner core...

 

 

_Staring down at you writhing in ecstasy, I can't contain myself anymore. I grab your hard cock, and start to stroke it as I increase my speed._

_"Oh god... you're - so - hot - Tiger -" I groan as I thrust my cock into you rhythmically. "So - fucking - *hot*-"_

 

 

And then god touches my cock and I _roar_ , and your presence inside me increases and we are no longer two separate beings, we are one, I have achieved true unification with the divine and my body is burning like it is being consumed which is _fine_ , I am fire, I am storm, I am explosion -

My orgasm, your orgasm, _our_ orgasm, I feel you as I feel me as I feel us, stronger than the diamond, larger than the universe, and again I roar my pleasure into the world - I think my heart is burst into pieces, but that's fine...

 

 

_Oh god, you’re *so into this*, and it’s so fucking hot, I thought I knew what hotness was, we just surpassed ourselves, is that even possible, ohmygodohmygod... Tiger... *Tiger*..._

_We’re one being now, truly one being, shivering and shuddering against each other, crying out, roaring, whimpering..._

_We’re floating together like stars, and the space between stars that connects them..._

_I become aware of my body again, collapsed against you..._

_“Sebastian...” I murmur, laying my head against your shoulder. “My Sebastian...”_

 

 

Purple supernovas in an eternal black night, deafening silence only broken by the racing of my heart, my entire body suspended in euphoria...

And my love, my husband, my lord, touching me, leaning on me, speaking to me, black silk falling from the daemon's tongue, calling me 'my Sebastian', which puts me back together again, all the loose atoms that were flying in space have been given their true form by the Word - I am Your Sebastian.

 

 

_Carefully, I lift myself off you and pull out. I wince at the loss of close contact, but stretch out over you once your legs come down._

_My hand strokes your cheek._

_“Well... I didn’t cry this time...” I say softly._

_I lift my head slightly to look at you. “Good morning, my love...”_

 

 

"You didn't -" I am interrupted by the telephone. Oh you're fucking joking - this is the honeymoon suite!

 

 

_I roll off you. "Care to get that, darling?"_

 

 

I pick up the phone. "Hello?"

No response.

"Hello?"

The line isn't dead - there is that sort of staticky sound that means you're connected, but I hear nothing.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear a thing - please try calling back," I say, and hang up.

 

 

_I look at you. "That's... odd..."_

 

 

"Probably someone complaining about the tiger we're torturing here," I grin. "They'll call back if it's imp-"

The phone rings again.

 

I pick up again - "Hello?"

"Good evening, Sir, it's Manuel Richards from reception here. So sorry to bother you, I just wanted to ask, is everything alright, Sir?"

"Yes, everything is fine, thank you, Manuel," I grin. "How so?"

"That is good to hear, so sorry again to bother you Sir. We got a call that someone heard shouting, and was concerned. Did you hear anything?"

I do my best not to burst out laughing. "Well that might have been me, Manuel... I mean, this _is_ the honeymoon suite, and well -"

"I completely understand, Sir. And I do hope you and your husband are having a wonderful time, and I am so sorry to have bothered you. You must understand, the other guest was not complaining, just worried. And as our guests' wellbeing is our top priority, we had to check. Please do enjoy the rest of your stay."

"Thank you very much, Manuel. Have a great evening," I reply, and hang up. I look at you, and then we both burst out laughing.

 

 

_I listen as you speak, hearing the voice on the other end as clearly as if Mr Richards were in the room with us. Thank you, vampire hearing..._

_"You know... I was a bit too, oh, *enraptured* to judge how loud you were being..." I giggle, falling against your chest. "But I do think I drowned you out at some point... so I can only imagine, Tiger! Those poor, poor hotel guests... thinking they were witnesses to a crime of *fiery passion*..." I snort, and cover my face. "Oh - god - "_

 

 

"I say," I giggle, "what do they _expect_ from the honeymoon suite?! 'Oh my,'?" I imitate George Takei.

"Well, Manuel seemed very apologetic he had to call, and made a point of mentioning that no one was _complaining_ , just worried. Maybe we should knock on the neighbours' doors before we start next time, letting them know that we're perfectly alright, just having better sex than anyone anywhere ever has had ever..."

 

 

_"I would have to agree, darling," I say loftily, resting my head on your shoulder._

_And as I suspect you've had buckets of tawdry casual sex, you would be the best judge... but let's not get into *that*... we've already had one narrow miss this morning, and I can't just fuck you every time I want to avoid a fight, can I?_

_Can I? Hmm..._

_"Shall we order you some hearty breakfast? And then what do you feel like doing, Sebbie?"_

 

 

"Long live all-day breakfasts..." I move lazily.

"Alternatively, we could fall back asleep..."

I grasp you and pull you into my arms. "There's still some daylight left..."

 

 

_I chuckle and settle against you happily. "Just a sliver, darling... did I tire you out with all the relentless fucking and biting?"_

 

 

"Shnghm," I concur, pulling you closer. "Want vampire snuggles and sleeps... I need recovery, you know... "

 

 

_"That's what crisp, sizzling protein is for... recovery..." I protest, but your arms just tighten around me. Awww... demanding, affectionate Tiger. I could so get used to this._

_"Fine... but I'm ordering you bacon and sausage when you wake up..." I mumble, as I rest against you. "Mmmm... Tigers are comfy..."_

 

 

"The comfiest..." I nuzzle against your soft hair, breathing in your scent, holding you close in my arms. The neighbours will have a little more respite...

 

 

_As I rest against you, a thought surfaces that I didn't want to look at... when the phone rang, I had the strangest feeling that... we could be in danger. But from who? Were there Vegas vampires that had sensed my presence? But then - wouldn't I have sensed theirs??_

_There was still so much about vampires that I needed to know... when was I going to get that lab up and running, I thought in irritation as darkness slowly pulled me under._

 

 

As I wake again, it's truly dark. The green numbers on the alarm clock say it's 20:13. You are cool and motionless in my arms, but stir when I stroke your cheek.

"Good evening, husband..." I smile.

 

 

_I'm drifting back towards heat and sensation..._

_I feel a strong, warm body holding mine, a hand touching my face._

_Then I hear the most beautiful words I can imagine..._

_I smile, eyes still closed._

_"Good evening to you, husband..."_

_I nestle against you, sighing. "We get to wake up like this every day now..."_

_I peer you at you in the darkness, and caress your hair. "But I don't want you to miss out on sunlight for me, darling..." I fret. "Maybe you should be out during the day sometimes?"_

 

 

I look at you. "What shine could the sun possibly possess that is brighter than thy face?" I ask, making you gleam - see?

I sigh. "You're probably right, though. Vitamin D and stuff. And - yeah, I guess I do miss the sun. I could, I don't know, get up during the day, have a walk, then come back to bed. I'm not unused to mostly functioning at night for a stretch at a time, but I couldn't remove sunlight - or, in London, daylight - out of my life forever. I'll have a stroll around town tomorrow."

 

 

_Relieved, I stroke your face. "That makes sense... I'll miss you when you're gone..." I say in a sorrowful voice._

_I think for a moment. "Yeah ok, I won't be aware," I say wryly. "but on some level... I think I'll know..."_

 

 

"I know... but I'll come back, all sun-warmed and smelling of the outside air, and cuddle you, and you'll snuggle up to me, and have pleasant dreams..." I kiss your forehead.

"But first - our after-wedding-night! Breakfast for me, then some gambling and drinking, some food for you, some more gambling and drinking, interspersed with neighbour-alarming bouts of shagging?"

 

 

_“Our wild Vegas night!” I exclaim, delighted. I’m looking forward to seeing you in action - another side to my beloved Tiger. “Complete with dinner for me... let’s see if we can alarm the neighbours even more, Sebbie...” I smile slyly and kiss you._

 

 

"We'll certainly alarm them if we bring dinner _here_ ," I laugh. "'Ooooh, John, I hear shrieking...' 'No, honey, that's the honeymoon suite again.' 'But it sounds like a woman now...' 'Well, this is Vegas, dear, it's up to them how they celebrate their honeymoon, I'm not phoning reception again...'"

 

 

_“Ah, perfect... now we have carte blanche to do what we want! We could have an orgy and slaughter the lot of them... just make sure to sound put out when you answer the phone, darling...” I advise, stretching. I reach for the phone and order enough food for a Tiger army. I hang up and stare at your naked body lounging in bed. “Mmm... you should answer the door wearing a towel. That’s so fetching in films...” I purr, stroking your thigh. “And I’m not ready to see you in clothing yet...”_

 

 

"I'm sure they've seen bodies covered in stripes before, but all these fang marks may be stretching it a bit even for Vegas," I chuckle. They do appear to be healing remarkably fast, but they're still visible.

 

 

_I pout. “Puritans... *fine*. You stay in bed, *I’ll* answer the door... wearing a towel. Nobody gets dressed yet...” I stare off for a moment. “Back in the UK, there are establishments that cater to vampires... hotels, clubs, bars... perhaps when we wipe out my key enemies, we can go on a date or a weekend away. It would be nice to not have to hide,” I say, sounding more wistful than I intend._

 

 

There are? I am surprised to hear it, but then - of course there are. If they are really your rich secret society types, they will want to indulge in luxuries. And humans are greedy enough that they'll cater to _anyone_ who pays well enough, serving them dinner and everything.

"That sounds amazing," I smile at you. "But - I am happy to be here with you as well. I don't feel like I'm hiding - I've always lived my life in the shadows, first hiding from my dad, then hiding from the enemy and the public, finally hiding from the police and bodyguards - hiding is my life. I can see how it would be hard on a rock star like you - but don't feel that I am missing out on anything."

 

 

_"Don't mistake me, darling... I've had to hide throughout my life, as well. Being gay around violent homophobes as a young adolescent... escaping a mental institution and living in the underworld as a teenager, and then establishing the Empire so young. It was more effective being a shadowy figure that struck fear into men's hearts than a cute, skinny eighteen-year-old, vicious psychopath or not. Then as a vampire, hiding from humans and from my enemies... but now..." I curl up against you. "I feel safe with you... relaxed... it makes me not want to always be looking over my shoulder. Maybe that's an impossible dream... but I love the idea of just enjoying my life with you..."_

 

 

"I know what you mean, I think," I reply. "Like - when I shouted to the crowd that we were getting married yesterday - that was so unlike me, but I was _so_ happy, and I just wanted everybody to know how amazing you are, and how lucky I am to marry you. It's almost like - happiness is less enjoyable if you can only keep it to yourself. Which is why I've really loved being here and - the staff, and the people at the wedding, all being so happy for us - in a way we are lucky. We can't let people know you're a vampire, but - in many countries, and here only a few decades ago, we couldn't have let anyone know we were in love at all. At least we get to celebrate that, get to go out in a moment and cuddle and kiss and announce to anyone who will hear it that we just got married."

I don't know what it's like - is there a thing like vampire pride? Do you want to be accepted as a vampire by society? It doesn't look like most vampires want to, happy to keep themselves apart, but - does it hurt you?

 

 

_"Yes... it's been lovely, feeling anonymous, easily slipping in and out of the world. It really does feel like being on holiday, which I've never done before," I beam at you. "So my first proper holiday was my honeymoon... I'd love to see more places with you..."_

_I imagine our life together, seeing places I'd only read about or gone to on business - not quite the same thing, only seeing a city from the back of a limo, or from the warehouse district..._

_"Is there anywhere you'd like to go, Sebbie?"_

 

 

"Anywhere would be beautiful with you," I say without hesitation. "I've travelled, but - not often spent a lot of time sightseeing," I grin. "Embassies, hotels, airports, army bases... not the best sights in most countries. I don't know - I really like nature. Vast mountainsides, forests, lakes, deserts... I've been to many of those, but the focus was always on survival - a beautiful mountain becomes a lot less aesthetically pleasing if you're hanging from the side with frozen fingers for the fourteenth hour in a row. I'd like to - just walk beautiful paths for fun, on a gentle incline on a moonlit night, rather than having to get over five hills in four hours in order to shoot someone on the other side."

 

 

_"Walking on a moonlit path does sound nicer," I agree. "So no survival-based travel. Nature is..." I hedge. "...aesthetically pleasing from indoors. I'm not opposed to it from a distance," I say benevolently. "As long as there are luxury accommodations and shops for me to look at... I can be near nature."_

_I realize I had suggested going into the desert at night... which is going right into nature... how love-drunk have I been??_

 

 

"Don't worry, my delicate porcelain doll, I won't subject you to _camping_ or anything so gruelling," I grin.

I don't see the appeal in shops, myself, but I suppose you must do, with your fabulous style - I do hope your promise to buy me some good clothes will not mean I have to spend hours at a tailor's... dreadful boring afternoons from childhood come flooding back.

"What else do I like - car racing - there are bound to be racing tracks that are happy to let us have a go at night.

Dancing, of course... I can't wait to go dancing with you again. Dancing with Richard, barely able to keep Jim in, was amazing. I can't wait to go dancing with Jim...

Theatre? I like plays, opera, dance, music - though probably different music than you...

I enjoy sports, but mostly as a participant rather than a spectator, but I don't think you will be much interested in either..."

 

 

_“I’m hardly *porcelain*... more like steel encased in velvet. Don’t want the velvet to be mussed up, it would make me terribly cross. I love that you appreciate some culture... and what a wonderful opportunity to have a night on the town and be fabulous and beautiful. No to sports._

_Car racing? Really? Hmm..._

_Dancing sounds wonderful...” I clap my hands. “Yes. That.”_

 

 

“Alright, my velvet steel work of beauty...” I grin.

There’s a knock on the door. “Room service!”

“You’re up, my love...”

You drape a towel around your waist and open the door, walk in with a cart laden with food.

“I know you say I have to keep my strength up, but are you sure you’re not fattening me up for some evil Hansel and Gretel purpose?”

 

 

_I raise my eyebrow. "Are you implying I'm a diabolically evil fairy-tale witch, in disguise as an adorably evil vampire? Very high-concept, darling! Intriguing plot twist... now, *eat*." Grinning madly, I throw myself on the bed._

_I take a piece of bacon from one of the platters and chew it delicately with a doe-eyed, innocent expression, then give you a cunning, sidelong glance. "You're not eating, Sebastian..." I purr and slide a sausage into your mouth._

 

 

"Sorry, I was distracted by my adorably evil husband," I say once I've chewed away the bite of the sausage. "I shall eat now."

The food is good; I have sausages, bacon, eggs... you keep trying to get me to eat more, but pretty soon I'm too full up to move.

"I'm only one Tiger, Jim... not an entire pride."

"The collective noun for tigers is 'ambush' or 'streak'," you correct me.

"Really? Seems good... an ambush of tigers would be your worst nightmare, whereas a Tiger streaking..."

 

 

_"Well, one streaking Tiger would be enough to dazzle and amaze; I'm not sure anyone could handle seeing a multitude... other than me, of course. Mmm... one vampire, several naked Tigers? Such a delightful ratio..." I say dreamily, munching bacon._

 

 

"Vetoed with extreme... extremity!" I protest. "You promised to forsake all others. I'm afraid one naked Tiger will have to suffice." I look at you sternly. "You're not the only jealous spouse around here..."

 

 

_"Dar-ling," I sing, cuddling against you. "No need to be jealous - it's just a fantasy, and they're all you! Wouldn't you enjoy fantasizing about several Richards, or Richards and Jims with their attention all on you?" I consider this for a moment. "Although... in a scenario with several Jims, you might pass out from the blood loss... they do get rather bitey around a Tiger, don't they?" I nip at your neck without drawing blood, then gaze at you adoringly._

_"You know I only have eyes for you..." I murmur._

 

 

I shiver in delight at the nip.

"I don't think I could survive more than one of you... I have enough trouble dealing with one Richard and Jim. And yes, I know you only have eyes for me... and you'd better keep them there, or you'll find out that Tigers can bite if provoked..." I growl into your neck.

 

 

_I shiver with pleasure at your growl._

_"Tiger! Are you being territorial?" I ask, feigning shock. "I thought I was the irrational, jealous one... what would you do if someone came on to me, Sebbie? Through no fault of my own, of course..."_

 

 

I growl. "Entirely depends how they came on to you... A polite 'can I buy you a drink', and I'll just scowl at them until they scuttle. But any _touching_ , and they'd have trouble using the body part that touched you for a bit... As for spilling drinks on you - well, they'd go _flying_ out of the club."

 

 

_I nod at you with a mock studious air. "Very reasonable responses, absolutely... No one could fault you that, Sebastian..."_

_Jesus... You're so easy-going. For me, any one of those approaches could result in death, depending on my mood. Or the day of the week. Or if I don't like the person's outfit. Or their face._

_"Ah, spilling drinks..." I reminisce, smiling slyly. "Richard's version of a come-on... your lady friend didn't stand a chance, did she, Tiger..." I growl. Wrapping my arms around your neck, I delicately kiss your earlobe._

 

 

"She was such a bitch," I chuckle. "When I decided that I was _definitely_ going for you, I - you know, don't laugh, or get jealous, but usually when I was on the prowl, I made a selection. Like, first preference, second, third; then go for my first choice; if they weren't interested or interesting, go for second, etcetera. But when I saw you - I was going home with you or - alone, for the first time in - forever. And even if I'd come back, she was no longer anywhere _near_ eligible - how _dare_ she be so rude to the sweetest little shy gay boy I'd ever seen... god, Richard had me good..."

 

 

_Well, I can hardly be jealous when the lady is dead. Tasted of stale cigarettes and cheap whisky, as I recall._

_Still, I don't think I'll share her demise with you at this moment - I'm not sure how you'd react, and I'm enjoying my honeymoon too much to risk an argument - she really would not be worth it._

_I tsk at you indulgently. "Spoken like a consummate player... Why should I be jealous, Tiger? You left that habit (and that bitch) behind when you met your true love. Your sweet, shy, adorable Richard... and if he morphed into a wicked, egotistical little vampire..."_

_I strike a pose like a rock star being admired by millions. "... then so much the better," I purr, my eyes flashing at you._

 

 

How do you manage to look so magnificent in only a towel? I mean, of course your naked body is beyond hot, but you’re striking a pose like you’re dressed to the nines and have a horde of adoring fans at your feet.

Well - you have only the one fan present, but with enough adoration to serve a multitude.

I cheer at you, and you ham it up, moving from pose to pose in a way that would make Freddy Mercury look shy and retiring, finally whipping off your towel to massive whoops from the crowd.

 

 

_I bask in your adoration. God, I would have made an epic rock star... but one adoring husband is infinitely better than a world full of screaming fans... Still! One can dream..._

_When the towel comes off, my number one fan looks he's going to pass out from the sight. The cheers and whistles confirm for me - this is better than millions of adoring, anonymous fans..._

_I crawl towards you on the bed. "Enjoyed that, Tiger? Consider it a taste of pleasures to come... I haven't forgotten about the delectable show you put on for me. When the time is right... you'll get your own peepshow-slash-pleasure palace experience..." I trail my finger along your lips and chin, down to your chest. "VIP treatment, Sebbie..." My finger moves back, and playfully pushes your jaw up. "and a very - very - exclusive - performance..." I look up at you seductively through my eyelashes. My coy act dissipates when my eyes pulse red._

 

 

I groan. "Don't, Jim... The mind is willing but the flesh is too full up from breakfast to move..."

God, the thought of you performing for me... you _are_ a rock star, _so_ incredibly seductive even when you don't make an effort. When you do... god...

Little Seb informs me that despite the state of my stomach he is more than happy to give things a valiant try, but if I move I risk belly cramps or worse, so I tell him to lay low and wait his turn.

 

 

_"When the time is right, I said..." I chide, pushing my finger into your chest. "*Patience*, Tiger..."_

_I'm hardly going to put on a show when you're half asleep from the breakfast I pushed you to eat. I guess I can relax about that a bit... I've just been paranoid about the effect of blood loss on your health. Since I already almost killed you once... but I've proven to myself (and hopefully to you) that I can control my 'drinking', as long as I have regular meals._

_I lie back luxuriously against the pillows. "As soon as you've digested, we'll go downstairs and do some gambling... do you want to watch a film until then?"_

 

 

“Yes, why not. I think we’re on to Eclipse...

You know, I could take iron supplements. You don’t need to stuff me every night. I mean - not like that,” I chuckle when I see your grin. “But I think it will be better for my waistline...” I reach over and pour myself another orange juice.

It’s weird, this flipped-over rhythm. It feels like it’s time to start drinking and going out, but we’re having breakfast...

Oh well, I’ve got used to weirder things in my time. I’m sure I’ll get used to this.

But you are right that I do miss daylight a bit. I’ve been nocturnal before on missions, but this is permanent. Getting up for a mid-day walk sounds like a good habit. I’ll start tomorrow.

You browse through the channels until you’ve found Netflix which does have Eclipse, snuggle into the crook of my shoulder.

 

 

_We settle into watching Eclipse... which quickly devolves into groaning at the storyline and the morose histrionics of Jacob. When I give him a sullen voice and talk over all his lines, you can't stop laughing._

_"Whoa, Bella... stop right there! You can't say no to my bulging muscles and emotional blackmail tactics!" I protest loudly. “You selfish vampire wannabe... how can you resist my constant guilt trips!!"_

 

 

"Stop it," I hiccup, "you're making my stomach hurt... god... at least you won't have to worry about that. I won't love a werewolf, or anyone else, even as a friend. Fortunately I have no unfertilized eggs inside me that can be his soulmate or what was it again..."

 

 

_I make a face. "Stephanie Meyers was really scraping the bottom of her creative reservoir by this point. And it just gets worse... but I insist we watch them all, they're too terrible not to continue!"_

_I look over at you. "Are you sure you wouldn't find a werewolf tempting?"_

_Jacob's voice returns with an injured glare. "Sebastian, I did something nice for you, now you owwwwe me a lifelong commitment... Whyyy won't you kiss me, I'm so temptingly insufferable!" I collapse against you, laughing madly. "Kiss meee!"_

 

 

"Oh... oh Jacob, I don't know... I so love you, but I love Jimward _more_... oh, oh what am I to do!?" I put the back of my hand on my forehead, roll my eyes dramatically to the ceiling.

"I know! I'll simmer and brood dramatically." I do my best to recreate Kristen Stewart's vacant expression, but fail, giggling.

"Let's have a shower; I think I may be able to move again. And then get dressed to impress - I want to show off my gorgeous husband to everyone..."

I kiss your neck.

 

 

_I let you pull me up and take me to the shower._

_Under the spray of water, it's remarkably challenging to keep my paws off you. I kiss several bite marks softly and sensually._

_"There are a lot more, Sebbie.." I grin up at you from where I've kissed the mark over your heart. "If I keep going south, we'll be in this shower for a very long time..."_

 

 

"Rhrnghn..." I purr from where my head is leaning back against the tiles.

"It's our honeymoon... who cares how long we are in the shower... however, if you keep going on like that, my knees may give out... _fuck_ Jim, it feels _so_ good... You're _amazing_... it's a good thing humans don't know about vampires, everyone would want one..."

 

 

_"Well... everyone can't have one..." I say loftily. "Anyway, most of them would drain humans dry. And *I* only want one particular human... the one who’s in my grasp..."_

_My hands touch the shower tiles, boxing you in. I look down along your torso, and further._

_"I see several bites I haven't paid attention to, darling..."_

 

 

God - really? Probably a good idea though, blow off some steam before we're going out... it's not like we're very good at keeping our hands off each other. And why should we? We're married!

"Jim... oh god yes, please..."

 

 

_I stare up at you hungrily for a moment before dipping my head down to the spot under your rib with a puncture mark. I press a kiss to it, and then my tongue. I straighten up to kiss your lips, and then slide down your body deliciously slowly, down to my knees. I start at your ankles, kissing your wounds and then a fiery line up your legs. By the time I reach your pelvis, you're breathing hard. My hands grasp your thighs._

_"Mmm... I remember *these* bites," I say dreamily, and press my lips to the one on your left thigh._

_I begin to suck the skin, gently and then more insistently._

_My teeth descend._

 

 

You're on your knees before me, kissing me, licking my skin, endlessly teasing, until you finally get to the bites on my thighs. A path of pure delight shivers through my body as you kiss them, suck... suck harder... and then I feel your fangs come down and I groan, try to push myself closer to you - oh god please –

 

 

_I stare up at you as I delicately lick and suck the blood from this tender spot of flesh._

_"God, Sebastian... those idiot vampires have no idea what they're missing out on..." I murmur. "I on the other hand..."_

_I repuncture the opposite thigh and moan as I drink from it._

_When I've had my fill, I look up at you. "... *I* am quickly becoming a connoisseur of all the delicious spots to bite on the human body..." I say, resting my head against your thigh and sighing. Licking the blood from my lips, I lightly trail my fingers over your hard cock. I stare mesmerized as it quivers at my touch._

_"Mustn't forget the other delicacies, though... you have the *most exquisite cock*, Sebbie...” I remark, and drag my tongue over it devastatingly slowly._

 

 

Rebiting puncture marks has to be the hottest feeling on earth, I decide. I shiver and moan as I feel your fangs pierce the healing skin, feel your lips and tongue caress the wounds, feel you drink the blood - there’s nothing like it.

And then your tongue is on my cock and I stiffen - are you going to-? Do I want you to?

 

 

_My tongue lazily circles the head of your cock, and I look up at you with a feral smile. Lavishly I lave your shaft with my tongue, moving around your balls and back up to the head again._

_Hmm..._

_Don’t want you to experience pain there when you’re fucking me..._

_And god knows men are downright precious about their cocks._

_But how else to show every inch of you is mine?_

_Ahh... at the base of your cock. No friction during sex or blow jobs._

_Symbolic of the very foundation of your cock._

_And damn, but I want a taste..._

_To fully claim this beautiful cock of yours..._

_I move my mouth to the base, where I kiss it before my fangs lightly pierce the tender flesh. Your shuddering gasp is delectable... your blood is like the sweetest wine... I tongue the puncture marks, then suck and moan with pleasure, before I move to the underside and repeat the process - nip, lick, suck._

_Fuck. Me._

_I need to devour you. Now._

_I look up as if to whisper *Trust me*... and let my fangs retreat._

_Then with a growl, I take your cock in my mouth, and begin to suck you in earnest._

 

 

Your eyes tell me before your fangs do. You’re going to bite me... bite the most sensitive part of me...

... and I want you to, god I want you to...

It’s a crazy mix of dread, excitement, desire to surrender in this ultimate way, curiosity as to how it would feel...

And then your teeth are in my cock, and it’s taking all my self-control not to flinch away, to stand still and let you -

\- pain - I shudder - gasp - but then that feeling, that erotic tingle that is so intense in the rest of my body when you bite me - through my _cock_ -

I think I’m going to come there and then, but the feeling is different, intense, but less local and acute than an orgasm, it’s - unlike anything -

and then you bite _again_ , and tears jump into my eyes, just from the sensitivity of the place - right where the base of my cock meets the softer skin of the scrotum - fuck - I am clenching a water pipe with all my strength, trying to keep standing...

And then your mouth is round my cock, with the puncture marks at the base still glowing, and I groan, my knees shaking. This is - unimaginable...

 

 

_I make a pleased rumbling sound in my throat, as I suck your cock. So much of your blood I’ve tasted, now from the essence of your masculinity, my own blood is thrumming with it... potent lustful male energy... mmm._

_My hands squeeze your arse, fingernails piercing the flesh... I yank your pelvis forward, taking you deeper into my mouth, lips skimming the still-bleeding puncture wounds._

_I gaze at you, eyes gleaming as I suck you harder._

 

 

This is beyond words, beyond thought... I'm holding on to the taps for dear life, I couldn't keep standing if my life depended on it - the intense - tingle, combined with your mouth sucking my cock - I can't - I just can't -

My knees buckle. "Jim - I can't -"

 

 

_I’m up in a flash, holding you steady._

_“Come with me, Tiger...” I order soothingly, helping you out of the shower. “A little edging never hurt anybody...”_

_I wrap us each in a towel, and then drag you to the bed, where I throw you down on the mattress. I dive onto your still very hard cock, who trembles with anticipation at the touch of my lips. Yes, darling... we’ll finish you off very soon..._

_And indeed before too long, you’re gasping and moaning, grasping my hair as I suck you hard and fast, while cupping and fondling your balls._

_I grab my own cock and begin to stroke it - the sight of you writhing in ecstasy has made me so hard... oh fuck, Sebastian..._

 

 

I collapse onto the bed in relief - and my mind shuts off, no more coherence, just sensation - puncture marks all over my body, all connecting into a web of fire that makes my entire body tingle with ecstasy, and then your mouth on my cock again, and your lips and hands on the marks, and your lips and tongue all over my cock - and I _explode_ –

 

 

_Mmm... someone’s *eager*..._

_Your orgasm is gloriously ecstatic and intense, and feeds the flames of my desire. But... coming ahead of me? Ohhh, Sebastian... consequences, darling!_

_I grin and continue to suck you and stroke my cock. Shivers move through my body, and I moan softly._

 

 

I can't think, can't move, all my strength is required to just breathe...

I really am going to die one of these days... sex with you just keeps getting more intense and the bloodsucking - _god_ \- it's out of this world.

Vaguely I am aware of you moving - stroking your own cock - so hot - and still sucking me, and no - too much - Jim - please –

 

 

_I hear you protest weakly, but suddenly my orgasm is upon me, and now I’m the one who is shuddering and moaning and coming so hard... I collapse onto the bed in a daze._

_When I look up, I realize there’s semen on the duvet, and I’m too far from you... much too far. I crawl over to you and let myself fall against your body._

_“Sebbie,” I sigh. “Still amazing... no signs of hotness abating... if anything, I think it’s getting more intense...”_

_I snuggle into your neck dreamily._

 

 

"Fuck... what planet are we on...?" I manage to pant. My arm moves around you. I relish the feeling of your body moulded against mine, your head resting on my shoulder, your sweet words...

"I am not sure if the human body was meant to experience this... vampire sex may just be too hot, and I may just explode one day. What you did there - that was - unlike anything I could have ever imagined." My body aftershudders just at the thought.

 

 

_I stroke your chest and arms, noting the shivers._

_“You’re not concerned our fucking is too hot, are you?” I chuckle. “If anyone can handle intense sex... surely it’s you, love... “ I take your hand and kiss your wrist. “Besides, this is our wild Vegas night... it has to be intense, so it’s loud enough to disturb the other patrons.” I give you an innocent smile, and lick your wrist._

 

 


	21. Viva Las Vegas

They're all livin' devil may care

And I'm just the devil with love to spare

Viva Las Vegas

 

 

Heh - alright, if you can live with my colourful past if we agree it was just gaining stamina for this... I grin.

"It's the most intense experience I've ever had in my life, I can say that hands down. And well - I haven't been lacking for intense experiences, and I don't specifically mean the sexy kind - the Regiment is a thrill seeker's wet dream. Unfortunately many of the thrills involve a lot of hardship as well, but you can't have everything.

But - yes! Hot Vegas night! I'm afraid we seem to have got slightly dirty again - maybe another quick shower without incapacitating your Tiger?"

 

 

_I give you a lazy smile as you get up. "I'll do my best," I purr._

_You appear unconvinced. I grin, and extend my hand. You pull me up, and soon we find ourselves in the shower again._

_As the hot water pours over us and the stall fills with steam, I hand you the body wash. "I love the feeling of your hands on me..." I say, smiling sweetly._

 

 

"And I love touching you..." I say, pouring the stuff into my hands and running them over your smooth skin, savouring the exquisite scent, remembering how we did this before our wedding... in a kind of anointing ritual... and now we are married. Signed a stupid piece of paper, exchanged ridiculously expensive bits of metal, and here we are. Together forever.

And though I know marriages aren't worth much these days, you do strike me as the kind of man to take a vow seriously... and I definitely do. So - it is a kind of big thing. And despite all the risks and maybes, I'm ridiculously happy. And more than ready to show the world.

We get out of the shower and get dressed. I put on my wedding suit again - I didn't wear it for long yesterday and it is my most fabulous suit - the other ones would look scruffy next to your perfection.

 

 

_I dress in another suit, this one a lovely smoky charcoal with a pale grey shirt and a tie in paisley red and black. When I'm done getting ready, I saunter over to you._

_"Well, don't we look positively smashing... everyone will want to fuck us, or be us, or both."_

_I smirk. "Strange thought... being us *and* fucking us. Sounds downright porny, doesn't it..." I press myself against you. "Oh my, you seem to have unleashed all sorts of deviant fantasies, darling... we'll have to explore the possible ones. Our Vegas honeymoon may turn out to be such a fuckfest that we'll need a holiday after to recover..." I smile at you slyly._

 

 

"Said holiday will have to be in a convent... or on separate continents," I grin. "Let's not stray too far from the hotel, because with you looking like that, I won't be able to keep my hands off you for very long..."

You look, once again, _superb_. I can't recall ever having seen you otherwise... You're elegance personified. This outfit, tailored, of course, makes you look sophisticated and suave, a rich and tasteful businessman out having a good time with his new husband... and said husband doesn't look too shabby either, if he says so himself. Still, next to you I’ll always look like a hulking oaf.

I will have to remember not to take off my tie and loosen my collar or roll up my sleeves when we're out - I'm kind of covered in bites... and it will be hard to convince people those are love bites, even though they are.

"Ready, my love?" I ask.

 

 

_"Ready to show you off, honey..." I smile. "Even though all your beautiful stripes are covered up," I remark sadly. "Well, in a couple of days, the bites will have faded enough..."_

_I extend my hand and you take it. We walk down the hall towards the elevator, looking at each other._

_"In the criminal world and the vampire world, it can be seen as a weakness to show your feelings for someone... your *vulnerability*. But here... we're anonymous. Nobody knows Jim Moriarty or Sebastian Moran... we're just two newlyweds. And Richard is ready for some fun, Sebbie..." I grin, and step into the elevator._

 

 

"Let's party then, my beloved Richard... let no one say that Sebastian Moran doesn't know how to show his new husband a good time."

We leave the hotel and walk down the Strip. "Let's go see the fountains? Seems to be the thing to do for newlyweds in Vegas..."

We walk down to the Bellagio, where a show has just ended. People are walking away, and I find a spot on a bench where we snuggle up.

 

 

_I settle against you, happy as a clam. I take your hand in mine and squeeze it, looking at your tan skin. I trace your pale scars in fascination._

_A strange flutter moves up my spine. I narrow my eyes, then glance casually around us. I don’t sense any vampires in the immediate area. Huh. Then what the hell was that?_

_I turn to you. “So? Where do you want to start gambling? I’m looking forward to seeing you in action,” I smile up at you, pushing aside my concern for the moment._

 

 

"The Golden Nugget is recommended for the diversity of its games," Vegas Expert After a Google Search notes. "Also, it has this huge golden nugget, which just captured my imagination - if we get bored over here we can steal it in the heist of the century," I grin. "They'll make films about us...

Oh look - the fountains are starting..."

Viva Las Vegas blasts out as the jets of water start dancing in a multitude of colours.

 

 

_I roll my eyes, grinning at you. "Could this place be more over the top? It's like an amusement park for adults. No rides, except the kind that take place behind closed doors..." I say with a wink._

_For a moment, my past flashes through my memory, and I slam down a barrier. Jesus. I died to my human life, so that means my past should be dead, too. The one downside of engaging with life and love is seeing old ghosts slowly coming back to life... *feelings*... now *memories*... only feelings are more than enough. I certainly don't need memories fucking up my mind._

_I watch the fountains, and take comfort in the feeling of your strong arm around me. In this moment, I feel so small, so *vulnerable*... don't ever let me go, Sebastian..._

 

 

I want to tell you that there are, in fact, rides, but you don't seem to want to talk more; instead huddle closer to me, stiffen a bit - oh my sweet little Richard, what is going on?

I don’t ask - I'm sure you'll tell me if you want to. For now, you seem to just want me to hold you, and hold you I do, close to me, my arms protectively around you, automatically scanning the surroundings for threats, potential sniper vantage points, people carrying guns, anyone looking at us... I don't see anything, but I won't give up my vigilance, my sweet darling.

 

 

_Your protective air increases... you must sense when I'm feeling ill at ease._

_"You really are the perfect bodyguard, husband, love of my life..." I murmur against your chest, and rest against you._

_After some time, the moment passes and I feel like my cocky self again. I look up at you with a smirk. "Ready to hit the... what? Poker table? Roulette wheel? Surely not slot machines? What's your game of choice, Tiger?" I ask, curious._

 

 

"Any one, really - I love the different atmospheres, different settings - some that are pure chance, some which require a sharp mind - and a poker face, which I certainly have," I grin. Gambling wasn't allowed in the army - didn't stop us from doing it, of course. I was good at most games, but didn't play for high stakes; it wasn't worth antagonizing people over. When I was young, however, I'd use a few simple tricks to get some extra income from the rich kids - never enough to arouse suspicion, but it had paid for some good nights on the town.

I know I won't be able to use any schemes here, it's just going to be chance and the odds are always in favour of the casino - but I love the excitement of a gamble, and I have a few dollars that I won't miss if I blow them all away tonight.

 

 

_"Then lead on, Tiger... into the belly of the beast..." I intone, and hop up jauntily from the bench._

 

 

We get a taxi to the Golden Nugget. "Oh look - there's a Mob Museum here," I point at a sign. "Open till 9 - we could go some time if you like."

We enter the casino, which is pouring glitzy entertainment down on us. "Ah good, they have a shark tank. So now we know what happens when people can't pay their debts..."

We walk through the slot machines, which always look a bit sad to me. Reminds me too much of hopeless old people sitting at one in a pub, having one half-pint and slowly feeding all their money into the hungry beast. No, the tables are more fun - people dressed to impress, laughter, excitement.

First things first. "Champagne, my love?"

 

 

_I love love love walking through this space arm in arm with you... the lights... the sounds... the excitement and adrenaline, fear and desperation..._

_and the fact that we are clearly the hottest things here, and probably in all of Sin City._

_Sets of eyes flicker over us, lust after us, track us as we cross the casino._

_"Ohh, let's," I coo, already feeling intoxicated by the swirling emotions and sensations in the room. "And then you can show them how it's done, Tiger..."_

 

 

I order a bottle of champagne at the bar, which they deliver to the roulette table in an ice bucket, with two glasses. The waiter pops the cork and pours for us.

A blond lady in a sparkling red dress turns to me and smiles seductively. "Something to celebrate?"

"Yes!" I beam. "We got married this morning!"

The shadow of disappointment on her face is quickly hidden by another beaming smile. "Well congratulations you two! Hope you have a long and happy life together!" She raises her glass of wine and turns back to the table.

I linked up my credit card online, so can pick up chips at the table. "What is your lucky number, darling?" I ask.

 

 

_I shoot a look at the woman's back. If she flirts with you again, I know who I'm having for dinner._

_"13, of course..." I say to you, loftily._

 

 

“Thirteen it is...” I put $100 on 13, and lose it. You pout adorably.

I then put $200 on black, and win, leave the winnings on black, win again.

“That’s a $500 profit, not bad for five minutes... do you want to continue or move on?”

 

 

_"Well played, Tiger!" I exclaim. "Quit while you're ahead. Let's move on to blackjack..."_

_I've never gambled in my life - always thought it was a game for plebes and tourists. Why gamble for chump change when the house always wins, and you can play for infinitely higher stakes and stack the decks against everybody else? But it feels strangely freeing to not dwell on winning or losing, and just enjoy oneself on a night out on the town, with one’s hot new husband..._

_But I still want to *win*._

 

 

We head on to the blackjack table. An alert waiter moves our champagne bottle.

"Seeing as half of what I own is now yours," I grin, "why don't you take the lead on this one?" I give you a handful of chips.

 

 

_I scan my mind map for the rules of Blackjack - just the tiniest packet of information saved in the section known as General/ Games/Gambling (a subsection of Trivial Information, May Be Useful)._

_"Did you know, Tiger, that the first documented reference to Blackjack, or Twenty-One as it was originally known, was by Miguel de Cervantes?" I inquire as we near the table. "From a novella about a couple of cheats from Seville."_

_I eye you playfully, step up to the table, and place a chip on the green felt._

_"Just one game of blackjack, then dinner?" I say to you in a New York accent._

 

 

Oh yes, dinner... shouldn't be too difficult around here.

"Sounds good, darlin'." I don't dare try a US accent in the actual US, so I settle for Scottish. I see your eyes glint.

The dealer deals the cards - he has a five and a face-down card, you get an eight and a King.

 

 

_Eighteen._

_“Stand,” I say to the dealer, sounding unsure._

_The young man flips over his hidden card - four. With his exposed card, this brings him to nine. He keeps dealing cards and announcing totals until he reaches twenty._

_My chip gets taken away._

_I curse softly, and place another chip on the table._

_“Sorry, sweetheart...” I say to you. “I want to try again...”_

 

 

"Of course, my darling - Please don't apologize for someone else giving you the wrong cards..."

My hand moves to your arse, squeezes it. My left hand, with a ring on it. My grin couldn't be wider. I almost wish more people would come up to flirt with us, so I could announce again that _we got married this morning_! I lean over and kiss your cheek.

 

 

_The dealer seems momentarily distracted by this, and fumbles the cards that he deals me. He mutters an apology._

_I look at him again. Oh. *Very* cute gay boy. Such pretty blonde hair... Which of us do you like, sunshine? This will be an excellent distraction for our dealer, while I attempt to deploy strategy I’ve only read about in a game I’ve never played._

_I turn and kiss you on the lips, then look back at the dealer. “Sorry... newlyweds,” I say sheepishly._

 

 

Oh we're distracting the dealer now are we? You horrible man...

I look down at you lovingly, then grin at the dealer. "Very newly - this morning! I'm the luckiest man in the world..." I stroke your cheek and you giggle. "Internet romance - but it was love at first sight when he stepped off that plane..." I continue in my best Edinburgh accent.

 

 

_“Con-“ his voice comes out sounding rusty, and he clears his throat. “Congratulations, Sirs,” he says, trying to sound cool and professional. He glances back at his pit boss, observing tables in the area._

_“You’re both very lucky,” he says quickly and quietly, then flushes and makes a flustered gesture at my seven and Jack. “Hit or stay, sir?” he asks, trying to get back on track._

_I flash a smile at him. “So sweet of you. Hit me,” I purr._

 

 

Jim, you're _impossible_...

I can't hide my grin, but that's fine, because I was grinning from arse to armpit anyway, and who wouldn't, after marrying you.

Risky, my love... the dealer pulls a card. A three. Well done.

He is awfully cute. A shame we are both jealous as all hell.

 

 

_“Twenty,” he announces._

_“Well, then I guess I’d better stay...” I say in a suggestive voice. He looks like he’s going to faint. Oh, this is too easy... no way he’ll notice anything I do. And if the cameras pick up anything and a pit boss comes over, you can distract him. Or I’ll throw vamp enchantment at him... whatever. Vegas is outmatched._

_“Gonna flip your card?” I ask helpfully as he gazes at me._

 

 

He flips his card. He had a six, reveals a two. He draws another - five. Thirteen. Another. Six.

 

 

_I lick my lips. “Mmm... looks *good*...”_

 

 

You've won. You get two chips. And a _very_ confused, flustered, hot look.

"Let's move on, my dear..." I say, pour the last of the champagne in our glasses, and head away from the table.

I look at you. You look at me.

"You don't want to drink _him_ , do you?"

 

 

_“No, no,” I assure you. “He’s so a*dor*able, it would be a shame to drink him...” I look back at him staring after us mournfully, and ignoring the players waiting to be dealt their cards. “Aw, Sebastian... The poor darling... I think he likes us...”_

 

 

“Doesn’t get a lot of hot gay couples over here, does he? Poor chap...” I smile.

The boy has regained his composure and is dealing cards while just _very_ occasionally sneaking a _very_ surreptitious glance at us.

Yes, I have a weakness for shy cute gay boys. Richard.

However, I also have the hottest husband in the world, who is of the exceptionally jealous persuasion. So I don’t look back at him.

 

 

_My sweet Sebastian is paying attention only to me._

_My heart glows, and I pull you into a kiss._

_“I love you,” I whisper, staring into your eyes._

_Cute gay non-husbands forgotten, I slide my hand in yours and wander towards another table._

 

 

"I love you, my gorgeous husband..." I smile. Wow. You are gorgeous everywhere in every way, but here, in this pleasure dome of pretty people, lights reflecting in your dark eyes, your smile so genuinely happy - you're otherworldly. You're lifting up this entire place, making it from some gambling den into a mysterious haven of delights, simply by your presence.

"Didn't you want dinner?" I whisper.

 

 

_“Mmm, yes. Dinner sounds *wonnn*derful...” I whisper back, staring into your eyes. My hands go around to the back of your neck. “I’m so distracted by *my* gorgeous husband, I haven’t even looked at the menu yet...”_

 

 

"Well, we can go somewhere else, probably better. Or just outside and grab someone drunk - careful not to spill your food on your gorgeous outfit. And then we can do some more gambling, or go dancing..." I see your eyes light up at that. Ah yes. I thought that was more your thing. And I can't wait to see your full fabulousness come out on a dance floor.

 

 

_I wave my hand carelessly. “Someone drunk is fine... Doesn’t need to be a gourmet meal. I’m just looking forward to going out dancing with you...”_

_I pull you with me, and we cross the floor of the casino. I feel eyes on me as we go... aww. Sweet gay boy... it clearly isn’t in the cards for us._

_When we exit the main doors, I scan the street. Drunk couple, drunk couple, drunk students, screeching bachelorette party, drunk couple, drunk couple having an argument..._

_The woman is shouting at the man, and he is focused on his phone screen, which he takes breaks from occasionally to yell back something sarcastic. Ugh. He seems like a self-absorbed twit. “She’s better off without him,” I remark, and shoot you a feral smile._

 

 

"I admire your altruism," I grin. We wait around, animatedly chatting while I have a fag. Eventually the couple walk off, he walking ahead, she following, still arguing. I stub out my fag and we walk behind them, keeping our distance. They have a shouting match and the guy stomps off. The woman stays behind, crying, then gets a taxi. Perfect. I look at you - did you have something to do with that? Can you influence people from a distance?

You sniff the air, point to a side street. We rush down it, cross two streets, go round a corner, and there is our friend, still stomping forward angrily.

 

 

_I watch as the man holds up his phone and fires off a text, muttering. And then another... and another..._

_“So much blustering to do, the poor lamb...Maybe we can help him forget how hard done by he is...” I murmur to you, then jerk my chin towards him._

 

_You grin and move forward. “Oi, mate - got a light?” you call out._

 

_He looks back, annoyed. “Oi? Mate?” he repeats disdainfully. “What the fuck?”_

 

_“Oh, dreadfully sorry - Hey! *Buddy*!... got a light?” you ask in a cheerful voice._

 

_He stares scathingly. “Oh, you’re - English?” he says slowly, thinking. His face brightens. “A light for your - *fag*?” he says, sounding absolutely delighted with himself. Then his eyes flicker over to me and he laughs - a very unpleasant little noise emitted from an unpleasant little face._

 

_“Did you see what he did there, darling?” I say, sounding impressed. “Double entendre! *Well done*, young man,” I say to him, loudly and slowly._

 

_The look of indignation and outrage on his face is so ridiculous, it’s almost impossible not to laugh. I hang on - barely. “Well, precious? Do you?”_

 

_“Do I *what*?” he snapped._

 

_“Have a light,” I purr, smiling at him._

 

_“Is that some kind of English code for fags? Not interested, asshole,” he snaps, and continues walking._

 

 

Oh great.

“Darling, do you get an upset tummy if you eat a homophobe?” I ask, cutting him off.

“Fuck off you two,” he growls, trying to look past me, looking a bit less sure of himself.

“Not at all... they taste delicious,” you reply, having come up right behind him, making him jump.

 

 

_He wheels around with a look of fury, tries to shove me but I neatly sidestep him._

_But as I do, he throws a vicious punch at my jaw - he’s athletic and solid, and makes enough of an impact as I move away that I recoil._

 

_“Tiger!” I say indignantly, holding my jaw. “Did he just - *hit* me?” I’m more shocked and outraged than injured, but my jaw fucking hurts. I’m not used to prey fighting back for real - usually it’s just struggling and flailing fists._

 

_The man laughs loudly. “Aw. Did I hurt you, princess?”_

 

_I look at you, eyes narrowing._

 

 

The only reason the man is still alive is that I expected you to go for him straightaway and I didn’t want us to clash.

But you don’t, and look at me indignantly.

Right, _Princess_... you’re going to hurt.

I grab an arm around his throat and pull him into a side alley that’s even darker and narrower than the one we were in. He tries to elbow me, but I work him to the ground, put my hand on his mouth, pull out my handkerchief with my other hand, stuff it in his mouth, grab hold of his wrists, and growl, “You’ve hurt the _wrong_ fag, darling. This is my _husband_. And he’s going to kill you... but not quite yet.”

I look up at you, sauntering closer, not a thread of your perfect suit out of place, rubbing your jaw.

I pull the guy’s right wrist, dislocate it. He screams into the handkerchief. “You should not have punched the man I love...” I tell him when he stops yelling.

 

 

_I sulk as I edge closer. It’s wonderful to have a protective Tiger husband to punish wrongdoers for their crimes, but... I really should have been able to move out of the way quicker. I just did not see it coming. And the closer I get to him, the more livid I feel._

_“He really didn’t look like a puncher, did he, Sebbie?” I fume, then turn towards the man, now gasping with pain. “You don’t look like a puncher, darling,” I tell him, head tilting. “Well, consider that your one achievement in life - you laid a *hand* on a superior being,” I snap, eyes sparking. “Didn’t live to tell about, though...” I add, crouching to the ground._

_He shouts something unintelligible through the handkerchief but I do hear a muffled ‘motherfucking cocksucker’ at the end._

_“Well, now you’re just being impolite... “ My smile is ferocious. I get up, step on his good hand, and put all my weight on it as I grind it under my shoe. “Don’t worry, you won’t need it,” I say in a friendly voice as he screams again. “Your punching days are behind you, sweetheart...”_

_I look at you, and purr, “Let him go, honey...”_

_You release him, and he jumps up, holding his wrist, spitting out the handkerchief._

_“*Fucker*! If you didn’t have your *boyfriend* here, you’d be crying like a little *bitch*,” he snaps, and spits at me. I’m quicker this time. I avoid the flying saliva, then grab him by the throat. Slowly I lift him up. His eyes widen as his feet leave the ground, and he lets out a strangled scream as I lift him high in the air. Then I throw him to the floor. He lands in a heap, too shocked to react other than a loud grunt and moan of pain. I dive onto his neck, sink my teeth into his skin, and drink from him hungrily._

 

 

I’d hoped to get a bit more of a go at him - he _touched_ my _husband_ \- but he’s dying in a panic, so that will have to do.

You drain him, then dab the blood off your lips with your own handkerchief, stand up, brush the dirt off your knees, adjust your suit.

“Do I look acceptable, Tiger?” you ask.

“Absolutely ravishing, darling,” I nod, pull our friend behind a bin as you send off a text to the body snatchers.

We kiss, but the alley is smelly, so we leave it and stride back to the main area to look for a nice club to dance in.

“Oh, look who’s there,” I nudge you as we walk behind the Golden Nugget. Cute shy gay boy is having a cigarette outside the back door.

 

 

_Sweet gay boy is staring at us in stunned silence as if two holy grails are walking by him._

_Aww... *so cute*..._

_We make eye contact and his look of longing reminds me of how Richard felt when he first saw Sebastian. I slow down, and squeeze your arm._

_“Darling...” I hear myself whisper. “You wanted a wild Vegas night... should we invite the poor, sweet thing to meet us later for a drink?”_

_Oh. *Oh*... really? That was unexpected..._

_And how is my new husband going to feel about this?_

_I look up at you adoringly, a sly smile playing on my lips._

 

 

Wait - what!?

The most jealous vampire in the world wants to - meet for a drink with another guy?

"Are you sure? Like - for a beer? Not for a -"

You laugh. "No! I'm good for now - and he's too cute for that..."

Cute? "If you are sure you're alright with that..." Wait, I'm not interpreting wild Vegas night wrongly, am I? Well - how else can you interpret it!? And - I'm pretty jealous myself, but this guy - it would be like being jealous of a puppy.

"Sounds like fun," I grin.

 

 

_“Just follow my lead, Tiger...” I grin fiercely, and walk towards said sweet thing... who looks like he’s going to faint as we approach him._

_“Hey, can I bum one of those?” I ask in my New York accent, gesturing at his cigarette. “Oh... the blackjack dealer! How’s your night going?”_

_His eyes widen. “Fine... Yes, of course...”_

_He fumbles, drops a cigarette. “Oh, sorry! I’ll get you another one...”_

_He takes out another one, and gives it to me with a shaking hand._

_I take it, smiling at him. “Got a light?”_

_He pulls out his lighter, flicks it and holds it out for me. “Such a gentleman,” I purr, and hold his hand steady as I light my cigarette._

_“Do you know of any good dance clubs, honey?” I ask, and take a drag. “Good music, preferably some retro?”_

_“Retro? Oddfellows is great, I love that place...” he smiles at me shyly._

_“When do you get off work?” I inquire._

_He swallows hard. “An hour...”_

_“Tell you what... meet us at Oddfellows for a drink, if you like... we’re in the mood for a fun night in Vegas, and it would nice to have someone who knows his way around... we’re very good company...” I look up at him through my eyelashes, then walk away blowing him a kiss._

_He looks like his heart is about to stop._

_I turn to you, grinning. “I do hope he’ll show...” I say innocently. “What do you think? Fifteen to one?”_

 

 

Wow. I haven't been close up when you flirted with anyone before. Well, of course not. I'd have killed them. But this guy is _so cute_... And you flirted on _our_ behalf, which is different - actually quite hot.

And you're a _star_ at it, like I'd known you would be, even with the annoying accent. Looking at him with just the right level of interest - not your full-on magnetism, because he'd have shat himself, but just the perfect blend of friendly, promising, and _so_ sexy... I'd have thrown myself at you had you come at me like that. But instead I got Richard, and threw myself at _him_ with full gusto.

"Even if Oddfellows is closed, he'll be in there," I grin. "You're _very_ good at flirting, Richard Moran. I'll have to keep a very close eye on you...”

 

 

_“Promise?” I whisper, eyeing you flirtatiously. Once I get going, it’s hard to stop... and why should I stop? The hottest man alive is madly in love with me, we’re on our honeymoon, and may have a date for drinks with the most adorable blackjack dealer on the Strip. Oh who am I kidding? Of course he’ll be there..._

_I lean in and give you a heated kiss. “One drink, Tiger - and we decide if we want more. Together.” I murmur. “Alright?”_

 

 

Mmmmm bloody kisses... you taste so good after you've eaten -

"Yes. Of course. Any time you don't like what's happening - say it. I only have eyes for you, you know that... I want to have a good time with you. This city provides tools and toys for that - bars, casinos, clubs, music, food, drink - and cute boys. But that's all just to entertain my adored husband and me."

We walk to Oddfellows, which is advertising Nineties Night and thumping out Blur - sounds good to me.

 

 

_I strut into the bar, with you behind me, scanning the crowd for potential threats - with my rock star vibe, and my surly-looking bodyguard with hearts for eyes, I have successfully made my entrance. People stare at us openly, whisper to each other, try to catch our attention. We walk to the bar, where you call the bartender over._

_I gaze up at you. “Last time we were at a club together...” I trail off, shaking my head. “God. What was that, five days ago??”_

 

 

"Last Friday... it's now Wednesday, so yeah, five days - bloody hell Richard. Five days. We met five days ago." I burst into a fit of giggles. " _Five days._ We got married before we got to celebrate our one-week-anniversary."

 

 

_“Who - *does* that?” I grasp at your arm guffawing. “A fecking - vampire psychopath - and a hit man - that’s who-“ I dissolve into laughter, falling against you._

 

 

Your laughter is so infectious, so gorgeous to hear, I can’t help but dissolve into helpless giggles.

Oh god. Here we are, fearless killers, on our wild Vegas night, holding on to each other in order not to collapse. The people around us look bemused, but not unfriendly.

When we finally catch our breath, and I surreptitiously wipe away a few of your tears with my black sleeve, we kiss, then look at each other beamingly.

“You silly vampire,” I whisper in your ear, making you giggle again. You are _so unbearably cute_ when you do that...

“Can I order you a drink, my beloved husband?” I ask.

 

 

_“Hmm... rum and coke is my usual drink, but tonight is special. Make mine a chocolate martini... and if the bartender refuses, I’ll eat him...” I grin at you, and wait for my drink to arrive. I watch you talk to the bartender, who proceeds to flirt with you outrageously. You give him a cool stare and a polite smile, then look back at me and mouth ‘want me to kill him?’, before winking at me._

_I grin. Whatever happens with the sweet gay boy, tonight’s going to be *fun*..._

 

 

The bartender is practically throwing himself at me - is _anyone_ in this town straight? Or am I just so irresistible... I coolly thank him for the drinks and give him exact change - this isn't getting you a tip, honey. I'm here with my _husband_ of not even a day, and we have a date later...

I carry your chocolate martini over, take a careful sip - I'd never heard of it before - wince. "That's absolutely disgusting, babe. Enjoy." I hand it over to you, raise my own glass of beer. "Cheers! To the most beautiful man in this town, and his incredibly lucky husband.”

 

 

_I lift my martini glass, preening under your adoring gaze. There are looks of envy and desire around us, which is just the icing on the very delicious cake._

_“Cheers to the hottest of all bodyguards, ex-soldiers, hitmen, and humans... and his exquisitely beautiful vampire!” I wink at you, and sip from my chocolate martini. “Mmm. I don’t know what you’re talking about, darling... beer tastes like dishwater in comparison...”_

_Holding my glass carefully, I pull you into a kiss... which grows so hot and heavy, I do end up spilling some on myself, and yelping. “Fuck,” I yell, grabbing a napkin and wiping at the expensive material of my jacket. “What did you say would happen to anyone who spilled a drink on me?”_

 

 

"I'd throw them out of the club," I grin, grabbing you and lifting you up, making you squeal.

The music so far has been more my nineties than your nineties, but then synthetic strings, a bass line, claps - ohhhh, I'll wager anything that this is _right_ up your alley. So instead of putting you down I carry you the few feet to the dance floor before I put you back on your feet.

 

_Strike a pose!_

 

 

_The next thing I know I’m being grabbed and picked up and I *love* being manhandled by you... *so much* so, that the noises that come out of me are most unbecoming for a criminal mastermind - but fuck it. A criminal mastermind is whatever *I* decide... even if that means shrieking with delight at being tossed around by one’s hot, muscular husband... who’s now carrying me to the dance floor because... *Oh*._

_Darling, it may have only been five days but you know me so well…_

 

_I stalk the perimeter of my dance space, effectively clearing away any worshippers that might get in my way. You position yourself in front of me, leaving enough room to let me strut my stuff..._

_Which I do. Oh, *I do*..._

_and I don’t just mimic Madonna’s moves like the peons do. I make my own rules, as always... In life, I am King... on the dance floor, I am a *god*._

_I’m a whirlwind of swaying hips, strong balletic arms, and majestic, sweeping movements across a floor lit up by flashing lights. My head is thrown back, my eyes are glittering, my gaze is feral seduction... I am Bacchus and Pluto and Venus all rolled into one, and every set of eyes in the vicinity are on me, as they should be._

 

All you need is your own imagination

So use it that's what it's for (that's what it's for)

Go inside, for your finest inspiration

Your dreams will open the door (open up the door)

It makes no difference if you're black or white

If you're a boy or a girl

If the music's pumping it will give you new life

You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it

 

Come on, vogue

 

_After striking a pose that owes more to Freddie than Madge, I twirl towards you, and throw my arms around your neck._

 

Let your body move to the music (move to the music)

Hey, hey, hey

Vogue

 

_You’ve pulled out some fancy moves, and we’re dancing like film stars from the golden age of cinema... it’s fair to say the audience is in awe, as cheering and clapping ensues._

 

 

You are on _fire_. Moving from pose to pose with such grace and poise that it's hard to remember I'm supposed to be dancing _with_ you, not standing open-mouthed dribbling saliva onto the dance floor. But I wouldn't dream of disappointing you...

You're sending out little signals with your eyes where you want me to be, and I make sure I am, to catch you in my arms, spin you around, and then you're over _there_ and you want me _there_ and then you'll be coming to me like _that_ \- we're dancing like we have been doing this for years, and it's beautiful to see you go full out like you couldn't do while you were being Richard.

Now I _know_ , I can see your vampire speed coming in - minutely adjusting at the last moment if I am not exactly where you thought I would be - but overall we work like a dream.

 

_Vogue vogue vogue vogue..._

 

You are striking a pose and I'm on my knees before you, and there is a circle around us with people looking and applauding.

 

The next bass line segues in, and I inwardly groan, but I see you light up - and there's no doubt who the real star is here.

 

_oh baby baby_

_oh baby baby_

 

There you go - you got your Britney...

 

 

_I lean over, and trail a finger up your chest before flicking your chin up..._

_Then I grab your tie, and make as if to pull you up - which you do deliciously slow and sensually._

_Fuck, Sebastian..._

_you are the *perfect* dancing partner - you always seem to know *exactly* what I want._

_When you're upright, your arms lightly go over my shoulders around the back of my neck - both possessively and lightly enough that I can move however I want._

_You sway your hips as you stare at me, and I swivel mine slowly._

 

Show me how you want it to be

Tell me, baby, 'cause I need to know now -

 

_My arms slowly rise on either side of yours, as I continue to grind my hips suggestively._

_Your eyes heat up, and my lips part into a feral smile._

 

Give me a sign

Hit me, baby, one more time

 

_I lower my arms suddenly to grasp your hands, and push them hard against my lower back._

_Your hands curl against my sacrum, and I settle into them -_

_I make a noise in my throat at the feeling of being *yours*, the gleam of hunger in your eyes..._

_I move my pelvis subtly against your hands, and lick my lips._

 

Oh baby, baby

The reason I breathe is you

Boy, you got me blinded

Oh, pretty baby

There's nothing that I wouldn't do

It's not the way I planned it

 

_Suddenly you turn me around by the hips, so my arse lands square against your pelvis. Your arms move possessively around me - I melt into them, feigning surrender, before slipping out from your arms and backing away, shimmying my shoulders at you - *nonono*, darling..._

_You pout at me, and I laugh as I back away._

 

 

If someone would have told me a week ago I would be dancing to Britney Spears and loving it...

But you’re a delight and we could be dancing to anything and I’d be smitten. You’re so hot, and your moves are out of this world.

We end in each other’s arms, grinning wildly. I lean in to kiss you, when - oh.

The next track could not be more contrasted - the dirty guitar riff, the drums coming in - oh god this takes me back - Smells Like Teen Spirit –

 

 

_I cock my head as I hear the next song - of course I recognize it, even if it wasn't my kind of music. But I can certainly appreciate the simmering rage vibrating throughout. You seem delighted, primal creature that you are..._

_I lean in closer to you. "This is more your element... have at it, Tiger..."_

_I'll just follow your lead for this one..._

_The almost-sinister darkness of the first verses settles over us, the vocals stark and raw against the minimal guitar chords... nestled in the darkness I smile at you and wait._

 

 

I look at you, unsure if you'll want to leave the dance floor, but you're encouraging me to go ahead... Oh Jim -

I wouldn't have a clue how to dance _with_ someone to this, but I most certainly remember how we used to dance to this in the club...

I wave from side to side during the first verse, seeing you smile at me - what, are you anticipating?

 

_Hello, hello, hello, how low..._

 

The tension builds... still waving...

And then the chorus erupts, and the dance floor explodes, as do I - jumping up and down, banging my head, peripherally aware of just how incongruous I look pogoing about in my beautiful suit, but it's great to be in my early twenties again, doing Selection, my early years in the Regiment when everything was exciting and all my mates were great...

 

_A mosquito... my libido... yeah!_

 

I look up to see how you are doing, if I need to save you from the heaving masses.

 

 

_I watch you as you cut loose to the screams of Kurt Cobain._

_You're dancing less like a rock star and more like a rabid fan - once again, our personalities mesh so perfectly, it's astounding. The rock star in this relationship is me - but other than swaying back and forth to the beat, I have no idea how to dance to this music..._

_You seem to be connecting with your wild side, your youthful energy... should I do the same? Only my youth was not like yours - it was numbness, but it was also simmering fury, and muted terror... I see that now. Terror and the fury that springs from a bubbling cauldron of emotion under a heavy cast-iron lid welded to the lip._

_Hmmm..._

_I've been swaying more intensely, my face raised to the ceiling and awash with coloured lights - weaving hypnotically to the music, the wash of angry guitars, and the singer's growl..._

 

Hello, hello, hello, how low

Hello, hello, hello

 

_I explode into motion - leaping onto you, my legs going around your waist, and then dipping back, back, back towards the floor, your hands pressed to my sacrum and upper back._

 

With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us

 

_You bring me back up, my legs still wrapped around you - we're twirling around to the music, gazing at each other, my arms thrown around your neck._

 

I feel stupid and contagious

Here we are now, entertain us

 

_As the chorus draws to a close and the music segues into the bridge, you lower me to the ground. My hands trail down your chest, and slowly we separate. I return to swaying and watching you - my beautiful husband with the boyish grin, my majestic Tiger with the killer smile..._

 

 

You seem, if not quite in your element, not uncomfortable, and you're studying me with a fascinated look. And then just before the second chorus I catch something in your eye, and I ready myself - what are you - oh!

Suddenly you _jump_ me, and I catch you, and there you are, my superstar... pulling out the moves even to music I don't think you would normally consider dancing to. And then your hands are around my neck and I spin us around, the pogoing bodies all around us no more than background scenery.

When I return you to the floor, we sway together, not touching, but looking into each other's eyes. Before the last chorus, you nod at me - a nod of permission - and I go back to the mad jumping that feels so liberating, so chaotic, so nostalgic -

 

_here we are now entertain us_

 

The defiant entitlement of a lost generation...

 

_A denial... a denial... a denial... a denial... a denial..._

 

I step forward, embrace you, kiss you hard.

"Thanks for indulging an old Tiger," I grin.

 

 

_I grin back. "I'd hardly call you old, darling... another drink?"_

_You escort me through the crowd, which parts before us like the Red Sea - partly thanks to my haughty, predatory smile, and partly from the scowl you shoot people when they don't move. When they make eye contact with either of us, they scatter -_

_"Oh goody... I love terrifying the masses, even on my honeymoon," I smirk, and sling an arm around you as we sidle up to the bar._

_The same bartender flounces over, laughing at a joke from his co-worker - his eyes widen when he sees us staring him down._

_"A chocolate martini for me, and a beer for my husband - do you carry imports? None of your weak dishwater brews," I smile sweetly at him, and he stammers a list of imported beers. You make your selection, and we wait with an arm around each other, moving to the music._

 

 

We sip our drinks, laughing as we discuss how we'd go about killing the barman, then the other guests - getting more and more creative - when I spot a familiar figure walking in.

"Jim, look - it's our date."

 

 

_If my heart was still beating, it would be slamming in my chest right now. *Date*?_

_On our *honeymoon*?_

_With *my jealous streak*... *and yours*?_

_What the fuck was I thinking??_

_I glance up, and see the sweet thing walking in, looking like he was going to faint. He tucks back his blond hair behind his ear, and tries to look casual as he surveys the room._

_Ohhh, now I remember... sweet *prey*... not to kill or drink or damage... but the thought of his sweet face looking up at me as I lean over him... the thought of both of us railing that darling arse..._

_I realize I’m purring as I stare at him, then I look up at you._

_“So it *is*...” I smirk, and pull you in for a heated kiss. “Darling... should we give that sweet boy a night he’ll never forget?” I whisper, feeling my eyes gleam as I gaze into yours._

 

 

A shadow crosses your face and I think I've made an awful mistake - should I not have said that? Does it make you think that I want to date him? Oh shit did I kick off your jealousy?

No - you look up and you smile, a possessive look on your face - I know _that_ look - and then _my_ jealous streak flares up -

But then you look at me, and all I see is love, and you kiss me - so passionately -

You are _mine_. I am yours. Nothing could ever change that. It's a destiny written in the bones of the earth.

And this sweet, sweet lad is going to have the time of his life being the toy of the two hottest men in Vegas. Unreachable daemons, come down to earth for one night only, blessing him with a brief stay in Xanadu -

"Sounds like fun, my love. But - any time you feel uncomfortable - any time _I_ feel uncomfortable - he's out the door. No questions asked. Deal?"

 

 

_Ohh, darling... you could not be more perfect..._

_“Of course,” I whisper, and pull your forehead against mine. My eyes close briefly._

_“I love you, Tiger...”_

_We kiss again, and smile at each other adoringly under the sea of flashing lights, as the bass pulses and the music washes over us._

 

 

I am melting into a puddle of love as I'm staring into your eyes...

What are we doing letting anyone else in here, we must be mad. How can we decide to invite risk into our newborn union?

I almost laugh as I realize what I'm thinking. We are pretty much risk personified. Let's complicate the brand new marriage of a vampire and an assassin by adding a pretty boy to the mix, shall we?

I turn to look at the boy, who's spotted us, and is drifting into our direction uncertainly. I smile at him, he lights up, comes over - oh god how can he be so unbearably _cute_? He's so like Richard...

He makes his way to us, smiling. I kiss his cheek, say "Hi there! So glad you could make it! Can I get you a drink?"

He blushes ( _oh god I'm going to die of cuteness_ ) and stumbles "Yes, thank you..."

"What would you like?"

"Oh - nothing - whatever..."

I grin at him, turn to the bartender, order a rum and coke. Nice and sweet, but manly enough. He smiles, thanks me, takes a sip, manages not to splutter.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced - my name is Sebastian, and this is my husband Richard."

"Hi - hi, so pleased to meet you. I'm Fergus."

"Oh, Scottish ancestry?" Damn - is my Scottish accent credible enough if his parents are Scots?

"Irish, actually - from Munster - but many generations ago. I've never been. I'd like to though..."

 

 

_I watch as you play genteel host to our guest, and I’m admittedly relieved to not feel any jealousy._

_What accent was I doing again? Right, New York..._

_Fuck it._

_“Fergus...” I say in my New York accent. “We have something terrible to confess...”_

_He looks concerned and frozen, as he grips his glass and waits for what I’ll reveal._

_I lean towards him in a confiding manner, and continue in my real voice. “We were just having fun in the casino... I’m not from New York, Sebastian is not from Scotland. Now you know our terrible secret, “I say in a hushed voice. “Too much champagne makes us do silly things...”_

_“Oh...” he says, noticeably relieved and smiling. “That’s not such a terrible secret...”_

_“You don’t any think less of us, do you?” I pout._

_“I live in Vegas and work in a casino...” he says drily, gaining confidence. “You have *no idea* the things I’ve seen...”_

_I squeeze his arm. “Oooh! Do tell!” I demand._

_He looks down at my hand, and seems to go momentarily mute._

_I roll my eyes, grab him and kiss him soundly._

_“There,” I say, enjoying his shocked, enraptured expression. “Now that we got that out of the way, there’s no need to be nervous...is there, darling? Now, have your drink - and tell us a story...”_

_I look at you, shaking your head. I take a sip of my chocolate martini, and smirk._

 

 

I see you kiss another guy _right in front of me_ , and I don't feel a stab of jealousy. Just amusement. It would be like being jealous of your partner cuddling a guinea pig.

Fergus looks at me, uncertain. I smile at him to reassure him it's fine - I don't mind my husband (of not even 24 hours!) kissing him... I lean in, put my hand casually on the bar behind him, just touching his back.

Encouraged, he tells us the story of the man who fainted at the table a few days ago. Fergus has first aid training, so he went to take care of him, loosened his clothing first of all. Turned out the man was wearing a corset underneath - red lace and everything - that was way too tight and had restricted his breathing. Combined with the heat in the casino and the alcohol, it had made him faint. He found out from the medics afterwards that he'd been wearing a butt plug as well.

"And the things I see when I have a smoke break... people having full-out sex on the garbage cans - also bad stuff - I once saw a guy be stabbed - fortunately I could stem the bleeding, get an ambulance in time, but it's a crazy town. I love it though."

"So what brought you here?" Few people in Vegas are natives...

He blushes again. "I wanted to be a dancer, in the shows. Got a good gig at the Westgate, but the lady who hired me got... pushy. Basically she slept with most of her dancers, or you were out. So I figured I could find a gig somewhere else, but I took the dealer job to tide me over. I've got an audition next week that looks promising..."

Oh god. A _dancer_. Like you. I have to make a conscious effort to keep looking the strong silent type instead of like a fourteen-year-old girl who sees a kitten.

 

 

_It occurs to me that perhaps I should check in with you to see if you’re OK with me having *kissed* someone... I wasn’t thinking, I just did what came naturally. But you must be fine with me being an outrageous flirt, because you’re smiling and moving closer to us._

_Fergus, despite his shyness, is a good storyteller. I’m delighted with this insight into Vegas life._

_And then to discover he’s a dancer..._

_“A *dancer*! Well, darling... you’re not stepping out of this club without showing us your moves...” I purr._

_He looks stricken, and I order him another drink. “Now now, dear Fergus... modesty has no place here! You have a gift, and we just want to enjoy it...” I say flirtatiously. I hear you snigger and then cover it with a cough. Ignoring this, I press the glass into his hands. “Drink... and the next song, we’ll all dance.”_

 

 

"Don't be shy," I tell the poor lad. "Richard * _loves*_ dancing - we had a good go earlier. He'd make you dance if you were a plumber... No pressure. He'll want to be in the spotlight, won't you, darling?"

 

 

_“Oh...*well*...” I wave my hand airily. “The spotlight just has a way of *finding* me, darling...who am I to deny it?” I drain my chocolate martini. “Song’s halfway done... better hurry,” I say to Fergus, nodding at his glass. I watch as he drinks it obediently. Oh... you *are* going to be a good little toy, aren’t you. I catch your eye and smile smugly._

 

 

I adore how you just have this effect on people - you tell them what to do without thinking about whether they'll do it or not - people defying you doesn't even enter into your frame of mind. And as a result, people just do what you say without considering other possibilities. It's beautiful to see - I know you have the very same effect on me, but it's good to see it in action with someone else.

We edge to the dancefloor in anticipation of the next song.

 

_Tuh-duh-duh-tuh-duh-duh..._

 

Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me -

I grin, start moving seductively, mouthing along.

 

_Hey boy take a look at me_

_Let me dirty up your mind_

 

 

_Fergus looks stunned at your seductive charms..._

_And why shouldn’t he be? I know very well what it feels like to have the attention of this magnificent man..._

_Oh sweet thing, I croon to him in my mind. This is just the beginning..._

 

_As the chorus approaches, I stalk towards him._

_You and I are like animals who hunt in pairs - one distracts and herds the prey towards the other..._

_Fergus doesn’t stand a chance._

 

The queerest of the queer

The strangest of the strange

 

_I face him, lifting my arms and swaying my hips. Yes, it is mesmerizing... isn’t it, darling..._

 

 

Fergus is enchanted, but seems to remember that dancing is not a spectator sport, and starts moving himself. Graceful enough, but he is not a par on you. You're undulating towards and away from him like a hypnotizing cobra, and he can't move his eyes away from you. Neither can I to be honest - you're a marvel to behold, your body so supple, so precise, so fluent...

As the chorus ends you glance at me, and I move in for the second verse, prowling our prey seductively.

 

_This is what he pays me for_

_I'll show you how it's done_

_You'll learn to love the pain you feel_

_Like father, like son_

 

Fergus is gaining some confidence it seems, starts moving seductively back - oh, very good, my boy. I love what you're doing with those hips - you can do some more of that...

As the second chorus comes in, you move back in, and he starts moving with you, both of you waving around each other like sinuous sybarites, and fuck me if that's not one of the hottest sights I've seen in my life.

I move in and join forces.

 

_I know what's good for you..._

_You can touch me if you want_

 

 

_You’re behind Fergus now, and we’re staring at each other intently. Oh darling... as much as I’m looking forward to our little game with the sweet boy, our connection is what’s making this all *so hot*... I’m enjoying *hunting* with you..._

_I flick my tongue out over my lips, and smile before returning my gaze to Fergus._

_As you move closer, I grasp his hands and move them back to your hips. Then I move my hands to his shoulders. The darling boy is in a cage of sinuously moving bodies, and he’s transfixed by it. Of course he is..._

 

 

_Check-check-check_

_A-woo-hoo_

 

Ah, another indie classic. And a good one to do some dancing to...

The bass starts up, and we start moving, all swaying hips and roving eyes, your eyes regularly catching mine to check, coordinate - we hunt _so well_ together, my darling...

 

_Spitting in a wishing well_

_Blown to hell_

_Crash_

_On the last splash_

 

 

_I grab Fergus again, and pull him into something of a tango - and he’s well-trained enough to follow my lead._

 

I know you little libertine

I know you're a real coocoo

 

_As the music heightens in intensity, my movements get more aggressively dominating, as any good tango should go._

 

Want you coocoo cannonball

Want you coocoo cannonball

In the shade, in the shade

 

_Then I spin him into your waiting arms, and our eyes lock, heightening our desire._

_*Soon*, I mouth at you. Cat and mouse is all well and good, but this predator is growing hungry..._

 

 

Aw, I'm having such a good time...

But the next song is Loser by Beck, which, though a pleasant enough ditty, isn't really conducive to the atmosphere we're trying to set.

Still holding Fergus in my arms, I ask him, "We've got some good champagne in our hotel room, and it's less noisy... easier to have a chat. Fancy coming over? I promise we aren't dangerous serial killers."

Well. Not dangerous to _him_. For now.

 


	22. Gett Off

One, two, three, no, little cutie, I ain't drinkin'

Scope this, I was just thinkin'

You + me, what a ride

If you was thinkin' the same

We could continue outside

 

 

 

_Fergus looks from you to me like he can’t believe what’s happening._

_Like Christmas has come early, but he’s worried it’s a trick or a mirage..._

_“Really? Are you - sure?” he asks, wide-eyed._

_Oh, you adorable puppy... you’re going to be a *treat*..._

_“Darling, have you *seen* you?” I purr. “Why wouldn’t we want to have drinks with such an attractive gentleman?”_

_“Have you seen *you*?” he counters. “I know people think I’m *cute*, but you-“ he gestures at me. “*Both* of you...” he trails off, shaking his head. “Whole other level...”_

_“Make that an attractive, gentlemanly *sweetheart*...” I grin at you. “Well, listen - all the casino players you’ve had at your table, and then *we* ended up there... and then bumping into you later... Fate dropped this lovely little opportunity to meet into our laps... who are we to deny it?” I slowly squeeze his hand. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about Fate... the world is what I make it, and tonight what I want this sweet little gift to unwrap for me and my darling husband... I give Fergus a devastating smile, and wait. Three - two –_

 

 

He’s headed for the door, beaming. You grin at me; I grin back, and we follow him.

We get a taxi; Fergus goes in the front, we ride in the back, when something occurs to me -

“Jim - I just remembered - I’m covered in bites, aren’t I… Even on my cock - there’s no way I can take anything off. Is there - some vampire glamour you can do to make him forget about it? Or should we blindfold him, or what?”

It’s not going to be much fun if I need to remain fully dressed...

 

 

_I consider this for a moment, smiling with pleasure. Last night really was magnificent..._

_Fergus appears to be texting, and I take advantage of his distracted state to whisper to you, "I can do a small glamour, yes... but we'll keep it somewhat dark, just in case. Maybe not a blindfold, I rather like seeing the expression in the eyes...'"_

_I wink at you, and kiss your neck. "But when he's gone," I whisper into your skin. "I can't wait to admire all my beautiful marks again... and maybe add another one... or two..."_

 

 

Good lord. I thought I was in touch with my sexuality - turns out I completely missed out on the massive fang kink. Your comment makes me groan, my cock perk up. I look at Fergus, and at the moment, if he chose to change his mind after all, I wouldn't mind - I mean, I look forward to playing with him, but good god, You. You are what I want at the end of the night. Your love, your pain, your bites, your blood...

I'm just about to jump you when we approach our hotel. I pay and tip the cab driver as you gallantly open the door for Fergus and help him out. The three of us walk into the lobby.

 

 

_In the lift, the doors swish shut and we're alone. I smile at you both._

_"Fergus, sweetheart... do you find my husband attractive?" I ask in a purring voice._

_He looks momentarily confused and concerned. "Of course," he says, a hitch in his throat. "I find you both so beautiful..."_

_"Breathe, darling... it isn't a trick." Although if I were being cruel, it would be such a fun little game... but, no. We're not going to toy with the sweet prey - not like that, anyway._

_"Yes - very much..." he affirms, but his eyes never leave my face as he stares at me enraptured. Good boy..._

_Suddenly the room isn't nearly close enough._

_"*Such* a long way to the penthouse, with nothing to do... Do you want Sebastian to kiss you?" I ask curiously, as if I'm trying to suss out his favourite hobbies._

_His eyes widen comically. "Umm..."_

_"Sebbie darling - he's shy. Why don't you give him a quick snog and get acquainted?" I ask playfully, but I turn my face towards you and give you a heated look. One that says... when we're alone together, honey... I'm not going to stop at two bites..._

 

 

Why don’t I indeed? It would help if you weren’t looking at me with such smouldering eyes -

Oh well I’ll take dear Fergus here as the starter to build an appetite for the main course... he is appetizing...

I pull him close, gently, like he’s a frightened bunny; put my lips on his...

Oh yes, that’s what it feels like, to kiss someone else, someone who is not you. I used to do quite a lot of it back in the day... say a week ago. It feels infinitely strange now, the lips the wrong shape, the taste off, this unnatural warmth...

But Fergus is sweet, and shyly goes along with the kiss, and slowly gets more into it, and by the time the lift dings and we pull apart, he’s looking at me quite breathlessly.

“Welcome, honey...” I smile. A genuine smile, not my killer grin.

 

 

_It's admittedly strange watching you kiss someone else, but - stranger still that it doesn't trouble me. The looks between us, the mounting energy between us... is not something that can be questioned. Almost like - we've started a hunt for some delicious prey, and just want to finish it off - but the thing we're really looking forward to is being together again._

_Along the way, we'll be enjoying the hunt, alright... but especially doing it in tandem, getting to observe each other as hunters..._

_I watch as you coax Fergus... and he slowly loses his anxiousness and kisses you back._

_Fascinating... for a killer, you can be remarkably gentle and sweet._

_Now *me* on the other hand... I'm a different kind of hunter._

_I raise my face to his, eyes smouldering, and let my tongue dart over his lips - mmm. Sweet boy._

_"Come with us now, darling," I say, velvet over steel. Taking his hand, I saunter down the hall. I feel your hand on the small of my back as you walk along the other side of Fergus._

_I shoot you a heated look. Oh Tiger... I'm in hunt mode. If you touch me, I'm liable to mount you in the hallway._

_But I somehow contain myself, and soon we're at the room. I touch the key card to the reader, and then holding your hand and Fergus's hand, I back into the room, smiling fiercely._

 

 

I move inside, dim the lights to set an atmosphere, and to hide my more outlandish scars, then open a bottle of champagne, pour three glasses, hand one to Fergus and to you.

I'm no stranger to threesomes, but I hadn't _quite_ expected one on the night after our wedding night... but then, when do you do the expected?

I sit down on the sofa, invite Fergus to sit beside me. You perch on the arm like the diva you are...

 

 

_I watch as you pour champagne, and Fergus sips it cautiously._

_"Do you find it warm in here, my dear?" I ask innocently. "Let me help you with your jacket..."_

_I ease his jacket off his shoulders, noticing with pleasure that he's wearing a t-shirt and his arms are very good arms. Hardly *your* league - but then he trained in dance, not special forces, so that's hardly a fair comparison, is it darling? He has a dancer's build - lean, muscled, well-defined..._

_*Oh*. What was covered up by his casino uniform has been only partly revealed, and there needs to be more of it. *Now*._

_I lay the jacket on the back of a chair, and kneel on the sofa cushion, facing Fergus. His eyes are on me like a dog gazing soulfully at a steak, like it's everything he's ever wanted poured into one glorious moment._

_"Did I stay to stop?" I say playfully, and finger the sleeve of his t-shirt._

_Eyes fixed on mine, he pulls off his shirt._

_I feel my fangs descending and I make a show of snatching up my champagne glass, and dropping my head back to drink from it dramatically._

_Well. Shit. That was unexpected..._

_I'm not used to taking men home without draining them dry._

_I just need to convince my body to Calm. The Fuck. Down._

_Without sweet Fergus becoming aware that sitting next to him on the sofa is a bloodsucking creature of the night._

_Luckily, I have *you* to distract him..._

 

 

Whoa, I caught that - involuntarily response when you’re turned on, darling? Can you - turn it down without getting turned off? You must be able to - I didn’t see them when you were Richard and you were quite definitely turned on then.

I step in, moving my hand onto his neck, kissing him, stroking his chest and back - smooth and firm like yours, but too warm - funny how that’s already feeling wrong.

His hands move on me, start pulling at my tie, pull it off, then my jacket. I’m not sure how much you’ll be able to glamour him - I’m uncertain if I should let him look at my neck close up.

I look back to see how you’re doing - damn, with one party with randomly growing fangs and another covered in bites, this is going to be interesting...

 

 

_Oh, gaining confidence so quickly, Fergus? Not the best timing..._

_I see you shoot me a *look* as your jacket comes off. Right. Bites..._

_My fangs have retreated sufficiently enough to have a little word with our guest._

_Glamour-time..._

_"Ohh... *now* it's looking like a party..." I purr. "Sebbie, my love - why don't you play some music?"_

_Looking relieved, you extricate yourself from his grasp, and head to the sound system to plug in your phone._

_Fergus looks over to me, shyly. Interesting - Sebastian puts you a little more at ease, does he?_

_Oh, sweetheart... I'll take care of everything..._

_I crawl onto his lap, straddling him. As I slide my arms around his neck, I search for that weird, otherworldly part of myself that can weave a web of illusion... cast a net... and catch a man._

_I feel myself filling with night sky, glowing stars, and velvety whispers..._

_And letting it pour forth from me, and into Fergus._

_Yes, darling... let me in..._

_"Fergus," I whisper, gazing up at him._

_"Y-yes..." he says, eyes widening and growing unfocused._

_"Have you noticed anything strange about us, darling?"_

_"Just that - you're both so beautiful.." he smiles dreamily. "I'm s-surprised you would want me..." he confides._

_"Ahh... but you're *so lovely*, Fergus..." I assure him. "And we're going to have a *very* good time tonight, and then it will be time for you to go. But before we begin - you will not notice anything unusual about us - or our bodies - or what I might do to either of you... everything is going to be just fine..."_

_"Okay..." he agrees, smiling._

_"And you will not remember this conversation..."_

_"What conversation?" he asks, confused._

_I chuckle, and run my fingers through his hair. "Very good, darling..."_

_"Thank you, Richard..." he whispers._

_Oh, my sweet... I lean in and kiss him hungrily._

_This time I manage to keep my fangs hidden - but I suppose with the glamour in place, he would happily lie back and let me suck some blood out of him... I wonder if Sebastian would be OK with that, or if *that* would be cause for jealousy?_

_I break off the kiss, and lock eyes with him._

_"How are you feeling, Fergus?" I murmur._

_He blinks at me, and his eyes come back into focus. He smiles at me happily. "I have a beautiful man in my lap, kissing me. I'm over the moon... And you, Richard?" he asks, sweetly._

_I kiss him again briefly. "I'm feeling... delicious..." I smile, and look up at you, back on the sofa, grinning._

_Music has filled the room, and I realize what's playing. Darling - did you put on 'I Put a Spell On You' while I was casting a glamour? And this version would appear to be by Marilyn Manson, which is hardly soothing - but yes, yes, it's terribly amusing..._

_Ridiculous Tiger..._

_I give you a little eye roll, and manage to keep from laughing._

 

 

I think that was you doing your thing, and it was a bit - disconcerting to see. How you can just make someone do what you want, make them forget what you want them to forget, see what you want them to see - again a voice inside of me warns me that that could have been me, could _still_ be me - who knows what spells you cast on me?

But you look at me, roll your eyes, and you look so guileless, so conspiratorial - and I remember that I bloody _trust_ you. If you'd have cast a glamour on me you'd hardly have _told_ me about them, would you?

I grin at you over Fergus's shoulder, then move closer to him, start kissing the back of his neck, which gives him goosebumps.

I take off my shirt, trusting in your magicky stuff, press my naked chest against his naked back, move my arms across his chest, nip his earlobe.

 

 

_I'm still dressed to the nines, while my delectable husband and our boy toy are starting to show some skin..._

_and I *love* that. But I think you can do better than that, sweethearts..._

_"I think you're both still far too warm," I say idly, crossing one leg over the other, and resting my head on the back of the sofa. My voice is a soft purr, but the look I give you is anything but gentle. When we're alone again, Tiger... you're going to need a lot of protein to recover..._

 

 

Oh...

Oh my vampire overlord is getting decidedly overlordish... and I don't know about our Fergus, but it's certainly having its effect on me.

I get up, see Fergus staring at you with his light blue eyes completely transfixed. Yeah, I know, honey...

I kneel in between you, start undoing his shoes.

 

 

_Fergus's shoes and socks come off, followed by his trousers. He's now wearing only boxer briefs, and his body is beautifully lean and muscled. He appears absolutely mesmerized by what's happening, and I'm quite pleased this has nothing to do with my little glamour... the experience of someone like *you* divesting him of clothing, at the order of yours truly, well... how could the poor boy not be enthralled?_

_Especially when your trousers come off, along with your pants... weren't expecting that, were you Fergus? Or has your brain melted at the sheer size and beauty of my husband's majestic cock?_

_"*Beautiful*, isn't it?" I say admiringly, fondling your cock and watching it grow excited under my touch. "I don't think I need to tell you, Fergus - you're extremely fortunate to be able to see it... Because, my dear... I'm an extremely - jealous -" Vampire... *No*. No need to blatantly test such a light glamour._

_"- man. But you are special, my darling... so you will be allowed to touch it. And to be touched by it. Would you like that?" I ask in a curious voice._

_He looks like he's going to fall through the floor. "Y-yes. Thank you..."_

_Aww... we made the right choice, darling. I gaze at you fondly. "Sebastian... Fergus has one remaining piece of clothing to lose, and then - he would very much like to be acquainted with your cock."_

_Oh, this is just too much fun... and we've only just begun. A smile spreads across my face as I wait for the show to begin..._

 

 

I divest our guest of most of his clothes, then get rid of mine. I practically preen as I see both you and Fergus gaze at me hungrily.

I am not ashamed of my body... it's got a few scars, but I worked hard to get it into a good shape, and like to maintain it. I _love_ showing it off to you... and I _love_ you showing it off to Fergus; _your_ husband, that you're so proud of, which makes me just about float off the ground.

But I need to keep my wits about me, you want me to entertain our guest, and it would be most uncouth not to oblige.

I kneel down again, move Fergus' pants down. He lifts up to help, and I reveal a beautiful cock, just a tiny bit smaller than average, but perfectly formed, and well becoming such a beautiful boy. I look at it appreciatively - but you said Fergus should get acquainted with my cock, rather than vice versa, and my cock thinks that is an excellent idea, so I stand up again, my pride and joy at Fergus' head height - and he looks aside at you, then reaches out his hand, touches me gingerly - hmmm...

 

 

_He is Just. Too. Sweet. For *words*._

_Looking at me for approval always, *so* good..._

_"That's a very sweet introduction, Fergus - but I think we can do better than that..." I chide. "How do you normally say hello?" I say with a sly smile._

_He grins when he gets it, then strokes your cock once more before parting his lips, and taking you in his mouth._

_Oh. Tiger._

_My gorgeous love..._

_being fellated so *beautifully*, I have to say. I'll have to sample Fergus's mouth too before the night is done..._

_His hands touching your thighs... and then moving around to your arse and squeezing..._

_Mmm..._

_I look forward to mounting him... and then watching you have your way with him..._

_and with my vampire recovery speed, I'll then require the services of your mouth and his..._

_*It really is good to be King*, I think languorously... then sink back into the sofa with a sharp smile._

 

 

Oh - wow - oh that's a good mouth, a good mouth...

I look at you - I'm the one getting my cock sucked, but you are the one looking like he's on top of the world. And you are - you are in charge of all you survey, your two willing slaves performing for your pleasure... and we are your willing slaves, without a single word spoken to the effect, it's just your _presence_... so irresistible... the way you speak your orders, so confident that they will be followed to the letter, never even considering that they might not be - and it seems to be the most natural thing in the world to just follow them.

 

 

_My favourite part of this little encounter is that other than a few glances at each other, I’m aware that rapt attention is deliciously on me._

_“Fergus darling... onto the floor with you. And don’t stop what you’re doing...”_

_He looks at me hesitantly, not breaking his pace._

_I hop off the sofa, and take his jaw possessively in my hand._

_“Kneel, honey... Don’t make me repeat myself, now...”_

_His eyes glaze over, and he gets onto the floor in a hurry._

_My hand ruffles his hair, then moves down his back. I squat down, admiring the musculature as my fingers trail down to his bottom. “Such a sweet thing you are,” I remark, as I fondle his arse._

_He looks back at me, eyes aglow with pleasure. Yes, you’re a very good boy... but something tells me... let’s just see..._

_“But when I tell you to do something... if you don’t do it *right away*, I’m afraid I’ll be very cross...”_

_I smack his arse sharply, and he gasps._

_He stops sucking you, and looks back at me again, eyes aglow, but this time with lust._

_“Did I say you could stop?” I snap, but a smile plays on my lips._

_His eyes widen, and he goes back to sucking you fervently._

_“Oh no, honey... too late. Remove my husband’s cock from your mouth... and wait there on your knees. Sebastian, love - bring me my special bag...”_

_Fergus looks stunned, and hypnotized. And I can’t help but notice his sweet cock is getting *very* hard..._

_I smile at you, eyes blazing. The game is fucking *on*._

 

 

Ohhh... lucky boy. I’m sure you’ll go easier on him than on me - but it will be interesting to see you work.

I get your bag, put it on the sofa, ready for you to choose your weapon. Fergus obediently stays on his knees, his eyes widening when he sees the bag, probably trying to guess at its contents.

 

 

_I paw through the bag - which of my equipment can I use on sweet Fergus? He's clearly excited at the prospect..._

_I pull out restraints, and then slowly withdraw a riding crop. When it's freed from the confines of the bag, the end waves back and forth in a rather coy manner._

_"Sebastian..." I say softly. "Would you be a dear, and restrain our Fergus? By the window, where I had you yesterday..." I give you a glowing smile. Was that only last night? God, I can't wait to have you in my clutches again, naked and helpless..._

_You're clearly thinking the same thing, as you grin lasciviously at me - you take the restraints from me, then wink at Fergus reassuringly and extend a hand to help him up. (Oh Sebastian... you really do have a soft spot for shy gay boys, don't you...)_

_He hesitates for only a moment, before casting a concerned glance at me - then he gives me a quick smile before taking your hand to stand up and be led to the window._

_I watch as you gently raise his arms, and snap the restraints into place. He's not quite as tall as you, and far more lean. But it makes for a *very* fetching sight to see his naked body strung up for me and on display..._

_I saunter over, grab his arse cheek firmly. I squeeze it possessively, as I grab you and kiss you - my tongue slips past your lips, and you moan into my mouth. When our lips part, our heads turn as one and look at Fergus, who's watching with rapt attention. I lean my head against yours, and stroke Fergus's cheek._

_"If you do as you're told, darling... Sebastian will be so good to that pretty pink cock of yours. And if you don't, well..." My face moves closer to his. "Then I have other plans for it. But you do *want* to do as you're told, I know you do..."_

_"*I do*, Richard," he assures me quickly and hopefully._

_I kiss you, and then stare into your eyes. "Sebastian, I'm quite certain I didn't give permission to Fergus to speak... or to call me by name. It's all *so terribly confusing*, I'm sure - should I go gentle on the dear boy, or give him a taste of what happens when rules are broken?" I smile at you in barely concealed delight._

 

 

He’s so _sweet_... and so trusting, letting me tie him up - not that he’d be able to do much against me if he weren’t, but those big blue eyes look at me full of lust and trust... my protective side is most certainly awoken. I want to snuggle and kiss him, but our Lord is approaching and I can’t wait to see what you’re going to do with him... And then _you_ are kissing me, strongly, possessively, and I moan.

You’re toying with our dear boy and ask me to advise on what to do with him... oh, tricky...

“I’d start off easy, Sir,” I reply, giving Fergus the chance to pick up on the right form of address.

“Definitely make him feel your displeasure - he needs to learn - but not everyone is as sturdy as I am...”

I stroke Fergus’ smooth arse. “Feel how soft... you wouldn’t want to unleash your full wrath on him, I’m not sure if he could take it...”

 

 

_Slowly I stroke the other cheek, staring at you, and heat rises between us. Fergus makes a muffled sound in his throat. "Oh honey, is that what you think? That I would be so cruel?" I whisper to you._

_I grasp his cock in my hand, and he lets out a gasp. I look at him, as if I'd forgotten that he was there._

_"Are you going to do as you're told, darling?" I ask tilting my head. I begin to stroke his cock._

_"Yes - Yes, Sir..." he says in a breathy voice, and then groans, his eyes closing briefly._

_"Darling, your cock is *so lovely*," I say admiringly. "And your arse is so luscious, it's just begging to be fucked. I very much look forward to giving both my full attention. But until I know you understand the rules, I'll be far too distracted to enjoy it."_

_I stop stroking his cock, and he groans again. I take the riding crop and run it along his shaft._

_He looks at me, his sweet blue eyes widening. "Sebastian says I should start off easy," I say reassuringly, and he relaxes his shoulders. I kiss his lips, and he moans. Then I smack the riding crop against his arse, and he gasps into my mouth._

_"Fergus," I whisper, stroking the spot that I had struck. "That sounded like pleasure to me... are you feeling pleasure as I'm trying to discipline you?"_

_He lets a breathy laugh escape his lips, and shakes his head in a daze. "Yes... Sir?"_

_My tongue darts out over my lips. "Oh dear... then we're not *nearly* done..."_

_I smack the other cheek slightly harder, and he gasps and shivers. I resume stroking his cock, and he lets out a cry of pleasure._

_Fergus is going to be such a honeymoon *treat*... I kiss you hungrily, and sigh as you both moan at my attention._

 

 

You're loving this, aren't you... having two willing naked men at your disposal, while you're still fully dressed, wielding a whip.

And you look so perfect doing it, so natural - of _course_ you have hot naked men in your rooms every night, waiting on your every whim, ready to provide you with any pleasure you desire. It's the natural way of the world.

And Fergus has adapted to it so smoothly, moaning under your touch, shivering at your slaps - so weird, I'm not sure if he can see my stripes, proof of what you are capable of - and I groan at the memory - of last night - well - this morning - when it was me tied there, being blessed with your attention.

Odd that I'm not jealous in the least. I know you are eager to have me alone when we've finished playing with our sweet boy, and the fangs will come out - and I groan into your mouth. You pull back, grinning at me, lift your crop again and land a smack across both Fergus' cheeks, slightly harder than the previous two - not a par on what you do to me; you're taking your time, trying out your new toy, seeing what he likes, warming him up nicely.

 

 

_I think I can get a little more comfortable now... I pull off my jacket and tie, and hand them to you. You go off to hang them up, and I’m left momentarily alone with our naked, quivering guest._

_“I suppose this isn’t what you expected when we invited you back with us...” I say softly, stroking his cock again._

_He seems momentarily distracted, poor thing... closing his eyes, and breathing deeply._

_“Fergus...” I say, more sharply, continuing to stroke._

_His eyes fly open. “Sorry. Sir. It just feels - *so good* when you touch me...”_

_“Of *course* it does. But *my* pleasure is what you need to focus on. Darling.”_

_I hear you approach us, your footfalls quiet in the plush carpet. A smile plays on my lips as I increase the speed of my stroking._

_“That means you don’t come until it gives me pleasure. *If* it gives me pleasure. And your attention to your cock is secondary to your attention to me.”_

_You appear, and I pull you into a deep kiss. “You were gone for so long,” I pout._

_“My apologies, Sir...” you say in a sorrowful voice. “I just thought you might be thirsty.” You place a champagne glass on a nearby table._

_“I was. Don’t let it happen again,” I say in a sulky voice, then smirking I look back at Fergus. He’s staring at me with glazed eyes, breathing hard... aww..._

_“Sebbie, does it look like the poor lamb is finding it a challenge to focus on me while his cock is revelling in all this delicious stroking?”_

_I stop, and merely hold said cock in my hand._

_“Just *look* at it, darling...” I say, admiring. “Isn’t it beautiful - so silky to the touch. The head is *perfectly* formed. And such a luscious pink... it makes me think of a sweet! You simply must taste it and tell me... is it like a sweet?”_

_I let go of it, and stroke Fergus’s cheek. “So lovely...” I whisper._

_I thwack my crop against his arse, and continue to stroke his cheek. “Have I got your attention now, darling?” I say, arching an eyebrow._

 

 

I love seeing you play with someone else - huh. I hadn’t expected that. I’m not the jealous type, generally, but then I’m generally not in a relationship. Or married. And I feel very possessive of you.

But Fergus... he’s just too cute. And hot. And seeing you dominate someone - usually I’m too caught up in actually being dominated, and though I realize how magnificently you do that, it’s quite something to actually be a witness to it, see you play with your prey so beautifully... so fully in charge of the room, handing me your jacket and tie and knowing I’ll hang them neatly, like a well-trained butler.

It looks like you want me to take a more active role now though. And I’m all too keen - I love sucking a sweet cock, and if the owner of said cock is being whipped at the same time - all the better.

I smile at you, kiss you, say “Thank you, Sir,” and slide in between Fergus and the curtains onto my knees.

Hello there, little friend... let’s get to know each other a little better...

 

 

_I watch you sink to your knees on command - and then caress Fergus's cock and kiss it, before beginning to suck. His head falls back and he groans as he becomes acquainted with your spectacular cocksucking skills._

_Huh. So strange how neither of us appear to be jealous... what a disaster that could have been. Quite a gamble I took with such a sweet boy's life, but then this is Vegas, and I've never been averse to some measured risk._

_I run my fingers through your hair, and you look at me adoringly - and also questioningly. Such a good Tiger, so loyal and devoted to me, even with a sweet young thing's cock in his mouth._

_I nod at you approvingly, and you continue with a growl._

_Fergus's head is still hanging back, and he's moaning quite loudly._

_"Well, honey?" I say silkily._

_He groans and raises his head. "S-sir?" he manages._

_"What do you think of my husband's cocksucking? A thing of beauty, yes?"_

_"God... yes, Sir..." he says breathlessly, looking down. You give him a feral smile, and he moans again._

_The riding crop hits the back of his thigh sharply, and he gives a cry of surprise._

_"Eyes. Up. Here. Darling," I snap. "I'm *talking* to you,"_

_"Oh god... I'm so sorry, Sir," he moans, eyes widening._

_"Sorry is really too easy to say," I remark. "Now *being* sorry, that's another thing entirely..." I bring down the crop sharply against the other thigh._

_"Oh - god - Sir - I am, I'm *so sorry*," he gasps. His eyes are glazed, and he looks downright drunk with sensation. Pleasure and pain are fusing for him, and the dear thing *likes* it..._

_"You like it, don't you?" I purr. "You like me lashing you..."_

_*smack*_

_"being my prisoner..."_

_*smack*_

_"knowing we'll take our pleasure with you, and you may not come at all?"_

_*Crr-rr-rack*_

_"God!! Yes, sir!" he shouts._

_"Because I would hate to think you're just saying what I want to hear..." I say warningly, running the crop firmly down his back._

_"No Sir, god *no*... I love what you're doing to me..." he says beseechingly. "Please believe me, Sir..."_

_"We'll see... Sebastian, my champagne."_

_You stop sucking Fergus, who looks both sorrowful and relieved. You look at me in fascination as you get up and hand me the champagne glass._

_I take a sip, and then pour it over Fergus's back. He gasps at the sudden bubbling wetness._

_And then again as I begin to rain down lashes across his back._

_And then again as I nod at you to return to sucking him off._

_"You're not getting close to coming are you?" I say in a dangerous voice. "Uhh - I'll try not to, Sir..." he says breathlessly in between cries. "But it feels so good..."_

_"So you really want whatever I want?" I ask, as if I'm puzzling something out. "Yes, Sir... I do..." he groans as I reach his lower back._

_I bring my face to his. "Fergus, I wouldn't normally let anyone touch my husband. He belongs to me. So it does come at a cost to receive this attention from us. Do you understand?"_

_"Yes, Sir - I do..." "So this is why it's very important that I know that you're willing to do whatever I ask..."_

_"I am, Sir - oh god - I am..."_

_I smile, and kiss his lips._

_"Alright then... I have something for you to do for me. And it will make me very happy. Do you want to do it?" "Yes, Sir..." he seems nervous, but stares at me directly._

_I kiss him sweetly and gaze at him with affection._

_"Sebastian. Stop sucking Fergus's cock. Mine needs your attention for a while."_

_Obediently, you stop, kissing Fergus's cock, and getting up._

_"First get the blindfold out of the bag and put it on our sweet guest. Then open the curtains. And then come over here and take my clothes off." I saunter over to the bed and wait for you. "I want you to suck my cock. And darling? make it loud..."_

 

 

Mmm, Fergus' cock is responding _beautifully_ to you... he's enjoying my ministrations, but he _loves_ your attentions, be they verbal or flagellant.

He's going to be so devoted to you by the end of tonight... it's going to be hard to get rid of him. Well, we'll deal with that when we get to it.

I'm ordered off his cock, which is probably a good thing, because between you and me, I don't think the poor thing was going to last much longer. You order me to blindfold him, and then - oh. He _does_ get to be displayed to the town.

It is very late by now, and we are high up - but still... it's generous you allowed him a blindfold, less chance of recognition. He _does_ work here, after all...

But our young friend doesn't protest at all, is indeed breathing very fast as I open the curtains, and his cock is proudly erect. I look down - I see the lights, but there's no way to see any individual people or rooms from here. Doesn't mean they don't see us...

I move to the bed, kneel in front of you, looking into your blazing eyes. God, you're loving this, aren't you...

I undo your cuff links, put them on the bedside table, then unbutton your shirt. You grasp my dog tags, pull me in for a kiss, which is dreamy - like a kiss should be, cool and sizzlingly hot...

I take off your shirt, am about to throw it onto the floor when I see one of your eyebrows rise. Oh come on - you're going to have it cleaned, who cares where I put it - but I am not about to argue, hang it over the back of the chair, then get back onto my knees, undo your shoes, pull them off one by one, place them neatly under the bed, pull off your socks - what am I supposed to do with them? I just put them into your shoes for now - then start undoing your trousers, pulling them off, hanging them over the chair - you tut - oh for _fuck's_ sake - hang them over a hanger, get back on my knees for the third time - you are grinning diabolically, you little adorable monster - and pull off your pants, to _finally_ reveal that divine cock. Pants are thrown towards the chair and I hit, and am not told off, so I lick my lips and get to work.

There is not a peep from Fergus, he's still standing proud, displaying his gorgeous body to all of Vegas - there you go, my boy, you got your show...

I get down to business with your cock, with much moaning and sucking noises.

 

 

_Fuck, it feels good to have your attention again... of course there *is* the novelty of a naked dancer in restraints on display in our hotel window. I’m feeling rather pleased with this... an exciting moment in Vegas for those lucky enough to look up, and have the tiniest peek into my world._

_My hands are in your hair and I’m pulling it, and moaning... only partly for dear Fergus’s ears... all this bossing beautiful naked men around, and whipping them, and ordering cocks to be sucked, is getting me *very* hot and bothered._

_“Get up here,” I pant and you immediately cover me with your body and kiss me heatedly._

_“Fuck... Tiger...” I breathe and you kiss me again and again. “Darling,” I whisper, in between kisses. “He’s *so sweet*... shall we?”_

 


	23. Just Can't Get Enough

When I'm with you baby

I go out of my head

And I just can't get enough

And I just can't get enough

 

 

You are very hard, and if I would put my mind to it, I'm pretty sure I could have you coming in seconds - but that's not what we're playing at here, we're having a _long_ , wild night -

Oh. Oh, we're going to share our prey, are we?

Will I be alright with you _fucking_ someone else?

I think - yeah, as long as I'm there, and you're clearly focussed on me - Fergus is sweet, and he's a nice chap, but he's - a toy, no more - a sweet toy, to be used and then let go again.

"Whatever you want, my love... my lord..."

 

 

_I stare at you intently. Are you unsure about going this far?_

_“I enjoyed watching you... from an outsider perspective. I think it would be very pleasurable to enjoy our sweet toy together...” I whisper, and kiss you hungrily. “But only if you’re ok with this, Tiger... either he can suck us both off, we’ll give him the orgasm of his life, and then tuck him safely into a taxi. Or - we’ll both use his delicious body for our pleasure, and then comes the orgasm of his life and a taxi.” I kiss you longingly. “Either way, in the end it’s just the two of us, Tiger. Always...”_

 

 

"I know, my love..." I breathe, knowing you'll be hearing me fine, "and I'm alright with it - I'm not jealous. I just - I would be if you bit him. I don't know if you planned to, but - please don't. I want that to be just us. But - enjoying him together - at the same time - sounds - extremely hot to me...”

 

 

_Surprise blooms through me. I was preparing myself for you confessing you didn’t want me to fuck him. It would have been somewhat disappointing, but meaningless to me compared to your feelings. I was *not* expecting you to feel that way about biting... which means... biting is that significant to you?_

_I take your face in my hands. “Sebastian...” I soothe. “Whatever you want is exactly what we’ll do. But I had no idea that me biting you was so meaningful...” I stare into your eyes. “I can’t tell you what that means to me. Of course I won’t bite him... but that means as soon as he’s gone and you’ve recovered...” my fingers trail down to your neck. “I want it, darling...” I whisper darkly. “You under me... my cock in you, my fangs in you, your blood in my mouth. *I want you*...”_

 

 

"Yes..." I groan, audibly this time. I wonder what Fergus thinks we're discussing. Probably not whether or not we're going to drink his blood...

"Alright," you say, out loud. "Get him for me, my love... and prepare him for me."

I get up, looking at you sitting up naked on the bed, looking every bit as regal as with all your clothes on. I walk up to Fergus, standing so still, still so erect - close the curtains, then stroke his supple body, press my body against his, kiss his neck. He moans, pushes himself against me - oh, good...

I slide my hands up his arm, undo one restraint, then the other, turn him around, kiss his mouth, take off the blindfold. He blinks at me, sinks into the kiss as I stroke his hair, his neck, his back, then move him down so he is on his knees.

"I'm going to prepare you for my beautiful husband, Fergus - do you want him? Do you want him to fuck you?"

" _Yes_..." he sighs, his face ecstatic, looking at you. You smile benignly. I push Fergus on all fours, take the lube from the bedside table, and move behind him, start gently putting lube inside him, interspersed with strokes of his cock which make him moan.

 

 

_I watch you as you go to Fergus, who’s waiting obediently._

_You release him, and he seems untroubled by his experience and very much still enamoured and excited. He really has been the perfect little treat for the evening..._

_I watch as you kiss him and caress his body, before pushing him into position. And then watching you prepare our sweet sex toy for me... oh, my love... my lips part as lust moves through me like wildfire. I crawl across the bed and slip onto the floor. As I move towards him, like an animal on the hunt, Fergus’s eyes lock on mine and widen._

_I take his chin in my hand and lift his face towards mine into a possessive kiss._

_“You’ve been so very good, darling...” I say in a voice like fraying silk. “I’m going to take you, now. If you continue to behave correctly, Sebastian will take his pleasure with you, as well. And *if* it pleases me, you’ll be permitted an orgasm before you leave...”_

_“Thank you, Sir...” he whispers back, gazing at me with desire._

_I kiss him softly, biting his lower lip as I pull away, making him moan._

_You lay a cushion down for me to kneel on, and I position myself like a king on a throne. You present a condom which the hotel has helpfully supplied, and tear open the package - then pull out the condom and roll it onto my cock. I drag you into a heated kiss, stare into your eyes for any signs of discomfort. You’re gazing at me and smirking in a very lascivious manner. All systems go. Full steam ahead. I arch an eyebrow and give you a sultry smile._

_I rub my cock in between Fergus’s cheeks, making him shiver, and push against his entrance. He tenses slightly as I edge inside, and you stroke his face and kiss him. His body immediately relaxes, and I push in partway. He gasps as I wedge into him, and you whisper to him “Relax, honey... you are so going to enjoy this...”_

_I feel the tension once again ease - his muscles surrender to me, and I push in all the way with a groan of triumph._

_My hands grip his hips, and I flex my hips, experimenting moving in him. Interesting - I’ve had my share of fucking men, but it feels very different now that I’ve been with you._

_And I *can’t wait* to fuck you again... but for now, I’ll enjoy being balls-deep in this sweet boy. I reach for you as I begin to thrust into Fergus, and kiss you deeply as I hear his groans and feel his body shivering with pleasure._

 

 

Fergus is practically fainting with your attention. He’s very aware of who is the real star around here... I’m the one who’s been touching him most, but you’re the one he’s enchanted by.

I wonder if that is partly a consequence of your glamour on him, or just your natural charm. I know I’m enchanted as well... you are so beautiful as you tell him what’s going to happen, then position yourself, kiss me so hotly I know that even though you’re about to fuck someone else, it’s me who’s important to you, and set yourself up...

I stroke our dear Fergus, help him relax through that first hurdle of discomfort, but he’s not unused to this - he relaxes, and you move in further, and as you are good and well in, you reach for me again... kiss me as your cock is moving inside someone else.

I kiss you hotly, feeling you move, hearing Fergus groan.

“I do feel that that mouth could be used more effectively... would you agree, Sir?” I ask you.

 

 

_I stare into your eyes, stroking your face. “Excellent point, my dear,” I say in a lazy, regal voice. “Of course that mouth could be put to better use. But - don’t come... I’d like to see you take this beautiful arse, as well.” I dig my nails into Fergus’s cheek, and pull the flesh enticingly. He groans in pleasure - well, *someone* is enjoying being the sex toy of two magnificent creatures. You’re so fucking beautiful, I’m definitely curious to watch you in action..._

_I snap my fingers. “What are you waiting for, darling?”_

 

 

Really? I hadn't expected that... thought we'd use either side and come together. But whatever you want goes, my beautiful one... I don't hear Fergus complaining at all. Such a _good_ boy...

For now, I'm keen to savour that luscious mouth again. I move to his front, lean down, kiss his cheek. His eyes are large and have a far-away look. "How are you feeling, my sweet?" I whisper to him. "Fantastic..." he pants. Well, that's enthusiastic consent if ever I heard it - I kneel up so my cock is in line with his face. He doesn't need encouragement, licks his lips, kisses the tip, licks round it, takes it into his mouth. That feels good... weirdly hot, again - it's odd how quickly I've got used to a lover that's fifteen degrees cooler than average - but Fergus knows what he's doing, enthusiastically using his lips and tongue, interspersed with moans in response to your moves.

 

 

_Mmm... between thrusting into a very luscious arse, and watching you have your cock sucked by a lovely pair of lips, and feeling a sweetly shivering body in between us... I am getting very close, very quickly. I experiment with smacking his arse sharply against the welts from my crop, and succeed in squeezing out some very pretty moans. I don’t think Fergus will last very long, so I give over to my pleasure and reach for you longingly. As we kiss over Fergus’s body, and you moan into my mouth, I feel myself shuddering against his body and your lips - I cry out, feeling myself shoot inside him. Delicious shivers move through me. It’s not at all the same with a condom, and with the body in question not being yours, but the gush of pleasure is very delectable indeed._

_I withdraw from him, resting over his damp body. Then I remove the condom, and wrap it in a tissue. I look up, and you’re still being sucked by Fergus. I lean back against the sofa like an indolent Emperor at an orgy._

_“Fergus, darling - I need more champagne. Then Sebastian will have his way with you - you’re in for such a lovely treat, honey... what do you say for letting my husband fuck your sweet arse?”_

_Fergus gazes up at me with his blue eyes, still looking so innocent despite his lips on your cock. He sits ups, and smiles at me. “Oh. *Thank you*, Sir. I’ll get your champagne right away...”_

_He stands shakily, and heads to the table with the champagne. We kiss until he returns with my bubbling glass, and I kiss you both, dribbling champagne into your mouths._

_“Don’t keep me waiting...” I say, my eyes lighting up. “I’m ready for my show...”_

 

 

It's so incredibly hot to see your orgasm - I'm usually too involved to really observe it, but now I have a front-row seat, and it's gorgeous... cries, shivers, moans, your face contorted with pleasure, so heartrendingly _beautiful_ \- I have to remind myself that I'm not coming yet, I wouldn't want to disappoint you, and sweet Fergus is concentrating more on you than on me at the moment, his mouth not really doing much, so I manage to control myself and just enjoy the sight of Jim Moriarty, Richard Moran, shuddering through his climax.

Within seconds you are your royal self again, ordering us about, and this time I'll get to sample Fergus' other delights. He kneels back into position, you hand me a condom, I put it on, and gently push myself into him. He's ready, after you, but I am a bit bigger, so I take my time, gently pushing further.

 

 

_I watch from my royal seat in utter fascination. It really is so different being able to see the details that I normally miss - all the nuances, like the muscle twitching in your jaw as you focus on pushing in steadily... your hand gripping his hip, firmly and reassuringly... the muscles in your thighs and abs, flexing, *rippling* powerfully... *Jesus*... you are truly fucking majestic... and I own you, every bit of you - every fluttering muscle, your arse flexing as you thrust, every beautiful inch of your cock, moving in and out of Fergus... there’s a flare of discomfort, but it’s brief - I orchestrated all this, and I’m enjoying it... *very much*... but the unexpected side effect is that I desire you more than ever... treasure what we have more than ever..._

_I crawl over to you, and kiss Fergus languorously, enjoying his sweet gasps as you start fucking him faster... and then I kiss you deeply, with mounting desire... I feel my cock growing hard again as my tongue slips into your mouth._

 

 

Oh, my love... god I love you, I want you - this is ridiculous, part of me thinks, I'm balls deep in someone else, thinking how much I want _you_ \- but it makes sense, of course I want you, I always want you, you are my alpha and my omega, my Lord, the God of my existence -

And I notice you are getting hard again as you are kissing me. Vampire recovery... your tongue exploring my mouth, like a colonial power, owning everything it discovers - oh god my Jim -

"Permission to - come, Sir..." I pant, as you pull away from the kiss.

 

 

_“Permission... granted...” I murmur, gazing at you, caressing your face._

_God... there’s something so... *intimate* about this... which is strange, considering there’s another person involved. But I’m here with you, feeling so connected to you as you’re about to come, and I’m so glad of that._

_“Come for me, my darling...” I whisper, taking your face in my hands, and brushing my lips across yours._

 

 

Come for you... of course, always for you, anything for you...

I grab Fergus' hips, thrust inside, harder, stronger, as I feel your lips on mine, and then there it comes, pleasure concentrating, pouring out, pouring out into this odd receptacle, a rubber film in an anonymous arse, like has happened so many times before, but it's entirely different because there is Jim all around me, your presence infusing every pore of my being, everything I perceive.

I shudder and groan my way through my orgasm, you stroking me, kissing me, and that is it, that was it, it was good - hot - but not a par on what happens with you.

 

 

_It remains fascinating to watch you orgasm... especially as I’m so aware of you adoring me, longing for me, desiring me... even as you’re pounding away in a beautiful man’s arse. I continue to kiss you and stroke your face as I watch you shiver and shudder your way through your orgasm... and then it’s done, and you’re panting and gazing at me - looking disoriented and somewhat concerned._

_Nothing to fear, my darling..._

_“I love you… more than ever...” I whisper against your lips, and we kiss deeply._

_When we part, we look down and see that you’re still inside Fergus... who’s probably wondering what’s going on, but remains still and quiet like a good boy._

_Chuckling, I squeeze his arse._

_“Darling... you have been a *delight*,” I say approvingly. “I should very much like to watch you come, my sweet thing,” I say, caressing his face. “Lie down, honey...”_

_You withdraw from him, and Fergus flops down on the carpet - he rolls onto his back, looking shaky but very excited._

_“Sebbie darling... would you like to start pleasuring our Fergus, and we’ll see where it goes?” I murmur to you, and then kiss Fergus’s lips._

 

 

Only too happy to, my love...

Aw he is _so cute_ , like a happy puppy, except sexy with it. His cute cock still desperately erect, glistening with pre-cum, thoroughly delighted with everything that has happened but really quite eager to be a bit more involved.

Well, I've never been a man to refuse a cute cock. You are busying yourself kissing his face, so I make my way from lower down, kissing the sensitive inside of his thighs, slowly working my way up, sucking and softly biting the soft skin there, making him moan, then licking his taut balls, and making my way up his shaft until I finally reach the sensitive skin of the head, lick around it, making him shiver and his hands grasp into the carpet.

 

 

_“Have you enjoyed yourself, honey?” I coo at him, stroking his face._

_“God - so much, Sir...” he groans, his body straining with mounting pleasure._

_“There’s just one more thing I want you to do, Fergus... and that’s to wait until I give you permission for an orgasm.”_

_“Oh - yes - Sir -“ he pants, his face screwing up with woozy delight._

_“I want you to say it, Fergus,” I say, stroking his face, kissing him again and again._

_“Oh - god - I will not -“ he gasps. “I will not come until you give permission. Sir.”_

_“Good. You do want me to be pleased, don’t you, Fergus.” I slip my tongue into his mouth, and kiss him heatedly._

_“Fuck,” he groans, his body jerking. “I do, I - I want so much for you to be pleased, Sir!”_

_I look down at you - you smile at me as you suck his cock. I reach down and caress your face._

_“That’s what I like to hear...” I say, lazily._

_“Sebastian, could you come up here for a moment, darling... You can continue with your hand. I believe Fergus enjoys being kissed... perhaps he’d like being kissed by both of us?”_

_Fergus smiles at me breathlessly. “I would, Sir...”_

 

 

You're going to make our poor boy delay his orgasm - while he's being sucked off by Sebastian Moran? That's cruel and unusual indeed...

But no, I'm invited to use my tongue elsewhere... so you'll have some respite, dear Fergus - though I'm a dab hand at handjobs as well.

You're on Fergus' left, I lay myself down on his right, and keep my right hand on his cock, gently stroking. You look at me over his face and you're so enchanting... I lean over, kiss you, feel the sparks fly between us... and then we lean down and join Fergus in, and the contrast between your cool mouth and his hot mouth is intriguing... he won't feel it, of course, if your glamour holds -

I'm a bit worried about that. You did say we also would keep the room dark, but Fergus has been quite up close and personal with me. He hasn't said anything, or looked odd, but - will the glamour wear off after a bit? It's not like you have a lot of experience with this, or vampire buddies to ask -

Anyway - this is hot and you are hot and it appears that, and this is one for the history books, Sebastian Moran is the only one without a hard-on in this elect company...

 

 

_Just look how being with you has changed me... giving Fergus loads of sweet affection so he won't feel like a piece of meat when it's time to skedaddle... making sure he's received plenty of attention from both of us... I must be the sweetest, most considerate vampire ever, thanks to your influence. But I am a vampire nonetheless... and as I get more and more stimulated by Fergus's mounting desire, I find myself longing for blood. And if I can't have it from Fergus, then I'll need it from you._

_"Sebastian..." I croon. "Back you go, my sweet..."_

_You kiss Fergus again, wink at him, and return to his adorably twitching cock._

_I watch as you dive back onto it, making him groan and strain with longing._

_My lips are on his again, and he's gasping desperately, and it's so fucking cute, I hear myself saying, "Soon, my darling..." He whimpers, and holds on desperately - such a good boy. I nod at you to go faster, and I whisper, "Come now, Fergus..."_

_And the keening sound he makes is so sweetly satisfying, and I stroke his face as he shivers, and thrashes, and cries out._

_You continue to suck him until he whines, and then release his cock, grinning._

_"How was that, sweet thing?" I ask curiously._

_"Oh god... oh - god -" he pants. "The best - I've ever had - Sir..."_

_I stretch luxuriously. "I should hope so, honey..." I purr. "And you can call me Richard again..."_

_"It was the best I've ever had, Richard..." he mumbles, lying back with a goofy smile on his face. "And Sebastian," he adds, laughing helplessly._

_Aww... our toy is too sweet for words. I grin at you. I'm glad I decided not to eat him..._

 

 

You are looking at me so hungrily and all of a sudden three is a crowd. Fergus may be glamoured, but I don't know how he'd respond if you started biting me...

I kiss you, your mouth full of promise and delight, and stroke Fergus' temple, then stretch, get us all some water. You've drunk quite a bit of champagne, and Fergus and I have been sweating...

I put on combats and a t-shirt and trainers, and throw Fergus his clothes. Time to move, sweetheart... "I'll call you a taxi."

He gets the hint (I've never been good at subtlety) and gets dressed. You exchange a sweet kiss, then I tell Fergus I'll walk him to the taxi and pay for it. He tries to refuse, but I won't hear of it.

As we take the lift down, I check in -

"Fergus - did you notice anything odd about me? About Richard?"

He looks puzzled.

"...no? Should I have? I mean - you're both very hot - and obviously quite kinky -"

I grin.

I was afraid that the glamour might not have worked, but it seems like it's all holding up.

I touch the knife in my pocket - looks like I won't need to use it.

Good. I like this lad - god, I'm getting all soft.

I hail a taxi outside, pay the driver, and kiss Fergus goodbye, then head back up to our suite.

 

 

_I watch from the sofa, naked and lazy, as you throw Fergus's clothes at him. Wow. You could not be more obvious that you want to be alone with me again. Aww - *manners*, darling. Fergus doesn't seem offended however, and just smiles at me brightly. God, he's like the sexy dancer version of a golden retriever - I should consider paying to have employees like him on retainer to serve us at a moment's notice - but somehow, I don't think this would be a popular decision. Even though I own you, I suspect you would have no issues with making your displeasure known *very clearly*._

_I share one more sweet kiss with Fergus, and then he follows you with a dreamy smile._

_I sip more champagne, not bothering to get dressed. I think back to the concerned look on your face as you left, the determined look in your eye. What was all that about?_

_Could you be - thinking of getting rid of him, to be safe? That sweet little toy?_

_I hope not - I didn't sense the glamour dropping..._

_I glance at the door. Strange, I wouldn't have thought twice about something so inconsequential before... I've been quite infected by emotional responses, it seems..._

_Perhaps engaging with my vampire nature and filling up with your blood will help with that._

_I continue to sip champagne and stare at the door intently._

 

 

I enter our suite. “Sweet little friend safely disposed of...”

I see your face.

“In a _taxi_! He will be tucked up in bed with the widest grin on his face in no time, to dream of the delights experienced tonight.”

You look pointedly at my pocket. “I’m still happy to see you,” I wink. “Yeah, sorry, I did check if he really hadn’t noticed anything weird...” I shrug as I take out the knife, then sink down on the bed, take off my trainers. “He’s sweet, but you’re important.”

 

 

_Feeling strangely relieved, I rise and move towards you. "I have no doubt you have it in you to give a beautiful orgasm to someone one moment and snap his neck the next, if you thought there was a safety risk... my big... protective… Tiger..." I croon, and push you down onto the bed. You're still wearing your clothes, and I press my naked body against yours._

_"Sebbie... I hope nothing happened that made you feel uncomfortable… I enjoyed our wild Vegas night *very much*," I purr, nuzzling your neck. "But I also feel like I missed you terribly..." I confide. "Like you were so close and so far at the same time... as much as I enjoyed taking my pleasure with sweet Fergus (and I'm very pleased you didn't kill him, darling), part of me was just *longing* for you the entire time... longing for it to be just us again..." I murmur, gazing into your beautiful blue eyes, and stroking your face._

 

 

"God, yes..." I sigh, pulling you on top of me. "He was sweet, and it was hot to see you in action, but - _rawr_ ," I growl, digging my teeth into your neck. "He was also in the way of us just devouring each other... and I saw your fangs grow but instead of being able to give myself to you I had to distract him - yeah, I agree, it was enjoyable, but - in a way, he was just the distraction before the main course... which is going to be so much more delectable..." I pull you close, dig my hands into your naked buttocks.

 

 

_I close my eyes as I feel your teeth in my neck. *Ohh*... is *that* how it is? Time to re-establish territory, Tiger?_

_And here I thought you would need more recovery time... but all this vampire blood appears to be having powerful effects on you._

_"Mmm... Yesss..." I hiss, revelling in the feeling of being pulled against you, with your strong hands gripping my arse so possessively. "A tasty little starter before the meal... an *amuse-bouche* before the feast..." I whisper in your ear, making you shiver and growl deep in your throat. "Would you like to fuck me, Tiger?" I ask innocently, digging my nails into your shoulders._

 

 

"hnnnngh..." I groan.

"Oh, fuck, I'd love to - but I don't think I'm ready just yet," I say, nudging Little Seb who is willing but not quite capable. "Give me half an hour..." I look into your eyes. Will that be alright? I _really_ want to...

 

 

_“Of *course*, my love..." I say in a lazy purr. "Take all the time you need. It will be that much sweeter with the wait..."_

_I rub myself against you wantonly. "Mmm, my Tiger... my big, strapping, *hot* husband... my sweet honeyman..." I murmur against your skin, pressing kisses along your neck. "I can't wait to feel your beautiful cock inside me... are you going to fuck me hard and fast, or *deeep and slooow*...?"_

_I smile into your neck._

 

 

Oh, you _bastard_...

'Of course Tiger, take all the time you need'... and then go and rub yourself against me, talk like _that_...

I groan. "You are an extremely cruel man, Richard Moran..."

I look at you. "Bite me..."

 

 

_I don't know if you meant it to be funny, but referencing biting when I'm feeling horny can only end one way. My tongue darts out over my lips, lasciviously. "Since you asked so nicely..."_

_Serpent-quick, I strike. Latching onto your neck - ohhhh god, how I've missed this already - I moan as I feel your blood trickle across my tongue. I sip delicately from your wound for a long, delicious moment, then I slowly pull myself off you against my will. I suspect there will be a lot more biting during sex, and I don't want to take too much blood yet. I stare at you and bite my wrist - ruby red blood flows free, and I offer it to you, whispering, "*Drink* me..."_

 

 

Ohhhhh, god, _yes_ \- your lips on me for the briefest of moments before your fangs pierce my skin and that electric heat shoots through me - the pain hardly even registers any more as it's known to be a prelude to ecstasy - and then you suck, and a shiver runs through me - nothing, _nothing_ compares to my beloved drinking from me; the entire purpose of my existence was to become a big, strong chalice for you to quench your thirst, it's _rapture_...

And you stop, but you're not stopping abruptly any more, you have taken to slowing down your drinking and ending up just sort of licking at the wounds, so it feels like less of a sudden loss. You look at me for a brief moment and then bite _yourself_ \- a weird image, like watching something illicit and intimate, like you touching yourself -

and then the elixir of life comes pouring out and is held in front of my face, its luscious smells, champagne, lust, the beauty of darkness, a flurry of raven wings - and then I drink it, drink you, drink the endless night in your eyes, the life-in-death whose looks are free and lips are red, April's hoar-frost, elfish light, golden fire -

And you pull back, and I _whine_ \- the enchantment feels stronger each time, and it's so hard, so hard to stop... I'd quit smoking in a heartbeat, but this... never –

 

 

_When you drink, it’s so, so beautiful to watch - how you latch onto my wrist, grasping my arm, staring at me with desire as you begin to drink... and then as my blood flows into you, you look more stunned and in awe then I’ve ever seen you. It seems like you’re entering the vampire mysteries more deeply, and I don’t know that this is a good idea, but *ohh*, I love sharing it with you, I don’t want to stop - ever..._

_we gaze at each other, and then your eyelids start to flutter, and I gently pull my wrist from you. “That’s enough, Sebbie...” I say softly, and cover your face with kisses. “I love you, my darling... so much...” I whisper._

 

 

Love - yes, love, Jim, blood and smoke, dark fire in a moonless night, desire personified... I groan as the light intrudes on my eyes, wants me to see this world of square corners and harsh colours... I want to stay in the soft blackness...

You look at me intently. “Sebastian...”

Yes. Jim. Love.

“Jim... I love you... you’re... magnificent.”

I raise my hand and stroke your temple.

 

 

_I gaze at you longingly. "Who would have thought having a threesome would make me want you more than I already did..." I say in a hushed voice. "I do, Sebbie... I want you *even more*..."_

_I rub my cheek against your face, sensuous as a cat. "My beautiful Tiger..."_

 

 

"Jim..." I sigh, trying to get back to what I suppose is the 'real' world from my opium dream.

Little Seb reminds me that a fuck was on offer, and we may want to take that offer up before it's off the table, thanks very much. He seems fully recovered - powerful stuff, vampire blood... and your smouldering eyes, your dark voice, your erection rubbing against me aren't helping...

 

 

_Ohhh.. *someone's* waking up... could it have something to do with little me?_

_"I thought you needed more recovery time, honey..." I feign surprise, even as I look at you through heavy-lidded bedroom eyes. “I told you I don’t mind waiting...” my voice curls around you like smoke, and I gently rock my pelvis against yours._

 

 

"You just wait then... and I'll do the heavy lifting..." I growl, grabbing you and throwing you onto the bed, diving on top of you. Oh that blood has _definitely_ helped...

I growl into your neck, bite, lick, nibble your earlobe, rubbing my erection against yours, move further down, kiss your chest... I can still smell Fergus on you, with that heightened sensitivity that comes from drinking your blood. It reminds me of what we did, and that makes me all the more ready...

I get to your cock, tasting of condom, lick it, play with my tongue and lips around your head.

 

 

_I lie back in indolence as you launch a full-scale invasion with your hands and lips and teeth... and *oh* your tongue..._

_*mmm*... perhaps we should have taken a shower first to wash off the eau de threesome, but you don't seem to mind... if anything, it appears to fire you up as much as my blood now coursing through your veins..._

_you move down to my cock, and begin to play with the head, making me groan..._

_"Fuck... *yes*, Sebastian... nobody sucks me like you..." I growl, my fingers tightening in your hair._

 

 

"I should _hope_ not," I growl, jealousy flaring up - what the _fuck_ , Sebastian. You just literally sat there while he fucked someone else, but referral to any unknown previous enjoyers of the magnificent cock in your mouth piss you off?

Well, you better make sure he knows you're the best then...

I go to work seriously, licking, sucking, kissing, teasing, making you groan in delight, then briefly break the contact to reach for the lube, get back, and continue, lubing you up at the same time.

 

 

_*Oh*... is somebody *jealous*?_

_Mmm, fascinating, I think to myself. Did we not just have a threesome with a beautiful man?_

_And then I think, how *unusual* not to be the jealous one..._

_And then I'm thinking nothing at all, because your lips and tongue are all over me, and oh. God. Fuck. Me. ThatFeels*Amazing*Don't*Stop*SebastianFuuuuck..._

_All that comes out is a strangled groan and gasping, and I don't even need to *breathe*..._

_I'm dimly aware of you preparing me with lube, but I'm far too swept away by what you're doing to my cock, and how intensely delicious, and ohhh..._

_Then your lips are leaving me, **no, but your cock is pressing firmly against me, *god yes*..._

_"Sebbie..." I whisper breathily, "*Take* me, make me forget anyone even *exists* but you...”_

 

 

Oh, a challenge?

"Don't you worry Jim... You won't remember that there is a _world_ when I'm done with you..."

I press - you're tight, but relaxing, and I slide in - a gasp, from me or from you? and slowly I move in further... such an amazing sensation, my body feels so hot -

I move slowly back, stare into your face, your eyes are open, staring back at me, and then half close as I push forward again. My Jim, my beautiful Jim, my vampire husband...

Slowly, bit by bit, I make my way inside you; it gets easier each time, and I try to be careful but your hands reach out and pull me closer... so hot, so sweet, so delicious - I'm in fully, fully submerged in you, and it's magnificent, _so_ much better than Fergus, not because of the condom, and the temperature, but just because it's _you_...

I pull back, start thrusting, and you're moaning, and I'm moaning, and the world is right again. Fergus was fun, but there's nothing like you and me, me and you, 4 eva...

 

 

_Oooh, that is a *very* good threat... and then you make good on it *very* quickly, because all I'm aware of is this bed and what you're doing to me on it. I couldn’t give a shit about what city we're in and the guy we both ejaculated into (what was his name? Not-Sebastian?) not even an hour ago..._

_Your eyes are fixed on mine as you're easing into me, and I've never seen anything so beautiful... but I need *more* of you *now*, and I pull you towards me insistently. Your glowing smile just *shatters* me, and I barely have time to recover, because then you're fucking me so majestically, and I feel exultant, rocking my pelvis hard against your hips. My head falls back against the pillow, and I let out a filthy groan before looking back at you and licking my lips._

_"Give me that luscious neck, Tiger," I growl, and pull you towards me._

 

 

Oh, yes... I wasn't sure if you would want to again, if you'd be worried that you'd just drunk me - but I guess that's why I got your blood.

I thrust inside you hard, groan at the delight, then lean over to offer you my neck, and you _bite_ \- and oh _fuck_ , the combination of fucking you and feeling your fangs in my neck is _magic_ \- I groan, tremble, tilt my hips back, forward again - this is _the best_ , this has to be the best, this is incomparable to _anything_ \- you drinking me while you fuck me is otherworldly, but feeling you drink as I'm fucking you - indescribable - I'll never - you - oh - god -

Impossibly, I feel my seed contracting, keen to shoot out - "Jim - I can't - please -"

 

 

_I unlatch myself from your neck with a groan. Then I lick the wound devastatingly slowly. I stare at you, rubbing my fingers over my lips, then licking them sensuously._

_"Alright, Tiger?" I say, my voice husky and fraying like fine silk. I'm trying not to show how close I am too, but my control is unravelling quickly. My hands trail down your chest and abdomen, and then grip your hips. "I believe there was a promise on the table - you'll make me forget about the world, by the time you're done with me? Or was it a threat? Well, I’m waiting... Do your worst, honey..." I say, luxuriously grinding my pelvis against yours, and squeezing your cock inside me._

 

 

"I can't - I need - too close -" I gasp, trying to concentrate on not coming, not coming, god, how can you remain so cool under all this, isn't my blood having any effect on you? I'm supposed to be fucking you, but I'm trembling like a reed, panting shallowly, trying to control my body - come on - come _on_ Sebastian, you're a fucking soldier, your body does what it's _ordered_ to, no more, no less -

I swallow, steel up what's left of my resolve, breathe, grab your cock - _very_ hard indeed - and start moving again, feeling a drop of blood trickling down from my throat, intercepted by your finger, which traces its path up, then moves to your mouth where you lick it up - why does that look so fucking hot? - but you seem to be responding to my attentions now, your face twitching, your cock hardening more - please, Jim -

I can do this; I can move harder - move my hand in sync –

 

 

_"Fuck... god... just - do - it - Sebastian..." I groan, feeling your body tremble against mine as you thrust into me. "*Come*, honey... I want you to... come inside me..." I moan, lifting my head up to stare at you. "I need you, Tiger..."_

 

 

 _Yes_ , yes, oh god you need me you _need_ me -

You need me to come - and I do - I _do_ \- _fuck_ , I do; the tight lid I was holding down released, my seed shooting up through my cock, inside you, feeling so good, so incredible, into my Jim, my husband, my hot cool love - I roar - sorry neighbours –

 

 

_God, it feels so good to be *claimed* by you, down and dirty like this... being with you has definitely opened my eyes to the pleasure of being taken by a hot man... and then your *orgasm* tearing through you. Mmm._

_My head falls back, and I listen to you breathe roughly as you lie against my chest._

_But I'm not a patient vampire, any more than I was a patient man. I take your jaw in my hand._

_"So - *hot* - darling... My turn. *Now*..."_

 

 

What - oh - yes -

_Can't move -_

I have to move - I've been given an order, and orders are non-negotiable.

I pull myself off you, drop beside you, reach out my hand to your cock, already so on edge, it shouldn't take long - I start moving, kissing your jaw...

 

 

_*Yesss*... I groan, feeling your lips on me._

_"God, Sebbie... feels - so - good..." I breathe, as my head falls back and my eyes squeeze shut. "So - fucking - good-"_

_My body jerks, and I press myself against your hand as you quicken your pace and I moan softly._

 

 

"Am I making you forget yet?" I bite your neck, growl softly as my pace quickens and keeps steady. Come for me, my Jim...

 

 

_"Fuck - yes -" I growl back, and at the feeling of your teeth in my neck, and your hand on my cock, moving so *possessively*, my orgasm tears through me, and I'm shuddering against you, moaning, crying out so loudly..._

_Ecstasy washes over me, and I shiver through spasms and then aftershocks. You continue to move your hand, until finally I cover it with mine._

_"Oh god... enough..." I groan. "Darling, you made me forget everything, including my name and yours. Who are we again? Jake and Blake Blank?" I guess, giggling. Oh. I *did* have a lot of champagne tonight, didn't I..._

 

 

"Yes, my love..." I smile, then move down to lick you clean and make you mewl, then use a tissue to clean you further. "I do believe _someone_ drank a lot more champagne than I did... though he also used some to bathe our new friend in.

Aw, our Fergus. Do you think he's having happy dreams?"

 

 

_"How could he *not* be, darling? He had the two hottest men he's likely *ever seen* take him home and got to be their sex toy... you saw the smile on his face when he left. Sweet little thing... I'm delighted he survived his experience... especially on the way out," I say wryly, and lightly hit your shoulder. "Now, we should wash away our wild Vegas night, and soon it will be time for our own sweet dreams... I look forward to curling up with you, my darling..." Suddenly I'm being scooped up and carried to the shower. "Our marriage has been non-stop excitement, Sebbie... whatever shall we do tomorrow?" I whisper into your ear._

 

 

"Our marriage is only 27 hours old, my love," I grin. "And we've _already_ broken our vows of forsaking all others and holding only unto each other... you were holding unto poor Fergus quite strongly, I wouldn't be surprised if he got bruises... but as long as we keep to the love, honour, cherish, and protect, that's alright with me.

As to tomorrow... well, I'll have that afternoon walk so as not to get sunlight deficiency, then snuggle up with my beloved husband again, then - well, _probably_ some waking up sex... and then? Rent a car and drive out into the desert, see the stars?"

 

 

_"I would hardly call that breaking a vow, if we both agreed to it," I say loftily, as you set me down, and start fiddling with the shower knobs. "Besides, everyone knows whatever happens in Vegas doesn't count. No, not hot enough!" I protest, as you try to pull me in. "But yes - love, honour, cherish, are the ones to keep, even in Vegas. *God*, it's like an ice bath," I complain, as you succeed in drawing me in._

_"It's *not*, darling..." you say, wrapping me in your strong arms._

_"It *is*, darling! And *no*, this is not a vampire thing, so no dead jokes, please. I always enjoyed a lovely hot shower. So relaxing for the muscles..." I say dreamily, as I sneak the knob farther left behind my back._

_"So scalding to the skin..." you add sarcastically. "I *saw* that..."_

_I push a bottle of body wash at you. "Oh? Do you see this?" I ask pointedly. Then I hold out my arms, and give you a sultry smile. "And this?”_

 

 

I grin. You incorrigible sybarite. "You should have got _and obey_ into those vows, it seems..."

But I'm always more than happy to wash that beautiful marble sculpture of a body.

I get the stuff on my hands, rub them over your body, loving the smoothness created by the slick wash, making sure my lord husband is squeaky clean, then wash your hair and condition it.

"Do I get a reciprocal wash?"

 

 

_"But of course, darling..." I say sweetly, and proceed to bathe your magnificently muscled body. Fuck. If you were a vampire, you would be unstoppable... the thought makes me pause, mid-shampoo. You look at me questioningly, and I continue. Where the hell did that notion come from? We'll have no more of that..._

_I continue to lovingly shampoo your hair, and once you're fully rinsed off, I press my wet, naked body into your arms. "Ta-daa," I sing. "All clean... how does that feel?"_

 

 

Mmmm... gooooodd... I love being washed by you, and washing you. It reminds me of before we got married - measured in hours, not days, in this same shower... it makes me feel close to you, connected in water and naked bodies touching, for the moment in a non-sexual way.

I yawn - realize I'm tired, already - we haven't been awake very long, but it's been intense, and it's about to get light. Probably the combination of losing quite a bit of my own blood, and being replenished with your vampire blood - the former would make me weak, the latter tired when the light comes. I'll have to get some iron supplements tomorrow, see if there's a pharmacy nearby.

 

 

_"Bed now, sleepy Tiger..." I murmur. We dry each other off, and then head back to our luxurious bed with Egyptian cotton sheets. It's probably for the best that our little encounter with Fergus took place on the floor and the sofa. The bed is just for us. Idly I wonder if we'll be tempted to reconnect with him before we leave Vegas. I don't really want to increase his chances of getting killed. And anyway, now is not the time to think of that - our wild Vegas night has drawn to a close, and now is the time for reconnecting with my new husband. We slide into bed, and curl up against each other._

_"Renting a car and driving out to the desert to see the stars sounds nice... but... do you think there will there be many insects?" I ask in a sleepy, fretful voice._

_You chuckle. "Some. Do you not like insects, my love?" You sound amused... what's so funny about that? Nature can be *so* dirty and unpleasant. And insects are a serious concern!_

_"Who *likes* insects?" I ask indignantly. "Except maybe entomologists. Bizarre occupation... as bad as marine biologists. Imagine *choosing* to study *fish*..."_

_You press a kiss to my shoulder, and chuckle again. "Well, there might be a *few* insects, but at least there won't be any fish..."_

_"It's the *desert*, Sebastian... Oh I see, you're being funny, are you..."_

_"No, *you* are..." you draw me closer, kiss my forehead._

_"Haha. Go to sleep, darling..." I say, only slightly disgruntled. "Sebastian?" I murmur into your chest._

_"Mmm?"_

_"When you go out... be careful..." I whisper. "I know you can take care of yourself, Sebbie... But just - come back to me, safe and sound..."_

 

 

"I will, my love..." I pull you close, your sweet cool body so perfect in my arms.

I can understand - I didn't want you to go out on your own, it frightened me, even though I _know_ you are strong and powerful and know what you're doing - I want to be _there_ to protect you. It must be like that for you, but you can't go out with me, not without significant discomfort on your part.

"Don't worry, my darling... I'm big and bad and beautiful, and I'm not looking for trouble... I'll just have an amble around the strip, get some sunrays, or maybe just sunbathe next to the hotel pool and have a dive to cool off - I promise I won't get into fights or flirts with anyone," I smile.

I set my alarm for 1 pm, and fall asleep smelling your luscious conditioner, a scent already so synonymous with _you_...

 

 

_"See that you don't," I say in a sulky voice, and press against you tightly. You're already falling asleep, and I resist tumbling into the darkness for a moment._

_Your words were reassuring, and *I know* you're right, and that there's no reason to believe you won't be fine... but I find myself in the very strange situation of feeling genuinely frightened._

_I don't like it._

_Not. One. Bit._

_The last time we were apart were those two horrid days... when I was so devastated and hurt, I thought I had to *kill* you. I wince at the thought._

_*Terrible* things happen when we're apart, I think mournfully. Why did I make this stupid suggestion?? I should have you on a chain when I'm asleep... that would have been a much better idea!_

_*Idiot* - I glower at myself. Fine - you'll have your precious sunlight, and I'll just have to put a chain on you another time..._

_and try not to think of you *sunbathing* in front of humans, salivating and panting for your beautiful body._

_No flirts you said, I remind myself. My beautiful devoted Tiger... *come back to me*, I think as I slip into a current that pulls me into silky blackness, haunting whispers, and the inevitable nothingness..._

 

 

Ugh... 1 pm comes much too early. I've had six hours of sleep, but feel lethargic still. You stir a little and reach for me, pull yourself towards me in your sleep, which is so unbearably _cute_ that I am very tempted to say fuck the sun and stay here with you. But I gather my resolve - it's good for me, and it's only an hour. I should probably go for a run as well - haven't really worked out except for the exercise I get with you. I smile as I see you lying in the light from behind the curtains - so pale, so small, so _sweet_...

Swimming is out - it's an attractive thought, but I think even Vegas people will start asking questions if I turn up at the pool covered in whip and bite marks, or fully dressed... But running in jogging bottoms and a turtleneck t-shirt should be just fine. It’ll be warm, but it's not like I've never run fully dressed in a desert before.

I grab my sunglasses and a bottle of water, kiss your cheek, and head off.

It's _very_ bright when I emerge from the hotel - I think my eyes are more light-sensitive because of the blood I got from you. It would make sense - I saw better in the dark as well. I'm glad I brought my shades, wonder if I should buy sunscreen. I'll keep an eye on my skin. I'm not prone to burning though, and am only out for an hour.

I grab a sandwich and a coffee from a place down the street, then head to a blissfully airconditioned pharmacy, where I get some high-dose iron supplements with vitamin C. I decide on some vitamin D as well - an hour of daylight here and there is not going to cut it, probably.

As I head out and make my way away from the main streets so I can find a place to run without being run over, I notice a woman smiling at me as she walks towards me on the pavement. She looks like she knows me from somewhere and is trying to get me to recognize her, and she does look familiar - but I can't recall where I have seen her.

She slows as she nears me, and her smile widens. "Hi!"

"Hi," I say, uncertain. I never forget a face - but this one doesn't ring any bells, no circumstances or situations in which I might have met her - except that I feel that yes, of course I know her. Hello? Brain? Not helping?

She tilts her head, smiles. "You must be new."

"I guess," I waver. "I arrived two days ago."

She laughs; a clear, pleasant sound. "That's not what I meant - are you new to the sodality?"

"I'm... not sure what you mean..." I stumble.

"Oh - haven't they explained to you yet?" She looks at me, scrutinizing. "You are very new - but they should have introduced you by now..."

She reaches out a hand, I instinctively flinch away.

In a flash, I realize that she’s wearing a long-sleeved turtleneck top – _definitely_ not common wear in Las Vegas.

“Is this – are you…” … what?

Her eyes are boring into mine.

“Tell them to introduce you soon. They may get in trouble otherwise.” Her voice is low, serious.

Then all of a sudden she’s all smiles again. “Welcome anyway! I hope to see you again soon!” She makes a move as if to kiss my cheek and I step back. She laughs. “No need to be scared – well, not of _me_ , at least,” she winks and walks off.

I find that I have no interest in running any more. I just want to get back – back to you.


	24. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused

 

 

_My eyelids flutter. I hover in between the blackness and the light - suspended and weak. I’m being drawn to the surface, but I’m not *nearly* ready to emerge... like a flower being forced to open its petals... or a butterfly still fragile and damp from the cocoon, unable to spread its wings. I hear a whimper - so weak - and realize it was me. I can sense light beyond my eyes - too bright, too soon - what is causing this?_

_And then a feeling of fear cuts through me - it’s your absence, slicing through me like a laser..._

_God, I’m going to have to go through this every day?? I make a sound in my throat like an animal in distress._

_My rational mind steps in - you’re just going to have to get used to it - you’re not a child. You need to-_

_My emotional self flails. *Sebastian*..._

_My rational mind, my *Jim* side, looks at me in disgust. Fuck’s sake... he went out for a WALK...Will you pull yourself together, creature of the night?_

_My emotional self, my *Richard* side, is not having it. What if... something’s wrong?_

_My Jim side sighs disdainfully. If you really think something’s wrong... then why are you snivelling about it. Wake. The Fuck. Up._

_I feel myself being dragged up painfully quickly into the light. I open my stinging eyes and blink in confusion at the room, where sunlight still spills in from behind the curtains._

_“Sebbie?” I croak, my voice weak and rusty._

 

 

"Yes... sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you..." I walk into the room. Me coming in must have woken you up. I'm sorry about that, but also - I do really want to talk to you and I'm not sure if it can wait until the evening.

You are looking lost and confused, blinking in the twilight of the room, and I rush over to you, wrap my arms around you. "Are you alright my love? Bad dream? Can I get you anything?"

Like what, a nice serving of blood?

I don't know! Do vampires drink water when they're upset? I hold out my bottle of water, just in case.

 

 

_I make a rusty squeaking sound, and reach for the bottle shakily._

_I pour water down my parched throat but swallowing *hurts*, and I end up sputtering - *so* attractive, *Richard*..._

_“Oh - god” I squeeze out while coughing violently. My eyes start streaming. Oh perfect..._

_“I don’t know -“ I cough. “I just felt like I *had* to wake up... which *never* happens, and it *shouldn’t* happen even if I sensed your absence. I would only fully wake up during the day if there was -“ I look at you with alarm. “*Danger.*”_

_I grasp your arm. “What. Happened.”_

 

 

Damn. I hoped it was something innocent, that you'd be able to explain away - but if you wake up sensing danger -

"There was a woman. She walked up to me and looked familiar, she said hi - but I couldn't say what I knew her from. She asked me if I was new to the - sodality? I've never heard of that. I looked it up, it's some Christian term, but she looked - she was covering her neck and her arms, like I was - I think she's been bitten by a vampire too? And - she said I should be introduced soon, or you might get in trouble - what is this?"

 

 

_*Sodality*..._

_I stare at you, my face neutral._

_“Sebastian. The sodality is the branch of a vampire coven which focuses on laws and protocol being followed... When you enter the territory of an established coven, you’re expected to ‘introduce’ yourself - which is really just their way of throwing their power around, and playing head games. If you have a human thrall, you bring them, too...”_

_I struggle to sit up. “I knew there was a vampire coven in Nevada, but - I have no idea how they discovered we were here... Do they have some kind of tracking system for new vampires in the area? Or did London’s coven figure out where we ended up, and notify them? Or was there information leaked from one of the cleaners who removes bodies? *Fuck*...”_

_I cover my face. “Sebastian. A coven can be a dangerous place for a human thrall... if an older, stronger vampire takes a liking to you...” I trail off, and struggle to get out of bed. “We’re leaving. Now.”_

 

 

"Waitwaitwaitwait. We are not moving when you're in such a state. I made sure I wasn't followed here - I _do_ know how to do that. Let's talk first and identify the threat."

You look sceptical and angry - but I know it's out of fear - poor Jim -

"Jim. I've spent my life in dangerous situations in enemy territory. Panic gets people killed. If you are in danger, and you have _any_ chance to, you take five minutes to assess the situation and talk it through with your teammates, and _then_ you respond and your response will be the best one you could give and you live. Alright?"

You sit down, have another sip of water, but look at the door like you expect a full contingent of vampires to burst through at any moment.

"First of all, let's have a look at all the information we have. The woman was not a vampire, clearly, but bitten by one, so probably a thrall.

She recognized me, but didn't _know_ me - it wasn't from a picture, more like - one thrall recognizes another? Is that a thing? Like she knew _what_ I was, but not _who_ I was."

 

 

_I clutch the water bottle as you speak. Everything you say is making sense, but you have no idea what they're like, Sebastian, *no idea* what we could be up against..._

_I force myself to slow my thoughts - you're right, panic will get us killed._

_"During my time with the coven, I didn't spend a lot of time paying attention to thralls. I was focussed on strengths and weaknesses, and gathering all the information I could about vampires, and breaking the bond of the maker. I suppose they could recognize each other... If thralls drink vampire blood, their senses are heightened - this could include recognizing others like them, and vampires, as well. Before she talked to you, did you feel anything different? Bear in mind, you've only been drinking my blood for the last few days - she may have been drinking blood for years, in which case she would be attuned to supernatural energies more immediately..."_

 

 

"Different? Not really - I felt more sensitive to the light, it really hurt my eyes when I left the hotel. And - I recognized her too, but didn't know from what. It was like oh yes, I know you! Hold on, who are you? So - it could be that, that I was - attuned to the energies. So - does that mean I'd recognize vampires too? And they'd recognize me? Do you recognize vampires?

Oh, and she said - no need to be scared - at least not of _her_ , probably implying that there are others I should be scared of."

 

 

_I nod slowly. "Yes, it sounds like that's what's happening, so I imagine you would recognize a vampire. I absolutely do know a vampire when I see one, and I can sense them if they're in the immediate area. They would *certainly* recognize you... the ones that you *should be scared of*..." Liquid splashes over me, and I look down at the ruptured water bottle in a daze. I throw it hard against the bedside table, then mop up the water from my skin with the duvet._

_"Well. I think it's safe to assume she went and informed her master or mistress like a good little thrall, so - they know a new vampire and his human are in town, and have broken protocol. Which they would declare a threat, even if they knew we couldn't take them... so. Assessment. Our options are:_

_A) declare ourselves to the coven, and risk that they know my identity from the London coven, or that one of the sodality decides they want you as their toy._

_B) declare war on the coven and leave none standing - bearing in mind I have not succeeded in doing this to the London coven, and I have no information about this one._

_C) Ignore all this and continue with our honeymoon, and risk that they track us, imprison us, and then decide our punishment._

_D) leave Vegas while the sun is still shining - I assume they couldn't find us by tonight, but who knows. Head someplace without any known vampire covens, which means no major cities._

_Well, Sebbie? Which option do you prefer for Day 2 of our honeymoon?" I fall back into bed and cover my face with a pillow._

 

 

Jimmy... I'm so sorry, my darling. I wish we could have enjoyed our honeymoon more...

"So - if we introduce ourselves, we will probably get questions - like which coven you are from, etcetera. I also _very much_ don't like the idea of someone else biting me if they feel like it.

I am all for war - provided we have a good chance of winning, which it doesn't look like we do.

I _really_ don't think we would be very comfortable continuing with our honeymoon, so it looks like it's plan D - leave Las Vegas, lay low somewhere, think up a plan.

So - how many vampires are there? How likely is it that we randomly run into them or thralls?"

 

 

_"I really only know about the London scene... but they're widespread throughout the world. Covens exist everywhere, varying from small to large. It's fair to assume in any major city, they exist, whether or not they associate with a coven. Lone vampires exist too, but they keep the shadows even more..." I remove the pillow from my face and throw it to the bed. I sit up again - no use trying to get more sleep, I'm far too focused on this threat._

_"I would be almost tempted to declare myself, if I wasn't worried someone would want you for themselves. The bond between Maker and their vampire 'childe' is considered sacrosanct, but they certainly don't feel that way about thralls. I've heard the term 'blood-whore' being thrown around, to give you an idea. If I were on my own, I don't think they would know *my* identity... From what I can tell, the London coven kept it very *hush-hush*. It doesn't exactly reflect well on them that one of their powerful elders got massacred by a *fledgling*..." I roll my eyes._

_"I'd massacre the lot of them, if I could. But I'd be satisfied with terrifying them and living outside their reach. But for that, I need to be in a more powerful position. Rather like - when I first began my Empire, and I was up against the behemoths in the underworld, who had been at it for years, and had far more money and men and influence..." I trail off, thinking. "Hm. Well, I certainly didn't come at them head-on. I bided my time in the shadows, amassing information and power. The cornerstone of the Empire was my mind... the foundation was built on information and what people could be threatened with..." I tap my lips with my fingers. "What they could be threatened with..." I say slowly. "Like - vampire secrets. Being leaked to other covens. Or getting out into the world - the idea of vampire existence being discovered would be terrifying to them. Interesting..."_

 

 

"So - covens are competitive? Meaning that we might be able to use one against the other. That's good - and bloody typical," I grin.

"Yeah, I don't fancy being passed around. I might get violent; things might get ugly..."

All of a sudden an idea hits me - and I can't believe it took me so long to think about it. It seems the most logical thing in the world.

"So - what if you made me a vampire too? Is that something you can do, or one of them would be willing to?"

 

 

_Excellent thinking, my dear... I start to imagine a plot of pitting covens against each other, when -_

_at the mention of being *passed around*, my hand moves to your arm possessively. My eyes are already glinting when you then mention the notion of someone *turning* you._

_My hands grip your arms hard._

_"No one is *turning* you. Are you mad, Sebastian? Then they would have *power* over you! They would *own* you!" I stare at you in horror, the reality of the conversation sinking in. "Wait! *What*? You want to be a *vampire*??"_

 

 

“No! Yes! I don’t know!”

I shake my head.

“I didn’t - I never thought about it until now, but - could _you_ turn me? Or is it a - thing that only certain vampires can do? I’d be alright with you having power over me. And - it seems to make sense -“ I’m warming to the idea now, “I’d be as fast and strong as you; I’d be able to protect you better. And -“

I swallow, look at you -

“I would not age and die...”

 

 

_My mouth drops open. Aghast, I curl my hands around your shoulders._

_"It's - not something I've done before," I say slowly. "Or seen done before. I found some information when I broke into the secret vampire archives. And yes, it can be dangerous - the older and more powerful the vampire is, the more likely the transformation will take. What if I try and -" I can't finish._

_We stare at each other for a moment, then I shake my head. "Absolutely not. It's too risky."_

 

 

"When you say 'take' - if it doesn't take, I assume the person just - dies?" I ask.

 

 

_I continue to stare at you. “Yes. And I’m not willing to take that chance.”_

 

 

"I don't suppose you have a percentage?" I sigh.

Damn. It seemed like such a good idea. Just - become stronger, faster, practically immortal - but then if it were that simple you'd have thought of it before...

 

 

_“I do *not* have a percentage for young vampires. It works in most cases for old vampires... powerful vampires...” I trail off. Would I be considered a powerful vampire if I was strong enough to sever the almost unbreakable bond between vampire and Maker? So thoroughly that I was able to violently destroy him - considered the worse crime there is in the vampire world - tantamount to the first angel rebelling against god and turning his beautiful face away from heaven?_

_I realize I’m staring off, and I shake myself out of it. “So. We’ll leave today and find somewhere to regroup before it gets dark. And we’ll make our plans... I like the idea of pitting the covens against each other... very much.”_

_I gaze at you, unmoving - I can’t believe you’d be willing to die to your human life... for me..._

 

 

Yeah... that sounds best.

Still. I hate the idea of being weak, being a liability for you... though I suppose I am alert during the day, when you are less so, in case they'd send some thralls after you... but during the night, I'm about as useless as a hamster, and I hate it. I spent fifteen years of my life becoming the best fucking fighter in the world, and then oh yeah Moran, turns out there's this entire race of superhuman creatures who can kill you by flicking their wrist, sorry, we kind of forgot to mention them in your training...

"Do you want to leave now? Where do you want to go? What kind of environment is best? Smallish town, but not so small we risk getting lynched for being homosexuals?"

 

 

_I groan, and return the pillow to my face. "Ahfekn heyt sml tow" is shouted out to the room._

_Thank Christ you couldn't hear how Irish I sounded. I feel a hand on my shoulder. "What?" you ask gently._

_I sigh heavily, and move the pillow down to show only my eyes. "I *fucking hate* small towns," I say, disgruntled._

_The phone rings, and we stare at each other, frozen._

 

 

_Fuck._

I move to the phone, pick it up.

"Hello?"

Nothing. Just that - sound, like there is a connection, but the person on the other side is just not talking - not even breathing -

"Hello?" I ask again.

Nothing.

I shrug, hang up, looking at you. Your eyes are boring into mine - I'm sorry, my love, I don't know either...

 

 

_"Jesus," I mutter. "Once could be a fluke... but twice?" I pick up the phone gingerly like it's a venomous snake, and place a call down to the concierge. "Hello. We've received a couple of phone calls where we couldn't hear anything... could you please call the room from a cell phone, to see if there are any issues with receiving external calls?"_

_I hang up, and wait. The phone rings. "Yes. Hello. Thank you."_

_I slam the phone down on the receiver. "Fuckers," I mutter. "I have no evidence, but I fucking know it's them! How did they track me??" I snarl, and rise from the bed._

_I start to pace, muttering. "We're *not* hiding in a small American town!" I say through gritted teeth. "I've been safe hiding out in London, I know the areas to avoid... maybe we should head home..."_

 

 

"Why would they phone you though? And how would they know where you are? I mean - if they want to kill you, wouldn't it be better not to alert you?"

I look at you, pacing, furious -

thinking about going back to London -

 _Fuck_ this.

"No." I say. You stop pacing, look at me.

"No. I am on my _honeymoon_ with my _husband_ and I'm not going to head back to London with my tail between my legs because of some _stupid_ power-playing vampires."

Your eyes seem torn between looking cross and adoring.

"I am going out and I'm going to rent a car with tinted windows. Then I'm coming to pick you up, and we're going into the desert where we're going to look at the fucking stars and get drunk and fuck in the open air. And then we're going to some motel, sleep the day away, and drive to the fucking Grand Canyon and see what that looks like by moonlight. And then to another motel. And then to the National Park, or Los Angeles, or wherever the fuck we want to go. Until we've had enough of travelling and drinking and fucking and _then_ , and _only then_ , will we go back to London and see what we can do about pitting these covens against each other."

 

 

_I'm about to answer your questions about the phone, how they tracked me, their motivation. Easy! I *don't know* and I *don't care* - but then - you unleash a delicious-wild-Tiger rant that has my head nearly spinning, and I practically swoon right then and there._

_Instead, I take the few steps separating us, and press myself hard against you. I pull you down into a fierce kiss, and when we finally break apart and you're panting as our foreheads are pressed together and we're both grasping at each other, I whisper, "Protein. Iron supplements. Water." And we stare at each other, and it feels like an inferno is about to erupt, and we kiss again like it's the first time, and the last time, and we're the only thing that matters, and no coven in the world can come between us. "Fuck the world. Fuck the vampires," I hiss. "Get the car. And *come back to me*. Hear me, Tiger?"_

 

 

"I got iron supplements baby..." I grin. "And I'll pick us up a picnic... well - mostly me... we'll have to pick up your dinner somewhere on the road. I'm sure we can get some car to stop on a lonely road... poor driver never found, what a mystery..."

I frown, suddenly serious.

"Wait - what if your body clearance team are what put the vampires onto us? How certain are you that they are not compromised?"

 

 

_I huff in response. "I can't be certain... I didn't get the impression of any untoward agenda from my Vegas contact, but obviously I don't trust anyone - and can't speak for all his little workers. If any one of them is involved with the vampire network, they certainly could have notified them - for reward, for getting in good with them - who knows. Then after the first body, the vamps would just be waiting for the next call - so they could try to track my scent, my steps... I'm surprised that they wouldn't just break into the room... but then, vampires do like to *play*..." I growl, feeling my eyes spark red. "Lucky for us, I was playing with my prey *long* before I was turned. They want a game? We'll give them a *game*, darling... a little cat and mouse to start. Only they still think they're the cats, poor dears..."_

 

 

I love seeing you turn feral. How dare these lowlifes threaten you...

I kiss you. “Let’s try to get rid of any bodies we create en route ourselves... if we cut open the throat after you’ve drunk, it won’t be evident it was a vampire attack. Then if we bury them in the middle of nowhere, it could be ages before they’re found... or chuck them in a lake... dump the car somewhere - they won’t be able to track us.

I’ll head off, get supplies - anything you need baby?”

 

 

_"Just your sweet arse back here, baby..." I coo at you. "And now we have a plan for our honeymoon, after all - a madcap joyride across America's Wild West. Drinking, Fucking, Killing... disposing of bodies... and *possibly* being tracked by ruthless vampires," I grin, and throw my arms around your neck. "Well, if you wanted boring and predictable, you shouldn't have married *me*... what were you thinking, Tiger?" I chide, kissing your lips._

 

 

"That's my husband," I grin, lifting you up, twirling you around, kissing you, and putting you back down.

"I'll be right back," I whisper, and head outside. First I rent a car, then head to a supermarket where I buy a cool box and supplies - food, water, booze, fags, sunscreen factor 100... My training kicks in - we're going into the desert - and I can't help but buy a sewing kit, a wire saw, a magnifying glass, binoculars, rope, matches, candles, medical kit - you never know - that will do, Moran.

When I get back to the hotel I'm nervous - I hated leaving you alone, even for a short while - and am immensely relieved when I find you, packed, and wearing clothing that covers nearly every inch of you. I hug you tight, then hand you the sunscreen.

 

 

_While you're gone, I force myself to pack, and not climb the walls with worry - wait - *can* I climb the walls, as a vampire? So much I still don't know!!_

_I ponder what I've seen of vampirekind, organize it fastidiously in my mind map: Vampires, Physical Capabilities... Vampires, Learning Their Secrets... Vampires, Turning Their Secrets Against Them..._

_I'm fully packed, dressed, and lost in reverie, when I hear footsteps in the hallway - I tense at first, but then a wave of your scent and energy hits me, and it's all I can do not to go sprinting down the hall at you._

_You scoop me up into a hug - no twirl this time, but I should tell you how much I *loved* that. Made me feel like a heart-eyed Disney princess - *yes*, with fangs and psychopathy. Very niche._

_When you push sunscreen at me, I make a face - then slather the cream on my exposed skin with distaste - it makes me feel cold and clammy, and it means I'm heading out into the sunlight... into the *desert* of all things..._

_How did I let you talk me into this, I think as we head down the hall with our luggage. We could be halfway to the airport by now..._

_Oh yes, all your talk of drinking and fucking in the open air - made me forget about the bit about the *open air*._

_*Ugh*... but we're certainly not doing anything so terrible as camping... just stopping to looking at all the nature, ooh ahh, drinking, fucking, eating someone, disposing of the body and then heading to a motel to rest._

_"Are there luxury motels?" I ask hopefully, as the elevator doors close._

 

 

"I'm sure there are," I assure you with the confidence of a man who's never seen an American motel up close.

We get out - I've tipped one of the doormen a good amount to keep our car right on the curb so you don't have to walk through the sun to get there.

I help you get into the back of the car. The back windows are fully tinted, and the front window has some kind of film on it that blocks much of the sunlight while still allowing good vision. There's also a partition that we can put up between the front and back seats that puts the back into a complete twilight. I just hope it's comfortable for you.

I drive off, then check in. "How is that? Is it bearable, or do you want the partition up? I also got some car window shades with suction cups, they're in the bag next to you."

 

 

_God, the care you take with me... like I'm your King as well as your true love._

_I'm practically swooning as I'm safely tucked into the backseat of the car._

_But then you're in the front, and I'm in the back, and I don't like being away from you..._

_"Don't you dare. I can handle it... I won't have a partition between us..." I sniff and look around, already bored. I'd start scheming on my laptop, but I'm a bit groggy for vengeance. Maybe I should take a short nap..._

_I stretch out. "If you see anyone suitable for a snack... do stop," I call out, yawning. "I'm having a tiny sleep, and I'll be right back, Seb..." before I even finish saying your name, I feel the darkness loom over me, and then swallow me whole._

 

 

Aw, my sweet little vampire. You look like a teenage boy with your cap and hoodie, asleep on the back seat. I assume the light level is alright, then.

I drive out of Vegas, without a clear plan. I thought I’d just drive south, to the Mojave Desert - sounds pretty. We have about three hours to sundown - I’m not sure what time is pleasant for you to start walking around in.

I see several people, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have a vampire get out in the bright desert sunlight. Better wait until later.

I wonder if you would be able to drink someone after I’ve shot them? That might make things easier...

I keep driving. The surroundings are beautiful. It’s great to be in a desert just for fun; without having to kill people or practice killing people. Well - we’ll need to kill one person, but they’re not likely to be dangerous. I find myself looking for places to hide - no need, Seb... no one is looking. Or - probably not. I do keep an eye out for cars following us - I’d do that anyway - but no one is.

 

 

_I feel myself floating towards light, and it's so bright, why is it *so bright*??_

_I awake in a panic, covering up my face with my arms. Where the fuck am I? Why am I in a *car*??_

_Oh... yes... our honeymoon 'getaway'..._

_I collapse against the seat, then blink at your concerned face looking back at me, calling my name, and preparing to pull over._

_"Don't worry about me, Tiger," I croak. "Coming back can be bumpy... I just forgot where I was..."_

_I notice a duffel bag on the floor in front of me, with a water bottle and fresh raspberries. Aw. You think of everything._

_I pull out the bottle, drink all the contents, and begin to pop berries into my mouth._

_"Thank you, Sebbie..." I smile weakly at you in the rear-view mirror._

 

 

Ah good - I didn't know if you needed sustenance on waking, but it looks like you do.

"It's about two hours till last light," I say. "Let's have a stop and have breakfast together."

I get in the back, get out the cool box with food, a camping burner, coffee, orange juice. "I'll cook up a coffee and bring it into the car."

I get the burner going as I look out over the lengthening shadows in the desert. It feels odd to be sitting next to a vehicle, brewing up coffee - brings back memories...

I notice the memories aren't painful any more though. It used to be that I couldn't think of my time in the army without pangs of hurt - feeling like a failure, a fuck-up, working all my life to be something and then just being - thrown out, discarded, no longer wanted - when I was too old to really start a different career, and all that was open to me was a life of crime - which was not too bad, but - I had nothing to live for. No mission. I didn't believe in the whole Queen and Country bullshit, but I did believe in the Regiment, in my mates, in being the fucking best, the ones who could do what no one else could. Any time we went out I could die - I didn't mind. Some guys had families, kids, and would care, in a way - but even they knew that the job came first. They couldn't have done it otherwise.

But now - I have a new mission. My mission is a pale small narcissistic sadistic vampire waiting for coffee. And it's the most beautiful mission I've ever had.

I don't see how the guys with wives could just - leave them and go to be shot at for two years - being separated from you for two days was hell.

Who knew. I am a hopeless romantic after all.

I put the coffee in cups, carry them into the car. Fortunately, like all American cars I've seen, it's huge, so plenty of space to use the cool box as a picnic table.

 

 

_I wait in the car for you, feeling theatrically mopey and ill at ease. It feels so strange being awake during daylight hours - even with the darkened windows, I *feel* the presence of the sun, and it makes me weaker and out of sorts. Ugh - I hate that. It's good having a big, strong Tiger to take care of me - but being weak and kittenish is no picnic._

_When you return, I smile at you morosely, and accept the coffee cup with no complaints about how terrible I feel. Just look at how much I'm evolving, Tiger!_

_I take a sip and make a face. "Ugh. Everything tastes *wrong* at this time of day! Just dig a hole in the ground and throw me in!" I say, throwing my head back against the seat._

_Oh. God. Surly vampire o'clock._

_"How much time till this blasted sun goes down?" I whine, covering my eyes._

 

 

"It should set in about forty minutes," I say. "It's low now and shining directly into the car because there's no cover of buildings or trees - I'll put up a shade thing -"

I get out one of the large blinds I bought, stick it onto the two side windows that are facing the sun, blocking it out completely. It looks a lot better to me - at least we can't see the sun any more, though there's still plenty of light coming in.

"Wait -" I get out quickly so as not to let the sun in too much, open the driver's door, pull up the partition. When I dive back in, it's much shadier.

"Slightly better? I'm so sorry, my love. Tomorrow we will be in a room with good blackout curtains."

 

 

_I pout. "S'better... S'not your fault. Stupid territorial bloodsuckers. Make them pay," I mutter. "Sebbie... I'm *hungry*. Aren't there any hapless humans out there?" I look at you hopefully._

 

 

Oh? Eh - sure - there are cars that come by now and then -

"Can you eat - eh, wounded or dead humans? I mean - if I went out and shot someone through the windscreen, or shot the tyre so they'd skid off the road and got hurt - would that spoil them for you?"

 

 

_“Sebbie, I can’t eat someone who’s died,” I groan. “Vampires feed on life, darling... *life*!”_

_This is outlandish... humans are everywhere constantly, and the one time I *really* need one, there’s none to be found??_

_“Oh god...This is where I’ll meet my end. In *nature*...” I mutter, flouncing against the seat._

 

 

Jesus Christ. I thought I'd met drama queen vampire Moriarty. Turns out I've only encountered the toned-down soft-light night-time version. The full daylight one is a few shades more histrionic.

"Alright. I was only asking. I haven't read the Keeping and Caring for Vampires manual yet.

So then I think the best thing is to hide the vehicle, hijack the next car that comes by, drive it onto a side road, you feed, we slit the throat or throats, make it look like a robbery. Can you wait until it's dark enough? You had dinner last night - or is it because you had to be in the light?"

 

 

_“Because of this infernal light...” I mutter. “It’s been a while since I had to do it. Other than when I was out stalking you... but I had other things on my mind then. I don’t handle it so well not getting a full day’s sleep... and now you know.” I sigh heavily, and stare out the tinted window._

_“I also don’t handle it well being threatened or played with...” I say, my voice a soft, dangerous snarl. “I need a throat, Sebbie... soon.”_

 

 

... right... sure, I'll get you a throat, no problem at all, in broad daylight.

I sigh. You have your orders, soldier... now go and carry them out.

"Alright. You stay here, I'll get you someone."

I get my binoculars out, sit behind the car, looking at the road either side, waiting for a vehicle to approach. It's a quiet road, which is good for my purposes - but that means waiting may take a while.

That's alright. I'm used to waiting. You, however...

It takes about ten minutes for a car to approach from the north. I train my binoculars on it - one male driver, no passengers. Hallelujah.

I've opened the bonnet, am going to wave him down. If he looks like he's not stopping, I'll pull my gun.

Fortunately, he slows down when he sees me waving, winds down his window. I walk over, smiling my thanks. "What's wrong, buddy?" he asks. I pull out my gun and hold it against his head.

"Sorry, mate," I smile, check the rest of the car -

fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

On the back seat is a girl sleeping - about seven years old I guess. _Shit_.

I put my finger to my mouth, gesture at him to get out. He does, as quietly as he can. If she doesn't wake up, she may yet live...

I lead him to the car. He's pleading, softly - "Please don't hurt my girl. Please. I have some money - I'll give you everything I have. If you want, we'll drive to the next town, I'll get you all the cash in my bank account. Please -"

"Get in the back," I hiss at him. He opens the door. You lunge at him. I push him inside, tell you - "I'll be right back," shut the door.

I turn back to the car. Now what? If she wakes, she can identify the number plate, me - I have to get her out of here before she wakes up -

_It's safest to just kill her_

I groan. I know, but - she's only a _child_ -

Fuck this!

I pull a ski mask and gloves out of the boot, put them on, get into the car. The girl is still asleep, thank goodness.

A mobile phone is connected to a USB charger. It has a pink pony cover, so presumably is hers and not her dad's.

I start driving, looking back regularly to check on her - still fast asleep. We're out of visual reach of the car now - if she wakes up, she'll only have seen a guy in a ski mask.

I drive for about half a mile, then get into a side road, that I drive into for about a mile. I check the mobile phone - it has signal and charge. When she wakes up, she can call for help.

I get out of the car, start running back to where we are parked.

Not a great way to start our desert adventure.

 

 

_You're gone for too long, and I'm whimpering into the seat... god, I really didn't expect to react so badly. I always think I can rise above things like a body's needs. Guess I was wrong... I hear two sets of footsteps moving towards the car. Dinner??_

_I sit up suddenly, and practically plaster myself against the window to see what you brought me - oh such a nice tall man, he'll be so full of lovely blood..._

_When you open the door, I practically fly out of the car at him. But no, there's *sunlight* out there, and I'm already feeling like I have sunstroke. I yank the man against me, and he looks completely terrified._

_I'm quite sure I can take him if he struggles, but just to be safe - since I'm not up to full strength, I quickly establish eye contact and speak soothingly._

_"Everything's going to be fine," I murmur, laying a hand on his face._

_"Really?" he demands, looking hopeful._

_"Of course..." I whisper lovingly. "Now be still..."_

_He obeys and I open my mouth. When I sink my teeth into his neck, it's such a sweet relief I start to weep. It feels like I've been careful for so long, so careful not to take too much from you - it's so good to just drink freely, feeling the sweet nectar splash across my tongue. I drink and drink, moaning with pleasure, pressing my hands into his neck like a cat kneading a lap._

_As I feel myself filling up, I slow down. I shouldn't drain the entire body, if we're going to make it seem like a regular murder..._

_I push the body away from me and he slumps onto the floor - not quite dead, but unconscious - and he will expire soon..._

_I fall against the seat in a rush of bliss. God... so good..._

_Where are you? I'm so euphoric, I don't fret, but there's a niggle of worry underneath. When you finally return, you open the door and look at me in surprise._

_"What, darling?" I murmur._

_You gesture at my face. I feel wetness around my lips and on my chin, and I touch it. My fingers come away bright red. Jesus, I must look like a monster..._

_I grin at you fiercely. "Five-star service, darling. Do you have a towel?"_

 

 

I point at the napkins from breakfast, grab a bottle of water, gulp it down.

"There was a slight issue - he had a daughter with him, asleep on the back seat. I drove her about a mile and a half out of here, she didn't wake up. She's got a mobile phone, so she can call for help when she wakes up. That means we have to get out of here. We can dump the guy, but not here, in case anyone has noticed our car sitting here. Maybe where I took the turning."

I look at the guy, bleeding out onto the car floor. Well. It's a good thing I hadn't planned to return it.

"Your daughter is safe, mate," I tell him, in case he's still conscious enough to hear it.

I look back up at you. "Are you alright with leaving now?"

 

 

_I listen to a stream of logistical information that seems terribly complicated. Something about my dinner’s offspring and a mobile phone. I shrug, not wanting to be bothered with any of it. “Of course we can go... I feel like my sweet, charming self again. *Thank you*, darling...” I beam at you, and slip gracefully over the seat into the front._

_“Now for music! And our honeymoon adventure begins...” I say, caressing your thigh. Mmm. So muscular..._

 

 

You seem all sunshine and rainbows again - well, the vampire equivalent - moonlight and eh, dewdrops or something. You're even sliding into the front, despite it still being light - though the sun is behind the horizon.

I drive to the side road, slit the guy's throat, throw him out of the car. It's going to be clear from the lack of blood that he's been moved after he bled out, but they can puzzle about that. At least there is no evidence of bites any more.

And we're off, heading south, Britney Spears blazing through the speakers.

 

_Kill the Lights!_

_(Take 'em out, turn 'em off, break 'em down)_

_Kill the Lights!_

_(Don't be scared, make a move, see me now?)_

_Kill the Lights!_

_(I've seen you, watching me, watching you)_

_Kill the Lights!_

_You can't handle the truth_

_What happened to you?_

 

 

_I dance in the seat next to you as you drive._

 

_Was I supposed to reassure you about the girl or killing her father? It's so hard to judge the needs of humans... and non-psychopaths. I should probably ask you about that later. But when I've been drinking fresh blood, I'm in true killer mode and it's difficult to think of anyone else..._

 

_A new song begins about a striptease - I'm not familiar with it, but I decide I like it. I should put on a show for you sometime during our adventure..._

 

Only thing that can quench my thirst

I want you first, I want you first

 

It's never very hard stayin' true

When I'm stayin' true to you

And your kisses are all I think about

The proof is in your moves and your grooves

And the little things you do

And the silly things you laugh about

 

_I'm singing to you now, like a rock star in a music video that takes place on a road trip. There are no cars in front of us as far as the eye can see... so you're able to watch me, with the occasional glance at the road. You watch my seductive antics - oh. Sebastian. Just wait until my clothes start coming off... you are in for *such* a treat..._

 

 

Wow, you're all hyper. You get like that after drinking... It's only that I am in a bit of a different mood having just murdered a guy practically in front of his sleeping child and left her alone in the desert. She's going to be terrified when she wakes up...

Not your problem, soldier.

Yeah, OK. I had little choice, and in the circumstances, I did the best I could. There was no way I could have seen her, and I could have just killed her to avoid any risk of discovery - this way she can phone her mummy and be rescued.

I just hope she doesn't see her daddy's body when they come to get her.

Or try to walk back to the road herself and come across him.

 _Damn it_ , soldier! You've never asked questions about who you kill and why.

No. But they've always been adults. Usually soldiers, or weapon engineers, or assassins or terrorists - people who knowingly went into danger. And after that, as an assassin - well, no one ever hired me to kill a child, or kill a guy in front of his child.

They could have done. And I would have done it.

I would have killed Fergus if he'd seemed dangerous.

So why is this suddenly haunting me?

I don't know. It will pass.

But - your happy mood isn't helping. I just seem to be getting grumpier.

 

 

I called, you came

It seems to be the only way

I'll be dreamin' of the kissin'

That I'm missin'

Truly wishin' that you listen

When I simply say to you

 

Striptease for me, baby

 

_Wait... this is *not* the face of someone who is enraptured with the seductive performance of his true love... or having a meltdown at the thought of a striptease from said love..._

_What the fuck is going on?_

_I look at you perplexed, and stop dancing._

 

_"What's wrong, Sebastian?"_

_You're silent for a moment, brooding. Stopping myself from demanding that you answer me, I consider the possibilities for myself..._

_Why would you tell me about that child, in such detail? And then the thing you said to her unconscious parent - how surprisingly sentimental..._

_"The girl? Are you feeling regret about killing the father?" I gentle my voice. No point in making you any more upset... but how long is this going to last?_

 

 

I sigh.

"Regret - no, I wanted to kill him, you needed food, I don't feel bad about that - but - yeah, the girl - she's only so little, and I keep thinking about her waking up alone in the back of the car with her daddy gone and panicking - or maybe going out to search for him and _finding_ him - or - maybe even getting lost in the desert, I don't know -

I don't kill kids. Haven't killed kids up to now. Don't see a situation where I ever should. And I know I didn't kill her, but - she's going to suffer. A lot. Because of me. And - I don't know, I guess people I killed before may well have had kids, and I never thought about it, but - I've never seen them up close, sleeping while I dragged away their father to be eaten alive -"

 

 

_"Oh." My face screws up as I consider this. "Right..."_

_I stare at the road as we drive in silence. How am I supposed to make you feel better, when these feelings don't register for me?_

_Love is no cakewalk for a psychopath or a vampire... I think there's a reason they rarely partake. At least in a real way, not just narcissistic pair-bonding so they can get their needs met. Suddenly panic floods through me. This isn't what this is, *is it*? I look at your face, the sorrowful look in your eye, the lines in your brow. I hurt when you hurt... I want to make it better for you... I want to put aside my own needs so I can see to yours. That's love, isn't it??_

_"Sebastian, I-" You look over at me, and my mouth snaps shut. I really am out of my element here..._

_"Regret and remorse are not common bedfellows for me..." I say slowly. "But - I can honestly say some of my worst moments in life and beyond were when I experienced them. About what happened to my brother, not being able to save him... and my mother, too. And you - how I treated you at the beginning..." I wince. "So if you're feeling even a fraction of that for what's going to happen to that child, then - I'm sorry. Especially because you did it for me. Don't ever feel you have to kill children or parents for me, if it will upset you. I'll be a whingey, snarly mess, but I'll cope... I'm sorry you feel sad..." I trail off helplessly, and put my hand on your arm. "Do you want me to send an anonymous tip to the nearest police station, so they'll head over to her now? I'll do it from my laptop, and make sure it can't be traced..."_

 

 

 _Shit_ -

Why did I say that -

You were afraid that I would be turned off by you feeding off people and then I say _that_ -

You are silent for a while and I glance at you - but you don't look pissed off. Just kind of pensive.

And then - oh. You understand. Or - are trying to, anyway.

"I didn't know - I had my gun on the guy before I saw the kid. I'd _assumed_ he was alone. That will teach me," I sigh. "But - if you'd give an anonymous tip - if it's not risky for you - that would really reassure me. At least she won't go wandering without calling anyone and die out there, scared and alone.

Thanks, Jim.

And - thanks for doing your best to understand. I know it can't be easy for you."

 

 

_I give you a pained smile. "Regardless... I want to do everything in my power to make you happy..." I reach into the backseat and grab my laptop._

_"God, Seb... I swore *vows* to make you happy..." I say sadly, as I start tapping at the keys. "And here it is day 2 of our honeymoon, and you did something for me that makes you feel awful... because I was freaking out. I wish I could go back in time, I really do..." Twinges of something are cutting through my insides - *Guilt*... fuck, *this* again?_

_I slump against the seat, and begin to weave my magic - sending signals through various locations around the world, in such a complex manner that no police department is going to have the resources to figure it out... not over one dead man at the side of the road._

_"There was an eyewitness, saw a roadside robbery happening as she was driving by - she was on her own, too afraid to stop. She feels terrible, but she thinks there may have been a child in the car - she hopes the child wasn't hurt. And, done..." I look over my work - masterful, if I do say so myself. If only I could fix things for you as easily..._

 

 

"Thanks, sweetheart," I smile at you, genuinely relieved.

"And please, don't feel bad about it - if it had been just him, I wouldn't have thought twice. I was perfectly happy to get you some food. I had no idea that he had a child with him - she wasn't visible, I thought he was just a man alone. I should have checked the car _before_ I pulled out my gun - but I didn't consider the possibility of someone sleeping in the back. Or if it was, it being a kid.

It was my own fault. Please don't feel guilty, my love."

 

 

_"Easier said than done, darling! Stupid, ridiculous *feelings*..." I mutter darkly. "But I suppose better that I have them when it comes to you, than *not* having them... anyway! I'm glad the plan tonight is to drink, darling!"_

_I slide my hand into your bigger one, and the warmth of your palm feels so reassuring. The feelings of guilt are still burning inside me - but dissipating somewhat, thanks to your relief._

_I feel your hand squeeze mine, and I smile at you. Everything is better with you - *everything*._

_"I'll brave all the ludicrous feelings in the world to protect what we have, Sebbie..."_

 

 

Yes. Drink is good. Drink makes feelings go away. Bad feelings, anyhow.

And there's no reason to feel bad. If the girl had been at home her daddy would have died anyway, she'd have been sad anyway, got over it. People die, in many messy, unpredictable ways. It's the way of the world. People die more often when you and I are around - it's the way of us.

Is it messed up? Certainly. Would I want to change it? Certainly not. I used to kill people for money - now I kill them for love. Which is nobler? None of it is - it's all survival. The world is a shit place, find your niche and try to make it fun while you can. My niche is killing, as is yours - we're lucky to have found each other.

And we're on our honeymoon and we're going to celebrate.

I turn the radio up again.

 

_It's getting late_

_To give you up_

_I took a sip_

_From my devil's cup_

_Slowly, it's taking over me_

 

 

_I look over at you wryly. *Well*. How apropos, Ms Spears..._

_Yes, to the moralizing outside world, we would be considered on the toxic side, wouldn't we..._

_But from the perspective of the jungle cat, the scorpion, the viper... people can go fuck themselves._

_After all... *people* were hardly there for me or my brother during our fucked-up childhoods... or the abuse I endured... or my time in a mental institution... or when I was on the run on the streets... or my brother's downward spiral into drug addiction and then death..._

_And I know there's something in your past that still haunts you and hurts you deep down... that contributed to you becoming the killer that you are... something so terrible, you can't even put it into words with the man you love._

_I *understand*, my darling... we live outside the world's reach, safe in the shadows... but that doesn’t mean they're safe from us._

 

Oh,

Taste of your lips

I'm on a ride

You're toxic, I'm slippin' under

With the taste of a poison paradise

 

!'m addicted to you

Don't you know that you're toxic?

And I love what you do

Don't you know that you're toxic?

 

_Smiling, I lean back in my seat and squeeze your hand back._

 

 

Ah my sweet Jim, my love...

Toxic... Intoxicating... and so damn addictive...

I smile at you as we drive through the desert twilight. The night is young and so are we...

Driving through the desert, stupid pop music on the radio, unbeatable enemies after us - I feel _right_ at home...

Except to make it all even more perfect, I have my _husband_ beside me, the most beautiful man I've ever seen, smiling at me seductively, singing along to the music.

 

_Mama I'm in love with a criminal_

_And this type of love isn't rational, it's physical_

_Mama please don't cry, I will be alright_

_All reason aside I just can't deny, I love that guy_

 

 

_Well, this is just perfect, isn’t it - Britney strikes again._

_And really, it’s a shame the world will never see my car dancing... because it’s stunningly beautiful, especially given the limits of the medium. But vampires don’t gravitate towards convertibles, so there’s no standing on the seat... instead I unhook my safety belt and rest on my knees, much to your delight._

 

He is a villain by the devil's law

He is a killer just for fun, fun, fun, fun

That man's a snitch and unpredictable

He's got no conscience, he got none, none, none, none

 

_I punctuate the lines with serpentine hips and waving arms, and now that you’ve let go of some of your guilt, you’re grinning and enjoying the show. But how could you not? I’m crawling towards you on the seat, singing to you, and running my hands over your body. Thank Christ we’re in the desert, and there’s nothing to crash into..._

 

 

If James Moriarty wants to dance, he shall, and he won't let a small detail like being in a car hold him back.

And there is nothing more beautiful and elegant in the world than Jim Moriarty dancing, so I'm getting slightly distracted from my driving, _especially_ when you are crawling at me and touching me...

I don't think we're far enough away from the scene of the crime though, Jim... I'd like to drive at least another hour before we stop. So I do my _best_ to concentrate on the road, but it's not easy - thank goodness it's quiet here.

 

 

_I feign pouting when you don't reciprocate, and return to sitting position - but soon the music lifts me up again. I want to get to where we're going so I can burst out of the car, and dance in the desert - with only you and the cacti to witness it. And... what else? I scan my mind map for local desert fauna - Coyotes... jackrabbits... Oooh, mountain lions... I would like to pet one, I think wistfully. But I don't think you'll let me go near one..._

_Hopefully the big kitties_ _will sense that they shouldn't attack the humans in their territory - I imagine_ _we give off enough of a predator vibe - especially me with my preternatural_ _blood._

_The thought of predators_ _roaming the desert at night... I feel my eyes flash with excitement._

_The music is getting_ _decidedly darker, and soon I'm back to dancing in my seat._

 

It's in the water, baby

It's in the pills that

pick you up

It's in the water, baby

It's in the special way we

fuck

It's in the water, baby

It's in your family tree

It's in the water, baby

It's between you and me

 

_Well, we may not be doing drugs together, but intoxication and addiction is certainly an element of our relationship... and neither of seems inclined to worry about it anymore._

 

Bite the hand that feeds

Tap the vein that bleeds

Down on my bended knees,

I'd break the back of love

for you

I'd break the back of love

for you

 

_If anyone *were* out_ _on the road, they'd be seeing my glowing eyes by now... when you turn to look_ _at me, you don't seem at all troubled by it... my tongue darts out over my_ _lips, then I smile at you adoringly and kiss your hand._

 

 

It looks like whatever station we are listening to has run out of Britney - hadn't taken you for a Placebo listener, but the way you are moving and singing, it just fits you _perfectly_...

Your eyes are glowing in the dark like a cat's, except red instead of yellow, and your sinuous moves, and your tongue... you're making it _very_ difficult to stay on the road, my dear. I've already drifted off the side several times... fortunately there is nothing there but pebbles and sand.

"Jim Moriarty... you're going to get us both killed in a horrible car crash..."

Oh, sod it. I'm sure we're far enough away -

I drive onto the sand, not too far from the road - should have got a 4WD, but I was more focussing on the tinting of the windows - and stop on a nice bit of level ground.

"One midnight picnic for a vampire and assassin coming up..." I say as I undo my seat belt.

 


	25. Highway to Hell

Livin' easy

Lovin' free

Season ticket on a one way ride

Askin' nothin'

Leave me be

 

 

_You spread out a blanket on the ground for us - oh my, you thought of everything. Well, I assume you guessed I wouldn’t be jumping at the thought of fucking on the cold ground. I may be a creature of the night, but I still have *standards*, I think primly._

_I watch you lay out your steak sandwich, and various side dishes, as well as a bottle of wine to share - and for me, some lovely rare roast beef and a chocolate strawberry tart. I hand you the baguette that the beef was placed into - carbs do nothing for me as a vampire. Sugar is clearly a holdover from my days as a human - vampires often carry over some passions from their lives into their afterlives._

_I sit on the blanket, and pluck pieces of roast beef to pop into my mouth as I watch you devour your sandwich._

_“Mmm... delicious! How’s your steak, darling?” I inquire, handing you a glass of wine._

 

 

“Very good, thank you, dearest,” I grin. I like watching you eat normal food, savouring the taste.

I knock back my glass of wine - that was welcome, after this weird day.

You refill it with a flourish, have a sip yourself.

I finish my sandwich, lean down on my elbows. “Not many stars yet... but there will be. That’s Venus...” I point to a bright star next to the rising moon.

“There’s Cassiopeia,” you point. “That’s Ursa Major, and next to it is Leo - you can just see Regulus, its brightest star. It’s in fact a double star - if you look at it later with your binoculars, you may be able to see it. There are also several bright galaxies inside - and it’s home to one of the largest superstructures in the universe, Huge-LQG, about 4 billion light years across...”

You notice me staring at you.

“What? Sorry - am I not romantic enough?”

“No!” I exclaim. “No, I’m - impressed - how do you know so much about stars?”

Here was me thinking I could impress you with my basic navigation skills...

 

 

_I lean back on my arms, and stare up at the night sky. "In another lifetime... I thought I would study astrophysics. That, or theatre and dance..." I say wryly. "So you see, the shine of stars has always drawn me in... one way or another! Being nestled safely in the darkness - of the stage or the universe - far away from everyone and everything and just being beautiful and untouchable and *majestic*..." I sigh. "So, I did study on my own, whenever I could - but as you know, things took a turn when I was young, and - life didn't afford me the opportunity to enter formal studies. Still - I continued to study on my own, especially once the Empire was started - things were a bit more stable for me then, ironically enough."_

_My head swivels at a sound, and in the distance, I spot eyes glowing in the darkness._

_"Speaking of shining in the darkness... hello, kitty," I breathe, enraptured._

 

 

_Kitty?_

I look where you are looking - a flash of eyes - not red, yellow - a shape barely visible against a rock -

A - puma?! So close to us?

You must have - called it in some way, with your vampire magic - do vampires have an effect on animals?

You are enthralled, looking at the animal with total fascination - I am sitting completely still so as not to scare it off. It's moving slowly, stealthily - towards us.

Wow.

 

 

_"Just look, Sebastian..." I whisper, and crawl towards her. You make a noise in your throat, and whisper my name, but you don't make a move to stop me. Good. When the hell am I going to find a predatory cat roaming London?_

_Although, come to think of it, I don't actually *know* what will happen... I just have this - sense. A shiver wafts over my body like a sparkling mist. With my night vision, I can make out the kitty moving closer, her whiskers quivering, a tremor running through her muscles._

_But not from fear - ohh, *curious* kitty. Coming across something she's never seen before... of *course*, she wants a closer look._

_Stealthily, steadily we move closer to each other. Behind me, I can feel tension coming off you like waves - it'll be *fine*, Sebastian. I *think* it will be fine..._

_About ten feet away from each other we both stop. She lets out a raspy half-growl, half-meow, and I have to stop myself from shrieking at you with excitement._

_She does it again - *mrroww*, sounding indignant and demanding, and I cover my mouth so as not to laugh. My shoulders shake silently as I watch her place a heavy paw one step closer._

 

 

What the actual flying fuck.

I'm watching my husband having a - sort of predatory mating dance with a puma. Stalking each other, not taking your eyes off each other, getting closer and closer _so_ slowly -

The cat makes a sound - and you stand there nearly _giggling_ while a 100-pound kitty stalks closer to you.

What does it want? It can't think of you as prey - mountain lions hardly ever attack humans, and then only if they're crazed with hunger - this one doesn't look too malnourished to me. And also - I know cats, mostly house cats, but the way it's walking - it's not hunting. It's wary, but curious, ready to run away if you make one wrong move, but eager to see what this - creature is.

I know you can take care of yourself, but my hand is moving so very, very slowly towards my gun.

 

 

_I feel myself sink into that mesmerizing power within me, just in case I need it. Although if she lunges at me, I think it will be a tad late for mesmerizing..._

_Hmm. I take another step closer, and then wait on my hands and knees. "Come, my beauty..." I call in a silky, soothing voice. "I just want to see how gorgeous you are up close..."_

_The kitty hesitates, then moves closer still. I let my eyes glow gently, and she tilts her head, sniffs the air, and moves closer._

_It takes several moments, and much encouraging, but kitty and I are finally looking at each other, nose to nose._

_She sniffs my face insistently, and I beam, briefly closing my eyes._

_"I would *never* hurt you... beautiful girl..." I whisper, gazing at her._

_I slowly hold out my hand to her to sniff, and feel her tongue touch my skin questioningly. I sigh with contentment._

_"I'm like you," I murmur. "Wanna be friends?"_

_She slowly rubs against me, starting with my face, moving around my back. I feel a deep, vibrating rumble against me._

_"Oh. You *purr*, don't you..." I say in awe. "Thank you..."_

_She swipes past me again, almost knocking me over. I giggle and steady myself._

_"You go on now... find yourself a juicy rabbit." I hesitantly move my hand, and she just looks at me. I run my hand over her head, and down her neck and back - her fur is at once silky and coarse, and covers a *powerhouse* of muscle and ferocity. My mouth forms an 'o' in shock._

_She blinks lazily - as if to say, ‘You think *you're* majestic, honey?’ Then she huffs haughtily, and lopes away._

_I sit back in the dry soil, laughing in shock. "Yeah, alright. You win, kitty..." I grin, and watch her disappear into the night._

_Then slowly I get up and make my way back to you, standing and waiting for me, your face pale in the moonlight._

_"I touched one..." I say softly, and almost dizzy with excitement, I practically fall into your arms._

 

 

My gun is out and cocked. One wrong move, kitty-cat... I am not going to disturb your moment, whatever is happening between you, but I am not going to sit and watch while my husband of not even 48 hours is mauled by a lion.

I have no idea what’s going on - whether this is something you do all the time (I doubt it - didn’t you say you hate nature?) or if it is a new experiment for you, but your soldier husband is ready. At least big animals I can take - unlike your vampire buddies.

That said, through my alertness I can see the beauty of what is happening. You are enchanted by the kitty, and it by you. You’re dancing around each other, _touching_ , and it’s wary, but not scared or aggressive. It seems to like you, which is unthinkable - like most cats, pumas are solitary, so if it isn’t to mate, they won’t meet up - and it doesn’t look like it wants to mate with you, fortunately. It really does look for all the world like it’s curious, happy with what it found, and now - on its way again, leaving you staring in absolute infatuation after it.

“You did indeed,” I smile as you stumble into my arms, half-dazed. “What kind of weird magic was that? I thought you said you didn’t like nature? It seemed to like you plenty...”

 

 

_I grin at you, blissful. "I have no idea... I don't know enough about vampires to understand my weird magic. It certainly flies in the face of my belief system as a human! But if my rational mind were still in charge, I would have to explain to myself that I couldn't exist... and based on my propensity for wilful tyranny, I'm afraid I might disappear in a puff of smoke."_

_I lay my head against your chest, enjoying being held up._

_"I *don't* like nature," I say loftily. "But there are exceptions, and those exceptions are cats. And they always like me - I'm *so happy* to learn that applies to the big ones, too! But I should have guessed by *your* reaction to me, Tiger..."_

_I level a seductive smile at you. "Care for another drink?"_

 

 

I snigger at your metaphysical theorem that you’d make yourself disappear - you’re stubborn enough for it...

I’m glad cats like you. They like me too usually - as do most animals, but you don’t strike me as the type to roughhouse with a big dog, or milk a cow.

“Oh, this Tiger _loves_ you... but if you are going to get up close and personal with any other big cats, please tell me beforehand. I found that a bit unnerving,” I confess. “Especially if you don’t know what exactly is going on. If it had turned on you it might have hurt you before I could have shot it...”

You look down at my gun like you hadn’t noticed it before.

 

 

_"You - wouldn't really have shot a kitty, would you?" I look at you, aghast. "I didn't sense any threat from her, or I wouldn't have approached. And I'm very fast..." I trail off. If I had seen you courting danger like that, I would have flipped out._

_"I'm sorry, Sebbie... I didn't actually know what I was doing until I was doing it... but I'll tell you next time I want to do something impulsive and reckless..."_

 

 

Your face is shocked - well - I’m sorry my darling but you are my _husband_ and I’m a _soldier_ and you were cuddling a _lion_.

Oh good, you seem to understand. And - well, that’s as much as I could ask for I guess. We’re certainly not going to stop doing impulsive and reckless stuff...

“What, like marry an assassin that you’ve just met?” I grin.

 

 

_“Whaaat? I thought that was very rational, and meticulously planned,” I grin back. “Now back to our original plan, darling. Drinking and fucking under the stars and then passing out in a motel?”_

 

 

“Yes! Will there be any more of your friends coming over? Is that a conscious thing you do, or are you just attractive to wildlife? Will I need to keep an eye out for coyotes and scorpions?”

 

 

_I shrug helplessly. “I’m not generally anywhere that wildlife can sense me, so... who knows? I guess anything could happen...” I paw through the bag, and pull out a bottle. “More champagne!” I exclaim. “However will we go back to regular life after all *this*...” I pop the bottle with much champagne flying, and you grab it from me grinning, and lick at the foam pouring down the neck of the bottle._

 

 

Hey - that's expensive champagne you're libating there. I grasp the bottle, look you in the eyes, lick it suggestively, pour some in my mouth, swallow. Your eyes have started shining, and you grab the bottle back, moving close to me, licking the other side, and then our mouths meet at the top, you tilt the bottle, champagne pours over our tongues, you take a sip, let it seep into my mouth... _deliciously decadent, darling..._ God, I'm starting to think in your voice...

 

 

_“Mmm, champagne kisses... with my beloved... in the desert...” I lick my lips. “It can’t get much better than this...”_

_I look up at the night sky, a swathe of black velvet over our heads, studded with pinpricks of light._

_“Or can it?” I say slyly. “You stay here, honey... I’ll be back in a moment.”_

_You look intrigued and horny as hell - slowly you settle back on the blanket, drinking from the champagne bottle and gazing at me._

_I give you a heated look, and saunter towards the car._

_Where I dig around in the front seat... and throw on a leather coat and sunglasses..._

_Then I turn on the headlights, which make lovely a lovely pair of spotlights against the rock face of a cliff that our blanket is near..._

_I quickly choose a playlist, crank up the volume, and music pours from the car._

 

_I saunter back towards you, and you look stunned as I pose in front of the wall of rock. Then I begin to dance._

 

I live for the applause, applause, applause

I live for the applause-plause, live for the applause-plause

Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me

The applause, applause, applause

 

_Then I shrug slowly out of one arm of the coat, and look back at you._

 

 

Hoooo - ly -

Oh my god.

We've unleashed full rock star...

... and _what_ a rock star it is.

Spotlights. My leather coat. Sunglasses.

Horrible music - Lady Gaga?

I don't care. You can play this on repeat on max volume for hours if you keep dancing like that - for _me_ \- just for me, a show that would make Vegas audiences drool - it is making _me_ drool - you are such a _diva_ , but rightfully so - you are majestic, elegant, seductive, graceful - your moves are precise, beautiful, just that _little_ bit otherworldly to make me slightly dazed - I know I'm looking at someone who isn't human, but it's still dizzying - slightly off, slightly divorced from the possible, so enchanting -

We are halfway through the track before I realize that I've spilled much of the champagne because I've been holding the bottle at an angle, and my mouth is still hanging open.

 

 

_Halfway through the song, I’ve thrown the coat at you -_

_Danced for you like we were the only two people left at the end of the world -_

_Faced the rock wall with arms raised before I whip off my shirt and throw it back over my shoulder -_

 

Give me that thing that I love

Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch

 

_I turn around bare-chested, and sunglasses still on - raising my face to the night sky, I run my hands down my chest and towards my trousers._

 

 

The audience has recovered from its stupor and is happily whooping and clapping at the performance.

You're beaming at me, when suddenly - you whip round, your face tight -

I reach for my gun - what -

A blur of movement, my hands are held in a vice-like grip, I'm pulled upright -

No fucking way - I punch my elbow into a stomach, kick a knee with my heel, bash my head into a face -

It's like hitting a cast-iron statue - what was it you'd said? Steel enclosed in velvet? My head spins, hurts -

Realization dawns - oh, _fuck_ \- and I see a flurry near where you were, too fast to register what is happening - no - _Jim_ –

 

 

_NoNo*NO*_

_In a fury, I slam my fist into the body that is coming at me. It's deflected, and the vampire stumbles back._

_Strong - but a mercenary, driven by following orders._

_I have my very life to defend - and my love._

_And that makes me more than willing to win by any means necessary._

_Especially when I see you on the losing end of a fight with a bloody *vampire* -_

_With a snarl, I go for his throat and tear it out with my teeth. He looks shocked, and I grab his head with both hands and wrench it off._

_No time for a witty one-liner... I toss the head aside, then set my sights on the one you're grappling with. Feeling the blood dripping down my chin and chest, I speed towards you, and pull the vampire off you with a livid growl._

 

 

 _JIM_ -

I see a body fall to the floor, its head ripped off - _NOT JIM_ -

Then a flash coming towards me - _JIM_ \- a sharp pain in my arm as my assailant is pulled off me -

I turn - you're fighting and it literally is like a cartoon fight, with everything moving too fast to see -

Fuck this - I hate being the damsel in distress - I _never_ have been - my hand is on my gun, but you're moving too fast and I don't want to hit you - and another head goes flying, and again it isn't yours.

And you stand there, staring at me, your hair dishevelled, your fangs out, your face and hands covered with blood, your chest splattered, your eyes glowing red, your face - like I've _never_ seen it - not when you were drinking from prey you captured, which was always a kind of calm, dignified affair. This is - you are _truly_ a wild animal, ferocious, feral, lethal - literally _glowing_ with blood lust -

I've never seen anything more awesome in my life - in the original sense - inspiring awe -

A part of my brain, where primal knowledge is stored, is screaming at me to _flee_ , but I have too much training to listen to primal responses, and the larger part of my brain is _overwhelmed_ by the beauty of the most impressive killer it's ever seen.

My husband.

 

 

_My eyes are fixed on you like prey and the fucking holy grail rolled into one._

_*Want*_

_*Drink*_

_*Have*_

_I stalk towards you, then stop while I force myself to scan the area for life forms that could threaten us. I sense and scent only what feels like a trembling jackrabbit... you're safe, bunny._

_Suddenly, the memory of being called Bunny by you comes crashing back._

_"*Sebastian*-"_

_I rush to you and throw myself against you._

_"Did they hurt you?" I demand and hold you away from me, looking for damage._

 

 

You're walking towards me and for a moment I think you don't recognize me - that you're Mr Hyde and I'm going to be drunk dry before you remember that I'm Mr Jekyll - but then recognition dawns in your eyes and you throw yourself into my arms, then pull away, looking so concerned...

"I'm alright Jim - my arm hurts a bit from when you pulled him off me, but nothing broken or dislocated. Are you alright?"

 

 

_I shake my head, staring up at you._

_"No. I'm definitely not alright. They attacked you... They *fucking attacked you*." My voice is vibrating with fury. "What if we had been more *distracted*? Would we have been abducted? Or would we be *dead*? Jesus..."_

_I pull you towards me again, and hold you tightly. Then I realize I've got blood all over you and I curse._

_"We're leaving now... Stopping at a motel is *not* secure. *Fuck* this plan. We should drive to the nearest airport..." I snap._

_Then I cover my bloody face with my hands and let out a feral scream._

_"When I have ever let somebody else make the rules? And chase me away?? *Fuck*... But Sebbie, now do you see what we're up against? Do you still want to keep going after *that*?"_

 

 

"Calm down, my love. I'm _fine_. So are you. Now - first things first."

You may be the stronger of us, but I've got the battle training.

"Are there any more coming? Are there any others observing us? Use your sensitivity, your night vision."

You look around, concentrating, sniff the air. Normally I'd urge you to take cover, but vampires don't work with projectile weapons, so I just stay close to you as you climb up onto the rock, scan the desert.

 

 

_I huff in frustration, then climb onto the rock nimbly. I do a scan, making sure to include my internal vamp radar._

_Satisfied that there’s no immediate danger, I hop back down, landing with feline grace._

_“No bloodsuckers,” I say, scowling. “But you know there will be more, when those two don’t return... they wanted to play before, but now they’ll have something more to prove...”_

 

 

“Yes... so what was the purpose of these two? Bringing us in? Why did they only send two? Did they not expect you to be as strong as you are?”

I scan the desert as well - I know it makes no sense, I can’t see anything you wouldn’t, but I can’t not.

 

 

_I shake my head furiously. “It’s because- they’re used to be fucking *obeyed*. When a cabal’s representatives show up to issue an ordinance, or drag you back to their keep - they don’t expect that you’ll fight them off. It would be like the police showing up to ask you to come to an interview at the station... they don’t expect you to go ballistic and rip their head off...” I stare at you, and you smile wryly at the image. And suddenly we’re both laughing helplessly in each other’s arms. “Fuck... Sebbie.. this is no laughing matter!” I growl, and we both just laugh harder._

 

 

"Oh - this was a summons was it? Well they didn't ask me anything - just grabbed me," I grin wryly as we got our breath back.

"That's because you're human, you sigh. "You don't count - you're just - my pet. I don't like it either," you wave at the air.

Well – the mood set by your amazing display has certainly been killed.

"How did they find us? Did they track us? If so - there's no use trying to hide, all we can do is keep moving, and that's not ideal - will we be safe if we fly off?"

 

 

_I rub my eyes and sigh again. For someone who doesn’t need to breathe, I’ve really got into the habit of moving air in and out of my lungs - especially during sex. It’s like spending all this time with you makes me feel like I’m human. Strangely, more human than when I was actually alive..._

_“They knew our hotel room number, somehow... maybe they paid the concierge to let them know when we checked out. I have no idea how they’re tracking us - so it seems safest to leave their jurisdiction as quickly as possible. I don’t know if they would have followed us out of Nevada... but they might feel more inclined to now. Since we killed two of their own, and showed them such blatant disrespect. Vampires aren’t exactly the forgiving sort, and they’re big on appearances - like any criminal organization, really. They can’t stand being made to look weak, and they live in terror of other groups finding out and gunning for them.”_

_I groan and press my face into your chest. “Stupid vampires,” I growl. “Well, *I’m* certainly not the forgiving type. And even if we do end up flying home, I will *not* forget this. I feel strangely compelled to add ‘burn the Nevada cabal down to the ground’ to my list of to-do’s.” My eyes flash as I look up at you. “No one touches you and lives, Sebastian. *No one*...”_

 

 

"Technically correct," I grin as I look at your arms around me. You scowl. Hey. I was just nearly kidnapped by a vampire. Surely I'm allowed a lame dead-joke. I snort at my own pun - no, I'm not going to repeat it. I'd like to live...

"Jim - is there any way that we can find out how dangerous it would be for you to turn me?"

You let go of me, looking indignant. "I am _not_ going to turn you! Do you have any idea what that means? You'd _die_ , Sebastian! You might - _might_ \- come back as an undead, but you'd still be _dead_. It's painful, it's horrible, it's the most awful thing that's ever happened to me - I wouldn't do that to you!"

I look you in the eye, try to make you see reason. "Jim - when that guy grabbed me - there was _nothing_ I could do. I kicked, headbutted, elbowed - all I did was hurt myself. It was like fighting a statue. His grip was like a vice; there was no way I could get free - I'm an elite warrior and I was _helpless_. Do you have any idea how _frustrating_ , how _scary_ that is? All my life I've worked my fucking arse off to be the best fighter there is and I was as much use to you as a porcelain doll! I don't want to be in that position when they come for us!"

 

 

_“No, I *can’t* find out how dangerous it would be to turn you! There’s no vampire hotline for top secret information! I had to break into the archives to even find out what I did... Usually it’s something that vampire Masters pass on to their kin, once they’ve served under them for many years, and proven their trustworthiness. Which makes sense - you wouldn’t want any idiots to have this information and run around creating vampires willy-nilly. Too many vampires means too much competition, no way for the cabal to control them, and way bigger likelihood that the secret will be discovered by humans. So it’s not as simple as draining someone and giving them your blood, no matter what Hollywood would like to think. There’s a metaphysical thing you do...” my eyes grow unfocused as I remember reading the faded text with spidery handwriting. “That binds the spirit of the human to that of their Maker - in essence they return to life *through* their Maker. Like being *reborn* through them. And this connection is what keeps them - not alive, but still living. Which is why if you rise against your Maker without knowing what you’re doing, it’s within their power to snuff out your ties to life. Absolute power for Makers - unless you’re clever enough to get your paws on a little secret that tells you how to sever the connection - by directing it to the web of the universe.” I smile smugly._

_“I could go into the physics of it, but it’s not relevant. The point is... I know the gist of making a vampire, but I had to piece it together from various texts - they’re not stupid enough to keep all the information together to be found by snooping fledglings. So I know the basic outline, but I’ve never done it before and what if I get it *wrong*?? What if there was a pertinent piece of information I missed?? You might be willing to live with that risk, but *I’m* not...” I say, feeling haunted. “Look - when we get back home, you can train to fight against vampires with the weapons I’ve been developing. I really should have brought a prototype with me... I just wasn’t expecting to be found so easily,” I growl, glaring in the direction of Vegas._

 

 

Oooh, weapons. I like the sound of that.

But -

“I’m not keen to stay, but I don’t know if flying off is going to ease our troubles - they can fly too. If they tracked us here, will they be able to track us in London? Will they get in touch with the London lot and unite their forces? I think before we run from danger, we need to identify the danger, so we know where it is and how to avoid it.

And I’m sorry I’m so useless here - it’s like one-eye leading the blind...”

 

 

_My head falls back and I stare at the expanse of the sky. The stars shimmer at me from their majestic display, utterly unsympathetic to my conundrum._

_"Fuck... that's the last thing we need, a blood feud following us home. I do *not* want the London cabal involved with this - As far as they're concerned, I'm Lucifer reborn - *il diavolo incarnato*! You'd think they'd *appreciate* that, the poncey wankers... But no... *they* want my head on a non-silver platter. So, fine... we can't go home yet..."_

_My hands curl into fists. "How the fuck are the Nevada vampires tracking us? We have burner phones and a new rental car... we should ditch the laptops and get new ones - but it will be simpler for a courier to deliver to an actual address than a bunch of desert rocks by another bunch of desert rocks. And we're not going to wait out here like sitting ducks... we should figure out our plan on the road."_

_I turn my gaze to you. "And you're *not* useless... I'll thank you to stop talking about my husband in such unflattering terms..." I take your hand and examine it. "You are my *strength*... you are my reason for *living*. And I'd rather face untold danger with you at my side than be safe and in hiding on my own..." I raise your hand to my lips. "We'll face this together, Sebbie... and then we'll have our 4eva..."_

 

 

Oh my Jim...

I melt as you kiss my hand, at the words you say...

 _My_ Jim.

Who I can't protect.

I can't begin to describe to you how _frustrating_ this is - fighting is what I do. It's my career, my calling, it's what I'm best at; and I'm _bloody_ good at it. But the _one person_ that I fall in love with I can't protect because he's under threat from some supernatural beings. Like I was unable to protect the first person I fell in love with because I didn't _recognize_ the threat -

I groan.

 

 

_You seem swept away, but then a shadow crosses your face, and then more are flitting across, and you're groaning in frustration, and - angst?_

_Is this getting to be too much for you??_

_I reach up and take your face in my hands._

_"What's wrong, darling?" I whisper fervently. "You do still want-" I trail off._

_*Don't you??*_

 

 

You’re looking at me in a sudden panic - why? What’s wrong my love?

Do I still want -

“What?!”

 

 

_I gaze at you sorrowfully. Is this too much to expect you to deal with? Attacks by my vampire enemies that could get you violated or killed?_

_“The stakes just got a lot higher... and the risk to you is so great... I wouldn’t blame you if - it was too much...” I say softly, looking down at the ground. “And - I don’t know - if I should even be asking it of you...”_

 

 

What?

What?!

Jim - you don’t mean -

“Jim...You aren’t - you’re not asking if I want to _leave_?! “

You don’t move, keep looking down.

“Jim! What in the things you’ve seen from me so far has given you the impression that I am likely to run when things get dangerous?! I’m frustrated, yes, because I can’t protect you from these fuckers! Because I love you and I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you...”

 

 

_I look up at you, feeling anguished. "Well, I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you, either!! You saw what they were like, and that was just two of them!" I look around uneasily. "Fuck! We need to get out of here, Sebbie..." I grab your hand, and we quickly pack up our things and get into the car._

_In the front seat, you pause and look at me. I sigh._

_"I'm sorry, darling... I just don't want you anywhere *near* these evil snakes, and now they're going to be on the *hunt* for us. It's *dangerous*, and I'm *livid* and I'm *freaked out* and - I don't ever panic like this!! What the fuck!" I stare out the window angrily, and then cover my face with my hands. "Jesus, I need to get my head together..."_

 

 

"You do," I say, perfectly calm - that's one of the things that make me a good soldier, the ability to stay cool and clear-headed when there is danger. It's afterwards that I freak out, when I'm well and truly sure that it's safe to do so.

"I'll drive. You relax, and think, and talk."

I switch the car into gear, get moving.

"First of all - driving is fine, as it gets us away from the immediate threat, but we need to have a plan on where to go sooner rather than later. An airport, and head away? Not to London - anywhere else, lay low for a bit, regroup? Is there a way that you could find out if there are any - rival cabals, that kind of thing, that we could maybe ally with against London? Maybe one of their elders could turn me?"

 

 

_"No one is fucking turning you!" I say through gritted teeth. "Remember the part where they would own you and control you?? Not going to happen, Sebastian - not while there's a drop of blood left in my body! If you're serious about this, then - it's bloody well going to be *me*," I growl._

_Then I still as it registers what I said... I check and realize I actually meant it. "Only - I'd have to do more research so I can be confident about doing it. It's *not* something to do when we're on the run, out of panic. That's how fucking mistakes get made... and I'm not willing to take that chance with your *life*..."_

_Fuck... are we really having this conversation?? I change tack quickly. "So. Where to go. A big city, easy to get lost in the crowd. Barcelona? Paris? I feel like going somewhere beautiful and atmospheric... with nightlife."_

 

 

"Paris sounds like it would have a cabal that's rival to London. And large libraries that you would be able to look up stuff in. And it has _great_ nightlife. Bien - Paris!"

It's good to have a destination in mind. I will head to Los Angeles, we can get a plane from there.

There's a minivan coming up behind us. It's going awfully fast. I make sure it can get past, but it slows down, cuts us off -

Oh _shit_ -

Figures jump out at lightning speed -

 _Fuck_ -

I rev the engine, accelerate - try to hit one - but they're on the roof, on the doors, pulling them open, pulling you out, pulling me out - no - fuck -

 _Jim_ –

 

 

_As you're speaking about Paris, a tremor moves through me and I find myself turning my head slowly to stare into the blackness behind us._

_I close my eyes briefly, and - a wave of fury slams into me. Oh. *Shit*._

_My eyes fly open and I grab your arm._

_And everything that follows seems to happen at double-speed and slow-motion at the same time._

_You're trying to speed away, and use evasive manoeuvres... but of course it's not enough. They barely touch the ground, leaping towards us like a coalition of cheetahs, and pounce onto the car as if it's a toy. A toy with goodies inside, to be pulled out and played with._

 

_*Of course* we don't stand a chance - there's five of them, grinning like this is such a fun little game. Until I manage to decapitate one and throw the dripping, still-smiling head at the one that's holding you. He screams in blind fury, holding the head - giving you the moment that you need to try and attack him. But a human is no match for a vampire, even a savage killer like you, my love - if only I had equipped you with the weapon prototypes, but they were still so unreliable, there didn't seem to be any point. You aim your gun at his face, and his features twist with rage as he knocks it aside at lightning-speed. The gun goes off and shoots one of the ones grappling with me, who gives a high-pitched shriek. Blood sprays against me, and I try desperately to get to you, kicking, punching and biting anyone who gets near me. But three against one are not great odds, when the one holding you could kill you in an instant._

 

_"Such a *hellcat*," spits out one with long blond hair,. "Does your *human* mean so much to you?" He shoots a meaningful look to the dark-haired vampire holding you, and I stop fighting._

_"Don't be absurd," I snarl, pushing hands off me. "But I'm highly unimpressed with how you treat travellers passing through..." I straighten out my clothes as they watch me with sharp eyes._

 

_"Even travellers know there are protocols to be followed..." the blond vampire drawls. "Do you think you're above such things?"_

 

_"Well, I'm a new vampire so - I don't know all the rules," I say, disgruntled. "My apologies for any offences caused..."_

 

_The dark-haired vampire next to him narrows his eyes. "Your Maker didn't explain them to you?"_

 

_"My Maker was killed," I say, my eyes boring into him. "So he never had the chance..."_

 

_"And... your cabal didn't give you a Master to swear fealty to?" the blond demands, sounding outraged. "What sort of madness -? Where are you from! Who was your Maker, and how was he killed!"_

 

_Fuck. Good thing I already have a cover, based on painstaking research of vampire hunting activity, and their victims. I sigh with irritation. "Belfast... my Maker was Declan and he was killed by *hunters*..."_

 

_The vampires snarl in response, and I bare my teeth. "I barely got away myself, and I've been running ever since..."_

 

_"Vile creatures," the blond muttered darkly. "From the Maker's blood flows life eternal..." He touches his fingertips to his heart and his lips, and the other follows suit reverently. "But I don't understand - why did you not return to the cabal?" he says slowly._

 

_I shake my head. "I didn't know I was supposed to," I say sorrowfully. "I saw my Maker killed before my eyes, and I panicked. I just wanted to get as far away as possible..."_

 

_"We have hunters here, too - your cabal could have told you that," the dark-haired vampire snaps. "You are not the only one who's lost someone important..."_

_"Yes!" shouts the vampire holding onto you. "And what is to be done about the deaths of our brothers at *your* hand?" He stares at me murderously as he keeps you still._

 

_The blond turns to me. "What do you have to say for yourself?" he says, eyes flashing._

 

_"Your men *attacked* me, and I responded in defence," I snap, then try to look contrite. "But of course, it's a tragedy, and I'm *dreadfully* sorry. What can I do to make amends?"_

 

_The blond shrugs. "The only thing to do is return with us, so you can explain yourself to the sodality. They'll determine if there is any penance to be undertaken, and any reparations to be made. I suspect they will give you to a Master or Mistress - and if you refuse, they'll contact the Belfast sodality to let them know your whereabouts." The blond smiles at me coldly. "Perhaps you don't know this, but our kind don't approve of vampires running about on their own. There are rules to be followed for the safety of all vampirekind... and you lone wolves are a potential threat to that."_

 

_I keep my face neutral, but inside I'm gripped by panic. My nightmare is unfolding before my eyes - being dragged before a cabal, and unable to protect you. I *can't* allow this to happen. Once you're in those walls..._

_"I understand," I say, sounding deferential. "And of course I'll come with you. But you'll need to leave the human behind... he has a few important tasks to do for me - in honour of my Maker," I add._

 

_They look at each other. The blond raises an eyebrow. "You'll be able to do these things yourself, in good time. The sodality won't have you killed, we need powerful vampires in our ranks - to help us fight the hunters, and rival cabals."_

 

_"Well, I'm no powerful vampire, I'm still quite new-" I protest. A feeling of unease is wriggling through me._

 

_The blond eyes me. "You're a *very* powerful vampire... your Maker gifted you potent blood. *Our* sodality has a way of tracking powerful vampires in our territory..." he boasts. "You'll learn about that soon enough... we'll be leaving shortly. But first - we must nourish ourselves..." He smiles slowly. "I assume you don't mind sharing your feast..."_

 

_"Feast?" I echo, then look at you in horror. He can't mean-_

 

_The dark-haired vampire licks his lips. "Your blood-whore... Do you fuck him, too? You must - he's quite attractive for a human... How's his cock?"_

 

_The blond sighs. "Is this really the time for such games, while the sodality is waiting for us?" Then he looks at you, tilts his head and smiles hungrily._

 

 

I'm held in yet another vice-like grip. None of my struggling is any use. I growl in frustration, but then you and the vampires - other vampires, I should probably say – start talking, and I listen intently - I need to learn as much as I can about the situation, try to find a way out of this -

Good story, Jim, well done -

But - damn - what -

Feast?!

_blood-whore!?_

No - no no no no - no you can't - not - the thought of being bitten by anyone but you is _abhorrent_ \- with you it's such a beautiful intimate act - closer than fucking - the thought of their fangs in my neck - even without thinking of the blood they'll take, it's a violation, a horror - NO -

I struggle violently but it's no use; you look desperate and ready to jump as the two start walking towards me, but the guy holding me pulls me back and holds up a hand: "Hold on guys - you're right, he is quite attractive, and his blood smells divine - I _rather_ think the Elders will want a taste - both of his blood and his cock. I don't think they'll appreciate you sampling the goods..."

The blond one snarls, but stops; the dark-haired one keeps coming closer. "Come on - just a taste... of either cock or neck, I'm not picky... he's covered in bites from his owner anyway..."

You step forward, but the guy holding me growls, "Do you want to explain to Titiana why her new cock is less full of blood than it could be?"

The dark-haired guy stares, scowling, then makes a frustrated gesture. "At least he's big and strong - less chance of them using him up before we get a taste..."

 

I don't like the sound of this, and neither do you. You're looking at me desperately as we are walked to the van but I try to look at you reassuringly - nothing's happened yet. You may be able to talk your way out of all this -

Oh god please...

 

We are both blindfolded as we drive back to town. You ask if that's really necessary, but they say the location of the sodality is secret, and until the Elders have decided what to do with you, it will remain so.

I concentrate - being able to work out directions while blindfolded is one of the things I've been trained for, and once we get into town, it's made much easier by the square layout of the city. I think I could find the way back, if required.

That is, if we ever get out of here...

We are led into a building, down some steps. "You are in luck," the blond guy says, "most of the sodality is gathered to talk to you... of course we _expected_ you to come with Paolo and Ismael, not to have to pick up their heads underway…”

We enter a room that sounds large and full of people. The atmosphere is thick with smoke. I smell what I think is blood – fire – candles, incense –

Talk stops as we enter. You are led away from me, I’m pushed to one side, against a wall, where a metal cuff is fastened around my left ankle, then I’m released. I move my hands to the blindfold; when nothing happens, I pull it off.

The subterranean room is huge. The ceilings are arched – they must be some old vaults. Torches flicker in holders on each pillar. I don’t think these vampires are unfamiliar with electricity – they know how to drive cars, after all – but it looks like they’ve gone out of their way to create a proper olde worlde Gothic atmosphere. I would laugh if the situation wasn’t so dire.

The room has several long tables with uncomfortable-looking but indubitably very expensive antique chairs like in my dad’s house. The tables are lit with candles – red, of _course_ \- and on them are goblets – nothing so simple as a glass in this place – with what _might just be_ wine, and plates with what I _hope_ is diced raw beef.

What I assume must be the vampires vary enormously in age and clothing – some favouring Jacobean outfits, some wearing jeans, some evening dresses, and anything in between.

Humans are dotted around. Most of them appear to be wearing very little. Their low status is abundantly clear - one or two are being drunk, sitting on a vampire’s lap or on a stool next to them; most of the others are either kneeling next to their owner’s chair, or, like me, tied to shackles in the wall. The ones on the walls sport more bite marks than the kneeling ones – I wonder if the latter are what you called thralls, who are with one specific vampire, while the ones on the walls are just – I shudder – communal food.

On a raised platform opposite the wall where I’m chained is the high table, with what must be the Elders. Two women and three men, all dressed in the height of Gothic fashion – abundant collars, corsets for the ladies, layers upon layers for the gentlemen – one of them is even wearing a monocle. Each one of them has _two_ naked or mostly-naked humans kneeling next to them – all of the opposite sex except for the grey-haired extravagantly-moustachioed guy at the end, who has two young men.

As I’m watching, the lady on the other end pulls up one of the boys kneeling next to her, slashes her nail along his wrist, and holds her goblet underneath to catch the blood flowing out. From the looks of him that is a favoured method – is it more ladylike than just latching on, I wonder? I almost laugh hysterically at this – this place is too grotesque for words – but that’s exactly what they’re aiming for; and this is not some Vampire: The Masquerade game, this is _real_ -

The Elder who sits in the middle pushes her chair back and rises. The room falls silent. You are being led forward by two of your capturers.

 


	26. In the End

I've put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

For all this

There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

 

 

_As we travel to and then enter the enclave, and the blindfold is removed, I scan my surroundings *constantly*, and the vampires around me. Assessing weaknesses, motivation, the possibility of someone's head being turned by a bribe, or even just the chance to stick it to the sodality..._

_the problem is, there's so many of them. The ones that brought us in won't turn against their masters, this I know... the Elders, I can already tell I'm going to *despise* them._

_How on earth am I going to convince them to let you go? *Think*, Jim..._

_I'm going to have to suss out where their weapons are... if I can keep you alive and well until dawn, they'll fall asleep - and all I'll need to deal with is any human guards they have. Shouldn't be a problem, especially if I can get my paws on a weapon._

_The problem is there's hours to go until sunrise... a lot can happen. I hope they think you're muscular and beautiful enough to keep around. You're ten times hotter than the other humans here... surely that will carry weight?_

 

_Feeling emboldened, I walk up to the female Elder. When my abductors get down to one knee I stop myself from rolling my eyes, and follow their lead._

 

_She narrows her eyes at me and beckons me forward. "Come closer, my pretty one..."_

 

_I rise gracefully, and walk up to her until she nods. I'm so close I could reach out and touch her - Would her head be more difficult to tear off than the younger vampires'? I ponder._

 

_She takes my face in her hand. "So. You come to us from Belfast... One of Declan's? Never met the man, but of course whenever a Maker is taken by a Hunter, we all grieve the loss..."_

 

_She sounds more outraged than grief-stricken. I try to look properly devastated, and not like I laughed like a madman over my Maker's decimated corpse._

_"Yes, my Lady..." I say, bowing my head._

_She glares imperiously. "I have been filled in by my kindred as to what transpired... the trauma and grief over seeing your Maker die is of course a terrible thing... but we can't excuse such blatant disregard for the rules of vampirekind... and you've made rather a terrible impression on our cabal..." She shakes her head sadly. When I echo her gesture and her expression, she leans towards me, her eyes flashing furiously. "Do you think my brethren would want you among us, when you *destroyed* four of their beautiful brothers in such a savage way? What is the meaning of such behaviour! There are proper ways to conduct ourselves, even in conflict - and we do *not* go about tearing off each other's heads!"_

 

_I think if Sebastian's life had not been hanging in the balance, I would have burst out laughing - how *incensed* she is over *etiquette*, as she lords over her realm of blood-whores and fawning vampires. All of whom now look at me with horror and fascination... like they're lords and ladies furiously fanning themselves at a royal court... as if they were anything but fucking monsters._

 

_"Of course, I've no excuse for my boorish, abhorrent behaviour... other than the trauma and grief, of course." I dab at my eyes. "My lady, I am at your mercy - and of course, I will abide by your ruling as to how I can make amends for this terrible lapse of judgement..." I give her a fleeting mournful look and bow my head._

 

_"Of course you will!" she snaps, then sighs. “In good time. But you must be weary from your journey. May I offer you some refreshment?"_

 

_She waves her hand, and a human steps forward - a naked man with fair hair, and blue eyes. For a moment he reminds me of Fergus, but he has the body of a gym bunny, not a dancer._

_I stare at him, and then look back at her._

 

_"Would you like some privacy?" Titiana asks, bored._

 

_"Yes, thank you. And I request that my thrall joins me..." I reply, sounding even more bored._

 

 

“Is he your thrall?” She stares at me, frowns. “He’s not. You haven’t enthralled him. He’s just a regular human. Don’t you know how to enthral a human?”

She shakes her head. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I like him; I’ll have him for myself a bit later, so you’re not to drink him; and I see no reason for him to join you.

Go and have your refreshment or do not, but don’t stand here hanging around. We have serious matters to discuss.” She waves at you dismissively.

 

 

_While Titiana's eyes are on you, I suppress my tar-black hatred of her, lest it be registered by anyone in the room. By the time she glances at me again, I lower my head in thanks, and back away from her. The naked human follows me, and I feel your eyes on us both. I flash you a meaningful look, trying to beam 'I love you and we will survive this' and 'I'm taking this bitch down' and 'of course I'm not going to sleep with him!' at you. There's an instant of wry amusement in your eyes, which makes me want to run across the room to you, and throw myself into your arms. But I have to be the most dangerous serpent in this nest of vipers, and for that I need control of my emotions - as I move away from you, I let the metal wall slide down. *Shoom*._

_Coldness..._

_Darkness..._

_just like I used to feel._

_The grinning blonde vampire from the desert ushers me across the court room, down a dark hallway, and into a private bedroom - which I imagine might have secret cameras fixed on us. So with my cold mask firmly in place, I sink my teeth into the man’s neck and fondle his arse and cock as I do - in case they're not convinced I feel nothing for you. After drinking my fill from him, he goes to lie down on the bed - are they giving them drugs to be able to perform after blood loss? I give him a look of utter boredom, and tell him to stay there until I'm ready for him. Then I slip quietly from the room._

_Strangely, there's no one stationed at the door... I guess they figure, what can one vampire do against so many... and I'm nowhere near an exit. But they clearly didn't expect me to find my way onto another floor, with several locked rooms. They must have thought the keypads would deter most snooping vampires... but of course my pretties reveal their secrets to me so willingly... and when the doors swish open, I am delighted to discover an armoury, where I slip two silver daggers into my pocket, carefully covering them with my sleeve so I don't burn myself. I then shove two more into my shoes - everything else is too big to carry, but at least I know where the room is located. I ignore the stinging sensation I feel through my socks and trousers. Discomfort is nothing... pain is nothing... it's all just part of the spectrum of existence..._

_I move on to the next locked room and I'm shocked to discover a library. The London archives were far better hidden, but perhaps the Nevada vamps have fewer secrets to store... I quickly scan any pages I can find to see if there’s anything related to the history of this cabal's elders, and of course, the turning of humans into vampires..._

_But then I have to hurry back before my absence is discovered. The human is sleeping peacefully on the bed. I leave him there, and return to the large room where the blond vampire is waiting and watching something with rapt attention._

_"Oh... took you long enough..." he says, then grins. "Did you enjoy Frederick? And here I thought you were obsessed with *your* human..."_

_There's a sneer on his face, and I curl my lip in disgust. "*Humans*... some are prettier than others, but... they're here just for our pleasure, after all..."_

 

 

You leave the room with another guy, making faces at me to reassure me, and I look back with a glance that I hope says 'Don't worry darling, I've been in worse company than a bunch of overwrought goths', but looking at things realistically, I really really haven't. I have never been in a situation where I have been one of the weakest people in the room since I was an infant.

As I look back, two people (human) come up to me and start stripping me and going through my clothes. Alas, no weapons any more - the guys took my gun and knives off me - and no silver. If we ever get out of here I'll start carrying a stylish necklace and bracelets of silver wire - a quick garrotte... maybe with a steel core for strength...

A vampire comes over, takes off the cuff around my ankle, and my trousers and pants. I'm completely naked, and more than one eye is upon me, checking out the new goods. Several vampires are licking their lips, their fangs showing.

The vampire who took off my cuff grabs me, leads me to the platform, where Titiana looks me up and down, then nods. The vampire walks me out of the room, into a hallway - are you behind one of these doors? - opens the first door on the left, leads me inside. It's an opulent bedroom, decorated by the person who was refused the job of Bram Stoker's Dracula set designer for being too baroque. Every single inch of every surface is decorated - it hurts the brain.

He holds me there until Titiana enters. She nods at him and he leaves. I don't even consider making a run - I don't stand a chance. Best stay calm, assess the situation, try to win an ally.

She sits down on the bed, pats the mattress next to her. I'd really rather not, but I don't have much choice - I sit down as far away from her as is not terribly impolite.

"Don't be shy," she smiles. "I'm not going to hurt you - if you behave, of course..."

I smile back, trying to look calmer than I feel. "How can I help you? Do you want to talk about my -" what do I call you?! "- master?"

"No, my beauty, I'd like a closer look at you... come over here," she beckons.

Oh god - what do I do? If I struggle I might get you in trouble, or she might kill me - there's no way I can fight her - what can I say!?

"What - just what do you want?"

Not the best words, probably – though very much what's on my mind at this time.

She smiles, her fangs showing. "Your blood, darling. It smells delicious. Don't worry, I'll just take a little. You'll be returned to your master as good as new. And I think I will also want a taste of that cock – it does look like a prime specimen, and you look like you know how to show a lady a good time.”

“No –“ I shrink back, desperately trying to think of something clever to say – Jim – where are you Jim –

“I’m sorry, my lady, you are beautiful, but I am –“ married? Will that get you in trouble, marrying a human? What if I say I’m married to someone else? But then why am I with you? “- gay – I don’t have sex with women, I can’t –“ I nod at my cock, who is helpfully trying to hide by making himself as small as possible.

“Don’t worry, we can take care of that,” she smiles, and all friendliness and flirtatiousness have disappeared from her face - she’s just fangs and glistening inhuman eyes now. “You and your master have gravely transgressed the laws, but it’s not too late for you to learn what it means to be a vampire and thrall. If you behave, I’ll give you back and teach him how to properly enthral you. If you don’t – I’ll just take all that delicious blood and you don’t need to worry about him any more!” she smiles. “It’s up to you.”

Her hand is on my arm, pulling me towards her. I want to fight her, everything in my body is screaming at me to fight her, she looks like a normal woman who I could knock out in a second, but her hand on my arm belies that – she pulls me towards her with no more effort than if she were picking up a kitten – no, even less than that, because at least a kitten has sharp nails that could damage…

Her hand in my hair, pulling my head back, the other on my shoulder, and I can’t run, I can’t struggle –

memories of capture by the Taliban come flooding in, lessons from my Resistance to Interrogation – just stay calm, if there’s nothing you can do to escape, let things happen, try not to anger your captors, don’t give them any information, but try to let them think you are willing and collaborative –

\- but she’s not after information, she’s after my body –

 _so_ , it’s like torture – they can only hurt your body, not your mind, just let it happen, stay inside your head, keep looking out for new information, ways to escape – you will get through this –

her fangs pierce my neck. _Fuck_. It feels so wrong – as perfect as your sharp kiss feels, so wrong is hers. It’s – still erotic somehow, but in a bad way – like having your cock stroked by someone you loathe.

 

 

_The blond vampire is back to staring into the room and grinning._

_"What's going on?" I say uneasily. He gestures at me to look, and suddenly I realize I left you *alone* for quite a while, and are they *doing* something to you??_

_The metal wall over my emotions flies back up, and I struggle to pull it back down._

_All I can see is what looks to be an enthralled human woman in chains... being bitten and fucked by a muscular vampire with a shaved head. She *seems* to be enjoying it, in a mesmerized thrall kind of way. Vampires are enjoying the show, drinking from goblets or straight from their humans, and applauding._

_This doesn't concern me - the London vampires were the same. And I didn't trouble myself with the welfare of humans even before I was turned._

_What *bothers* me is that I don't see *Sebastian*..._

_"Where's - Titiana?" I ask, pretending to be watching the performance._

 

_"That's *Lady* Titiana to you..." the blond snaps, not looking at me. "And her whereabouts are none of your business."_

 

_Then he turns and from the corner of my eye I can see him smirking. "Neither are your human's..."_

 

_"Oh, he's still my human?" I ask, desperately trying to maintain control._

 

_"I'm sure he'll be returned to you in excellent condition," the blond says snidely. "Titiana is an *elder*... not a savage. Unlike *some* fledglings here..."_

 

_"What's your name, darling?" I ask in a silky voice._

_"Uriel," he says loftily._

 

_Of course it is... "Uriel... if you can do anything about having the human returned to me... I'm sure he can be easily convinced to give you a taste of that magnificent cock you were so enamoured with..." I say raising an eyebrow._

_Jesus fucking Christ... I'm so sorry, Seb. I'm not trying to pimp you out, I just need to make sure you get back to me before dawn... and I'm so afraid of what might happen to you behind closed doors..._

 

_Uriel eyes me greedily. "I don't control the moon and the stars, dearest. *Lady Titiana* does. But I'll see what I can do..." he says graciously._

 

_There's a lustful look on his face, and I have to steel myself to not stab him in the eyes with my silver daggers._

_Wait for your moment, Jimmy... just a few more hours to go..._

 

 

She sucks and it feels so wrong - it thrills through my body like it does when you do it, but the thrills are venomous, like she's a serpent and I can feel the poison entering my bloodstream... It feels so wrong, so wrong, but I -

breathe -

Keep breathing soldier. It's going to be over. It will end. And then you can look into getting out of here. Jim will tell them some story, she will teach him how to enthral me, we will get out of here -

Jim... fuck Jim, I asked you not to drink Fergus because it felt too intimate, now here I am, being drunk... and she's fondling my cock, and it's responding, though I don’t want it to - fuck -

No regret, Jim. I didn't regret getting into the army when I was being tortured, and I don't regret marrying you now - never - I love you Jim, I'll come back to you my love - please keep calm -

I realize you must know what is happening. You told me about it. You must realize it when you come back and I'm not there - or if I _am_ there but with new bite marks that aren't yours - I pray to god that you'll be able to stay calm - god knows what will happen if you attack their supreme Elder - though I'd love to see you tear her head off...

She pulls back - is it over?

"Your blood is delicious, just like it smelled..." she smiles, looking happy now.

"Now let's see what that lovely cock can do..."

I shrink away. She looks into my eyes. I feel her - entering my eyes - what - how does she do that -

it's even more invasive than her fangs in my neck. It's like - having live worms enter my brain, rearranging synapses - I am being pushed aside -

She stands up, unlaces her skirts, lets them fall to the floor. No underpants. Her corset stays on - it does look like a rather labour-intensive device to take off and put back on. She has the body of a woman in her late thirties - I might have found her attractive at some point. Before I met you. And if she wasn't - well - a bloodsucking fiend who threatened to kill me if I didn't collaborate.

She moves back onto the bed, lies down -

and I feel my body moving up, leaning over her -

no - what -

The worms have taken over the controls, and my consciousness is helplessly banging on the door to the cockpit, which is firmly locked. My muscles are moving without my say-so - I'm a passenger in my own body - I know that that is kind of what I suggested to myself to cope with torture but this is - _no_ -

She's still looking into my eyes, her legs part, and I feel my cock sliding inside her -

_NO_

My consciousness is screaming, but my body is moving like it's being directed by a sophisticated puppeteer, leaning low on my arms, thrusting at an awkward angle – awkward for me, but I assume it’s doing something for her, because she is wrapping her legs around me, moving her hips, occasionally closing her eyes like a cat that is eating something delicious, but it doesn’t decrease her hold on my body.

My cock is rock hard, pounding inside her for all the world like I’m having a whale of a time. I’m not – my body is being used in the most invasive way imaginable – I have never been raped, but I guess this is the closest thing – except I’m not being physically penetrated – but mentally – is there a term for that? I thought earlier that no matter what she did to my body, at least she couldn’t touch my mind – and she did –

\- oh god, what else can she make me do?! Will she only control my muscles or will she – enthral me, whatever that is? Will I be sitting on my knees next to her throne, ready to be drunk or fucked whenever she wants to, utterly happy to do so?

 _No_ \- no no no, she said she’d give me back to you – let _you_ enthral me, even though you said you didn’t want to – I don’t care, I _already_ want to be yours, only yours, forever yours – Jim – Jim please, get us out of here…

She squeezes my cock to within an inch of its life, it _hurts_ like hell, and I can’t even _wince_ -

but then she releases, relaxes.

My body stops moving and pulls out of her, moves off her.

The worms retreat, making me dizzy – I collapse onto the bed like a discarded doll, my muscles all slack. I lie there reeling as she gets up off the bed.

My cock is confused – he’s been stimulated intensely, then hurt, then cast aside, while all the while my consciousness was disgusted but didn’t have a say in what was happening to him. He’s not sure if he wants to come or hide or both; but, with _me_ taking control of my body again, and the revulsion at what happened flowing through me like sludge, he hides in abject terror.

My rapist moves to an adjacent room – a bathroom, I guess, I hear water running. After a minute she is back in the bedroom, picks up her skirts, puts them on, steps into her shoes, and opens the door. The vampire from earlier is standing there.

“Get him to wash himself, then bring him back,” she orders, walks off.

 

 

_I watch as the vampire finishes his fucking and blood-drinking spectacle. Uriel laughs throatily, and claps with the rest of them._

_Then a female vampire selects a male human, and drags him onto the stage. He’s wearing leather trousers, which are promptly pulled off by other vampires. The human looks like he’s fuming, and trying to cover it - but obviously there’s nothing he can do but try to not get killed for entertainment._

_“Doesn’t look like a thrall,” I remark._

_Uriel leans against the wall. “Hmm? He’s not. He’ll be *lucky* to become a thrall, if someone takes a liking to him... otherwise, anyone can drink him or fuck him. And if he’s not a good little human, well - he’s liable to get drained, isn’t he?” He licks his lips._

_I suppress a wince, and watch as the vampire latches onto his neck and fondles him, and the human desperately tries not to panic._

_“Is he going to get fucked, too?” A prickle of discomfort moves through me._

_“I hope so,” Uriel grins lasciviously._

_“How’s that going to work? He’s not getting hard... maybe he has performance anxiety...” I say wryly._

_“He’ll get over it. If he gets a shot of vampire blood, he’ll get hard... and if he wants to live, he’ll do what he’s told. Or, she could just mesmerize him... easy as 1 - 2 - fuck.” Uriel laughs snidely, and I imagine his head being thrown across the room and bouncing across the stage._

_Then I’m momentarily distracted by Titiana returning to the room and settling into her throne like a queen. She looks very pleased, and watches as the vampire wanks the human. He’s still not getting hard, and Titiana’s good mood is temporarily forgotten._

_“Either get it done or we drink him dry... don’t waste my time,” she snaps._

_The vampire whispers to the human, and he looks freaked out. Then she slashes her wrist and holds it against his mouth. He drinks, and a dazed look comes over him. Soon, his cock is hard and he’s being fucked, to much applause._

_My eyes return to Titiana, who drinks from a goblet imperiously._

_“Where... is my human?” I hear myself asking Uriel. My emotions are starting to knock against the metal door - I’m not sure how long I can hold them back._

_He looks at me disdainfully. “I have no idea. She said he’d be returned, he’ll be returned.”_

_I stare hard at Titiana, and her head slowly turns towards me. She smiles, looking smug. Why does she look so *pleased*? Where the *fuck* is Sebastian??_

_I take a step forward, and Uriel grips my arm - hard. “What do you think you’re doing? Are you insane?”_

_“You have no idea...” I say softly._

_Titiana points at another entrance, and I see Sebastian appear with an escort. He’s naked, bleeding from the neck, and looking dazed and - angry?_

_What. The *fuck*._

 

 

I enter the bathroom, which fortunately is modern - I get into the shower and set it to scalding hot, scrub scrub scrub with my hands, because I don't want to touch her sponge or her soap - _smell_ of her - scrub my cock, my poor cock, get every skin cell off that's been in contact with her -

The vampire guy walks in. "That's enough - you're clean now. Dry off and come with me."

I look up at him. No - no you don't understand, I need to wash so much more - she touched my hair - my arm -

"Enough, I said," he says, reaches into the shower, switches it off, grabs a towel, throws it at me, grabs one for himself and dries off his arm. I use the towel to scrub myself as well as I can, until he snatches it away impatiently and grabs me, drags me back into the main room.

I look around the room desperately - there you are. You're with the blond vampire who picked us up and you look _furious_.

No Jim - stay calm, please -

I gather myself, try to look - collected, unhurt - _fine_ -

\- bad enough that I'm the weakling here, I can't endanger you as well -

\- keep it together soldier. The enemy has hurt you but not killed you - and now it's up to you to make sure that they won't.

I manage a wry smile, a minute shrug.

 

Please Jim, get us out of here...

 

 

_I move slowly towards you, scanning you. Staring hard at your face._

_You’re trying to act like everything’s fine, you’ll be fine..._

_Well, it’s *not* fine._

_I should *never* have left the room..._

_I thought I should keep my strength up in case we had to fight our way out of here... and it got me weapons, and knowledge - of secrets, the location of the armoury, the layout of the building._

_And it got you... fed upon..._

_and *violated*..._

_That’s what happened, isn’t it..._

_As though in slow motion, I turn my head towards Titiana._

_And she licks her lips at you before covering her lascivious smile with her goblet._

_I actually hear a pounding sound, like during a film when the hero is pushed past his limit -_

_Only I’m no hero._

 

_“Why pray tell are you looking so angry, my dear?” she asks me sharply, and the room goes silent. “Your human hasn’t been harmed. In fact, he was given a beautiful gift! Don’t you know what an honour it is to be fed upon... *touched* by an Elder? But then, your education was so sorely neglected, my foolish little fledgling. I’ve decided *I’ll* be the one to bring you to heel. You will undergo the ritual to make your obeisance *mine*. As your Mistress, I’ll take you under my wing and teach you our ways. And as long as you do well, you can still play with your human. Please me, and we can enjoy him together. Displease me, and he’ll be mine to enjoy alone.” She turns away and drains her cup. “But I’ll let you watch...” she says, oozing smugness. “And maybe *you’ll* learn how to treat a lady. He enjoyed my pussy *very much*... and he knew exactly what do to with his cock to make me happy.”_

_A rumble of approval sweeps through the assembly, and vampires cheer lewdly._

 

_“You’re looking *defiant* and I won’t have it...” she says sulkily. “Shall we do the ritual right now to bind you to me? Or will you behave in a manner befitting one of my kin?”_

_Coldness sweeps through me, stifling my rage. I know how to break the bond, but it takes time and an enormous amount of energy and focus. And Titiana seems more powerful than my Maker... what if it doesn’t work?? What if... she *takes* you again and I’m helpless to stop her? *Watching*, as she does what the female vampire did on stage to that furious, desperate human..._

 

_“So about this ‘beautiful gift’ you bestowed...” I hear myself say, my voice silky. But underneath, I’m vibrating with fury. “It’s funny that *I* never had to mesmerize him, or *any* humans I fucked. So was it really an *honour* to be forced to touch you and your Machiavellian pussy? Or is that the only way you can get men hard when they’re near it?” I say, looking disdainfully at her. A collective gasp fills the room._

 

_Titiana is staring at me in disbelief, too shocked to be angry - yet. “*What* did you say to me?”_

 

_“Oh. I’m saying that he didn’t find you attractive. And that you had to use magic to get him to touch you. I thought that was clear,” I make a face as if to say ‘Jesus, get a fucking clue’, and scan the room._

 

_You’re giving me a ‘what the fuck are you doing’ look. I’m sorry, Seb - if she binds me to her, I may not be able to get you out of here before something terrible happens to you. But I suspect she’ll be too angry to do the ritual now..._

_I turn and look back at her with narrowed eyes. I’m holding on to the metal door with every bit of strength I have, to keep myself from flying across the room and attacking her. But the feelings are pounding at the door now. And they have to go somewhere... so I really can’t help what comes out next -_

 

_”When you were human... some man rejected you. And when you found a way for no man to ever reject you again... It’s understandable that you’d want to use your power this way. It’s only natural,” I say soothingly. “But I’m a bit concerned... when you forge the bond between us, will that affect *my* skills of seduction? I won’t have to use these little parlour tricks to get men, will I?”_

 

_The vampires seem less horrified now, and more amused. They’re trying to hide it, but there’s practically an *ohhhh* going through the room._

 

_Titiana and I lock eyes. One way or another this bitch will be dead at my hands. But I can’t just attack her, if I want us to make it out for here. Just a few more hours, Seb... my beautiful Seb._

_The metal door stays down._

 

 

Jim -

Fuck, Jim, _don't_ \- she's going to kill you and enslave me, or vice versa - please Jim -

You look at me, I try to signal to you to _stop_ , but you look back at her, _deduce_ her - oh god Jim -

She's looking daggers. I look around the room - no one's paying attention to me, but the guard is still holding my arm. If I would be able to escape, is there anything I could do? Anything I could use as a weapon? Unless anything here is made of silver, nothing - please, Jim, don't antagonize her further -

I try to think at you as hard as I can.

 

 

_She stands, and a hush falls over the room._

_"My brethren... this is what comes of not following our laws..." she says lightly, but I see her nails dig into her palms. "A fledgling speaks to your Elders like a *common hooligan*... and *why*? Because I, an *Elder*, took a lowly human to my bed. The highest honour a human can attain... and what is this bizarre fixation you have with him?" she snaps. "Why would you not enthral him if you wanted him to yourself?"_

_She claps her hands together, and sits back down. "Bring the fledgling to me, and we'll get to the bottom of this *now*..."_

_Three large vampires grab me, and drag me up to her throne._

_Oh, shit... well, at least she's not talking about doing the ritual anymore, but - what's she going to do? I glance at you, despite myself. Your eyes are like saucers, and you look like you're about to break from your captors. *No*, I try to signal to you with a quick shake of my head._

_She nods at the space in front of her, and the vampires push me to the floor and hold me in place._

_"Look at me, my dear..."_

_I unleash a glare at her, and she smiles as she holds her hands over my temples. "Yesss... now we'll ssssee..."_

_I struggle, but I can't escape her eyes - I can't -_

_and soon I feel she's slid into my mind and is pulling out memories, observing them like moving x-rays._

_"You... married the human..." she says, in shock. "You *married* him... how... did this happen?" She pulls out memory after memory of our time together, and I grind my teeth in frustration._

_"How... *sweet*..." she says disdainfully. "And were you telling the truth about what happened after Declan was killed?"_

_I try to resist, but she digs deeper, making me cry out._

_She grows silent, and pulls out memories of me hiding in London... killing my Maker... stealing secrets from the London cabal... and as far back as my time as a human and criminal mastermind..._

_She pulls her hands from me abruptly, and I fall to the floor gasping._

_When I look up, her eyes are glinting dangerously._

_"You killed him," she whispers. The guards hear her and murmur._

_"You lied - you killed your Maker..." she says more loudly. "But what should I expect from someone who was a psychopathic killer as a human?"_

_The room is aghast. The greatest crime in the vampire realm... and I've been called out. My shoulders sag. Then I look up at her contritely._

_"If you care to look closely - we are *all* psychopathic killers, my lady... but of course I wish I could take it back..." I say in a whisper. "Now... I submit myself to your ruling. Punish me as you see fit..."_

_How soon is it until I dawn, I think desperately. A couple of hours away now? Surely she'll want to stretch out my punishment, make a spectacle out of it... Two hours is not nearly enough fun..._

 

 

I see you being pulled forward - what's she going to do to you?! You shake your head at me - don't interfere - I won't, I _can't_ , but what's she doing -

She's putting your hands on you and you're looking at her - is she doing to you what she did to me? No - she's - reading your mind -

Oh _shit_ \- NO - is there no end to what this witch can do? She'll see - oh _god_ \- I hear you cry out in pain as she roots around in your memories - is there anything you can do, Jim? Block her?

But - no - she finds the memories of what happened to your Maker. Oh god - what's she going to do!?

The room is staring at you with a mixture of fascination, fury, and disgust. You respond meekly, throwing yourself at her mercy. Wise move, Jim -

She looks at you with blatant aversion.

"You have committed the worst crime known to vampirekind," she states, in an officious tone. "The crime for which the penalty is a slow and torturous death..."

 _NO_ -

"But that penalty is not ours to implement. You shall be returned to the London cabal, so your Maker's Kin can have their revenge. Uriel, Giacomo, Leo, you will escort him to London - tomorrow night. It's too late to get underway now."

Oh no - Jim -

Will they let me go with you? Will there be _anything_ I could do??!

The moustachioed man at the right end of the table rises, bows to Titiana, speaks.

"My dear Sister," he says, "of course killing one's Maker is the worst crime one could commit, and I agree the fledgling needs punishment. However, the London cabal has been a thorn in our side for a long time now, and the loss of one of their lot can't be considered wholly unfortunate.

Might it not be better for our cabal as a whole to utilize the knowledge this young man has gained during his stay there, as well as his significant strength? It would seem a shame to waste such a powerful resource... He might be able to gain us access to the archives that the London coven has been so jealously guarding all these decades."

I look at Titiana in wild hope. Yes - send us on a suicide mission. They're my _speciality_. We'll get you archives. No problem.

She shakes her head, looking solemn.

"You have always had a rebellious nature, my Brother," she says. "While I can see that you have the well-being of the cabal in your heart, the Laws are clear on the punishment for an auctoricide. We can't disregard the Laws when it suits us for personal gain - a solid Legal system is what keeps us strong and safe. The fledgling goes to London tomorrow."

She looks at you, her eyes gleaming with scorn.

“But before he goes – we have our own grievances against him,” she states. “He killed four of our brethren who did nothing more than try to bring him here. And he * _married*_ and pledged himself to a * _human*_ \- while that may not be technically a crime, I think we all agree that it’s a disgraceful and shameful act.”

There are some hisses and scoffs from the audience.

“Uriel, Leo, take him to the dungeon,” she gestures to an alcove in the wall that is locked with a cast-iron door – surely that should be no barrier for a vampire? Inside are cuffs and chains, and they handle them with extravagant care – oh shit – silver? It must be silver – or something else that you couldn’t break – and they cuff you to the wall. The cuffs look solid quite apart from whatever is inside them – I have no problem with silver but I wouldn’t be able to break them either.

Then she turns to me. I really wish she hadn’t – I don’t do fear. I really don’t. Ever. But goosebumps travel up and down my spine and sweat breaks out all over my body.

“And your human is not some innocent victim that fell into your hands,” she purrs. “He helped you kill one of ours with his gun, and he was keen to become a rogue vampire to help you wreak havoc on any legitimate vampires you met.

Unfortunately you showed me just how much you care for him… you _love_ him,” she says with audible revulsion.

“I’ve had my taste of him… he is really quite scrumptious, I must admit,” she smiles, nods at the other Elders. “Do have a sip or two, then give him to the lower tables. The fledgling won’t have need for him any more.”

 

 

_I listen to the words around me - Titiana’s declaration, the other Elder’s suggestion... it doesn’t matter, we’ll have escaped by then. Just two hours to go, Seb..._

_But then -_

_Then -_

_I’m placed in a cage and silver chains, and *fuck*, how am I going to get out of here? You’re used to impossible situations - you can escape and get me out of here. And then, we’ll leave and never come back, and we’ll be so in love, and they won’t be able to touch us. Because I’m going to set things up so that if anyone ever hurts us, then all vampire secrets I’ve collected will be leaked to the world. And I’m going to let all the cabals know this, and we’ll be untouchable. So we just need to get through this next little bit, my sweet Sebastian..._

_But then -_

_Then -_

_She *gives* you to them._

_But - you’re mine -_

_And no one can touch us -_

_How is this happening -_

_How -_

_Seb -_

_No -_

_I throw myself against the bars of the cage, and sink to my knees._

_“Lady Titiana...” I say loudly. “You’ve made your point. I was foolish to insult you. Send me to London. I deserve what I get. But don’t - hurt - him -“_

_For a moment I think I’m going to break down and plead - but what I hear in my voice is a warning. Monsters like her don’t respond to begging for mercy. They respond only to real threats._

_“Because if you or *any* of your brethren hurt him... know that it will be the *annihilation* of this cabal.” I say, my voice ringing across the room. Vampires look at each other in concern. I’m sure they’re wondering how I can possibly carry through with this threat. But no one threatens like I do... *no one*..._

_“You think to threaten me while you’re in a cage?” she laughs. But she’s rattled - one monster knows when another monster speaks the truth... and when they tell the future..._

_I grip the cage and stand up. Then I slash my arm with my nail, hold it outside of the bars, and let the blood drip down onto the floor underneath the cage._

_“Not at all. I’m swearing an *oath*. By my very blood. Let him live, or I will *end* you, Titiana.”_

_My eyes scan the crowd, flashing with malevolence. Hear my words... you will all die screaming..._

 

 

I see you plead for me - but it sounds as little as pleading as any plea could be. You are still you - and I've never seen you more magnificent than now. You are in chains, in a cell, sentenced to death, and you are _defying_ your judge and her entire cabal - stating with a certainty that brooks no argument that you will kill them if they touch me.

And for a fraction of a second, I am sure, absolutely sure, that you have convinced them. Your voice is steel, your eyes piercing the room, penetrating into the hearts of everyone listening, so they _know_ , know that this is not a threat, it's a certainty.

A silence - for a moment -

And then the sound of laughter. Laughter without mirth, from a throat that has been dead longer than it can remember.

"I'd love to see you try, little fledgling," Titiana says, "but you belong to the London cabal, and it will be up to them to deal with you - I can't end you myself, no matter how much I may want to... _sick thing_."

You look at her, and any mortal would have withered under your stare. She just gestures, however, and I feel a pressure in my back - I am brought forward by my guard. I know there's no use in struggling, but the situation is getting rather dire - I have to get out, have to find a way to escape - but the woman on the left of the Elders’ table has her hands on me, and pulls me towards her -

I let myself drop, hoping I will fall out of her grip - but she just lifts me up like I weigh nothing, grabs my hair, and her fangs are in my neck - _NO_ \- not again -

the painful poison spreads through my body, it feels so _wrong_ , so intrusive, and she drinks quickly, not gently like you do, or even Titiana did earlier - I feel my blood rushing out of me -

It takes a second, it takes a year; and then she passes me to the guy next to her, whose fangs pierce my wrist - _pain_ \- _wrongness_ \- and more blood rushes out, and I can feel how the blood is seeping out _too fast_ , like with a bad wound, and I need to stem it, quickly, but then I am passed past Titiana to the next guy, who takes my other wrist and I scream, in rage, terror, frustration -

he simply bashes me round the head to shut me up, and I feel tears springing to my eyes, but I won't, I won't cry in front of these monsters -

the final Elder takes a bit of neck that hasn't been used yet, and seems to drink slower, take less, but I am getting dizzy - must keep my wits - must try to escape –

And then the blond vampire - Uriel? - is on me, and drags me down to one of the tables. I am unable to anticipate his movements, am bashed painfully into the sharp corner of the wood, and then I’m laid down, eager faces come close, and I feel fangs pierce my neck, my arms, my legs, my cock – blood is rushing out from many places now, and I really need medical attention quick – or I’ll die –

die –

Oh god I’m dying –

I’ve thought I was about to die really only once before – when I’d been shot and the guy came over to finish it off with a headshot – but before he could pull the trigger he got shot in the head himself by Stiles –

I’ve been wounded before, but never as badly as I am now – never when I really felt the life flying out of me all over –

My consciousness is fighting to stay above water, but it keeps being submerged into blackness – I _must_ -

 _Fight_ , soldier –

never give up –

 _Jim_ -

I can’t see – there’s only blackness, and I’m feeling less and less –

I know what that means, Jim –

I’ll be gone soon –

I am so sorry.

I love you.


	27. Love of My Life

_Love of my life, you've hurt me_

_You've broken my heart_

_And now you leave me_

 

 

_It was a last-ditch effort._

_I failed._

_I’m not used to failing..._

_Although come to think of it, the defining moments in my life were all failures..._

_Failing to think of a solution to keep my brother safe, my mother alive..._

_Failing to keep myself safe from violence and violation while living on the street, and sex work while on the run..._

_(True, I shut it all out at the time. Distanced myself from my body... But deep down, it was all there, wasn’t it...)_

_Then there was the failure of surviving the vampire attack. I didn’t succeed in staying alive... but that was fine because in the end I met you._

_And fell in love._

_And got married._

_And fell deeper in love than I could possibly imagine..._

_And then - I failed at keeping you safe._

_From sexual violation._

_From vampire attack._

_From... the same things that pulled me into the darkness._

_And in the darkness now, I feel the sensation of a star falling..._

_Falling..._

_and then winking out..._

 

_In the darkness, I hear myself making high-pitched animal sounds..._

_In the darkness, I feel myself scrabbling against the floor where I fell, holding onto the bars, trying to see your face..._

_In the darkness, I see vampire after vampire biting you..._

_Your beautiful neck that I buried my face in..._

_Your strong arms that held me..._

_Your majestic cock that gave me endless pleasure..._

_You have ceased your struggling and panicking -_

_Your face, full of love and sorrow..._

_Your eyes staring off and then..._

_closing..._

_I whimper *Sebastian* and *no*... *NO*... and fall to the floor, sobbing._

 

_***_

 

_A thought pierces through the haze. *Catatonic state*._

_I have been in a dark, faraway place for eternity._

_The pain can’t touch me here - what pain?_

_I don’t want to remember._

_I *can’t*._

_The darkness is where I’ll stay, safe in the haze._

 

_You can’t stay here, Jimmy..._

 

_I hear my own voice speaking to me, see my own face. I look up at my other self - he’s wearing an immaculate grey suit. His face is cold. He’s who I was as a human. The psychopath. The criminal mastermind. I haven’t been him for a very long time. And I don’t want to be..._

 

_“Oh, look at *you*!” he says, sounding sarcastic and theatrical. “Too good to listen to the one that got you as far as you did? Without *me*, do you know what you’d be?”_

 

_*Sane?* I think faintly._

 

_“Dead,” he snaps. “Or still locked away in that cosy little insane asylum with a view.”_

 

_I AM dead, I think resentfully. Couldn’t save me from that vampire, could you?_

 

_“You’ve got me there,” he says cheerfully. “But I have to say... as far as death goes, it’s such *fun*! Strength, immortality, and all the blood you can drink! Yes, *please*!” He grins at me. “Only - I don’t get to experience much of it lately. What with you locking me away in a closet, since falling in *love*...”_

 

_Love? Nono, don’t think about it - don’t think –_

 

_“Oh, looooove, so dreamy, so sexy, so - *weak*!” he shouts at me. “Didn’t use your brain and look where it got you -“ he looks around, laughing. “As far as failures go, this is truly epic. You’re locked in a cage, chained with silver, and you’re being delivered to your mortal enemies, wrapped in a bow! Oh, and you’ve lost your reason for shoving me aside in the first place... good job,” he crows._

 

_I’m not listening..._

 

_His face shoves into mine, features twisted with fury. “You *will* listen, you little shit! Because if *you* get tortured for days and torn to pieces, *so do I*...” he glares at me for a long moment then stands._

_“And I am far too beautiful and majestic for that,” he says loftily. “To *waste* this face, this body, this *power and immortality*... but you know what I *do* have a craving for?”_

 

_I say nothing, and once again he face is shoved into mine._

 

_“*Don’t* ignore me, demon. I got you this far, you are *not* leaving me behind...” he hisses._

 

_What do you want?_

 

_“Are you really so daft without me? Vengeance, darling... you swore a blood oath, did you not? Well, I’m here to deliver...”_

 

_What do you care about it? I ask dully._

 

_“My dear! I care so very much... our *reputation* is on the line!” He stares at me in indignation. “You can’t make a Shakespeare-worthy speech from a cage, and swear an oath to destroy an *entire cabal of vampires*, and then - what? Pass out? Become a vegetable? Be spectacularly destroyed by the London cabal? You know what will become of us? We’ll be a cautionary tale... a scary story for fledglings as they’re tucked into their coffins. ‘Did you ever hear the story about Jim Moriarty?’” he says in a hushed tone. “‘He rose against his Maker, and went *mad* from it - married a human, threatened an Elder, and died in pieces.’” He laughs wildly. “As effigies go, I think we can do better. How about ‘Jim Moriarty - threatened a cabal, and *did what he promised to do*!’” he shrieks, and shoves me._

 

_I blink as I feel my body moving._

 

_“Felt that? Good. There’s one other thing that I know you’d want written on your tombstone, if you were to have one. It *horrifies* me to utter this out loud, but I think this may work - Sebastian and Richard 4eva...” he shakes his head. “Good *god*, the things I have to put up with...”_

 

_No - don’t -_

 

_“Did love make you *completely stupid*? Well, that would prove what I’ve always suspected, wouldn’t it? But *I’m* still here, so - you really have no excuses. Do you know for certain that your Sebastian is dead?”_

 

_I let out a sob. *I saw*-_

 

_“What kind of astrophysicist would you have been?” he says in disgust. “You’d see some event for a few seconds, then draw a conclusion without collecting further data? Without testing your theories? Are you that much of an *eedjit*?”_

 

_Red tears fall to the bottom of the cage._

 

_“Oh, *cry* some more, honey... maybe your tears will *drown* them all... drown *us* too while you’re at it, and put us out of our misery...”_

 

_Leave me alone..._

 

_“What if Sebastian isn’t dead yet?” he shouts._

 

_He IS - they KILLED him_

 

_“Oh, and no one has ever appeared dead but been clinging to life? No one has ever had a near-death experience? Listen, honey - if there is any life left in that beautiful body... you have a chance.”_

 

_A chance to WHAT?_

 

_“Turn him,” he whispers seductively. “Turn him and you have your one-vampire army. Turn him and you can have your revenge. *Then* we’ll be a scary story I would *want* to hear. The madman in the night... the voice at your window... the monster under your bed... ‘Get out now, the call is coming from inside the house!’” He shrieks, then smiles wickedly. “‘Oh! Too late.’”_

 

_He takes my face in his hands, and I marvel that I can feel his touch._

 

_“Turn him and - you’ll have your forever...” he whispers, then shrugs. “Not that I care about *that*... I have bigger things to worry about. Like what you’re going to do to the London cabal when you get out of there... oooh, so many secrets to wield like weapons. Don’t you worry, darling... I’ll take care of *everything*...”_

 

_You really think I can-_

 

_He shrugs again. “Well, you could spend the day sleeping, then die tomorrow night never knowing if you could have saved him... sounds positively dreadful to me, but I can’t say I understand you anymore...”_

 

_But- I’m locked up_

 

_He sighs dramatically._

 

_“I have to think of everything for you, precious? You’re familiar with lock-picking?... you know the layout of the building... you could, I don’t know, take Sebastian somewhere hidden and turn him... then when he comes back to life tonight, you take your revenge. And when you leave, do go shopping. You look *frightful*, and l need to look magnificent for my triumphant return to London...”_

 

_“Are you forgetting something?” I demand, weeping. “There’s absolutely no guarantee it will work!”_

 

_“Oh, look who still has a voice!” He says cheerfully. “I didn’t realize you wanted a *guarantee*... let me just see what I can do, oh *wait*, grow the fuck up! There are no fucking guarantees in life, poppet! Except for this - Jim Moriarty will *always* come out on top. One way or another. So whether you die today taking down this bitch and her cabal, or die in the sun a hundred years from now, drinking tequila sunrises with your honey, I *don’t care*... you don’t drag my good name through the mud because you *fucked up* and then didn’t have the balls to fix it!”_

 

_He glares at me, and I rub my eyes. “I can’t change the fact that I’m not an old vampire!” I shout._

 

_“No, but you’re a *powerful* vampire... didn’t you hear what Urinal said?”_

 

_“*Uriel*,” I correct him dully._

 

_“Who the fuck cares,” he snaps. “The point is Titiana the psychic rapist was tracking powerful vampires... that’s *you*, honey... and maybe that will make up for your lack of years... and *brains*, dufus...” he says affectionately, and pats me hard on the head. ”Anyway, you can *try*... unless you *prefer* snivelling in a cage?”_

 

_“How - am I a powerful vampire...?” I ask slowly, shoving aside his hand._

 

_“Oh, I don’t know...” he says, his head falling back in exasperation. “You know that *thing* you did when you killed your Maker - taking your cord of energy, removing it from his... and plugging it into the cosmic energy web? Such esoteric *gibberish*, I really must find out the scientific explanation...” he mutters. “Anyway, that’s how. Nobody else does that, they’re tied to their Maker for eternity. Not you - you’re plugged directly into the, what, source of vampire power? So that makes *you*... the most powerful vampire on record. More powerful than the Elders, more powerful than Titiana the Tedious, and *that’s* why there’s a chance you may be able to do this...”_

 

_“But - I wasn’t able to resist her powers! I wasn’t able to fight them off! How am I more powerful than then??”_

 

_“But - but -“ he mimics. “Listen, honey... I’m just giving you information, now *you* have to do something with it. Maybe this power is like a muscle - you have to use it to reach its full potential... *train* it. Mmm, discipline...” he murmurs as though to a lover._

 

_I think about this for a moment. “Maybe... I couldn’t fight them off, because I didn’t even know the power was there... like it was dormant, and waiting to be discovered?”_

 

_“Ohh, look who’s waking up and using his grey matter! *Excellent* timing, because the vampires are falling asleep...”_

 

_I blink at him in a daze._

 

_“The vampires are falling asleep!” he shouts, and shoves me. “Do you need an engraved invitation to get off your arse and escape?”_

 

_“Sebbie,” I whisper, and get onto my hands and knees._

 

_Moriarty covers his face with his hands. "Whatever you need to light the fire under your arse and not get torn limb from limb... you have my blessing. Now. Go. Get. Your. Army." He lowers his hands and smiles at me ferally. "And then... give me my bloodbath. I've been so *bored*," he says petulantly, and kicks the cuff on my leg._

 

_I drag myself into a crouching position and peer through the bars. It's dark - but vampire vision kicks in, and I scan the room. There are still a few vampires lying around, looking dead to the world. Most seem to have cleared the room. The Elders are gone. I force myself to look where you were lying, and I whimper when I don't see you. My hands fly to my mouth when I see your body on the floor with another human - looking pale and limp._

 

_"Tick. Tock." Moriarty's voice whispers in my ear. "If he's alive, he won't be for long..."_

 

_Tears running down my face, I cover my hand with my sleeve and pull out the silver knife from my shoe. Then I get to work on the lock. It doesn't take me long before I'm free... and working on the lock of the cage. And opening the door, and dropping down to the floor..._

_creeping noiselessly towards you..._

_luckily the thralls must be guarding the Elders and upper-echelon vampires... they must have thought me unlikely to escape, to not leave one guard?_

 

_"Stupid. Fools." Moriarty hisses in my ear. "I shall so enjoy their screams... do remember to record it with your phone, darling. I'd like it to be my new ringtone..."_

 

_"Shut. the Fuck. Up." I hiss back, and creep towards you. My chest tightens, and I fall to the floor next to you._

 

_"Sebastian..." I murmur, caressing your cheek. "My Sebastian..." my voice breaks, and my eyes blur with red._

 

_"Is his body cold?" Moriarty snarls. "Then stop your *whining*, you're hurting my ears! Take him somewhere where you can wait for sunset... and do what you came here to do..."_

 

_My fingers trail along your arm. The skin is cool, but that fits if you've gone into shock, and you're near death. Fuck... *Sebastian*..._

 

_I pick you up, cradling you against me, and I slip out into the hallway... and make my way to the armoury. Here is where we'll see if I can bring you back to life..._

_Here is where we'll make our last stand..._

 

_I lay you on the floor carefully, and look up at Moriarty._

 

_“Well? Slit your wrist, and give him your blood,” he says snappishly._

 

_I do as instructed, and hold my wrist to your mouth. Blood splashes onto your lips, but there’s no movement or reaction._

 

_“*Open it*, and pour the blood in...”_

 

_I do. Again, nothing. “How do I know it’s working?” I demand, panicking._

 

_“You don’t, Jimmy. You won’t know until sunset. Now - do the esoteric nonsense..” he mutters._

 

_I drop down into my centre... and then I begin the search for the energetic thread that binds you to this plane of existence. It’s coming out of the centre of your chest._

 

_“The heart... source of life,” he nods. “Make sense...”_

 

_The heart... source of love? I feel mine, cracking and about to burst into a thousand tiny shards._

 

_I stare in awe at the thin thread of blue light waving from your chest like a mysterious underwater plant..._

_Such a little thing... what happens to it when the person dies?_

 

_"Wait any longer and you'll find out," Moriarty growls. "Now - draw the thread towards you... towards your heart..._

 

_"How do I-"_

 

_"Use. Your. Mind." he says, sounding disgusted with the instructions. But there's also fascination there... I'm about to attempt something astounding... turn a dying human into a vampire. Even my psychopathic side finds this amazing..._

 

_I coax the glowing thread of life towards me and *it moves*... hesitantly at first. Then as if it senses my energy, it rushes towards me... its weak light drawn to my pulsing power._

_As if it... recognizes me?_

 

_"That's it... that's it, honey... come to me..." I breathe._

 

_Moriarty remains silent, watching with gleaming eyes._

 

_I watch in awe as the light enters my chest. My hand clutches where it's attached._

 

_"I *feel* it... does that mean - it worked?"_

 

_He looks at me, dispassionately. "You read the same texts as I did. We won't know until darkness falls..."_

 

_"So after *that*... he could still - ?" I falter, and look at your body. "No - it *can't* happen," I moan. "I can't live without you, Sebbie!!"_

 

_"Histrionics won't change anything..." he says tersely. "And for fuck's sake, don't make any noise in case any thralls noticed you're missing... they could be *looking* for you."_

 

_I look uneasily at the door and grab a sword from a shelf._

 

_"How mediaeval!" he says blithely. "Speaking of histrionics, you need to be aware... he's going to look very dead until sunset. Because he'll be dead very soon... well, in limbo, between dead and undead. The thread keeps him bound to you as long as the vampirification process is underway. But if it doesn't take..." he trails off._

_"I just want you to prepare yourself. It's a distinct possibility, and if it doesn't work, we'll need a Plan B."_

 

_"If it doesn't work... *you'd* better prepare yourself. I'll be setting the nest on fire... and then I'm walking out into the sun..." I whisper, tears falling from my eyes._

 

_He stares at me a long time and sighs. "Understood."_

 

_I stare at you, my hand trailing over your chest. Is it getting cooler?_

 

_*No*..._

 

_Tears are rolling down my face faster and faster._

 

_Oh god... this is exactly what I *never* wanted to do. Be facing hours without you, waiting to see if you'd return..._

 

_"I don't think I can do this..." I whisper._

 

_"You need to sleep." his voice is gentler. Am I imagining that?_

 

_I look up at him, the man with my face, who has been with me since childhood._

 

_"I *can't*..." I sob._

 

_"You *have* to... you'll need all your strength to fight your way out of here... do you want to risk Sebastian being killed, because you're too weak to do your part?"_

 

_"But - I have to protect him..." I say stubbornly. "I need to watch over him... what if *something happens* and I don't wake up??"_

 

_"You've done all you can do, Jimmy..." his voice is quiet, and I blink._

 

_"No..." I reply, and lay my head across your chest. Your heartbeat is barely there... weakening with every beat. I know, I *know* this is part of it. But how can I just lie here and watch you *die*??_

_I hear the beginning of a song in my head, and I sob again._

 

_Then I begin to sing..._

 

Love of my life, you've hurt me

You've broken my heart and now you leave me

Love of my life, can't you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don't take it away from me, because you don't know

What it means to me

 

Love of my life, don't leave me

You've stolen my love, you now desert me

Love of my life, can't you see?

Bring it back, bring it back

Don't take it away from me

Because you don't know

What it means to me

 

_Even with my vampire hearing, I can barely detect your heartbeat now. I find myself sobbing again, and I clutch at the glowing blue thread that's attached to my chest._

 

_When I've stopped weeping, I touch the red tears that have fallen on your chest._

 

You will remember

When this is blown over

Everything's all by the way

When I grow older

I will be there at your side to remind you

How I still love you

 

I still love you

 

Oh, hurry back, hurry back

Don't take it away from me

Because you don't know what it means to me

Love of my life

Love of my life

 

_Your heart has stopped._

 

_I dissolve into tears, burying my face in your chest._

 

_"Jimmy..." I hear, and a hand touches mine._

 

_I look up, and Moriarty looks down at me. There's a softness in his eyes I haven't seen for a very long time..._

 

_"Don't fight it, dearest... sleep..." he whispers, and I feel my eyelids droop._

 

_"I - can't-" I cry out._

 

_"I'll watch over you..." he says firmly. "No one will hurt your Tiger. And I'll be here when you wake."_

 

_"You will?" I whisper, and I feel him press his forehead to mine._

 

_"Have I ever left you to face anything alone? I will *always* be with you..." he whispers back fervently. "Now - sleep..."_

 

_I resist, but Moriarty is stroking my forehead, and it's so comforting, and I can't keep my eyes open, the darkness is coming for me, but Sebbie, I - please - come back to me -_

 

_I press my hands to the blue thread, and sink into the darkness..._

 

_I float up through the darkness, like rising in the sea._

_Something is different, but I don't know what..._

_like a sea anemone is following me._

_What?_

_I continue to float up, up, up..._

_and a presence is behind me..._

_something is definitely *following* me..._

_I start to panic, thrash - I need to get to the surface._

_Is there seaweed wrapped around me?_

_I break through the surface of the darkness, and blink rapidly._

_Moriarty is there, waiting._

_"Took you long enough," he remarks. "I've been calling you, Jimmy..."_

 

_"Sebastian! Is he-" I look down, and touch your cheek._

_Cool skin. No movement._

_My face crumples._

 

_"*Don't* fall apart," Moriarty snaps. "It's not sunset yet. We just need to be ready to go when the nest starts waking... Get the weapons you want... and the weapons you think Sebastian would-" he raises an eyebrow. "No guarantees, Jimmy," he says softly. "But we have to prepared either way."_

 

_I stare at you, barely moving except to grasp your arm. "I meant what I said... I say in a hollow voice. "If Sebastian doesn't come back, I won't live to see sunrise."_

 

_Moriarty nods slowly. "I believed you the first time. Better get some fire-based weapons, then..."_

_He reaches out and extends a hand. I take it._

_"At least it's a dramatic way to go. Cinematic, dark, epic... I couldn't ask for more," he grins at me. "I'm proud of you, Jimmy," he says and squeezes my hand._

 

_"Proud?" I echo, squeezing my eyes shut, and feeling tears run down my cheeks. "Don't you think I'm ridiculous for *feeling*? For falling in *love*?"_

 

_He rolls his eyes. "Oh, *you*... you always were a sweetheart." He winks. "That's where I come in. Now. Gather your weapons like a proper avenging vampire... there's a good Jimmy."_

 

_I squeeze his hand back, and he jerks his head towards the shelves of weapons. Sniffling, I look down at Sebastian. My chin trembling, I get up and collect the weapons we'll need. I strap some onto myself, and put the rest in a duffle bag - to be carried either by my love, or me, alone in my final moments._

_Sebastian, I think desperately as I zip up the bag and place it at the entrance. *Sebastian*..._

 

_“Jimmy...” Moriarty says slowly. “It’s sundown.”_

_But aren’t you supposed to come back to life now?_

_I turn slowly and look at you._

_Nothing._

_“The vampires will be getting up. We have to get going...” he says quietly._

_“But... he’s not awake yet...” I whisper._

_I look at Moriarty, desperate for reassurance. There’s a crease in his brow. And a tightness around his mouth._

_“Jimmy...” he says softly, his voice tinged with regret._

_But no - couldn’t it just take a bit of time for you to return? You can’t be..._

_I touch my chest, start grasping desperately for the blue thread of light. I thought it was still with me when I woke up, did it fall away without me noticing??_

_No..._

_Surely - I would have *felt* it if you..._

_If you..._

_*NO*..._

_I fall to my knees in silence..._

_Lay my head against your chest..._

_Where I hear nothing._

_Feel nothing but the coolness of your skin._

_See nothing but your pale chest underneath my hands._

_My worst fear has come true..._

_my love is gone forever._

_I have failed him._

_Failed us._

_“Oh god,” I choke out. “Please, no...”_

_“We knew he might... “ he trails off._

_“I didn’t... *actually believe*-“ I stare in horror at your body._

_*Sebastian*..._

_“You *can’t* be gone... you *can’t* be!!” I cry out desperately. “Sebastian Moran! You made me a promise!! What happened to forever?? What the fuck happened to *forever*!!”_

_I start to pound my fists against your chest, weeping._

_“*Jimmy!*” Moriarty hisses. “You’re going to bring every vampire in the building to the door, is that what you want?!”_

_“What I *WANT* is what Sebastian promised me! I want my TIGER!” I sob, collapsing against you - against *your body*. It’s not you in there anymore, is it..._

_Oh -_

_*god* -_

_*TIGER* -_

 

 

Blackness...

Pain recedes, blissfully...

Darkness...

Floating...

No concept of time...

 

Light through the dark... a small light - getting bigger -

Is that the light at the end of the tunnel, that you're supposed to go to?

I'm floating there anyway...

It looks pleasant, warm, inviting - not like I expected heaven or hell to look...

 

There's a figure standing there - I recognize him -

\- David?

He turns towards me, smiles - yes - it's David. Of course. Who else had I expected?

 

"Bass." He smiles. "Welcome."

He looks similar to when he - died - huh. I can think it without the customary stab of pain and guilt... - and he looks different - like the man he would have become. It's him though...

"Have you been waiting - for me?" I ask.

"Time doesn't exist here," he smiles. "You look great - such a strong beautiful man, like I always knew you would be."

"You too..."

 

"Come, sit down," he gestures at the sloping ground, and I recognize it - it's the shore by the lake where we sat and drank whisky that I'd nicked from my dad and talked for hours and hours as the sun set and the stars came out and I was so very happy and confident that this was true love and true happiness and it would last forever...

 

I sit down, he hands me the bottle, I drink it - it burns through my throat and I sigh with pleasure - it's good to know that they have whisky - here - wherever here is...

David touches my hand, and it feels like this was only yesterday, that the time between wasn't real, was just a dream, that only this is real - us, sitting here in the sand warmed up by the day's sun, looking at the light dancing on the waves of the lake.

 

"I didn't mind, you know," David says.

"What?" I ask, but I know what he's saying -

"Jim. He was - not what I would have chosen for you, but your love for him burned so bright, and you were so devastated when you were separated from him - it was clear that he made you happy, in a way, and that was all I ever wanted for you..."

 

_Jim_

Oh god Jim -

I left you behind - with those vampires - who are going to kill you -

 

"I have to get back," I whisper.

"I'm sorry, Bass," David says. His face looks sad.

"We all feel we have unfinished business when we arrive - can you imagine how much I wanted to get back to you, especially when I saw how you were destroying yourself with grief and guilt? But it's a one-way street...”

 

No - there has to be a way back - you hear about people coming back from being dead, don't you? They've seen all sorts - I once talked to a soldier who’d spoken with God and Jesus and a whole host of heavenly angels; another who’d met his Nan –

I stand up, look around, see the black hole that I came in through – it’s retreating, getting smaller – I run towards it, catch up with it, look inside -

 

“Bass.” David appears beside me. “I’m so sorry darling, there’s no way back. If you go into the black you will just – roam the black until you find your way back here – trust me, I’ve tried…” Tears appear in his eyes.

I gaze into the darkness, trying to see something – and in the distance, I think - I hear – a voice –

 

_Love of my life, can't you see?_

_Bring it back, bring it back_

_Don't take it away from me, because you don't know_

_What it means to me_

 

 _Jim_ -

It’s Jim – I can hear him –

 

I step into the blackness, and see – a small thread of blue light coming out of my heart, leading into the dark –

I step into the direction it seems to lead –

“Bass – no –“

 

I look around, see David on the sand.

“No – if you go back – you’ll never be able to come back here – not just to me, to – this – you’ll be – lost, between life and death – forever – don’t do that to yourself, Bass – Jim wouldn’t want you to do that – didn’t want you to – remember?”

 

I look at him, see the tears on his face, feel so torn – but –

 

 _Jim_ -

 

_Love of my life, don't leave me_

_You've stolen my love, you now desert me_

_Love of my life, can't you see?_

_Bring it back, bring it back_

 

“I’m sorry, David – I will always love you – but – I have to –“

“ _Bass_ …”

 

I have to. I can’t – stay here, knowing I left Jim in the hands of those – monsters – I can’t –

 

_I still love you_

_Oh, hurry back, hurry back_

 

I follow the blue thread through the dark, not looking back, not willing to see David’s face, seeing the disappointment that I’ve failed him _again_ -

 

I follow it for what seems like an eternity, until finally – I think I’ve reached the end – the thread stops, and I feel -

 

_PAIN_

 

_PAIN!!PAIN!!PAIN!!PAIN!!PAIN!!_

 

My entire body is a mass of holes and cuts and each and every one is filled with burning acid -

My heart is a black stone that's being wrung dry in an industrial vice -

My blood has gone and abrasive venom is biting its way through my veins -

Each and every one of my nerves has been exposed and is being stripped with a penknife -

 

I thought I had known pain before. It was nothing.

 

And it goes on - for ever –

 

 

_“Tiger Tiger - burning bright...” I whisper brokenly._

_“You were - my - everything -“_

_I am shattered. My oath to destroy them doesn’t matter._

_Nothing matters..._

_I take your hand and hold it to my face - it soon grows wet with red tears._

_I look at the other one... your hand, squeezed into a fist._

_Was it like that before?_

_I look at the one in my hand - also a fist._

_My mouth drops open._

_I drop your hand._

 

 

Pain - pain - pain - my entire being is pain -

I grasp for the blue thread - can I go back? This is not bearable -

But - Jim -

No - have to stay - have to find Jim -

I see the blue thread, but it’s not leading into the black - it leads to - a heart? A non-beating heart –

I recognize how it feels -

 _Jim_ -

I have to get to Jim - I have to move - move the body that is pain -

Pain is irrelevant to the mission, soldier -

Open your eyes. See where you are. Assess appropriate action.

And for fuck’s sake, don’t scream.

 

 

_What's happening??_

_Oh - god -_

_I stare in shock at your fists... this isn't a trick of my imagination, is it? Please - I couldn't bear it -_

_‘It's not - your imagination, Jimmy-‘ Moriarty whispers in my mind. ‘You got what you wanted - now there's no time to waste. GET MOVING.’_

_"Seb-" I choke out. "Sebbie??"_

_Your nails are digging into your palms, and puncturing the skin. Oh god, the pain -_

_"Oh - god - I know how much pain you must be in... It will fade... Can you hear me, Sebastian?" I ask, completely dazed._

_My hands curl over your fists, gently pulling your fingers to remove your nails from your palms._

_"Sebbie, darling..." I croon, my face slick with tears._

_When your eyes open, I start to sob._

_In the background, I hear Moriarty cursing. I cover my mouth, trying to quieten my sobbing. When I see your eyes focus and look at me, my shoulders start to shake violently._

 


	28. Under Pressure

Love's such an old fashioned word

And love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

 

 

Jim.

It's you.

You're crying.

I must reassure you - must tell you I am not dead - any more -

"Jim..." my voice croaks.

 

 

_Oh - fuck - you're really here... I throw myself against you, crying even harder._

 

_“Listen, my sensitive little bunny...” Moriarty growls in my ear. “This is all very heartwarming, but Sebastian will be gone for GOOD if you don't stop broadcasting where you are! And so will you... and most importantly, so will I!! If you MUST be a weepy little flower, then at least wait until you're out of danger... for fuck's sake, have I taught you nothing?”_

_His scathing warning works - the thought of my Tiger being taken away from me *again* is so horrifying, I stop my weeping, and lift my head to look at you._

 

_"Oh god, Seb…" I whisper, sniffling. "You came back... you came back to me..."_

_I take your face in my hands, and kiss your lips gently. "Are you still in pain?"_

 

 

"Jim -" even whispering hurts - " - you _sang_ -

and fuck, yeah - pain -"

Thinking is complicated. Talking even more so.

"I hurt - need - eat? drink? - blood?"

 

 

_I moan softly. "You - heard me??"_

_More tears are squeezed from my eyes - god, I'm going to need to drink so much blood to replenish my fluids..._

_Speaking of which... *shit*._

_You need blood and *soon*, for this to work._

_Where the hell am I going to -_

_My head swivels like a key in a lock, as I hear sounds in the hallway. I press a finger to my lips to shush you, then scent... *human*, and rise slowly..._

_creeping noiselessly across the floor..._

_the door opens, and I leap out before the two males can even form a cry of alarm on their lips._

_My hands covering their mouths, I drag their struggling bodies back in and shut the door behind me with my hip._

_I turn my gaze upon them, and they quake as my eyes glow red. Quick as a cat, I slit the throat of one - then lower him to the ground next to you. The other watches horrified, my hand still clamped over his mouth._

_You seem fascinated, hungry, and dazed as you struggle to raise your head._

_"Drink, my love..." I whisper, and press the human's neck to your lips._

 

 

You are moving away and _no_ , need Jim - Jim is why I'm here -

Orders, soldier. Silent.

Scuffle - fight? Need help?

No - Jim - with -

_blood_

\- _!!NEED!!_ -

I bury my face in the feast, the delight, the manna from heaven, the water of life - I am _so_ thirsty; I haven't drunk in _years_ \- I gulp and gulp and gulp and I feel nowhere near slaked when the blood runs out - but then you push another throat in front of me and I realize - my tongue passes across my teeth - I have _fangs_ -

I bite the throat in front of me, tear it open, and blood runs out, precious delicious succulent luscious blood - and I drink and drink and feel a bit better - a bit less painful, a bit more coherent, a bit more sane -

Oh.

Fuck.

"I'm a _vampire_?!"

 

 

_Watching you drink blood for the first time is like the clouds parted and heaven spit an angel out at me - a beautiful naked fallen angel with rumpled blonde hair and pulsing red eyes. I blink at you as your eyes slowly turn blue, like a tempestuous sea before the storm._

_And the storm is you._

_So beautiful..._

_and just now realizing what nature of being you are..._

_Oh - god - what if you didn't actually want this? It's one thing to toy with the idea while it's still abstract. Now you know what it *really* means to be vampire... what if... it's not what you *want*?_

_"You were dying..." I whisper. "I brought you back..."_

 

 

"You did - you amazing creature -" I smile, easy now my body is no longer in pain - I feel so relieved, so strong -

I pull you towards me, am surprised at how little you weigh -

I lift you up with one hand, easily - what the fuck - you're like a feather - your eyes go wide, I make sure to lower you gently -

"What was that?"

 

 

_I feel a rush of relief as a smile spreads across your face. And then you pull me *to* you, and -_

_..._

_*what*?_

_I find myself lifted up in the air, and then I am back in your arms, and start laughing madly. "Oh my god. *Seb*. I forgot... newborn vampires are *insanely strong*... they need to be, to smash out of their coffins, and dig their way out of their graves... it's a tumultuous, vulnerable time in a vampire's new life, and they need to be in top form... only an Elder is stronger."_

_My eyes widen as I look up at you. "My big... strong... vampire *soldier*..." I purr, and throw my arms around your neck._

 

 

Those words - define me. Soldier I have always been. Vampire I have become. And Yours... god, yes, I am.

I still feel the love and awe I always felt for you but now there is something else, something - intangible, but incredibly strong - I never would hurt you, but now I think I physically couldn’t even if I tried.

But - others might try. Very very likely. My memories flood back from before I died - shit - you’re in danger -

What did you say? I’m insanely strong now - oh - god - _finally_ -

I’m no longer a liability to you - I’m your strong soldier - I look around - in a room full of _weapons_...

Ohhh, Christmas...

I stand up, grab one of the swords from the stand - good thing dad thought fencing lessons were essential for a young man...

I grasp a dagger and drop it - it _burned_ -

“Careful,” you whisper, “silver...”

You pick it up using your sleeve. I am still quite naked, so I’ll let you carry the nasty metal for now -

There’s a leather belt with a knife in a sheath (a normal steel one) that I strap on, and one with a bastard sword that I can cross over my chest so the sword hangs on my back.

Bring on the bloodsuckers...

As if on cue, I hear a commotion - they must have discovered that you’ve escaped. I move to the door of the armoury, motioning for you to stay behind me.

I feel glorious. I have come into my strength. Finally I can protect my husband...

 

 

_I watch in awe as you assess weapons like the soldier you are, and start strapping them on - naked._

_I was going to pull off the clothes from the bigger human for you, but I find myself unable to utter a single word as I watch you get battle-ready. God, the look of brutal determination... the feral gleam in your eye..._

_“Swooning later, honey,” Moriarty purrs. “Do something useful...”_

_I look through the shelves and discover a cache of silver-plated throwing weapons... come to me, my pretties... I start strapping holsters to myself, and add silver knives._

_suddenly there's noise in the hallway. You wave me behind you like the protective bodyguard-warrior-husband you are, and I stare at you in a daze. Then I shake myself out of my stupor._

_Enough. My hot knight needs back-up..._

_I snatch up a pouch of silver throwing stars and snap it around my thigh, as you creep towards the door._

 

 

I hear yelling, running down the hall, people shouting orders, doors slamming. I wonder if these vampires sleep in coffins... Titiana had a bed but maybe that's just for abusing humans in...

I feel a red-hot fire inside me. Just what I need... a bit of rage...

The door flies open, two vampires rush in.

Action time.

I slash the sword at their necks and it goes through them like butter - wow.

 

 

_My mouth drops open as vampire heads go flying, and one rolls across the floor at my feet. I kick it out into the hall, then laugh wildly._

_"Tiger! Shall we go hunting?" I purr, pressing against you._

_I close my eyes as I feel a killing-rage building in me, then I shake my head to clear it._

_"There's a lot more of them... and the Elders are stronger. We need a plan of attack, my hot beautiful soldier..." I whisper in your ear._

 

 

"The best defence is a good offence," I dive into close-quarter battle strategy 101. "If we can surprise them it's infinitely more desirable than having them call the shots. So running through the cabal hell for leather isn't that bad an idea - get them before they can get organized, work out what's happened. Use the confusion in our favour.

You still got that silver dagger?"

"I have several," you nod, holding a crossbow. I'm not sure how much that will do - though I did shoot a vampire out in the desert. If they don't move, they can get hit, and if they're hurt, they're less dangerous -

"You ready babe?" I ask, feeling fire and aggression and blood lust course through my veins - I want to kill - _destroy_ \- demolish _slaughter_ ANNIHILATE -

I run into the hall at another vampire, slash his rump in two. Wow, this _is_ good. Also - this sword is bloody sharp. They kept their weapons in good condition - I wonder why. Did they use them?

No time to contemplate - another victim is keen to be seen to; I spear him through the heart, then you dive in to tear his head off. We're a great team darling - I feel adrenaline coursing through me, battle frenzy like I've only rarely felt before - it's not encouraged, it makes you reckless, but fighting can be such a fucking beautiful dance of death, demented in its splendour, danced barefoot on the edge of a blade, painful and bloody and over with one wrong step... A human dives at me with what I think is a silver dagger and I sidestep and chop off his arm.

 

 

_I have to focus hard not to get distracted by your beautiful display of killing... god, you're *masterful*... the vampires are so arrogant as they attack, and then the horrified looks on their faces when you rush at them with a sword is *priceless*._

_Launching yourself into a killing frenzy, naked and strapped down with weapons, you look like a warrior from an ancient era whose likeness would have been commemorated in statues, and carvings... perhaps erotic-themed pottery._

_A warrior from a fantasy springs forth in my mind - muscular, oiled and naked, with flashing eyes... belonging to a tyrannical emperor with dark hair and a murderous smile..._

_“Focus, Jimmy!” Moriarty snaps at me, but I think I hear him humming with pleasure at the thought of a rebellious, lusty Sebastian in chains._

_I lunge at another vampire, and sever yet another screaming head from its body. As you dispatch a human, I scoop up more silver daggers, and some lovely shiny ninja stars - oh! *Funn*... I want to throw these in Titiana's *face*._

_When you look up from the dead human, your naked body is coated with spattered blood. We'll have to find a shower before we leave... we're going to look *terrifying*..._

_I grin at you, as blood drips from my face. "*More*, darling..." I whisper gleefully._

 

 

Your eyes are gleaming and your face is covered in blood... you look more beautiful than anything I've ever seen. You are death and blood lust personified...

I guess I must look much the same. We're the stuff of nightmares, babe...

Like bats out of hell (hah) we dance our way through our enemies. You're _legendary_. I've never seen a vampire kill vampires before tonight, but it's magnificent - superfast predators jumping, snarling, biting, clawing - but we had the pick of the armoury, and except for that first human with a silver (?) dagger, I haven't seen any other weapons. It's almost too easy, but I know better than to call the battle won before everyone is defeated...

Just how many vampires are there here? I think we've killed twelve so far, a few humans - there were more than that in the hall, about thirty apart from the Elders - and you said they were more powerful - well where are they? Why are they letting their minions get killed? Fucking ruperts are the same across species...

The flood of enemies has stopped - looks like they've worked out that rushing us only results in dead bodies. Dead-er bodies. Don't think about that right now. Existential crisis after fighting, soldier.

Keep going. Don't give them time to get organized. The armoury is behind us and I don't _think_ there is another entrance, but I don't know about the other doors in the hall, so we need to be prepared for people coming up from behind.

I hear voices behind a door that has an electronic lock. That's your department, gorgeous... though I suppose...

I bash the door as hard as I can and break straight through it. Half of it is hanging from its hinges, part is still connected to the lock, and between are splintered wooden beams and metal braces. On the other side is a library, all oaken bookcases and marble pillars.

Four vampires and two humans are huddled in the corner - a male and female Elder and two younger ones. Not Titiana, but it's a start -

I kick the door, creating a bigger opening, allowing me to see more of the room. No ambush. I crash through, waving my sword, feeling you right behind me. I decapitate the first youngster, but the Elders are out of the way - they're faster. Not faster than I am though - I whirl around and slash - and dive out of the way as pieces of vampire and sword rain over me. I've slashed through the male Elder’s skull, but hit the marble pillar with such force that my sword disintegrated.

I reach for my knife, but the woman is diving at me.

 

 

_Watching you smash your way through the locked door is magnificent... and then the Elders look completely outraged and confused, like they want to shout something ridiculous like 'what is the meaning of this!' only there's no time, because as you stalk into the room they can see you mean business, and their faces grow troubled, and then they're running, yes, fly away little bloodsucking birds, only there's nowhere you can fly to that we won't track you down..._

_I watch awe-struck as you cut down vampires with blows so strong that your sword falls to pieces._

_And then there's a vampire lunging at you with a look of fury on her face, and *fuck no*, you don't get to take him away from me, you bitch - *no one touches Sebastian*..._

_I watch as one of my silver throwing stars buries itself in her throat. The look of *oh fuck no* on her face is a thing of beauty. She claws at her throat with a strangled scream, and I watch with fascination as the flesh around the wound begins to smoke - ooh, I really do have to develop weapons with silver nitrate - I want to watch an entire body do that._

_But we have places to be and a cabal to decimate, so I leap at the vampire hands outstretched, and rrrrrip, her head comes off. Her neck continues to smoke, and then the body falls to the ground next to her head with its adorably stunned expression. I pluck out the throwing star carefully with my sleeve, wipe away the blood on her dress, and slide it into my pocket with a wince. My fingers are stinging - I'm going to need gloves to use these stars effectively... but the knives at least have a non-silver handle._

_I look up at you, watching me with pleasure. "You know, I *must* be a powerful vampire after all... you don't see any of these other unfortunate creatures tearing off heads. But *you*, my love... are the most beautiful killer I've ever seen..." I stare at you intently. "The Elder bitch is next - and I want her in *pieces*. But do *not* underestimate that monster... she may have powers we don't know about. Are you ready for this, Tiger?" My hand curls around yours possessively, and I glower with menace._

 

 

“There are two more Elders to deal with as well as her. But fuck yes, I’m _so_ ready to deal with that cunt...” I growl.

“If she’s in the chamber she took me to, it’s at the end of the hall downstairs. Let’s head in that direction...”

We make our way down the stairs with no more contact. With my new sensitivity I feel/hear/sense a large concentration of bloodsuckers at the end of the hall - looks like they’re gathered in the rooms at the end - Titiana's and the one opposite -

I point, look at you questioningly, you nod - you sense it too. That means that they will sense us approaching as well...

I wish I had a proper RPG or some grenades - see how well those fuckers heal when they’re in fifty pieces. But all I have is a bastard sword - so old-fashioned handiwork it is.

There are a few vampires directly behind the door, waiting to attack us when we come in. I gesture at you to wait a second, grab one of the black marble plinths which hold some stupid busts along the hall, dropping and smashing the bust, then take a second, place them side by side in between the doors.

I throw the first plinth at the door opposite, crashing through it, shattering the marble into a shower of rock shards. I don’t wait to see, but throw the second one straight after it. It goes further through the door, gets stuck, falls down on the other side without breaking.

 

 

_I am growing more and more livid as we approach her chamber. I want to tear her limb from limb, but I know I have to let you have your vengeance... hopefully there's some of the undead bitch left over for me, because *what she did* has earned her *pain*... not only to *touch* what belongs to me... not only to *violate* the one I love... but to give the order for *your death* in front of *my eyes*... I'm filling with such corrosive black rage and hate, I'm amazed that it doesn't pour out of my eyes, and all over the floor like tar..._

_After you throw the plinths through the door, you glance back at me - your eyes widen at my expression, even in your killing state of mind._

_And then all hell breaks loose._

_The vampires regroup and rush the door shrieking furiously. But their shouts turn to screams of pain as my silver knives flash through the air and slice through their necks and faces. Then there are four distracted vampires desperately pulling out silver blades from smoking wounds in their flesh._

_Perfect - I rush at them, but just then the door to Titiana's door opens. I look back, and more vampires pour out._

_*Shit.*_

_I push you out of the way, and throwing stars fly through the hall at them like a silver hailstorm. Then I wheel around to see the furious and wounded vampires behind me advancing._

 

 

You push me out of the way and I let you, let you unleash your silver projectile havoc onto the vampires, but then it's my turn, darling -

I pull you back and wade in, remembering the words from my sword fighting teacher - French, of course - 'couronnez, couronnez, moulinez, moulinez -' basically waving my bastard sword around in large circles, cutting through anything around me. I make sure I don't hit you, don't hit the wall - don't want another splintered sword - and hit everything else, cutting through vampires' heads like ripe melons. Their large numbers are an advantage - it's nearly impossible to not hit someone or several someones. I'm faster than they are - they can't get through my defence.

Pretty soon we've run out of vampires - the ones which are left have retreated to inside the rooms.

 

 

_Both of us are slick with blood. We grin at each other for a moment, and I squeeze your hand. Then we look soberly at the room._

_The moment has come. We have no idea what waits for us, but we will carry black annihilation with us... and hope that we don't get dragged down with it._

_I make a slow cutting gesture across my throat, and I feel my eyes flash red._

_‘I love you’ I mouth to you. And then ‘KILL’._

 

 

I kick the door to the room opposite Titiana's –

and there she is.

My blood both boils and freezes. I'm furious - want to wreak my revenge - but she terrifies me to my core.

Still, I've never let fear guide me - I charge forward to where she is standing with three other vampires around her - Uriel is one of them, but I don't see the other two Elders - I raise my sword and I _freeze_ \- _FUCK_ \- no - oh you fucking _bitch_ -

I feel the worms enter my brain and I fight, but I'm motionless –

 

 

_A cold wind seems to move through the room, and I shiver, despite myself._

_Something's happening - *what’s happening?*_

_You're frozen._

_*Shit*._

_"Ohh... what have you brought me?" Titiana purrs. She smiles lasciviously at you, and runs her hand down your chest and abdomen, then settles over your cock - which starts to grow hard at her touch._

_What -_

_"Lie on the bed, beautiful..." she says, licking her lips. And you *do*, looking dazed._

_Are you *fucking kidding me*??_

_I start towards Titiana, growling. A cold force field slams into place like an invisible wall of ice, and I bounce against it. I curse and move my hands over it desperately._

_Titiana turns her stare to me. "Thank you, my pretty savage..." she says in a glacial tone. "He was a luscious treat as a human, but as a *vampire*... oh my, my..." she crawls across the bed towards you. "I have no use for a murderer of Makers in my cabal..." she spits out. "But once I break *your* bond, I'll become his Mistress. Now - I'm sorry you had to miss our first time... but you can watch the second... and the third and the fourth, if I wish it..."_

_She smiles at me slamming against the force field in a fury, as she hikes up her skirt and slides down on your cock. Then I watch with horror as she takes your face in her hands and stares deeply into your eyes. "Forget your resistance, my dove..." she coos. "*Forget*... and find your desire for me... find your *pleasure*..."_

_You hesitate, and then your hands move to her breasts. She laughs low in her throat and begins to move against you, making you moan._

_Did she enchant you into *enjoying this*?? NoNo*NO*!!_

_I squeeze my eyes closed, shutting out the scene in front of me. Oh god... is this how it ends?? After all this, did I deliver you into the hands of an evil vampire queen?? What do I do? *What do I do??*_

_‘Darling’... my Moriarty self whispers. ‘Don’t be stupid. We ALWAYS come out on top. You have always found what you needed inside, Jimmy... so DIVE DEEP... NOW.’_

_My chin trembles and I obey... moving deeper and deeper until I find it -_

_the darkness that came to settle in me when I killed my Maker, pooling into me like a cataclysmic cloud - *Vampire power*, sleek and black, like liquid onyx - is this the ultimate secret that's been guarded so jealously by the Elders, kept for themselves to rule their cabals..? that it *wants* to be wielded, *wants* to be unleashed..._

_so I whisper to it, and reach out to touch it - and feel it curl around me and through me._

_And then it begins to whisper back..._

_I feel a ripple move through me._

_My eyes fly open._

_I send my energy out through our bond, and find her power running through your mind and your body... She feels my presence in you - and turns to smile mockingly at me as she fucks you._

_“Fun little trick, Titiana..." I snarl. "So this is your power... Care for a taste of mine?"_

_My energy lashes out, gleaming black and serpentine - and sinks into hers like gleaming fangs. She recoils in shock and goes still. I repeat but this time the bite seems to send some kind of venom through her. Oooh - that's a *fun trick*, too. I feel her struggle to maintain control, careening wildly before she slips out of your mind - bleeding from the eyes and shrieking with fury. She looks down at you, blinking as you regain your consciousness._

_"Titiana..." I say from behind the force field in a vicious tone. "Remove your violating pussy from my husband... And meet the *real* Sebastian..."_

 

 

No - no - _NO_ , not again! I was hoping she couldn't, now I was a vampire - but of course, she entered your mind earlier -

God - no - Jim - help -

You're moving towards us but are stopped somehow and she creeps towards me - no - no no no _NONO_ –

slides down on me –

oh god _NO_ –

I want to scream, I want to run, but I am helpless - fucking helpless, _again_ –

we should have tried to run, instead of trying to take on an entire cabal of vampires - what were we thinking -

She's talking to me but the words are not for me, they're for you, she's making my body move as if it's responding to her words, to _her_ \- like I would ever - don't believe it Jim, don't believe it, I'm still in here, I'm still resisting, I'm _not_ enjoying this, no matter what she's making my body do -

\- and she will keep making me do it - she will _keep_ me - for ever and ever and ever - I can't even _die_ -

I want to scream with pain and revulsion and frustration and fear and I can't, I can't, I can only watch as my body moves against her, as she's producing moans from my throat, as you stand there looking frantic, panicking, watching this - oh god Jim I am so sorry you're having to see this -

\- Jim –

 

\- _Jim?_ –

 

I feel you - _You_ , the essence of you, inside me - what is that? It feels like - the connection that I felt, our bond as Maker and Childe or whatever - but - it's aggressive, violent, _vicious_ \- and it's attacking her - oh god Jim -

I concentrate, try to help, you are like a snake of black rage, biting her, sending a shockwave of venom through her - and she wavers - and I _push_ , and she's _gone_ –

 _GONE_ -

I feel you fill me with your darkness, feel like I'm an obsidian statue, impenetrable -

 

and _extremely pissed off_.

 

I roar my rage into the room - it must be my imagination, but I think I see the walls tremble - and throw Titiana off me. She snarls and tries to jump at me with her fangs out and she's _fast_ , but so am I, and I am first of all trained in unarmed combat, and second of all absolutely _incandescent_ with rage and hatred.

I punch her face, kick her legs out from underneath her, and throw her off the bed, dive on top of her. She tries to scramble away but isn't fast enough; I've got her legs and pull her towards me, grab her hair, hold her head with my left hand as my right punches and punches and punches and I scream and roar and howl and I don't know how long I am there but when I am conscious of my surroundings again I realize that her head is – pretty much gone, my hand is covered in blood and bone and brain, you are sitting beside me with red tears in your eyes, and the other vampires are gone.

 

 

_I watch as you throw her off, and then I run back and forth behind the force field like a trapped wolf. I *don't pace*, at least I didn't use to... but I feel powerless and overcome with emotion. I have to *move*; I have to do something... I look for weaknesses in the field, try to send out my energy to neutralize it, pull it down... *nothing*..._

_but behind the wall of coldness, you're taking care of the monster..._

_I watch desperately as you immobilize her and start punching her, screaming and roaring... my shoulders sag as her head caves and turns into a bloody pulp under your blows... and I slow down until I'm standing in front of the force field, pawing at the wall of cold._

_I had thought this showdown would have been satisfying and cinematic - ooh, *revenge*, glorious - but instead I just feel furious and wounded and like I want to howl for hours under a blood-red moon... until my throat is raw and painful._

_I realize the air under my hands is warming up and becoming... softer... and then my hands go through it and I move quickly towards you, and sit next to you with tears running down my face until you stop punching. I pull you away from the body, and into my arms._

_"*I'mSorryI'mSoSorrySeb*," I cry into your hair, and my weeping turns into sobbing as I feel your arms go around me._

 

 

Jim... you're here, you're holding me, and I'm holding you, and you're crying, but we can't cry, my love, not while we are still in danger... there are two more Elders and I don't know how many other vampires, and we have to get to them before they get to the weapons.

I pull off Titiana's head to make _absolutely certain_ she's not coming back, then I stand up, help you up, head to the other door - it looks like the other vampires have got the message that it's bad news to fight us and are running - I sense them in the large room, rush through the door there, see a group of about ten rushing to get to the entrance - no, I can't let them get out, they may get allies, or escape and hunt us -

I run as fast as I can, which is amazingly fast - manage to get up to them, having pulled my knife from my belt, rush through them, blocking the door, slashing anyone who comes near - you run up behind me, grab the ones I've slashed, pulling off their heads - there are two Elders among them - I concentrate on keeping the obsidian in place in case any of them is a mind controller, but neither of them seems to try. One of them jumps me and he's _strong_ \- stronger than any of the others, as strong as I am I think - but again - I am a warrior, whereas this guy has only ever had to rely on his super strength to get him the upper hand in any situation. He grabs at me, digging his fingers in, but I easily bash his arms away, break his nose, while you are slashing through the other vampires with your silver dagger. You stab his arm, making him scream out, and I grab his chin and hair and break his neck, am a bit shocked when he just - keeps going - but then I grab the head and pull it off the body, and that stops him.

Meanwhile you're making short work of the other vampires, so I turn to the remaining Elder - the guy who spoke up for you earlier.

I raise my knife to attack him, when you speak.

 

 

_“Oh, the benevolent Elder... the one who spoke so eloquently for us, Sebastian...” My eyes narrow at him as I advance towards him. “What was your agenda? Being a thorn in Titiana’s side?”_

 

_“Certainly... but I also spoke the truth...” the Elder smiles grimly. “Is she dead?”_

 

_“May she rot in pieces...” I snarl, and continue towards him._

 

_“I have long wished it... but she was more powerful than all of us, and her psychic powers made it impossible for me to plot against her...” he said ruefully._

 

_“Shame...” I say lazily. “But you’ll need a better reason than that for us not to kill you...”_

 

_“Easy,” he smiles. “You like secrets?” He gestures for us to follow him. “In the archives...” he says quietly._

 

_You and I look at each other and then back at him. You shrug and keep your knife out. I follow him, mindful of hiding vampires. At least we’re heading back towards the armoury... I could use some more of those shiny stars..._

 

 

I follow you and your new friend to the second floor, but I sense something - there are some vampires on this floor - I walk in front of you - the door to the armoury flies open and a vampire leans out, holding a crossbow and shooting it - automatically I duck and push you to the floor; the Elder gets down as well - but then there are two other vampires rushing us with what look like silver daggers - shit -

I jump up, slash with my knife - I get one, slashing through his arm, making the hand with the dagger fall, but the other gouges my arm, burning, hurting, _biting_ \- it is taking all my willpower to not crumble and cradle my wounded arm, but you've grasped the other man's dagger and stabbed him in the leg and he's folding double. I manage to slice his head from his rump, and chase the other, who is running back to the armoury, bleeding from his severed arm.

Meanwhile the guy with the crossbow has reloaded and shoots at us. The tip of the bolt looks awfully bright - silver? - but since we're not distracted we can dodge it easily and it bounces harmlessly from the wall. I stab him in the throat, twisting and then pulling up, so I can pull up his head at the same time. I look around to see if you are alright, but I see movement from the corner of my eye - the one-armed guy has managed to get another dagger and is rushing me - I can only _just_ avoid him and expect him to turn, but he keeps running, to _you_ \- _no_ -

I jump and am surprised to see that I practically _fly_ through the air, manage to knock him over, the dagger flying from his hand.

I pull his head off too.

Is that it?

 

 

_The Elder pulls us both towards the archive room. “Hurry,” he whispers, and enters the code into the keypad. “Inside...”_

_When the door opens, we stumble in and collapse on the floor. It feels like we’ve been fighting for hours... have we been? My phone had been taken away from me, and there are no clocks in here._

_“Well... that was *delightful*,” I snap at the Elder, who looks down at us. “Can we expect more of your little curs attacking us?”_

 

_“You killed four *Elders* of their cabal...” he says slowly as if we’re recalcitrant children. “Most of them were Titiana’s creatures, and will want revenge. My kin will not attack you. So all you need to do is live long enough to get out of here - I can give you a van with tinted windows to escape. There’s a chance of being chased if anyone sees you...”_

 

_“How long do we have until dawn?” I ask, looking you over carefully. You have a couple of wounds, including the smoking cut in your arm which must hurt terribly. But you’ll heal._

 

_“Still about seven hours...” he says._

 

_Seven hours - plenty of time to either get to an airport, or drive until we’re the hell out of Nevada. We can find a hotel to sleep and then decide our plan of action._

 

_“Will they chase us once we’re out of Nevada?” I demand._

 

_He shakes his head. “I’m the only Elder left. I can’t be seen condoning the *terrible* things you’ve done to their beloved leader...” he says with a sly smile. “But I can certainly say to leave you alone so you can take care of our old enemies for us, as I already suggested.”_

 

_“Why is the London cabal your enemy? Titiana knew Erzsébet from before she moved here, didn’t she...”_

 

_He sighs. “We all knew each other... a very long time ago. But vampires love their old grievances. Titiana and Erzsébet were already fighting over territory, but it was exacerbated when Titiana dared sleep with the vampire Erzsébet wanted to be her king...”_

 

_“Probably forced him with her powers...” I mutter, stealing a look at you surreptitiously._

 

_The Elder nodded. “It was her way, yes. Erzsébet was more powerful, and she and her vampires launched a full-scale attack. Those of us that made it out alive left and travelled around Europe for many years... but territory was firmly established there by other cabals. Titiana declared that America was a land of opportunity not just for humans... once we set up our cabal here and expanded our numbers, it didn’t take long for word to travel... vampires with no strongholds began to arrive and establish cabals in different territories. Titiana was seen as a kind of Lady Liberty in the vampire world -“ you snort at this, and I smile faintly._

 

_“Erzsébet was of the old guard...” the Elder continues. “And so there were strong *feelings* in the cabal about her, which Titiana encouraged. She enjoyed sending out vampire agents to London... to try to steal information, kill London vampires, and generally be a thorn in Erzsébet’s side.”_

 

_“So *that’s* why you were tracking me... and so hell-bent on bringing me in? You thought I was an agent from London here for retaliation?”_

 

_He nods. “Accent aside, it seemed likely... Titiana went along with your story about the Belfast Cabal, knowing she would find out the truth with her psychic powers.”_

 

_“What are *your* powers?” I ask curiously._

 

_The Elder turns his ancient eyes towards me, and smiles slowly. “Ahh, fledgling... that’s not something that is asked in vampire society. We guard our secrets jealously, do we not?”_

 

_And I collect them like pretty trinkets, I think with satisfaction. I bow my head. “As you say. Pray, continue...”_

 

 

“Titiana was keen to gather and keep information on Erzsébet, as well as the other old Cabals - she believed knowledge was power, and she was quite right - though it looks like she got complacent regarding knowledge of what was going on right under her nose. She didn’t quite see the power in you... I did, but I have to say you surpassed even my expectations.”

He’s looking at you assessingly.

 

 

_"Who, little me? You flatterer..." I feign modesty, but his gaze is sharp and misses nothing._

 

_"You grew more powerful when you killed your Maker... and you only realized it when push came to shove with Titiana..." he concludes. "I assume I don't have to tell you this is not information that should be in the hands of anybody else... it could lead to chaos and anarchy... which threatens the safety of all vampires."_

 

_And threatens the power of Makers over their kin, and the stranglehold of Elders over the cabals, I think, but keep my mouth shut. We still have to get out of here, and it wouldn't hurt to have a potential ally here._

 

_"Of *course*," I say, bowing my head again. "Nobody wants that..."_

 

_Actually, it sounds like *fun*, if I had a whim to watch the vampire world burn..._

_But far more fun and valuable to hold over all Elders like a hammer collectively poised over their heads for eternity. Especially once they understand if anything happens to me or Sebastian, I will have taken steps for the secret to be disseminated far and wide. I have to keep myself from giggling madly, I just take your hand and squeeze._

 

_The Elder notes this and turns to you. "And as the kin of such a powerful Maker, as well as having such skills of destruction at your disposal, you will be a force to be reckoned with. You are both in an excellent position to negotiate for your safety, unless of course you're determined to destroy the cabal," he says wryly. "Which I would hardly counsel you against, although it would be somewhat reckless. London's cabal is very old and very powerful, and *not*, you'll find, as easy to tear through as we were." He raises an eyebrow. "Obviously, we'll have to take measures to bolster our defences, increase our numbers, the usual... it won't be the first time I've had to rebuild from the ground up..."_

 

_"What's your name?" I ask. If we're not going to kill him, it would be a good thing to know._

 

_"Mátyás... of course nobody in this new world can pronounce such a thing, all two syllables of it," he rolls his eyes. "So Matteo is has become..."_

 

_"Lord Matteo - how is it you are so reasonable compared to all the Elders I've had the misfortune to meet?" I ask delicately. I actually am curious, but as always I'm on the lookout for useful information._

 

_He has a faraway look in his eye. "My Maker..." he says softly. "... he was a rare breed. He was kind to me, and an Elder of honour, rare as this may seem..."_

 

_"You loved him.." I hear myself saying. "Is that why - you tried to save us?"_

 

_He looks at me through hooded eyes. "You young ones.. always feel the need to talk about everything..." he says with a lofty smile. He pauses, and looks at you. "I have never talked to anyone about him since he was destroyed. Yes, I loved him. We walked this earth for centuries together before he was killed in one of the battles with the London cabal. I have my own reasons for siding with a monster like Titiana... there's an Elder there who I've never been able to reach. If you ever find a way to get a hold of Lord Gabor... I would be very interested in this information..." he gives me a savage smile, and I find myself grinning back._

 

_Then I look back at you and stare into your eyes - I can't imagine losing you and going on... but the drive for revenge in vampires clearly runs deep._

 

_"Lord Gabor... I met him briefly but I remember him..." I say in a soft, dangerous purr. "We'll see what we can do..."_

 

 

I beam with pride at Matteo's words - of _course_ you are something special. You were uniquely powerful as a human, it makes sense that you would be so as a vampire as well. So - does that mean that I'll be similar to the human I was as well? Will I be stronger and faster than normal vampires even after the newbornness has worn off? I guess I'll have to see - will I have to train still, or will my body stay like it was at the moment of death? That would be awfully convenient - I spent a lot of time in the gym to keep on top of my game. I guess cardio can go...

Oh and I'll have to start drinking blood as well - meaning we'll have to lure two people every day and get rid of the bodies. So we'll have to be somewhere where your network operates - who knows, we could tie in with my job. The amount of times I'm asked to make someone _disappear_ \- it wouldn't sustain us, but it would supply us with an income.

I'm torn from my reveries when Matteo speaks my name. "Sebastian - could you get me that book from the top shelf? The fifth one from the right, with the black spine?"

I reach up, take the book down. It looks ancient - seventeenth century I'd say. The title is too faded to read.

He puts it on a lectern and opens it. Latin handwriting; not my area of expertise - though I do recall you said you knew Latin. He beckons us over, points at a page. I look politely, but your eyes are scanning the lines eagerly.

"Erzsébet didn't name herself after the Countess Bathory - she _is_ the Countess. You may know the story of how she died, was buried, but then her body was moved because the villagers didn't want her in their churchyard; and now no one knows where her body is. Well - it's in London, ruling the cabal. It was a stroke of genius as well as showing her particular recklessness that she kept her name when she emerged from hiding...

She was one of the most powerful vampires of her time, a time when many were solitary, wild, hidden; though there were a few, very secret organizations, trying to work on - well - civilizing vampirekind. However, she was putting our people in grave danger - we'd always worked in the dark, literally, but she was reckless - drunk on her worldly power, as well as her strong vampire abilities, including the rare power of being able to walk in daylight, she thought herself invulnerable.

At that time most of vampirekind was concentrated in Eastern Europe, and several of the organized groups got together to express their concern - people were terrified of her, rumours of her torturing and killing girls were getting more and more widespread, and several of those said that she ate her victims or drank their blood. If she was arrested and found out to be more than human, all of us were in danger.

So the vampires started to gather together – formed the first cabal – in order to make her see reason, or kill her. They tried negotiating – but she wouldn’t listen and laughed at the envoys, calling them ignorant peasants, so they started plotting against her.

One of the cabal’s strongest men managed to get into her bedroom at night – she got herself used to sleeping in the night – with a stake to drive through her heart. She woke up, however, and tore him to pieces.

She realized it was only a matter of time until someone would succeed, and hatched the plan of letting the humans put her to death instead of the vampires. She was immured in Čachtice Castle and died there, then was buried, and then her body was dug up, a stake put through her heart, and reburied in her birth town. Or so the vampires believed, because they had sent someone out to do it and she said she had. No one knows what Erzsébet offered her to lie – but she did, and took the secret to her own grave three centuries later.

The cabal decided that this was a risk that shouldn’t face us again, and ruled that it would be the Law that vampires were organized in cabals, overseen by a sodality, ruled by a committee of Elders, so no one vampire could get into such a powerful and compromising position ever again.

They set out to find lone vampires and ask, or force, them to join a cabal. Most did, because there is strength in numbers, and it’s much easier to keep your existence hidden if you have help. The cabals grew, new ones were created, some split off, some fought – the usual. We’re not that different from humans in some respects.

Then when a new and very powerful vampire queen came up in Britain, and she took the name Erzsébet, many weren’t aware that that was a name with bad history behind it, and those who were, didn’t think it prudent to mention it.

She grew to power quickly, got into disputes with many of the Old World cabals, which eventually led to some of them moving to the New World – one of which was ours.

Erzsébet is immensely powerful, and older than most of us – but many cabals hate her, because she’s – well – insane. She abuses her position, enjoys torturing young girls, is manipulative, sadistic, and power-hungry, always looking to infringe on others’ territory. The reason many people loved Titiana, despite her obvious flaws, was that she had actively stood up to her.

I got my hands on this book a few years ago. I didn’t tell Titiana yet – she’d want to launch an attack straightaway and I wanted to bide my time, come up with a strategy. I’ve worked out how most of the European cabals interact, which ones are likely to join in an- uprising against Erzsébet, which ones are likely to stay aside, who is still alive who will remember her. I can get you those notes.”

He is silent, looks at you. Your eyes are gleaming - you're loving this.

 

 

_Now we're finally getting to it... the information that I can wield as a weapon against the London cabal. The tattered book that you place on the lectern practically screams 'dark secrets, not for prying eyes'. (Oh, my sweetheart... you can show yourself to *me*. I'll treasure your secrets like diamonds and gold...)_

_Matteo doesn't play coy - he launches right into the cold, black heart of the matter._

_The vampire queen of London... is the real Erzsébet??_

_The mad bitch who decreed that I should die horribly is *the Blood Countess*?_

_I listen enraptured to Matteo's tale... it all makes sense now. The rigid hierarchies of the cabals, their insistence on submission to their decrees..._

_All due to Erzsébet - a mad, power-hungry sadist, but one who has survived for centuries despite the odds... grudging admiration peeks through my hatred. Hm. I don't know what to do with this information yet, but I tuck it away lovingly for future use._

_Perhaps I should suggest a parlay... once she understands what's at stake (hah), I suspect she'd welcome an invitation to tea._

_"Oh my, Matteo... you do *not* disappoint," I say glowingly. "You have my assurance that I will see what I can do about arranging an *opportunity* for you with Gabor as soon as possible. As for Erzsébet's little secret, well - you're right, this is exactly what I need to broker a deal, if she's sane enough to act in a way that assures her safety. If not..." I grin madly. "Well, that's a story for another day..."_

_I turn to you. "Darling... suddenly I'm rather homesick... shall we continue our honeymoon back in the UK?”_

 


	29. Blood & Fire

Now I bleed for you - burn for me

Perhaps I was just dreaming

When I think these things had real meaning

You don't know what I've been through

Just want to put my love in you

Love eternal

Lust infernal

Bleeding, burning

Needing, yearning

 

 

That is - Countess Báthory??! I remember reading about her - speculations about what she was like, whether she actually committed the atrocities or was the victim of a conspiracy against her - and - she's still - alive - eh - _around_?!

The history student I was, a long time ago, is beside himself. _I could have a chat with Countess Báthory!!!_

The veteran is shaking his head, saying _You better be damn careful around her. She is obviously immensely powerful, and she wants Jim dead. And Jim seems - fascinated by her more than anything. Protect him, soldier._

And the husband is - disappointed - _Cut off our honeymoon already? We've only been married for three days... and I don't think the day I spent dead technically counts._

But it's probably wise to make a tactical retreat from Nevada... there might be some friends of Titiana who are less than keen on our presence. But to immediately go to London to get together with the Countess Báthory, exciting though it may be, doesn't sound too enticing either...

"Jim... I understand, but - I've only just become a vampire. I don't know what that entails. I may need some time to adjust, to come into my strength, to work out what I can do now I can't shoot people. Could we - take two nights out, maybe? Go somewhere - Liberia, maybe. I'd like to - walk down the beach with you... look at the stars..."

 

 

_You seem... intrigued at first and then... disappointed??_

_I shake myself out of my intoxication at the thought of a tea party with the Blood Countess._

 

_"Sebbie! Of *course*," I say, horrified. "I only meant we should leave America. I thought we could find somewhere to lay low in England, but we can absolutely go to Liberia or anywhere you want. And *not* just for two days - however long it takes, my darling..." I stroke your face._

 

_Matteo smiles at us both, but has a sad faraway look in his eye. Poor thing, still missing his love, after all this time... I wonder if one of the new Elders will be to his liking... how do vampires meet other vampires if there are no suitable matches in their cabal? Is there a vampire dating app? Idly I watch a logarithm starting to form in my mind map, and I quickly shove the equation into the Mad Ideas/For Further Consideration sub-folder._

_I lean forward and kiss your lips. "There's nothing I want more..." I whisper to you, "...than to continue my honeymoon with the love of my life... We just have the small matter of getting out of here alive. Well, not more dead..."_

 

_Matteo stands. "I can help with that. I'll call a meeting to discuss the future of the cabal. I'll say you've escaped, and I've sent vampires after you - ones that are already dead, of course. While we're in the Great Hall, you can leave using the secret exit only the Elders know about. And as I'm the only one..." he smiles. "You shouldn't encounter any difficulties. The meeting will begin at midnight - see to it that you're ready to leave then. Bring weapons, just in case..."_

 

_He looks at you and hesitates for a moment. "It doesn't excuse anything, but - I'm very sorry for what transpired here..." he says, and touches your arm briefly. "Had I been stronger after my Maker's death, I would have challenged Titiana with more effectiveness... but I was a broken shell for a very long time and didn't live up to my responsibilities. The new cabal will be different. I will bring in Elders who see eye to eye with me, and not just ruthless monsters. Now - I must gather what’s left of my brethren. I wish you both the very best in your life together."_

_He crosses to the door, and looks back. "I'll bring you some clothes, you may need them for the flight," he says with a wink._

_And then he's gone._

 

 

You stroke my hair, look into my eyes.

Don’t, Jim. Not now. We are still in enemy territory. I must stay in soldier mode and if you’re being too sweet I’ll get confused.

I turn away, look around the room. We need to hide. And we need arms. This place is full of bookshelves, and I doubt anyone is going to go searching out some old book tonight, so here should do, but we need to get some weapons from the armoury.

I suggest I go alone, but you look daggers at me, so we go together and pick up some swords and knives, silver for you and steel for unprotected me.

I also lift two of the vampires we killed over my shoulder, so they can be the ones Matteo sent after us, you take their heads, and we make our way back to the library. I hope he comes back soon... I’m dying to get out of here.

 

 

_I keep shooting worried looks at you, and hoping you don't notice. I have no idea how you're handling all this... the trauma of dying and feeling your spirit pour back into your vampire body cannot be understated... and then you have the trauma of rape by an evil undead queen to carry in your psyche... Jesus. I thought my turning was hardship enough. Although I know very well the wounds that sexual violation carries..._

_Troubled, I realize I need to share with you my story at some point - perhaps knowing I understand will help you a little. I shiver, despite myself - *there's* a conversation I was hoping to not have..._

_But there's *nothing* I wouldn't do to make things better for you._

_And *at least* on some level you already wanted to become a vampire, so you could protect me and be with me always - it wasn't thrust upon you without former knowledge that vampirism even existed..._

_We make our preparations in hushed silence, and by the time we bring weapons and bodies into the library, it's not long before Matteo arrives with a pile of clothes. His eyes flicker over you as you pull on leather trousers, a loose grey linen shirt, and sturdy, polished boots. The fit is good - you look like a powerful and elegant death machine. And I can't help wanting to lunge at Matteo for how he keeps looking at you. Jesus... do I now have to guard you against the attention of vampires looking for *mates*?_

_"They were my Maker's clothes... I've held onto them long enough. Time to step into the present and behave like a ruling Elder..." he says simply, and hands me keys. "For the van. Tinted windows, of course. I put your phone and wallet in there. I'll tell you how to get to the secret exit, but I suppose I don't need to tell you - we'll have to find new accommodations now. But I for one look forward to a fresh start. Thank you for what you've done for us, my dears..."_

_He turns to leave, and pauses at the door. "Oh, and one more thing... if I learn you're assisting the Blood Countess with what you've learned about us..." His eyes glow red briefly, and lips curl into a smile. "- and I do have my ways - well, I suppose you'd find out my powers after all. And I've had centuries to hone them, and gather my strength. I rather look forward to using them again when the occasion suits." He winks, looking younger than before._

_"But you have nothing to fear as long as you leave me and mine alone. Now, go - when we next meet, I hope it shall be over Gabor's severed head. And my thanks will carry with it great riches..." He bows his head. "Protect each other, my dears. And may fortune ever favour your boldness..."_

_And with that, he sweeps from the room. I smile at you. "Nothing like having a potential powerful mortal enemy to ally with... my Empire was built on this in life, now it shall be built even stronger in death."_

_My eyes soften as I reach out for your hand. "Ready, Sebbie?"_

 

 

It would be just like you to befriend Erzsébet Báthory...

"Yeah, ready," I reply, gird on my weapons, lift the two vampires over my shoulder, follow you into the tunnel, then down an alley to a black van. You open the back, I throw in the two dead vampires, you throw in the heads. I get behind the wheel. You object that you can drive, but I say I want to, and you let me.

I need to remain in soldier mode for as long as I can, and doing something will help. I don't know what will happen when it gets light. I want to be as secure as possible, with you.

"It's a four-hour drive to Los Angeles. Can you look up a place where we can spend the day undisturbed and book it? Is there anything else that's likely to happen to me? How am I going to feel when the sun comes up?"

 

 

_I pick up my phone, that Matteo helpfully left in the front seat - I want to get rid of it as soon as possible, just in case. But not quite yet._

_“Until you get used to waking up a vampire, it tends to be a rather... feral experience,” I say carefully. “You’ll likely feel panicky and aggressive. But don’t worry, the bond will keep you from hurting me.” Just not necessarily from hurting anyone else... or the hotel room that we find ourselves in. I’ll have to be ready to stop you if you scent humans passing by our room when you wake up. Fuck it - I’m booking a penthouse suite with a private lift. LA with all its celebrities will be full of exclusive hotels focussed on privacy. We’ll be more likely to leave the city without you draining an entire band on tour, and their manager for dessert._

_I observe the vicinity as the van pulls out onto the road. No one is chasing after us, being summoned to a gathering with their only surviving Elder... Matteo planned our escape well._

_“So far, so good...” I say, still feeling tense. I won’t be able to relax until we’re on the aeroplane, and out of reach... and then safely ensconced wherever we decide to go..._

 

 

Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it... but I'm immensely relieved that you say I won't attack you.

You're fiddling with your phone looking for a hotel as I drive through town, back to the desert.

It isn't until we are well underway, and I relax a bit more, that I realize that I can see as clearly as if it were day. Not that it looks like day - it looks definitely like night, only the night has so many more nuances than I'd ever been able to see before.

And - it's -

 _beautiful_.

It's all I can do not to stop the car to just go and gape at the sheer magnificence of the stars, the silver sand of the desert, the countless shades of the rocks, the subtle silver green of the plants -

I realize my mouth is hanging open.

 

 

_You're silent as you drive... I'm going to give you the space you need to process everything that's happened - especially acclimatizing to being in a vampire body. No unnecessary questions... no obtrusive check-ins... I'll wait until you say something, and then I'll respond accordingly._

_Why aren't you saying anything??_

_I glance over and see you staring out at the desert, your mouth open. And I remember - the beauty of the night the first time you see it - when you *really* see it like only a vampire can._

_How enchanting it is, like you've stumbled upon an entrance to a secret pleasure garden you didn't know existed..._

_How *bewitching* it is, seducing the very blood in your veins, singing to you like a siren to come out and play..._

_how it's so achingly beautiful, you think you might burst into bright red tears... and you find yourself afraid that if you look for too long, your heart might crack into shards of gleaming obsidian..._

_I touch your hand on the steering wheel, and say softly, "I never thought you'd see what I see, Sebbie..."_

 

 

"It's..."

Words fail me.

I have to keep driving, have to get us safe. I will have more nights. Many more nights, hopefully. I can go and gaze at the beauty another time. I can look out of the window for now.

But there's nothing I'd love more than to stop the car and step outside with you, holding your hand, walking through this mystical landscape, gaze at the gazillion diamonds that make up the sand of the desert, listen to the heartbeat of the earth, read the stories of the rocks...

A movement to my left and my eyes swivel - a gopher running across a stretch of sand, disappearing under a rock. I can see every detail - its dark eyes, its little tail -

I pull my eyes back to the road, concentrate on driving. Fortunately it's quiet and straight - I keep seeing things and getting distracted. My vision appears to have improved beyond just night-vision - I can see much further and things are less fast - or I am faster I guess - see faster? I don't know but I have to concentrate to not get distracted. I feel like a cat in a room with too much stimulation - ears and eyes swivelling.

 

 

_My poor brave soldier... locked in your own mind, incapable of reaching out for comfort..._

_I really can't take this pain away from you??_

_I want to scream in anguish, beat at the windows with my fists until they're bloody._

_We were *so happy* in our warm little bubble..._

_until we were literally snatched away from it, and plunged into a cold and merciless sea._

_Tossed about in her waves like toys... she *took* you from me, *drowned* you in her murky depths..._

_and even though I found a way, against all odds, to drag you back to shore... to bring you back to *me*, to *us*..._

_you are still lost to the dark waves, to the inky deep..._

_Where are *we*, my love? Will we ever find our way back?_

_The silence is a vice and I have to be free..._

_I scroll through my music, and create a playlist for the drive. Then I press play and close my eyes as music washes over me._

 

In the velvet darkness

Of the blackest night

Burning bright

There's a guiding star

No matter what or who you are

 

_I lean my head back against the seat and feel the words pulling at me like a spell... drawing us towards the sanctuary we so desperately need._

 

There's a light

(Over at the Frankenstein Place)

There's a light

(Burning in the fireplace)

There's a light

Light in the darkness of everybody's life

 

 

You play music which also sounds enchanting and it almost gets too much - I try to ignore it, shut it out - I can shut out noise, what's wrong with me? But I can't - it's just shouting for attention, and keeps trying to get me to focus on it -

"Jim - I'm sorry, can you switch the music off? I'm getting - some kind of sensory overload - I can see so much more than before, I keep getting distracted, the smell of blood on both of us is overpowering, and the music - it's beautiful, but it's just too much -"

"Of course - I'm sorry, Seb..." you say, switch the music off, but then you seem to be brooding in silence. Well - I'm sorry, Jim. I can't deal with that right now. I have to get us to LA, that is my mission. When we get there - we'll see. I'll probably want a drink. Or two.

But first - get my man to safety.

 

 

_But I *needed* that..._

_No, Jimmy - give Sebastian whatever he asks for._

_But... *I watched you die*..._

_Horribly, callously, savagely..._

_I listened to your heart slow until it stopped..._

_I fell asleep lying on your dead body..._

_And I keep remembering it, and blaming myself for all of it._

_And now we ride in silence... and I’m locked in my mind like a prisoner._

_Fuck... this is not good..._

_This way lies my madness... and how am I going to be sweet and caring if Moriarty takes over??_

_I sink lower into my seat as Queen songs manically cycle through my head and I try desperately to hold on to myself._

 

 

We need to wash ourselves. We are covered in blood and it's doing my head in. And you're fucking _brooding_ and that is doing my head in as well. And I am thirsty again and _that_ is doing my head in.

"Jim." You look at me - you don't look calm. Why are you not calm? You're the experienced bloody vampire here. I'm only an experienced bloody soldier and I _would_ stay calm but your uncalmness is leaking through to me and everything looks _different_ and _for fuck's sake, soldier, keep it together_!!

"We need to wash. I wish I had thought of that and got back to find our car - it had wet wipes and clean clothes. We can't get to a hotel like this - we need to find water somewhere, but we're in a blooming desert."

You dig under the chair - there are two bottles of water.

"It's a start, but your clothes are covered in blood - you'll need to change clothes. Also - you need to eat. You haven't drunk since last night, have you?"

 

 

_I close my eyes and cover my face. "No. There were more important things going on..."_

_Fuck. No wonder I'm falling apart. Normally going a couple of days without blood is fine - I never ate that much as a human either, and somehow got in the habit of keeping myself alive through willpower alone._

_But I've gone through such emotional trauma... and physical fatigue from battling vampires and being in survival mode since they took us..._

_and then *turning you*... it seemed so simple, but the amount of focus and energy and formidable will it took -_

_"I'm tired, Sebbie..." I whisper. "I'm so tired..."_

_Then I open my eyes and look at you - my beautiful husband who was reborn a vampire mere hours ago... my brave soldier, so clearly struggling to keep it together._

_My jaw sets. "I'm sorry. Yes. I need blood. When we snatch a couple of humans to drink, we can take their clothes until we find something more suitable..." I say with distaste as I imagine us checking into a hotel wearing unattractive, ill-fitting clothing smelling of humans. The sheer misery of being trapped in those clothes until stores open, or Amazon delivers - we need something to make us feel *more* like ourselves, not *less*!_

_"Or -"_

_I see a picture unfold in my mind. "We can break into a store and find something more appropriate for a fabulous criminal mastermind and his ex-special forces bodyguard. Far more suitable for two gorgeous newlywed vampires... There will be plenty of shops in the area of the hotel. And there will be employee facilities in the back - we can use the sink and actual soap to wash up."_

_I straighten up in my seat. "So that's the plan. When we stop for dinner, I plan to be dressed for the occasion..."_

 

 

You're saying how tired you are and for a moment I think you'll faint - but no. You admit you need blood, as do I, state a plan that I had half-formed as well - find some humans, kill them, drink their blood, nick their clothes - but then you change your mind –

you want to go _clothes shopping_!? Well - proletarian shopping.

You - that is _so you_ that I break out in laughter.

"Sure. It's about an hour left to LA, find a shop that suits you - pun not intended - and we'll get ourselves some new outfits. You know, when you said you wanted to get me new clothes, I didn't expect to have to break in and _steal_ them..."

You laugh, which makes me feel relieved - just a few more hours, then we'll be clean, fed, and in a hotel. Stop being _weak_ , soldier. You've been in worse situations. Why is this affecting you so much? No - stop. Don't start thinking about things, or it'll get worse. Analysis after. In the hotel. Now - keep driving. Keep Jim safe. Get to destination, get in, do your thing, get out. You've done hundreds of missions like that. This is just one more. An easy one, as there aren't likely to be people with guns in the store.

Concentrate on the road. One mile at a time. No danger. All is well.

 

 

_You burst out laughing which sends a thrill of pleasure shooting through me. God - to see your face break into a smile, and see it flood with light... and then crack a joke? I laugh too and some tension leaves my shoulders. I gaze at you, grinning._

_When you return to focusing on the road, I quietly slip into my mind map. I can't fall apart - you need me. And I will be strong for you. The best way I know how - I'll rest here in the one place where I have always found refuge. I let the mind map unfold slowly into a holographic web of light - then I pluck threads of data as I assess how information from the last few days has been stored._

_the wars between cabals..._

_the origin of the cabals..._

_*Countess Báthory*..._

_I stroke these threads lovingly, watch them quiver and reverberate through the web..._

_Oh, Erzsébet, darling... I thought I would be plotting to kill you. But perhaps our story has just begun..._

 

 

You're lost in thought again but I don't get a sense of brooding - more a thinking, organizing, planning. That's good. I hope you have a plan. I don't.

We drive the rest of the way to LA and I'm in not a great state when we get to town. I'm not unfamiliar with being physically and mentally exhausted and still keeping going - usually it's enough to focus on the mission and to not let the body or mind collapse until it's over; but I struggle. The thirst for blood is stronger than any other bodily need I used to have and I have a very hard time not thinking about it constantly. My body is nearly trembling and damn it I do not _tremble_! I'm a fucking _sniper_! Stay _with_ it, Moran!

I see a man cross the road and walk into a side street. Immediately I swerve the car round to follow him. It's quiet and dark - I stop the van, jump out. He starts running, but I'm on him in no time and drag him into the back of the van, drive my fangs into his throat - oh god _finally_...

 

 

_I manage to distance myself from my hunger as we drive, but you - you are another story. You're a newborn vampire, dealing with trauma... you need blood. *As soon as possible*._

_But I don't need to tell you this - you are well aware. The further we get into the city, the more feral you look. And then you spot your prey..._

_I watch as the van barrels down the street... and you jump out like a predatory cat, and it's so fucking beautiful, I can only watch with my mouth open - as you lunge at your prey, drag his kicking body back, and tear into his throat._

_Oh... *Sebastian*..._

_I'm twisted in my seat, staring wordlessly at the act of savagery._

_I hear a low rumble in your throat- more growl-like than my purring sound when I feed. But, *oh*... is this what it was like to watch me..._

_I could watch this forever..._

_Except... *hungry*..._

_You throw the body aside and look at me, eyes glowing._

_“*Want*...” I growl, and my eyes flare red._

 

 

God I needed that - all other thoughts disappear from my brain, which is _not good_ soldier, you are in enemy territory - kind of - but the door to the van is shut, no one will see me, and I am _so_ hungrythirsty - it's incomparable to either of those - it's so _intense…_

I drink and drink and drink until I can't get a drop more out of him.

I look up, see you staring at us, hunger in your eyes - and once not for me. Oh of course - you need to eat too. I can't believe I was so selfish - but I _needed_ it so badly -

I guess we'll have to find someone else. I get out of the van, look around, but the streets are deserted. I look at myself - I have blood everywhere again. I will have to learn to eat less messily, like you do...

I get into the front of the van. "I'm sorry - I was half-crazed with hunger - I didn't think of you at all..."

 

 

_I stroke your arm. "You're new..." I say simply. "The hunger is - all-consuming. You'll learn to manage it, just as I did... I can wait a bit longer. Drive, and we'll find someone else. It's LA," I say wryly._

_And we do... a few minutes later you spot two men staggering drunkenly. Ah - shades of Las Vegas. I look meaningfully at you, and you park the van. We stumble drunkenly, laughing amongst ourselves until we cross paths with the two men - then both are knocked on the head and dragged to the van. One is unconscious, and one is in a stupor - I take the unconscious one. The need for hunting will be so strong in you..._

_I push him at you. "Drink, darling..." I whisper, and sink my fangs into the limp body in my arms._

 

 

Oh - oh god yes!! I feel like a starving cat - pounce on the guy, hold him down as he struggles, sink my fangs into his neck... I moan with delight. Am I ever going to not be starved? You say it gets less... I hope so. At the moment I’d be happy to drain LA dry.

I’m less crazed than just now, and can taste what I’m doing more - this guy tastes different from the guy earlier; I can taste the alcohol; he smoked a cigarette tonight- oh - do I need a cigarette? - his blood is thinner, lighter, than the other guy’s - was it because the other was older? So much to learn - but for now I’m good. I feel less hungry, thirsty, frantic.

I sit back and sigh. I realize I have to breathe in to do that - oh yes. Breath. No longer required.

I look at you. How are you coping? You seem better after your drink.

I want to hug you, kiss you, but I’m afraid I’ll come undone and we can’t have that. Soldier.

 

 

_I lean my head back against the wall of the van, letting the euphoria of the blood wash through me. "Better, Tiger?" I ask, and you nod._

_"Good. Now - we should at least wear their jackets when we break into a store to cover up the blood. We can wear their hats to cover our faces. We'll disable the alarm and any security cameras. I don't know about you, but I'm more than ready for my new ensemble, and then to rest in a hotel with room service - I'm sure we'll need a drink or two or eight. Ready to go, darling?"_

_I pull off the jackets, throw you one and climb into the front seat with the other. "Straight men and their fashion decisions..." I grumble, shaking my head as I study the design. "Really, Sebbie... does nobody have standards anymore?"_

 

 

I squeeze myself into the jacket, which is small for me, put on the fedora. "You should be glad. If they hadn't been wearing these awful hats we'd have had to snatch some guys with hoodies or something."

We're collecting quite the body count in the back of the van. I do hope you have people who can help you get rid of them in LA.

I get back in the front, let you guide me to an alley down the back of a shop. You fiddle with the alarm while I fiddle with the lock, and we manage to get inside without incident, finding ourselves in a storage room. You disappear into a corner and emerge after a moment, declaring the cameras switched off.

The room is dark, but I can see just fine - that's good, saves us from having to make light. It looks perfect - clothes sorted by size in pile after pile and rack after rack - even you should be able to find something to wear in here.

I find a kitchen, where we take turns washing ourselves and each other, at least enough to look halfway decent when wearing clothes. I kind of knew how impossible it is to get blood off everything, but I don't think I've ever been as blood-soaked as I am now, including when I was shot myself. Finally we both look presentable, put on kitchen gloves, and go in search of outfits. I choose a black shirt, just to be sure.

 

 

_I paw through rack after rack, letting out sounds of dismay and displeasure. It’s a high-end store, but the styles are different here - LA chic is all wrong for me. I keep adding to my pile of options until finally it’s time to try them on. I flip on the sound system in the back, and try various options to softly playing music. I’m feeling more and more disheartened as I try on clothes that don’t feel right. Then the second song begins to play and my lips part in surprise._

 

Pressure, pushing down on me,

pressing down on you, no man ask for.

Under pressure that burns a building down,

splits a family in two, puts people on streets.

 

_I sing softly along with Freddie and David, then pluck out some pieces from the bottom of the pile._

 

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about.

Watching some good friends screaming, "let me out".

Tomorrow takes me higher, higher, high!

Pressure on people, people on streets.

 

_I slide on a designer white v-neck t-shirt, black trousers and a grey jacket, and regard myself in the mirror._

 

Turned away from it all like a blind man.

Sat on a fence, but it don't work.

Keep comin' up with love, but it's so slashed and torn.

Why, why, why?

 

I look into my eyes in the mirror. You * _will*_ get Sebastian through this, I tell myself _firmly. You will give him all the time he needs. Everything he needs. And you will *not* be selfish... unduly selfish._

 

_Then I stare at my ensemble, satisfied. And you *will* be beautiful and fabulous as you do._

 

_I emerge from the room like a rock star stepping on stage._

 

Love (love, love, love, love).

Insanity laughs, under pressure we're cracking.

 

_I stride across the store to where you wait for me, dressed in your new clothes and already looking more like your old self - but even more dangerous. My eyes light up._

 

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?

Why can't we give love that one more chance?

Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love,

give love, give love, give love, give love, give love.

 

_My arms move around you, and my head rests on your strong shoulder. “You look perfect, darling,” I say lightly. “Now if my ensemble is up to snuff, then let’s be on our way.”_

 

 

I've got my clothes sorted in ten minutes - a suit, casual clothes, underwear, socks - but you are browsing through pile after pile and rack after rack, looking more and more miserable - what the hell, Jim?

And then you disappear into the break room with a huge pile and - put on music!? What is this, us getting ready for a night out? We're breaking in Jim - we got five bodies in the back of the van Jim - we don't have any guns, Jim -

But I don't have the heart to tell you this. You looked so serious when you went into that break room - like you were going to break if you didn't find the right clothes to keep you together.

You are taking your time though. When should I go in to check on you?

Just as I'm about to go look round the corner you emerge, looking absolutely _amazing_.

You put your arms around me, tell me I look perfect - oh, I am _so_ relieved, Jim, that was _all_ I was worrying about - but then you speak the magic words - be on our way.

You pack your chosen clothes into a bag, I gather all the blood-stained towels from the kitchen, throw them in a bin liner, wipe the surfaces we touched before we put on gloves, and we make our way outside, where I throw the bin bag into the back of the van.

"Jim," I ask, as we're driving again, "do you have any contacts here? We have five bodies to get rid of... two of which are vampires."

 

 

_"Darling," I sigh, "I have contacts *everywhere*... and if I don't, then I have contacts who will have contacts... although we did run into some problems with outsourcing in Vegas. If we want, we could just find an abandoned area and set the van on fire - it would destroy all traces of us - we won't be connected to the remains they find. Yes?" I point down a dark street. "Looks like there's a lovely park down there... shall we spruce it up with a bonfire?"_

 

 

Of course. Fire. Great idea. We can just get our bags, light the thing up, walk to a hotel, or get a taxi.

Wait.

"Do you have money?"

You nod. "Matteo got me my wallet as well as my phone. I even have my credit card and driving licence."

I scowl. "I wish he had got mine as well - and my gun. I'll have to get another one - I assume your contacts can get me one? I _know_ they're not very effective against vampires, I just feel better if I have one, OK?"

 

 

_"Of course, we can get whatever you need," I reassure you. "I'll place an order for a passport, ID and gun for you. And we have our silver weapons, we'll take those. Too bad we don't still have the sword - you were masterful, darling! - but that would be a little conspicuous for wandering around LA and checking into a hotel. Oh, look - there's a little area to park right there. Unless you want to drive right in and set the van on fire in the playground?" I grin. "We could leave a cryptic message on the slide, really leave the police scratching their heads..."_

_All the anguish of the past day is making me act out, but it feels good. *Really* good. My Moriarty side needs his fun, too..._

 

 

"Let's do it in the playground," I decide. "If we burn it in the car park other cars may get too hot and alarms will go off and we don't want that."

You get the bags out of the van as I empty the water bottles and siphon petrol from the tank into them, then douse the interior of the van with it, siphon some more, splash it over the exterior.

Of _course_ we don't have a lighter. Why would we have a lighter?!

I manage to short-circuit the battery without it exploding, and the petrol lights up.

We walk off.

"Where is this hotel you found?"

I pray it is nearby.

 

 

_I hand over my phone and show you the location. I can see the glow of the fire against the screen. "I found us the perfect place! This is the kind of place rock stars and their entourages go... and make all the noise they want, because the suites are soundproofed. Perfect for us. It's a townhouse suite in a hotel - basically a separate apartment. Two levels, blackout windows, deep-soaking tub... 2000 square feet including a private terrace... lots of room and privacy to rest there, but still close enough to the action that we can hunt. It's a bit far to walk... but we can call an Uber once we get to a busier area a few minutes from here..."_

_You nod and start to walk. I grab your hand and follow you. This lack of contact is driving me crazy. I hope being in a beautiful, safe environment will help you... I miss our connection *so much*... I want to fall into bed and sleep curled around you for a week._

 

 

I am hungry again...is this ever going to lessen? Will I just become a rampaging monster trailing LA at night ripping out throats?

Mmmm... throats...

“Jim - before we get to the hotel - is it alright if I grab someone else? Try to not get blood all over me? I’m just - so hungry - is that normal for new vampires?”

 

 

_"Of course you can have some more lovely blood, darling..." I soothe. "It's normal for newborns to be hungry - but you're especially prone because you've been in survival mode ever since you were turned... no wonder you need so much! Blood strengthens... blood nourishes... blood heals... you'll feel stronger after you drink, Tiger. Good thing you’re wearing black... but do be mindful of spilling or splashing," I say delicately. "You'll probably be very *enthused*..."_

_I turn and see a woman walking alone... and then, a man coming out from behind a house and following her. "Oh look, Sebbie! You can either have two, or rescue one and drink the other... decisions, decisions..."_

 

 

“I think I'll have both. I don't want to have to go out again once we're in the hotel.

You get the lady, I'll get the bloke," I say, move in, grab the guy, put my hand over his mouth, pull him into an alley, bite him, try to cover the wound with my mouth as I drink so the blood doesn't go everywhere. It's good, so good... his blood tastes darker than the others', some chemical taste - meth? - but I'm too thirsty to care.

You've spoken to the lady and she's just calmly resting in your arms. I feel a wholly irrational pang of jealousy - good grief Seb, he's _holding your dinner_ \- and when I finish the guy she lets herself be picked up by me willingly, her face a bit dazed. Her blood tastes off as well - also some chemical, but it tastes different - heroin maybe, she looked like an addict. I do wonder if all this will have an effect on me? The last thing I want after a night like tonight is to get high - I want a drink or twenty and to be alone with you.

I'm feeling full - that's probably a good sign. I hope I won't get hungry again tonight.

We hide the bodies and you clean me up - "I do feel like a newborn, having his mummy clean his face after a messy eat," I grin wryly.

 

 

_I give you a scathing grin. "Wet-wipes are a vampire's bestie. Never go hunting with-o-o-out them!" I sing, as if filming an advertisement, and make claw-motions with my hands._

_"Once we have access to a mirror, you can take care charge of your grooming again. Good thing we have reflections - God, what if that myth were *true*? Can you *imagine*, Sebbie!" I look at you with a theatrical look of horror. "Daddy wouldn't like... not one bit."_

_I regard you assessingly. "Picture-perfect, darling. Let's go, I'm dying for a drink and Egyptian cotton sheets." I grasp your hand again, and we walk quietly to the location we had decided on. Are you still overwhelmed by your vampire senses? By the beauty of the night? All I can think about is how much I miss you, and how the enemies that stand between us now are purely of the psyche and the heart... you coming to terms with everything that happened in a twenty-four hour period from hell. A day has changed *everything*... and questions are popping up in my mind like moths flitting madly near a flame, and then igniting. *CracklePfft*_

_Will you be able to face everything that happened?_

_Will I be able to help you when my own mental health is hanging on by a *thread*..._

_and the worst question of all..._

_Will you love me as a vampire?_

_*SingePfft*_

_I blink. Oh *god*... you will, won't you??_

 

 

You summon a car and we get in. I am no longer hungry but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable - I feel very self-conscious with a person there - a human, I guess I should call him - keep worrying I'll do something too fast or too strongly and we'll have to kill him before we get to our destination.

Fortunately he largely ignores us and we get to the hotel in a short time. You head to reception, talk about a reservation, get a card, and we enter the lift. Top floor. Lift opens directly into the apartment, which is huge. Looks expensive, but for once, I don't care.

I head straight for the minibar. Except this is indeed a rock star hotel - the minibar is a proper bar, with proper bottles of whisky instead of those dollhouse ones you get normally. I don't even bother with a glass, just put the bottle to my mouth and neck it.

It still tastes the same. Thank fuck.

 

 

_God, I’m so glad I found this place... a remote cabin in the woods might be better suited to your temperament at the moment, but - we need to be near humans. Lots of them, if your thirst tonight was anything to go by. But at least the hotel is used to drunk, high rock stars going off the rails here - the design is perfect, and even if they did hear something, they wouldn’t freak out._

_I feel like swooning onto the settee when we get in (kudos to the decorator!). But you’re moving towards the bar rather quickly, so I follow you. When you start pouring whisky down your throat, I shrug and make myself a rum and coke. So much for the endless champagne of our wedding night and our honeymoon..._

_A pang of pain and sorrow cuts through me to think about it. God... was it really just a couple of days ago? It feels like another lifetime, it truly does..._

_I watch you as I sip my drink. You’re staring off into space, still holding the bottle._

_“What do you need, Sebastian?” I ask softly._

 

 

What do I need.

What. Do I. Need.

I don’t know Jim - I’d prefer to just go to the base and get our next assignment and get going, alright? But this is our base for now and there isn’t going to be an assignment.

Or hide in my house for a week but I have no house here and I can’t hide because you’re looking at me all concerned and worried and I’m going to have to talk with you but what am I going to say?!

Fuck... when I got back from being tortured by the Taliban they wanted me to _talk_ to someone and I didn’t want to then and I felt a hundred times more sane and together then than now!

You’re coming closer and looking at me so lovingly and uncertainly and I want to reassure you but you want to reassure me and I don’t know what’s going on with me, I don’t recognize my brain and my body and I’ve always been able to rely on my body - and I’ve always been able to monitor it, know how it’s doing - and now there’s no breath and no heartbeat and I’m constantly hungry - for blood!! - and not even horny and I don’t _know_ Jim but if you keep looking at me like that I’m going to fucking explode so -

I take a big sip again.

“Let’s have a shower.”

Yes - wash everything away...

 

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist: 
> 
> Bloodletting - Concrete Blonde  
> Transylvanian Concubine - Rasputina  
> Gutter Glitter - Switchblade Symphony  
> Ziggy Stardust - Bauhaus  
> A Forest - The Cure  
> Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode  
> Haunted - Evanescence  
> Sex Dwarf - Soft Cell  
> Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus  
> Haunted While the Minutes Drag - Love and Rockets  
> The Chauffeur - Duran Duran  
> No Reflection - Marilyn Manson  
> But Not Tonight - Depeche Mode  
> Post Blue - Placebo  
> Monitor - Siouxsie and the Banshees  
> The Temple of Love - The Sisters of Mercy  
> Allez Allez Allez - Camille  
> Face to Face - Siouxsie and the Banshees  
> Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain  
> Followed The Waves - Auf Der Maur  
> Cuts You Up - Peter Murphy  
> Song to the Siren - This Mortal Coil  
> Framed in Blood - The 69 Eyes  
> Voodoo - Godsmack  
> I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses  
> Wolf Song - Omnia  
> Bloody Kisses (A Death In The Family) - Type O Negative  
> Can't Stand Losing You - The Police  
> Death Whispered a Lullaby - Opeth  
> Cold Fire - Rush  
> Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division  
> Swamp Thing - The Chameleons  
> I Walk the Line - Alien Sex Fiend  
> Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge  
> All We Ever Wanted Was Everything - Bauhaus  
> First and Last and Always - Sisters of Mercy  
> Wildflower - The Cult  
> Who Wants to Live Forever - Queen  
> One More Cup of Coffee - Bob Dylan  
> Easy Tiger - Portugal. The Man  
> Dark Side - Bishop Briggs  
> Diamonds and Rust - Joan Baez  
> Suck on the Jugular - The Rolling Stones  
> Too Far Gone - Alan Doyle and Russell Crowe feat. Danielle Spencer  
> Kill.Fuck.Die - W.A.S.P  
> Undisclosed Desires - Muse  
> Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation  
> Fondu au Noir - Coeur de Pirate  
> Tear Me To Pieces - Meg Myers  
> Sweetest Drop - Peter Murphy  
> Fall - The Jesus and Mary Chain  
> Before I'm Dead - Kidneythieves  
> Not Afraid Anymore - Halsey  
> Let It Bleed - The Rolling Stones  
> I Was Made for Loving You - KISS  
> People Who Eat Darkness - Steven Wilson  
> Might As Well Be On Mars - Alice Cooper  
> Flesh - Simon Curtis  
> Velvet Touch - The 69 Eyes  
> Somebody to Love - Queen  
> Super Psycho Love - Simon Curtis  
> Disarm - The Smashing Pumpkins  
> Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless  
> Little Death - W.A.S.P  
> Time Is Running Out - Muse  
> Sinds 1 Dag Of 2 (32 Jaar) - Doe Maar  
> Temptation Waits - Garbage  
> Weird of Hermiston - Cream  
> You Really Got Me - The Kinks  
> Viva Las Vegas - Elvis  
> Vogue - Madonna  
> ... Baby One More Time - Britney Spears  
> Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana  
> Queer - Garbage  
> Cannonball - The Breeders  
> Loser - Beck  
> I Put a Spell On You - Marilyn Manson  
> Adrenalize - In This Moment  
> Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode  
> I Am Terrified - IAMX  
> Kill the Lights - Britney Spears  
> Striptease - Hawksley Workman  
> Toxic - Britney Spears  
> Criminal - Britney Spears  
> Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Marilyn Manson  
> Dark Nights - Dorothy  
> Du riechst so gut - Rammstein  
> Highway to Hell - AC/DC  
> Counting Cards - Rainbow Kitten Surprise  
> Under My Skin - Jukebox the Ghost  
> Only Love - Mother Mother  
> In the End - Linkin Park  
> Transylvanian Lullaby - Erutan  
> Dauðalogn - Sigur Rós  
> Love of My Life - Queen (Bohemian Rhapsody soundtrack)  
> Home - Depeche Mode  
> Hunt You Down - Hit House  
> Seafarer - Lindy-Fay Hella  
> Debut Sea - grej  
> Over at the Frankenstein Place - Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack  
> Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve  
> Tonight, Tonight - Smashing Pumpkins  
> Diamonds and Gold - Tom Waits  
> Dirty Old Town - The Pogues  
> My Favourite Game - The Cardigans  
> All Through the Night - Cyndi Lauper  
> Precious - Depeche Mode  
> Save a Prayer - Duran Duran  
> Crucify - Emma Hewitt  
> Patience - Guns N' Roses  
> Heartbreak Hotel - Hanni El Khatib  
> Regret - New Order  
> Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men  
> I Want To Break Free - Queen  
> Under Pressure - Queen  
> A Hazy Shade of Winter - Simon and Garfunkel  
> Hold Back the Night - Sinead O'Connor  
> Soma - Smashing Pumpkins  
> Where Did Our Love Go? - Soft Cell  
> D. D. and E. - This Mortal Coil  
> Blood & Fire - Type O Negative  
> Glorious - The Pierces


End file.
